Correction: Men do release Oxytocin during sex. They just release significantly less than women You can watch my video on the effects of hook up culture on women here: kzfaq.info/get/bejne/nNB4nbyJts2zm40.html

I hate hookup culture. All I want is a wholesome, fulfilling, loving relationship with a woman who feels the same way for me.

The fact that there are young people like you who can look past the false advertising and see the dangers of hook-up culture gives me hope. Keep up the good work

I'm a gay guy and the hook-up culture is very sad. I am someone who doesn't participate in hook-up culture and I had a friend question me recently, "well how will you find a partner?" and that made me feel really bad. It's almost like I have to give my body first to gain some sort of interest and that is not something I'm willing to do. I don't want to feel like a toy to please just for a possible interest. I have been single for 6 years now and I really don't see that changing.

I have hated hookup culture for so long, I feel like this culture is going to plague many young people into a life of singleness. It is exhausting to have to weed through the people that are deeply set into this culture.

What's horrible is even if you don't participate in hook up culture the chance of dying alone is still high. Especially if you aren't the type of man or woman people tend to date. I know many people who are single, some by choice, some by trauma and many by "default".

The reason why depression has skyrocketed is because our culture has reduced all meaning in life to doing whatever is pleasurable in the moment. When you run out of pleasures to be had (or the novelty wears off) and you realize how meaningless your life is, how can you not be miserable?

As a 22 year old guy, I find hookup culture very disgusting. I think sex is very overrated and being with a girl who loves you back, compliments, and helps you is much more romantic than sex will ever be. I also don’t really like looking at strange random girls in their birthday suits. If the girl was my lover, I wouldn’t mind but I just think it’s kind of perverted. I’ve talked to a few girls recently and I really enjoyed talking to them. Talking to them was the only reward I’ll ever need. I never had a girlfriend before but I hope someday I will. I would also love to have a family. If a girl told me she wanted to wait till marriage, I wouldn’t mind.

My sister told me she met on a guy on tinder who said he wouldn’t even consider dating her until he slept with her to make sure they were “sexually compatible.” When she refused, he was surprised and pissed off because he’d never been rejected before. He said that’s why she was still single and always would be and moved on. I myself was told I’d die alone if I never gave a blow job. The pressure put on girls to “put out” in order to be in a relationship is, I think, a reason women continuously enable hookup culture.

99% of our generation has fallen into this trap. I wish more people would see the light. Keep up the good work.

“The silence of being alone is deafening.” That line hit hard as shit, it’s hella true.

What I’ve found is that being single in my 20s was extremely hard initially because I would constantly compare myself with my friends that were getting laid or having relationships. But I later got over it when I started earning well because I realized I had leftover time and money to spend on myself and my hobbies. I joined martial arts, learning guitar, learning to cook and eat well, learning advanced coding (this in turn also helped my career) and playing video games. Eventually I found someone to have a meaningful relationship/marriage (when I turned 31) and I’m glad I spent my time doing all that in the 20s because it helped me develop as a person.

I find hook up culture baffling to be honest. Every time we discuss sexual activates with my work mates in my age group (I'm 27 female) they are all shocked that I'm still a virgin. Some look downright insulted too, and I don't get why. They always complain about their hook ups afterwards and how they need to find 'better men'. Then a week later it is rinse and repeat. I've just told them that I don't need to be married to the guy, but I want a loving relationship where we care for each other very much. I don't understand why that isn't still today's standard.

“The reason why most women think men are trash is because they’re all sleeping with the same guys” -most succinct statement I’ve heard

Yeah so this hit hard for me. I’m 21 and I’ve never been in a relationship. Never done any of those things that everyone has seemed to have done in high school with the first kiss, first homecoming, first date, prom, etc. It was the worst feeling ever for awhile. When I got to college, it didn’t get any better. Girls talked to me just because they wanted to hook up and could care less about me which made me really depressed especially once the pandemic hit. I didn’t know who was really there for me anymore or who actually cared about me. I’ve had situationships with flirting and talk back in high school, but it never went anywhere. Then college as I mentioned, when I tried to, it just ended up with the girls playing into hook up culture. I never gave into it. I think the worst experience I had was this girl and I were talking for months. We had class 2 times a week, so we saw each other 2 times a week, and lived in the same dorm building so I occasionally saw her outside of class too. We sat next to each other in class and she would flirt with me all the time. Naturally I did too. Covid hit and campus shut down, so I got her number and we continued to talk. One day she told me she wasn’t into me and knew that I was. That it had nothing to do with me because I was a great guy. She later ended up ghosting me and then 2 months later tried to get me to hook up with her. When I tried asking why after all this time and why she was doing this to me, she told me to stop asking questions and that she’d never speak to me again after. That it was a one time thing and no strings were attached. As I mentioned before, I never gave into the hookup culture. But that experience was really painful for me because I never felt such an intense connection with someone before and to know that all she wanted was to hook up with me for months killed me. I worked on myself and have been happy being single without having any situationships for over 2 years. I feel a lot happier and content in myself, confident in what I want in a partner, can sense the bs in people from initial convos of what they want with me, and most importantly just stay true to myself. I’m a hopeless romantic as well, so that doesn’t help this day and age

People need to understand that being in your 20s and not having much or any relationship experience isn’t nearly as “uncommon” or “strange” as media makes it out to be. I’ve been in 2 committed relationships with a single hookup in between which isn’t necessarily a lot but it’s still more than a large portion of my close male friends and I’m in my 20s. It’s really only a small amount of men who strongly benefit from hookup culture and even then many of them won’t benefit from it for very long. Don’t freak out because you’re 22 and you haven’t had a girlfriend, there’s plenty of time ahead of you and it’s way more valuable to make sure you experience the right kinds of relationships and you’re patient enough to find the right kind of person for you than it is to just jump into dozens of hookups as soon as possible.

when religion says no to hookup culture, people get mad 💀

Many of my friends, esp. female friends thought they would be cool with casual hook-ups... They were all actually very unhappy, unfulfilled and empty. And my male friends only enjoyed it when it gave them bragging rights, but the whole relationship, or lack-thereof, made them feel even more alone than before

Yeah growing up I’ve had my male friends roast me for being a virgin and not having “fun” with women and ngl some of the roasts were funny, they even had me laughing. What’s weird is that as time went on and we got older (we’re in our mid 20s now) I noticed some of them develop this mental problem (I’m not a therapist or mental health worker I don’t know how to phrase it properly) where they can’t emotionally bond with their girlfriends. Some of them who are older than me are kind of envious that their siblings or cousins are married and in good relationships. I guess this isn’t just an issue for older women who can’t find a partner because of their past but men too, I was watching a video with Aba and Preach and Aba mentioned that Andrew Tate and other rich men are sometimes sad at the fact that they can’t find a good woman to be in a relationship with cause they spent so much time having fun (don’t quote me on this I was summarizing what I watched, could have missed out a couple points too) which kinda makes sense. Till now I don’t like “hook up culture” and it is something I don’t think I’ll ever participate in regardless of what my friends say. I have no problem with other people who like to hook up for fun though just don’t try wasting your time convincing others to do what you think is ok for you.

Thank you Xina, as a gay man, I've lost several meaningful relationships due to my partners choosing hook-up culture over strengthening a loving relationship. Hook-up culture among gay men has not only become the "only way to meet a guy", but also becoming the norm for relationships, open relationships, cheating, 'one-sided' polyamory. I'm sure you can understand why too... A male's dating strategy is polyamory, so when the dating pool is all men, what happens? They are all chasing the thrill of sex, and dragging many many innocent people, who would rather love, into it. You give me hope Xina. Thank you.

I'm so relieved that people are talking about this. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person who actively wants a fulfilling relationship. My ex also convinced me that I was weird for my sexuality and expectations from a relationship

I'm very hesitant to get into a relationship, since i've seen people betray their spouses so many times. Be it affairs, or smaller thing and its just... really discouraging. I'd rather just remain alone, than risk getting backstabbed like that. I feel like hookup culture has had a hand it that

I was listening to an ex s*x worker and she was talking about how she regrets having casual interactions with men and she believes that the rise of s*xual empowerment for women didn't benefit women but it benefited men. To a certain extent, I agree with what she is saying but that only applies to guys who don't want relationships and often, the only guys who benefited for it were the top 10% of men. Most men want to be in relationships and want to connect with someone on a level that is above just having intercourse. Hook up culture is good for government; it keeps everyone single so most people go through life having their own apartments, living alone instead of living with someone and having a family. 2 individual people spending money is better than those 2 people coming together and gathering their resources because the government receives more money from both sides. Hook up culture fs everyone.

It’s depressing when you’re a single male in you’re 20s and seeing everyone in your friend group go on dates/ meet girls.. I know it’s cause I’m kind of introverted but it still hurts to know I’m missing out on what could possibly be the best years of my life. Seems like you have to be a player to even get a shot these days, anything less is not worth girls’ time.

As a man I often felt like I had to participate in hookup culture just to be considered worthy of the wholesome loving relationship that I actually wanted. I would hear so often these words "women want men that other women want." And I felt that if I was every going to meet my future wife, I would need to become a player first. Now I know that nothing about that makes any sense and that the kind of woman I actually wanted for a wife wouldn't be attracted to the kind of guy I was pretending to be.

This woman is not only grounded but she is smart and switched on AF! Men and ladies listen to this lass as she is spitting facts here! We need more people like this gaining traction in the online social community and being heard because she is telling the truth. I give you props sweet for posting this message. ❤

As a guy that was 'lucky' enough to participate in hook up culture, I now regret it . I feel as though all the girls within my age group that I would like to settle down with are already taken , and the ones that are left are bitter because they have been used by the same type of a holes I use to be .

I'm a 29 year old straight male virgin, and been told my looks are just fine - but I find myself just so uninterested in sex and partners because of soooo much media and drama and odd discussions about how things should-and-shouldn't-be that I've found just focusing on myself and spending my money on me and my friends and forming close bonds with a couple close friends has seemingly paid off way more than this 'constant need for a girlfriend'. That or I'm aro-ace. I've not figured it out.

I'm almost 40 and was blackpilled in middle school. People always think bachelors have all sorts of sex but some of us just never get to have physical contact with a woman at all.

Thank you for creating this video. As a 64 year old man, I 100% agree with everything you said. I believe that you can be one of those older, still in love after all those years, still holding hands couples. There are men in your generation who want that too. You don't need the mojority of women to decide they don't want to take part in hookup culture for that to happen. You just need to decide that you aren't going to take part in hookup culture, and look for the love of your life. Know that the love of your life isn't one special person out there waiting for you. The love of your life is someone who wants to be together for the long haul as much as you do.

It makes me feel better to see someone finally bring this up. Bc I’m extremely traditional in relationships but I can’t find anyone who is like me. So it’s hard.

I believe this. Both the women and men are bitter and hurt, screaming on clubhouse all day about how bad the other gender is etc. And the ones that aren’t in hookup culture can be bitter too. Thankgod I was halfway smart and decided at 19 I wasn’t a hookup kinda girl at all. Once I found a man I held on for dearlife. It’s been rough, we both have baggage but we both KNOW we ain’t shit without eachother 😩😂😂😂

This was a sobering message. Not that I am the kind of guy who participates in hookup culture even if I wanted to, I just hope this message gets out to those who need it, as fast as possible.

As a millennial woman, I've never really bought into the whole hook up culture thing. I've always felt like it was dysfunctional when you get to the root of it, for both men and women. I had one "hook up" as a curious twenty-one-year-old, and decided never again. It just didn't suit my personality and felt pointless and not even that fun. I concentrated instead on dating for committed relationships and that's what I've spent most of my 20s doing. I've had girl friends who regularly do the whole Tinder carousel and many stay in these crappy situations with random men. And almost all of them deep down DID want a meaningful relationship, but they were participating because that's what they thought they should be doing. Anyway, I'm relieved more women (and men) seem to be realizing some of the toxicity of what hook up culture pushed.

I’m 22, still a virgin and never had a real girlfriend. It’s not fun to be alone when you’re in your prime. The only motivation I have for anything like self improvement is for myself, and it’s really hard to improve yourself when you see no benefit from it. Right now, I’m driving my dream car, working retail to pay for it and living in an apartment connected to my parent’s house. This comment will probably be cringey to read but, I’ve felt loneliness for long enough that it kind of feels nice, it’s familiar and comfortable, even if it is a negative feeling. It’s odd how the human psyche can start to find bad feelings to be feelings that feel good due to being familiar with them. I have a lot of need for more self improvement but at this point I’ve accepted my situation and am doing my best while in it. Great video, you broke it down very well! Update: Now I am going to gym 5 days a week, I’ve lost nearly 20lbs and am feeling much better about my current physical state than I did even a month ago. I’ve found motivation in improving myself for myself and am all the happier because of it. To anyone out there that is struggling, just jump into self improvement, you won’t regret it. Update 2: Lost 45lbs now and gotten stronger!

I've been reading a good amount of romance novels this past year. It's been quite eye opening to see different perspectives of women and what they fantasize for in relationships. It got me thinking about how I can be a better boyfriend when I start dating again.

Back in the days, I thought dating apps were to find true love and I went on them to find out guys just wanted to hook up 😪

The phase “sex sells” started it all… I was born in 2000… I’ve never been in a relationship, I’m a virgin. Sex/sexual innuendos has been in everything I’ve seen my entire life.

As a guy that’s look at a lot of manosphere/redpill content, I think this is probably one of the greatest analyses of the modern dating/relationship situation. I’m glad there are people out here that can actually observe and see what’s truly going on. It’s better that we have man AND women paying attention and are willing to point out flaws on both sides. All we have to do now is find a solution to the issue but identify the problem is the first step.

I'm 31 and the hook up and poly culture, even around my age, is still so bad that I still struggle with the idea that I'm going to end up alone because a wide majority of people still want this whole "I'm not ready for a relationship" or "humans weren't supposed to be monogamous" identity and just finding anyone who wants to be in a long committed relationship is so hard. I'm still young so I'm hopeful but I do be feeling that biological clock ticking and I'm scared that this mindset has already bled too far out to be repaired

It weirds me out how many people treat sex like it's some sort of requirement in life. It's optional. You can go your whole life without sleeping with someone. If you come across "the one," good, I'm happy for you, pursue and develop that relationship to the max. The thing about relationships is that they are as strong or as fickle as the people involved in them, so please don't make your relationships the greatest good in your life, it will only disappoint you. Find your greatest good in something bigger than yourself that will remain constant in good times and in bad.

There's no greater feeling than waking up next to someone in the morning that loves you as much as you like them. Ive always preferred a steady relationship even during college I didn't like sleeping around and wanted a steady relationship but most of the girls there just wanted quick hookups. Also don't mean to be that guy lol but you're very beautiful makes me happy to see people like you speaking out against hookup culture.

This is a fantastic video, hookups are in my opinion dehumanising for all involved. To have such low self-esteem to be used by another person for one night and tossed aside is horrid

If you had a podcast I would 100% listen to it and I know many other people would too. Your voice is really calming and you’re very eloquent, you also give so much good insight into controversial topics and things that society has just accepted as okay.

I'm a highschool gal who has already planned to practice abstinence until I'm married (for religious reasons as well). I've made my rounds around the manosphere and let me just say how refreshing it is to hear such a smart young lady talk about things that (really most of my generation) needs to hear. I've been told that I'm wise beyond my years, but most of this really just feels like common sense. I'm currently struggling with my weight as well so seeing these videos is actually a bit of motivation since ik what guys would tend to find attractive. Personally I feel like most of the boxes check out except my weight. But that can always be fixed. I digress, you are absolutely wonderful and I'm looking forwards to seeing more videos from you! God bless!

This really struck a cord with me even though the situation I've been dealing with is actually kind of backwards. My ex-girlfriend was part of hook-up culture, she had many flings before me, where I was a much more reserved man seeking a deep connection. It bothered me a little bit, but I didn't let it stand in the way of building my understanding an relationship with her deeper self. At first she was surprised at my attitude but, she also felt that a deeper connection is what she really wanted as well. But as the relationship went on, I noticed she was having a hard time communicating her feelings and emotions to me. I could tell that something was wrong and she immediately go for the explanation of "you wouldn't like the real me". I would follow up by asking what she thought the real her was but she would never really give me an answer. After a while, the communication became weaker and in the end I, the man, ended up feeling like I was being used for sex (Ironic I know) and the relationship fell apart shortly afterwards. Tying this story back to the video, I think that hook-up culture not only causes us to delay building those real, deep relationships but it also hurts our ability to build and be successful in those relationships. Of course there are confounding factors to this story, but I definitely feel this is a contributing factor to her personal barriers. I genuinely believe she is seeking something deeper in a relationship, even if she doesn't know how, and I still hope she finds the partner that will bring out the best in her even if it isn't me. I hope this perspective is useful and helps someone. These topics can be difficult, but only through understanding and empathy can we build a better future.

Being a teenager in the 2000’s seems almost alien by todays standards. I was one of those almost stereotypical male virgins who got torn into by his guy friends who had lost their virginity. Now out of my main circle of teenage friends, I’m the only one settled down with a wife and kids! There is little chance hookups would’ve blessed me with what I have now. I was still a virgin at turning 20. I ended up losing it in a hookup, partly as a way of getting people off my back. Soon after I met the young lady who went on to become my wife. With the ‘embarrassing’ virgin label gone, I was relaxed and didn’t rush her into anything. We were together for 4 months before we got as far as foreplay. Then a further two months went by before she lost her virginity to me. We’ve been together for over 10 years and have two children. I find that being in this situation, knowing that I’m settled with a beautiful family, I go out with a relaxed attitude. It seems to me that when you look as if you’re not interested in women, they find it attractive. I’ve had opportunities to be with other women since getting married, but it is a tempting trap. Although it would’ve been good in the heat of the moment, I know that cheating has the potential to ruin what I have. A long lasting and fulfilling relationship, which can last a lifetime. That seems to be an increasingly rare thing these days

You are AMAZING!!! So glad I never partook in hook up culture, got married at 21 and now I'm in my late 30s and never even once I regretted it or felt like I missed out. Thank you for putting all those reality facts out for the young people to see. Perhaps it will prevent someone from a lifetime of misery and they will be grateful to you for the rest of their life. Honestly, be blessed!!

I'm happy I'm not the only one in their youth that thinks Hookup Culture isn't it. I never understood the "empowering" aspect either like it's literally just casual sex - even to us guys it's not that deep and we find it odd but I digress lol

Thank you for this video. As a single 32 year old who never had any luck with dating apps, you shining some light on my pain, and the pain of the average man is so important.

My brother is black pilled and it’s sad watching this in front of own face. This vid puts everything I needed into words. I just hope that other 85% of men find hope

As a straight 22 year-old guy, I've never had the desire to have a FWB situation or hook-up. I'm actually as picky as most women. I also want an actual relationship, and for a relationship to build slowly and naturally. There have been girl strangers who have expressed explicit interest in me periodically throughout the years like asking for my snap, asking if I'm single, and touching my thigh. However, none of those girls seemed relationship-worthy. The latter one, the one who touched my thigh, gave me the impression she wanted only temporary sexual attention. That was proven because she went on to make out with another guy in that same timespan who she never went on to date. I felt like I dodged a bullet because I don't want to give myself away to any extent to someone who doesn't want the possibility of a relationship with me. I've had points in the past where I've fallen into pits of depression and hopelessness. However, I've accepted that I'm mature in knowing what I want, which is rare, especially in men my age. I've honestly been drawn toward women in their mid-to-late 20s the past couple years because they often know what they want, and I know what I want too. A year ago, there was this one girl (24-26 years old) who I met outside at a table, and I gave her my socials after we talked about where we were from and stuff. We then went on to text for few weeks where I learned so much about the country she was from and our shared interest in nature. I fell for her really hard because she was so sweet, and I love girls who I can talk to. However, she moved back to her home country and couldn't hang out with me even before that because she was hesitant about going out because of COVID. I let her go, and I ran into her in-person a few months ago. I soon as she saw me, she ran up to me to hug me and give me a kiss on the cheek. It melted me immediately, and I caught up with her in the moment and got her phone number. I texted her over the weekend, and I explicitly stated that I wanted to go on a date. Sadly, she replied that she wasn't romantically interested in me, but she thinks I'm an amazing guy. I also figured out it's normal in her culture for females to kiss male friends on the cheek when greeting. It just sucked a lot because I haven't had my first kiss yet at 22 or anything, and I got really wrapped up in someone who didn't even like me romantically. Sometimes, I think back to her kissing me on the cheek, and it's very bittersweet because that's the closest to a kiss I've received. I have no resentment to her at all though, and she's a wonderful person who deserves a great guy 🥲.

I never understood the concept of sleeping around with a multitude of people, it really desensetizes people from meaningful bonds and relationships. Makes it easier to see potentially good partners as disposal anytime the novelty wears off. So glad people are opening their eyes to the downside of the hook-up culture.

I agree. Ive been hooking up with random women for 10 years now using mostly Tinder and I feel empty inside, miserable and more lonely than ever. Casual sex is a trap, the chase feels good yes but afterwards you feel a void in your soul and kinda depressed. If feel like you soul is lost in the process and its pretty hard to quit to cause you became desensitized. Datings app are a trap srs. PS: Trust me, after a while you dont even remember the faces.

In my 20s, I was one of those guys. I am now in my mid-50s, and I am a divorced single dad. I am sure I am now 'paying' for my past transgressions. I have an adult son, and a daughter both are in college, and we have conversations about how the hook-up culture isn't a good thing. There were several times in my life when I could've had a real connection with someone, but I was an idiot!

This is one of the best KZfaq videos I have came across at first I thought it was gonna be polarised in favour of women but the way you balanced the argument and even supported it with evidence. Honestly amazing earned yourself a sub

I just finishing reading the book The Case against The Sexual Revolution (highly recommend) and it discusses hook up culture's negative effects on women which is perfectly valid and necessary to discuss but I wish more people talked about its effect on men. Great video!

It may be because I’m a very sensitive and self aware person, but I’ll never understand how people can go through life this way, having pointless flings one after the other.

I think us younger women are not taking part in hookup culture or dating at all and realizing that it’s better to be single instead. ❤

I hate hookup culture. And it’s hard for me not to be a little angry at my friend who participates in it and then complains why she’s single

As a man this was really refreshing to hear! All these guys telling women to "go get some cats", "you're gonna die alone", while men lead in suicide is just ... bonkers to me. Life is so much better ... with someone you connect with. But rolling the dice to find that person or those ppl can be really draining. Aww well, all the best!

Social media destroyed society and changed the dating scene forever ♾️

To reinforce something you said, as you get older you get set in your ways. If you're single and then get in a relationship in your late 40's or 50's, changing your lifestyle completely can be a major challenge. It takes a very strong relationship to overcome that.

The problem is that u can’t dismantle hookup culture. It’s too engraved into the media and the people who consume it. U just have to learn to deal with it. It’s a case of, if u end up alone, u end up alone. I’m 27, went through a breakup with my first girlfriend, and now a part of me is starting to believe that it’ll be my last because of how prevalent this culture is. I’m hopeful that I’ll find love again, but it’s turning into a fool’s hope. If anyone can give me some positive reinforcement, and some advice as to how to meet new people, especially women, in real life, let me know.

Having been with around 15 women by the age of 26, this is 100% true. It’s taken me a while to undo the damage from rewiring my brain to not crave hooking up with new girls. I’ve realized the apps are designed the make you lonelier, and capitalize on that. And realized I need to become the man that my future wife wants me to be. I’ve definitely gained a lot of confidence with women as a result, and a lot of sexual experience to where it doesn’t intimidate me anymore, so there are positives, but there comes a point where you realize your time is running out and you need to grow up. That being said, I’ve tried creating monogamous relationships with many girls on these apps, and I’ve never cheated or talked to more than one girl at once, but many of them are used to this culture too and it’s trash.

As a 28y woman who hasn’t had a serious relationship ever, I don’t even know how to approach dating nowadays, I do feel like my time is running out for certain things I would like to do, but oh well, I’m okay with the plan b which is being a happy cat lady, I’ve accepted that true love isn’t meant for everyone

Patience, I really love your videos! I'm not part of any of those movements and am kinda watching it from outside and lacked the understanding of all this. Your essays really help me understand those people and I therefore highly value your work. Your calm way of explaining is fantastic - thank you and keep up the awesome work! 💕

This is the way I’m trying to think. I’ve been guilty of calling men trash and staying “I hate men” as well. I hope everyone works on stopping this trend of lumping everyone into one category. I feel like it’s not done now because saying “my ex is trash” or “I hate my ex” makes people sound more bitter towards their ex. Whereas saying “men are trash” sounds more broad. Still sounds bitter but less than if you were more specific. Also it’s easier to put the blame on others than take accountability. I struggle with this but I try do my best in taking accountability in situations like this bc it’s already such a big issue I’d rather do anything I can do to not make the problem worse.

The saddest thing is that most men would probably prefer to have a meaningful monogamous connection with a woman, but most women don't believe they do and most men don't believe women do either. The worst people in are society are currently the most vocal and the most visible right now, and it's making such a huge number of people feel so hopeless. I know so many women who struggle while dating cause they are waiting for marriage. And I also know so many men who believe women are all sluts or "reformed" sluts who would never be faithful. I myself am waiting for marriage, and my main problem is my introverted personality. I struggle in social settings and putting myself out there. That's basically the reason I'm single. But the older I get, the more men assume I'm just your average slut. They try to date me, but then realize I'm actually wanting to build a gradual connection with them and am not going to be intimate with them immediately. And that's generally when they lose interest. From my perspective at least, most guys seem to go for the socially skilled and extroverted type women. And all of those types of women are either married very young or they are indeed participants in hookup culture. So it's no wonder that, later in life, men think all the single women are sleeping around. Cause yes, pretty much all the extroverted ones are doing that. And the introverted women aren't easy to find or notice.

This is one of the most cogent explanations of the current dating scene and I am here for it! I've subscribed and wish you all the success that KZfaqland can provide. Also want to add on to Joe Rogan's point about men having psychological needs to have families and connect with their spouses. I fully believe that our society is spiritually devoid by focusing on the physical and even just on the psychological. This isn't purely the domain of religion, r new age beliefs. A lot of men do consider things like legacy, making a positive change in the world and leaving behind a better society for those coming after, which to me reside more in the spiritual domain. It gives our life purpose and meaning.

Hookup culture degrades our love-culture, it's ridiculous for everyone involved. It's absurd, and I've always known that. In middle school, some kids pulled my leg because I replied that of course I would have been still a virgin in my twenties, and they thought this was hilarious and tried to make fun of it. So of course, I made fun on them because they were in the wrong 😂😂😂 and this never bothered me

I agree 1000% percent. During my early 20s this culture almost destroyed me. It's difficult to love a girl when the body of other women is in your mind. The way to heal is to not enter a relationship until you learn the 5 love languages and detox from all the imagery and memories of hooking up. It's a very difficult and painful healing process but it's possible. PLEASE do not listen to those redpill guys who say men can have casual sex, all of those men will have to deal with emotional pain and psychosis. A man is supposed to protect his partner not destroy her by given her pleasure and then leaving her. This act leads to great shame.

I'm a guy and I've never participated in hook up culture. I spent my 20's and 30's being either ignored by women or told I was too nice to date. I'm about to hit 40 and in 20 years had one girl friend. The last time I was on a date was near 20 years ago. Despite not participating I've still found myself in the same place as all the people who did. The innocent are getting caught in the gears just like the guilty. Women are the only ones that can change things. I'm afraid its too late for me and other men of my age like me, but I can hope and pray there is hope for the younger ones.

This is the best video I have found to explain the problems caused by online dating.... great job !!!!!

I was terrified when it dawned on me y'all weren't joking about the hookup culture existence. I'm from Eastern Europe and it's so hard for me to understand. I've seen a couple of videos on tiktok and found out some people also use no condom on purpose when contacting multiple partners?! 'Body count' was a discovery for me as well... Feel like a kindergartener. And the idea of dating for dating and sex for sex is so agonizing, why do you have to force yourself into a relationship? It's absolutely okay to keep searching for a good person that will bring you mutual love and understanding, no matter the age. One of the reasons I don't like some western countries. This shit is crazy

You’ve hit the nail on the head multiple times. As one of the 85%, I am just as scared for being alone forever, like the man in the story, but by no fault of my own. I am still very young (22) and have never been liked by a girl, and I fear I’ll never be loved. I don’t even care for the hookup culture and do want to try and settle down asap, but it’s just so hard when no one wants me. However, unlike the loudest people online (and in person), I prefer not to hate people but rather the culture. Which is why I clicked right away when I saw your video. If our generation didn’t prioritize sex and gave every man and woman a chance regardless of their looks and social status, we’d see a lot more people who want to settle down and live experiences with that special someone. Edit: seeing a lot of people say “get a job/focus on career”, I’ve been doing it for the last 6 years and it has led me to a top tech job

As a guy who can’t participate in hookup culture even if I wanted too you’re right I don’t hate the women who have constantly rejected me I hate the culture

As a guy who heavily participated in hook up culture in the past and was very successful, I can honestly say it is a bad thing for just about everyone involved and even those who aren't involved due to the repercussions it has. The perspective I had as someone who was successful is that most people don't enjoy it and are actually miserable from it. Successful guys have fun with it for a while, but it gets old, and a lot of BS comes with it, too. It's why they often pump and dump. Guys who aren't successful are often envious and angry about something that isn't what they expect. Girls even more so don't enjoy it. I think very few genuinely enjoy it for any length of time. It hits them really hard when they get pumped and dumped because that is a big form of rejection by the guy towards the woman. It can hit girls pretty hard when sex is a deeper emotional thing for them. So, for the guy to then disappear after what they see as an emotional bonding experience, he wrecks havoc on their emotions and confidence. I didn't understand this for a while, but coming to that realization is what kinda killed hookup culture for me. Felt guilty about causing that kinda pain when I look back.

If I'm being real I used to dislike women because they didn't sleep with me but as I got older I realized that was just a reflection of my insecurities in part of the fact that I felt sexually inadequate but when I actually had a relationship I'd ALWAYS treat her like shit. I had to be single for a while to realize how I was apart of the problem and how I was feeding into the shit. Now I'm at a point where Im better off just focusing on my own goals and whoever I attract I attract. For the record relationships are fucking suffocating. Sure there's some benefits but you gotta be ready to put up or shut up in some situations. Sex is fun but it's not really a big deal for me. Honestly most of my hookups ended dramatically (except for the ones I've ghosted). Moral of the story: just focus on you and put yourself out there in a non toxic/ respectful manner and realize that most relationships take time to develop. Literally just focus on you ATM

after being in a toxic relationship trying to make it work, i now find solace in being single. i'd much rather stay single the rest of my life than be with someone who doesnt respect me or love me for who i am and not try to make me into something im not.

From an outside “old person” perspective, hookup culture looks like a very appealing machine that churns out cynical people with lots of regrets. I also think that “the good old days”, when marriage was a strong institution, the wedlock machine was not much different. Many married couples were incredibly unhappy, But at least back then kids had two unhappy parents at worst instead of one absent neglectful mother and a series of stand in males rotating in and out their life

As soon as I heard oxytocin, I subbed. You are a well-informed individual, and I look forward to seeing the further growth of your channel.

Your rationale and dialogue makes for a great discussion. Please don't stop posting, and thanks for contributing :)

I'm in my 40s and have never used a dating app. I'm in a long term relationship with a younger woman. I can remember a time before the apps were normalised in society. They are not helping us. People are not products to be selected or rejected based on an algorithm. I hate the distance between men and women now, I don't think anyone is happier in the west. We have everything at a touch of a button and are all the more miserable for it. Human connection is being replaced by choice as dictated by tech companies. Loneliness is crushing people, but because of the more for less convenience culture we're leaning harder into it in the hope that the drug relieves the pain, not cure us. I can't stand hookup culture. I think men and women are both responsible for it, and can only fix it if we reject it, but it's going to be hard. Nothing is better than romance, and taking a risk on someone for love. Your channel is great, only a matter of time before you blow up so keep going and speaking freely.

I have been waiting for so long to hear women talk about these issues. There is a lot I am trying to unlearn and heal from as a 25 year old man and all of these women content creators coming around talking about these things is saving my life please keep making videos like this!!

I've been single for a few months now and I've never been into hookup culture. Men or women, dating just seems to be so much harder now. With society, the media, etc having the attitude that "they'll always cheat" or having a side chick/dude I think it's even worse. I just hope I find someone...

She's both right and wrong. Right that hookup culture is hurting us and that there are so many guys paying OnlyFans and the other chicks nowadays, but it's not as cut-and-dried as that. She is still pretending, like others who try to explain the Lonely Male phenomenon, that the lonely male exists more than the lonely female, which is not true. Lonely, single women who are angry and depressed about not being able to find a man are prevalent, and many of these women still feel lonely in their relationship. The difference is that women want to keep the spotlight only on these lonely males because they don't want their loneliness to appear worse than those guys. Reason being that women obsess over being the desired ones who get attention, and enjoy all the talk, ideas, and image of being the gender who can "always get a date" or "always find sex." And they enjoy that men are angry and depressed about it. She also is trying to make it as if hooking up is men's fault and that so many women out there are helplessly giving in to casual sex because it means maybe the guy will eventually love her. Tons of women hook up with guys who are the ones that catch feelings, but she doesn't want a relationship and so they will ghost these guys. I've even known women personally who've admitted that to me. You have just as many females wanting and enjoying hook up life for exactly what it is and nothing more just like the guys. Overall her view is still intelligent in that hook up culture is decadent and has degraded our society, but it's still not entirely balanced in regards to females' willfullness in it.

I’m 30, single, never married, never participated in hookup culture, prioritized a career of changing the world for the better and have finally settled down career-wise. I’ve been for quite some time looking for someone who also cares about making the world a better place with me but have found it to be incredibly difficult to find and obtain love with someone like that due to a lot of what you said.

Never got into the hook up shit, im a relatively attractive dude. Wasn’t looking for any sort of relationship with a female and then out of nowhere shit just started developing naturally with this girl. Nobody forced anything on anyone, shit felt so unreal and happy.

Well put! I hope you'll explore another angle to this in future: those who are saddled with the direct and indirect effects of hookup culture in addition to PMO. We find ourselves in a different kind of trap that sort of seems like an alternative at first 😕

You broke it down so well, I had to subscribe to your page because if you are this throughout with your research then I am excited to see your other content!

Really appreciate you for providing such good insight and also raising more awareness about the detrimental effects of hook-up culture on us men. I'd also like to add, that with the sexual revolution society has indeed perpetuated the idea of "Sex, sex, sex, and more sex". Almost all forms of media is bombarded with images of attractive and highly desirable men and women. And this affects us subconsciously. Without us knowing we are greatly motivated to take courses of action that will lead to more sex. Men study game, workout in the gym, increase their confidence and charisma, and work incredibly hard to create a name for himself and be wealthy and successful. If you ask a man why he goes through all this most likely he'll tell you that one of the main reasons why - is so that he can have sex with as many beautiful women he wants. Now we can say that in a way this is the natural order of things as with evolution, mating and selection, but I don't think that many men have actually stop to think real hard and come to the maddening realization that we have been heavily influenced and conditioned by society to think this way. We men as well as women of today have become hypersexualized. For men it's an ego thing. The privilege and ability to sleep with as many beautiful women as he wants may definitely sound like the dream for many. But after listening to a lot of successful, respectable, and great men who've gone through this it seems that they've one thing to say in common - That the playboy and hookup lifestyle is shallow and empty. And this goes well with the message shared in this video. It only in a way boosts your ego guys. But why would you need that boost if you have more significant things in life going for you? If you take that kind of lifestyle also you're more prone to get some form of STD. You may also accidentally impregnate a random girl and that may cost you, her and your children a life that none of you ever wanted. Bear in mind as well every time you have sex with a random person you are forever imprinting a part of your soul to them and they to you. With all these negatives in consideration why is there still this predominant need for us to have sex with so many people? Because it's alpha? Maybe it's also because that is what society has fed to you your whole life? Personally I think that it would really be great if we could all just slow down and take the time to get to know our partners first. Love is special you know. No matter how cheesy it may sound. Having that genuine and deep bond with someone you truly want to be with will always trump a random midnight booty call with that hot person. These are just my opinion. Thank you for taking the time to read.

The thing about hook-up culture imo from personal experience as a man is it's not the actual sex itself (porn can fulfill that need in a way) but the feeling of being desired or getting a woman to desire you that's intoxicating. There's also a sense of power and control in play too especially when "catching" feelings come into the equation. It's not like I didn't have some feelings for these women or want a relationship. it's more of you're just spoiled for choice and it's easy to become indecisive. Sometimes I miss the times I had that were like this, but it's a losing game because the women eventually find someone or leave on their own and I'm left all alone. I blame media and society for encouraging this behavior. Men are taught to believe that their self-worth comes from sleeping with as many women as they can rather than striving for achievments.

Your channel is amazingly produced and very though provoking! Definitely a big fan of the content keep going!

Thanks for speaking up on this matter, it’s easy to follow the crowd or just watch and say nothing, but takes courage to speak out against popular trends.

I gave up entirely on women and dating and I've honestly never felt more fulfilled and realized in my entire life. I managed to get the job I always wanted, I'm economically stable, can afford to pursue my hobbies, and spend my free time with my family and friends. The fact that getting away from dating removed such an amount of toxicity from my life, despite me going against my biological imperative to procreate, made me happier, speaks volumes about the state of modern relationships. To me, the problem is not only hook up culture, but the lack of decency and boundaries that our society keep pushing on everybody. Having a lot of sex is seen as a positive thing for both sexes; but to me, there is no intrinsec value in having sex just for the sake of it. Why not just hire a prostitute or a gigolo, then? The meaning of having a partner is reduced to "he is my dealer of sex". That's literally modern relationships in a nutshell.

I am against hook up culture, but you just opened my eyes with some new approaches. Thank you 💜

As a man, I agree! Quit waisting energy on people who don’t care in the end! Stay focused on your health and ambition and that person will come into your life when you least expect it.

Being old and alone is incredibly sad and I do not wish this upon anybody. Yes, if you get married and have children, you can still have a bad relationships but there will be somebody. Imagine being old, all your friends are gone, your parents are gone, you have no husband/wife, no children, no grandkids, you are alone. This is what the modern world tells you is what you should strive for. To die alone, forgotten.

I’m like a 4.5/5 out of 10 and I met my fiancé and hen I was 17 and I’m 22 now. I can tell you that if you’re gay straight bi whatever genuinely falling in love and spending your life with someone who you never get tired of is an experience unequaled by anything else.