STOP being an option for people. If they don’t prioritize you, walk away. That’s the ONLY thing that will make them value you.

I remember I used to watch all these videos because I was in a relationship where I was always asking myself questions such as "Does he really love me?" or "Where is this going?" Now that I'm free, I've realized that love and relationships are no science, they're so simple. If someone loves you he/she will want to make you know and be with you (if he or she is in another relationship and you're thinking it's not that simple: he/she will never leave that person for you bcs he/she is a player). If you're asking yourself too many questions about the relationship you're in ... That's not your person. Free yourself and make room to your happiness and someone who will let you know how he/she feels about you. Someone "real"

“Your confusion is not my problem” best thing to tell them

This line was so strong...He doesn't feel the true consequences of letting you go because you are not going...that was so damn true..and even that train on platform..perfect example. Great advice 👍👍👍👍👍👍

"If he comes back to you and says 'I miss you...' BORING! If he comes back to you and says 'I'm thinking of you...' BORING!" Matt, you are brilliant. Thank you for teaching us what we deserve, and for reminding us what proper love and standards are.

Always walk away if you want to commit, but he is not ready. Wasted 3 years on a man that told me to be patient, that he needed time. He crushed me. I was just a option for him if something else did not work out. I have ran into him now recently and it’s funny how a crush on someone makes you blind. I learned my lesson and is now extremely happy and content. That one man is not all there is.

" it's your business to protect yourself" - Amen.

_"Why can't he let me go..."_ *that's the wrong question..the right question is: **_"Why won't I let him go..."_*

As a gay man whos treated the exact same way by fickle wish washy gay men- I truly sympathize with women. Its brutal enough for me- I can't imagine what goes through a woman's mind when these games are played. In the end I'm just done being an ego boost. The best thing you can do is corner them and get them to act - either way its going to feel great because you don't have to fill the blanks anymore.

In almost the same situation right now. He isn't married but got out of a relationship about 3 weeks before we met. I put my foot down. Told him to go heal and when he is ready to contact me. Maybe I'll be single. He came back 2 days later asking to be "friends". Then he said he wasn't available "at all the whole weekend." SERIOUSLY!! No. I responded with: I'm open to date you, you are open to seeing each other here and there. I want consistency and communication. I want someone who is 100% in with me. I want someone who really know what he wants and who respects n values me. Deleted his contact. I'm on day 3.

This is a classic case of 'situationship'. I was in a similar situation about 1 year ago and I stuck around for 6 months till it started getting toxic in the end. From my experience, the longer we stay in the situation, the less likely that the other person would actually commit.

8:54 My husband (boyfriend of 6 months at the time) started feeling scared that he was in love with me. We worked for the same company and one day, with no explanation as to why, he pulled me into a conference room and said he had asked for a transfer to another state and received it. Without thinking about it, I told him I hoped the job would work out well for him, that I deeply cared for him, but I didn’t do long distance relationships…so, good luck. His mouth literally fell open and he said, “What?” I reiterated my feelings, again wished him luck, and left the conference room. I was devastated! A few days later, he called me and said he had canceled the transfer, explained why he asked to transfer, and said asked to continue dating. That was 32 years ago, so I do not remember how much time passed, but he later told me my self-respect (my refusal to wait around for him) made him wake up and realize he didn’t want to run away from his feelings. ❤

This is such great advice, especially the part where he says 'it doesn't matter what his reasons are', fact is he doesn't want to be with you. That hit home.

If he tells you he's not ready, believe him the 1st time. He's not going to marry you sweetheart. Your a beautiful girl, find someone who will.

Indeed so. Love is a commitment to protecting another person's heart with the same passion you use to guard your own.

This game doesn’t just happen at the dating stage either… this “cold feet” or “hesitation” phase can happen at any time. Especially if not married, it can happen at the buying a house phase, having kids phase, moving in together phase, etc. anytime the relationship is moving forward.

KNOW YOUR WORTH. IT CHANGES EVERYTHING

One sentence: actions are decisions and actions speak louder than words - if he’s ignoring you for weeks - that’s a decision he doesn’t want you - if he won’t commit verbally that’s a decision Actions (disappearing acts, left on read for weeks or unread, coming round for sex then disappearing, saying I’m cryptic) are decisions they are your answers walk away

I was just like this girl hoping for more. He would not commit. He came up with excuses after 7 months! I am so pleased I valued myself enough to walk away. I do deserve so much more. We all do 💜❤ life is precious.

I experienced the same situation and was so unhappy that I had to end it. It made me feel horrible to lose him but months after I got over the heartbreak, I asked myself: why did I want to be with someone that doesn't say yes to me? I tried so long to win his love. At one point I realized that I have anxiety of being left by a loved one because this is what I experienced as a child from my mother. I am still working through it, but maybe it helps other people: Try to understand yourself, why are you pursuing someone that is emotional unavailable and gives you unsecure love? I hope to notice my patterns in future relationships so I can react differently to it. Great video and advices, Matthew!

Most individuals that are going through a divorce really is not ready to get into a "committed" relationship. They have too much unfinished business to resolve and are involved in a very stressful situation. After a divorce there really needs to a time out in order to just breathe, reorganize, redirect, recuperate and rebuild. He has her in the layaway and she does not realize that. Great advice Matthew!

Matthew - I’m staggered. I’m in tears watching this not so much for the obvious reason that Im sad for her. But the compassion and empathy in your advice companied by your firmness in how to handle this and how protect our ourself is just so brilliantly expressed. My situation is exact to hers right now and I cannot Thankyou enough for the advice given but also in the way that you make it so easy to understand and the compassion that you show.

Be strong. It's hard. But you have to be strong. And remember you are important. You are the protagonist of your life.

I used "no contact rule" to someone who I really love we being in contact for 5years distance wasn't helping at all but after he came back home where I live he pulls away again he hurts my feeling a lot doing it after 30 days no being in contact with him I realized I don't want him anymore I moved on with my life. Works perfectly thank you so much Matthew ☺️

Gosh! I really feel for her , been in a similar situation myself. You have to choose yourself , happiness and peace overall ❤️👸

I love the idea of “my reality “. Unless you offer me something different, it doesn’t change reality. That’s boring! Absolutely brilliant.

Just wanted to say this lovely lady is really brave to share her experience with us 🙏

Go Sabina! Don’t let him waste your time and wear you out. #TeamSabina

These are the exact words I used yesterday: I cannot give you what you want and ignore what is good for me. Man, it was very hard. But I am feeling relieved today, & I will be ok

Wow, that’s what Active listening looks like, providing articulate response. Never thought of it as separating (my) reality from (his) reason and looking at the facts of a situation. Thank you!

The girl looks so sad and depressed …she seems to have lost herself in the relationship …hope Shez happy soon !♥️much love to you !♥️

Matt is really special. The level of wisdom he has is another level

Hey YOU, incredible person reading this...The truth is you are confident and good enough already with who you are, where you are at and what you have right now to have the success you want in life. Don't let others define what “success” is for you. Get up, learn that skill and go after it! I believe in you so much! Have an awesome day! - Love, Nat ❤️

You guys give SUCH great advice. I am always SO impressed. One thing that's clearly displayed here by her responses to your advice is how much logic goes out the window after you've already bonded with someone intimately. I've seen so many people know what's best for them and know what strategies to take in order to create the kind of relationship they want in their lives, but cannot bring themselves to take action or sometimes even admit the truth to themselves because they've already intimately bonded with someone. They just can't let go or put enough distance between themselves in order to take healthy steps towards greater happiness. That's why it's SO important to get as much as possible straightened out before intimately bonding with someone.

I love your approach: "ignore the comments, it is your life, your time, your energy", great video, thank you!

Omg, you are STUNNING!!! A million men would love to give you everything you want. Leave this guy. He has told you he can't give you what you want. Stick to what you say. Don't go back unless everything changes. Tell him not to contact you. And don't answer him if he contacts you. He is getting his cake and eating it to you. Go! You'll be amazed at all the incredible opportunities out there for you.

I can just feel her pain through the video. The most important walkway for me in Matthew’s advice is that we try to assess the other people’s reasons. However, we have our own reality. I think that divide is crucial in making sense out of a non sensical situation. I also loved the train analogy.

Wow mind blown never knew the No-contact rule could work like that tooo.. Now I know what not to do when someone I’m interested in says I miss you but isn’t stepping up his game

It’s not wise to expect a serious commitment from a newly divorced person. They need time to heal and grow.

I hope she gains and maintains the strength. I kinda disagree about one thing, regarding aggression. Ofc you don't have to be and probably shouldn't be aggressive outwardly to the person, but internally, I think a bit of aggression helps. You are standing up for yourself. You are psychologically protecting yourself with all your power from dangers from the outside. Don't express it but feel the aggression. You are a warrior for your own self.

I'm in a terrible situationship. I feel very used and like his absolute last choice. He's even become mean toward me. I think hes doing it to push me away because he doesnt want to tell me he doesnt like me like that) I feel so stupid letting him walk all over me for so long, and your videos are helping me get the courage to put a stop to this.

Oh my god this video resumed everything after taking one year of therapy and matt said it in minutes. That’s it. ❤ genius

I'm in a similar situation n looks like the girl I'm dating has watched this video...shes clearly following his advise...she only wants to talk if my decision has changed🤷

wow she is justifying what he is doing. he doesn't want you...he is not emotionally connected to you..He is a married man. she needs to move on...he is using her. she deserves better.

This is super true and i know how hard it is to let go of someone we love, but we have to because they don't want what we want

Stephen. Bro. You’re wiggin me out with that dead silent dead stare glare at the camera...

I really think this dude is just playing this poor girl. He might not even be going through a divorce at all and he's playing you and his wife. He gets the best of both worlds and just feeds the girls what they want to hear. He's probably still living with her and sleeping in the same bed. Run for the hills girl. When the wife calls you, it's a very uncomfortable situation.

She is denial, hard. Poor dear deserves better and she doesn’t realize.

I'm in exactly the same position and just ended it a week ago. He contacts me all the time, is convinced I'm the right person yet he won't make our relationship official. I'm being polite but I'm not going to meet up with him. I'm actually annoyed by his behaviour and find it selfish. If you can't call me your girlfriend then accept that I understand my value is much more. Yep Matt is right all this talk is boring and if he comes back it might be to little to late.

At 36 you can’t afford anybody to waste your time if you want children.

I love the advice - his reasons versus your reality. This guy will always have an excuse. Let him go and give him the time to himself that he obviously needs to get through his divorce.

Gosh I feel for this girl. It’s just like talking to a girl friend who is drawn to a man who isn’t giving her enough. I say cut your losses and stop making excuses for him! But easier said than done I know

This came at the perfect moment , such a big sign for me. Thank you Matthew 🙏

Great advice for a tough situation. Reminds me of the Disney "Alice" - "I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it..."

Stop asking people to give you what they don’t want to give you. Stop asking for time, for commitment, for love. Just walk away and they will chase you after some time. No contact rule.

You need to see results. 100% commitment. Not half way. Don't try to make excuses for him.

One of my main concerns or problems with saying they can come back if they change their mind is that, if we are apart for some time and they got with someone else (whether casually, intimately, seriously, etc), I don't think I'd be able to take them back. I guess that's a "risk" on my part, so once it ends, it will probably have to stay that way. If they've told me they've gotten with another while broken up with an ex and got back together but didn't tell her when she asked, it'd be hard for me to trust they wouldn't do the same to me. I'm at a disadvantage cause I usually don't move on to someone else unless I'm over them and no longer emotionally compromised. I can't do that to a new person or myself, so I don't use people for rebounds.

This is less than my worth, staying in my box and letting you decide how this plays out.

This man reduce my pain and give me a new life when he answered to a person who was betrayed by his girlfriend, i was broken into pieces, my left part of the body was continuously in pain, but after listening to him just few drops of tears, and my pain diminished slowly...

Ladies, if you can't get your man to commit to marrying you it is because he doesn't want to marry you. Stop complicating this or analyzing it.

"Your reasons don't change my reality..." 💥 BAM! 👏🏽

the train analogy is brilliant 👏

It’s our business to protect ourself! Thank you

I’m going through almost the exact same situation this woman is going through and that was the best advice I’ve ever got on my situation in the last year and I love it! I literally just did what he advised her to do last month with the guy before I even watched this video and this is just confirmation that I did the right thing! Thank you ❤ I’m worth more and I deserve someone who is emotionally available and ready to commit! 🙌🏾

I gave 6 years to an emotionally unavailable person that kept me hanging on with empty promises.

This woman goes round and round. She wants the guy to change but doesn't understand that he is not going to commit. Just leave.

I love how Matt does the talking and Steve does the listening💚💜 lovely little group

Omg my life !!! It’s exactly the same with me. The difference is that my guy is sooo close to his kids and his is not willing to change that. I also have two kids but I am giving him more time ..omg again!!!!! and we are together for 9 months . Jesus !!🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

"Boring, pointless, stop wasting my time" Wow! That's powerful! Thank you so much for this, I really needed to hear this. I am learning a lot.

You get what you settle for.

Dude, same. But I lost all emotional control due to anger(because of push and pull) And now we haven't contacted since month. I feel relieved to let that shit go

Matthew I appreciate u saying ignore the comments! People are quick to judge. Everyone has a different situation

Your confusion is not my problem ❤

Matthew is so nice about it all. Actually she should never put herself in a relationship with a married man. Is up to us women's what we put ourselves inn like Matthew said is up to us

Wow yes!!! This probably applies to all woman at some point and so helpful ❤️ Thanks guys you are the best

I’ve listened to your advice from day 1 and now I’m married so thank you.

If he is not completely legally divorced do not waste your time. If he is not divorced he is not available. Do not waste your time and heart on someone who is not emotionally available. Tell him I can understand you have a lot going on. 6 months is more then enough time to commit. Tell him you wish him well and stop all contact.

Love the way the guy in the back is just quietly listening and almost not blinking😊😅 very calming and asuring message, thank you🙏

last I checked, divorces don't take SIX MONTHS to process. It might take some time to get finalized, but the paperwork is filed.

normally i only run this on the background while i work. now i'm looking at the visual, steve is so cute staying quiet in the background. XD

She doesn’t want to believe what Matt is saying.

Brilliant answer. very hard to stay calm and not get angry though...we are humans. It's hard enough in business, in relationships emotions are what drive us ...so...i think we should be kind to ourselves if at times we snap (not talking about being abusive).

She is so focused on him, him him, she keeps going back to his narrative. What he wants is irrelevant, it's about what she wants.

Difficult situation to be in…so wish we don’t get stuck in such emotional turmoils.

Being able to view an actual coaching session is very informative, and I hope you continue to post more of these videos in the future. :)

Oh he will not let u go because u allowed it. U know he's not ready but every time he comes back u let him inn and situation is not changing. Is like with raising children. What u allowed them they will try more to break boundaries see how far they can go. Is up to you what u allowing

It is so funny how Steve is looking at the camera for kind of like 20 minits, I don't know if he even blink hahahaha. Thank you so much for this Master Class ... so many wise advice and everything you said was soo true! Thank you for sharing!

I feel for this woman I was in the same kind of boat. It’s so hard to end it. It really is.

Well said Matthew it's better to take a step back etc. His divorce isn't her problem

Let it be a lesson to all those ladies who engage with men who are not entirely available because of whatever reason but mainly not being divorced. Then you add to that that you have marriage benefits before being married so he loses the interest of a commitment. A man who is in the transition of a divorce is not completely emotionally available and more likely than not you're just to fill his time while the divorce is in process and he is hoping that he will go back to his wife. Never ever get involved with anybody who's not completely available because the only person who will suffer the consequences whether you like it or not is you. How do I know that? That's exactly what is happening to the woman that my soon-to-be ex is going through and she is devastated. Just 5 days ago he asked me to stop the divorce proceedings and definitely I will not. Forgave enough times than he deserved and I'm moving on.

Wow this actually made me almost emotional! Matthew your way of understanding and conveying matters of the heart are so strong and crystal clear. Along with being kind, you always centre the advice around choosing yourself first! I think this is something we often lose sight of - ourselves. When we like/love someone we want to accommodate them instead of remembering we have a say in how this ends up. Wow wow wow. Really wish Sabina all the best, it's hard to put emotions to the side when you're in it but we all deserve to be chosen, entirely. I find your videos and words so powerful and they really do help be stay strong and true to myself in my own life situations. ❤❤

I understand your dilemma I waited for someone due to “his issues “ etc. years later and nothing. Do your best to have him feel of not having you. I know hard this is. I am in no contact and he’s trying hard to get me back but I’m standing strong to what I want and need! Good luck

I am in the same situation, but it's been more than one year. Every time I try to break up, he comes back.We had this conversation many times. But nothing changes.

This video is so good!!! I just walked away from a noncommittal relationship and was giving a second thought..

This video offers so much clarity in an otherwise complicated situation. Thank you for sharing the advice!!!

Thank you Matthew, this is exactly how I've been feeling. I needed to hear this 🙋🏼‍♂️

He wants benefits with no commitment. Basicly. Ive been there. F..k it. The Guy I was seeing told me he is commitment phobe and because I let him he was comming back. Its your in your hands girl. Let him go. U!!

If it hurts disengage...

This is so heartbreaking. Story of my life. Learning how to break free. Thank you for the content

I was in a very similar situation. The guy was going through a divorce. We dated seriously for 6 months. In that time he told me he loved me and wanted a relationship after the divorce was final. After the divorce became final he changed. His communication was dropping. When I asked him he said he was too busy and depressed from the divorce. I could understand as I have been through a divorce. However he was still going out with family members but not me. Finally he tells me he only wants to be friends because he is not ready. He asked to meet up to talk. I was heartbroken but agreed to go. Day of he cancels because something came up last minute. At this point I was devastated and knew for my mental health I couldn't stay around. So I told him that. I went no contact and didn't even know I did the right thing by going no contact. I was just doing it for myself. Anyway I never heard from him again and this was in 2022. I'm still trying to recover.