First Date With Your Ex
Your breakup is starting to feel like a distant memory. You’ve been talking to your ex, seeing them more and more, and it feels like you’re connecting all over again. This is your second chance at a first date. So what can you do to avoid screwing it up like last time?
Hi, I’m Jessica Boss, your sherpa on the difficult journey from breakup to back together. I’m a relationship specialist and I’ve got advice you can use right now so you can live your best love life. Please subscribe to my channel for more tips and tricks. Love has the power to change everything, but only if you can hold onto it.
So let’s get on with it. First off, congratulations. Getting to this point after a breakup is one of the toughest things you can do. But don’t get too cocky! You still have a long way to go before your relationship is out of the woods.
The Date
In many ways this is like any first date. You want to look your best, make them laugh, and make them want to see you again.
With that in mind, pick a setting where you’ll be able to accomplish this. If your ex likes fancy french food, take them out to a nice restaurant. If they’re outdoorsy, go for a hike. It’s not rocket science.
Make sure this date is different than the other dates you two have been on in the past. Don’t repeat your first date. Don’t take them to the thai place you guys used to go every wednesday. Spring for something new and exciting. Go on a carriage ride through the park, go ice skating, or surprise them with a ticket to a sporting event.
Be brand new but familiar
This is how you’ll use this date to win your ex back. Your goal is to be “brand new but familiar” at the same time.
Focus on the good
Don’t dwell on the breakup. You’re past all that now. That talk will come if you decide to give things another shot but for now, don’t dredge up the past. Think of it like any other first date. Would you bring up your last breakup? No, you’re trying to keep things light and fun.
The key is to show them that It’s been different without them around, but not worse. This means that their absence has had an effect but that there’s positive and negative aspects of it.
You’ll look confident and stable and they’ll see you don’t need them to be happy. It takes the pressure off of them to solve all your problems.
Put the focus on them.
We often become very goal oriented in these situations. Am I doing okay? Do they want me back? Am I doing all I can to show them I care? Try to quiet these voices and just have an honest conversation. Chances are you have plenty of catching up to do. Ask them what they’ve been up to since the break up. Ask them questions about themself that you’ve never asked before and focus on really listening to what they have to say.
Ending the date
Don’t ask them if they’ve been seeing anyone. This is a conversation you both want to avoid. You don’t want to come off as jealous or possessive.
Don’t brag. If you spend too much time talking about how well you’ve been doing they’re going to think that you’re trying to impress them.
Don’t push for the next meeting. You want this date to be self-contained. If you try to get them thinking about the next step, they’ll put their guard up, start thinking about the breakup, and stop having fun.
Don’t be a downer. Sure, it’s been tough and you don’t have to hide that but don’t dwell on it. They should see you making positive progress, not falling into a deep well of depression. That’s not sexy.
Don’t worry if it’s awkward. There’s going to be some awkwardness on both sides. It’s a weird situation. But awkwardness can be the key to getting their guard down. If you can push through it and make them laugh, remind them of how happy you can make them then you’ve got them back into the mindset of when you were together.
In my experience, if you can make them laugh, nine times out of ten you can win them back.
Thanks for watching folks! Are you feeling better about your chances to dazzle your ex with a first date? For those of you who have managed to rekindle things with an ex, comment below with a story about your first date after breaking up.
Before I go, I wanted your feedback on what my next video should be. Should I make a funny video about the different types of exes? Or should I make a serious video about why breakups happen? Please take the poll and weigh in. If you have another topic you’d like me to cover, leave it in the comments below and I’ll check it out.
I’ve been Jessica Boss, bossin’ you around. Thanks for watching!