The “glass child” idea is something I’ve described to my therapists often over the years! I didn’t realize it was a phenomenon with a name that others had been through too. I was always considered the “normal” kid, but I always struggled a lot with mental health. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 25 because nobody caught on that I was struggling my whole life because compared to my sister, my struggles were nothing. I’m sure many of us have been through similar things!

The fact that her parents checked in with her and apologized for their actions made all of the difference in her positivity and being able to let it go. Many of us don't get that lucky. That is to say, if you still feel raw about it, your feelings are valid. You do not just forgive and forget because someone told you it's a good idea to just let it go. That is toxic positivity. These things need to be grieved properly, and people need to be given time, at their own pace, to heal.

I’m a glass child. I’m 14, and my sibling is disabled. I have lived my entire life so far feeling like all I am is the sibling of a disabled individual. It’s so amazing to hear someone talk about the things I have struggled with for years.

I am a glass child. I hadn’t heard of the term before watching this talk. Thank you for making me more aware. Also, my sibling is older as well.

Such an intelligent, articulate girl! You did a great job on your talk! I know it's hard to confront all these memories... I am so sorry you had to grow up with this. I am also a glass child, and I am now 43, my "special" brother is 35, and I moved far away from home 18 years ago because I could not handle living with him and my parents and the whole chaos anymore. I am now working on myself to attain a measure of happiness after all those years of being neglected by my parents because of him. I am so glad I found your video! For anyone who thinks it's not a big deal to have a sibling with a disability and your parents giving him or her all the care and attention, it IS a big deal and we, the glass children, deserve compassion and understanding.

I’m still just hearing “handle it yourself”

I am a glass child and didn't realize it had a term. I have 2 siblings with special needs and was raised by a single mother, who always referred to as the normal one. I hated being referred to as that. I am 48 now and still do not have a 'normal' sibling relationship with my 2 siblings (50 and 46), but they have one with each other. I was so done with the chaos as a child that I moved out at 16 and then moved provinces away at 18 (the further I got the better I felt as a teenager). But now that my mom passed away I feel responsible for their well-being, so I have family who regularly checks in on them because I can't leave my life, my children, or my job. (I live 2500km away) Also, I am so jealous of the people who have relationships with their siblings, but I don't dwell on it, I focus on what it has taught me, because of it, I have been able to accomplish a lot. Thanks for giving it a name to people who didn't know it existed.

im a triplet my brother has severe disability, feel like i couldn't ask for what i wanted or more to the point needed because my single mother was so consumed with him and her business. i'm on a journey of forgiveness and self compassion right now, its been hard but I'm inspired by this video. thanks

Thank you for talking about this. I'm 38 years old and a therapist myself and this is the first time I've heard anyone talk about this. I feel very heard and understood. Thank you!

I'm 68 and my brother is 64. I recognized myselt in much of what you said, Earlier I often wondered when we would get around to discussing my difficulties. We never did.

It’s so comforting hearing an actual term for it. My little (and only) brother was sick for a while when I was a kid, my parents tried their best to be good for both of us, but when one of your kids might die or have an spontaneous internal bleeding, there’s not much you can do. He eventually recovered after years of treatment, but a couple of days ago we received the news that his rare disease had come back. He is a teenager now and I’m on my first months of university, but I still felt (and kind of feel) like that little child who was unproblematic and almost invisible, my eating disorder and emotional state is coming back because of those memories and once again I have to deal with it alone. I don’t resent anyone, but it’s hard. I know the term applies to siblings of people with special needs, but even if what my brother has is something else, I relate so much to it and it feels validating.

Sometimes I can't even bear to look at my brother, I'm 58 he's 54. Covid was disastrous.

This video made me realize how skilled my parents were with me and my siblings, I’m the youngest -“glass child”, my brother has high functioning autism and my sisters oxygen was cut off at birth just long enough to make her life very difficult. My parents were unbelievable skilled in parenting each of us exactly the way we needed, we didn’t notice how unique the situation was because it felt 100%

This was such a powerful presentation - and a great reminder to all extended families with a disabled member . We have a responsibility to support and be there for the non - disabled siblings not just to help with the disabled child.

i am a twin. my sister does not have a disability, but was still born different. she was diagnosed with lots of things from a young age and was forced to take medication and need constant help in school. My family was in and out of therapy and psychiatrist but I very rarely attended. When I did, a lot of blame was put on me for being the reason my sister acts the way she does. she would have outbursts and rebel as a child/teen. My parents were constantly focused on her and her needs. She screamed at my parents most nights so badly the cops would get called. She would get physical with my mom or run away. I sat in my room when i was younger and waited for everything to be over, until I grew up and am now the mediator of it all. My sister and I do not have a relationship and most days can’t stand the sight of each other. I love her but i don’t think we will ever have a close relationship. We are 20 years old and have never been close. But I am hopeful for the future. Great talk!!!

im a glass child im so glad that theres other people that feel this way

Well, obviously those parents did something right because for getting almost no attention growing up, this young lady has turned out seemingly incredible 👏

dear jamie, thank you for sharing your story. I myself am also a glass child and have two siblings with special needs. I have no words how liberating it is to hear others have the same thoughts as you do. I’ll also never have a regular sibling-relationship or know what that means and that hurts me often even if I love my siblings more than anything. I also would also not be the person I am today without them because they taught me very much which I am very grateful for. This topic is so important and I hope that a lot of people see this video and learn about glass children. And especially how they can influence their lives positively.

I don't quite see myself as a sibling sometimes. I feel like an actor most of the time. I play the role of the older sibling for my parents to see. And I also play the role of the younger sibling (because I am) for my autistic sister. She likes to refer to me as her little sister. Even though I'm mentally 20 years older or thereabouts. The last time I felt like a regular sibling, was when I was maybe... 9 or 10. Then I outgrew my sister mentally. And since then, I just exist in person around family. But I'm not quite emotionally invested. Because I'm totally messed up and depressed.

I am so moved by Jamie Gutenberg's TED talk and touched by her beautifully loving story about her sister and her family and her life! She has a great future ahead, I am sure!

Relatable, but I just ended up despising both my parents, sibling and to an extent disabled people in general because they probably make their family life a nightmare too.

Wow, wow, wow! You speak amazingly. I am also a glass child. Although this evening is the first time I have heard of this phrase. I am in my forties now and only just coming to some of the realisations that you have shared about living and embracing life as it is. You are amazing! I can relate to much of what you shared even though my sister has different difficulties. I want to say thank you for sharing so honestly, openly and confidently. Thank you for speaking on behalf of a largely unheard of group of people.

im so happy to see that there are other people who fells the same way I thought I was the only one

Thanks Jamie, wow you hit home oh too well. Being the youngest of two siblings with special needs, was something that was never crossed. Thank you for touch me in such an incredible way.

Beautiful TED talk. You were phenomenal

I am a glass child too and my sibiling is 4 yrs younger so when i was in the school every classmate 's partent, theacher, relative ask about him...when i went to the highschool and i changed completly the medium i lied that i m only one child even at the university and i create a fake apparence and life. now i struggle to deal with all the friends that i made in this period because they don t really know about my problems and i rearly invite someone at my home, just when i m home alone.

What an amazing TED talk speech ! Very proud of you , Jamie !

You are an impressive young woman! Your talk was truly inspiring and relatable, as a glass child and glass parent.

I totally agree, great talk. I can relate to you on so many levels. Beautifully presented!

Thank you for sharing. My middle child has severe disabilities and I am trying to understand how this must be for his two sisters.

Amazing TED talk. I am very proud of you. Great job

ignore my pfp im using my moms laptop i am a glass child i am the youngest sibling i have an older brother who has special needs whenever my brother gets mad at me randomly i am told to 'understand becouse he has special needs' we have an eight year age gap i am 10 my brother is 18 i was told to shut up whenever i talked back to my brother. it is quite hard being a glass child all my life since i am still young. i am often ignored too my brother cant go to college since he doesnt want or is too lazy to cook clean and shower we have to move since he has to go to college. whenever i talk about him and how its hard for me too i get told that i am lucky since i have a roof over my head a eat 3 meals a day.. he can yell and talk bad about me but its okay like my parents say "i have to understand since he has special needs" i am often yelled at for not understanding my brother. last year i got with high honors they just said they were happy for me and still countinoud to comfort my brother for not having the same grade as me i guess its fine since "i have to understand becouse he has special needs.

Wow interesting topic that really is never discussed! I hope this opens parents eyes with children they have with disabilities not to ignore or neglect their other kids. Unfortunately many parents will try to do it on their own instead of asking for help. There is restbite care, there are places you can take them to interact with others like them, and there are so many many resources out there. Also when they become adults you can place them in care or at home with a nurse. There are many options where the parents don't have to feel burdened. That's a big mistake that a lot of them make is that they think they have to be a super parent and that's just not the case. Gotta think of your own needs too and your other kids. Because everyone's feelings matter..

I’m 13 and I have a 17 year old brother with special needs. I have just learned what a glass child is and I have never related to anything more. My mom still checks up on me every now and then but it nothing big. Our house is being renovated so my brother is sleeping in my room (without my consent) I don’t get a proper sleep anymore because he wakes up multiple times in the night screaming and thrashing around. I don’t have a safe space to get away in my house anymore because he won’t leave my room during the day. I have also resorted to reading anything I can’t get my hands on just so I don’t have to listen to him. I have also been to Universal Studios for my 13 birthday when I was obsessed with Harry Potter. I made it painstakingly obvious that it was my birthday and he still got every attraction like Olivanders wand shop just because he was in a wheelchair he didn’t even need (he stood up in the middle of the show and asked my dad to finish it) I truly love my brother but everyone but my closest friends see straight through me.

I grew up in the same family dynamic, but we glass children really need to acknowledge that as much as we suffer, our special needs siblings are suffering too. The violent outbursts are meltdown and come from overstimulation. They don't exist don't make us better people.

Oof. This hits home. ☹️

I cried watching this, you are a beautiful strong soul❤️ Edit: heads up you might have anxious attachment style from this

This was all too real, I also believe if this is conquered, it can make glass children so strong emotionally. I grew up with so much of this raw emotion and felt it wasn’t right to direct it at my sister, or my parents who were trying their best, so I directed it at myself and it’s caused a lot of problems today. But it’s time to work through it and heal those wounds.

This is an amazing Ted Talk

Amazing! Thank you.

Omg Jamie you are amazing

❤

incredible!

I am a only child sadly I can HIGHLY relate to hiding feelings and like smiling when I'm breaking down inside. So just an look up I have not done too much research but what I have seen is like me

This is just my thoughts yes being a glass child is trauma, but no. it's not your siblings fault for being disabled. it's your parents fault for neglecting you I feel like this whole discussion on TikTok is just the product of misplaced anger and blame. like they're blaming their disabled siblings and not the parents I’m the disabled siblings, and I honestly I wasn’t the best child (seriously I wasn’t) but it’s also barriers in supports and funding that Us disabled people can’t get and I was told before by doctors in my older years, you can chose you wanted to be euthanized (specifically what’s happening now where I live in Canada), Me growing up, I wish at times I never existed because my conditions and what my brother had to endure. my sibling should never be my care taker and I won’t allow that (meaning they will never be my care taker I forbid it!!! The thing is disabled kids/people always need more attention than a regular kid just to survive, My problem with a lot of glass children is that so many use it as an excuse to use extremely ableist language. Like you can share how bad it is that Society doesn’t give families of disabled ppl the adequate resources which leads to the glass child phenomena. But it’s not an excuse to be ableist

I am a glass child. I live in the netherland. There, glass children called Brusjes. I help glasschildren and their parents at my coachingpractice (nice2bme) Unfortunately many people don't know what it means and how live as a glasschild is. I'm glad to find out this tedtalk