The hardest part about being an ENFJ is when you are unable to get external validation.. I am stuck in a loop, just like you described. I find myself unable to use my secondary function any more (despite being most proud of my intellectual side). I've been stuck in a really bad cycle with depression and at the end of the day it mostly stems from my inability to provide personal validation and the lack of external. I am constantly seeking compliments and I know I'm doing it but I cannot stop.

Girl, you got it right. A lot of people have told me that they don’t know me. They feel naked around me coz I know so much about them. The thing is I don’t force them to do it. They would just freely give me information. It’s too difficult for me to let people know what I think.

The hardest part of being an ENFJ female is that no one is around when we have an emergency. These 'friends' (and I use that word loosely) are always happy when we help them. Sadly, rarely ever reciprocated

The problem with letting other people know how I feel is usually that they don't REALLY wanna know. Like yeah, maybe they are interested in a couple of things, talking a little about a topic is good, a shallow brush of problems is okay. But I can't usually talk enough about something in order to feel better. I realize immediately when their attention starts to fade. And they usually just don't get me. They want to, but they can't actually comfort me. Not really. At least like 75% of all types. INFPs comfort me, ISFJs give useful advice, other ENFJs are great to really discuss things. But many other types just can't deal with our level of depth once we've started to dive into it.

"You are included in the needs of everyone." A really wonderful sentence. Thank you. I will try remembereing that more often.

Hahahaha! That 2% though. That’s scary. If I’m sad I feel like I can make the whole room sad. Maybe that’s the reason why I don’t try to be around people, when I’m feeling sad or mad. I’m really trying my best to do “self-care” stuffs.

Your advice on focusing on the introverted feeling is spot on. My greatest growth came from when I finally turned inward and asked myself the same questions I ask other people, give myself the same radical compassion I readily doll out to even total strangers. As I started doing that, it was like I was finally able to start letting people in and it's been profound. Excellent video.

I appreciate you posting this so much. It felt like you were speaking to the most delicate part of me, and doing it with such care, wisdom, and empathy. I’m truly moved. It was hard to hold back tears at times. You’re a wonderful coach!

As an ENFJ male, I have been described as a little bit of a misfit, but I guess being good at what I do as a musician / lecturer / web designer has helped me to keep my confidence despite many masculine figures telling me about my potential and that I should this and that and not pursue the life I live. Honestly I hated it at the start because they made me doubt myself, but over the years, I've learned to just care less and distance myself from the toxicity and here I am! Thank for sharing this and helping me make sense of my personality!

oh ye enfjs look into my soul , they scare me away as a intp. its as if they see through me and into my emotions and bring it to the surface which im trying to hide or not aware of. but a mature enfj does it in such a good way and i feel seen and felt

This the most productive ENFJ explanation on KZfaq by far. Most ppl explains an ENFJ as being manipulative but in essence I don’t think that’s the case. And it’s very true I do need to be on my own with introverted thinking to understand what I truly want.

Hey! ENFJ here! I can relate to many things you said. Im usually the "mom" of the group. Ive always been the repsonsible friend that people come to for advice. Ive also been the fun party friend as well. However, as Ive gotten older I feel like my extroverted part of me has changed drastically. I am still surrounded by lots of people because Im a dance teacher. But I dont spend a lot of time hanging out with friends. I spend a lot of time on my businesses and with my boyfriend. I feel like as Ive gotten older I have a little bit of social anxiety and I kind of hide from people a bit and dont get close to people. The only time I build relationships with people is with my dance students, dance parents, when Im teaching someone something. This last year Ive been working on it...but its weird to call myself an extrovert when I feel like I dont socialize like one.

I'm an ENFJ, and I started meditating. I feel like it's a great way to get in touch with my introverted intuition. Thank you for the information!

This didn't feel too critical at all! It is extremely helpful advice. I have a REALLY hard time knowing what I want, even when I try to sit and think about what I want/need. So thank you! Spending time each day thinking about myself and what I need will most likely help me there. Excellent advice, thank you!

Are you a professional on this? You effortlessly know this stuff really really well. I'm very suprised how good you make sense of this.

It's funny having an ENFJ as my mom. She's such a...mom. I found especially interesting your point about using introverted thinking to resolve conflicts in an impersonal way. I've noticed that my mom can take peoples' opinions personally and stir up a lot of controversy. She never wants to compromise, because she believes so deeply in her idea of the way things are. I guess that's an overreliance on introverted intuition.

Enfj are the best humans the most beautiful souls I have ever know. My bff is enfj and we are friend like 20 years now. Lov you all enfj 🥰🥰

When I found out I was an ENFJ, things started to make sense about myself and how I’ve impacted people and my real interest in peoples lives. But, this helped me understand that I need to be more introverted because I neglect myself or my own self. Thank you for the advice for me to recognize other sides to this personality type so I can work on those parts

Wow 😮 you made me tear up. I can’t believe how accurate these descriptions are. Thank you so much I finally feel understood

11:23, it's really hard for us to ignore the potential. Even if we know 100% that things are going worse for sure. But if we see the potential in that person, we can't just give up, we can't be thag selfish to leave such a person in dust. We will try our best to get person going, unless they give up on us, or leave us.

There have been phases of my enfj life where I have been extremely unhealthy. I appreciate you trying to describe some improvements. That is what we need. Like you said because we are so giving emotionally we can lack the self support for our own emotions. This is where I am the worst at being an enfj. When I feel emotionally exhausted and I have nothing left for myself I start to feel resentment towards others who are not supporting me in the ways I offer them support. More so, I can feel resentment towards myself for not having balance. When you spoke about how others may never put out that same effort, only due to their brains processing differently, it helped so much. I am looking into sources on this because I need healthy ways to manage my feelings towards the efforts or non efforts of others. And simply accepting and understanding their unique processes is very helpful. I truly think that because we can be such a light when we are healthy, you are absolutely right about poisoning the environment when we are unhealthy. I see that trend in my own family and sometimes I get frustrated because my vibe is so easily impacful..even when I don't want it to be.

Extroverted: expend energy. Introverted: conserve energy. Ne: branching possibilities. Ni: distilling predictions. Fe: collective harmony Fi: personal values Te: construct ideas. Ti: refine ideas. Se: no idea. Engaging environment? Si: not sure. Maintaining equilibrium?

INFP here married to my ENFJ husband. It's awesome. And when we have issues we resolve them so smoothly. Definitely a fantastic match :)

the experience ive had with enfjs is that they don't necessarily understand people's feelings its more like they guess what someone feels and work off of that instead of actually trying to understand them

I resonated with pretty much this whole video but damn, when you briefly mentioned not wanting to win in a board game because you don’t want others to lose, I just had a realization about how non competitive and not prioritizing of myself I am

ENFJ-A here. I really appreciated the phrase used "you have the permission" and how you emphasized that it would be best for others. I found nothing critical or demeaning in your video. Looking forward to future videos of yours. Thank you

I am a ENFJ but sometimes I get ENFP too but mostly my whole life I've resonated with ENFJ in almost every situations

«it’s ok if you win at a board game and other people lose» omg!!!! That hit

Mid 40s I am just learning the value of "thinking time " - alone, no music, no TV, no people.... Pen and paper... And asks myself what don't I want to think about then how to fix it, what do I want. You're video is spot on.

Just discovered I'm an ENFJ. You mentioned the test reliably gets at least one letter wrong in the classification test. I'd like to know more about how to determine the accuracy of my place in this system. I had all my best friends take the test and my 4 closest turned out to be INFP which are supposedly our perfect match. The others were fellow ENFJ types with one exception. I recently had a friend (INFP) tell me that they trusted me with their whole heart. It was the greatest feeling and compliment I think I've ever received from anyone. I believe one reason the bond between us is so good is because she believes 'I see her' more than anyone else in her life. i believe that to feel understood is tremendous and I'm all about that intimate bond. Thank you for the really interesting video! I will subscribe to your channel.

I used be so ENFJ, but I have been through a lot and thrust into jobs I wouldn't want to do that deeply effect my faith in humanity. I need people and I need to help them, but I am so over parasitic takers that I don't even know if I want to know people anymore.

I’ve come back to this video time and time again. Since finding out that I’m an ENFJ, I’ve scoured KZfaq to try and find more in depth videos on our type - with not a ton of luck. Thank you for making such an affirming, positive video and speaking to us on an incredibly empathetic level. And no, your criticisms were completely valid - I identify with not having strong opinions and pushing aside opposing views for the harmony of “the group.” Thank you for bringing light to weaknesses I didn’t fully understand, and providing a clear path on how we can work on ourselves. I’ll definitely work on introspection, and zeroing in on the “why” of my thoughts/convictions!! Much love!

I'm an introverted extravert ENFJ, so when you mentioned going introvert in order to distil wisdom, then b extroverting it outwards, I felt that.

Thank you for this video, it was lovely. I am an ENFJ who is quite new to being classified this way. (I had gotten ENFJ on personality tests multiple times, but never bothered to look too far into it.) While the concept of NI’s and FE’s is still a bit difficult for me to wrap my brain around, this video helped me gain background knowledge in the subject. I find it a bit ironic that you advise ENFJ’s watching this video to think more introvertedly (did I say that right?) because The people watching this video are practicing a kind of introspection by trying to learn more about themselves. In a way, they are also putting themselves first by taking the time to pay attention to who they are. All this to say you probably stroked a lot of ENFJ egos - including mine! I may be a bit of an oddball amongst my kind. Dude many of my life experiences, I am very introspective, I have a strong sense of self and know how to protect myself from those who would be a negative influence on my life. I am not an extrovert, I am an omnivert. (Omniverts are quite uncommon, (so much that spellcheck thinks it’s a made up word) they possess the extreme traits of both introverts and extroverts - as opposed to amniverts, whose traits sort of cancel out and are less extreme overall.) Unfortunately, there is no ONFJ classification…..yet. But anyway, back to the video. You have no need to be anxious, a lot of the things you said certainly ring true for me, and I’m sure it does for others as well. In addition, although you were anxious you became less so as you delved more deeply into the topic at hand. When you’re not thinking about the situation and you’re instead focused on the subject matter you are far less anxious and more eloquent. Sometimes, people can get anxious about being anxious. I wonder if you might be one of those people. Either way, I hope my words give you the confidence to realize that you do know what you’re talking about, and you have no need for anxiety on this subject at least . :) (but that’s just what I think) Annnnnyyy waaayy…. Thank you for the information and advice, I hope you have a lovely day! 💖

Hey Alexis! Im a 22 year old ADHD, Leo, & "ENFJ" according to a few briggs tests. My life has been very chameleon like and i find it hard to get to me time where i can reflect. I've been getting better slowly but this was a big help in pushing progression. Appreciate the video, you're a very warm person and I love it. just wanted to say that. Thank you!`

This was the most comprehensive ENFJ analysis I have ever seen on KZfaq.

15:15... I have never heard someone state my problem so easily... Overlooked and under appreciated... Always present and supportive.. Never first

Hello, BEAUTIFUL! True ENFJ here. Your are BRILLIANT! A lot of food for thought😂...How I wish I could share with you the ENFJ perspective!😉

I’m always complementing others when I truly feel they deserve it. I on the other hand don’t receive compliments very rarely. I don’t expect them, but it would sure be nice to feel appreciated once in awhile. I don’t believe that’s asking too much.

This was a super helpful video - probably one of the best I’ve seen on ENFJ type. I searched this out because I wanted to know more about how to help an ENFJ who’s not in a good place get out of being stuck focussed on their Se. You hit the nail on the head when you said they can get stuck taking the easy option for now at the expense of their future self as that perfectly describes what has led to their life falling apart bit by bit over the last year. I’m an ISFJ and it frustrates me so much that they’ve put off dealing with their issues when they were small and manageable at the expense of their future selves where their problems now overwhelm their whole life. My ENFJ friend can’t see it though and just keeps saying ‘Why do all these bad things keep happening to me?’ when I think in reality they wouldn’t be such bad things had they been dealt with when they happened in a more practical way than just ignoring the problem and hoping it’ll go away. Spoken like a very practical thinking ISFJ, I know, but I’m now at a loss as to how to help my ENFJ friend get their life back on track. I thank you though for your pearls of wisdom in this video, I’ve found it very helpful 😁

Take aways fir Enfj 1) take care of your self because set the atmosphere 2) are great in anticipating needs 3) communication

This is so spot on! The part about being able to pull out the gift in others is so true. I have been constantly told that I’m the best birthday message giver haha! But I think the thing is that we do want to make others feel safe and welcome, so when we compliment someone we truly look inside ourselves in order to understand what it is about that person that is so great, because everyone is great, we just really focus on what’s a singularity that makes that person different than others…

Just discovered you. Shocked to hear you talk at the end about being so anxious. This video has helped me understand myself better than any other single video or talk or book about mbti or any personality assessment. Can’t wait to watch the video on my husband’s type next. From the bottom of my warm, empathic, philosophical but also sometimes extremely anxious heart - thank you for this 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

That was crazy accurate. Especially about getting into relationships and seeing where they might go in the future. I wish I knew that about myself in my 20s.

Thanks for this video! There isn't that much content about us online and your video was really helpful and spot on.

Y am I sobbing rn. Cannot thank you enough🤲🏾🖤

I'm an ENT/FJ. I've taken the test 5 times over 30 yrs and I am always a strong E, N, J and I'm pretty much 50/50 with T and F. I have figured out I'm more F in my social life and more T at work. You did a good job explaining.

Im so single as ENFJ that it’s not even funny. Im told Im intimidating and that people think i must have a full, exciting dating life when the opposite is true. I am very selective though because I notice now, I attract narcissistic men who only want me as a trophy. This makes my heart break so much because i need love and nurturing too.

As a male this was hard to hear. Explained a lot about my needs not being met and my inability to express them in favor of taking care of people

As an Enfj myself i would like to say to my fellow mates pls accept compliments and really put urself first too it will make you feel less burdened!

You really do see this picture clearly, your description is remarkably accurate I'm an ENFJ and Enneagram 5 wing 6 sexual subtybe This is the most truthful, caring and logically sound description on the internet that I've found.

Hello ENFJ’s! Good to see so many of you on here and relating.

ENFJs Are AWESOME! They Are Great Partners In Crime With Us ENTPs.

You brought me to tears! I have been interested in Myers Briggs personality for about 2 years now and I have never found such an accurate description and explanation of who ENFJs like me are. I do tend to beat myself up sometimes, for little things, and you showing and listing what we bring to the world made me feel amazing and more confident in who I am. Your video was really not criticizing, it has been more helpful than anything. Thank you SO much for this ❤️

Your breakdown of this is amazing!

one of my struggles as an enfj is feeling inadequate when I'm not feeling connected to others (in my perception) so I'm working on being okay with that :)

I love the way you broke this down! So informative!

Great information, thank you for taking the time to create the video!

thank you so much for saying what you did and being so kind about it. seriously. thank you !

This is such a fantastic video, thank you!!

I feel so seen!! Thank you ❤

This was SO insightful!!!!! Thank you!!! ❤❤❤

This video was so healing and revelatory on so many levels. I felt understood and I came to an understanding about parts of me that I didn’t know before. Thank you for this beautiful take on my personality type. I’m very grateful for your time and energy put into this!

Wow incredibly insightful!! Finally a video that digs deep without being limiting. Thanks.

Wow that was a great video! Very insightful! Keep up the great work!

Thanks for sharing the info! I recently discovered that I’m an ENFJ, and the advice really resonated with my life experiences. Many aspects hit home, explaining my choices and behaviors. Childhood trauma led me to rely heavily on introverted thinking/intuition, but as I grow, I’m overcoming fear of judgment. Now, I understand why I cherish connecting with people. While I recognize my underdeveloped extroverted feeling, I embrace authenticity. Feeling a bit like Poppy from the Trolls movie, I just want to be everyone’s best friend, sing, dance, and braid hair together! Hahaha.

What a great video! Your way of explaining an ENFJ is wonderful! Thank you!

thank you so much for this video!! I learned a lot I will make myself better to be able to be the best I can be for my self and for the people ❤️

My ENFJs brothers and sisters totally spoke what I want. So lastly, thanks for all of you guys (especially the sister who made this video) 💚

What an amazing video! I have seen so many videos on enfj’s and yours is by far the best and most easy to understand. Thanks for sharing!

This is a really great video. It's an overload of information, and I love it. Might rewatch this a few times as I dive deeper into myself after so long avoiding it.

I really love what you're sharing here, and your authenticity is mind blowing!! I am ENFJ myself and I learned a lot from it, thank you so much!

Ah, boundaries with other people. The struggle is so real. #peoplearentprojects

Thank you for this so much 💕

Really great video Alexis. It felt like I've been through a counciling myself. And it is also very inspiring. If this video doesn't change my life, idk what would 😊🤗😇.

Thank you so much for your insightful analysis of the ENFJ, definitely related on a deep level :)

Thank you so much for this, I will be watching again to take notes ! I really needed to hear these points, especially about being selfish w what i need to achieve.. People pleasing always hurts us in the end. Got a call yesterday that my job is laying a bunch of us off.. It feels like perfect timing as my online store is almost up and i wanna work on other things instead of taking on another job. :) Thank you again

Woahh! The bit about mood setting was a surreal observation for me! And it being super important to look after myself because of the negative knock on effect to the atmosphere of the group. I, like most ENFJs fear being misunderstood massively - something I know long before I got into MBTI - but it’s hard not to be when everyone morphs into how you are internally. It makes it too easy to live for other people when the outcome of simply feeling a bit grumpy can easily spiral into conflict and poor morale

You have no idea how good this made me feel. I wished this video never ends. And. Yes, We -the ENFJs- have been observing your energy the whole time. we loved every bit of it ;)

Helpful, also any videos or a series that could go into how different personalities handle positive and negative stress for each type would be super interesting ❤️

Thank you for overcoming your anxiousness to make this video, we really appreciate it I'm proud of you! Very helpful and enjoyable video subbed

Really impressed! Megawow! So enlightening and enjoyable! Thank you so much 💓 💛 ❤😊

This is by far the greatest mbti video I've ever seen, I can really feel your Te in your explanations, and you're also great at communicating :)

This video is amazing!!

I identify with a lot of this, thank you What about an ENFJ who has anxious energy or some level of anxiety? Thoughts on that?

I am so glad I came across this video, it felt like an attack (but in a good way) because it opened my eyes to so many underlying issues about myself that I needed to fix in order to become the best version of myself. Thank you, truly.

This has been so insightful. The part on understanding that some people aren’t constantly anticipating the needs of others was a lightbulb moment. They have other valuable strengths. It’s not personal, anticipating needs just happens to be one of mine. Thus will be so great for my relationships. Thank you

Thank you. I needed this. I have been feeling chaotic and overwhelmed. Lol, just like you were saying. It was hard to find my center. This explanation really helps me define where I am and what I need to do. I was feeling lost, but now I can slow down and be the person that others love. Self care is definitely important. Once again thank you for making the world a better place and helping me be better!

thank you so much for making this video, it meant so much to me as an enfj and the way you explained it was incredible and it made me feel heard. you are incredibly smart and listening to you was very interesting and helpful. i hope you have an amazing day :))

I laughed so hard when you called me out for being the common denomination. Really captured it well and thank you for the compliments ☺️

This was helpful and I am very greatful for this video. I didn't sense your anxiousness really but you just seemed really prepared for it and I could tell you feel strongly about us 😊. I also like how you described it as water and food. Sometimes it's hard for me to think of analogies for things because that's how I like describing things and that was perfect. 10/10 video

Hey, Alexis! I hope you're doing great. I have always been into self development but never actively perceived it... But this year I've shifted gears and started prioritising and loving as much as I love others. This video guided me in just the right direction, some moments were critical but in no way they were harsh... You were just trying to help ENFJs to be the best version of themselves. Thanks a ton, have a great day.🌻

Thank you so much for this video!!! It gave me wonderful advice that I surely am going to put in practice and also an insight into MBTI theory I wouldn’t get literally anywhere else thanks to my attention span (ADHD kid here)- but the way you present the information allows my brain to be immersed in what you have to say ❤️❤️❤️ I’ll be watching the 101 series for sure!

Keep up the great work, I really mean it ❤

This is the best explanation of functions I've ever watched, well done.

I didn’t even notice your anxious energy because the video is so captivating. I don’t remember myself pausing videos every 5 minutes for deep thinking ever. ❤️🧡💛

This video has been so informative and made me reflect on weaknesses in a different way… instead of taking it personally as I am very sensitive to feedback both good and bad… the video was just so encouraging and enlightening. Thank you.

This was very eloquent and helpful. I enjoy what was said about giving yourself permission to have controversial ideas. And some of the famous enfjs really did.

Thank you for saying "You don't need to solve all the world's problems at once." Man.... it really is so hard to step back, let go, and prioritize focusing on yourself for a season as an ENFJ. The feelings of others in need are extremely intense and then when you feel like you can't do anything about it because you're in an unhealthy state and burned out the internalization and beating yourself up gets bad. This was a really helpful and solid video. I definitely felt very seen, heard, as well as counseled. Btw you were doing great even though you were feeling nervous it's natural no matter how much experience you have in front of a camera.

Thank you, Alexis. This was so helpful and much needed. Being an ENFJ is not always the easiest, and now I know why. I will need to use those light switches more often. And by the way, no need to be anxious about talking about ENFJs, you did an excellent job.