When your hunger for love is stronger than your self love, you settle for situationships and crumbs.

Instead of being afraid to lose him, be afraid of losing yourself. When we compromise on our boundaries and ignore or minimize our feelings and needs, that's exactly what happens. And it takes a VERY LONG TIME to recover from that. Much longer than it takes to recover from an asshole guy.

"You have your reasons, but I have my reality. If my reality is that what you're giving me isn't enough for me to be happy, then your reasons as to why that is don't really matter." (17:47) BRILLIANT!!

The thing is, most people know what genuine interest looks like. You know the texts you'll receive, the questions you'll be asked, the plans that will be made, etc. The falling process isn't that mysterious. So you should also know when someone ISN'T falling for you. Inconsistency, dodging of important conversations, excuses as to why it can't be serious now, some scattered future-faking, some ego pumping followed by silence, not progressing the relationship, etc. You KNOW, you just don't want to believe, and this is causing you suffering.

The question about “what if I don’t find someone like him again?” - well that’s exactly the goal to find someone not like him. Flip the narrative. He’s not good enough for you, he’s not giving you what you want. YOU want something different than him. And you won’t find something better if you settle for this situation.

This was excellent. I was dating a man that was perfect on the outside. Handsome, charming, high status, funny. Captivating. And a whole mess underneath. I was carrying all the weight in the relationship. Emotionally and physically..,yes pleasing him and not once did he ever pursue me intimately. I was heavily deprived from the relationship and hanging on for dear life because of the outer shell. I finally cut him loose. The man didn’t lose an ounce of sleep. Haven’t heard from him since. Ladies… don’t drag it out. Run!!!!

The worrying thing about this relationship is that he seems VERY experienced in playing this game and leading people on. He's done it a lot - it's a strategy that works for him. He knows exactly what to say, to play the victim, get her sympathy, keep her hanging on, frightened to ask to many questions or push him for real answers. He's an experienced manipulator. I bet his phone is full of conversations with multiple women, serving his needs in some way.

my humble opinion: if he really is dealing with PTSD severe enough to not know if he wants to be in a committed relationship, he needs to have the self awareness to remove himself from the dating pool or not dangle the idea of a relationship in front of people. work thru ur shit and dont expect others to handle it for you. he gets the grace of the emotional security and validation of a relationship while simultaneously only just being involved enough to not be hurt like she would be.

I read this and it makes a lot of sense, “ if they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused”. She have to let him GO NOW!!! He doesn’t see her as the one. If she stays, she will be nothing but a SPOT HOLDER until he finds the right one. Be smart!!!!

I cannot believe that there are women that are still hoping and waiting for men to commit. There is no time to wait. You will find somebody else. Be happy.

A general rule that may not fit every situation: A sad sob story + lack of accountability = manipulation

When you start defending people who hurt you.... saying it's fine because they're "a big deal." It's time to reevaluate that pedestal you put them on. They may be a great person.. but if they're not a great person for YOU. That's the reality you have to live in. Relationships have to be mutually beneficial. They cannot survive otherwise. Someone gets hurt otherwise. Being hurt by someone you respect and care for isn't a relationship anyone should readily accept. Your suffering is a BIG DEAL too.

She’s a relationship coach and she can’t “see” what this is. Just goes to show how hard it is when it’s ourselves “in” something. So much easier to see when not emotionally involved. Run girl.

Same thing happened to me. Never wait. Timing is not right. You can't force a person to heal. Move on.

Just the mere fact that he hasn’t introduced her to anyone he knows is enough for me to know he doesn’t want anyone to know he’s dating her.

To feel valued, nurtured, and respected is how we should feel in any significant relationship. Your advice is spot on!

“I know not to text him too much or too little” Girrrrrrrrl, he sounds like way too much work. Next!

The Goldilocks pain amount was the perfect way to describe it. This guy sounded like my ex...traumatized enough to never commit to me fully and claim to never be able to trust me, but not too traumatized to want me to be there as comfort, source of sex, and constant validation. SO GLAD I ESCAPED!

If you are traumatized by an ex, you are not ready for a new relationship. If you have not healed your wounds, you will bleed on someone else. I don't get involved with people with ongoing emotional issues. It's a nightmare and not fair for anyone involved, especially me since I am ready for a real healthy commitment. Heal yourself and make sure you are ready for the next journey. Otherwise, the new relationship will fail and more people will get hurt. You will just repeat the same patterns and waste my time. You don't have to be perfect, but at least you have to work on it and be actively doing so.

Been there done that. Move on. He doesn't have your best interest at heart. Move on. You will only get hurt.

If her goal is not to lose him even though she isn’t happy with him then she will lose herself instead.

Emotionally unavailable men are just men who aren’t emotionally available to you. I’ve seen men who claim they were so heartbroken and couldn’t get into a relationship just to meet someone they actually liked enough to get past it. They are shockingly good partners to someone else just not you because they weren’t that into you. There are no excuses. If you meet someone and they aren’t available or willing to put in the work they aren’t for you. You aren’t for them. There are some who are completely not available and emotionally immature. some guys are just not into you so they come up with excuses to keep you around because they like you enough. You are basically around so they can get their needs met until they meet someone else. Women do this as well I have male friends who have gone through this. It’s like I like you enough to keep you around sometimes it’s enough if people are clear and it’s what they both want.

This just made me feel soooooooooo much better for putting my foot down and standing up for myself. Finally exiting a situation where "Marriage in future but wait with me till I get myself together cause I have issues, but I can't define what we are, and if you leave me you're abandoning me" carrot was being dangled. #GoldilocksParadox lol

As a woman, I really appreciate Audrey's perspective, she is certainly insightful! I hope we the audience get to see her more often with you on your channel! Thank you, Audrey, for your time and energy that you help Matt to create for the audience today.

OMG! I just finished off a 1 month situationship just as you've described. The Goldilocks Pain Paradox is a perfect description. We as women have the "savior complex" and when a guy describes a bad situation whether it be due to their health or an ex-partner, somehow we want to rally around him and make him feel better and even when he tells us that he's not open to a relationship we will wait around hoping he changes his mind and we do everything to keep things going smoothly so he won't leave. Oh and then when they want to sleep together and not be exclusive....that is horrible! Ladies...take back your power. There are so many healthy men out there for us to meet. Keep working on your self-worth while single because then when you meet a "bread-crumber"/unavailable guy, then you will be able to walk away immediately. When a man is dealing with some type of drama from an ex partner, he is not available to give us a healthy relationship, ever. A man needs to be free and clear from all drama before he can open his heart to a new relationship and this cannot be rushed! Men's recovery from drama are like seeds...you cannot stand over it and tell it to grow and hurry up to bear fruit. It takes time and the time and healing has to be on their own time and do it alone. Ladies, we cannot help a man get over his trauma...sorry.

Doesn't sound like she's actually got a secure attachment style, but more like she's presenting as having one, when she says things like "I know to not text too much or too little." It sounds like she's not acting from a healthy place of secure attachment, but is making calculated moves/doing all the "right" things so she doesn't scare him off. I wonder what advice she gives her clients. 🤔

That’s why it’s so important to have outsiders and coaches/ therapists. When we are “in it” it’s tricky to see outside of it. Very easy to get reeled into “their narrative” versus “my needs”.

My note to the woman who wrote this letter: he’s just not that into you - best to move on and refocus your attentions on a mutually reciprocal relationship.

I doubt that a person with a “secure attachment” would put up with this much, let alone start such a relationship

This is so true. I was in a relationship with a CEO of a company for a year or so. At no point during the relationship were my needs considered. Always what he needed, what others around him needed, etc. Of course at first he made it appear that my needs mattered. I put up with this because I wasn't clear on my needs, but it resulted in a lot of pain and time lost. Be careful out there all

after 5 years and 2 kids I am still hearing things like this. Anything is an excuse not to commit despite the fact we have been playing house this entire time and all of his needs are 100% met. This is what I like to call Financing an entire life on hope. If your emotionally unavailble person can figure out what you really want, they can promise it to you down the road. This finances them to the full spouse treatment and all they have to invest is a carrot on a stick and then keep living their best life. They will never pay into the dream because they don't have to and have no desire to. Once you get disgruntled enough because theyve used you up and you've got no more to give they will dump you because you've changed and they arent attracted to negativity.

I agree that he’s likely a player. I dated a man like this who really manipulated me into feeling very sorry for him and it was his way of getting me to get my guard down. He ended up really being full of it.

This man is emotionally unavailable, never I repeat never entertain a man or a woman who is emotionally unavailable. He’s in therapy, wish this man well in his healing recovery and move on. Everything in this situation is screaming he’s not ready to invest at-the level that you are.

Feeling like an intruder in someone's life is no way to live. Just got out of a situation that dragged on for 9 plus months. I was always put on hold. Never again.

I feel for this lady. I think … he is seeing quite a few people (not consistently). The fact you haven’t met his friends is a HUGE RED FLAG and that he doesn’t see you on the weekend. I’ve been in this situation and it makes you feel paranoid. Not healthy. Imagine if you had two nights with one, two nights with another etc etc. He’s having a ball and blaming his PTSD on his inability to be “consistent”. It’s a cop out and we get hooked in and feel so connected once they express vulnerability, but its a fake vulnerability designed to get what they want. Just my opinion. You deserve so much better.

I'd been seeing a guy for 5 months. We both hadn't been seeing other people but hadn't agreed to be exclusive. We had been acting like a couple but without the commitment. He wanted to buy each other Christmas presents. I brought it up recently that we weren't exclusive and I thought we would end the conversation being exclusive. He said he wasn't seeing other people but wasn't ready to be exclusive. Which was disappointing because he had never said that before. I was looking for a relationship, his dating profile said he was looking for a relationship. I ended up calling it off. I felt blindsided but at least I'm not confused anymore.

Every person is a “big deal” …….equally a big deal. Let him go 👋. He is not seeing other people consistently, but he is seeing other people.

I felt that Audrey couldn’t finish her Thought Strings without being interrupted.

This hit home so hard.. It was me/is me right now.. two weeks ago we had the hard conversation about what we really are/doing and we ended up breaking off the “situation-ship” on his terms and tbh it was more of a full on relationship without the labels.. So the breakup hit me so much harder than I thought it would.. looking back Ive elevated this man to such a high level.. I’ve been so gracious to his needs and feelings.. And mine have just been left unattended and bottled until I cry into my pillow.. he wants to still be friends which I agreed with because I care about him so much.. but it’s so painful.. and I’ve been basically lying to myself that I’m okay and that this is okay and a positive thing.. but I’m internally so hurt.. and I think I need to create space between us.. but I have abandonment issues and fear of being alone.. so I’m actually the worst at distancing myself from people.. blahhh Also I didn’t even want the situation-ship in the first place and made it clear to him that I was afraid of being hurt again and he was respectful but jokingly said “but I can’t help it if you fall in love with me” which again looking back really doesn’t feel good.. It seems he love bombed me and then when it started to get too serious he pulled all his love away and emotionally shut me out and after enduring months of that I finally initiated the conversation that deep down I knew would lead to the end of things.. I just hate how closed it has made my heart and trust againnn :(

"... the reasons don't matter - you are not in a position to give me what I need ... " OMG! Wish I'd seen this 30 years ago!!!

Excellent video! Really appreciated everyone’s input! If a man wants a relationship with a woman, it shouldn’t take a panel of experts to analyze and dissect the issue. There won’t even be a question. She will feel it. He will make it known.

The way you love yourself raises the stakes for anyone who tries to catch you. I've always been infatuated with emotionally unavailable people, and it took me a tremendous amount of pain, therapy and soul-searching to realize I had mommy issues and found comfort in the pain I grew up with. So I'd advice anyone to ask themselves why you're looking for another one in the first place, and if you can see any reoccuring patterns.

Probably the only good dating advice I've ever seen on the Internet. These people know what they're talking about. Intelligent and clearly derived from experience for an audience of mature adults. Good stuff!

Oof 😥… she immediately justified his actions prior to addressing her concerns. This is a big red flag. Much easier to see it happening to someone else than recognize when it’s happening to you. And even when you do, you’ve been through all the unhealthy stages that end up keeping you there.

As soon as you read the email I was like…wow, this woman has been blinded by her affections for this guy, and she is also lying to herself. The second you start wondering about “what your relationship is”, if the other person can’t clearly define it it means you are more invested in the relationship than the other person. She does indeed need to move on and invest her time and energy into someone else. Even if this is early on in the relationship it is clear she really cares about this man and he doesn’t.

I’ve had this situation so many times and every time they were seeing other women and ended up leaving for the one who didn’t obviously challenge any growth in them 🤦🏼‍♀️

It’s not that easy to find another person you have that kind of connection with. I agree he’s not emotionally available but as a middle aged woman looking for love in a world where men value hookup culture, it’s just not as easy to just move on to the next person and find love anymore.

I loved all the laughter and comments about how dodgy this guy is, we all needed to hear it!

I have walked into this kind of situation multiple times, not necessarily that they wouldn't date me exclusively, but that they use past experiences or job or situation as excuses of why they can't fulfill my needs, and always made me feel guilty for even asking for those needs. I think I need to re-listen to this miltiple times to remind myself that I don't have to feel guilty for having needs and there is someone out there that can fulfill my relationship needs.

The thing is, narcissists will usually create the illusion for those who date them, that they are rare, and that they won't find someone as amazing as them. And again, for those who are confused by such a man, it is advisable to pay attention to how he treats her, and what she really gets in the relationship. In addition, when it comes to a therapist who is dating someone like that, she may be more compassionate towards him and may intellectualize the situation too much. Also, if a woman dates a man, she should look for how she feel in this realationship, and not fall for his stardust

OMG... Please do more of these roundtable talks. The dynamics of the group are GREAT.

YES! Jamison ❤ Stop making excuses for people. We do it too often, when nothing heals trauma but time and work. But don’t sideline yourself in the meantime.

Love Aubrey’s perspective as a woman . She’s so on point of what we as women might be thinking . Great topic thank you !

There is something else in here. He spoke in length about his ptsd and that's when she started falling in love with him. She is also an empathetic coach. One thing is to deepen a relationship through vulnerability, and another thing is to have a rescuing pattern that might get activated when someone else's express their pain.

I love that Audrey is included, her perspectives are very intelligent and interesting. Great work all three of you, God I wish these videos existed when I was young!

Fully agree with Jamison. I felt it immediately - from the fact that she lost her center and felt a need to ask you (when she herself knows relationship stuff), to the ways she lifts him up as soooo perfect, to - yup - his vagueness and bullshit. Let's remember, even fully diagnosed narcissists are just broken souls. . . so we don't have to diss him, just get the heck out of his orbit.

You guys are spot on. As a guy, I’ve been guilty of being blinded by the fact that a woman is both successful and beautiful, and assumed that there was more going on than their really was. It turned out it was my ego and need for validation that made me believe they were more interested in me than they really were. Love, or more accurately infatuation, is blind.

Been there done that... I wasn't willing to wait outside his mansion till he opens the door to let me in. Moved on.

I once asked a guy after spending a few days together who are we to each other. He looked at me like I was crazy and said ‘I’m your boyfriend! What else were you thinking?!’

Never be their..Priest, Therapist, Mother etc. Nothing attractive in rescuing. Why would l do that? I no longer allow my friends no mind men...to dump their stuff on me. Run. I did. Bliss

It sounds like he wanted to see her so often so he could hopefully get love advice from her for free and help him heal from his last breakup! We women are not bandaids for men’s broken hearts.

Audrey is just such a pure soul. Everytime I see her in a video, I get a warm feeling. Well done, Matthew!

I have so much compassion for this Lisa. Being a coach I assume it's extra difficult to admit you have a blindspot. Definitely sounds like an unhealthy situation and (conscious or subconscious) manipulation.

Never give up on ur authenticity for hanging on to a relationship. Be who u are, embrace ur needs, wants emotions and core beliefs.

He's absolutely bread-crumbing her to string her along. No doubt he is seeing multiple other people. She seems a little blinded by his star power which could happen to anybody. It also sounds like he did a bunch of trauma dumping/bonding with her to keep her hooked. He sounds like he has a schtick and sounds pretty vile to be honest. "Lisa" has true empathy and he could see that in her and used it to his advantage.

I’ve been dating someone the last three years. I was just checking in on Mathew! I feel like you really kept me company in a way back when I was single. Lol. Thanks for being such a wonderful person and there for all the searching souls out there. Hang in there everyone. And enjoy all the freedom, the world has so much potential around each corner for you. Life will surprise you! Believe in your worth and others will see it, too

This is brilliant! I love the Goldilocks paradox. You just explained my last relationship and several others. And now I have complete clarity, and it's very easy to move on. And I love how I now understand why I got stuck.

I’m learning the hard way that if you don’t feel wanted in your relationship then it’s time to go. I thought she’d change eventually but she didn’t and wasn’t even trying.

shes enamored by a high profile person and is throwing everything she knows out the window... she needs to see other people no matter how she doesnt want to

I am a psychologist and i loved your answer Matthew! Also Audrey is amazing when she speaks! It really revolved around how staying true to our needs and truth is more important that engaging in self-betrayal in order to "finally receive love form the other person" or "make them change", which is always unfortunately the subconscious thought or "trap" when this happens. Good team guys, keep up with the good work.

Matthew this really hit home with me, you just gave me the logic and strength to do exactly what I should have done 8 years ago. Thank you so much I love your podcasts!

My boyfriend is so pure listening to this story. He doesn't understand what the guy is doing wrong because he's never had these kind of selfish intentions with women. I say that having been his friend for nearly a decade before we started dating.

My dad once told me, "watch a man's feet. If his mouth is going one way, see if his feet follow direction. When in doubt, believe his feet." At the time a boyfriend of mine had been talking about us getting married, even taking me to shops like Tiffany&Co. to look at rings, browsing open houses and Zillow with me to prepare for where we might live together, presumably "soon" while he "saved up for it". I knew he wasn't making a bundle and was supporting a child from his previous marriage as well as himself, so I was very understanding... But a year or two later, we were still " just looking" while I helped support him so he could save up faster. Dad was probably right ;o)

Thank you for this video and thank you Lisa for sharing your personal experience. Im in this position. Though less of a ‘big deal’ than he’d like to think. I’ve been given scraps and excuses and reasons for years. This year was supposed to be the fully committed one. Yet I spent my birthday alone, I spent Christmas without him, he referred to me as his driver to “prevent gossiping”, he says he ‘can’t’ call when he’s with his kids but does if/when it suits. If I discuss future plans it results in arguments and excuses. The recent insults have been a massive slap in the face. But the past 7 days we haven’t talked or seen each other and I feel like my heart space is open and my head is clear. Im seeing, appreciating and letting in the love that is there, does show up and choose me. I feel like, after 4-5 years(!) that I can see clearly. I see my trauma bond, my mistakes, letting myself down over and over again. The sad part is, our bodies, our nervous system, our intuition tell us all the information we need to know. And it tells us over and over and over and over again. Until, once day that water clears, you no longer cling to sadness as a sense of connection to them, you no longer want pain over forgetting them and you see and hear and feel everything for it’s truth. Your reality has been just a desire and a fantasy. And that’s a sad place to be. But realising and releasing it is the healing work

I think Audrey is right about this value in dating a celebrity. Wether we like it or not we would all be excited to date a celebrity and feel extra special to be included in their world. It’s definitely something that is valued but like she said, it’s already making you unhappy. Humanize him and really think about what you need.

I needed to hear this so bad. I am in a complicated relationship with a rising news reporter who is doing rather well in her career. There always seems to be very little room for error on my end, but the sea of forgiveness I give her when she’s being unreasonable never seems to be appreciated. It’s hard because you do fall in love with people pursuing this kind of life. They need this love, too. It’s hard when you see the more human side of them, and just want to stay around in hopes of seeing more of that.

It doesn't matter how amazing the crush looks to you (not only talking about looks but also status etc) - if your crush isn't making you feel good, it's not amazing. You need to change your criteria for what an amazing person is.

This is so spot on. I have been in a relationship like this for 6 years. When I finally ditched him it took him 3!!!!! weeks to find another girl.

I think the female coach is giving her power to the big shot in that she FEELS valued because he is prominent in his industry (A Legend in His Own Mind). Consider him a dodged bullet and don’t give him an audience.

This has definitely been one of the best videos I’ve ever seen from you Matt!!! I ABSOLUTELY loved everyone’s input/thoughts! Would love to see more of this!!! 💯♥️

Also I hear so many people (as in this example) say things like, I’m securely attached- and support that with examples of how they behave on an external level as it pertains to the dating world. Or the ‘right’ way of doing things etc. I think there can be a huge danger (and I’m glad it’s often touched on in your videos) for dating coaches to simply espouse the more superficial elements of how to respond, be healthy when it comes to relationship etc without making sure to consistently add the addendum of what is possibly going on at a deeper level. Or as Matthew mentioned here, subconsciously. Many of us may say oh I’m healthy independent secure etc and ACT all the right ways, and look the part, but this is an example of where our subconscious drive to put someone else’s needs first. Or minimize our own experiences, desires, and realities.. May seem like security. Or a lack of being ‘needy.’ When in reality these behaviors can mask some deeply rooted insecurities around making ourselves small, or subconscious drives while at the surface appearing to be doing the right thing or handling something healthily. It is such an oft overlooked topic that sometimes SEEMING insecure or openly discussing concerns, etc is actually rather secure. Suppressing these things to stay in alignment with formal dating advice.. trying to understand someone else’s motives etc. Are all examples of security being more of ‘root’ issue to heal with self, and be aware of. Versus the behaviors that mimic security. Just calling this to awareness and also glad that your videos especially recently seem to gently and helpfully touch on some of these things. Basically self love, above all else, and especially above finding love or even having healthy relationships. At the end of the day what matters most is our reality, our happiness. And it’s amazing to connect and understand others perspectives but never at the cost of our own. And by the way, ‘secure’ is a very overused and not helpful thing- we all have insecurities and issues all along the spectrum and the more we bring them into the open and normalize those conversations (as opposed to it being some dating world badge of honor to label one’s self as ‘secure’) the happier and more authentic we all will be. It is secure to be open about your insecurities!! That’s the golden ticket to get to in the end. In my opinion. And if someone else is being vulnerable with theirs- great! But yours are just as important. And if they don’t line up, or create comfort and a feeling of safety or whatever the case for whomever’s individual needs, THAT is what’s important. It is so easy to get caught up in what’s ‘right,’ that we sometimes forget to just really stand up for and embrace and own what is right for US as individuals. And what we value. and letting go of the outcomes from there. To me that is what ‘secure’ means at the end of the day… not the details about how many times you want to see someone or appearing independent to attract someone etc or the surface level aspects but, just being ok with what works for you. Even if that’s too much or too little for someone else. That is security.

This screams out RUNNNNN. I’m sure so many are going to disagree with me, but this is THE reason I don’t think peoples should be having sex until both of them make a clear cut decision that they want to be in a relationship and committed to each other emotionally first. With this comes rings, signing of marriage certificates, setting a date, and attending premarital counseling. There is nothing good coming from giving your body to someone else before this point- it seems to inevitably lead to this situationship. It’s so so sad and always throws off the dynamics of a healthy relationship.

Totally needed to hear this. Almost 9 months out from a situationship with someone I lived with for two years, and all the flags were there. I just ignored them/kept giving the benefit of the doubt because I wanted to be with him. When I started sticking to boundaries and asking for my needs to be met, they pulled away more and wouldn't have sit down conversations to discuss things. I should have cut ties sooner. Despite this, I do believe they were honest with me about dealing with their own crap. However, I feel like they could have been honest with me about if things had changed for them instead of pulling away/doing what they did to me right before I decided to leave.

As a woman who’s really been through it , I’d like to send a big THANK YOU to Mr. Hussey . Watching your videos has helped me navigate the rough waters of dating and taught me so much about myself and others . I’ve grown to be a smart , confident woman with boundaries , and I’ve been able to help so many others by sharing your videos !!! You are a topic of conversation on our “ therapy couches “ here in my living room and referenced frequently as one of the people that helped us “figure it out “ . Thank you Matthew ! You’ve got a group of fans here in small town USA !

Thanks for this. I was in a similar situation earlier this year with a man I had been seeing for 6 months. In the end he wasn't ready for a relationship but wanted to remain friends and keep seeing me. I walked away from him and never contacted him again. It was so painful. It was a split second decision because he had started to become inconsistent due to his mental issues (so he said....) and I was not happy anymore. I just knew continuing a friendship with him would be too painful and not fair to me. Like you said he gets what he wants and I'm left with nothing I want. I have been questioning my self for months about if I did the right thing. After listening to this I have a new perspective on it so thank you 😊

My personal tactic is Never Sleep w/ a guy you're Not In a Relationship w/. The guys looking for one nites will be gone so fast you don't have a chance to care if they're 'gone'. PTSD huh? How many women has He Given PTSD??

I love that you are making fun of the communication patterns. It helps me to see them. They come in variations and one can be blind when hearing them from someone you like and would like to date or commit to

Brilliant! Her comments at the end were golden, as was the final statement. I am breaking up with him and I am 100% sure it is the right thing now. Thanks so much for your help!!!!!

Warning … this man is dangerous for your happiness! Matt, nailed it with the Goldilocks situation! you have said before something as spot on … some people will distract you with their chaos to avoid giving you what you need!”… mind blowing advice 😀

Don't interrupt Audrey when she is speaking!!! It is frustrating.

Hey everyone, I had very much the same experience, and took me 5 years to get out of it. Similar set of story, a man self proclaimed he is high status and with disability, I value his talent, and it was the most depressed years of my life, still trying to get out of it. Matt got it all spot on, do listen and don't get this unnecessary pain. I wished I have seen this earlier... thanks xxx

The pedestal effect … as soon as we value someone above us… we will always put ourselves and our needs second. The pedestal effect is an illusion… smoke and mirrors … the person is a bog standard human being, they came into the world the same and they will leave the same. They hold now magic powers or secrets to your heart or are the only possible person in the world who can make you feel this way …. That is a story we tell ourselves. No body makes us feel anything We make ourselves feel everything Everything comes from within From our imagination

Interesting. My ex used to be emotionally unavailable, then after we broke up he changed. He saw the value in trusting others with the deeper parts of himself. Now he is so lovely. I am proud of his change.

I never imagined that I would be in a situation where I don't realize, I can't scan that the other person doesn't want to commit, and fall for the reasons, but it did :) and it's so nice to listen to the core values I should live by and re-establish in my life. Thank you.

Great analysis and observations team Matthew. Y'all also know how difficult being objective can be when one's heart is in there. I'm glad this lady reached out to you for guidance 3 months in, before she got in too deep. I will revisit this classic guidance. Been there, got several T-shirts over several relationships- very long-term and otherwise. What is not getting taught (early enough in life) is how individuals actually feel about themselves. So often - from a young age - we end up filling a hole of "what's missing" rather than finding someone who truly compliments us. How do we teach that?

He’s not ready for a relationship, and enjoying her companionship. It doesn’t matter how much you like someone. If they don’t want to give you a relationship, you have to move on. Judge people by their actions, especially men in this day and age in the world of dating, not by their words, or their wounds or reasons. Btw, I’m loving Audrey. I am loving her energy. She seems like a kind soul.

Do not go on dating apps/websites if you are not ready to date. Full stop. Go hang out with your friends instead or be open about just looking for sex. Be respectful, be mindful. It's not that hard. *eye roll*

Thank you, crew! Loved the humor to help offset the actual pain in realizing this could possibly be true. Very helpful information!

7:00 Jameson that's just what I was saying to myself about this connection. never stay in a connection that it makes you feel bad this is what I call being in between love and letting go.

This is tough. I kind of lean towards leaving this guy behind. I have ptsd, and if I have met someone I am really into, I would go into it together 🤷‍♀️ nothing can hold me back when I have strong feelings for someone