You are really getting your money's worth from that one cigarette

His parents seem to have a more interesting story than him.

"I learned that you can't trust anybody" *Immediately put his trusts on the main characters/love interest*

I love the fact that he cares enough to count his age in half years.

"Derek Darkblade is LITERALLY me" - me, as a scrawny 12 year old growing up in a loving and well-off family, still afraid to swear out loud or go more than a mile from my rural house without my parents

At first, I thought "there's no way this guy is ACTUALLY an edgy YA protagonist", but when I saw that tattoo, my mind changed instantly.

That was the edgiest tattoo I’ve ever seen. I can’t handle this guy

“Surprised I swear? Get used to it.” Really makes it sound like we’re on for a long 7 books.

What about his scars that are not like normal scars they somehow are perfectly placed to excentuate how good looking the person inevitably is.

Let's not forget his love interest Susan Sunshine who is the opposite if him in every way and it really doesn't make sense why she likes him but the plot requires her too.

This is what playing Shadow the Hedgehog for 5 minutes does to a man.

every man carrying thing video is literally just a guy that wants powers of dark magic but doesn’t want to deal with the consequences.

it would be funny if they got someone like Michael Cera to play this character in the film adaptation

The most tragic part of his backstory is that his parents thought that Derek Darkblade would be an acceptable name for the prestigious noble landowner they wanted him to become.

As an edgy ya protagonist, this is very accurate

Okay, but change the age to 48 and this is also pretty much every "badass" male hollywood lead in an apocalypse or prison flick

ashamed to admit i definitely would have had a crush on derek darkblade in middle school

While most see him as just some punk kid, he’s also the only one who can saves us from the most evil thing imaginable, adults.

Important question: were his parents each stabbed 37 times, or is that 37 times split between them? In which case, who was stabbed how many times?

Facinating how a man who doesn't trust anyone allowed someone to doodle on his flesh with an ink stabbing machine.

I think this is a YA book Jake actually wrote and he's just trying to slowly introduce us to it

I’m worried - those are all telltale signs of a tax evader.

I like the "19 1/2 years" part. It's like a kid saying "ACTUALLY, I'm 7 years and 8 months old! So I'm already closer to being 8!" And I can totally see an edgy teenager say that.

This needs to be a real book

Satan trembles when he glances at me

And to make it extra accurate, the video was taken from the Netflix adaptation, where the 19 and a half year old is played by a 37 year old actor. Spot on, Mr. Thing.

Dude my parents were stabbed only 36 times and not even decapitated, this is clearly a darker backstory

As an edgy ya 19 1/4 year old protagonist whose parents died in 37 combined car accidents and then drowned, this is accurate

Every Dystopian Young Adult novel: "Oh no, the teenager with love triangle is about to start a revolution!"

You can tell he has depth because he swears.

Despite (or maybe because of) your bad boy attitude, I'm inexplicably sexually attracted to you. So is my best friend. And now this will lead to a rift in our once perfect friendship where one of us will become the hero and the other the villain of this trilogy told in 4 books.

every female YA protagonist: i'm not like the other girls. i don't fit in. i'm not pretty, i just have pale skin, perfect blonde hair, sparkling purple eyes and a birthmark the shape of an angel's wings on my back. i always knew i was different. i don't do stupid girly things like painting my nails and talking about boys. no, i _read books_ and went out on _adventures_ . have i mentioned that there are two hot boys who are desperately in love with me even though i'm so unnoticeable and ugly?

Nothing quite like teenagers who like to pretend they are dark, jaded and cynical, unlike adults who are actually dark, jaded and cynical and realize it's not as much fun the second time around.

I would read the shit out of that book

This man gets more done in 33 seconds than most sketches get accomplished in 5. Truly impressive! Love these shorts so much!

"also... i am the chosen one... not that i deserve to be"

The edge was overwhelming, I have the sudden urge to brood and not trust anyone

Female version: mostly the same except she’s hated by every male for the simple fact she likes to read and wear black, her main rival is a cookie cutter preppie cheerleader bully, and whoes mentor is either a stodgy old man she rebels against with no consequences or a cartoonishly misandrest old woman

"I don't fear death... It's the devil whose afraid that I'll take over when I get there. "- Derek Darkblade after his best friend who was actually his estranged half angel twin betrayed him in chapter 2 of book 3

I hope to release my new YA book soon. It's called "Darker than Darkkness - Bleak Chronicles Book 1". The main character is Lukcas Darkkness, a troubled 17 year old who uses sarcasm as a defense mechanism because everyone he was ever close to has DIED. Our anti hero will travel the magical world of Lunguindel on a high stakes adventure that stops just short of being interesting.

Him describing how his parent died oddly makes him seem like the one who did it lol

Finally a faithful adaptation of The Prince of Thorns. 👏

"And that's how I met your father" - Female YA main character

How does this guy manage to so accurately parody almost every trope ever in like 30 seconds

He is so edgy, I'm sure that he is evil and we should all be afraid of him. I would be so surprised, if he has actually a good heart and actually works against the evil people. Also I don't think, one of the female protagonist will ever fall in love with this guy, I mean, we have seen the tattoo on his dangerous muscular arm that can be surprisingly gentle, when he needed to save the person that will not fall in love with him, he is so scary!

I write adult fantasy and purposely put a “Braedyn Dustshadow” (horribly spelled on purpose) in my book as a nod to the absolutely ridiculous male love interest in every YA books. He’s a side character that annoys the shit out of every other character. I’m hoping my agent let’s me leave him in but he’s completely useless and unnecessary so there is a big chance they say no.

I think this character might be a lone wolf

“Derek Darkblade, the cursed, his darkness or(more likely) that fucking demon” I already want to punch him in the ear… so pretty accurate

You forgot the "but I have a soft side you can only see when I broodily play my guitar in the middle of the night"

Yo, this edgy YA protagonist is just like me, for real! So relatable. Time to grow overly attached to him and take any possible criticism as personal attacks. Or to grow overly attached and act like he's a real love interest to fix. Probably both.

"people usually call me" "my parents" "you can't trust anyone" "[swearing noises]" YA PROTAG STARTER PACK LMAOO

Possible book titles: The Edge of Lords, The Edgelord Chronicles, The Lord of Edging

I can see the inevitable fan castings and black and white gifs on Tumblr already!

"People say they want the powers of dark magic, but no one wants to deal with the consequences" When a book opens with this kind of vibe, you either end up with Sabriel or with Edgemond McAngsty, no in-between

“My parents were stabbed 37 times” Each, or all together?

Can we get a protagonist that is just grumpy/nervous around people all the time, but doesn't think much of it until they meet people who make them realise there are things from their past that they haven't gotten over yet

This video got posted seconds after I was just telling a friend how unnatural and forced an F-bomb was in another video, thank you for your impeccable timing! Edit 2022-10-14: kzfaq.info/get/bejne/ecxihbNkyOCck5s.html :V

I like when characters start out like that but as the plot progresses you realize they're actually meant to be a silly, overdramatic dork on purpose. Their whole thing is that they want to be tough and stoic and badass because they think it'll make them hurt less, and use it as a shield. But once you actually know them it's so easy to see through the facade and see that really, deep down, they're lonely and miserable and scared and desperately want to feel in control. They try too hard and it always ends up making them look pathetic or immature rather than cool. They usually end up becoming great comic relief characters after their arcs resolve their main issues.

“I stabbed him 37 times in the chest” “Carl that kills people.”

He is so misunderstood and relatable. I love how he doesn't show his feelings or emotions other than being angry, rude or sometimes darkly comedic (but no happiness in thst comedy he has to be a nihilist who never smiles)

Once the love interest gets too close to me, I’ll say “shit” a couple times to show that I’m angry and push her away, but really I’m just misunderstood

This is what happens when Fan Fiction writers grow up and get publishing deals

a character who swore was the most scandalous thing to me as a child, swearing was the only thing we got hit for growing up, so i would've considered derek darkblade the edgiest, coolest person imaginable for that alone.

"Where's that damn forth chaos emerald?!"

*proceeds to have character arc where by the end of the book he learned the true power of friendship*

This is so fucking accurate. Also I really want to read this book so fucking bad.

saying you're 19 and a half as if you're an 8 year old saying they're 8 and three quarters was the cherry on top for me

0:31 did he eat the cigarette

Girl version: where a woman can't be feminine *and* badass at the same time.

Man Carrying Thing, delivering the best sketches I've seen every day like it is nothing

The last sentence is surprisingly very inspiring, it has changed my life forever.

The im14andthisisdeep of fantasy

Though your videos are short they always make my day. Thank you man carrying things.

I'd read this book every day forever

This guy is so cool, I think I'll shape my entire personality after him.

the stutter on the "fuck you" in the last part made me cackle

The opening line 'everyone wants to have powers of dark magic, but noone wants to deal with the consequences' is unironically awesome

_19_ years? Ok, there's also an half , but still... "Nineteen," Eddie said. "This whole deal has gone nineteen."

"The only thing I love is hate"

I bet someone will get close to him and then he'll open up, only for that person to turn on him (mildly inconvenience him), only further proving his theory that you cant trust anyone

Remember writers, this will get published and you won't.

19 and a half is perfect because it's about as old and experienced as you can get while still being a teenager long enough to write a book about.

I can’t lie, I fucking love edgy protagonists and if they’re written well they end up being more than just an edgy protagonist, kind of like Cloud Strife.

0:18 *TWENTY-EIGHT STAB WOUNDS*

It's a small detail but I love that his age is 19 1/2, I'll never get over adults choosing to write YA where they desperately want the characters to not be teens

And they’re always played by a 30 y/o in the film adaptation that flops opening weekend

"I pee without opening the zipper, get used to it Nerd!"

Love had me once...but I still had nothing.

I remember reading this series about a boy in this Grimm brothers kinda world. The first 2 books were in 3rd person and generally kid/teen-oriented, but then the third book went to first person and was EXACTLY like this

There’s a typo in your title, it should say “every American middle class 14 year old ever”

"Everyone says they want powers of dark magic" Lost it right there

I never learnt to stop modelling my personality after this once I became an adult.

If there was a satirical book like this, I would definitely read it.

big thanks to man for featuring so many cigarettes throughout his channel but never lighting one, I wonder if it's a metaphor

Yet again Man Carrying Thing knocks it out of the park with an incredible accurate video.

0:00 [Opening shot of a picturesque school campus with cherry blossoms falling] Narrator: In a world where everything's just a bit too dramatic... 0:05 [Close-up of a character with spiky hair and wide, determined eyes] Character (thinking): My name? It's Kazuki Shinjiro, but you can just call me... the chosen one. 0:10 [Friendly female character bumps into the protagonist] Female Character: Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to... Kazuki: [Interrupting dramatically] ...cross my path. Fate works in mysterious ways. 0:15 [Protagonist stands on a rooftop, overlooking the city] Kazuki (monologuing): Ever since I discovered my hidden power to control time, my life's been a constant battle against... the usual villains. 0:20 [Montage of villains with outlandish outfits and evil laughs] Narrator: Meet the Dark Society, a group of fashion-forward evildoers! 0:25 [Kazuki transforms into his battle outfit, complete with glowing armor] Kazuki (striking a pose): Time to show them the true meaning of friendship and justice! 0:30 [Action sequence with intense fighting and flashy moves] Narrator: Get ready for a series of fights that'll make you wonder why these villains never attack together. 0:35 [Female character from earlier watches Kazuki] Female Character: He's so brave... Kazuki (voiceover): But I can't let myself get too close. My duty is to protect, not to love. 0:40 [Kazuki and his friends gather around a table with oversized bowls of ramen] Friend 1: We've been through so much, Kazuki. Friend 2: Yeah, remember that time we fought an army of robotic penguins? Kazuki: Ah, yes. Those were simpler times. 0:45 [Kazuki gazes at the sunset, deep in thought] Kazuki (inner monologue): I've come to realize that the true power was the friends we made along the way. 0:50 [Final battle scene against the main villain] Main Villain: Your time-travel tricks won't save you now, Kazuki Shinjiro! Kazuki: It's not just about time, it's about believing in myself! 0:55 [Explosion of light as Kazuki unleashes his ultimate power] Narrator: Get ready for a resolution that'll make you question whether you've wasted hours on this show. 1:00 [Closing shot of Kazuki and his friends laughing together] Narrator: Because no matter how dramatic, every anime protagonist finds a way to save the day and find friendship... again and again. [End screen with the title of the fictional anime series: "Timebound Chronicles"]

His superpower is being obnoxious when grandma says "Bless you, young man. Here's a cup of hot coco." *"You poisoned this"* *Grandma takes a sip of unpoisioned hot coco in confusion.

please make more cringe stuff like this and the "book you wrote in school" sketch. They're endlessly rewatchable

Your tattoo artist must be pretty good to have the tattoo zoom in and move like that. I guess next time I need to send mine the image as a .gif

The Percy Jackson series had that one character who was the son of Hades and was quite literally an edgelord lmao