Finally figuring out I'm autistic... in my 30s!

Finally figuring out I'm autistic... in my 30s! | Full Time Van Life

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5 ай бұрын

When I came back to KZfaq after my long break I said at some point I might explain why I took a year off and what was going on with me - well here's that video! And also some more of my exploring in France, around the Loire region.
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Music played by me, on a beautiful handpan created by Panstream 💕
#actuallyautistic #vanlife #solofemalevanlife

Пікірлер: 41

@RamblingRuth 5 ай бұрын

My best friend is both autistic and has Adhd. I know what a battle it can be. I’m glad you worked it out because it helps knowing and understanding. I’m currently seriously ill in hospital with blood cancer so your beautiful little films from France are really helping me escape my ward and my life right now. Thank you so much for the much needed escapism! Best wishes, Ruth x

@SilvaontheRoad 5 ай бұрын

Oh Ruth, I'm so sorry to hear that. Sending love and healing from over here 🧡 Glad my videos provide a mini escape for you 🥰

@veronicabalfourpaul2288 5 ай бұрын

I know how you feel! I'm in my 60's and only realised similar stuff myself. It's the masking that females are so good at. We even mask from ourselves if you know what I mean. When I have dithery moments of not knowing what to do I try to do nothing! At least until an idea comes. Very brave going to a public swimming pool!

@SilvaontheRoad 5 ай бұрын

Welcome to the club ☺️ we definitely mask from ourselves too - I think we get so wrapped up in hiding things it's pretty easy to get lost and a lot of work to unpack it all once you do realise. I think I used to do nothing when I had those moments and now I get flustered more, I'm taking this as a helpful reminder 🥰 Sometimes the need for a shower overpowers the anxiety about a public swimming pool - and sometimes I regret it after 🤣 I got lucky yesterday with an almost empty pool and a more relaxing swim.

@blueporta 5 ай бұрын

Whatever 'label' you have, you seem a good and decent person in this world, ultimately that's the most valuable thing imaginable!

@SilvaontheRoad 5 ай бұрын

Thanks 😊 I didn't always think labels were the best thing, but at this point in time when people make a lot of assumptions it's kind of a helpful way to point out - actually no, that's not me, I'm more like this... So for now I'll use them!

@UMRock97 5 ай бұрын

I’ve been on the same journey, the only differences are that I’m nearly 50 and I’m ADHD as well as autistic. The “oh so that’s why” moments still happen, the mini epiphanies are so positive for me - I now have much more self compassion than I’ve ever given myself before. I’ve watched your videos for a while and I thought you probably were neurodivergent too 😊 enjoy being who you are ❤

@SilvaontheRoad 4 ай бұрын

Knowing what I do now I figured it was probably pretty obvious to some! Self compassion is definitely key with figuring this out later in life - it's a constant battle between thinking and expecting to be able to do more and just accepting that I'm not there right now! Always happy to have other neurodivergents along for the ride. Thanks for watching 🥰

@steves7013 5 ай бұрын

Hi Kiki, I have always said that we are all on a spectrum, just some more than others! Lots of things are now identified where in the past you were given a not very helpful label! It's great that you are now aware of you own difference, I think it's what makes you so special, as I've said before you always brighten me up & make me smile! Take care & stay safe! Big hugs if you want them 🙏❤

@jacks2222 5 ай бұрын

Hi, it's not true to say eveyone is on the spectrum. There is now evidence that our brains are wired differently. I understand where you're coming from but it can upset autistic people because it can be taken as a dismissal of what we go through.

@SilvaontheRoad 5 ай бұрын

Hi Steve, I agree that some autistic traits are not exclusively autistic, and people can exhibit some of them without being autistic, but 'everyone's on the spectrum' or 'everyone's a bit autistic' is inaccurate and often used to minimise or dismiss autistic people who are struggling already to get recognition and support. I know you don't mean it from that perspective but I've had people dismiss me as - well you must just be a little bit autistic, as you don't seem all that autistic... and also in one case justify it by the fact they'd worked with autistic people in the past. Which I guess meant mostly or entirely boys and men as they're the ones the whole diagnostic process originally centered around (and in a lot of ways still does). For them to have been diagnosed as kids they probably don't mask or don't mask anywhere near as much, otherwise they'd have gone under the radar like me! It's a complicated subject but a sore spot for a lot of late diagnosed / discovered people 🤔

@steves7013 5 ай бұрын

I was in no way trying to belittle or dismiss anyone, as i did not just mean the "autistic spectrum" when i was at school people were labelled as slow, simple, stupid, retarded etc but more enlightenment could now assess people as suffering from a range of dissorders ( another descriptor i dont like!) I prefer differences! Please accept my apologies if i upset you in any way @@SilvaontheRoad

@steves7013 5 ай бұрын

Please see below my reply to Kiki, again I'm sorry if I have caused any upset it was not my intention.@@jacks2222

@mysoulrambles 5 ай бұрын

@@steves7013I agree with you also and I resonate fully with this video @silvaontheroad lots of echos on my own life

@DebbieWuk45 5 ай бұрын

Bless you Kiki, be gentle with yourself, my 26 year old son is on the spectrum and struggles too so I get where you're at. Thinking of you, you're very brave expressing yourself so openly - stay safe lovely 😘💕xxx

@SilvaontheRoad 4 ай бұрын

thanks Debbie 🥰

@charliecalderwood1 16 күн бұрын

Thank you. That warmed my soul. I think you may find that was not only helpful and enlightening to the younger folk, but some of us slightly more aged humans too. I only clicked on your video because I was curious about your van build, but I look forward to following your travels and adventures. Take good care.

@tigzomalley5594 5 ай бұрын

Big hugs lovely, we are all so proud of you xx

@jacks2222 5 ай бұрын

Gosh you explained this so well, thankyou! I found out at 53, whilst in severe burnout..Still trying to manage my energy/overwhelm levels 4yrs on. For me my symptoms went up a few levels when I hit menopause at 40, that's when I burnt out and suffered a few wrong diagnosis disasters which only added to the fatigue. It's a strange thing to have to witnes what you thought you were and life was crumble all around you, then have to build up again from ground zero as an adult.

@SilvaontheRoad 5 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing 🧡 I take comfort in the fact I'm not alone in it taking forever to recover from burnout, but also hope I'm not still feeling like this in another couple of years 😉🙈 I don't have the patience! Not sure what wrong diagnosis you had to deal with but it honestly sucks how little it's picked up and recognised. I've had all the chronic headaches, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue diagnoses in the past and I think how much time and energy could have been saved if someone had thought about why I kept getting ill, instead of just telling me to pace myself and learn to live with it 🙄 But on the positive side, at least we now know why we're so awesomely different 😁 and hopefully things will get better.

@jacks2222 5 ай бұрын

@@SilvaontheRoad I've been diagnosed with fybromyalgia, M.E/cfs, depression and anxiety...they diagnose women with everything except au I think, at least they don't call it hysteria anymore. I was expecting to recover and trying everything but so many years on I've realised that my desperate need to be my old self has only added to the fatigue, sadness and isolation. We are sensitive for a reason and have to work with that.. so now my journey is about acceptance. I wish there was some sort of support for the post diagnosis fall out, that would have helped me alot.

@stevemcqueen160 5 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing and for explaining such deeply personal feelings so eloquently. I'm very glad to have found your channel and to be included in your entertaining, interesting and emotional journey. Take care.

@andymacpherson44 3 ай бұрын

Hi Kiki, sent the wee £20 donation without attaching a message in error so here's another £2 to allow me to send a message! It was lovely meeting & chatting with you this morning & hearing about your van life! We hope you continue to find lovely quiet places to stay in Scotland & that your photography and KZfaq channel continue to develop & grow. If you are ever in Edinburgh & fancy a catchup do let us know. Hope you can have a nice wee treat on us. Take care, best wishes, Andy & Karen Macpherson. PS we watched a full advert! 😊

@SilvaontheRoad 3 ай бұрын

Hi Andy, thanks so much for your generosity - it was absolutely lovely to have a chat with you and Karen in the woods! Hope you have a great wee holiday and find the perfect camper for more adventures 😊

@andymacpherson44 3 ай бұрын

Thanks

@lynnef4228 5 ай бұрын

You found some fantastic wildlife Kiki. Swimming pools are a nightmare - I totally agree! No matter what labels you attach, you’re great, so keep being you.

@SilvaontheRoad 4 ай бұрын

thanks Lynnne 🥰

@pippajennings5856 19 күн бұрын

Got diagnosed last year with bpd, aspd, autism and adhd aged 50. It's happening to a lot of people now, late diagnosis and coming to terms with it.

@worstchannelever5232 5 ай бұрын

Didn't know they had those Beaver looking mammals in France. French baguettes are amazing bread . Seems a good adventure so far in France

@sweetpeainfrance6729 5 ай бұрын

I think many who are watching this vlog fully comprehend . I suspect that the "label" explains me too in my 70s. Granddaughter is definitely on the spectrum in UK and somehow avoided assessment as a school refuser taboot for 4 years ... and troubles coping with school and relationships all her life ...was a wild angry infant non verbal almost infant now quiet, when she is verbal extremely intelligent! I suspect also my daughter might be! All you have said here resonates with me and this is maybe what keeps me anchored in France. I'm not sure which city you have been to near a tributary to the River Loire. Chateau Chambord or any LOire Valley chateau or just VILLANDRY gardens not the chateau are lovely. But of course need finance. YOu are most welcome to land in this village if you wish. You earlier mentioned you have family here so maybe you are on the way to wherever they are... Maybe you have up to 90 days here... It's a big country. I try to stay away from cities with a vehicle. Large villages can be like large towns. Small villages might not have anywhere open. There are many ways to get free park ups in beautiful places. Near some cemeteries e.g. if you don't get spooked or near les eglises or les Mairies. I am a beginner in a van but have learned to suss out places that are not mentioned on the internet. I prefer not to do wild camping on my own... but that's maybe because the van is not a camper van as such although I do sleep in it very comfortably. Find a theme of places to travel to.... Track the LOIRE RIVER e.g. all the way to its source... The river of my town can be tracked to its source or a confluence. You could track a GR route in the van...." plus beaux villages" villages fleuris" track the coastline.... napoleonic routes... just some ideas! What sort of work do you wish to achieve? I can hear the overwhelm, the indecision but really and truly there are many ways to manage and cope with these strange thoughts and emotions many many people experience and what you think might be strange is pretty normal with many! Persevere... and have Patience with your Self. Be kind to yourself. You are a brave soul. You have an energetic spirit.

@SilvaontheRoad 4 ай бұрын

Thanks 🥰 sorry for the slow reply - and can I ask a favor? My brain struggles to process long messages, especially when there's no line breaks! I usually read comments on my phone and it's hard to follow - would you mind adding some next time? It's amazing how many of us have been missed by the stereotypes and lack of awareness - good to figure it out even if it's much later in life though! I hope your granddaughter is able to get support to make life a little smoother 🤞🏻

@markjwilcox 3 ай бұрын

Hey, Kiki, Thank you for being so honest again. It must be so difficult sharing, to the whole Internet potentially, the problems you are having. I totally understand what you're going through as my daughter is Autistic. She is now i her 20's but is so young in her demeanour she needs constant care from family and Social Services. If I may, I'd like to send a sincere thank you to Oxfordshire County Council Social Services for all the help you give and have given to my daughter. As I once replied to you in a questionnaire, she's not a problem child but a child with problems. Kiki, like yourself she has problems with noise, light and crowds. Just remember you're not causing any problem to society, unlike some "normal" people do today in their awful actions, so please accept you are not different but see the world in a different way, and you are plotting your course in the way you do. Continue your journey and please share with us anything you want to. I say "us" as a subscriber to the channel and assume the others share my feelings. Finally, cwtchys (big hugs) from South Wales.

@nikthechick5099 5 ай бұрын

Im learning to just be ❤

@user-ug7bd2tb1l 5 ай бұрын

Hi Kiki, I've been watching some of your videos for a while. I do love to see Scottish landscapes. It's really brave of you to share that much. On this subject, can't make decisions etc... autism... As well as feeling overwelmed, mood swings, brain fog, and all this sort of things. If you're willing to try something probably no-one told you about. There's nothing wrong with you, and most people, just eating the wrong foods for your blood type. Yes blood type and foods are linked and have a major influence. I suffered similar things for so long, until I discovered Dr Peter James D'Adamo Blood Type and GenoType Diets / lifestyles way of eating. What we eat doesn't just affect our body but our minds too. I strongly recommend his books and website. I have been following it for about seven years now and it gave me back my life. Though it is some effort but so worthwhile. Take care. Jackie.

@SilvaontheRoad 5 ай бұрын

Hi Jackie, thanks for following my journey 😊 I'm so glad you've found something that works for you - however autism is not something that needs to be fixed or even can be fixed (certainly within our current scientific understanding). I think the world just needs to be more aware of neuro diversity so we accommodate everyone!