Her Dark Reality After “Escaping Polygamy” ft.
Рет қаралды 150,132
Күн бұрынFrom the TV show “Escaping Polygamy”, Amanda Rae is known for calling out The Order, which is the incestuous polygamous cult she was born and raised in. She goes into depth on her channel about the stories of the men who have nearly 200 children with multiple women. However, everyone is dying to know how SHE has been coping since escaping the cult at 18 years old. We explore the all-too-common toxic relationship dynamics that can result from leaving a high-control group and how to find a healthy relationship.
Click here for our live together exploring birth defects as a result of incestuous polygamy
kzfaq.infoGiehjQyJmds?...
Click here to watch the live we did on Amanda’s channel
kzfaq.infoaEKKiM08...
Find Amanda!
KZfaq: @TheAmandaRaeGrant
IG: @amandaraegrant
Resources for help leaving polygamy
holdingouthelp.org/
www.hopeafterpolygamy.org/
Click below to JOIN US on an amazing C2C vacation!
my.trovatrip.com/public/l/sur...
Support Shelise
Any donations are welcome and appreciated to support the making of this podcast
Patreon
/ cultstoconsciousness
Venmo @sheliseann
Find Shelise on Social media!
Instagram @cultstoconsciousness
/ cultstoconsiousness
Host Instagram @sheliseann
/ sheliseann
TikTok @cults.to.consciousness
/ cults.to.consciousness
Twitter @cultstocon
/ cultstocon
Chapter Markers
00:00:00 Intro
00:03:35 Viewers of Escaping Polygamy asking Amanda what happened to her husband
00:08:02 "Getting direction" on who a girl needs to marry at 8
00:08:46 Amanda and her then boyfriend had just left The Order when they filmed the pilot episode
00:10:40 Culty tendencies Amanda still has years after The Order
00:13:50 Amanda felt like she lost herself
00:17:21 Why would Amanda's (ex) husband leave the order if he agreed with the morals and values?
00:21:43 Amanda's psychology in wanting to get married at 18 after leaving the Order
00:31:54 Amanda's advice regrets from Escaping Polygamy
00:39:25 Amanda moved from Utah to Sin City. One extreme to the next
00:41:04 Dating life (good and bad) after her divorce
00:51:05 Gaslighting, narcissists and lies. Oh my!
00:55:46 Amanda's current relationship with her mom
00:57:27 We accept the love we think we deserve
01:01:57 Amanda is dating someone!
01:06:43 Find and support Amanda!
01:08:50 Linda, Listen
Theme Song Produced and Composed by Christian Guevara
*Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. This storytelling podcast is meant to be for entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice. We may discuss triggering topics and we ask that you make your personal mental health a priority. Lastly, the opinions of our guests do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the host.*
@geedee2682 9 ай бұрын
Um, I used to work in a dental office in Riverton, Utah and I was highly suspicious of two families coming in being kingstons and I think she just confirmed it 🤯🤯🤯
@j4513 2 күн бұрын
I believe it. I live in Riverton, Utah!
@bookworm1956 9 ай бұрын
About two-timing boyfriends: a girl I know picked up another girl through a car sharing app for a cross country trip. They didn't know each other at all, but they got on well and chatted about their lives. Slowly, they came to realise that their respective boyfriends had a lot of similarities. Too many similarities. They told the guy's name, birth date and even names of other family members to make sure. Turns out, they were dating the same guy. And he had proposed to both of them, pressuring them for children, when they both weren't ready. So they went round to his house together and confronted him. And then he had no girlfriends anymore... 😂😂
@CultstoConsciousness 9 ай бұрын
That is wild!!! That would make for a good movie. What are the odds?!
@okiedokieartichokie772 9 ай бұрын
Something similar happened to my cousin. Her fiance was engaged to another girl the next town over AND MARRIED to another girl one more town over and they all found out about eachother through friends of friends. They had a fun little intervention when he got home from work and found all three of them waiting for him. Must be fun getting dumped and divorced all at once.
@AnitaSouthall 9 ай бұрын
@@okiedokieartichokie772what are the odds, that's insane. How does one guy get the time to be that busy? Or afford to date and be married too?
@wd3987 8 ай бұрын
@AnitaSouthall well hopefully he has to pay lots of alimony
@bookworm1956 8 ай бұрын
@@wd3987 well, no, nobody was actually married and there were no children.
@sandracampbell4708 9 ай бұрын
Not only is it legal for kids to get married as long as they have their parents signatures, but people argue against it all over the country. They call it parents rights. That's a load of crap. It should be illegal.
@nickywal 9 ай бұрын
It truly scared me to learn several US states have no lower age limit with parental force, lets face it its not consent. Meanwhile even Saudi Arabia said both parties had to be 18 several years ago, of course that's probably not widely enforced but one of the most misogynistic countries on the planet is actively trying to move forward.
@lindatannock 9 ай бұрын
@nickywal it's 16 in the UK
@nickywal 9 ай бұрын
@@lindatannockEven then, I'm in Belfast, I have basically never heard of anyone being married at 16. It would be very unusual, maybe more strict Catholic families. Or of course we do know there are issues with certain communities of incestuous marriage and possible underage marriage
@calinasagilitypartner4444 9 ай бұрын
One correction. They argue that ALLOWING their kids to get married is parents rights. They argue FOR kids to get married.
@calinasagilitypartner4444 9 ай бұрын
@@nickywal my parents are from Belfast, N. Ireland!
@tweetscotchy1093 9 ай бұрын
Amanda’s husband never deconstructed from the cult even though he “left”. Thanks for telling your story, Amanda.
@Shalomjoyyy 9 ай бұрын
Exactly what I was thinking. There’s a huuuuge difference between leaving a cult/religion and deconstructing from it!!
@telasims233 9 ай бұрын
I don't really blame him, because also IT WAS ALL HE KNEW... they do have a special bond, and I believe the Lord puts people in your path for a reason, they escaped together, and that's HUGE, and such a blessing, but, Amanda wasn't evolved enough to see it as a blessing, and be engaged for a year, she felt so obligated, still clinging to each other.. neither had time to grow.. they just grew up, it's not anyone's fault, but you really can't cling to a cult member when you want out.
@nickywal 8 ай бұрын
@@telasims233So does that include Daniel nearly beating multiple daughters to death? Michelle's dad beating a baby to death and forcing his wife/niece to take the fall and for that matter Paul backing all of this despite the fact it was his own daughter?
@deannapowell7237 9 ай бұрын
OMG, I was raised in an ultra conservative Evangelical Christian home with a patriarchal father. I can totally relate. I've been married and divorced 3 times, and I have no regrets divorcing all 3. In my 40s now I am now what's called a "single mom by choice" and have a bio daughter by IVF with donor sperm (she has 10 donor siblings that we stay in touch with and they're growing up together) and then I became a foster mom and adopted 2 siblings from foster care, open adoption with their bio families. I have NEVER been happier in my entire life. So proud of Amanda. She is so inspiring, and all of the work she has done to become the best version of herself.....she should be so proud!! I love her.
@CultstoConsciousness 9 ай бұрын
Yaaaas! Thanks for sharing!!
@nickywal 9 ай бұрын
You might want to look at ex-fundie diaries, they grew up in a similar situation, married someone who wasn't from the church but realised they made better parents separately I think last year, and they have talked about a lot of similar thing. Ellie uses they/she I think
@deannapowell7237 9 ай бұрын
@@nickywal I love the exfundie diaries!
@daniellewillis2767 8 ай бұрын
You sound like an amazing, indomitable spirit...Just curious, was your Dad against women getting a college education?
@deannapowell7237 8 ай бұрын
@daniellewillis2767 let's put it this way. He didn't save for my college education, and he almost Forbid me from taking out any kind of student loan. I moved out when I was 18 and started working right away. I still have no college degree, but I do work in real estate and do well. I'm single (divorced a few times, only got married because he told me I was living in sin with my boyfriends) and he still feels like I belong to him, and I have to ask his permission to do things. I'm 47 years old! Lol
@annewrites...8385 9 ай бұрын
Ladies, please note that narcissists LOOK for women who are agreeable, conscientious and innocent. The most beautiful human beings get caught out because they don't realise narcissists are looking for them. You are love... and they are a love-free zone. Their plan is to empty you and fill you with themselves. Well done for walking away and sharing your stories.
@PandoraSpring 9 ай бұрын
This is soooo true. I was one of those innocent, somewhat naive people that got caught up with and married a narcissist. I have since divorced him (my choice as I realized I was in a toxic relationship and it was hurting me and my kids) but the scars remain. I am currently single by choice and life is ok.
@user-lg3rx2ko5g 5 ай бұрын
Omg this is such a concise explanation of how predatory the nature of narc abuse is. Saving this. Thank u
@zippymacadoo6336 9 ай бұрын
There is no shame in divorce. I had a starter husband. He was a narcissist just like my Mother. I was 21 and I was an idiot! It was a life learning experience.
@myrandapistokache6653 9 ай бұрын
It’s not funny and I’m so sorry you went thru that but I did laugh at “starter husband” 😂
@hahafalseflag5090 9 ай бұрын
"Starter Husband" lol
@simoneholenstein6977 9 ай бұрын
„starter husband“ is a great way to put it 😂 but don‘t put yourself down please - I was 22 when I moved in with my narc ex who was just like my father. he exploited all the things about my character that are good and kind and I‘m sure that‘s similar for all of us who went through a relationship like this. rather than becoming smarter, I think I grew wiser about who deserves the best of me and who deserves to be kept at arms length 😊 I was lucky btw - I did not get married to the guy 😅 all the best to you ❤
@starlingswallow 9 ай бұрын
I was 24 with my starter husband narcissist 😢 I felt soooo stupid! But, we've learned SO much by going through it! Freedom is sweet!!!
@zippymacadoo6336 9 ай бұрын
I don't denigrate myself about this! I learned some incredibly important things about myself and the world. I bailed at 25 and knew so much more about who I was and who I wanted to be. I pity him for the person his father made him into. Do I have triggers? Yep. Do I know what they are and why? For the most part and I'm learning every day. I am who I am due to my life experiences, and I think I'm pretty dang awesome. And so are you all! 😘😎 Laughter is a gift we share, and I love making people laugh 😃
@sweetlorikeet 9 ай бұрын
"All you need is love - is not true" THANK YOU, AMANDA! It drives me up the wall seeing so many people double down on relationships that make them miserable because they love each other. You can love someone and not be good for each other. You can love someone who is bad for you - you can even be loved in return and still have them be bad for you! You can have people who love each other but want fundamentally incompatible things from life. It's ok to choose health and safety and happiness over love.
@nickywal 9 ай бұрын
Yup not a romantic relationship, but I've been there with a friendship that was incredibly toxic and codependent for both of us. It took me stepping away for several weeks and realising this just isn't healthy, I care about her a lot but its not ok
@Jonibaloneyji 9 ай бұрын
Her self awareness and willingness to take responsibility for her healing is so amazing! It's people like all you guys that change the world! Thank you! Infinite gratitude to you all!
@CultstoConsciousness 9 ай бұрын
❤️❤️❤️
@user-lg3rx2ko5g 5 ай бұрын
Couldn’t agree more👏💓
@DrottningStina 9 ай бұрын
Amanda said: "those red flags were so beautiful" and that, to me, was the most perfect description I've ever heard of why us damaged people get hooked up with narcissists over and over again. This conversation you're having is so enlightening and educating. Great! Thank you for this episode and for your work.
@lunaremus 9 ай бұрын
I am glad Amanda put that boundary in place. While she is so personable and is open with her thoughts and experiences it is important to respect other's boundaries.
@sunflowersaturday4588 9 ай бұрын
Excellent video. And Amanda, I think that those people who said you would be divorced in 5 years are doing nothing but highlighting the tough life position that they have put you in - they haven’t taught you how to look for healthy people, and they have left you unsupported looking for family.
@zoinks2607 9 ай бұрын
Absolutely this
@Beginnerreadsthebible 9 ай бұрын
LOVE to see Jonathan being an excellent example of what a strong, respectful man looks and sounds like ❤ a lot of people new to "the outside world" have no idea what a healthy relationship should look like ❤
@hailyjohnson407 9 ай бұрын
I love getting to hear so much about her happiness and the change in her life since leaving. This episode was beautiful!
@Valiant.Unicorn 9 ай бұрын
Oh so fun, like friends hanging out! Love Amanda❤. I remember watching her marriage, and i would tell myself "Val dont say anything😅her husband is also family"...(I'm Hansen/Kingston) Happy she got out of that marriage, and our family's cult. Amanda is proof you can grow into the person you want to be🦄
@jrr7312 9 ай бұрын
I’ve loved listening to Amanda and her story about leaving The Order! I’m so glad she (and all of the other survivors of the cult) came out on the other side and survived. It’s disgusting how much the Kingston men and the other men in the cult have gotten away with. In my opinion, this cult would make a good Netflix documentary so more awareness is raised.
@CultstoConsciousness 9 ай бұрын
Absolutely!
@southbug27 9 ай бұрын
It’s disgusting how the Utah government & federal government turn a blind eye to all the sexual abuse, domestic violence, even welfare & tax fraud because they don’t want to give Mormonism a bad rap too. Tough crap. If you believe your religion is real than you should be willing to stand up to scrutiny & take down anyone who is abusing people by using your religion or parts of your religion.
@yallvoir 9 ай бұрын
Most people who marry expect to be happy. A friend, not in any religion or cult, cried when she received her divorce decree from her extremely abusive ex-husband. She explained it beautifully saying, "I am not mourning the loss of my marriage, I am mourning the loss of the dream."
@jennysmith1468 9 ай бұрын
I come from being brought up as a jehovahs witnesses and although there are differences there are also so many similarities with the order and mormons . I came across this channel recently which led me to Amanda and i am hooked watching the videos on both! Just want to say Amanda i cant imagine still being with my boyfriend from age 17 for 7yrs , so as we grow up we change and grow and no wonder you changed your mindset and decided you wanted a better life for yourself and not willing to be treated as a lesser individual instead of an equal. A strong single woman is a better than a miserable married one!❤
@katwitanruna 9 ай бұрын
My mother stayed with my father five years longer than she would have because his mother told her “You made your bed, you lay in it” and she didn’t want to talk to her parents because her father had to sign for her at 18 to get married (Tennessee used to require parental permission until you were 21). It’s better to divorce than suffer.
@lindatannock 9 ай бұрын
Parental permission until you're 21?! Wow
@katwitanruna 9 ай бұрын
@@lindatannock She got married in 1960 when women couldn’t have separate bank accounts or charge cards without male permission.
@katwitanruna 9 ай бұрын
@@lindatannock the old days were not the better days
@nickywal 9 ай бұрын
This was sadly too common in the past, thankfully most attitudes have gotten better but some people do still get this response. At least women/AFAB people generally have more ability to get themselves help and get out
@_Morgan.G 9 ай бұрын
Shelise and Amanda- Thank you for giving hope to all of us, even those who hadn’t grown up in a cult but experienced a traumatic upbringing. You are true “wonder women” and absolute rockstars for sharing your truth💪🏼👏🏼💕
@CultstoConsciousness 9 ай бұрын
Awww thank you! 🥰🙏
@deecawford 9 ай бұрын
My 2 favorite women and of course the man of show! Thank you for all you all 3 do. Amanda you are my sunshine and pure motivation to everyone to simply do better, be better, and show our children the good in this world
@GoldenMom815 9 ай бұрын
Her “entire family”😂😂😂 Close enough!! I’ve loved all of the ex-Order interviews. Is her brother Eskel next?
@zippymacadoo6336 9 ай бұрын
It exists! I saw it briefly in my feed, but it was private and then removed. I hope we get to see it one day.
@SuzieQue42 9 ай бұрын
Thank God Eskal got out!
@anthill1510 9 ай бұрын
They put up an interview with Eskel some days ago and pulled it shortly after. Don`t know what happened there. And yeah, I was rolling my eyes when they said "we interviewed your whole family". They would have to interview hundreds of people.
@GoldenMom815 9 ай бұрын
@@anthill1510hmm interesting. Thanks for saying!
@GoldenMom815 9 ай бұрын
@@zippymacadoo6336hmm curious!
@CLR0220 9 ай бұрын
I wasn't in a cult, but ended up in a very similar relationship. I was totally a person who wanted to see the good in everyone. I ignored all the signs. Then told myself it was my fault. I had such low self-confidence. Had all the stupid dramatic scenes, very much like you two described. Completely embarrassing and not who I am. I look back at those situations and don't recognize that person at all. Counseling, space, lots of crying and really looking at myself finally allowed me to let go and move on from the relationship. That portion of your video made me feel seen. Thanks!
@CultstoConsciousness 9 ай бұрын
❤️
@goatmealcookies7421 9 ай бұрын
just reflecting.... don't need a cult background to be a magnet for those toxic relationships. Your journeys are really important to hear about, and glad you are both doing so much better. I needed to hear this about 30 years ago, lol. 20 years ago, I was lucky enough to be sent on a blind date, with whom I immediately, and probably for the first time in my life, felt both safe and empowered. We ran away to Vegas, and have been stronger together, ever since.
@andreag370 9 ай бұрын
I just found your page, I loved escaping polygamy so I watched this episode. I left Mormonism when I was 18; moved to salt lake and away from everyone I knew. So I cut it off and didn’t process. I am now finally at 37 dealing with things. So many things just stuck out to me. I was with a narcissist. When I met my now husband, luckily I was in therapy for other reasons and she had to tell me guys can be nice and they aren’t always out to get you. Such a powerful first video to see. Thank you
@DoeMeNeek 9 ай бұрын
I love what Amanda said about confronting the DoucheGuy, SO empowering!!! but ALSO, do that in a public place w a friend watching over you for your safety... NEVER try to confront a lieing narcissist on yr own in private, never ever never (waaaay too many true crime stories start out that way).
@silkenaria 9 ай бұрын
Yes, this. Be a strong, SAFE(sorry for caps, this just needs emphasis) queen.
@LumpyspaceLegend 9 ай бұрын
Song is Never Ending by Rihanna if anyone was curious
@ryleefeehan9170 9 ай бұрын
I watched an episode before with Amanda and immediately after started watching her and subscribed to learn more and now we’re here I love the way you guys converse and the new set up is fantastic I love love that you guys have a space to sit together and talk
@CultstoConsciousness 9 ай бұрын
Love that!!
@DukesGrace 9 ай бұрын
I think the reason people see divorce as a bad thing is because society sees being single as a bad thing. I'm hoping to stay single for the rest of my life, and when I tell people that they usually say something along the lines of "Don't worry, you'll find someone". That's like me saying "You're in a happy relationship? Don't worry, I'm sure you'll break up." A lot of people cannot comprehend wanting to be single.
@princesslola9449 7 ай бұрын
Yeah in some cultures women are still only good for marriage and child bearing. It’s impossible for them to process that some people don’t want that. Do you! Tell them it’s none of their business. It’s not rude to respond directly.
@allisonharranmua8193 9 ай бұрын
I love you both so much for the important work you do, but I love it even more when you and Amanda work together! Using media to open eyes and ears instead of the propaganda these "religions" are spewing is helping so many people. When you said maybe i could just be miserable for the rest of my life so he doesn't have to be sad....it was a direct hit to my consciousness. I was feeling really guilty about going no contact with my narsasistic parents...but you totally stopped my guilt in its tracks...cuz dam if i didn't grow up thinking those exact words about them. You just broke that illusion for me. Thank you Amanda, for yet again being another mile marker on my healing journey
@lizzypop2628 9 ай бұрын
Amanda is a classy ladyyyy! I respect her always she’s amazing. So brave for expressing this vulnerable topic.
@whitajeman 8 ай бұрын
I found both of your channels through MSP and I have enjoyed diving into your respective content so much. I was raised LDS (in a non strict home with lots of great communication so thankfully I am still so close to my family) but when I left at 17, I clung to a narcissist who down the road became physically and mentally abusive. It took years for me to realize that in my rebellion, I found comfort in someone taking charge of my life. I bet its really common for people to look for authority figures after leaving cults or high demand religions. I'm safe and happy now living my best single mom life with my beautiful son.
@Coffeefueled1425 9 ай бұрын
I love both your channel and Amanda’s. When you pair up, it’s the best of both worlds. Thank you all for educating us who are ignorant of the depths of these cults. Much love to you all and your guests. I hope everyone can work on healing and living their best life. ❤
@ljofi482 9 ай бұрын
I am really happy this channel exists. I’m African American who grew up Christian and was pulled into mainstream LDS while I was looking for further truth and comfort in the universe. I can’t believe I trusted my friends in the church who brought me in because they chose not tell me their views on black people and I’m so lucky that I just happened to read the racist scripture myself on accident the NIGHT before I was baptized. I’m ashamed that I was still baptized but I was hoping i misunderstood and that the bishop could clarify things. Obvs that didn’t happen lol. I’m so so glad I got out safely to my agnosticism. My siblings are in a different cult too. Thank you all for sharing your stories. I’m so glad for those who reclaimed their individual sovereignty and will maintain hope for my family.
@CultstoConsciousness 9 ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing! I’m glad you got out as well ❤️
@bonnielucas1941 9 ай бұрын
Oh man! You're so speaking my language! I'm 67 and throughout my life, I've had mostly narcissistic relationships. Started with my father. Right now, I just value my spirituality. And no, I'm not involved with any church.
@JayPee575 9 ай бұрын
Amanda Rae is the creater I have the most parasocial relationship with 😂😅 She seems like so much fun!
@BeingBrittanny 9 ай бұрын
I am so proud of your growth Amanda!! Thank you for sharing your life with us. You’re making a difference. 😊❤ love uuuu.
@jcg03002 9 ай бұрын
Amanda is the best! I love her videos and your interviews with her and her family. She's an amazing survivor. I'm sorry to hear she stayed in her marriage longer than she wanted to, but can honestly relate, and appreciate her candor so much. She and the other survivors of the Order are so tough, smart, and inspiring - I have so much admiration for them.
@firbolg 9 ай бұрын
Really enjoyed this one! You're all so wholesome and interesting to listen from. Small side note. I was raised by two atheist parents in an extremely traditional catholic village. And strangely enough, I find a lot of solace in this channel. I'm not religious but religion had a huge impact on my childhood and early adulthood. I was always told that was an infidel, blasphemer or the son of Satan... and was never truly accepted for who I was in the village. I was bullied, made fun of and ridiculed daily for being an atheist... when I didn't even know what an atheist was. While my father was an atheist, all of his family was and still is deeply religious. Growing up, I saw the injustices and contradictions of that specific perspective on religion. The same religion that had sent my father to jail at 15 yo for refusing to kneel before the priest, which forbade me from taking part in any of the village youth activities was supposed to be about love and tolerance. Something didn't add up. And when I questioned the priests, I only got hate and spite. It was only later in my early 20s, while staying at Taize with my step-sister, trying to find my own spirituality, that I met people who actually lived a life of love and tolerance. And my questions were answered with, at worst, laughter and most often with actually well-thought-out answers. Now, I'm 44 and still an atheist but also an agnostic. I wish people were as respectful towards theists as non-theist beliefs.
@CultstoConsciousness 9 ай бұрын
I’m so sorry for what you went through. Thanks for sharing. You’re not alone ❤️
@kat8canary77 6 ай бұрын
I love Amanda Rae's energy. I am amazed that she was ever ruled by the family cult. She has so much strength. I recently watched some of the Escaping Polygamy episodes online and I kinda of remembered watching the show years ago but I didn't remember Amanda. She was so young, ha. She is beautifully fiery now, the last 10 years have seasoned her like a cast iron skillet. Her videos are so tasty. Her willingness to tell it like it was even though it is uncomfortable and sometimes embarrassing to look back on is admirable.
@arnicepernice8656 9 ай бұрын
Jonathan has had full immersion with these interviews! Both of you are giving so many the opportunity to tell their story but I feel also may give others the courage to do the same.
@salliestewart5125 9 ай бұрын
Very insightful interview, enjoying getting to know you all.
@lau4545 9 ай бұрын
I love that you guys mentioned the lovely community you've created - the C2C channel is one of the few where I genuinely enjoy reading the comment sections for that reason ❤ and sometimes the comments can be almost as interesting as the videos!
@CultstoConsciousness 9 ай бұрын
I love that!
@funwithmyswedishdogs 9 ай бұрын
Thank you all for sharing! i learned a lot.
@donnellallan 9 ай бұрын
I love this conversation! Thanks to all three of you for showing me what is possible, whether alone or in a relationship. So many of us have never seen healthy, now here it is before us. Thank you thank you! 🙏🙏🙏
@CultstoConsciousness 9 ай бұрын
🥰🙏
@bonnielucas1941 9 ай бұрын
Also, I love Amanda! Thank you for this great interview! 💚
@shirleywiebe2530 9 ай бұрын
I love listening to the three of you. This relationship discussion is right on. You are amazing.
@marlenabryant5547 9 ай бұрын
Just caught this episode ! Hello from Indianapolis. GOOD for you Amanda!!!!
@debbiedonovan8362 8 ай бұрын
This was an amazing trifecta!! Much love, to 3 really amazing humans who teach those, in survival mode... how to survive in healthy, loving, and real ways. Both these channels are shamazing!
@glendacox6540 9 ай бұрын
Love the in person interview!❤❤❤
@Clintcellington 9 ай бұрын
I don't cheat on my wife. And she doesn't cheat on me. And neither of us feels the need to check each other's phones. I think trust issues are a huge red flag for any long term relationship. For example, are you still going to be checking each other's phone when you've been married 50 years? It's no different when you're just starting. Just my opinion. I understand that being burned over and over creates issues. And rightly so. But you're forever partner deserves more than taking the heat for your past partner's failures. You're either all in or you're not.
@Beginnerreadsthebible 9 ай бұрын
Thank you for being so real with us, Amanda. I'm guilty of being too personal with sorta-celebrities, because I feel like I know y'all. At least for me, it's wishing all the best, and inquiring is a form of showing love, by showing interest. Again, thanks for the reminder.
@AndyCowan-lf7it 9 ай бұрын
I love Amanda's perspective! One of the best lessons I learned was how to take accountability in situations even where I wasn't wrong.
@CaitlynAnn1993 9 ай бұрын
Loved that you had Amanda on again.
@communistsharks6889 9 ай бұрын
I love your dynamic here!! It’s giving me friendship envy lol. I’m probably overstepping, but it seems like y’all just click in such a meaningful way. My dad always says that people come into your like for reasons, seasons, and lifetimes. And I think y’all are lifetimes.
@CultstoConsciousness 9 ай бұрын
It for sure felt like that! New friends 🥰
@telasims233 9 ай бұрын
I'm a lot older than all of you, very well traveled and educated. I come from a Military family, both parents college educated, so we travelled a lot.. I remember driving through Utah and seeing the prairie dresses, so we all knew about the FLDS... But, until the show, NOBODY KNEW ABOUT THE ORDER!!! I still can't believe they were hiding in PLAIN SIGHT!!! But also, in PLAIN SIGHT were a whole society of women that were under educated, treated like work horses, or indentured servants and funneling our tax dollars into the abuse OF THE WOMEN!!! That's NOT a religion, they just use that as a fear tactic to keep the women UNDER CONTROL!!! To me it's criminal!!
@nicolemckerracher7695 9 ай бұрын
If anyone tries to make you feel shame for choosing to change the parts of your life that couldn't make you happy, they are jealous, stupid, and sad. Proud of you, loved this video.
@beepboopbeep4801 3 ай бұрын
Dude!!! Being single and celibate for 3 years after spending my whole life in a relationship was absolutely the best thing I ever did!!! I know that I am perfectly OK with me and I don't NEED another person to make my life better but I think now I could actually give to a healthy relationship. That being said when I think about either outlook they both make me happy and that I think is a testament to how I've grown as a person. I always tell people TAKE SOME TIME TO BE SOLO it truly does help.
@betsybabf748 2 ай бұрын
In Escaping Polygamy, Amanda truly stood out for being so gorgeous. She has nothing to be embarrassed about about her appearance in those episodes. We pick apart our own selves in past looks, but everyone else saw her as this stunningly beautiful young woman.
@shannonsmith3842 9 ай бұрын
Just filled it out. I’ve never participated in anything with a KZfaq channel so this is wild and very scary/exciting for me. I’ve been all over the world working for the Government since I left the cult, but have never really dealt with the trauma. Your videos provide a sort of private therapy for me.
@CultstoConsciousness 9 ай бұрын
Hi Shannon! I love that! We are happy to have you here. We are finalizing the details now and it will be announced soon!
@UCSPanther20 9 ай бұрын
I have a saying about the enforced poverty within The Order: "Every cult leader needs to have his Rolls-Royce." It is in reference to acts of extravagant hypocrisy within the context of religious and quasi-religious movements. Forcing your followers to take vows of poverty and to own nothing and be happy (or else!) while living in opulent luxury? Every cult leader needs his Rolls-Royce.
@nickywal 9 ай бұрын
I love that and you see in a lot of churches, a lot of Catholics live in poverty while the church as a whole and the Vatican especially is one of the wealthiest organisations in the world. But they'll still ask parishoners to donate to fix local churches etc. As I understand it the Mormon church does the same
@UCSPanther20 9 ай бұрын
All religious and quasi-religious groups engage in wealth hoarding to varying degrees. I have actually heard the Mormon church is considered to be one of the worst in that regard. The Rolls-Royce is a reference to Osho Rajneesh, who was known to parade around in a high end Rolls-Royce car, followed by a swarm of uzi-wielding cult guards.
@PetThePeeves 9 ай бұрын
Love the perspective on watching yourself…I teach high school now and middle school before, so occasionally I record myself. Every time I notice things I’m doing that aren’t clear or aren’t connecting, and every time I’m annoyed by my own voice. But I’ve also seen how much better I’ve gotten over 11 years. It’s crazy to see myself over the years and be able to see when I was struggling the most because I can definitely tell. I’ve gotten better about hiding it, because my problems shouldn’t be something my kids are ever aware of, they’re teens and have plenty of their own. But I can tell not only by my own behavior but by theirs too. Even without KZfaq, it’s kind of a good idea to do that every now and then to see growth in yourself
@CultstoConsciousness 9 ай бұрын
That’s awesome! Jonathan calls it “analyze and adjust” in KZfaq terms 😁
@bluewolfwalking 5 ай бұрын
Another terrific show ! Thanks so much for all you are doing-helping those who want to escape a cult and enlightening us Outsiders!
@ianwild66 9 ай бұрын
A wonderful interview. Thank you all.
@CultstoConsciousness 9 ай бұрын
Glad you enjoyed it!
@jennifercassidy6765 Ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing your story and your courage!
@user-wl7xt6zv6w 9 ай бұрын
I love how open and willing to share all of you are it is amazing and it has helped me be more understanding and be able see that having my standards and sticking with them is not a bad thing.
@CultstoConsciousness 9 ай бұрын
❤️
@EM-ub3hn 9 ай бұрын
Love the vibes you guys create!!!❤❤❤
@alexisco23 9 ай бұрын
Love Amanda and have been following since the show. Newly a fan of this channel as well - keep up the great work!! Shout from the mountaintops. The world needs it! ❤️
@CultstoConsciousness 9 ай бұрын
Awesome! Thank you! Welcome to C2C!
@kcstill3108 9 ай бұрын
What a great interview. Thank you all, I learned so much.
@CultstoConsciousness 9 ай бұрын
Glad you enjoyed it!
@krystaladams4440 9 ай бұрын
Amanda you are such an amazing person and so brave!! you are such an incredible person. I am so proud of you!! PS the song is Never Ending By Rihanna.
@laurenoliver4359 9 ай бұрын
Thank you to you both! You, along with everyone from escaping polygamy has helped me so much. I didn’t even know I needed to deconstruct or what that was until watching C2C. Now I’m figuring out what that looks like for me as well as what spirituality means to me. Again, thank you so much!
@CultstoConsciousness 9 ай бұрын
I’m so happy to hear it’s been helpful for you! ❤️
@marfiskey3102 5 ай бұрын
another great interview with amada and you guys are great too
@greendragon4058 9 ай бұрын
The more I listen to these podcasts I can deconstruct some of the things that I've gone through. I suffer through religious trauma as well, I was made to go to a Catholic Church and a lot of the words that I read in the chat and a lot of things you say just hit me in my heart. My grandmother used to dress me up to go to church and I would go to hell if I didn't go as I got older I started to attend church, a different one this time I was in the military and I had three kids but their father died before I gave birth to the third one I never got remarried I concentrated on my kids I heard a roundabout way that the pastor of the church put my father down and my sister because they didn't have any money to tithe because their jobs were meaningless, that they hated single parents I dressed in black I went to church I gave the pastor a piece of my mind and I never went to another church again. But growing up it didn't matter if I was sick or not I had better put a dress on and go to church I was a wild child and was threatened with hell if I didn't Shape Up they used thought control and a lot of things that you have shared on your podcasts, I still carry that around with me. They did much more then what I just said however I am digging through my own soul and I'm finding these pieces that are like oh s*** I remember going through that or I can't believe I fell for that and these are churches. When my sister turned 15 she entered a cult we tried for many years to get her out of that needless to say it's been over 50 years and now she lives in a nursing home because she cannot take care of herself she cannot stand me because I don't go to church because I was a single mom their teachings are so similar to the order it's incredible it's like looking in a mirror. When I was married, my husband at the time would try to sell Amway I said this is not a good idea he even tried to come home with Scientology things and I went I don't think so that's not for me then he would come home and say let's try Jehovah's Witnesses I want oh hell no. So in that respect my religious trauma kept me out of these things that my husband was trying to get me into at the time. I am Native American I'm really close to being a shaman and I'm proud of that fact. So thank you for helping me untangle my own childhood religious trauma it may not be to the extreme of some of your guests but it still is religious trauma thank you so much much love to anybody who's trying to get out or has gotten out. Stay true to yourself and nobody can be you but you do not let anybody stand in your way❤❤❤
@CultstoConsciousness 9 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing! You are one strong mama!! We are going into Catholicism next actually
@greendragon4058 9 ай бұрын
@@CultstoConsciousness oh I can't wait for that that is going to be amazing, you know what I mean
@heidihafer8112 9 ай бұрын
Thank you so much for all this talk about your first relationships, I started dating at 37 and I have absolutely had the same problem with toxic people because of what childhood made me feel like it was normal to try to see the best in bad situations.
@sunshinerays2747 6 ай бұрын
That can make you give passes to horrible people. Also people pleasing. We are so naive.
@kirbysthiccthighs 9 ай бұрын
holy shit, i’m early-!! love this new setup, and love that you have the hubby joining you!!!
@juliemartin5397 9 ай бұрын
Love hearing everyone's stories and their move to the light🇬🇧♥️
@csmsharp5952 5 ай бұрын
Great episode as always
@tamlinchamberlain8590 8 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing your stories. I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian church and noticed similar themes from my experience. One thing that has helped me personally on my journey of self-discovery and self-knowing (along with various therapies) is astrology. I have been studying it for about 20 years and very in-depth for the past 5 years. it has helped me make so much sense of my life, confirmed my gut instincts of my place in this world, and now guides my life in a way that is so helpful.
@tbella5186 9 ай бұрын
In regards to both loving oneself, and to building an awesome online community, I immediately thought DFTBA and NerdFighteria (Motto and community name)!!!! Through all my newly discovered childhood trauma, and my guilt of not doing enough self growth before having kids, I'm so thankful to have found a positive community like the VlogBrothers almost 16 years ago now! Thanks to bother Shalise, and Amanda for guiding me towards to words to describe my experiences, and to fix that for my children!
@KittyHannah 9 ай бұрын
This episode was better then the last 4 therapy sessions I have gone to. Such good advice!
@Momof13grannyto28 9 ай бұрын
Amanda you are so strong and you came out of the gates saying that yes your divorce from Erik you did not through him under the bus you even said I'm not gonna share his side but mine keep going on your emotional journey cause God has a bigger day for you.
@easybreezy4559 9 ай бұрын
This is the most positive episode and I loved it! Also, waiting for my Linda shirt as we speak!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love you guys and thank you for all you do.
@CultstoConsciousness 9 ай бұрын
Yay! Thanks for getting our merch! 🥰 this was definitely a more fun episode as far as being able to laugh and keep it lighter
@michelleslaughter8264 3 ай бұрын
I love her quote, “taking accountability is the best thing I could do for myself. That’s when my life started to become my own.” So good, our culture would benefit greatly. Everyone reflected on this.
@AtypicalPaul 9 ай бұрын
Great conversation
@joyceb8174 9 ай бұрын
Both of your stories are helpful to anyone, not just for those coming out of a cult.. because not everyone is aware of their needs in life/love.. you just have great advise for anyone.. however I do LOVE that yall are working to help others..
@CultstoConsciousness 9 ай бұрын
Thank you!
@Sunny-uv2lp 9 ай бұрын
Great to see you all together! Would love if you have Martha Beck on, she so healing…
@AtypicalPaul 9 ай бұрын
That's exciting about your retreat/ vacation. I hope you take loads of pics and video :)
@CultstoConsciousness 9 ай бұрын
Thank you, we will!
@lesleymcbride4297 9 ай бұрын
Nice to see your hubby joining you! Beautiful couple !
@CultstoConsciousness 9 ай бұрын
Thank you 😊
@krystaladams4440 9 ай бұрын
Also Shelise you know you have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about with those relationships...I think we all have had them....mine are pretty crazy too. just chalk them up to life lessons and then be thankful for the awesome guy you have now!! PS you are an incredible person and thanks for doing what you do!!
@CultstoConsciousness 9 ай бұрын
Thank youuuu!🥰
@angelabernhardt6761 9 ай бұрын
I wish I could like this a thousand times. Such an amazing talk full of helpful insights…many of which I wrote down. Thank you!
@CultstoConsciousness 9 ай бұрын
You are so welcome!❤️
@jeremyjbaker1 9 ай бұрын
You guys are warriors, keep up the great work.
@notconsenting6633 9 ай бұрын
Awww i just love this show. So happy Amanda is finding her happiness. You go girl😊
@yvettescheiman4991 9 ай бұрын
Maybe I missed it but has anyone done a story on ex-polygamist men? Not "lost boys" or men who have only had one wife and left the order. Or is this a mythical creature? There has to be SOMEONE out there who found polygamy too stressful or painful... 🤔
@allisonharranmua8193 9 ай бұрын
The numbered men don't leave unless forced to by the cult. You become a numbered man by, among other things, collecting wives like Pokémon. This cult is absolutely paradise for the group of men you are talking about and the ones that get forced out don't speak about it because they want back in. The higher up you are on the food chain in this cult, the nicer your life is....that goes double if you were born with a penis....even an incest baby one that shoots blanks...
@bernjobi 9 ай бұрын
maybe kody brown soon 🤭
@emilybarclay8831 9 ай бұрын
Why would they find polygamy stressful? They aren’t supporting the families financially. They aren’t even expected to visit their wives more than once a month. And why would it be painful? They’re raised to view women as cattle and they’re always able to stay with their favourite wife. AND they’re guaranteed a ticket in heaven. There’s literally no downside to being a numbered man except paying the higher ups
@liseklerekoper2441 9 ай бұрын
There are a number of videos of men who have left high demand/high control religions from the Mormon church, one who has a KZfaq channel w/ his wife & grew up in the FLDS, Val Snow, who’s been on this channel did leave The Order, but he’s gay so he didn’t leave it as a polygamist husband. There’s also Amanda‘s brother, Eskel, who has also been on this channel, I believe, & he left The Order, but he was still a teenager when he left, so not a polygamist.
@CultstoConsciousness 9 ай бұрын
Yes, as mentioned Val has been on. I also interviewed Kody Brown’s nephew from the AUB who didn’t want to practice Polygamy and left before he did
@codirennke1109 4 ай бұрын
Amanda is such a boss. So much respect and love for her.
@myrnaedmisten599 9 ай бұрын
Amanda is brilliant. I hope she knows that and can own it. Thanks for this wonderful story. ❤❤
@rianna_banana 9 ай бұрын
Amanda you should mention the creep that was working on Escaping Polygamy. The video about him on your channel was super shocking!
@jennas2068 9 ай бұрын
Amanda is an absolutely amazing human. Being so self aware as a teenager to leave the trauma? - rockstar! Putting off child bearing until it felt right? - brave!. Leaving a marriage that just couldn't work? - amazing! Marriage is really difficult in the best of circumstances, but I can't imagine anyone being successful when they're SO young and working actively on processing trauma. It's just too much for anyone in that position.
@s.a.6082 5 ай бұрын
I agree. She’s an inspiration.
@brittanyross8719 8 ай бұрын
I love you three SO much! You were BORN to do this work and do it this way. I’m so sorry and so sick to my stomach from the horrors you and all of those other wonderful humans stuck and being perpetually hurt. God, I wish I could go gather ALL the women and children and hold them and cry. My heart truly, truly aches. With that said, maybe in order for you all to have the reach you have, and the personalities to boot, you had to be born into this world in that manner. We NEED you. Thank you. Thank you for being so fucking brave. If I only had a tiny piece of the courage you have…if only WE ALL did.
@sarahhaakenson5330 9 ай бұрын
Love all 3 of you ❤. Thank you for all you do.
@CultstoConsciousness 9 ай бұрын
Thanks for watching!
@adrianabermea6488 9 ай бұрын
Loved this episode
Cults to Consciousness
Рет қаралды 448 М.
Cults to Consciousness
Рет қаралды 118 М.
Cults to Consciousness
Рет қаралды 53 М.
Cults to Consciousness Clips
Рет қаралды 1,2 М.
Cults to Consciousness
Рет қаралды 293 М.
Peter Santenello
Рет қаралды 4,7 МЛН
Cults to Consciousness
Рет қаралды 546 М.
Gender: A Wider Lens
Рет қаралды 9 М.
andrew gold | heretics.
Рет қаралды 1 МЛН