I can forgive the actions. I can’t reconcile with the attitude & ongoing personality defect that led to that lifestyle.

I was the enabler for 35 years before I put my foot down. Each time my husband had an affair, I forgave and if I didn't reconcile I was badgered on how I wasn't a Christian because I wasn't forgiving him. I thought forgiveness & reconciliation were the same. I finally said no more & 2 years later my divorce still isn't final, I'm living out of boxes and have lost just about everything. I really wish I knew the difference between forgiveness & reconciliation 30 years ago!

"Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die"

Dave, I did it. I'm SCHOOL DEBT FREE. Only need $9.5k left to go. Then I'm calling you!.!

An important distinction, and one that has tripped me up for many years. I've been guilty of allowing myself to be taken advantage of again and again because I haven't given myself permission to make this distinction and felt obligated to trust people who didn't deserve my trust. Thank you!

My kindness was taken for weakness. I had a friend that I should have let go years ago. It was so abusive and today I’m glad that it’s been 10 years since I let go of that friendship. Now my family is finally safe. I have forgiven and I have released them but I can no longer have that friendship ever again!

I may forgive you but I still will not want you in my life ever again. Some things, when broken, can never be put back together.

II am going to forgive myself for not following my dreams and goals and being distracted in life. I am now going to start over and stop living in my past

Bitterness dries up the bones of the one who is bitter. Often the one the bitterness is directed towards may never know of the bitterness directed towards them. Often, they have already moved on. Bitterness is directed at someone else but destroys the one directing it.

This is what I needed to hear. I have gotten the two confused all my life. Someone would forgive me but not reconcile with me, which is what I was expecting when they forgave me. I would always wonder what the heck the point of a person forgiving me was if they did not want to give me another chance. But, Dave explained it quite well here. Forgiving me and feeling as if I was deserving of a second chance are two entirely different things. I would do well to learn from that. Lord knows I have burned a TON of bridges in my time. I don't mean just burned. I mean, nuked, busted up the glass, salted the earth below, and plowed the salt six feet deep. Now, that said, I have NEVER done anything SO horrible to where the person would live with the irreversible damage for the rest of their lives. I have actually been told that by someone who forgave me but would not reconcile with me. This person told me that me referring to her as an "excuse maker" back many years ago is something that she will live with forever. Well, I apologized for it. I jumped through all kinds of hoops, but none of it made any difference. While she did finally forgive me (8 years and a ton of apologies later) she did make it crystal clear that reconciliation was NOT going to happen under ANY circumstances. If given a second chance, I would not call her an excuse maker or anything like that. But, I won't ever get that.

Dave thanks for posting this man I really needed this morning

Thank you for helping me solve a problem I could not for twenty years.. God bless you 🙏😊

I guess I've always thought of it as the difference between forgiveness and trust.

Forgiveness is my choice but reconciliation is the other person thank you

This is SO IMPORTANT. Forgiveness does not mean giving them permission to abuse you. Doesn't mean you say, "Oh, that's okay. " It just means you 'drop the rock' and move on. (Unlike a similarly named outfit which is really about "hang on tight".)

The way I see reconciliation is this: If spouse A does something hurtful to spouse B, spouse B has a decision to make. Does Spouse B stay in the relationship and try to reconcile, or does Spouse B leave the relationship? If Spouse B makes the decision to stay, there are two more questions to ask: what has to be done to achieve reconciliation, and how much time will have to pass? This has to be a finite amount of time, because it isn’t fair to keep Spouse A trapped with guilt until the relationship eventually ends out of resentment. There must be a concrete path to reconciliation, or the relationship has no chance.

THANK YOU for explaining that difference… I’ve been trying so hard searching all over to try to understand what to do about the fact that I have forgiveness in my heart but not trust. I’m still not sure what to do about it when it comes to occasions of rudeness/neglect/dismissal/disrespect in the home that happens often. I need to know more about boundaries when it comes to reconciliation especially with people you have to talk to and have to see on a daily basis.

Such an inspiration Mr Ramsey we love you (from the uk)

He loves the word reconciiiiiled

Gosh! These spoke to me!! Having a similar situation with my sister’s husband and it has been 2 years of just hating him for the double life and outside of the marriage children he decided to have while cheating on my sister. Maybe i need start thinking of all this forgiving... it is hard though...

i'm so grateful for you .

What if the person that assaulted you is a family member that you are forced to pretend nothing happened? I really need help with this…

Thanks Dave.

It's really none of her business. Get out of your sisters household.

in the Bible.....there are two options, when one divorces.....reconcille, or remain unmarried...

To change the subject, Dave you say don’t bank with the Wells and Chase’s who do you bank with?

You can forgive yourself and the partner as well and still move on reconciliation has to be in agreement with two people and both must want to start over but if one doesn't and want to move forward than pray that you don't have a spirit of pharaoh by refusing to let the person go. People do change and some people just want to move on with their lives. Nothing wrong with it at all. Period. May God bless the person ready to move on and and a mind a healthy one at that to help you understand that your past does not define you. Everyone has a past and alot more than you can ever imagine has one you can look at them years from now and not even believe they was the person they was 15 years ago. So don't let false guilt as in something God has forgiven you for and the person you are no longer yet people try to use it against you to judge you over have you doing something that your heart doesn't agree with.

Forgiveness is for yourself. Each person needs to own their part to be reconciled in my opinion

Forgiveness recognizes that what you thought others did to you did not occured. It does not pardon sins and make them real. It sees there was no sin. And in that view are all your sins forgiven. What is sin, except a false idea about yourself and others? Forgiveness merely sees its falsity, and therefore lets it go. What then is free to take its place is now the will of God.

Has dave talked about 401k and how some in govt want to lower amount allowed tax deferred

One thing. I've read the comments, and, Jesus commanded be reconciled, Matthew 5:23-24, when its a brother or sister in Christ.

If you can't reconcile with your first spouse then stay single. God expects it from you.

This is an evil false teaching.

Reconciliation means to “be in community with again”. The Bible gives many instances where God blesses his people who reconcile, especially in the church, but it never commands that we reconcile.

THANK YOU for explaining that difference… I’ve been trying so hard searching all over to try to understand what to do about the fact that I have forgiveness in my heart but not trust. I’m still not sure what to do about it when it comes to occasions of rudeness/neglect/dismissal/disrespect in the home that happens often. I need to know more about boundaries when it comes to reconciliation especially with people you have to talk to and have to see on a daily basis.