Hello Subscribers: Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing. One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating. Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning! As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on KZfaq. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through. I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly. That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on KZfaq. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos. If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions ____ Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships. The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met. While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response. Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz ____ I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives. When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work. You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive. Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community ____ Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution. Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate ____ Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos. And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!” Best regards, Alan Robarge Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist www.alanrobarge.com/

This man is a genius

I remember the feeling of loneliness and emptiness you speak about Alan. I have a photo of myself at 18, i looked into my eyes and can literally see the emptiness. The bond with my mother was corrupted which left a wound so deep. I was addicted to Alcohol, drugs, sex, food.. the list went on. I gave up the booze and drugs 25 years ago, cigarettes and sugar in the last ten years and began to heal the 'mother' wound. It has been incredibly painful and I cried reservoirs of grief. But today I'm beginning to reep the feeling of joy and contentment.

"You're not alone, but you're alone" totally cracked me up 🤣🤣🤣

I honestly believe there are spiritual beings speaking through this man. And they use his intellect and emotional genius to Come through and communicate with us.

And then I suddenly understood the sadness that has been unexpliquably looming inside of me since childhood. Loneliness. Not being seen. Heard. Listened to. It's been coloring all my relationships. Friendships as well. Constantly pulling in people in my life to understand and hear me. But all I had to do was to give the confirmation to myself. Wow.. Thank you

Listening to this made me feel less lonely ;) I'm struggling with the breakup of my 9 year relationship. It was my first relationship and we met when I was 29 so I was rather late to the game. I think the fact that I was alone for so long before that has created some kind of attachment trauma in me. My parents divorced when I was 17 or 18. My father was always kind of absent, although I can't complain about my childhood which was good. But as an adult I wanted to be in a relationship so bad, because I felt left out, I felt like there was something wrong with me (even though I know I'm not unattractive and I have many things going for me). So when I met my (now) ex, suddenly there was such a weight lifted off me and it was such an exciting time. I finally felt "normal". I felt like I belonged and we would build a future together. And so we did but it didn't last. Now it's over, we grew apart and I'm having a real hard time getting to grips with that reality. I feel like I'll never find someone again as it already took me so long to find this one person.

God you're good... stay hooked to the end of the video please. It is so wise. Alan I don't know how you do it, but you do it so well. Thank you so very, very much.

My experience is that relationships happen when you aren't trying. STOP looking, just be still and grounded within self and relationships come to you.

Really honest and realistic stuff here. At 17, I was stuck in a loop of lost relationship complicated by (what I didn't yet know was) early trauma and severe attachment lack. In Germany, it felt like drowning in that existenital abyss...so I went for a walk alone. It nearly distracted me, but not enough. A man walking toward me nodded greeting, then looked in my eyes, and his look of serious concern completely changed everything! It shattered my aloneness for just a second. And it gave me the will to subtly smile a bit in gratitude and return his nod. We passed by each other on a walk; yet that singular moment of validation and concern remains one of my strongest memories of hope! Nothing else ever works, but validation.

O.m.g. YES. Hell yeah! Alan, words cannot describe how every word you say is exactly spot on. Words cannot describe the words, hahaha-as you said- you are not alone, but you are alone. I stumbled upon your channel just a few weeks ago, by searching for some comforting wise words after yet another sad breakup. I was amazed and thrilled by the quality and honesty of your content, you effortlessly tell the whole truth in such a great flow. I finally realised that organic sadness I constantly feel is not so much because of the breakups and "narcissistic" boyfriends, but is caused by my old, debilitating, still on-going trauma of being abused and rejected by my mother and abandoned by my father, compounded with this universal "Weltschmerz" that you talk about in this video. Breakups are just triggers. I started to binge watch your videos as I've never seen someone speak so sincere, structured yet down-to-earth. Each video has been beyond eye-opening in an of itself. THANK YOU for your immense help, your understanding, compassion, intelligence, fantastic intuition and indescribable GENEROSITY in revealing a vast universe of ways how to heal and regain our self and sanity. THANK YOU!

Why has nobody told me that feelings of emptiness are normal? Or maybe I didn't get it until now .. Thank you for your message !! Greetings from Germany

I swear Alan knows me better than my best friend and I’ve never even met him! I’ve never had anyone voice what is going on inside of my head like he does.

I'm so lonely in-between relationships. I hate being single. I was neglected throughout childhood all the time.

Experiencing personally our universal existential loneliness and accepting it 'as it is", whether a psychological design flaw or not, is absolutely necessary to leave a place for the deep-seated loneliness angst. The tethers we employ to entrap ourselves, others and things is a primary attachment that leads to addiction unless looking our loneliness "in the face", accept it, and move on, knowing bliss is this emptiness according to Buddhist philosophy. When we make friends with EL, we find our bliss, as unreal to the materialistic mindset this may seem.Tai Lopez may not be promoting true happiness via materialism, being most billionaires are addicted to materialism's faltering tower of "power". Manifesting the Robarge principal. It's ok to be lonely!!! Embrace loneliness!!🕊💗🌸

I've passed through so much grief with your help sir. Thanks for putting your stuff out there! This video is just what I needed to hear today

Preach! So spot on, the texture of your language is so evocative and astute. I have never heard anyone describe the ramifications and experience of attachment trauma as aptly as you do. So enjoy watching your videos.

“You’re not alone~But you’re alone~” The Best.

You're not alone that you're alone...

Alan, thank you so much for talking on this subject. How hurtful indeed is it to have one sided love. Addicted to such a devastating love affair. Being raised by a phsycopath being so damaged then going from one relationship to another to our 60s. How humiliating and loss of what to do. Wanting so badly to heal from attachment trauma. You are a gentle and precious person to help us who are in such need of help. Thank you so much. Keep it coming. Please keep it coming.

How the heck do you know me so well?? You are capturing perfectly how I feel so much of the time. This video made me feel so much better; not so alone. Thank you, thank you Alan.

Thank you again Alan for your painful honesty about what we do to try and alleviate that screaming void within, for me after a relationship ended (which was by my choice by the way). The need for connection is primal and sitting in the aloneness very painful. But I beleive it's better to feel lonely and be alone than feel lonely in a relationship. I just wish the pain would soon subside as addictions are seducing me

Dear Alan. How did you grow to be so wise . Thanks for your knowledge to us.

"You're not alone but you're alone" kicked me hard 😂

Tyssssso much.. ill bask in loneliness - didn't realize it's ok. I won't die from it!

I wish I could listen to Alan speak to an audience. It’s very soothing. Comforting to be among others to hear these words. To feel the aloneness among others and not feel so alone.

Allan you are amazing talented beyond thank you

Holy crap ! You are one of the best 'suggested' channels I've ever received . Where did you come from ???

Hello Alan, I'm 59 and have struggled with shame since my first breath. I was adopted and my birth mother tried to abort me. I knew this from the beginning then was raised and became an anxious attachment. Shame has defined my life with loneliness that's crippled my being. I'm trying to move through it. Thank you.

I feel like I am in hell. Thank God I found this video and to know others have felt this way and survived. Thank you.

Alan it just blows my mind how for me, you just hit the nail right on the head Every single time! Finally I no longer need to run from loneliness! I'm so grateful that the Universe led me to you and your work! Finally I have hope for a better way to live! Loneliness has been my struggle for 60 years and after studying every metaphysical teaching known to man, now thanks to you I am able to know what has been at the core of my being for so long and be ok with it. I no longer think I'm flawed and defective. Thank you a bajillion thanks ❤️❤️❤️

What you shared really helped me tonight. Thank you Alan.

You are the most authentic I have seen, not selling any snake oil, no smoke and mirrors and plug x product here..... Thank you!

Such truth Alan, your a genious at explaining exactly as it is. Im in my loneliness now and i see all of what your saying. Im watching all of what comes up, doing my best smiling through it. Its a blessing to be in healthy partnership, thou in reality that may not come. So my intention is to find that blessing in my own company, and so how ever awful it is i welcome my loneliness. You so right we must not self reject. It is what it is. Its actually healthy to feel lonely if thats what it is. Im sanely sitting. The ex's are a ex for a reason, i watch not to loop. Im actually laughing right now at how this loneliness plays up. Love how you laughed too! Im working with it, i've checked into my loneliness. Love you Alan x

This loneliness is so painful in the body. Can you do a video about finding other people who are emotionally trying to be available. What do we do in these times to cope. I need tools and not just breathing and meditating. My brain says I’m going to the bar for a drink but just one !

Thank you Alan. Struggling with pure loneliness here and this was exactly what I needed to hear. What an unbearable feeling tho. You are an angel🙂

I needed to hear this right now. Thank you

That's amazing. Thank you so much.

Thank you for this video, I understand now.

This is so good. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

You are a blessing, Alan. Thank you.

Really useful video. Thank you Alan Robarge.

Your work is a powerful force for so many of us. Amazing delivery. Thank you!

this is hands down my favorite video of yours! I was laughing out loud at the end. Thanks Alan!

Feelings are just feelings. Thanks Alan!

Goodness me so perfectly said thankyou kindly Alan this resonated with me so much.

Hands down one of my favorite vids from Alan! So honest, it's humbling.

OMG, I love you for this. I never thought of looking at it from this perspective. What a cleansing breath of an idea!

This video is amazing. Alan, you are incredible. Thank you so much for all you do, and sharing it. Your work has been so, so helpful.

You have a gift with words. I resonate with what you said in this video.

Thank you, Alan. This is a beautiful message of truth delivered with compassion.

God bless you!!! you speaking to me!!!

felt this way as a child much of the time and now again but will get thru it ty

As usual... he speaks right to my heart. His work is amazing!!!

Perfect video for me as I press on in the aftermath of Irma. Thank you Alan.

Fantastic video topic and you're fantastic also Alan.

Great video as usual :) thanks for helping

Thank you Very much . Your so HELPUL , HONESTLY 🥰

What a great video!! Thank you so much for sharing this message. I'm going to re-watch it every now and then as a reminder because your words have made the experience I'm going through now more bearable.

I needed to hear this so much. Wow, this was absolutely poetic! You are truly brilliant & I am so thankful I found your channel 🤗💗

Thank you for your honesty!

This video changed everything for me. I needed to hear this all along and could not find it anywhere before now. It’s exactly why most things I hear or see online don’t resonate with me.

Thank You Alan, your videos really help me. Especially with everything being intensified in the world these days.

BRILLIANT, Thank you once again

One of your best videos ❤️❤️

Guess I never looked at it like an addiction! I'm going thru this now! So painful.. it's ok.. thank u so much!

Alan, I’ve never heard anyone speak on existential issues as you do. I really needed this. Thank you so much and please come back to us and make more videos!

Straight to the point wise. Like that.!!!

This is the best talk on loneliness I’ve ever heard. Thank you!

Your words are pure genius, they bring me to tears. Thank you...

Massively wise words and insights. Can't express how profoundly this has helped me. Thank you for normalizing and contextualizing the struggle! You're a rock star, Alan.

Bring it oon!! 😂 Thank you, I laughed so much, alone 😂, to all the self-help bs called out. Hahahaaa...

Thank you 🙏for helping me step back and feel this. To except it as a part of life and that’s ok.

My God this is some truth! ,20 years of therapy and finally some unanswered questions answered. Thank you so much Alan.

A truly liberating profound truth.

I really hope you will live forever on this planet and talking these wisdoms. Hugs🌹❤️

As a licensed psychotherapist in Vietnam, your content resonates deeply with my older approach (existential psychotherapy) and newer approach (somatic/attachment trauma). This was a funny (but true) video. Would love to have you as some sort of consultant/supervisor role on my team.

Thank you for this forensic analysis of loneliness. Its brilliant! What a relief to hear someone advocating acceptance rather than buying into all the so called positive psychology bullshit out there in an attempt to escape it!

You are the realist on earth 💯

You’re absolutely unique in your universal😊 Thanks for putting a counterweight to the Lets Visualize Ourselves Asap Into A Happy Little Life Again. Thanks for letting us share our loneliness together via this video. It helps.

Everything about the way you articulate is so profound. I don’t know how you do it but you literally get into the nitty gritty of my entire life’s riddle. I have forever been trying to figure what was wrong. I thank the Universe for you. Thank you thank you

Really helpful, thank you so much Alan, as always!!

Deep loneliness, if one can endure it for long enough, especially the unbearable pain of it at times,, is one of the ways of deep healing on many levels, also of love addiction and codependecy. We become connected to ourselves, learn how to self care, self sooth and be ... Be conected without grasping and fulfilled just on being alive. This is my experiance. I wouldn't choose myself if I had a choice but it was the only way for me to heal. Befriending it made me free. 💚✌️

You deserve a lot more subscribers. Your videos are fantastic!

Thank you, love this, so helpful.

Thanks Alan, great videos super helpful

This is excellent. A really fun but serious take on essential wisdom for overcoming the pain of the human condition.

Awesome honesty ....love it.

Omg I think this video was all one take. That speaks volumes about you. You are a beautiful man. You just changed my life. Thank you for sharing this.

This is the most authentic video I’ve ever seen

Thank you for sharing. I love your manner and you ability to convey a painful, yet liberating message. This is gold!

I love this video and the clarity you brought out in this video. New age hocus pocus spirituality often deny this issue. Existential anxiety is something I have been struggling ever since I was a teenager. I don’t even know if it will go away. Perhaps that anxiety is meant to be there, on a manageable level. It constantly reminds me the value, time and preciousness of life so that I don’t waste it, as much as possible. I embrace this futility of search and emptiness and exactly because of this emptiness, every little moments, connection and the possibility to actually do something in this world bring a deep sense of joy and delight! Thank you for your effort and passion in your work.

Wow you are most honest true helpful so precise on our suffering you always amaze me with every video. thanks you 💞

Love this sooo much I was wondering about this but just bought into the idea that I had no other choice but to keep moving being more and more productive. Becoming a human doing as much as I could. But I’m glad you’re telling me I can just live with the loneliness and love it.

Thank you, so so helpful.

Alan, you give Jordan Peterson more than a run for his money. This video speaks to a lot of people, myself included, and it validates our experience, provides explanation, and gives guidance. Keep on keepin' on.

This video is one of the best videos that has ever happened in the history of human kind! Thank you for being so eye-opening, so genius! ❤😱🙏🏻

Great Video!! Good to know that I'm not alone when I'm lonely.

One of your best Robarge. Excellent content and your authentic delivery impacts the souls watching you on vid.

Your video may be 6 years old but the message it delivers is timeless. Thank you.