It’s hard when you’re nb and you swing back and forth between wanting it and being comfortable without it

That’s really reassuring to hear you say “you do what your body/mind is telling you to do” it seems so obvious but I was just completely ignoring that

Honestly... I mostly think of myself as an almost binary boy that was just born with a condition resulting in his body not producing testosterone. I don't like the word trans and I don't know how much of it is internalized transphobia and how much is me not liking to be trans. I felt fake because I thought I had to identify as a trans boy in order to really be trans. But I'm just a boy. I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable with it but I'll take my time and I'll be alright.

I still don't know if I should transition. I feel like it's the right choice and I would be happy as a transitioned male, but when you are just exhausted and depressed and scared of change, then the process seems too overwhelming. I want to wait until I feel ready to tackle the process of legal changes, social changes, leaving my partner to live alone, and medical changes, but at the same time I just want it to have already happened.

Hi chase. I’m 17 and have been wanting to start T right away. My mom thinks I need to wait until “I’m older” but I think this video made me realize maybe waiting for less than a year will be ok. Thank you for this video & awesome content😌

Thank you for saying what you did in this video. I feel like I look around and at age 21 I feel like I see that every trans person around me is like 12 so I feel like I am behind and need to “catch up” but this video made me feel like I am going at my pace which is a little more slow but it’s my life. Thank you sooo much. ❤️❤️

I started hormones 4 years after my first appointment with a therapist. Because I was not ready. I needed the time and was so ready to get on hormones. And I booked my top surgery almost 2 years after my first t injection. If someone needs time to thing, to reflect, let them take the time! Don't rush them. It's a so much needed topic. Thank you, Chase

Well, I only figured out last September during psychotherapy. I was 24, have a kid and had a partner at the time (it ended very soon after). Discovering my real gender tore me apart - I didn't take it well, tried doing everything I could to not make it the case. It was horrible and destructive. I worked through just accepting the term and its application to myself, and that took the longest; I still struggle that it's my reality some days. Other days I feel awesome but that is generally when I look more like myself. In the UK, we have a 2 year wait list just to see a gender clinic. I have another 19 months or so until i can talk to someone about it, possibly 2 years till I can transition. Then another year for top surgery. Before I can get to the point where I see myself, I have no choice but to wait years. I will be almost 30 by the time I see myself and that hurts so badly. Mostly, I struggle to feel i exist, the idea of coming out to family scares me a lot - my mom believes i am gonna mess with my sons life so i should relocate, until I transition medically, not to tell anyone. She is only parent who knows, it crushed me. I cannot do anything about it other than go to the gym, do my art and write like crazy. I am trying to tell myself, that getting my life in order, getting a good job, moving to a more accepting city with my son, getting back to therapy and doing everything I can will mean when I do get to transition, I will be so much better for it. Despite how bad my dysphoria can make me feel (and trust me it gets scary bad), if someone offered me T right now, I would say no. If I still feel scared that people notice I could be trans, I am no where near ready. I gotta do a lot of healing inside first, a lot of creating safety in my life and severing some dangerous ties before I do that, because the person I want to be... Deserves more. What I do now protects that person. My sacrifice and pain now means future me will have the very best life. For now, I wont exist, and I will cry and yell and hide and hurt, not see myself, not feel I am real, give up on interpersonal interaction, because of that pain. But in future, I may never have to again, and I will have built the best possible start for me AND my son as I transition. Thank you for the video, sorry for my long ass reply.

I have a hormone consultation today. And I know for 100% sure I am ready. Tired of being riddled with dysphoria and having it make my life suck.

I knew transition was right for me simply because i knew my life could only get better from socially/medically transitioning. I tell this to people when they ask, I was suffering a lot mentally because I had known I was comfortable presenting as male from age 5 and when I was 13 I met the first FTM person in my life (my art teacher) and immediately knew I wanted it. I was scared for a few years but when I got to be 15-16 I realized that I was miserable being called a girl and even vaguely presenting as a girl. I wanted every change from T and I did everything possible to hide my chest so I figured why the fuck not? I was sitting there being scared only because of other people and really I needed to do what was best for ME. Once I started socially transitioning, I knew I needed to medically transition so I got T and top surgery ASAP. It's scary to think your body is going to change but again, I knew that I could only benefit from getting surgery because I was binding every day anyways. I view bottom surgery the same way. I hate what I have currently, I literally get dysphoric from PEEING. So by getting bottom surgery, I'm not losing anything. I can only gain. I need a penis, I'm 18, so I realized that I need to stop being afraid of superficial things and recovery when in the long run my life can only benefit from this. I know this was long and not the case for everyone but this is my experience.

I'm sitting here depressed because I dont have insurance (I'm american) and have no income of my own (stay at home parent) so T is so far from my grasp... and it hurts every damn day...

I don’t know how you read my mind but I REALLY needed this today, thank you so much 🙌🏻💚

I couldn't recognize myself either and I had to adapt to my new face. I'm probably going to go through it a few more times. I still don't feel completely like Sanjay, I still feel like [deadname] but I know that one day I'm going to be this whole new person, like you are Chase. That's what I can't wait for. I was 4 when I knew I was meant to be a boy. I would dress like a boy even though it was frowned down upon in the 90s. People were always teasing me. It was more common than cruel to tell someone born as a girl that they were not a boy. I knew I couldn't exactly admit that I wanted to be a boy so I would create these vivid film length stories in my mind about a young boy protagonist. I could spend hours in my mind just seeing what it was like to live as a boy. My imagination was so strong it was enough for me to cope in a world that wouldn't let me be trans. I was also raised Pentecostal (Evangelical) who I recently found out don't like us trans people, not one bit. I got really depressed by the time I was 12 and started liking guys, because I knew I wasn't exactly gay but that I felt like I was a boy who liked boys. By my late teens I decided to suppress the trans side of me so people could accept me more and shut it with the jokes, and also so I could date. By my 20s I had totally forgotten about my old trans life until transgender got more mainstream. I came out when I was 30. Started hormones in May and I really regret not starting sooner. Hell, I wish I could have taken hormone blockers. I absolutely hate my chest but I'm making the decision for top surgery by December, which will mark 3 years since I came out as trans.

Thank. You. So. Much!! This helped so much!!! I'm non binary trans and I'm considering top surgery, but I'm conflicted on 'am I ready now but I'm not sure but it would be good' or should I wait until I have that 'I need this!' moment, and it sucks! This helped me realise that waiting is okay, and not a bad thing. Ivm going to wait and see what summer is like for binding - I live in Auckland, NZ and summers are hot, humid and all over the place, so that should be a crucial part. Kia Kaha (stay strong) and much aroha (love) from New Zealand!

I never thought I could explain how I knew I was trans and, you kind of did it perfectly, oof,,

I love your videos, I'm not out yet, but your videos help me stay a little sane

I didn’t understand what my dysphoria was and now I’ve started presenting male I feel better in myself but I feel less attractive and my dysphoria has lessened. My biggest fear is making a mistake because I have OCD and it makes me question everything so severely so it’s hard to conclude if I should medically transition or not because I’m not used to seeing myself this way. I’m 26 and planning to wait a while before I start T.

Good subject! I remember when I was 4 years old asking my mom "Why didn't you make me a boy, I don't want to be a girl." I just was labeled as a "tomboy" my whole growing up years, but when I was 9 and started to grow on top, I was DEVASTATED. Getting my first bra was the most awful think of my life at the time. I'm 41 now (just for reference), and I didn't even KNOW that transition was an option, and back then they didn't know about it as much as we do now. I got my tubes tied right after I got pregnant and lost it when I was around 25. I got my first ovary removed when I was 34 (cysts). I got a uterine ablation when I was 34 later that year from too much pain during the 3 weeks of the month. I got a breast reduction when I was around 35, and I told the surgeon "Please make them as small as possible!" but I ended up with a C that turned back into DD (I gained weight) about 38 I got a full hysto along with the other ovary removed (YAY!!) I got my DI top surgery just 18 weeks ago, and have an appointment next week to go in for consult on getting my revisions. I started T almost 3 years ago, and NEVER felt better in my life after getting everything gone that was causing my troubles! It's not all happy glory, my boyfriend of 14 years has been growing more distant, no more PDA and such, he keeps saying he'll let me know when the "line is crossed" for him that he doesn't want to be my boyfriend any more. most people around me are OK with my transition, but there are those few who just stay away from me know, and that's fine, because I'm still the same mind and heart, just changing the outside to match the inside (mind). I've been going to therapy and trying different psychiatric medications probably about 20 years for many mental and physical health issues. I don't heal right (connective tissue disease, fibromyalgia, myofacial pain, degenerative disk disease, and lots of on and off hypertension, anxiety, major depressive disorder and PTSD). I feel a bit more at ease when I'm by myself, but I live in a small community so am always looking over my shoulder for those who are unaccepting and are out to beat up "the different people (LGBTQ)" around here. Insurance was a HUGE block to my transition, I found out to call them "gatekeepers" who didn't think that I had any issue with my body until I told my therapist and she brought up transitioning. My friend who is gay first called me "a guy trapped in a woman's body" and I was floored that someone actually KNEW what I was going through! WHEW. That's it so far! I hope you all are doing well and I'm glad there is help out there for all of us now! BLESS!!!

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU... My son is trans, I love him and support him unconditionally, we will start the hormone therapy (T) in a couple of months (16th birthday), now we are in pre-T treatment ... He came out with your 101 list, I am very grateful for your videos, but most of all, your honesty. Thank you very much, love from Mexico... (Sorry for my english)

This is so unrelated but omg I swear I looked away from the screen for one second and when I look back I see that you now have a cat in your arms!

CAT WALL IS BACK!!

i’m living for this video! chase, you’re such an inspiration. 💕

Needed this right now, more than ever. Thank you chase ❤

This is so important 💛 thanks for making these

yeah, i rlly struggle with this. i kinda identify as nonbinary/transmasculine. however, i don't feel confident in my chosen name and pronouns so i feel like T is too big of a jump for me. if i'm not even sure about my name and pronouns, if that makes any sense. plus, another important thing: what i want from T isn't really the physical changes (hey, if i decide to go on T and end up liking those changes, that's rlly freakin' awesome, and i HOPE that would happen to me lol) but, anyway... it isn't the physical changes of T i want, facial hair, deep voice, ect. it's the feeling of having the hormone "T" in my veins. i feel like i have the wrong hormone and i wonder/hope T is the right one. idk how to explain it. like i'm so moody, angry, anxious. i know T makes you more on edge, but i wonder if it also balances the mood out. i'd feel better, less depression and anxiety, y'know? actually live my life and make friends and not be cautious about my gender and "passing" i'm not sure how i want to pass either. i want to look male (sometimes in a desperate way) just to see if i'll feel more comfortable. i'd rather pass as male than female. i just don't wanna look super masculine. i'm so complicated. :P i'm seeing a gender therapist and she's rlly good and knowledge with all gender identities. she stated in my last appointment that she could see T in my future. it's all weird. D:

Thank you for this video Chase. I’m almost 3 weeks on T now (started on August 31st). I was forced to wait until I turned 18 to medically transition, but looking back I am glad that I waited because even 6 months ago I wasn’t mentally ready to start hormones, even though I really wanted to

Thank you for being so honest. This topic is really important. I am trying to make sure that I am ready before I make any big decisions regarding my medical transition.

Amazing video, I love how raw and honest about your experiences you are in your videos, the good, the bad, the thinking and waiting. You really show the level of thought and care with which people often go into transition (Which some people seem to think Trans people don't do or... worse...). Love your videos, one of my favorite things about your channel as a whole.

Thank you for this. I have really been struggling lately with the question of "readiness" and this video is really reassuring. I don't think I AM ready right now, but I can tell it's just over the horizon. Seeing other nb-spectrum people get top surgery and the relief and happiness that comes with it has influenced the way I think about my own future. Sometimes I think I'm going too fast; sometimes not fast enough. What you said in this video about some people being ready at 14 and others at 60 is a good reminder that there is not such thing as a set timeline on a personal journey. That's definitely something I needed reminding of.

This is what I needed to hear today. I spent all day reading about dysphoria and journaling about mine, and though I want to get started on hormones I know I'm not ready to accept it yet. Thank you for telling your story, and reminding me that it's okay to be patient.

Thank you for this.. I had a lot of repression and it only recently came up to click that I'm trans and not Nonbinary.. I'm 23 and learning that its not too late has taken a huge weight off my shoulders because I was so scared that I learned too late.. that I wouldn't be able to Transition or ever be comfortable in my body, but I'm starting to think I am ready and capable. Your video helped a lot, so thank you

This video gives me hope. I'm 28 years old and starting T in 3 weeks. I have been waiting The Tday almost 2 years now. I'm sooo ready!! Thank you Chase for making these awesome and helpful videos.

Thank you Chase for sharing and being so honest! Loving you hair too!!

i'm actually extremely relieved that you are sharing everything from your transition, or at least everything that i need to hear. i've honestly been suffering so much and just recently started transitioning a few months ago. i can't explain every detail, as much as i'd like to just pour my heart out, but i feel like your experience is pretty similar to what i'm experiencing right now, and i'm super happy that there is someone out there who didn't fit all of the boxes. Since my experience with dysphoria and just coming to terms with my needing to transition is just so different than anyone elses, its hard to really feel valid with my experience. i don't how to word it properly, but just thank you Chase. Thank you so fucking much, you've taught me through your videos that i actually am a human being haha. If I ever get the chance to thank you in person, I will gladly take it, although I'd probably cry haha

Hey Chase. I wanted to thank you. You were what helo me come to terms with who I am and what I needed. I had my first T shot three days ago and its been a breath of fresh air and Im excited for the road to come. I hope I get to continue to do it and use your videos to educate my friends and family like I have going into this.

Nice words! Me, 23, been watching your videos for ages, since tumblr was the new thing. It took those years Till August 2018 to Start hormones.

Chase! Thankyou for another life-affirming video. I am 44 yrs old from the UK. I realised I was trans non-binary early 2016, with the help of your videos. How i realised I am trans is a long story for another time, I have lifelong depression and anxiety. I got a referral to my nearest gender clinic straight away and I've been on the waiting list for 30 months so far. The first 20 months of waiting were pretty bad for my mental health. My dysphoria gets bad and I just can't wait for top surgery, except I have zero choice. I can't bind and some days I hate being in my skin so badly. Recently though i have started to realise that this waiting time is a bit of a blessing. It has allowed me time to reflect, meditate, visualise, go to therapy, get fit, lose weight and really, really prepare myself for the top surgery for which I am waiting. I still feel the wait and I still have dysphoria however I am staying positive and trying to not act like my life is on hold. This is getting long and rambling. Basically I'm trying to say life is a mental challenge, if you can find the right place in your mind and body, you can cope with more than you ever thought possible. My new wait time for surgery is about 2 years from now and getting longer all the time. But I hang in there. The treatment is free so I wait, I prepare and I look at the joy on your face, Ash's face, Aaron's face and look forward to a time that is me.

Beautiful message! Thank you so much for sharing! 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾❤️

Omg chase thank you so much! This is exactly what I need right right now! Somehow I'm on the fence about transition medically. This is all I can think about constantly.

I really needed this video, as 19 years old trans man who wants to get testosterone soon. There's still a lot of medical examinations to go through where I live and it's still awaiting me, so I still have time. And then... I'll see if I'm ready, because with every month coming I feel more ready, but at the same time I obviously have doubts sometimes. Hearing this helped me to feel like it's okay if I decide it's not the time yet, but it's also okay if I feel the need to keep going further. I know it's a kind of old video already, but thank you.

This question has been haunting me a lot today, it's like you're reading my mind. Thanks for making this video! I'm currently in this weird place where I know for sure that I'm trans but I'm not ready to transition yet. I have so many other things going on job-wise, with my future, relationship and family. I know that I just couldn't handle coming-out now or even start to transition in any way. It's so weird because I've been suffering with this for years and I've kinda always known and I finally got to the point to admit it to myself and I watch like hours of youtube where I can see how it would improve my life but right now my life is so unsteady that I want to hold on to the few steady things I have, at least for a little longer, and rather do some more soul-searching with a gender therapist. I've been wondering about how I know that I'm ready for three years now (I'm 25) and I started to believe I will never find out and always be miserable and feel lost. But the past months I felt my social dysphoria growing for the first time. Like, I thought it was always just my upper body I wasn't okay with and about the rest I didn't care but that was just denial. Now my name feels weird, pronouns irritate me, I once got misgendered and I felt ecstatic. And now, I'm thinking, maybe this is what I needed. For it to get worse and worse to the point of being unbereable in order to be sure. I'm pretty sure in the future when I will look back on this journey I will think to myself "damn, why didn't you do this earlier?" so I want to remind myself that this is what I needed at the time and that I just wasn't ready.

The moment I found out about top surgery and researched it, I knew it was right for me. I’ve been binding for almost 2 years and experiencing summer and other events with a binder helped me realize I needed a long term solution to my dysphoria. I definitely relate to what you said about waiting and not letting people rush you. I’m still not sure if testosterone will be a part of my transition and I’m taking it very slow to find out if it is truly something I want. I wish more people talked about this.

Hey Chase, this video and the topic of "How I knew transition was the right thing" realIy got to me so I decided to write this comment so maybe somebody will read this and... I don't even know. I don't even excpect anybody to help me but I guess I just need to say what's on my mind cause I feel like the loneliness and having no one to talk to is killing me(literally). So, I feel like I'm trans (I'm 24 now but actually knew it my whole life) but to actually transition is scaring the shit outta me, mostly cause I know that my family (especially my mother) will never accept and abandon me- I simply know that man, she's super cruel and so so conservative but I still can't just say "fuck off, I'm doing what I have to do" cause I love my family too much at the same time and I'm too much of a family- type of human. Plus I really don't want my parents to feel bad because of that, I know that they probably will fall into a hole knowing that I'm trans and will ask themselves what they have "done wrong" or some shit, I know that's bullshit but I feel like I have to go on living a fake life and persona just to protect them and see them happy. :( But the biggest problem is that I'm not even 100% sure if I'm ftm or if maybe I'm non-binary or something?! And this confusion and not knowing who you really are is making me going nuts man! Like I know I don't wanna be a woman, or that I AM not a woman and I do feel like I'm a man in most aspects but when I imagine someone calling me "he / him" it still feels weird and a little uncomfortable. And that makes me think. It's just this pronoun-thing.. But maybe it's just cause it is unusual to me know and I would have to get used to it, oh man, I don't know.But I saw some videos recently where trans guys said that they had this confusion or this feeling of "I'm something in the middle" at the beginning too.. I just wish I could get a t-shot already and then figure out if I like the changes or not and everything, but I just feel like I won't be able to handle all of the hate from my mother, from society and all the steps like all of the surgeries etc.! I'm falling into PANIC thinking about my future! And then really dark, deep thoughts come into my mind... I just feel like I'm losing it man, slowly but safely I'm losing it. I can't imagine going on like that for even some years... And the thing is that I can't talk about that to anybody, I'm just too damn much ashamed and shy, even a little social phobic. Not a single friend of mine knows this secret. But I'm SO fed up on living a life that's just not mine, that's just not me. I wanna scream in their face: "Don't you see that I'm a man??? Ho can't you see?" However I guess my last chance is to try coming out to some friends, I just need to get all of my courage together and do it. I WANNA live, I don't want death to get to me!! But everything seems so hard and I feel defeated.

Thank you for talking about this. I needed this video. I'm still coming to terms with myself.

That vid was super helpful, thanks so much

i've been feeling this so much recently. thank you chase

How did you read my mind???? I NEED THIS

Thank you, I really needed this. Also, I LOVE YOUR SHIRT

No idea how you knew this is exactly what I've been thinking about

Your sound quality, blessss...It's so hard to hear a lot of KZfaqrs.

EXCELLENT vid!! I like that you said you can never to too old to transition. After many bouts of depression over DECADES, the final suicidal episode landed me in the office of an awesome counselor. Following several weeks of talking, I said I would like to transition and she was very supportive, instructing me to bring it up with my GP. Although he seemed slightly surprised 😮 I think he knew it was coming, but not sure when. He connected me with an amazing broken allergist

Thank you Chase, I really needed this. 💕

Thank you for making this video, and more specifically, for not mentioning dysphoria. Dysphoria, in my experience, is a pretty common motivation for many to transition. I don't feel it, but I feel like I would be happier if I transitioned, but I'm so uncertain because so many people talk about dysphoria and how it often spurs the process (at least in my country), so I feel all the time like I don't have the right to transition because I don't feel dysphoria. But this video made me feel better about it, like I could also feel happier in my body

THE CAT WALL!!!! also tysm for this video chaseypoo, you always have the right words

I also needed this. Things are on pause because of my financial situation making it too risky to 'start over' with big changes and mental health stuff etc, getting so much doubt and not 100% supported still but yeah. Thank you

Thank you for this! I was out 5 years before starting low dose T, and the idea of listening to your body and mind really resonates. I like t-gel because I love being able to adjust the dose, skip days, listen to how I feel. Knowing a few pro-trans detransitioned people also helped, because the detrans women I know are basically like "I don't regret it, it's what I needed at the time, and I am not a 'worst case scenario.'" For me HRT also involved coming to terms with being fine with being perceived as a GNC or masc woman if my identity changed later on, seeing as I'm genderfluid.

I'm in the beginning of my transition, I had felt so pressured to get surgery and to change and it scared me, hearing from you and your story really helped me understand that I can take my time

For me, when I allowed myself to feel my masculinity, when I acknowledged myself as a masculine person, it was like I could deal with life's issues so much better. When I do that, I can actually think, like I have energy and a clear head and a PURPOSE. I decided that, despite all the doubts I have (yeay PTSD), I know I can achieve my potential and be a happier person as a man, and I can't do that as a woman.

More serious comment now. Thank you for this. I feel loads of pressure to 'prove' I'm trans to friends and family by throwing myself in the deep end because of the negative backlash I got at first from family. Like I have to be 100% certain and confidant all the time to show it's not a mistake and not hurt them more. I'm only just coming to grips with the idea that I need to do this on my own terms and my own timeline or I will end up regretting things later. Also, being 30, I know I put a lot of pressure on myself that I should know exactly what I want as an adult. Thankfully I have one friend who is totally understanding, she's coming with me to my first clinic appointment and made it clear that whatever choice I make she loves me as me.

Great video!

I have learned so much from watching your videos. Thank you so much.

Chase, thank you so much. Your videos have helped me so much during a difficult time with accepting that I want to transition to match my non-binary gender

I'm starting hormones this month so this is a pleasant surprise. Also- seeing ads on your videos is my kink

I'm actually really happy that a good friend of mine Lindsay told me about you because it means a lot to me hearing you talk about surgery I'm actually planning on saving up to get my top surgery hopefully when I'm 26 or 27 so I'm super excited and kinda nervous

After I started hormones at the end of 2014, everthing in my transition happens really fast and I was ready for each step. After two surgeries (mastectomy and hysterectomy) in 2015 my head was like ‚what the f*** happend?‘. Everything happend so fast that I can‘t really realise ist. I needed time for myself and I took this time. Now, three years later I feel like I have to transition a little bit more. Bottom surgeries are a big deal for me know but I can‘t make a decision. But I feel like I‘m going into the right direction and that‘s great. Sometimes taking a time-out from transition is really helpful to realise where you are and what you want. I totally agree with your words! Thanks for the video Chase ☺️

As soon as I found out that physical transition was a thing and that I didn’t have to live the way I was, there was no question. I would do anything to be cis, but since that’s impossible I have no choice but to do the next best thing.

A new video two days ago and i haven't seen this already! I see that I have been too busy doing nothing...

I started hrt less than a month ago, and since then, it hasn't/hadn't really been this freeing thing. At first that freaked me out, but now I have a little more patience, because when it's just me in the room I'm happy. When I have to talk to a doctor, and partcipate in this medical system that feels very "here is my body, professionals, do what you will" I go into survival mode, and I just do what I need to do to get it.

Thank you for this video! You're so amazing I respect you sooo much, you're so strong. You're my motivation to be who I wanna be and dont give up :)

I am living for this look hunty 💖💖 I was waiting for this vid and you delivered ily

I just realized it, because I was watching you YEARS AGO... Hearing you talk about it just clicked… But, unfortunately I was In denial for a very long time (in which time I kept watching your and other yt vids and everything about it I could find).. The feelings grew stronger and stronger.. First I wasn't sure if transition was right for me, but it changed the longer it took for me to cut the cords…. Once I did, 2 years ago, a weight was lifted of my shoulders! From a depressed closeted freak I was slowly smiling again: I knew what I was and I was out and I could start living MY life as I want it.. I live ''as the man'''I am for about a year now, while people do not see it (but great neighbours calling me HE help a lot), while talking to a psychologist for a year and waiting until I could get medical things done.. October 17th is the day I start my Testosteron, if my bloodwork comes back OK! I feel like I almost get to live my life as I was meant to all a long. The wait has been so long!! But I almost get to get in the ride of my life! at age 27.

I thought I was going to die when I realized/came to terms with being trans. I didn't start transitioning until 2 years ago when I was 28 but I always wanted to be a boy. But for me it was more of a you can't because I only associate trans with boys don't cry.

Sorry if you have already explained this but how did you go about going off of and then back on T? Like doctor wise? I feel like the gate keepers I’ve encountered wouldn’t be okay with that.

Thanks for the Video! Helped me a lot😊

I really needed this video

I have been helt back by the process a lot, and I still am. I started T a year after I got my first referral, but was ready far earlier. For months before I started T, I kept forgetting I was still pre T. In the end I needed it so badly, I could barely eat and barely go to school. I was too stressed, too depressed amd anxious all the time. When I finally started T I was back to my old self within days. Now I'm going through something similar with top surgery, though it's not nearly as bad as before. The binding is bad for my ribs, but mentally I'm okay.

There it is! Always good to see Cat Wall.

Thank you for also talking about how trans-represtation plays a crucial role pre oder during transition. I for example didn't know that ftm trans guys even existed until a couple of years ago (right before Caitlyn Jenner came out and trans people started getting more representation overall). And still to this day in my 21 years of life have I never talked to a trans person, met one in real life or heard about trans people in my own country, germany. All I know about trans related stuff comes from american/canadian trans youtubers or guys on instagram. I wish there was a trans group somewhere in my city or near me, but I've researched and trief to reach our for quiet a while now, and there is nobody in a 100km radius of me. I just think if we had trans representation in the german media and were taught about lgbt related things in school, it would have had a much easier time. Good representation matters so much!!! Also if anyone from Thüringen reads this, please contact me, I feel so fucking alone here! 💓

You are just an amazing human being, I love you so much💖

just last night i got the guts to talk to my dad about starting hormones when i turn 18 (4 months from now). he is very worried about it and what it’ll do to my health, but he’s mostly worried about me regretting it. he asked me to really really think about it and to look up information about transmen who’ve transitioned/detransitioned and see how they feel abt it, if they really are “just lesbians”, or if it’s just a phase or whatever, and this really helped me realize that i might not be ready to transition just yet, but that doesn’t mean i never should. thank you so much for making a video about this, it helps all us young transguys more than you could know. stay cool chase.

I'm in a very odd place with my gender right now, so like just reassurance of "you do whats right for you" through these videos is so helpful. I actually wore my binder for the first time to my first of 2 classes today (only had it on for 3 hrs since i'm still getting used to it) but sadly even with that i got misgendered so i'm very in this place of "whats the point of wearing this if it literally has no effect on people perceiving my gender correctly". Like I really try to give leeway because I am a enby who was afab and i still present reasonable feminine even though feminine really doesn't match at all with what my gender is, so its kinda that RIP moment of my gender and my presentation barely line up. But yeah, sorry for hella venting in your comments and just still thank you so much for the comforting support of "take whatever time you need to do whatever you need to transition" etc. etc.

Thank you, Chase. I wasn't ready at 19, even though I knew I was genderqueer and transmasc-leaning, and had experimented with binding and packing. I wasn't comfortable lying to providers with the narrative of "I am a boy and I knew since I was a kid" because frankly, I didn't realize, and I am not a man, I'm a genderqueer person. Last year I learned that the Standards of Care were changed back in 2013 to include nonbinary people and within two days I was at my therapist's office, anxiously telling him that I'm trans and I need to do something about it. I bought my first binder and packer in 15 years and I'm so much more comfortable now. I'm coming out to my family of origin and work in the next few weeks and while I'm still scared, this time I'm also ready. My parents got their own lives to live as they chose; they don't get mine too. This is my time and this is for me.

I have had thought about doing a transition for a little more than a year now but I'm giving myself time since the thoughts kind of came out of nowhere. I'm afab at 24 and haven't had any major problems with it until recently, so the self doubting side of me keeps me very reluctant to making any decisions in the belief it might be a phase while the other side of me can not wait for the moment I am ready. I haven't felt so me in my entire life but I still feel I need to figure these feelings out before I start to act upon it.

Hey boo! You literally described me, I was a tomboy tho, I remember questioning it in 3rd grade. I’m not really sure why but I just shoved it away, even if I’m getting shit I’m still glad I chose to transition, I want top surgery so bad

relatable-- thank you for sharing this

I love that you are an open book and you bring a human element to transitioning. I am LDS and I know how misunderstood and taboo it is in my religion so I want learn all I can to be a voice of reason in a sea of confusion. Or at least try to. It is my hope that one day any member of the LGBTQ community can become LDS members. Right now anyone is welcome to attend Sunday meeting but can’t become members by baptism. Maybe that won’t ever happen but I at least want to everyone feel accepted and welcome. Maybe I am just dreaming.

Talking about my feelings really help me sort out kinda what I need to do transition related. One thing that caught my attention I said to a friend was asking about transitioning was “Im pretty happy but i feel like theres a cap on how happy I can be, i will never be happier. Starting T and transitioning permanently raises the bar of how happy I can be.” I didnt think that to myself but explainingg to her how i felt kinda hit me like oh damn I NEED T!

I'm scared to regret it...I want to be a man outside too but I'm scared about if I'll be fine then or not,find no answer...I want so much top surgery but I'm scared of my mind,if is it right for me...will my mind explode or be happy of this?

I transitioned late in life. I wish I had done it sooner, I think my life wouldn’t have been so crazy depressing not knowing why. When I started watching KZfaq videos like you Chase, it clicked, a light bulb went off in my head and I knew I was trans. So I want to thank you for helping me realize who I was meant to be. I’ve been on T for almost 9 months now, I’ve been out for over a year and a half. I have never been happier. I continue to watch your videos, never know what I could learn about myself. Thanks again Chase

SUCH AN IMPORTANT VIDEO

I'm 24 and pre-t. I realized I was trans about a year and a half ago, and have had some repressed memories come back about intense dysphoria I had when I was younger (14 or so). I bind, use an stp, short hair, make clothes, etc. I feel right now I am very ready for top surgery but I'm not sure if I'm ready for T, for multiple reasons. Do you know how common it is get top before going on T? Or if it makes it more difficult because I'm not on T? Does ash have any videos on it? they had top surgery and they aren't taking hormones, if I remember correctly

I always doubt myself and it's scary

I started binding two years ago but at the time I was still questioning who I was but I had the money at the time so I got a binder and I bound regularly, the second year I sort of stopped wearing it and wasn’t putting much thought into who I was and what I looked like, fast forward to this year, i realize that people see me as I had been dissociating me from my body and not connecting my self to my body I had to start binding again because I wanted people to see me how I see me and being who I am out of my head and into existence

I did not decide to take the plunge and start hrt until after I was 29 years old. I'd spent a very long time swinging between living and presenting as myself and presenting the way I was told to by others. I made a lot of decisions based on what my parents would "approve of" and what was "safe" for my career. I spent many, many years researching, and watching other people's journeys, and tip-toeing around the subject for myself. After a long bout of post-birthday depression and an 8 hour drive alone in my car to a destination I did not want to go to, but was coerced by family, I had a long argument with myself, cried a lot, and decided to begin the first steps into regaining my life and my autonomy. Every change that has happened has felt like a huge step toward the beginning of my life.

I love your such amazing role model and helps me mentally your amazing thanks for the tips on transitioning

I have a question. You say “do it when you feel ready, nobody is rushing you” What do you do if you feel like your body is rushing you? Say I don’t feel ready but every day I’m getting progressively more bald, more set in stone to a gender I don’t want. Is there a point where you have to take the leap of faith? Or is it simply “I feel ready let’s do it now”?

I’m 25 and realized that I’m a guy a few days ago. Looking back, i feel like I’ve been slowly transitioning for the past few years without even realizing it. This video helped me a lot with not feeling like I need to rush anything else now. I want to be ready when I get hormones and too surgery and maybe bottom surgery. Thank you for presenting me with an option to wait a little more before diving in.

Im gonna start t next wednesday, a part of me was scared to go into this, but... honestly, I've been thinking about it for years, I've doubted myself for months... I'm as ready as I'll ever be about anything

I recently came out to myself and my close friends as Trans ftm I’m 17 and I’m so scared of how my mom will react and the rest of my family. I’m scared of losing special people in my life. I really needed this video bc you’re right it’s my body my happiness and I can take my time to mentally prepare myself. I want to start testosterone but first I have to come out and I’m so scared. Thank you chase i neeeeeeded this ❤️

Being trans was something that kept resurfacing in my life. I would be depressed and pull myself away from everything and drown in the idea that I was trans. I wasnt ready to accept it or even toy with the idea. After this happened for years I decided 2018 was the year I would figure it out. I was becoming more ok with being trans but miraculously still needed some harder proof. Your Transgender Children Trans 101 video was my punch in the face. The criteria for children to be considered dysphoric and able to transition was ME! I had been questioning it for so long and tearing myself apart and then those few criteria made my mind so clear and at that point i could accept and understand that I am trans.