Creating a Healthy Relationship (With Yourself) with Najwa Zebian

Creating a Healthy Relationship (With Yourself) with Najwa Zebian | Being Well Podcast

Рет қаралды 17,171

Күн бұрын

“The mistake most of us make is building our homes in other people. When we do that, we give them the power to make us homeless.”
Poet, activist, and author Najwa Zebian joins me for a conversation focused on discovering what truly matters to us. We use Najwa’s personal story as a way to explore how we can break out of the roles others place us in, create healthy boundaries, and feel worthy from the inside-out. Topics include balancing intimacy and autonomy, self-compassion and self-love, and finding the courage to act authentically.
About Our Guest: Najwa Zebian is an activist, poet, educator, and the author of six books including her recent works Welcome Home, Conversations on Letting Go, and The Only Constant, which will be coming out March 2024. She was raised in Lebanon and moved to Canada at 16 where she later earned her Doctorate in Educational Leadership from the University of Western Ontario.
Follow Najwa on Instagram: najwazebian...
Najwa's books: najwazebian.com/books
Key Topics:
0:00 Introduction
0:55 Najwa’s personal background
6:10 Humility, asking for the things you need, and comparing your pain to others
11:00 Loving your current self into becoming your authentic self
17:10 Navigating change in the face of social pressure
20:45 Intrinsic self-worth, and the beauty of being undefined
31:10 Intimacy and autonomy
39:25 Choosing vulnerability, and paying attention to surrounding influences
50:10 Healthy shared expectations in relationships
53:05 Forgiving others as a gift we give to ourselves
57:50 Recap
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Who Am I: I'm Forrest, the co-author of Resilient (amzn.to/3iXLerD) and host of the Being Well Podcast (apple.co/38ufGG0). I'm making videos focused on simplifying psychology, mental health, and personal growth.
You can follow me here:
🎤 apple.co/38ufGG0
🌍 www.forresthanson.com
📸 / f.hanson

Пікірлер: 49

@fomoPhil 9 ай бұрын

Holy crap. I’m 35 years old and recently got diagnosed with CPTSD and around the 9 minute mark I’m going “YES!” I’ve spent my entire adult life thinking I’m just inherently broken or something because it always felt like there was something I’m missing that everyone else seems to have. And emotional neglect (mixed in with a little SA as a kid) is the part of my life that I buried away and tried not to think about, only to have a pattern of difficulties in life that has been extremely frustrating to go through. Haven’t listened to the rest yet but had to stop to comment. I’m already so glad this episode exists. 🙏

@trisholer9761 6 ай бұрын

There a podcast called (Stuck, not broken). I believe we should make this the new normal.

@ceciliamac4283 3 ай бұрын

What is SA? I hope you find the right people/professionals in CPTSD to help you heal these wounds (I know you WILL). 🙏🏼🫶🏼🤍💪🏼

@Anonymas-di6zc 3 ай бұрын

So Happy for you 🙏 35, that's so Young💪 I'm 53 and had the same answer. Ouer adulte life is far from over. I know how Scary it is too feel bad and don't know how to get ouer lifes back? And than age becomes Scary. You seem very Happy to have known Najwa ❤️, that's the signe you want IT!!!!!! Right ? For survivor to survivor, we feed the same energies💕🤘😘

@earthpearl3790 3 ай бұрын

Forrest’s partner, Elizabeth,is a MSW who is studying complex trauma and not long ago they did a podcast on cPTSD you might want to check out.

@lindaelarde2692 9 ай бұрын

"At least you have...I finally, at 65 years old, understand this toxic positivity which implicitly advocates that I my own subjective experience. I don't have to remain in that space, but I do need to validate and affirm the legitimacy of my own reality.

@pragmaticpoet 9 ай бұрын

Love is Unconditional, Trust is Earned... Trust sets the Boundaries of my playground of life 😻

@kylo5576 8 ай бұрын

This almost made me cry.. Experiencing a lot of these concepts right now. Finding & realizing my self-worth & self love ❤ without the external & materialistics factors of life.

@gilaprimak7554 9 ай бұрын

The way you summarize and make sense of things is impressive and very very helpful. You have such a clarity of thinking and speaking. Thank you, Forrest.

@gwendolynmurphy9563 9 ай бұрын

What amazing synchronicity! Affirmation of some recent choices to stand in authenticity and let the non-nourishing others float away! Thank you Najwa.

@KatStav 8 ай бұрын

Her's is my story exactly. This video reminded me that I think it'd be neat to watch a collab of yours with Dr. Jonice Webb, who specializes in childhood emotional neglect (CEN). Her writing was the first beam of light that started my recovery... the rest is -history- psychology 😉

@Anonymas-di6zc 3 ай бұрын

I agree with you totaly💕 It is never said ENOUGH !!!

@amydavis5174 9 ай бұрын

Loved this conversation so much....as it underscored so much of what I have been discovering about myself through Internal Family Systems work. Just had a very long conversation with a dear friend also doing this work, and we were discussing how hard it is to do nothing...and not feel guilty about it. Being busy seems to make us believe we are worthy. This conversation really helped us unpack even more of old limiting beliefs and step into greater self awareness.

@Anonymas-di6zc 4 ай бұрын

Najwa YOU are a gift for me 🎉❤ thank you to be you❤❤❤❤❤

@rcz2023 8 ай бұрын

Love Najwa Zebian’s work, thank you for sharing.

@nancymc 8 ай бұрын

you have to be exceptionally proud of yourself. I listen to you and it reminds me of my recovery from severe abuse for almost 2 years now. thank you so much for your excellent presentation. so encouraging ❤

@coppersense999 7 ай бұрын

To summarize, I think the idea she is trying to express at the start is neglect is not just when a child is deprived of material needs, but also when they are not supplied with the emotional support they need to thrive. Hunger is easy to identify, but often we don't even know what is was that was missing. It is hard to describe negative space. What is was is validation, emotional mirroring, adult guidance when confronted with unknowns. Instead we were parentified or left alone while mom was at work. And yes, comparison of suffering is toxic positivity at its' most useless. Negating our own experience out of misguided empathy is a horribly patronizing way yto feel gratitude. also, that imaginary third world child we pity #1 is imaginary and #2 even if we have a specific child in mind, one we passed on the road on a missionary trip, we have no way of knowing their entire lived reality or levels of resilience. There is a decent chance they are actually happier than a first world kid being bullied online. So she is absolutely right and said it very well. I can have empathy for someone (a real live person) who might trust me with their story, but out of respect for myself and them (in that order) I will remain in my own space. Whatever compassion I feel triggered to project onto them, I extend to my own inner child.

@coppersense999 7 ай бұрын

29:00 It is about who we are alone that has worth, and what that singular soul has in common with every other created being on Earth. This is also a reality apart of from gender, but I do think women are particularly primed for sacrificial love prior to self-love, which is not only backward but unsustainable. It is indeed a recipe for failure and resaentment.

@peterlautz6335 Ай бұрын

Excellent and very useful conversation! I agree with your guest also Forrest-you ask very good questions

@krasav_chick 9 ай бұрын

❤❤❤ can we make these like a couple of hours long please😅 thoroughly enjoyed 🥰

@jds0981 9 ай бұрын

A wonderfully liberating conversation, thank you!

@Trying_very 9 ай бұрын

Love these podcasts ❤

@Aleatoire9 9 ай бұрын

This was so incredibly helpful, thank you Forrest for introducing me to Najwa's work 💜

@ForrestHanson 9 ай бұрын

I'm so glad!

@nadalia832 9 ай бұрын

As usual, extremely interesting and insightful stuff, thank you!

@erikavaleries 9 ай бұрын

Love this ❤❤

@Anonymas-di6zc 4 ай бұрын

I'm a Poeple pleaser and I feel so much shame. I did work on it but haden't the right informations. The first Time I hear you say you were a Poeple pleaser, I thought how strong you become, to overcome the shame and talk about. I listen to your story in different videos and I FEEL LESS ASHAMED and also ACT LESS AS A POEPLE PLEASER. Thank you for your openess. I do see my self in somme parts of you, in fact a lot 😂😂 and I see my self moch more worthy because I see the SHINING I miss very much. To watch the first videos it was a mix of feelings, Terror, empowered, relief, sadness, fear , miror effect, doubtes that I can do it 😢...... I lissen for houers of videos of your kind, I need to be familiar with the vocabulary and to build slowly a other minde set and it works. My thoughts change, my behavior and I ame question my feelings and say what I want, in order to respect my self and also lissen. Found a way to Wright and meditate, not easy but works very much against fear and ressentiment, I meditat with audio EMDR ( also with somme videos that triggers me, perfect to work with EMDR, I have CPTSD and crazy fears and impression..... 🎉❤❤❤ Thank you for your support. Without help of your kind I don't know where I would be.......

@Golgibaby 9 ай бұрын

Timestamp: 12:20 Slow emotional anemia from that conditional transactional "love", where the noble self sacrificing is no longer life sustaining.

@HeartOfLightning 9 ай бұрын

Excellent discussion, thanks so much 👍🙏 wishing you well!

@earthpearl3790 3 ай бұрын

I think that on some level people’s basic needs are the same. I think about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

@PS-xb9hc 7 ай бұрын

As an immigrant I struggle with that void. I always get that idea of will going back be the solution, but it is not. Pain is def personal and valid.

@Lisa-NewEng 9 күн бұрын

“Crappy Childhood Fairy”Channel has great content on the subject of Childhood Emotional Neglect.

@vlouise8503 9 ай бұрын

Respectfully, the guest is mostly repackaging known information in the context of her own life story, albeit in a lovely and poetic way. While we can identify the problems and patterns many of us share, there is an inherent neurology that exists from neglect which is complicated, if not impossible to overcome. When you take a dog off the street and you give them an enriched home life, vestiges of how they learned to protect themselves remain. Sometimes those reactions, years later, are shockingly strong because they were wired for self-preservation in their formative years. We're animals too, and our wiring from neglect and/or abuse is a lifelong reality. It can't be turned off. All we can do is understand and witness it, identify, name, and hopefully soften.

@ForrestHanson 9 ай бұрын

I think 99%+ of mental health content is some version of "repackaging known information in the context of our lives." There's very little truly original work - and even that usually has its roots in something older. My channel could fairly be summarized as repackaging known information in ways I hope will be accessible to people.

@vlouise8503 9 ай бұрын

I like that, Forrest. You're being honest, and it speaks to the reality that sometimes we have to hear something over and over until the right person's telling ("repackaging") allows it to land and really sink in. Then the hard work begins. Thank you!

@kj5250 2 ай бұрын

Beautiful comment ❤

@kj5250 2 ай бұрын

Beautiful comment ❤

@nick9254 9 ай бұрын

I really enjoyed this content, and I need this encouraging authenticness to discover me❤❤❤!!!😮 x o

@michaelhagerman7829 9 ай бұрын

❤️😭👏👏👏👏👏

@terrahillman151 9 ай бұрын

I’m not able nor do I see any links for the guest…

@ForrestHanson 9 ай бұрын

Thanks for mentioning, fixed.

@marijana1223 9 ай бұрын

An opposite comment - wish you were not translating her words and you let her speak in her own language. It felt to me a bit off - can’t you interview her and ask questions instead of providing a context as if her context is not enough? (Listen to the show semi regularly).

@LeslieJacobson 8 ай бұрын

As a regular listener... in this case I felt the same way as you. I loved the way she was expressing her experience and reflecting on it in a way that really resonated with me. The way she spoke about it was truly helpful to me. I was taken aback when her expression was summarized in a very clinical, different context.

@carolgerber6375 8 ай бұрын

Where do I find a community of people on a growth path, who aren't liars, who aren't living without self reflection. People seem to just skate unauthentically, being stuck in their unquestioning of their stuck lives and the stuck world, particularly religiosity and self righteousness. Not able to be authentic. Where are the people who want and are growing? Ugh...