Feel Them Pulling Away? Here's Why! | Fearful Avoidant

Feel Them Pulling Away? Here's Why! | Fearful Avoidant | No Contact |

Рет қаралды 4,428

Күн бұрын

I've heard this story countless times.
You start dating someone new, and it's amazing. You spend so much time together and they're putting in great effort to be with you.
Then suddenly, there's a shift in their behaviour and you notice it immediately. They're not texting you as much, they're not as excited when they interact with you, and they start saying things like "You deserve someone better", or "I need space because you ask for too much from me".
If this has ever happened to you then I understand how it can drive you to try harder to make them go back to being that same loving person they were in the beginning.
Although there's only so much you can do to motivate someone to choose you, understanding why they're pulling away is the most important to determine if you should keep trying.
In this video, I share why Fearful Avoidants come on very strong in the beginning, only to pull away after the relationship deepens, and how they can heal this behaviour to have healthier relationships moving forward.
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Chapters:
00:00 Intro
01:01 Why They Come On Strong In The Beginning
02:19 They Believe 'Love Is Earned'
04:39 Their Feelings vs. Their Fears
08:14 Flaw Finding Explained
10:53 Their Lacking Sense Of Self-Identity
11:38 When They Shift From Anxious To Avoidant
12:14 How Dismissive Avoidants and Fearful Avoidants Seek Space Differently
13:46 How They Can Start To Heal
17:19 Fearful Avoidant Attachment (In-depth Overview)

Пікірлер: 39

@ayaabramson 4 ай бұрын

Thank you for these insightful videos…. I was dumped after an amazing, loving and caring 3.5 months relationship with a FA😢😢😢…. I never saw the break coming 😢Still love him so much! Miss him every day and find these videos so helpful in resisting the urge to reach out to him 🙏🙏🙏🙏

@Flufero23 4 ай бұрын

My FA dumped me 6 months ago for another after a good four-year relationship/situationship. He monkey branched but wanted to remain as friends. Nope. NC since then. I am 70% secure and 30% FA myself. I am independent, like my space, have family and friends and activities of my own. I guess that's how we lasted so long. Your channel has been helpful in understanding the dynamics of FA's.

@healingwithcharlie 4 ай бұрын

I’m glad my videos have been helpful! I wish you all the best on your healing journey :)

@Flufero23 4 ай бұрын

@@healingwithcharlie Thanks. He texted me today to ask how I was doing, and to tell the dog, “happy birthday “. (I knew it would happen at some point. 😁)

@exquisiteb8984 18 күн бұрын

FA WOMAN HERE! SPOT ON CHARLIE! 🎉

@Cornelius1212 4 ай бұрын

They block, they ghost, they monkey branch, rebound, move on with ease, no guilt, no shame, no remorse, no empathy for anyone but themselves, just stonecold and utterly heartless towards people they only hours, days or weeks earlier claimed to love.

@jimmycash3171 4 ай бұрын

That's the most painful part but if you listen to his videos and the other coaches, it seems like some of them don't know why they do that. Is sad and painful to find ourselves at the receiving end. 😢

@Cornelius1212 4 ай бұрын

@@jimmycash3171 Sadly, these coach videos are just full, so very full of people (like me) who have been utterly destroyed by these monsters, who then goes on to someone else like you never excisted. So because trauma happened to them, they now cause trauma to others.

@littleoldme-cx3rx 4 ай бұрын

@Cornelius1212 The avoidant that was in & out of my life for 3 &1/2 years was talking about living together/marriage in November 2023. He ended things early January 2024 saying he loved me but wasn't in love with me - this was a Saturday - 2 days later he asked a workmate out. Their 1st date was the following Sunday (8 days after we ended) and again 3 days later at which point he has since told me that he knew he wanted to do life with her - she is "the one"! He called me a few nights ago (7 weeks post break up & 6 weeks dating the new person) drunk and was Mr Chatterbox revealing the above & that they have already; exchanged "I love you", been away for a weekend, posted an outing on Facebook, have booked an overseas holiday for May! She apparently makes him laugh! She has given him a reason to be the best version of himself! Throughout our relationship he was a depressed alcoholic who never got off the couch! Meanwhile, he said he missed me, I'm his best friend & he loves me!!!

@agotahorvath 4 ай бұрын

This is how narcissists act . I would highly recommend the The Little Shaman here on youtube she does an exquisite job of explaining how narcissists function and how to detach from them . They are toxic people and it is if they act consciously or unconsciously is completely irrelevant since they don't take accountability .

@Cornelius1212 4 ай бұрын

@@agotahorvath Nah, this is also very, very much within range of the average FA. If you read any post under any coach regarding FAs, you'll instantly see just how common this type of behaviour is of the FA. The list of people who've been utterly destroyed by FAs is endless. And yes, they are very similar to narcissists in that FAs also don't take any accountability although for different reasons such as shame and guilt, but they are just as stonecold and void of empathy when they are triggered and push you away.

@jimmycash3171 4 ай бұрын

Everything you said there was on point. Is not easy to be at the receiving end . Thanks for your teachings. Came across your videos after i got dumped but now i know why.

@SS-in1ts 4 ай бұрын

It’s awful. My partner is leaving it ambiguous and I don’t want to end it over text but after a month I’m thinking I’ll have to.

@jimmycash3171 4 ай бұрын

@SS-in1ts well it seems you have advantage as you already know what you're partner attachment style is so maybe work on it if you really love and want to be the person. Sometimes we have to check ourselves cos they also say when they're triggered, which can only be caused by us their partner

@healingwithcharlie 4 ай бұрын

Hope it gives you some sense of clarity in closure. I know how difficult these times can be so I wish you all the best :)

@coolcaroline20 4 ай бұрын

Thank you so much for this I’m an fa and appreciate these videos!!

@JPCNT 4 ай бұрын

Brilliant!

@nickskywalker2568 3 ай бұрын

I broke out from 5 months no contact with my ex this weekend by sending her a text asking her to connect. I haven't had any answer... Now I am dying inside.

@monikori6473 3 ай бұрын

Sorry to hear that.

@huiminloh332 4 күн бұрын

Did your ex reply you?

@nickskywalker2568 4 күн бұрын

@@huiminloh332 no

@earffquakee_ 4 ай бұрын

whatre your thoughts on presenting attachment style information to a FA ex?

@Cornelius1212 4 ай бұрын

Its a minefield. They are extremely emotionally unstable, like very immature children. So its very likely to blow up in your face and they'll most likely see it as a critique of them, as a sign of you wanting to leave, as a sign that they are "bad" etc. which will cause shut down, deactivation and the break up.

@earffquakee_ 4 ай бұрын

@Cornelius1212 hmmmm I hold no resentment or anger towards my ex so perhaps I could construct the delivery in a way that doesn't make it seem like "here fix yourself you're a horrible person"

@immortalhygiene 4 ай бұрын

@@earffquakee_if you’re a secure type, its more likely you can craft and deliver this information gracefully. i informed my FA friend of his attachment style yesterday. he was receptive to it :)

@immortalhygiene 4 ай бұрын

@@earffquakee_try to be friends first

@healingwithcharlie 4 ай бұрын

Timing is important. If they’re pulling away, it likely won’t help them see reason in the moment. You stand a better chance at sharing this when they’re in a more open-minded headspace, ideally if they’re coming back to you on their own