Emotional Safety: How to Improve Relationships and Communication #2

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Emotional Safety: How to Improve Relationships and Communication #2

Рет қаралды 132,880

Күн бұрын

Do you want to learn How to Process Emotions and improve your Mental Health? Sign up for a Therapy in a Nutshell Membership, you'll get access to all of Emma’s courses, workbooks, and a Live Q and A with 100’s of exclusive videos: courses.therap...
Do people feel comfortable around you? Do you feel safe around other people? Do you have to deal with difficult people or stressful environments everyday? Then learning to create an emotionally safe environment is essential for your mental health.
Emotional safety is essential for good relationships, mental health, strong marriages, and effective parenting - and it sure helps with personal growth.
How you communicate to others will determine your effectiveness with them. If you are a safe place for them, they will open up to you, listen to you, and accept your influence
But if you aren't emotionally safe for them, you'll get resistance, anger, and fear in response.
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Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC, and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.
About Me:
I’m Emma McAdam. I’m a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and I have worked in various settings of change and growth since 2004. My experience includes juvenile corrections, adventure therapy programs, wilderness therapy programs, an eating disorder treatment center, a residential treatment center, and I currently work in an outpatient therapy clinic.
In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.
And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love www.churchofje...
If you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at suicideprevent... or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or your local emergency services.
Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC
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Пікірлер: 139

@mayethwynepalay7406 4 жыл бұрын

Don't ask someone to change just for you to feel okay. change yourselves or ask for boundaries. If after that, you still don't feel safe and secured THEN LEAVE. This video has definitely helped me. thank you!

@another20sth Жыл бұрын

I think a huge part of why I am socially anxious comes from feeling emotionally disregulated and unsafe in my own body. Growing with with a very reactive parent who wasn't able to regulate themselves (love them nonetheless), I was always afraid of 'saying the wrong thing' or not knowing what to say and soon enough I started carrying this attitude into relationships outside home. I became withdrawn and it was hard to talk about anything with people even when my head would be bursting with thoughts when alone. I really wish I had these resources growing up, would have made a world of difference. Even so, grateful for it right now.

@creativesolutions902 4 жыл бұрын

Your videos should be shown in schools. Kids teachers and parents would benefit greatly

@Anatravers 4 жыл бұрын

It is so true! There are so many things that, due to our own experience in life, we don't know how 'unhelpful' our emotional responses are and even when we know we few trapped in our conditionings and don't have a clue how to bring about the changes we so desperately need.

@andreas4268 5 жыл бұрын

Yes, when you focus on yourself, then you are able to accurately see the environment and decide if it is a healthy place for you. Sadly, when people are brought up in unhealthy homes, it’s easy to gravitate to environments that mirror what is known. It can takes years to understand this and know you have the right to all that you have outlined. Thank you!

@TherapyinaNutshell 5 жыл бұрын

Absolutely!

@abbykoop5363 4 жыл бұрын

Yes, helpful, thanks. I'll check out your boundaries ones as well. I didn't even know what a personal boundary was until my 50's. I've not been in a healthy relationship environment so wasn't sure what that was either. I kept trying to get my last boyfriend to respect my rules (not calling after a certain time, for example), or to show up on time....to no avail. What I really should have done, is respect myself enough to have walked away sooner. Better a slow learner than to not learn at all, I guess...

@barnardsc4 4 жыл бұрын

I really appreciate your keen intelligence warm gentle loving voice

@suzannebunbury2961 3 жыл бұрын

I’m sad that my country has become an unsafe environment.

@muhammadtayyab2718 Жыл бұрын

Where are you from ??

@sydney689 3 жыл бұрын

i am so glad i found your page. just 20 mins ago i was in such a bad place... subscribing and watching everyday moving forward

@whipwalk 3 жыл бұрын

Oof. "..trust your environment to be fair, consistent, and kind. " Hmm......have yet to experience this. 🤔

@anjaleearora4742 4 жыл бұрын

Please also mention something as to how to be emotionally secure in adverse environment which we cannot change

@kaseyyoung322 3 жыл бұрын

I love the snuggly pug picture!!!🤗🤗🤗

@dolcevita4348 4 жыл бұрын

This video may be old, but it has been the most cathartic and helpful video to date in this moment of my life. Thank you.

@MANDS81 2 жыл бұрын

Watching this video now, which you shared in 2017 was God sent. Thank you Dr. Emma, the value you impart on your channel, imprints hugely on my own life and I can see on others too. Tears flowing, stopping the video to jot down notes, which was almost the entre conten shared, as I worked through this area, has helped soo much. Many Epiphony moments. Thank you and God bless you and your family always.

@sarahcouture24 3 жыл бұрын

This is the best video on emotional safety that I’ve come across on KZfaq! Great job 👏🏻

@Daniula02 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you! All your videos are super helpful, but this one has been exactly what I needed to hear! 🤗🤗🤗🤗

@sukran96 3 жыл бұрын

It’s so sad to realize that very few knows how to treat their loved ones with an emotionally safe attitude.

@jillknowles5015 2 жыл бұрын

Emma, I enjoy your videos and find them so helpful in working to improve myself . My whole world collapsed when I found my partner was lying/cheating and I felt emotionally unsafe. Thanks for all the good work you do, you're a life saver. God bless Xx 🙏

@TysonMichael77 2 жыл бұрын

This is so interesting because I’ve realized some things about my dad and living in the house especially around the time there making noise to go to work in the morning or at night my body gets tense tell me “ I’m not safe” because I think he’s going to come in my room and say something that may throw me off and get me mad .or expect something from me. I feel that mentioning mantras for myself and choosing to not let those feelings ruin my night or my rest is what I’m learning. My body tends to get really stressed. But the funny thing is I know I’m safe and nothing will actually happen yet my body gets scared and idk what to do it’s a bit frustrating

@cheri7054 Жыл бұрын

I always start out saying I feel sad , hurt , to my brother when there is an issue and he then goes on the attack. He refuses to listen to my feelings even when I express in a kind and truthful way. I live 5 minutes from my brother a rarely see him. He doesn't have time for me. Helplessness sets in

@Dimension2364 2 жыл бұрын

This video really inspired me to think about boundaries: 🤔 How can I set boundaries in a constrictive way? - I mean, there are so many types of situations where it would really help to do so!

@drritumathur2953 3 ай бұрын

World is logical handling and family is emotional handling ❤

@joyfulcreativemovement6016 2 жыл бұрын

Just what I needed!

@karentannehill3943 3 жыл бұрын

Shared with my work team - thank you so much!

@madaraedgell7009 4 жыл бұрын

I really struggle to set boundaries with my 7 year old son who struggles to Express his emotions as I do too. It's so hard to teach him when I react in his anger as a treat at times then feel so bad as mum. Single parenting is the biggest challenge in my life.

@user-oy4vu3ck3u 4 жыл бұрын

Hey, a good way to help him express emotions would be through art and mindfulness. I've seen kids painting rocks with feelings and for boys especially working together on a project can help bonding. I'd focus on his own body awareness first- maybe through yoga or sensory play (e.g. one person touches the other's hand/back with various objects like feathers, paint brushes, hands and the other guesses- supernanny has a good video on it) and then I'd build up to understanding emotions. For a lot of people it can be hard to give a name to an emotion, so I have used the blob tree to help kids identify their feelings, which you can get an image off Google or just draw your own together. Also, you can try using stuffed animals to role play. For children it might be easier to talk about why teddy is frustrated than themselves or adults, as there is no authority or expectation from a toy. It may also be a good way to role play what is an appropriate response to stress (e.g. teddy is upset, so what should teddy do? Instead of hitting/throwing teddy is going to sit in the quiet corner and have some time to calm down, or if teddy is nervous they can tell mum/teacher and as pre arranged be allowed to run a lap/ listen to a song/have time alone to practice breathing) then move on from teddy to how they can act this way too. It is hard without knowing them, but I can also say children who are upset can't listen, so it is best to first give them a chance to de-escalate and calm down before having a discussion, and sometimes remind them that it is ok to feel this way, that feeling XYZ doesn't make them a bad person. Kids will often not be able to separate themselves from what they experience and they need to learn bad things/behaviours are wrong and shouldn't happen, but they themselves aren't bad, and feelings aren't bad. I'd also say to take care of yourself, and maybe have a discussion about your feelings (e.g. sometimes mummy is scared/ mummy is angry right now so she is going to have some quiet time alone/ mummy was wrong and she's sorry etc.) In this way you can normalise expressing feelings, and lead by example on how you manage them. It could also be fun to find out on a thesaurus a bunch of different words for feelings and work them into conversation/art/memory games as this helps kids gain the language skills they need to express themselves. Hope this has given you some ideas, by honestly the most important thing is love and acceptance- and through that mindset you'll tend to work towards emotional safety and open communication.

@Pielobyte 7 ай бұрын

Creating an environment of love: ->consistent, firm, clear,honest, we share our vulnerable emotions such as saddness and hurt, instead of getting angry Create a positive environment by building ourselves up

@Anatravers 4 жыл бұрын

Thanks! Your videos are a real education and I just discovered them about a week ago, but already that little light in the end of the tunnel is finally flooding in, much brighter and closer!!!🔅🔆🌟☀️

@georgianatricolici8395 4 ай бұрын

Thank you so much! Ive actually struggled with this, and i didnt even know what was wrong until i saw ur video. It describes perfectly how i was during my last relationship, but i didnt know how to handle what i was feeling and i would just take it out on him. Now after the break up im just trying to focus on myself and be better and uve helped so much!!

@andreaocampo3059 2 жыл бұрын

Hi, my name is Andrea I am living in a situation like this at this moment with my daughters, this video is very helpful.🥰

@hrumi8748 3 жыл бұрын

How many situations can you leave?! Then you end up completely alone? :/

@preciousmousse Ай бұрын

Thank you!

@BeylaKaythin 4 жыл бұрын

But what if YOU are in a situation that doesn't feel emotionally safe? What you said about emotional safety just summed up me and my bf's relationship... and also caused ME to do bad things like, be secretive and not show my true self or be open about my feelings. I want to. But I don't feel safe to. And that then again makes HIM resentful (rightfully so... Being secretive and emotionally distant is never ok...), but at the same time idk how to 1) be more open when I don't feel safe and 2) make sure I can feel safe...

@bluebubble13 Жыл бұрын

Hey Erik, I understand where you're coming from, it ain't comfortable :( You want to be true to yourself but you also don't know how things will play out. Sometimes we just have to take things slow, and be a little kinder to our self. Start with listening to what we really need and find healthy ways (like watching these videos is a huge help! ;P). Journaling was something I started a few years ago but over time, it felt like just words on paper and not really making a difference or getting anywhere... I kept digging deeper on my self journey and eventually started feeling like I was making progress. The hardest part is taking that step and looking within, by spending a lot of time reflecting and being patience with yourself. I believe in you! Try and not be so hard on yourself, you got this! :) I hope you're doing alright now and things are working out with your bf. Take care :)

@abrols 2 жыл бұрын

Very well described, thanks for doing a wonderful job on these videos

@JN25376 5 жыл бұрын

Very good, very helpful and very pleasant to listen to. Thank you!

@flormarthas.ferreira4318 11 ай бұрын

Wow! Your explanations are getting even better and you are even prettier! I have recomended your courses. Best wishes to you and your family. I always pray for you and your intentions because your work have help me a lot.

@ECOWORLDINDIA Жыл бұрын

Thanks ma'am ,I had been suffering from last 4 months .I had almost ruined myself 🌻

@oulhadjs 2 жыл бұрын

Well explained spot on thank you Iam trying to save my marriage by changing the way I behave

@angelgavs Жыл бұрын

That was probably one of the most helpful therapy videos I've ever seen on KZfaq. Wowza Thank you.

@DGKED-td7mf 4 жыл бұрын

This one was so helpful ,thank you !

@beccabelen401 3 ай бұрын

So insightful!!

@mimilookamie8019 4 жыл бұрын

Wonderfully written! Great job!

@karo1564 4 жыл бұрын

Good approach but definetly not working in a toxic workplace with disordered people, like psychopaths and ther Cluster B's, narcissists etc

@karenb136 2 жыл бұрын

Very helpful. Opened my eyes to things I am doing wrong. I will work on this.

@donblack1571 4 жыл бұрын

Bout to watch all your vids thankfully I found your channel

@rachelle3445 4 жыл бұрын

Recently happily found your channel. Could you please provide resources, tips, practices and/or books for boundaries setting and how to create emotional safe environments with the self and for others.

@serenitysaara 3 жыл бұрын

Your channel is blessing me so much. One of the most useful things on KZfaq. Thank you thank you thank you.

@srini580 3 жыл бұрын

Love you. God bless you.

@hannatoropova3304 4 жыл бұрын

this was sooo needed! thank you!

@texas_sunflower3623 4 жыл бұрын

That was clear and very helpful advice.

@Pielobyte 7 ай бұрын

Appreciated, valued, worthwhile, trust in consistency with time

@Pielobyte 7 ай бұрын

Focus on changing yourself It’s not safe to make other people responsible for your boundaries The opposite of emotional safety: Judgement, blame, attacking Ex:expressing anger instead of saddness, expressing judgement instead of expressing that they feel discouraged Ex: expressing anger and frustration as opposed to expressing the desire for closeness,

@Pielobyte 7 ай бұрын

Emotionally unsafe environment: ->giving advice instead of listening, judging or trying to change people if they don’t agree with then ->sense of conditional love ->if you feel anxious or insecure, this will create feelings of unsafety ->defensiveness ->blame ->passive aggression ->personal attacks “calling people lazy” ->when rules, boundaries or standards are constantly changing

@abrarfouad4338 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much your video really helped me to understand my feelings

@glynrowson 6 жыл бұрын

Love your videos you are very Helpful

@wn8565 3 жыл бұрын

This is SUPER helpful! Thank you! Cheers

@Cutest5x 6 жыл бұрын

Thank you for your videos. Very informative

@emmahank 6 жыл бұрын

Vee thanks!

@fervcorsica3358 4 жыл бұрын

Thanks, this one gave me a lot to think about.

@mariakelly3802 2 жыл бұрын

Apart from this r VERY good and helpful content and delivery, the picture/ thumbnail(?), is the best ever😊💛. Thank you for all your genuinely helpful video's. And may God bless you and yours🌷💛

@1matim Жыл бұрын

thanks, good video

@DBLuvPack888 2 ай бұрын

Hey Emma! Thank you so much for your videos. I can not find part one for this topic. Can you help please?

@evelynspaghetti4978 2 жыл бұрын

I needed this, thankyou

@starprincess8535 3 жыл бұрын

Is there any way you can make a longer video on this? If not that's fine.

@saschaspring2198 4 жыл бұрын

Love the PPT images!! Great work...

@artisttjan Жыл бұрын

The pug brought me joy

@janetownley 4 жыл бұрын

Really appreciating these videos! Thank you! :-)

@tanika3423 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks very helpful ❤

@mariaaugustasilva4967 3 жыл бұрын

Very good, helpful. Thank you

@Star-dj1kw 7 ай бұрын

❤❤ excellent video

@akaMcSassy Жыл бұрын

Super helpful, thanks

@AngDevigne Жыл бұрын

Thank you 🙏

@martakravets309 9 ай бұрын

Amazing 👏

@sheilareynolds3755 4 жыл бұрын

I have a narcissistic husband, a Tbi adult daughter who lives at home, and Im an INFJ empath. Yes, I have an emotionally un-safe home, but no matter how much I do to change it seems there's n reciprocating 😢

@wanderingintime 4 жыл бұрын

traumatic brain injury?... if you value yourself and your child, leaving the narcissist * might * be what it comes down to, since it has been shown that they dont believe they are ever wrong.. one can only change if they see and acknowledge their troublesome behaviors. it's also true they can manipulate empaths (but you know this, you watch videos because you learned you're infj, empath, and know he's a narcissist so you know you cant change him) and SAY they'll change but evidence is not lasting. it is not easy, especially your situation. but at some point you may admit to yourself that you allow this behavior since you are putting up with it. you've tried changing yourself, and that is fine.. but again, the narcissist is what they are. you cant change him. you are now left with options. there is help, you must look. maybe you'd benefit from boundaries sure, but building confidence and mindset that you are CAPABLE of survival on your own, or at least with supportive others. responsibility isn't a dirty thing. good luck 💗

@jesskuhmess 4 жыл бұрын

INFP here, walking through the fire with soon to be narcex husband. it has been just as awful and devastating as I feared and why I stayed so long. even with the lies, slander, using the legal system as a way to keep abusing me a little bit longer. I feel better and surprisingly stronger than I have ever in my life. I can breathe again. my daughter can breathe again and is starting to open back up to me. our baby is finally getting to see and enjoy the happy, loving, bubbly, free spirited, and stable woman was and truly always have been. he stomped on my spirit and made me think I was nothing and was ruined forever. I started to believe his awful and distorted portrayal of me he tells to hide his true awful self. I thought everyone else would too. some will. the ones who love and know me never will. it's still so scary sometimes but oh my God it's so beautiful to be almost free of that hell. it's going to be hard maybe even worse for a while but it is worth it and you can do this. please trust your heart and watch your back every second.

@michellejarvis7878 4 жыл бұрын

Narcissists are not capable of change. It doesn't matter how good you are. Sorry. Save yourself. Save your children. Please leave. He can't change. It's not you. It's him. I tried to be a good example for 20 years. It won't work. Narcissists are not able to grow, or sympathize or empathize. They don't even understand most emotions.

@sukran96 3 жыл бұрын

I’m in a similar situation. I’m still going and coming back whether I am the one who is broken and cannot leave the home physically. I told him to live at somewhere else until I can make up my mind and bring my soul back together because I don’t know who I am any more. My mom is a narcissist as well but a much worse one that’s why I had not realized what was going on in my marriage for a long time.

@FirstWomanonTheMoon1 Жыл бұрын

What do we do with the issue of accountability?

@Qihello Жыл бұрын

❤ really good

@izawaniek2568 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you.

@punam2984 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you 😊

@gunitasgramata 4 жыл бұрын

Thanks! 😊❤

@flyingumbreons Жыл бұрын

❤❤thanks

@CrystalNouveauC 3 жыл бұрын

Are there any of your videos that deal with healing trauma and feeling safe in my own body?

@victoriasamayah Жыл бұрын

Very helpful ♡

@cassiestevens8382 4 жыл бұрын

Thanks.⚘

@dorriesanthony5978 2 жыл бұрын

My CEO should listen to this

@99rylee 4 жыл бұрын

most people dont respect my boundaries. I get blown off when I need to talk about personal issues that deeply affect me. But in every other situation they talk to me and if they listen I get ignored half way through my whatever it is Im talking about. People are so freaking rude and selfish that friends is the new F word for me. Most people out there cant be trusted on every level among other nasty behaviors.

@zeezee5744 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you

@Matthew8473 8 ай бұрын

This content serves as a powerful guiding light. Reading a book with related messages had a profound impact on me. "The Art of Meaningful Relationships in the 21st Century" by Leo Flint

@Chloe-w7n 5 жыл бұрын

Very helpful

@TherapyinaNutshell 5 жыл бұрын

Thank you!

@joannawidmoser8351 Жыл бұрын

Great

@yoongis.tangerine 3 жыл бұрын

why do i feel unsafe even though my s/o doesn't do anything wrong? i feel so anxious for no reason even though he does everything to make me feel loved

@tchikomikombe5802 3 жыл бұрын

Me too I get so anxious for no good reason he has treated me better than all my ex’s and yet I have fear and I get anxious

@yoongis.tangerine 3 жыл бұрын

@@tchikomikombe5802 i feel u 😭 i guess we just need to work on ourselves more and let our guards down a lil bit

@Window4503 3 жыл бұрын

Maybe because the cause isn’t him but somewhere else or in your past?

@razan4644 2 жыл бұрын

You’re amazing

@oftenwrong. Жыл бұрын

What about a video on self hate! I struggle with this everyday

@meshedupleo3498 2 жыл бұрын

Why concentrate on ourselves? I grow up in a turbulent environment. When I’m a adult, every time I try to take more responsibility of my own emotional safety, I just feel being blamed that I totally failed and can’t perceive to succeed….

@margrose5 3 жыл бұрын

Helpful.

@muffinman_4 Жыл бұрын

i dont understand how my friends can do this without trying

@LearningKaizen 7 ай бұрын

🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:00 🚧 *Emotional safety is crucial for a stress-free work environment, healthy home, and positive relationships.* 00:37 🏡 *Emotional safety involves feeling appreciated, valued, and trusted, allowing open communication and vulnerability.* 01:37 🤝 *Indicators of emotional safety include comfort, open communication, quick repairs after mistakes, increased vulnerability, and a sense of connection.* 02:07 🔄 *Focus on changing yourself to create emotional safety; blaming others contributes to an emotionally unsafe environment.* 03:02 ⚠️ *Indicators of an emotionally unsafe environment include judgment, blaming, constant advice-giving, and conditional love.* 04:32 🌡️ *Actively create emotional safety by understanding, listening, being consistent in correction, and expressing vulnerable emotions.* 05:28 🚫 *Avoid using the term "emotional safety" to criticize or change others; focus on setting clear boundaries and making requests.* 06:22 🛡️ *Reclaim emotional safety by focusing on your actions, creating consistent boundaries, and not demanding others to change for your acceptance.* Made with HARPA AI

@1GoodWoman 2 ай бұрын

I find boundaries beyond physical safety highly problematic. I try to find the us and boundaries are very I centric which is easy to understand of course but in emotional relationships especially those founded on the formal legal and biological relationships of family and blood relatives the truth is the us exists and even in divorce, banishment, rejection and voluntary removal the us is factually true. How to develop standards that are agreed upon and which are not limited to two individuals seems to be missing in the boundary system or if it exists rather hard to find as I have been looking for quite some time.

@cheri7054 Жыл бұрын

Talking to my daughter is like talking to a wall. I've tried not trying too hard to gain her love and communicate but she still is closed off to me. I don't know what else to do to regain what we lost.

@assielahmed3272 Жыл бұрын

Hi Emma, how are you? Can I download videos from your channel to my device without watching them on KZfaq? Would you allow me to do this or not ''because I would like to transcribe and study it to improve English in the field of psychology'' and thank you.🌼

@FirstWomanonTheMoon1 Жыл бұрын

This sounds like the PEI meeting at the World Bank.

@FirstWomanonTheMoon1 Жыл бұрын

I was sharing my experience and they silenced me.

@juliai3956 3 жыл бұрын

That thumbnail. ❤

@miningmonkey760 2 жыл бұрын

How do we create an emotional safety environment in group zoom setting?

@Here_comes_Hope 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much!!! So helpful. I will be very vulnerable, as a newly married man and stepdad I had no idea this stuff even existed and I now realise I have a big problem with it, I want to spend that 95% effort on myself and the way I see things! Are there any books/other material anyone can recommend that will help and are written in an easy to understand way (like this talk). I don't mean to cause any offense but I truly feel like I am emotionally retarded. I want this to change.

@jessicac7204 Жыл бұрын

Do you have advice on what to do when your narcissistic co parent is the one creating the toxic relationship and you can’t simply leave due to sharing a child?