Dang, when he said his thoughts tell him " you're not doing it right, this is not who they want you to be" I really related :/ Negative self talk sucks. I drank and did drugs to quiet that inner voice instead of doing work to understand that voice isn't reality. Loved how you mention the inner self and you're so right, it is scary s**t. Freedom from self! Thank you for sharing your story. Wishing you a long and happy recovery, Jeremy!