“I didn’t want to die, I just didn’t want to live” that is EXACTLY how I felt in my worst days oh my god

Would be cool to have those "close friends." Update: It's about a year later after posting this comment, and I would like to say it gets better. Hang in there y'all, it may be dark right now but there's always a way out. Be safe and healthy :)

The hardest part of depression, for me, is getting out of my own head. The longer I stay there, the more ground depression gains. I have to force myself to leave the house most times. And before that, there is a 5-10min period of standing at the door before I exit. Battling the thoughts of not wanting to go outside into the world.

When I was 15, I told my mother I thought about suicide. She said "Well, be sure to do it right, otherwise you linger." Followed by "People who talk about suicide never do it." That was 66 years ago and I'm still here so perhaps she was right in my case, but I've suffered from depression for my entire 81 years on earth, despite much medical help; perhaps just an iota of sympathy and/or understanding might have helped a bit.

This seems great if you have friends, but what happens when your alone and trying to overcome and don't have a soul to even be around

These "fake it till you make it" people, you're bound to encounter when depressed, are the worst. They have *no* clue.

Nobody wants to be around a depressed person, happy people like happy people. Once you pull someone out of the hole they've fallen in it's so much easier for them to keep their head above water. It's the inertia that's missing when you're isolated. Sometimes all I need is a hug.

because we all know depressives have tons of friends to hang out with

A lot of depressed people don't have friends so thanks for making us feel worse.

Appreciate the ideas but when I'm depressed I avoid friends. It makes me feel worse seeing them all happy and together while I'm struggling. I do talk to them a bit, but I find hobbies, keeping busy, exercise and finding a purpose to get up in the morning are more important steps to take.

doesn't work if you are depressed and also have social anxiety

Unfortunately when you get much older 'close friends' and the rest just melt away and that's when you really have a battle on your hands

“I didn’t wanted to die, I just didn’t wanted to live” depression was never contained in a single phrase better than this one ! Thank you sir.

There should be a network for all of us people who isolate ourselves but are experiencing these same challenges. Imagine if we could just all sit together and give each other company. I feel so alone and depressed, but I know I’m not the only one.

When I told my mother I had depression at age 16 she said to me "can't you save those kind of feelings for when something really big happens, like when someone has cancer". This is a lingering memory of maternal betrayal for me and I've told this story now to so many friends, and everyone is horrified by my mother's words. It's so true that some people don't know how to respond to other peoples depression, and they better keep their mouths shut in that case. Also, I find it's often the older generations that don't know how to show empathy for other people's suffering. My generation, millennials, are much more open to sharing and talking about mental health issues.

I just want to say that I had a very similar experience and noticed the same thing. One day my husband came home from work and I had been feeling very depressed for a long time. I had been dealing with my parents all day long asking why I was depressed and telling me to snap out of it etc. Then he came in the room, could obviously tell I was in bad shape and just sat with me and watched a funny sitcom. No questions, no explanations needed, just his company and a funny show. I'll never forget it. Was just what I needed.

Severe clinical depression needs way more then this. His method would be useful for those with mild symptoms but its quite a leap to presume effectiveness in all cases. For instance some are so severely affected that people no longer wish to be around them. The guy who was known for being a laughing goon and joker becomes emotionally flat and numb....people fade away from such figures whether it be conscious or otherwise.

Storybook solution for someone, who by the looks of it, has mild depression and a large social network. Doesn't work if you are socially isolated and too depressed to even listen to music.

When I was really depressed I pushed most of my friends away, luckily a year or so later when I reached out no one was mad at me for basically ignoring them ☺️

now lm even more depressed because l have no friends lol

To me this sounds like acceptance; You didn't need anyone to say anything or do anything other than to witness and be alright with your grief. They just needed to care and to be there. I'm glad it worked for you 😃

I think there’s different levels and depths of depression, and also under different circumstances. This seems very specific to you personally, this isn’t going to work for everyone. Most people fight it without any support, and that’s part of the problem.

“I didn’t want to die, I just didn’t want to live” was only accurate for me when I wasn't super depressed. In my worst depressive state, I was suicidal and actually wanted to die. It's not the same for everyone.

I have had depression episodes many, many times in my life. I can tell you to listen to this guy. We just need someone or several someones just to be with us. We do not need useless advice, just friends that are happy just to hang out with us. Make the move toward the depressed person, because that person is incapable at that time to reach out. Too much alone time is not good, even for introverts.

I have struggled with depression in varying degrees throughout the past 8-10 years (from the very dark to lighter days when you'd almost forget you had depression) and after a lot of counselling and being kind to myself I realised that what relieves my depression at least is just that. Being kind to myself. Taking it easy when I need to and praising myself for all the little accomplishments, sometimes just making the bed seems like a mountainous task when you're having a low day! If you know you know. Developing a regular self care plan and a self care "urgent" plan was so helpful to me. I make Sundays "self care Sundays" and I look after myself and do things that bring me joy and things I know will lighten my mood. I'll have a bath and if I have a bath bomb I'll use it, I watch a Disney movie, enjoy a nice dinner and plan out my week in my bullet journal. Having depression for so many years I can feel when darker times are coming and this is where I use my "urgent" plan. I reschedule social plans I'm not feeling up to and instead recharge by getting some rest, watching some Disney and being SUPER kind to myself and as non- judgemental as I can. It's during these dark times when I can have no motivation to do the things I enjoy but it's so important to persist as much as possible knowing it will do good 💖 Please be kind to yourself and remember these three quotes that help me so much "this too shall pass", "it doesn't matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop" and my favourite "just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly" 💖

i hate when ppl tell me “u’re not depressed u have no reason to”

I'm the opposite, my depression went away when I isolated myself from people and friends.

At least you had friends or someone to talk.

There are also the people who just abandon you because they think you are "toxic". And also, if you ask "how are you?" don't walk away when we give an honest answer. If you want to hear "fine", don't ask a depressed person, because often we are not "fine". You are so lucky to have friends who will just "be" there with you.

Wow, guess I´ll just go to the friend store then.

Depression and everything that comes with it is a lot. I have so many friends tell me how they dealt with "depression" by being more positive. Depressed people have little to no self worth, and telling them that their biggest struggle in life should be easily shrugged off is demoralizing. We just want to be allowed to vent these thoughts that haunt us all day and get it out of our own heads.

I'm feeling that right now No one to talk to about it No one to share how i feel . Just in a room sitting all alone doing nothing

His message is simple go out and start again and never isolate yourself.. It's good but it's not efficient for some. As I do believe being conscious is better doing.

In some countries they treat mental issues by offering someone to listen to you, it is sure that acceptance and to see that others CARE is what heals, the whole world actually, even the ones who doesn't have such problems

Humbled beyond words at all your responses. Thank you all so much!

00:18 "It is incredibly difficult to explain depression to someone who has never experienced it before" So true

The very fact that I'm looking up these kind of videos is pretty sad already.

Dude you're amazingly brave for sharing your recovery. Much health and happiness to you!

Very few people really understand anxiety and depression. If one has clinical depression then you know what it’s really like. Don’t quit, somebody does care. ❤️🇨🇦

this made me understand something about myself... every time i go to class, even if the class itself makes me stressed and anxious, it keeps me distracted and sourranded by people and although i have awful social anxiety some times, it helps to be occupied and distracted, feeling like you ARE doing something with your life. when i get home it just goes away and i feel bad again, like no progress was made. amazing video man

Honestly reaching out and building a solid friend base and becoming a socialable person with fomo is what helped me overcome atleast my most intense stretch of depression. 5 or so years and my story is very similar. Even today I have a fair amount of challenges when it comes to depression, anxiety, and other mental illness but I no longer wake up everyday in a state of limbo. I have a path, and a goal, and constantly distracting myself and occupying my time with other people is really to thank for that

Ok, but I lost ALL my friends (mostly because of my depression) What do I do now? I´m so lost and completely alone.

I came clean to my friends about my battle with depression and, without exception, they all ghosted me.

We all have choices, although this method worked for him, it may only work for so long. Notice he said these interactions kept his mind occupied from what was making him depressed. He never addressed the root of the problem, he just shoved it away. It's hard but you must find why you feel the way you do. Perspective plays a good role in this, dig deep. A seed must be burrowed in darkness and nurtured before it has a chance to grow.

I was so happy, now I feel lost. I broke up with my GF because I thought things wouldn’t work long term. Wasn’t the wrong decision, but it really sucked when life plummeted. Losing my dog, followed by multiple other things happening. Now I want to return to just being fine, I don’t need money. I just want to be comfortable, escape whatever depression I’m in.

the title should be "how to overcome depression when only u have friends that understand you "

Wow! This explains so much and made me realize I too need the “just sit with me” method. I have one friend who lives in another state, and I call her on the phone to go with me (stay on the phone) while I go places that give me anxiety. I love her.

This guy explains how I feel about my depression perfectly

Depression, no words can explain how it feels like 😥

I read title and expected him to be sitting around, alone and at home, and he uncovered some revaluation which cured his illness.

I saw other videos about depression too but the positivity I got from this, I never got from others. The calmness, the right selected words are just great. 👍🏻

Part of the reason I am feeling depressed is due to lack of friends and lack of a means to get friends. Thanks for this.

When my sister died. I had a few friends who did that. They stayed beside me. Without words. One sat on d floor in my bedroom, while i slept. One just lay their hand on my shoulder in d funeral. One just stand nex to me fr place to place. Its a struggle each day, to keep yr mind focus and strong. God knows yr heart. Give it all to him. Throw yr self at his feet. Be bless!

I suffered from depression too. I feel better now This is incredible because you are the first person ever to put accurate words on what helped me. I didn't realized myself, until now. God bless

Being 22 currently going through a tough phase in my life. Not sure if it’s depression or just anxiety or lack of being patient. Like you said in the video I do too have a few or let say 1 close friend but I am an international student studying abroad trying to cope up with the current situation. Knowing a bright future waiting on the other side of the wall but unable to break it or pass it. I want everyone in similar situation to know that everything thing will be great just be a little more patient. Write this lines down has actually helped me a little summing my thoughts in for people to read and feel.

Some people don't have friends. Defeats the entire point.

Developed depression, anxiety, panic, slowly pulled myself out of it by just being in my hobbies and practicing good mental habits when possible. This won’t work for all, some definitely need medication. However for the lucky ones like me, surround yourself with people you love, and keep yourself occupied!

What he says is true, that's the best attitude from friends, but when a seriously depressed person can gather the energy to accept friends' invitations it means that was already a "good day". I think what he talks here about has to do with how to best take advantage and treasure those relatively good moments, but in no way it can get you to "overcome" depression.

I have seen this talk live in Delft.. as someone who has been suffering from depressions several times in my life already, this touched me majorly, got me crying. having my friend there, who sat through my last depression with me, made it even more special. thank you very much

Oh and thanks Jonathan my man thanks for giving your moment to all human being to hear you and feel happy for you

It's like someone speaking my feeling...which at that time was hard to explain

Very good talk. Very true too. And... FINALLY! Someone who is able to stand (relatively) still while speaking on TEDx :)

Doesn't work without good friends. Doesn't work for me with critical friends, reminding me of how I don't measure up.

No one has ever captured exactly how i feel and what i needed than this. Thank you so much

I felt this on a personal level that I know exactly what I need now someone a friend, a partner, or a family member who can just sit there in silence with me. We all go through tough times.

Thanks for your great talk Jonathan. "I didn't want to die, I just didn't want to live". People around me always talk that "Stop living like that, please live happily, smile, do what you like..." I have tried and I just feel exausted, even worse. True insights, you know.

That speech was amazing. I’m glad to know you’re doing better. 💚

Woooow!!! That was deep. That was the best Ted talk on depression I've ever heard. That young man is gifted.

Doesn't work if u are lonely and have 0 close friend

Thanks for getting me back to depression and feeling like *disappearing* again

He is right. I have struggled with depression since I was 13. Many times I wanted to go away. Away from the people who told me it would be a phase, who kept talking when I asked them to stop, and would not leave me in my peace. The sad part about it is the loneliness. It kills the happiness inside and shuts me off from the world. Coupled with anxiety as well as ADHD, I knew that it wouldn't be easy to cope. Just sitting with someone is something I've desire for long time. Keeping you company allows your mind to become clearer and a sense of self-awareness. Its amazing.

This is incredible. I want to shout from the top of the mountain, this is incredible. Watch closely. There are just too much to learn from him then what meets the eyes, which in itself in magnomious.

Yes a 20 year old has seen it all.

Yeah but how do you make friends when you work from home, graduated 5 years ago, have no remaining social connections with anyone in the area, and are generally a bummer or distant in interactions because you're always sad? Feels like a catch 22. My depression keeps me from making the friends I'd need to have to get out of it

Thank you for sharing. I know a friend with exactly your symptoms and the first time I met him , I immediatly knew that something was going on. I tried the first method, it didn't worked very well ( it worked but not enough for me and for him) so I passed at the number four. You are just confirming that what I do is currently working and its good for him and I will continue hardly. Thanks! And a short message to my friend if you are watching this Don't give up!

The power of presence, beautiful! Wonderful talk, thank you!

I have had bouts of depression on and off through my life. Friends trying to help, making myself do things etc have never helped. Eventually I just learned to sit with the depression with the intention that if I stayed with it my mind in some way would figure it out. It always has. Depression is telling us something that not all is well is well in our pysche/in our life. Sit with it till the mind unfolds. If you need help, ask within what help you need/want. We really do have our own answers. The man in this video knew to go to the park with his friends - he just knew it.

Uh I've been sitting around for a decade and am still depressed.

This is the problem, many people don't know what to say when you're depressed. My best friend often offers to be there to listen to me and I occasionally tell them how I feel, but it doesn't make me feel any better. In fact it made me more anxious afterwards the most recent time. Maybe just being with friends and not saying anything would a good option if I wasn't such an introvert. I find my natural instinct is to get away from people. As something new I'm trying to meditate every single day. It's only been a week but I've had brief moments of feeling good for no apparent reason lately and I've changed nothing else. It's too early to say if this is something I will do long term but I hope I can transform myself into a more positive person who's outgoing, like when I was young.

Cheers to you too, I needed this today and thank you for sharing your story.

After my first suicide attempt I realised which people around me really are my friends. But depression and inability to work put me in such a debt I lost my will to fight the problems, I quit. People.... please talk about your depression, before it´s too late. Take care and stay strong.

This is so true but how can you get this type of help when you don’t have people that are willing to just sit with you?

This is the most straightforward advice ever. When all else fails, just sit down and feel everything, and being around people for the simple comfort of laughing and hanging out. it's no miracle cure or pill. Just acceptance

Thanks for the info, it has definitely reduced my depression. When depression comes I listen to music, it really helps.

I just wanted to ask, does anyone else just feel like not caring about living all the time, like even in moments when I’m actually feeling happy and am enjoying life, I still wouldn’t mind not existing. I don’t know, just wondering if anyone feels this way, or know why you feel like that.

As a person fighting through depression i can see this method actually working. Thank you

There are many many ways to overcome depression and he is giving a great talk about one of them. Everyone settle down with the critiques. We all know one solution is not a cure all. I enjoyed this talk!

I have a pretty similar experience, I just didn't realize it the way he did. Thank you so much for putting into words. His words are on point. My problem is that my close friends are really far away and we only meet up every 6 months. I'm currently trying meditation for when I'm not with my friends.

Really inspiring to hear this from a fellow Dutchie :)

What happened that day in the park has a name; its called "unconditional love" Thanks for the talk xx

Thank you for opening up and letting us all know we aren’t alone!

Yeah, on my bad days I get picky and particular about who I want around me, and I also get extremely intolerant to small talk, I’d rather just say nothing but still want their presence. I don’t have many friends, but I have one close one who sometimes I’m happy to be on the phone in silence with when I’m upset

Drinking alcohol when depressed and giving that as part of an advice? Dangerous.

"I drank beer with my friends and that made me feel good." Sorry, if that is a little blunt, but it kinda comes across like it.

This one hit me hard. Thank you. We all need someone, family too is also key! Something I need to go back to.. :(

My mom passed away 2 years ago since back then I've been depressed and every day it's really hard to cope with it I started exercising and tried to divert myself but by the Eod it was not working so I decided to start my freelance journey I was feeling 50% better and then another strategy took place my grandfather passed away he was my mentor and everything I ever imagined all I felt was broken & alone. Now it's almost 3 years I have insomnia, fatigue, depression heaviness in my chest & my stomach gets upset whenever I think about this stuff & I'm losing interest in things that I used to enjoy like sports and my freelance thing I got thinking like what after I become successful no one is there to watch me then why I should struggle. since they passed I never stopped wondering what would I give to have them back for just one more day If that happened what I would say? I'd say your love made me who I am today and despite the darkness, I still carry your light inside me every single day so will I do father.

It's an unpredictable, unquantifiable despair. I know. I'm there today.

I recently dropped the last of my good friends from childhood due to their ongoing drug addictions and the resulting toxic personalities that were developed. Sucks though because my new "friends" just don't do it for me; feels like our conversations are interview based and forced. Definitely feels empty. Gotta go out and make some real friends.

Oh my god ! It is super touching. You really help me know how those people feel and how i should do or treat them

I completly understand you and it felt me good to know i am not alone. all my friends cant understand what depression is and im tired to tell them. they keep saying “stop thinking” or “i was like that sometimes get over it” but its not that simple its like what ever you doing the voice in your head keep telling you “why are u doing this?” And sometimes its says “you lost something, something important after that you never gonna be the as who was before