Esther Perel | Modern Love and Relationships

Esther Perel | Modern Love and Relationships | SXSW 2018

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Күн бұрын

Relationships are going through a complex cultural shift. Expectations on intimate partnerships are at an all-time high, yet we lack the tools and resources to reach this new Olympus. Join iconic couples therapist Esther Perel as she shines a light on the state of modern love, the importance of erotic intelligence, and how listening to the stories of others helps us navigate our own relationships.
About SXSW:
SXSW dedicates itself to helping creative people achieve their goals. Founded in 1987 in Austin, Texas, SXSW is best known for its conference and festivals that celebrate the convergence of the interactive, film, and music industries. An essential destination for global professionals, the event features sessions, showcases, screenings, exhibitions, and a variety of networking opportunities. SXSW proves that the most unexpected discoveries happen when diverse topics and people come together. SXSW 2019 will take place March 8-17, 2019.
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Пікірлер: 580

@DrTune Жыл бұрын

11:40 "Very often in a couple there is one person who is more in touch with the fear of losing the other, and one person who is more in touch with the fear of losing themselves - one person more afraid of abandonment, and one more afraid of suffocation". Ooof that hit home...

@NicolineNDahl 6 жыл бұрын

I'm only 23 and I'm so grateful i stumbled upon her about a year ago, before entering adulthood for real. She made me realize what I can be okay with (and not be okay with) in a long-term committed relationship. Every millennial needs to listen to her. She's so radical, beautiful and insightful. Her husband and sons are lucky people to have her in their everyday lives

@sazzlepop321 5 жыл бұрын

Nicoline Noerskov wish I discovered her at your age! I feel awakened now!

@SuperNashum 5 жыл бұрын

Indeed. We enter the relationship young without the clear idea what is ok and what is not. And as a result suffer from abuse, manipulations and lies believing it’s just a temporary passage or simply to recognizing these destructive patterns as such.

@StephJ0seph 5 жыл бұрын

Not radical in the political way though... (Thankfully)

@jamesblack9499 5 жыл бұрын

Women don’t find a feminine man attractive .....they find caveman attractive ....be a caveman

@philomenapeterson1790 4 жыл бұрын

I'm 65 and so grateful to have discovered her ! Godh!

@SaundaryaLahari 5 жыл бұрын

"Many of these things are not problems that we have to solve, but these are paradoxes that we have to manage." LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this!!!!

@mtjohnson65 4 жыл бұрын

Me too!! I can't believe that I did not know about her!

@Soulshine60 3 жыл бұрын

She is a phenomenal speaker

@Tomino1302 2 жыл бұрын

"Relationships are our story, write well and edit often" What a mind blowing saying!!

@SaystheTruth3 2 жыл бұрын

Yes perfect!

@dannyallegra 6 жыл бұрын

There is no emoji to express my admiration for this woman. I've followed her for a while, read her first book, listen both seasons of her poadcast... for me, she is the one with the best insights about relationships. She is for us today what philosophers were for the ancient Greece: the smartest person to go to for wise advise.

@Shark-Malark 4 жыл бұрын

D. N. Agreed! Psychotherapy for anyone in pursuit of a meaningful life as a human being

@MichL_71 4 жыл бұрын

She makes sense, but have you applied her lessons and found then beneficial?

@JohnBedson 4 жыл бұрын

"advice"

@lindaejimadu3996 4 жыл бұрын

@@JohnBedson .

@JohnBedson 4 жыл бұрын

@@lindaejimadu3996 .

@vasillir 5 жыл бұрын

What an amazing display of the English language. Well chosen powerful words like a razor. You can see how she enjoys saying them. Such a strong delivery of many of the difficult questions and ideas. Well done.

@philipcox6879 6 жыл бұрын

"For you, my beloved, I will delete my apps" 😂 That section would make great tongue-in-cheek wedding vows.

@anthanykrebs3586 6 жыл бұрын

Hahahaha ... So true & funny... But, what does that say about where we are today ... Shew... :-/

@adeleforgey1872 5 жыл бұрын

😀

@WahkeenaSitka 5 жыл бұрын

this is so true and utterly hysterical. i'm in a new relationship of 3 months, and i deleted / deactivated all the online dating websites...

@shumetesam7407 5 жыл бұрын

Ya😂😂😂

@saschaspring2198 5 жыл бұрын

Just ended a relationship because he WOULD NOT DELETE THEM AND STILL ASKED WOMEN OUT ON THEM!!! It's funny but sorrowful at the same time. May the insight grow ....

@tinah34 5 жыл бұрын

Esther’s work is groundbreaking....she’s truly a pioneer in the field of modern psychology. Her public talks continue to get richer and richer in content and context. Love her and the work she shares with the world

@lexie02jones25 4 жыл бұрын

Yesssss

@sazzlepop321 5 жыл бұрын

‘These are not problems that we need to solve but paradoxes that we need to manage’ - hit the nail on the head

@FranklinDSchmidd 5 жыл бұрын

"The Quality of our Relationships determines the Quality of our Life" (31 minute mark)

@ProstyjaSlovy 6 жыл бұрын

She is incredible! I stumbled upon her TED talk and can't stop listening to her now :)

@lexie02jones25 4 жыл бұрын

Same

@cherieelliot8938 3 жыл бұрын

Same here only wish I would of found her long ago

@dannyallegra 6 жыл бұрын

19:43 😢 what she just said, OMG!!! Women and men working together to free each other and themselves! I ❤ you, Esther!!

@willneverforgets3341 5 жыл бұрын

I agree, feminism needs not to be a war to fight against men, but it should be a change that has to be made by both men and women together.

@iamsheefa 5 жыл бұрын

@@willneverforgets3341 ce

@mandycjamieson 3 жыл бұрын

If you’ve never invested just one hour to understand yourself, your culture and your relationships, then let this SXSW talk be that ONE hour.

@360.Tapestry 6 жыл бұрын

i'm inspired. she cuts through the bullshit without being cutting

@jennifermelton9598 2 жыл бұрын

“Relationships are your story. Write well, and edit often.” ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

@jameskempf2581 4 жыл бұрын

She is a time traveler... understanding the dynamics of past relationships and how it clashes with today relationships is mind blowing! Bravo !

@DD-ry3zg 6 жыл бұрын

In SXSW 2018, this keynote speech from Esther Perel opened a new door to me. It's not about the newest technology; it's not about the big conflicts in the world; it's about the new meaningful & deep relationship we are facing in our life as the first time in human history; it's about the isolation and loneliness we are facing in the modern life by living in our individual places. Humanity is one thing we don't talk much but every single of us is suffering the lack of deep relationships which makes us to question ourselves badly. It's the time to talk open, to learn from each other, to team up and support each other and face the new challenge of building the true relationship in the future! Thanks Esther for being here and share the awareness of love and relationship.

@joeldwest 5 жыл бұрын

Ruohai Wang find me

@DrUnatiDrMHealthCorner 4 жыл бұрын

I'm watching Esther everyday. This whole COVID-19 time made me connect with myself. Learning more on relationships, forgiveness, self development and business. I'm so grateful ❤️.

@anewloveofficial9137 5 жыл бұрын

Every couple should listen to this, if you're struggling with your relationship, it's about time that you make a move for change. Consider the things that you really love about your partner, and correct those things that is giving you burden in the relationship. You have the power to save your relationship, and do it as early as possible.

@VanessaSimon26 5 жыл бұрын

A New Love Official truth. So many males that don’t want sex and HURTS THE RELATIONSHIP OR MARRIAGE. How did this happen? For years.

@timjones7547 4 жыл бұрын

I was married twenty years and have been divorced 20 years. I have wanted a relationship for so long; thanks to Esther I feel that I finally have the knowledge and tools to make that, or more precisely, let that happen...

@hollansc 4 жыл бұрын

“when you write a letter, you are with yourself and the other person”

@CikisHelyzet 5 жыл бұрын

"There is no Victor Secret.. so we all know where the responsibilities have lain." *cheers!* ... love you, Esther!!

@beerman1957 4 жыл бұрын

I find Esther very attractive. And it's all about how she treats people and how she helps people. She is a gift.

@409raul 6 жыл бұрын

Thank you God, for sending us Esther Perel.

@msplop 5 жыл бұрын

"...what you want is a beautiful thing and it shouldn't be the exception..." 💗 I felt that!

@donnaallgaier-lamberti3933 4 жыл бұрын

I listen to as many as Esther's blog posts as I can. I have found many pertinent take-away's. I see her speaking to many "younger" people who appear to want to know how to find and manage a relationship. As a 68-year old married to a 74-year old husband with early cognitive decline many new questions arise and the old roles have changed. Talk about a "paradigm change" that needs to be managed.... I would like to hear her talk about this latter stage of married life and the challenges and needs at this stage.

@Paulmazuk 5 жыл бұрын

I just learned of her from School of Life and thought to look up further. Her no bullshit approach is so refreshing. I watched the full talk, and the Q&A session also brought so much insight and forced me to interrogate how I do things in my own relationships. 23 year old from South Africa

@lumyb9064 4 жыл бұрын

What conclusion did you reach?

@oagengmsiza5760 4 жыл бұрын

I'm also glad I found out about her.

@tabbyp4754 2 жыл бұрын

For the first time, at 34, I've finally realized what feeling secure means. At 34, I finally understand what setting boundaries means. At 34, I finally understood that's it's ok to have a fight but to talk about it after, which is healthy. At 34, I finally FINALLY undstersand what love is. At 34, I started to love myself so that I can truly love the man I just started dating. Thank you, Esther.

@elyseredwine233 6 жыл бұрын

She really is a gift to all people in one & people seeking a healthy relationship. Amazing!!

@janmerrills4183 4 жыл бұрын

I am an English psychotherapist. I have over the years found Esther's wisdom invaluable when working with couple and often show her videos in my sessions. I cant put it better, so why try! It is always well received and opens the door for really meaningful conversations in the therapy room.

@philomenapeterson1790 4 жыл бұрын

Wow. The quality of relationships is the quality for life

@roxypredescu6599 5 жыл бұрын

Paradoxes that we need to manage..Thank you, Esther!

@Lichfeldian--Suttonian 3 жыл бұрын

Ester, this is truly GOLD! This has been my message to may family for over 30 years! Finally, someone truly understands the struggles that both men and women go through.

@elysia4982 5 жыл бұрын

Relationships, people, they are your story. Write well. And edit often.

@averal169 5 жыл бұрын

@@jordanallen8420 I should've hired a private eye years ago, it would've saved me years of heartbreak and finally walking away from my cheating husband, I had suspicions but never had proof. Good on you.

@johnk4934 5 жыл бұрын

Forgive much. Laugh often, honestly without cruelty.

@mimiglaes2479 4 жыл бұрын

Yes, "Write well. And edit often." Very important words by Esther! Thank you!

@kebzy 4 жыл бұрын

She is so wonderful. It’s like a gem that we have finally found.

@Christine-shield 5 жыл бұрын

One of the most insightful persons we have on this earth. Thank you for Esther.

@lucas2411 5 жыл бұрын

Esther your eyebrows are almost as good as the amazing insight that you have given me of myself and just how short my shortcomings in my relationships have been. Thank you!

@ironmaniatiko 4 жыл бұрын

Ok. I have listened to this woman for one month. Plenty of times. I learned a lot of her presentations and have seen that again and again. I have no surprize. But despite i know her already, i cryed here. My first tears watching youtube vid.

@ninasworld1785 2 жыл бұрын

Esther is fantastic. I don’t have enough words how much I admire her in every way. She definitely is my role model and a gift to the world. Bless her always.

@tanyahibbert8266 3 жыл бұрын

I have been listening to you, Esther, for about 2 months now and thanks to KZfaq that I found you as I wasn't looking for anything specific (intuitive algorithms perhaps) but I am happy and grateful that I did. You gave me permission and the vocabulary to say to my husband what I wanted to say for such a long time but didn't know how to without sounding like a victim. I hope that you continue to do the work that you do because we as a society need people like you. Thank you ❤

@EnigmeDeLaVie 6 жыл бұрын

A very beautiful and insightful talk on modern relationships, namely on our new (recent) outlook, expectations and desires. Touching on the subjects that we rarely talk about and asking the necessary questions that we do not ask ourselves or others, she sheds a much needed beam of light on modern intimacy.

@saelaverdad8183 4 жыл бұрын

I absolutely love the way she communicates with people and the way she teaches. She actually reminds me of a teacher I had in Germany.

@citizenofvirginity 6 жыл бұрын

The messages and topics mentioned in the talk directly and indirectly affect almost all entities of our modern society today. I wished I were there!

@tamargain7103 4 жыл бұрын

It is time, we must all heal.... our selves, our relationships, our families... thank you Esther... thank you for coming to the US and Bless YOU

@tamargain7103 4 жыл бұрын

among all the other issues that have come out of being in a pandemia, relationships is one of them, and it is just one other area that we all need to change. If we keep/handle doing things the same way we will continue to have the same result. This is for everything... so I TOTALLY COMMEND ESTHER for sharing her expertise and ability to communicate to us all , I am a total fan!

@musicsnob4226 4 жыл бұрын

It's so amazing that somebody has so much love and empathy that come from such a history of pain and suffering and end up doing so much. Some people may think that it is horrific for me to say but if that horrible thing has never happened then you essentially would not have happened and it's everywhere if you look like that. Everybody really does have a purpose and thank God that you found yours.

@sabrinafantonii 4 жыл бұрын

i'm currently 18, and i'm so happy to have stumbled across this video for i am the type of person who loves learning about personal growth through love !!

@marleylab51 3 жыл бұрын

She is such a wise and amazing speaker. I am learning more from her than alll the years I've spent in therapy. Thank you,Ms. Perel.

@lorengutierrez3736 5 жыл бұрын

She is the goddess of relationships, hands down! I am trying to get my teenage daughter to listen to her. There is so much heartache to be saved. She’s incredible! Words come so easy to her. She’s really the relationship GURU of this century. I can only dream of one session with this master and I’m sure it would be life changing. It’s on my bucket list. She is so inspirational. How does she make so much sense? I follow her and she does not miss a beat. Doesn’t matter your background or upbringing, she’s always on point. My dream is to meet her one day.

@JadenFox 6 жыл бұрын

Brilliant! Phenomenal clarity of the big issues we all dance in with our intimate relationships!

@angiechlebak1247 Жыл бұрын

Esther your insight is too be admired for lack of a better word. I am so glad God and you agreed on your path, this is definitely what fulfilling your purpose looks like. I have known all of these things to be true but I could never ever have put them into such an eloquent, funny and serious way as you do. absolutely amazed and love listening to this lecture over and over.

@rattengodhiambo4727 4 жыл бұрын

Esther is an embodiment of brilliance, eloquence, and beauty. It is hard resisting the temptation to love her.

@HP_____ 2 жыл бұрын

"Instead of problems to solve, we have paradoxes to manage." Such an eloquent way to put it!

@Kiwi-cn9cg 2 жыл бұрын

Esther Perel, you're so wise, so sharp in your analysis, a guru of relationships.🔝

@smokeylovesfire1589 Жыл бұрын

I think this so good that there needs ova Nobel Prize for this speech. I would also love a printed copy of this text. I keep starting this over to listen to it over and over! Just a brilliant speech!

@biaggi150 3 жыл бұрын

This woman is amazing, her understanding and sense of humour are completely endearing. Assuming English is not her first language her vocabulary is impressive too, so pleased I found her doing her Ted Talk.

@tulsalien 8 ай бұрын

yeah i needed this. thanks to all who made it possible to listen to esther on youtube too ❤

@peacefulpanda5990 5 жыл бұрын

WOW. She's brilliant. She tore that issue up...extremely detailed.

@WhenCutVenKat 4 жыл бұрын

One of the most talented speakers I've come across

@gilliethelele8921 4 жыл бұрын

Esther is great and a Gift to us in our relationships!

@alanarcher5954 4 жыл бұрын

Well, I've been listening to a few different people, and been taking a 7 week course on marriage, and I've been reading a lot of books, and let me tell you she's got some good stuff going on, some very good stuff! Very happy look forward to hearing more I'm going to start looking for all her stuff!

@GR-rk2fi Жыл бұрын

thank you for putting emphasis on letters as I love letters and love to write with people that are important in my life. Some people love it, too, but some just can't get it and it is good to hear that you also see a quality in it! Also, some people suffer from trauma and manage to not die, others mange to live and thrive. You have such a great way of expressing things beautifully and simple together!!! 💙

@samydj5400 5 жыл бұрын

Brilliant!!! Thank you for posting!

@alfonsoalmodovar4361 4 жыл бұрын

This knowledge can save humanity from failing to realize its full potential. Literally.

@zebulunpenielpraiseb 6 жыл бұрын

So brilliant thanks Ester great topic relationships are fundamental part that we are loosing the connection due to our technology.Thanks again...

@choose2behappy699 5 жыл бұрын

Salaam alaikum and Shalom! Esther is an amazing intellectual women, who to my oppinion is bringing the classic thoughts backt to life, like family, social life, believing in one God and the meaning of sharing a life with someone we love. Al hamdulillah I have come across her!

@zackandlime 6 жыл бұрын

Esteher outchea saving couples and relationships one talk at a time! This woman should be sainted / knighted. 👌

@ratulbalabiswas7774 3 жыл бұрын

This is the first time a talk made this much sense

@stayseee1 5 жыл бұрын

the most profound words I have ever heard- I love her

@maryantoinettepreciousrubi4639 5 жыл бұрын

Her talks are inspiring and mind opener for me.

@ZanaBeeee 5 жыл бұрын

Working on self improvement for the new year & I’m so happy I was introduced to your work

@ryanhague3892 2 жыл бұрын

I'm glad I was forwarded this. Thx

@sophials Жыл бұрын

Thank you for uploading this.

@paulbelfrage876 5 жыл бұрын

Magnificent!!!...She's nailed it again! Go Esther!

@virginiayoussef 2 жыл бұрын

Lovely talk Esther, you r very eloquent and highly knowledgable about the topic, it gives trust in you and confidence to the listener. I take these words of jewel from your talk so that everyone can reflect on them. “If we are going to work towards true equality between men and women, we will have to help women find power and voice equally as we will help men to be able to share their heart and vulnerability.” “Stable ambiguity in a relation is that it is enough to feel we are together so that we are not alone but at the same time free enough not to feel committed." “The lives of women will not change until men have the opportunity to examine, define and change their lives." & I would love to end with this:- “In our secularized society, we have basically taken romantic love to replace the role of religion, many times we look at our partners to give us transcendence, meaning, ecstasy and wholeness, all these things that we used to look for in the perfect world of the Divine."

@artistic_mama2295 3 жыл бұрын

Amazing video, thank you 😊

@vincentadika8562 2 жыл бұрын

A very strong and powerful presentation on this penultimate subject. Excellent.

@nedthumberland 6 жыл бұрын

I am so grateful for this speech.

@FloorMaassen 5 жыл бұрын

Esther, I would really love to see you talk about modern love and relationships with Jordan Peterson. I love your talks but I would love discussion about the topic. Thank you so much!

@e-criticslh8061 2 жыл бұрын

You are so funny/ entertaining .. so beautifully delivered to those hard talks .. thank You for sharing those words .. we are not alone .

@ap-mm2xj 3 жыл бұрын

"Many of these things are not a problem that we have to solve, but these are paradoxes that we need to manage" WOW

@lynngriesemer4940 6 жыл бұрын

Brilliant mind; excellent insights. Thank you Esther!

@matildamaher2650 4 жыл бұрын

You are an amazing lady. Everyone must get to watch your video.

@AparnaKhanolkar 4 жыл бұрын

Esther you are a gift to us all. Thank you 🙏🏽 love your podcasts.

@ezrabamulikulwaki8273 2 жыл бұрын

Thx alot ,its really helpful

@michelleschneider5912 Жыл бұрын

Thank you for bringing words to the emotions and processes we are all going through :)

@joshuaehl1481 6 жыл бұрын

wow, she really does get it.

@pistolen87 4 жыл бұрын

The ultimate goal in this individualistic society is to be as independent and self sufficient as possible, making love harder to achieve.

@matushka78 2 жыл бұрын

Her choice of words is very deliberate. That's why it sticks the landing you cannot forget once you've heard it

@candacecastro1 5 жыл бұрын

"Stable ambiguity" - LOVE that description!

@annbunjhoo8242 4 жыл бұрын

One of the most brilliant minds! Gotta love her.

@MasterTomNL 5 жыл бұрын

Great video. Thanks for sharing this inspirational message.

@Nina-md3tm 3 жыл бұрын

Such an important message delivered by a genius speaker

@charlesastle2077 4 жыл бұрын

i am a math type but you esther perel and William c reich are the most brilliant minds I have ever ready

@NiinaSKlove 5 жыл бұрын

- Write well, and edit often. - Well said.

@reeves326 5 жыл бұрын

What a fantastic person! Such a huge inspiration!

@CallieSYR 3 жыл бұрын

Always succinct. The perfect go-to for background listening..

@SandraF2606 5 жыл бұрын

So true and so inspiring!

@alibeaumont-filder3185 3 жыл бұрын

Brilliantly and comprehensive . Great truth and recommendation .

@myapoise 3 жыл бұрын

Does anyone else listen to these and go "faaaaa***k, I give up" !

@obsederessa2487 5 жыл бұрын

she looks like Meredith Grey, from Grey's anatomy.