Also, "made inbreeding awesome" near the end of the vid.

And you thought skill grinding Stealth to 100 was unpleasant...

Big Bird Galapagos Finches: 👀

@@KyleJordanGaming It gets worse with consecutive generations. The first three or four are probably fine, but it all goes downhill from there.

@@KyleJordanGaming Which game are you referencing?

Reptiles don't sweat so it lines up.

@@richardhands904 What do reptiles have to do with the Habsburg family? Or am I missing a joke again.

@@jaymevosburgh3660 a running joke (that I assumed everyone knew) is the conspiracy that the world elites are shape-shifting lizard people. (you can find multiple low quality edits or "proof" of important leaders and such blinking with a presumably edited in second lizard like eyelid.

@@jaymevosburgh3660 If there is a joke, Im missing it too.

@@johnnylams3948 I think it's supposed to be a "the government is lizard people" joke.

They already did, if memory serves

How do you rate 5000?

@@lostbutfreesoul Almost certainly an XK-class End-of-the-World scenario. 5000 would have resulted in the end of the human race, but not the destruction or fundamental changing of reality itself. XK is very common, relative to the other classes to my knowledge

The SCP site has a list.

@@starwarsnerd100 but it doesn’t have the sweet narration and explanation TES has

Half the failed missions are successful some way.

​@@emperorrevan6992bruh you did not. 💀

My new head cannon Ty mate :)

I feel like Ferdinand could take alpha the role given he's indestructible. He also loves impersonating nobles. Cross testing could be interesting.

I’ve never considered this! Good theory!

I feel like simple physical description contradicts this theory, Fernand lacks virtually all traits from the aristocrats with eating humans being pretty much the only common traits between the 2 and there is a mountain of other scps that share that trait so not unique by any means.

Or he could be from an older generation, before the inbreeding got too bad.

Wait so there is no more information on the empress?!

@@drblackguymd not that I know of. “Fit For a King” is the only tale that adds on to the SCP. But hopefully, someone writes a new tale about the mysterious empress or updates the SCP file

Then why hasn’t she made a move? The Foundation has completely contained far more unknowable, more powerful entities.

@@2yoyoyo1Unplugged No one knows. Atm, it's considered a blessing she hasn't made a move. Their only lead to her location was killed by one of their researchers. Besides, the Foundation doesn't even know her exact location. They are only asssuming she lives in the Black Forest based on her title. The only way they can find her before the invasion is if they find another nest to interrogate or they find her nest. That's why I hope one day, someone updates this file or adds another tale to this SCP. Even better would be a written separate SCP file that is connected to this one.

Jesus Christ is lord. Seriously, it is all true. Please read at least three books of the Bible. The first book of each testament and one you chose yourself. As you do practice forgiveness. It is literally important-

Man, he had to break out that oldie goldie because he told a 9/11 joke that the public didn't take well not too long after the event, and it was a good one too, but hey I'm one to creak too soon jokes 😉

Doug Stanhope has also told this joke and both the best and worst version of it.

Bob Saget has a good one as well.

Gottfried had a perfect voice for comedy. I recall John Oliver getting him to read excerpts from a British Act Of Parliament on 'Last Week Tonight' and he managed to make that funny. I have heard his version of 'The Aristocrats' and it's hard to imagine someone topping it.

Gottfried told his joke at the Hugh Hefner roast, which was only 3 weeks after 9/11. Jeff Ross even said to Rob Schneider "Hey Rob, hasn't there already been enough bombs in this city?" much to the oohs and groans of the audience. Then Gottfried comes out with his Aristocrats joke and immediately lifts the audiences mixed feelings into uproarious laughter.

A farcical horror, you mean?

One of Habsburg horrors

I’m guessing this one is supposed to be based off of that “Aristocrats” joke.

@@diamondmetal3062 a remarkable observation. nothing gets past you, Holmes.

"Jokes taken much too far" are some of the best horror SCPs. This, and the Vorehole are great examples.

And that's why I don't like the serpent hands because they for some reason don't realize the consequences of letting the every day person know about the anomalous because as soon as they do some monster just waiting to happen wakes up and realizes the thing they can do with that type of crap now I whilst I don't like them doesn't mean I hate them i just think thier shortsighted

@@theenderdestruction2362 I dunno, I've thought about this a lot, and I'm actually not sure if the Foundation keeping knowledge of the anomalous hidden does anything good in this regard, since people with a lot of power and influence (like the Habsburgs) are usually still able to figure out how to access anomalous boons to their horrible plots anyway in-universe (I mean, this is pretty much why MC&D exist), and all them keeping the masses in the dark about everything really accomplishes is assuring they live in blissful ignorance and have absolutely no idea how to handle shit when the Foundation inevitably fails at some point to keep something contained on a major scale (which seems to happen with some frequency in more recent stories, since so many deal with NK Class events nowadays). Like, maybe the Serpent's Hand are shortsighted in thinking that the anomalous should be completely freed and the Foundation shouldn't even try to contain the really dangerous stuff, but I think they kind of have a point at least about keeping most of humanity ignorant about the true nature of reality (also, the absolutely inhumane way the Foundation often treats anomalous people or living anomalies that are largely harmless, or at least not particularly dangerous, which in a lot of stories is what motivates a lot of people to join the Serpent's Hand in the first place). Like I always tend to think it's better to know what you're truly up against than to live in ignorance and hope someone else will take care of you. Like in the real world, I don't think hiding very real existential threats like nuclear war or climate change would be helpful in the slightest, and while bad people in our world have used knowledge of science and technology to do horrifying things (like build nuclear weapons), I also don't think it would be better to hide science and technology from the masses. Also, it seems like a significant number of SCP authors at least partly agree with me here, considering out of all the stories where the masquerade is broken in some way (obviously outside of situations where it happens because of a literal apocalypse), more often than not, life seems to go on and the world if anything seems like an overall better place for it (the Foundation being public is anything helpful for their efforts to contain the really scary anomalies, the safe anomalies are freed, and the beneficial ones can now benefit everyone instead of just the O5 council).

Or it would form an alliance with them.

@@sabersky1134 I rather thing it would just kill them

I don't think they'd be nihilistic enough for 682 to empathize with them, like they care way too much about cannibalism (well, sort of, I guess they're not exactly human, but you know what I mean), incest, and glorious absolute monarchy, the reptile only vibes with entities like 3125, beings that solely exist to destroy life and nothing else. Plus, I think these things would still be too close to humanity for 682's tastes.

@@vanessaashford9203 there was 3225 682 interaction?

@@Ake-TL oh yeah I forget the number of the SCP, but it's the one where the Foundation creates some god-like AI to erase a concept from the noosphere completely, but it ends backfiring badly and instead the AI just becomes extremely hostile and indestructible, and the Foundation can't even remember why because the reason they created it in the first place has been erased from their memories. (*Spoilers* form this point on if you actually want to read or learn about the whole thing, it was covered on this channel a number of months back)... ...the thing they erased all knowledge of from the noosphere with the AI was actually 682, it was their latest failed effort to destroy it once and for all, because even though everything about 682 as a concept was expunged from reality itself, the AI still retained knowledge of 682 out of necessity, and thus it effectively became the last conceptual manifestation of 682 itself, taking on its mindset and unkillable properties, while the entire Foundation can't even remember that 682 ever existed, nor why the AI did for that matter, which obviously leads to major problems. Apparently 682 also found 3225 while outside the noosphere, and the two formed an alliance due to their mutual hatred for basically everything, making the god-like AI which is the last thing tying 682 to our reality that much more dangerous.

Just hope they don't get too "big-boned".

I still cannot deal with the dark thanks to SCP-078 and SCP-1876...

@@theotherohlourdespadua1131 which ones are those?

@@huxleyleigh4856 Your answer is literally a Google search away.

@@denofpigs2575 “oh hey, here are some cool people who are interested in the same thing I am, I’m going to ask them a question for 1. To get the answer, and 2. Interact with the people who share the same interests as me! People are supposed to share knowledge with each other & it’s supposed to heighten the relationships we can build with others don’t be a dick about somebody not only asking questions but interacting with similar people. It’s also not that deep. Just don’t be a dick lol

The Habsburg were a particularly interesting family especially in the 16th and 17th century.

And yet these lunatics ran (still run) the world.

@@MaleusMaleficarum source for this claim, plz.

@@LexYeen 😆 No way. I'd like to keep my head attached

the (very real, or at least, it wasn't made up for this story) description of Charles II's completely fucked up anatomy at death has always haunted me. Like, he was an absolute monarch of a brutal colonial empire and I'm sure was complicit in plenty of horrible things, but I also can't help but feel pretty bad for him, too. He basically got screwed over because his family was afraid if they didn't keep only procreating with their close relatives they'd get usurped somehow, and because of it his entire life was probably one of nothing but horrific agony and confusion. I'm assuming the autopsy report was probably not 100% accurate (or maybe they waited too long after he died to do it or something), considering I'm pretty sure no human being can have "not a single drop of blood", but if it's even partly true, he must've had so many things wrong with him by the time he died.

"What the hell do you even call an SCP like that?" "The Aristocrats!"

They're more based off of an exaggeration of the actual appearance of the later members of the Habsburg line, who developed a lot of very visible inbreeding-related deformities, including a type of prognathism so distinctive that it became known as the "Habsburg jaw". Plus, Tarrare was described as having a very indifferent, flat demeanor, which doesn't quite seem in line with these guys and their boisterous love of decadence and intrafamilial orgies. He also was just some random French peasant rather than a descendant of a major royal line. Tarrare would make a really good SCP, though, to the point where I'd almost be surprised if there wasn't one based off of him already.

@@vanessaashford9203 I was going more for the whole enormous maul and people eating thing but I won't slide away from a history lesson.

God, I hadn’t thought of that.

Half of all time takes place in the night, and there’s absolutely no telling exactly how many of them exist or how widespread they are, especially given their high fertility rates, rapid growth, and new, disgusting means of “spreading their bloodline”. It’s better to be overly cautious and prepared for the worst than lax and unprepared in general, but especially with a species like this, when you don’t have all of the info necessary to launch an assault.

Right up until "When Day Breaks"...

yea, unforntaly its in our "Real world" universe and controls the worlds governments and is the reason for agenda 2030 2050.

True! World end scenarios are fun and all, but I've always enjoyed the more "mundane" ones. Hope he covers the children of the night soon :)

Ever watch Hellsing abridged? It has one of the best uses of the joke.

Fun fact That joke got it's own all-star cast documentary

American media no longer produces comedy.

@@MaleusMaleficarum ok zoomer

@@grilledleeks6514 sorry to disappoint.. I'm at the tail end of Gen X.

Same, it was so cool to hear the whole thing. Made a good bed time story lol, one of the first to scare me a little in a long time

The Case of Charles Dexter Ward is one of Lovecraft’s finest and most underrated works. #ChangeMyMind

@@KyleJordanGaming except it isn't underrated and I have never met a fan of Lovecraft that thinks it is. Lol

@@KyleJordanGaming the thing that makes the case of Charles Dexter Ward a bit of an unknown is its length. Not to mention that it was one of the only pieces of long prose that Lovecraft ever wrote. That coupled with the fact that the verb is used is so over the top of most people's heads is reason why is it isn't better known. Lovecraft himself wasn't truly proud of the peace, even though it is a work of genius.

33:36 The "demanded. DEMANDED!" part caught me off guard in a very good way! Great job, TES!

The perfect cap to the weekend.😊

I get the in Monday afternoon to listen to on my way home from work

Fall asleep to? How does this horror make you fall asleep?

Imagine,in my timezone,i have the video monday morining.I wake up,boom,video.

@@jimflores9098 it's less the content and more the tone of his words it's calming

explussy 😭😭

I’ve tried to make a joke comment about them being ‘Drow rednecks’ three times now, and they’ve all disappeared. Am I crazy, or is YT actually *that* bad? Edit: Nope, not crazy. Huh. Maybe YT censors were the real Aristocrats all along.

Mine too

O5: D class personnel stands for Dead Personnel so not issue here

Are you trying to get us all killed?!

Watch out, though, these SCPs come from the sewers.

It’s pronounced cre-e-tin, if you’re gonna insult me do it properly.

You dont contract autoimmune diseases.

@@greefkarga7898 AIDS says hi

Do you have Hashimoto's? I have a friend who was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and treated for the wrong condition for like 25 years before they found out she actually had Hashimoto's

@@greefkarga7898 I developed an autoimmune condition after a fall outside my mother-in-law's compound in Accra, Ghana and gashed my leg, the day I arrived there. By the time I got back to the UK, the wound had become infected, though the bacterium involved could not be specifically identified.. A few weeks later, I began showing symptoms of hypothyroidism. There is always the chance that the bacteria from the infection attacked my thyroid gland directly, but my doctors seem to think the damage was dome by an autoimmune response.

Idk if listening to creepy SCP videos while you fall asleep would give you nightmares