Good Will Hunting. That movie means so much to me...

Yep. When they finally updated that in the Celebrate Recovery program, it meant the world to me.

Yes. That was a huge help to me as well

Such a powerful phrase

I broke down crying at "I believe you"

YOOOO GOBLINNN

YOOOOOOO

Shit this made me understand myself so much better

oh hey I always see you on a dudes stuff

it's so weird seeing your comments anywhere other than a dude's videos but HIIII

I called mine the hallway light for similar!

You're good. No need to feel like a kid. I'm 33 and I still use them. I just don't like the dark.

@@megan893 Teens and older kids might not feel that way, as an adult I know that things I do for my comfort are not childish or shameful, but as a teen? I absolutely felt that. So, sure, there is no need to feel like a kid, or for that to be a bad thing if you do, but that doesn't change the fact that many teens and older kids will feel that way, and will feel ashamed.

Getting "more adult" night lights might help for some. My grandma actually had a nightlight that was literally just a dim lightbulb you could plug into an outlet, and my sister is currently using a nightlight that's just a small little white box.

I have a lava lamp and a aurora projector in different rooms as an adult :)

I believe you. That makes all the difference in the world and you deserved to hear it! ❤

Abso freaking lutely!

It's about basic consent, respecting boundaries. If someones boundaries haven't been respected, they need to be taught that it IS OK to have personal space and boundaries.

@@recoveringsoul755and children need to be taught them, regardless. It helps prevent people from taking advantage

Yes!!

Unfortunately, no. I've seen parents of very small children put all decisions in the hands of the small child. These children all grew up to be narcissistic monsters. The flipside must also be taught: teaching the child to respect others boundaries. I cannot tell you how many times parents, especially dads of girls, allow the child to come up and hit them. Girls have become extremely toxic with the constant lesson of You Always Get To Decide. To be sure, as the child grows and certainly with jumping in as a foster parents; however, balance is very much needed.

Sounds like you have a great dad

@@gremlinsforever I really do

Some people are just naturally good at this sort of thing. It helps if you know your kids well. ❤ fwiw I'm glad your dad got you out of there.

Great dads can make up for bad moms (in my experience at least, almost ❤). Sending love.

I had an abusive family and was in and out of foster care for a few years before being adopted by my wonderful parents. So to anyone who needs to hear this. Don’t give up and be grateful for the time you can spend with your parents. ❤

I believe you ❤

You did not deserve that, especially from your Dad. I know healing is a long journey, but I wish you all the happiness and peace. You deserve to heal and grow, in joy.

I believe you 🫂 -survivor

I’m so sorry for what he did to you! You deserve so much more. I’m glad you got away from him- I truly am sorry for what you’ve endured. Sending love and positive thoughts for your future self and hopefully you will find everything you want in life. Maybe someday you will create a family and be the parent you should have had. ❤

@@loco7357 Thank you! I certainly don't plan on birthing children, but I'm hoping to take in ones that went through what I did

Same here.

Me three

Same❤

Same

Has no one told you that before 💔

*I* would be drastically different.

Absolutely

Same

Me too … sending you all hugs 💕

May every day bring you more love and healing, you deserve joy and peace❤

You deserve peace and joy. ❤

you deserve better, i am sorry people didnt do their part well. when growing older you can better your life circumstances step by step. Even if you take mini babysteps, you go foreward, you get to a better place. You can do it, you give your inner child the love and care she/he needs and definitely deserves. Nobody can hinder you. You have survived, you have come this far ! sending you lots of love ❤❤❤

@@lovepeace2373 you have no idea how much this means to me. everything happened when i was 13. i'm 18 now, but i feel like i only recently started to heal.

This is what I was thinking

me too -- often it's the best people second guessing their abilities, but that's because they really do care about the kids out there.

Help I'm a little confused.. survivors of what?

@@CASonYTabuse of any kind, but usually SA or physical abuse.

@@CASonYTAbuse I assume, any kind of

⁠@@CASonYTMost likely survivors of some sort of abuse. These accommodations are also helpful for suicide survivors, so really this video is helpful for fostering (and parenting in general) any kind of depressed and/or traumatized child

I completely agree there seem to be quite a few of us who think that way because even though hopefully your biological kids have not been through trauma they so deserve understanding love and respect.

yes. to both. even if we aren't survivors, we have needs. we aren't being crazy or over demanding. we just want the respect you give the adults you expect us to act like

@@the26thLetteroftheAlphabet Exactly!

My brother would just walk in my room , just to annoy me.

Is someone hurting you? I’m sorry to ask. I don’t know if you are reaching out… if so, I’m reaching back. I’m not a weirdo- I’m a mom (not that that really means anything sadly)- but if you need help please say so I will keep checking this for you- ok? Seriously.

@@loco7357 No no, I'm okay! Didn't mean to worry anyone! But it's so sweet of you to check. You're an absolute saint, I hope you have a lovely day!

So often, the people who take our reports and hear our stories - they are in a more investigative mode. Foster parents are in a unique position to get more personal, and to be a bit biased in the interest & well-being of the child, especially over the pride/avoidance of any other adults involved.

It genuinely angers me how many foster/adoptive parents are ignorant of trauma informed care. I know I probably couldn’t handle the responsibility of raising another life (let alone one that’s survived trauma). But too many adoptive parents feel entitled because they “saved” a kid from their brith homes and the foster care system.

I think it goes out the window when you're a parent in general. The best way to raise a kid who is distrustful and reflexively lies and who you feel like you don't really know or understand is to give them no privacy. They might not even be doing anything awful. Any time I see a parent proudly announce that they know everything about their kid and there are no secrets allowed in their house, I'm like, "Well that's a kid with a whole boatload of stuff they've kept secret just to have some privacy."

​@@alyssapinon9670 it's so frustrating. How are you going to voluntarily take in an abused child only to be annoyed at their existence and abuse them further? And to still call yourself a hero after that?? It's so idiotic.

My mom read my diary and then beat me for what was in it. I felt so violated and you know I was constantly abused But that felt so raw I guess. I have never read anything my kids leave out I don't invade their space because I respect them and they are great kids. But I've also always been this type of parents so they know they can tell me anything and as long as it's not illegal we'll figure it out and work it out together. Or I just support you and now they tell me everything. Some stuff Mom's probably don't need to know but I hear it and I'm thankful

As a former child addict, i would have liked to be offered a space to share IF I wanted, with no judgement, just listening. No solutioning immediately but offering me options of how to proceed forward and letting me choose the baby steps i wanted to take. Have me sleep on it and then talk again to decide the next step and schedule something. I used because of SA, and i wouldn't have shared that with anyone back then, as i always protected my family no matter what, but i would have shared other things that bothered me. Obviously you need to set the boundaries of sobriety in your home but make sure your come from a place of love and gentleness, and mixing it in with all the house rules would make me feel less targeted and like it's part of the list of things. Of course this advice won't work for everyone, but having someone listen and give me rules was what i desperately wished for. I might not have obeyed right away, testing you, but finding out you cared enough to hold me accountable would have gone a long way. If the teen still needs detox to sober up safely then that needs to come out so they don't feel so scared of getting to sober that they won't work with you. Educate yourself in grave detail, not the crap people say to scare people from drugs, but the reality of the particular drug. I hope this was helpful in some way!

​@@pzh3334thank you so much for this. We took a 17yo into our.home 2 years ago and he struggles with substance use. Part of it is self-medication. We have tried so hard to keep lines of communication open, thanking him for smart choices, and talking to him about not-so-smart choices. It took me some time to appreciate that while I couldn't approach him the way I approach the kids I birthed, he responds so well to honesty, transparency and trust. I love the kid to death; he is the child of my heart.

General advice here (not an expert in any shape or form): Don't reduce them to their problematic behavior, whether it's current or past. Let them know that they are much more than their past experiences. That doesn't mean trying to "hide the dirt under the rug" and pretending it didn't happen, but make sure to emphasize their good qualities and to celebrate their successes... And their humanity.

Not sure if this is the right place to share this, but my personal opinion is that people aren't inherently good or bad. Our intentions and our decisions can be good or bad (they're not necessarily the same thing). And a person who has had bad intentions/decisions in the past can have good intentions/decisions in the future, and vice versa. I believe if you treat someone like they're a "bad kid" because of previous things they've done, you are essentially saying that they ARE their actions. And that they will always be a bad kid because of it. I believe if a kid starts to think they are inherently bad, they will (at least subconsciously) think, "Well, I'm a bad kid, and not capable of being a good kid. So I should behave like a bad kid, and not bother trying to be a good kid". Or at least "I'm treated like I'm a bad kid even when I'm trying to be good, so why should I bother trying to be good?". Obviously an oversimplification, but that's my theory. And I'm sure that there are people out there who will always have bad intentions, even if you are kind and give them the benefit of the doubt. But I believe that that's not the case for most - especially children, who are still being shaped by their environment.

​@@pzh3334 Thank you for sharing your experience. It's really helpful to hear from people who have lived experience. Your description is very articulate, and it's really helpful to hear what kind of things you feel would help, and importantly, what might make the situation worse. I hope in a much better place now.

I would also argue that adults pretending shit is not happening can transform grief into irreparable trauma. At least that was my experience when I learned my father was screwing my best friend the week my mother overdosed. He married her. All my aunts, uncles and siblings normalized their behavior and now they do family gatherings together. I lost my faith in humanity and moved away. I could probably have recovered from my mom's death and dad's betrayal. But seeing how little my pain meant to those closest to me taught me that people are too selfish and spineless to trust with anything as precious as a human heart.

That last one. What the actual fuck.

Ah yes my parents were also of the mindset "this isn't your room we just let you stay here"

I'm really sorry to hear that. You're clearly a really strong person. Keep being that. Just remember to talk to someone when it feels overwhelming. It helps to have someone else work through things with you or, even just listen. I use a therapist and/or 7 Cups. Keep at it. Eventually you'll be old enough to be fully in control of your life and I really really wish you all the happiness once you are. You deserve it ❤️

Caveat: some survivors have been groomed and led to believe what happened is *because* they did something wrong (AND THEY DIDN'T! And what happened wasn't their fault) Make sure you make clear that what happened was NOT because they did something. And *then* flow into that thing about not feeling bad about things unless it's something they did.

100% agree with the "I understand" thing, like I had to spend several days in intensive care as a teenager after nearly dying, when people who've had the same condition as me but in a much more minor way tell me that they understand it feels like it's minimising and dismissing my experience. I know they don't mean it like that but it still feels like it.

I’m so sorry, I can’t even imagine how hard that was for you, you’re very strong ❤

Try being like that with yourself. Some of those things she said might be reaffirming for you to hear. I often tell myself affirming things that honestly, I wish people would have told me. Hope it helps 🙏❤️

Kids live up to the expectations placed on them by the adults surrounding them, so what prejudice creates is only self-fulfilling prophecies that don't help anybody. That says more about the people making such statements than about the subjects of those statements. But your heart is in the right place, and I wish you all the best ❤