I can admit that I desperately wanted to be seen. It was hard because people would assume being the only child that you automatically get the attention that’s required but I am living proof that, that is not always the case. My persistence in being “seen” came with arrogance, pride and ego. It also led to some demise’s in my life.
When Holy Spirit revealed to me that I was still dealing with “attention seeking” it became evident that my heart was exposed and I started to feel remorse. He revealed to me that self seeking attention was dangerous. That the reason he says in his word to not practice righteousness was to protect me from strife. But at a young age I didn’t understand and honestly refuse God’s hand.
Me self seeking led to me being shot and even led to being sexually token advantage of. It left me open and vulnerable. By no means am I saying I deserve any of this. What I am saying is that Holy Spirit warned me and gave me wisdom and I chose to disobey him. It wasn’t in his will for these things to happen but since we have free will I fell short to the sword.
As Holy Spirit cleanses me - he reminds me who runs the show. He reminds me that my arrogance in the world is not fit for the kingdom. That in fact every time I allow my flesh to rise he demotes me. That until I come into agreement who’s the real star of the show I will remain in the same place.
Once I realized that my life is truly not my own and I live for him and him alone was when my voice/conviction became stronger to teach his word. To LIVE by his word. To being adamant and persistent in dying to self daily for him.
I am nothing apart from him. I hope if anything you’ve gained something from me and my story. Be careful not to feel entitled or higher than self before God. Be confident yes, but not arrogant. The Bible says diligently that “the realm of the flesh can not please God”. And this is why.
Matthew 6:1 “Be careful not to perform your righteous acts before men to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven”.
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