To start this podcast I had many apprehensions, I had a viral video and what follows a viral video, like clockwork is hate. So when I started this podcast I was scared, because people wouldn’t want to hear opinions from me, cause I’m just a girl who who went viral. In the beginning I got an opportunity to work with an actor who I was big fan of, I had gone with a lot excitement and it truly was a dream come true, but that episode with an actor shattered my confidence, throughout the episode I felt like I was made to feel small, and as the episode ended it was the smallest I felt in my life.i went back home after the podcast with tears, wondering why did I work so hard throughout my life to make a name for myself, just to feel this small.
And that feeling persisted, every time I did podcast I felt like I must hold back, cause if i say a word or two more i would be taunted for it.
Yesterday I had the opportunity to do a podcast with RJ Balaji sir, I did not want to feel the same way i felt the first time- so I had only prepared movie related questions, did want to utter a word more. But I had the most important learning of my own journey. I was very nervous, under-confident and I tanked it. But I tanked in front of a very kind man, and for the first time in a very long time, I felt larger when i left the room. In conversation with sir I realized I had censored myself from saying anything with the fear of what would other people say, I do things with my heart on my sleeve- I may not look like it but everyday I was doing my best I could. This episode may not be my best, but on a personal level it was the best thing that could’ve happened to me. I’ll learn to do better. I’ll keep learning, and I’ll keep doing it with my heart on my sleeve as I always have.