Healing vs. Retaliation: Surviving Trauma and Sexual Abuse | Peter and Adenike Harris | TEDxPasadena

  Рет қаралды 149,306

TEDx Talks

TEDx Talks

5 жыл бұрын

When the tragedy of sexual abuse struck Peter (“Pops”) and his daughter Adenike (“Ade”), they were faced with two life-altering paths: retaliate against Ade’s stepfather who had repeatedly sexually assaulted her from the time she was fourteen, or choose to strengthen their own relationship. Together, the two worked to create an inspiring system of support for one another that will change the way you think about love. Affectionately known as “Popsnade,” the father/daughter allies challenge, “What do you need to begin your healing foundation? Therapy? Non-abusive allies? Whatever you choose, it will require that you dig in. It hurts, it’s tough, and it is a consistent lifestyle change. But it is so worth it.”
Peter and Adenike Harris, also known as Pops‘nAde, provide practical and loving lessons learned from years of courageous “call-and-response” dialogue that helped them heal in the years after Adenike revealed her stepfather had sexually abused her from the ages of 14 to 22. In the spirit of Lift Every Voice and Sing, Pops‘nAde reveal how they became thriving survivors through tears, candor, imagination, and even hard-won laughter. Pops‘nAde are 21st Century Conversation Starters and Healing Partners with a dynamic message: “We’re all worth healing and no silence is good that keeps you from talking to people who can help you.” Pops‘nAde are living examples, whose powerful service offers a roadmap to rich, loving, and inspiring non-abusive relationships. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

Пікірлер: 241
@miarideout5401
@miarideout5401 3 жыл бұрын
What I get tired of people telling us is to move on. Forget about it when they have no idea how hard it is and that people heal differently
@myyoutubeaccount12111
@myyoutubeaccount12111 Жыл бұрын
You may not want to hear it but, take it from me, facing it and moving on is the best. Better than years of rehashing it in therapy. God can help you.
@Addease
@Addease Жыл бұрын
I’m glad they will never have to understand and am so thankful for the ones that do understand
@miarideout5401
@miarideout5401 Жыл бұрын
@@myyoutubeaccount12111 I’m actually doing a whole lot better now that time has passed
@myyoutubeaccount12111
@myyoutubeaccount12111 Жыл бұрын
@@miarideout5401 sooooo happy to hear that. ❤️❤️
@Dayglodaydreams
@Dayglodaydreams Жыл бұрын
I’m glad you are doing better. I used to be so angry about it, then I started living in the present, and not looking back on it. That helped.
@zoyamirza8978
@zoyamirza8978 4 жыл бұрын
"My daughter asked me to be my daddy not my avenger" that spoke volumes
@kristinmeyer489
@kristinmeyer489 3 жыл бұрын
I would want someone to be my avenger to prove they valued my life. I might not want a close relationship to be sacrificed this way, but the lazy complacent authorities could prove they give a damn about the reason they exist in the first place.
@deysilocacrazylocadia4989
@deysilocacrazylocadia4989 11 ай бұрын
Not 😢all people have this father!
@zoyamirza8978
@zoyamirza8978 11 ай бұрын
@@kristinmeyer489 I'm not saying that they shouldn't do anything to get u justice but the reality is that in our world especially focus a lot on the culprit in a way that it overshadows the victims mental health.
@IrinaTrustsGod
@IrinaTrustsGod 3 жыл бұрын
It's so unique to hear a father's perspective. It's really brave to assist a daughter's healing.
@IrinaTrustsGod
@IrinaTrustsGod Жыл бұрын
@@Truthseeker7771000 It is natural of a true father and still very honorable. Amazing, actually.
@IrinaTrustsGod
@IrinaTrustsGod Жыл бұрын
@@Truthseeker7771000 I didn't disagree.
@user-fw1bo8in7f
@user-fw1bo8in7f 9 ай бұрын
Hearing “you’ve reclaimed your life now live your life” immediately put tears in my eyes it’s something I didn’t know I needed to hear
@Rachel-qf3kv
@Rachel-qf3kv 3 жыл бұрын
"Healing cannot be rushed" 🌱 Extremely powerful. Btw love, those men lost out on a beautiful, intelligent young woman.
@marcleon1513
@marcleon1513 3 жыл бұрын
As a man, I give this man credit for standing down and listening to his daughter. I often wonder if I would be able to do the same thing if something ever happened to my goddaughter.
@MeruJoy
@MeruJoy 8 ай бұрын
You have to
@4LLT0G3TH3R
@4LLT0G3TH3R 5 ай бұрын
​@@MeruJoy yes
@user-uc4yc4qp8d
@user-uc4yc4qp8d 11 күн бұрын
My father couldn’t hear any healing . He believed full silence and just put up with it
@JolynJessica
@JolynJessica 8 ай бұрын
The light of these two shines through my screen right into my heart. What a great father and what a strong beautiful woman. I wish her love and healing.
@gillianedwards8773
@gillianedwards8773 3 жыл бұрын
"My father reset the standard of masculine connection and communication in my life" Wow powerful!!
@pennyc11
@pennyc11 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you dad. My father is gone now. He helped me try to prosecute my mothers boyfriend. Law enforcement made up for another officer's lack of training. I'm okay. Days are hard but I lived my life without the shadow of his ugliness. Every good day. Free day from oppression is a victory. I had a happiness those criminals will never know again.
@georgebabaeng8060
@georgebabaeng8060 4 жыл бұрын
This is a story that needs to be told in our community so that our women and men can begin the healing that is necessary for our community to thrive in unity; men and women living in community together without the conflicts and contradictions that come from trauma that has been silenced by fear and stigma. Although vengeance wasn't enacted here I would have like to see some restorative justrice intervention that would held the abuser to account.
@dolliel13
@dolliel13 3 күн бұрын
I just sent this to my parents. They're going to watch it together when they get a chance. If you're seeing this, mom and dad. I love you. It's been about 5 days since the incident, and it's been about a week long nightmare. I can't feel the difference between nightmares in sleep and the one I'm living while awake. Please pray for us. Thank you.
@xosommi
@xosommi 5 жыл бұрын
I’m happy you had support through this! My family doesn’t care...
@frenchla1000
@frenchla1000 4 жыл бұрын
Sommi T do you have someone to talk to ? Therapist?
@melissaoconnell5648
@melissaoconnell5648 4 жыл бұрын
I'm sorry you're not feeling supported Sommi T. and hope you're seeking support. I, too am grateful for Pops'Ade's example for what is possible. It's a challenge to reach out for help when those who're closest to you become more of a barrier to healing. It may not be easy, yet it can get better with the right support and redeveloping trust with yourself. 🙏💕
@Letters2indigo
@Letters2indigo 4 жыл бұрын
I am Here for you
@mayadowe6000
@mayadowe6000 3 жыл бұрын
I care and I love you 💕 my you truthfully heal.
@ProdJamesCultz
@ProdJamesCultz 3 жыл бұрын
Same here we can support each other if you like most times it seems like that but if you keep it a secret no one will know it’s not that they don’t care and if so it still made us better people
@fairy_creations3804
@fairy_creations3804 4 жыл бұрын
I’m sobbing. Thank you! I haven’t told my father yet and I’m terrified. I don’t want him to blame himself. He’s an amazing person. I love him so f*cking much. I don’t know how I’m going to tell him but I will. 💕
@JadetheGoober
@JadetheGoober 4 жыл бұрын
They will always react that way because they love us. He will do what you tell him will work best to heal you. I love you, fam. God bless you.
@tanushukla8833
@tanushukla8833 3 жыл бұрын
Yes Girl.
@JustKellyVaughn-CreatedbyGod
@JustKellyVaughn-CreatedbyGod 3 жыл бұрын
You CAN do this and you are strong. You are a survivor, not a victim anymore, just decide and you got support!!!
@aditipandey4558
@aditipandey4558 2 жыл бұрын
Have u told ?? No offense if u don't want to share.
@snowcountry322
@snowcountry322 2 жыл бұрын
👍🏻
@JadetheGoober
@JadetheGoober 4 жыл бұрын
These comments are so supportive and loving. Tbh im starting to believe predators seek out good hearted people on purpose.
@rechaelandrea
@rechaelandrea 5 жыл бұрын
Thank you Sister! And your Dad! I'm finally going through the process of convicting my Stepfather and my own Dad is my biggest supporter.
@lilianaruiz549
@lilianaruiz549 4 жыл бұрын
Ilana Mumia how did the conviction go? Is it a long process I to am thinking of pressing charges on my abuser. But I really dread the process..
@aliciapettis1519
@aliciapettis1519 4 жыл бұрын
Awww This is so sad
@Cloudwatchergirly
@Cloudwatchergirly Жыл бұрын
Super proud of her dad! Let the cops do their job, even though it’s hard. He’s a great dad!
@zoyamirza8978
@zoyamirza8978 4 жыл бұрын
when she said " my experience is not unusual " 💔💔💔💔
@litestreamer
@litestreamer 7 ай бұрын
What a beautiful relationship between this daughter and father, and a great story of redemption, love and healing. They both have an amazing presence.
@sarahmasters4759
@sarahmasters4759 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you, Daddy, for listening to your daughter. I told my daughter , after being violated, you were victimized but you are NOT a victim today. Your message was powerful!
@latoyawolfe2572
@latoyawolfe2572 Жыл бұрын
Finding the right people to journey with me is the most painful traumatic and exhausting experience that it makes healing harder to gain
@sarahsmith3302
@sarahsmith3302 2 жыл бұрын
How he looks at her while they recall the memory..felt the love between them! Beautiful 💕
@raynalomker3073
@raynalomker3073 2 жыл бұрын
Had to pause halfway and cry a bit. Definitely stirred up lots of emotions and repressed stuff. Really inspiring message. Definitely looking at things better.
@theresawatson9075
@theresawatson9075 Жыл бұрын
Way to go girl! I'm a survivor too! I chose to be well also, without help from family.
@lisafletcher8676
@lisafletcher8676 2 жыл бұрын
Thanks for sharing even hearing a father standing with his daughter throught this difficult times says to us who have been abused that all men are not beast but there is still good fathers
@jdub0107
@jdub0107 5 жыл бұрын
You both are amazing role models full of courage. Thank you for sharing your story
@BL-sd2qw
@BL-sd2qw Ай бұрын
You don't need to keep going, you need for the world to stop with you. Telling a victim/survivor to "move on" is just a "nice" version of "don't bother me with your problems", which only shows complete and utter lack of care for the other person's internal experience and wellbeing.
@milliewoo337
@milliewoo337 2 жыл бұрын
They are both such a beautiful depiction of kindness, healing and bravery. They turned this into such an empowering story of what the human experience can be
@snoop9581
@snoop9581 Жыл бұрын
This was so beautiful. As a father myself watching him grow along with you during your time of crisis and being not only your dad but a friend also is amazing. I love this. I pray for continued guidance, healing and strength for the both of you.
@annakachur8352
@annakachur8352 Жыл бұрын
I'm crying as I watch this and feel a sense of releif from not being alone. It is so important to choose with whom to share right. You absolutely right.
@lovelyjbowden
@lovelyjbowden 3 жыл бұрын
I love you both 💗 I prayed for a parent like him to protect me. Thank u for listening to her. I will continue to pray for the right person to come into my life that will hear my heart and not just my story.
@JoseHernandez-oz5qe
@JoseHernandez-oz5qe Жыл бұрын
For all men out there’s. You are not alone. I survived and you will too. Stay strong
@umapuma
@umapuma 3 жыл бұрын
so beautiful to see this two. my father was always the kindest and most supportive person in my life, you just remembered me that
@allcitizenschurch1
@allcitizenschurch1 2 жыл бұрын
This young lady is amazing. Peter's perspective and choice to stand down is amazing.
@victoriacarter7426
@victoriacarter7426 2 жыл бұрын
😭😭😭😭😭 So moving and powerful. I wish I had someone like this in my life, when I was experiencing and healing from my SA trauma.
@samarnold1839
@samarnold1839 2 ай бұрын
I have so much respect for the two of you rn. For her to stand there, being so brave and so confident. What a STRONG woman. And her father. I can relate, so hard. He gave words to my feelings, and direction for my mind. Plus, I l9ve his taste in music
@tamekaannnewton7761
@tamekaannnewton7761 5 жыл бұрын
Powerful!! I am so proud of Adenike!!! Honored to call you sister-friend!!
@Soulfolder
@Soulfolder Жыл бұрын
So powerful. The energy they are radiating is incredible. So much honesty, vulnerability and connection. Thank you, it’s healing me.
@reneegonzales8376
@reneegonzales8376 Жыл бұрын
This was exactly what I needed to hear. I know my bio father, who I have nothing to do with, will not be my rider and live buddy. However, I have a beautiful friend who is by my side! I’m saddened that I had no family member who thought I was worthy enough to get angry, saddened over, or want to hurt my predator. I wouldn’t want them to act on it but to atleast feel angry or hurt for me, instead of silence. I know Jesus Christ loves me and was/is saddened for me. I am now starting to heal
@jennajoseph893
@jennajoseph893 10 ай бұрын
Sending you love my dear Sibling in Christ!!! 💖💖💖💖💖💖
@pluckybellhop66
@pluckybellhop66 Жыл бұрын
It's a good thing they have this but I feel jealous of their relationship and it hurts. My dad didn't take it well and was more angry at me than the guy who drugged me, especially when his girlfriend suggested that I had an agenda and he started bringing his preferential treatment for his gf into my healing process. Everyone keeps telling me to forgive forgive forgive but I feel like I'm being stolen from again when people take my anger away too. It'll fade with time but I'm scared to go through this whole healing process for the 3rd time.
@pluckybellhop66
@pluckybellhop66 Жыл бұрын
I'm in this weird stage where I only trust people who are angry with me and feed my anger and I'm not ok with it, this isnt who I am.
@dodiemuassa8895
@dodiemuassa8895 2 ай бұрын
I want to give you a warm hug. I was silent about mine and it came from church. God bless you, beautiful woman. I love you🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿💜💜💜💜
@drpatgay
@drpatgay 5 жыл бұрын
Choosing to be well. Thank you both.
@user-no3to2mn3l
@user-no3to2mn3l 7 ай бұрын
still healing … my anger has gotten worse .. on Dec 20 .. it will officially be 1 year since it happened… I’m trying .. it’s hard . But I’ll keep trying and trying till I reach for the light at the end
@marenvanwinkle7851
@marenvanwinkle7851 Ай бұрын
I realize this is 5 years old but THANK YOU for posting this❤
@jameswaters3599
@jameswaters3599 3 жыл бұрын
Wow! So empowering! Thank you for helping me live through this... so I might help my child heal as this father did.
@preciousone9377
@preciousone9377 4 жыл бұрын
I’m so happy they found their path to healing and recommitting to the father/daughter bond. Thank you sharing such a difficult piece of your life, it’s inspiring and encouraging for those dealing with same or similar issues. God bless the rest of your journey collectively and individually.
@lauramena5662
@lauramena5662 Жыл бұрын
This is the most genuine bond I've ever seen!
@saidatoke3124
@saidatoke3124 2 жыл бұрын
Adenike, I wish you so much love and joy for the rest of your life. Your dad is amazing. I still miss my dad who died twelve years ago.
@skyylea9859
@skyylea9859 3 жыл бұрын
It’s a blessing you had/have support . My uncle got away with so you’re lucky ! I’m happy for you
@lucyjordan3124
@lucyjordan3124 3 жыл бұрын
My heart is with you Adenike - and Pops in your support of your daughter. Thank you wholeheartedly for your honesty and wisdom.
@tuneshaedmondson4137
@tuneshaedmondson4137 4 ай бұрын
What a profound story thank you for finding the courage to speak out on your pain an anguish we all go through things in life but we never know that the same thing God will lead us to build us up😊❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
@torianajones6349
@torianajones6349 5 жыл бұрын
I love this and I love you both! I have watched this three times and each time I've heard something that I hadn't heard before. The reminder of having a choice always sticks out. I love you Ade.
@yarngalatownsend5789
@yarngalatownsend5789 4 жыл бұрын
Beautiful does not describe this💕💕💕💕 You will never know the courage listening to this gave me...
@julianariley3395
@julianariley3395 2 жыл бұрын
This is an amazing story❤️ my family tells me not to talk about it because people won't understand and they will just look down upon me.... Those I have chosen to lean on have been amazing
@InpuTTang
@InpuTTang 5 жыл бұрын
poignant and powerful telling of the journey!!! thank you!!! especially for your use of art as tool for healing
@vkali9245
@vkali9245 5 жыл бұрын
That was abSOlutely masterful. Your choosing TO BE well, is the reflection of GAWD WORKING THROUGH ALL HUMANS. Thank youse for witnessing and testifying on the POWER OF POSSIBILITY~
@manishamusic
@manishamusic 5 жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing - together - the story of your journey together. It's also rare to get a glimpse of the perspective of someone whose friend or loved one has experienced such a violation. It's wonderful to be reminded that the journey of healing for each person is unique. A powerful telling of your opening, your imagining, your choosing, your moving through, your reclamation.
@pia_om
@pia_om 9 ай бұрын
So glad for you Ade
@SaraHartHolistic
@SaraHartHolistic 2 жыл бұрын
This was so powerful and healing... thank you for sharing 💗 To see such a genuine and authentic relationship between a daughter and father is something new for me. So grateful to know it’s possible 💞
@1Lightdancer
@1Lightdancer 4 жыл бұрын
Such a powerful, important healing story! Thank you ❤
@melissaoconnell5648
@melissaoconnell5648 4 жыл бұрын
Thank you for living an example I hope more can benefit from witnessing and following. Moving and beautiful - filled with serious surrender, call and response to action, engaging full attention to connective communication........let alone all the attention taken for self-care - with individual and mutually unifying work focusing on the deepest, most honest, integrity, love and hope. All that journeying in one lifetime. Beyond inspiring.
@TheeFitFlightAttendantDee
@TheeFitFlightAttendantDee 5 жыл бұрын
Simply amazing and eloquent!! Thank you both so much pops n Ade.
@lolmac6456
@lolmac6456 3 жыл бұрын
You two are such beautiful people, thank you so much for your words, your experience and your courage. You've helped me beyond measure. You are an amazing, inspirational woman, and have the most wonderful father 🙏❤️
@manovnanarcisse7266
@manovnanarcisse7266 Жыл бұрын
This is the most beautiful TedTalk that I've ever seen
@Diana-ux1du
@Diana-ux1du 3 жыл бұрын
Omg im crying ! You both are really amazing 😭💕 thanks for sharing 🙏🏻
@jewel6787
@jewel6787 Жыл бұрын
I’m so glad you have been on the road to healing and that your father has been by your side. When I told my father what my stepfather had done, he “acted” angry. I know it was an act because he later did the same thing.
@blazemusing5491
@blazemusing5491 Жыл бұрын
Sorry you were betrayed and hurt in that we. Please seek support on your road to healing.
@meganbowman4747
@meganbowman4747 Жыл бұрын
Heartwrenching, lovely and inspirational all at once. Delivered by two honorable and courageous individuals.
@cindynguyen8982
@cindynguyen8982 5 жыл бұрын
so powerful. thank you
@charlottewolfe9524
@charlottewolfe9524 4 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much, all the best xxx
@greenpea889
@greenpea889 2 жыл бұрын
I’m crying, so beautiful
@cpbeauvoir
@cpbeauvoir 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you both for sharing your story. How powerful it is to have your father stand beside you ❤
@palapalak.8907
@palapalak.8907 11 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing. Very uplifting and encouraging. Kept the focus on you. Amazing.
@danaguyer8863
@danaguyer8863 3 жыл бұрын
This is so beautiful! Thank you for sharing!
@JustKellyVaughn-CreatedbyGod
@JustKellyVaughn-CreatedbyGod 3 жыл бұрын
Beautiful and inspiring for MANY, thank you for this, both of ya'll!!!
@dodiemuassa8895
@dodiemuassa8895 2 ай бұрын
SQUEAZING VICTORY OUT OF A NEGATIVE SITUATION!!!!!!! Yes GOD!!!! I need to forgive
@tvm-growthisunlimited9023
@tvm-growthisunlimited9023 2 жыл бұрын
Empathy for your experience. Awesome unity of you both and effective presentation!
@adjoachilds6074
@adjoachilds6074 Жыл бұрын
Tears. Appreciation.
@janellelopez6784
@janellelopez6784 Жыл бұрын
thank you both for sharing your story. never cried so much during a Tedx Talks. I needed this. thank you.
@pattispassion
@pattispassion 2 жыл бұрын
Magnificent and Powerful. Thanks to you both.
@matthewirvin6505
@matthewirvin6505 3 жыл бұрын
That man is strong and so is she. She ia beautiful
@caughtmeontheflip
@caughtmeontheflip 4 ай бұрын
u are not defined by the worst that you’ve experienced
@keyfield8967
@keyfield8967 2 жыл бұрын
WOW!! Bravo!! I watched from beginning to end then repeated. Very 'productive' for me. Thank you!!
@jacquidanke1263
@jacquidanke1263 9 ай бұрын
YOU ARE AN ISPIRATION TO ME. GOD BLESS YOU BOTH IN YOUR JOURNEY FORWARD!
@supernaturalvictorieswithsunny
@supernaturalvictorieswithsunny Жыл бұрын
🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 I’m healing, my family and the world knows 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 Healing can’t be rushed.
@cinnabun715
@cinnabun715 Жыл бұрын
This was amazing! I love pops ❤everyone needs someone like him in their days ❤
@thatmombielife
@thatmombielife Жыл бұрын
This is family. This is beautiful.
@Hafizasaim
@Hafizasaim 22 күн бұрын
I m in tears listening their talk
@user-py8hs5od4q
@user-py8hs5od4q 3 жыл бұрын
This is very strong and fascinating... Thanks for that story 🙏
@healingsacredfeminine
@healingsacredfeminine 2 жыл бұрын
Sooo powerful and inspiring. Thank you for sharing this.
@alexandersstudio3145
@alexandersstudio3145 10 ай бұрын
Gf went through stuff like this, so I'm about to watch all of the videos so I can try to help her with it
@BWills953
@BWills953 5 ай бұрын
Thank you. Please do, and please don't marry her if you don't understand the emotional instability that comes with it.. pls listen to her, she's broken now....let her heal before you marry her. We are one of the most loving people when healed. Also, please learn how to handle conflict before you get married. It will help you guys.
@lauramapani3627
@lauramapani3627 5 ай бұрын
Thats amazing!
@Amanuensis8
@Amanuensis8 5 жыл бұрын
Still mining the Genetic Dancers legacy, Peter Harris is a treasure. GWC Museum at Tuskegee is indeed inspiring. Carver, like P&A, survived and triumphed.
@PriceOfSalmonIsOutOfControl
@PriceOfSalmonIsOutOfControl Жыл бұрын
This is so beautiful and lifted me up today god bless both of them - quiet a few amazing things I gained from this video
@samanthaalexander3057
@samanthaalexander3057 3 жыл бұрын
what a woman and what a man too. Proud of the both of you!
@beautybombmom
@beautybombmom 2 жыл бұрын
This really touched my heart. Thank you so much for sharing your story
@l3l3Cakes
@l3l3Cakes 5 жыл бұрын
Beautiful 🙏🏾
@JessicaORENDER
@JessicaORENDER Жыл бұрын
I filed a police report and the police department said they were too busy with other cases and since I was no longer living with my abuser they dropped the case.
@itsekaterina646
@itsekaterina646 5 жыл бұрын
💚 this. Thank you
@SheidaRad
@SheidaRad Жыл бұрын
Amazing story! I had goosebumps thinking about my own father
@waynemichaellindeman667
@waynemichaellindeman667 Жыл бұрын
Beautiful heart in this woman.
@kiranchudasama2724
@kiranchudasama2724 Жыл бұрын
Choose to be well ❤️ thankyou so much
@lolyband
@lolyband 5 жыл бұрын
amazing healing
Vivaan  Tanya once again pranked Papa 🤣😇🤣
00:10
seema lamba
Рет қаралды 28 МЛН
Получилось у Вики?😂 #хабибка
00:14
ХАБИБ
Рет қаралды 6 МЛН
How to talk to the worst parts of yourself | Karen Faith | TEDxKC
14:32
I Am Not A Monster: Schizophrenia | Cecilia McGough | TEDxPSU
14:41