How difficult is it for you as an INFJ to keep letting your loved ones continue self-sabotaging behavior?

So true, I used to do this before, not anymore. I am so done with helping others, I only help myself now because I need my help the most.

I learned two things when I graduated from high school (more than 20 yrs ago). 1) I had someone close to me tell me that I'm always looking for drama. I was offended and said, "No, it's always looking for me!" It was then that I realized that I was getting myself mixed up in other people's drama constantly. So I made a point to ask myself if it's drama that I should involve myself in. 95% of the time it wasn't any of my business. That lessened the drama in my life considerably. 2) You can only help those who truly want and are ready to be helped. If they keep making the same mistakes, decisions and don't want to change their actions then it's clear that they're not ready to move on. The least I'll do is be empathetic in the moment but I won't take anything on. I'll always try to see how it lands and if it's clear that they don't want my help (often because they don't like that I'm right) then I let them be and don't waste my breath. It's like that saying, "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink."

The first time I heard the Let Them Theory, I was like "Well that explains my life as an INFJ" 🤷‍♀️ I'm learning Let Them + Boundaries

I have been trying to change a thought about myself for 30 years without success. so changing someone else would be ridiculous.

Come on people give her more Likes!!! Over 2000 views needs more likes. It's hard work making videos every week!

This is the ultimate rock and the hard place. You're either enabling or triggering. You can't win. 😥

Gave my opinion about my boundaries with long time drama ridden friend. Funny, she didn't like it. She obviously only wanted me to be that soothing blanket. I've stepped back and won't do it anymore.

Had to call the Police yesterday on my insane nephew who showed up at my house just to yell @ me for things he knows nothing about, trying to tell me how to run my life without ever being here, making threats. It's amazing how damaging bad gossip / lies can damage ppl's perspectives and make them act crazy. Getting a restraining order on him. Yes, I am usually well armed. The worst crimes are often committed by people who think they need to "help" others.

I used to not exactly tell how I feel about certain situations, but then again I started asserting more of my opinion, its actually pretty harmful to sometimes just say what you think, so of course I think we need to learn to communicate better. And sometimes things just can't be solved by communication either. No wonder door slamming is the only way out. In these situations I think the best for you to ask yourselr is what about YOU. And just simply shrug and remove yourself from the situation as much as possible... wow I think this video helped me realise that this whole explained process has been continuously repeated in most of my connections. Wow. Just wow.

Dont waste your time or energy trying to help people who refuse to help themselves!

This is what is happening to me now. It is not easy but am beginning to feel that it is worth it. Am feeling great, I feel free and I can feel that I am happier now. Thank you Wenzes … your videos help me tremendously! Thank you so much!

Thank you so much for this. I'm living my truth but I'm struggling to be happy about it. Sometimes I feel guilty but everything U said make sense a lot of things I didn't know or consider. Now I feel better about moving forward. ❤

All of this is dependent on what kind of help we’re talking about. I had a roommate (before I was married) who made terrible, and I mean awful, choices in the romance department. Constantly. Daily drama. One night stands followed by 3 weeks of “why didn’t he call me” nonsense. I eventually told her what I needed to tell her, that I wanted her to value herself more, and then moved on. She never changed and I haven’t spoken to her in years (hard feelings or anything, I just didn’t want to be around all that). So that’s one scenario in which I’ll say “you do you, boo”. However….if my friend is clearly withdrawn, depressed, and starts making comments like “hey, if anything ever happens to me, would you want my epic comic book collection?”, then I don’t give a rats ass if he “wants” my help or not, I’m not staying out of that one. Same thing when it’s a kid involved, or if someone is in a dire situation. Most of tbt time, involving yourself in the problems of others is exhausting and paternalistic, so it’s best to refrain. There are times, however, when involving yourself, whether you’ve been asked to or not, whether they’ll love you for it or hate you for it, is the only right answer.

Just like you I have an INFP friend as well. But I think we have a healthy relationship because of our relative distance. I’m from the US and he’s from Germany. We both confide with each other whenever we have problems and most of the time we would just listen and be supportive of each other. Seems like he is one of the few people who understands me and thats why I’m grateful for him.

Currently I find myself a bit further on the rode of expressing my trueself and you are right Wenzes, this feeling is simply wonderful. Yes, few people got further form me, but I am gaining so many new, much deeper, fresh and gratifying connections that I am constantly amazed with this new experience of my life. Thank you so much Wenzes.

In regards to helping people I like the comparison to a butterfly in a cocoon, you can’t help them out of the cocoon because if they don’t pull through on their own their wings won’t form correctly. I’m very picky about people I help now.

I enjoyed this video alot it reminded me on what I had thought to myself like a couple of days ago we INFJs subconsciously be other people around us but we end up showing our true selves on who we are internally I've been in situations where I know something was wrong with somebody or how they felt about me and I wanted them to look themselves in the mirror and have them see what I see about them and how they felt about me and 9/10 they didn't wanted to face reality they didn't wanted to face their truth and its funny how people think we're being fake all in reality it's them being fake and to themselves as well

Wenzes, this is one of the best treatments I've read and/or heard about doing good, honest self-examination. It's done in a way that makes us face up to some of our errors, but it's affirming. I appreciate your honesty when you showed us how you had made these errors as well, and you learned from them and improved relationships. It shows us that we can do it, too. I've mentioned in earlier posts that I had to learn a lot of this before the Internet, social media and groups like this. And it wasn't always easy. Listening to this, though, showed that my mind was working in the right direction. So I can confirm everything you say here. This one is worthy of a LOT of review.

I am really thankful to have watched your video🙏🏼

I want to help a certain loved one but I'm getting a lot of pushback from my spouse who wants me to "just let them." In my view, it should be my choice if I want to expend the effort and energy to help the loved one who does need and want help getting through a problem which she admits is her own fault for creating. I know I may be wasting my time, but it is my decision, and I don't want my spouse pressuring me to back away.

Spot on. I didnt realize. Thank you!

Loved this , Thanks Wenzes

This is definitely something I’ve wrestled with for years. It took me a long time to identify the unhealthy dynamic. I think this is a really important topic, and for that reason want to get clarification on some areas that are tripping me up in the past couple of videos I’ve watched, which is the idea of INFJ’s allowing themselves to be cold or harsh. I’ve definitely been harsh (judgmental, critical) of others, and I understand allowing ourselves to mess up, and forgive ourselves. Based on those experiences, I don’t think I would go so far as to say that it’s healthy for us to truly be harsh or cold towards others as a habit. I think that has the potential to undermine our sense of self-confidence, integrity, and others’ trust in us. I think for me, what would be helpful is further clarification of what is meant specifically by: - ‘Harsh’ - ‘Cold’ - ‘Kind’ - ‘Grace’ - ‘Being yourself’ I was taught that it’s possible to speak truth with gentleness, kindness, and humility and to set healthy boundaries by using ‘I’ statements, avoiding ‘you’ statements, communicating what you will and will not do and acting accordingly. By doing these we avoid making assumptions about others, speak our truth, provide space for them to speak their truth, and give ourselves the option of walking away from unhealthy situations. But I think sometimes what INFJ’s consider as harsh (ie assertiveness, firmness) is not actually being harsh, but setting a healthy, kind boundary, that others might perceive as harsh, but it’s actually the best thing we can do for ourselves in that moment. I think that’s what this video is getting at as a whole. I think where I’m experiencing confusion is where, in the videos, the message I receive is that we either trigger or enable people. I think for me, it’s a bit too black and white. I think we can still be kind, clear, and gracious in how we respond to people and that yes, they may be triggered even when we act in those ways. But if we are harsh or cold (in the sense of judgmental or critical), I don’t think people are being triggered because of their own insecurities necessarily but because they actually do know their value and worth and they are feeling mistreated. Does that make sense? I feel like I’m going in circles here. 🤪

Wow, Wenzes! Just wow You are speaking to my subconscious, my soul, my essence and my core Incredible. Thank you so much ❤❤❤🙏 It seems RADICAL honesty is what it comes down to, eh? To the self, to others...

At 11:59 you say this is where it really gets interesting. Had me way before that. Incredible "discussion".

Brilliant as usual!

lol so glad you mentioned infp they say they are extremely compatible with us but I know like 5 of them and they all have extremely self sabotaging behavior , I cannot allow them to get too close because they are all extremely co dependent , I’m sure not all of them are like that but omg they are a trip!

Thanks!

Thank you Wenzes! ❤

Thanks for putting this in to words. You make it so clear.

You are brilliant!

Thank you ❤

Thank you❤❤🎉

I truly believe Jesus is a Sigma INFJ. As a Christian and an INFJ, Ive always struggled with everything she spoke about. I wanted to be everyone’s savior. I wanted to give them all my love and THOUGHT accepting them for who they are and not judging them is what Love is…but it’s not. It’s enabling. And I’ll tell you, Jesus DID NOT enable people’s bad choices and sins. He TOLD them to change. He ADMONISHED them. When others did not want to hear me, I dusted my feet and moved on because I DO feel responsible for those in my circle. And the best way to Love them is to help them reach their BEST self and that takes hard loving truths. And now, the less I focus on others, the more I can focus on being MY best version. And that version is going to inspire those closest to me to be their BEST!

I have enjoyed your videos for a while. This one struck me. First any “savior” complex is not good. In my belief Jesus saves, professionals can help, but to have a relationship where one is to “save” the other is not a recipe for good. I personally would rather be alone and find people with similar mindsets, morals and mutual respect. It is not a win-win to be in a combative relationship ever. I don’t know what you have heard. Ostracize me all you want, if you can’t treat someone decent don’t want to be around you period. I have asked them to leave many times. I don’t enjoy seeing people suffer, that does not mean I should suffer too, forget that! Live and let live. I have expressed my displeasure with treatment many times. At a certain point if they don’t get it, they don’t want to. Your version of the truth is a little off the mark. Victor tells the story.

Yes, agree. I am currently doing this, trying to show myself more. Is new. Hah!

very very pertinent

Try to clear the blast radius but these bums always need an infj. Uuurgh, just leave me alone.

As INFJs, we often use only 50% of FE, we feel for others. We need to find our own feelings too and externalise them, otherwise we are being fake or wearing a mask and that's good for no one. If people leave, then they were going to leave anyway.

This video is Life-Altering. Thank you. Seriously. Life-Altering. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I just sent an extra help to someone who asked me to do their astrology and then mostly had to be kept focused on the answers. It was disrespectful and the person is AHD and teaches or coaches (or wants to coach) about ADHD for people with that problem. I changed my whole helpful routine, and turned around and told them all the ADHD signs in the horoscope and the disrespectful traits that exist there and reinforce the bad behavior. I'm not a biggest supporter of psychology, though I'm finding Myers-Briggs is better than the usual. I prefer astrology basically and made my own astronomy-based system that I find super reliablel. He tried to tear me down and tell me it's not aligned with the reality. He got the whole story. But from beginning to end he didn't deserve it. Maybe I should have put my foot down at the beginning and not try to help someone disrespectful like that. Too casual, as if he deserved for me to prove myself to him for free. His sidekick was trying to super high gear make me prove myself and I just told him to listen and disagree if he found something to doubt. But he couldn't f*^g listen.

I agree with this about 75%.... the other 25% is me wondering what is our responsibility and what is theirs? It kinda sounds like we are being told to help a person every step of the way with the "teach them how to fish" line and other things stated... just sounds like it's insinuated that we ARE in fact responsible for their growth because we are able to see their insecutities... which sounds exhausting...

👌👏👍 excellent

It follows from this that there is only one other approach. That the INFJ seek out and unite. For we are one in our aspirations. We could reproduce and provide a new higher genetic base with enhanced intuition. We could be the researchers, the developers of the world, perhaps, we need our own state. We don't heal people because what's out there is different and incurable. A scorpion is a scorpion, a human is a human. We are the .

Too true😭

🔥🔥🔥

😮 Wenzes you're in the cabal??!!!

So Mel is everywhere

Jees Wenzes! What's with that hand sign in your thumbnail? Threw me off kinda.😳

A cashier at the supermarket complaint about how stressed she was and that she had time for nothing except working and taking care of her husband and brother. I suggested to her to listen yoga Nidra meditation when she goes to bed. Days later I started to feel nasty vibes from her and her co-workers. I have not said a word to any of them except for hi, thanks and sorry for your loss to her because her brother died. I don't understand what was the problem about suggesting something that might help her but I won't try any more.

This was such an interesting perspective, but I feel like I’m not able to grasp it properly. Hope you come back to it!

❤❤❤

I would report rude cashier at shop's complaints web site.

This is a new version of Barnum statements. No better than horoscopes or tarot.

What if I have a low self-esteem and I believe that actually setting expectations will make me dependent on the other person? Or I am afraid I will suffer from continous inferiority

we are more. we travel through time, may it be our NI ability. We have the construct. We have the ability to activate 100% of our brains and what have you? Why do we want to help them? Everything we improve they only exploit for their desire for power and possession. What do we have to do with you?

Part of this bothers me because as an INFJ I can tell when an emotion is authentic and when I help people its genuine. I'm not looking to get anything back. In fact I reject the whole idea that helping people is selfish. Really helping someone out is unselfish for INFJs. We put other people first for them, not for us. By this same logic putting others first is selfish. Again INFJs are not selfish. They can put themselves first, but that isn't being selfish. It's called acting right.

Please explain your cover photo.

Ha leido la Biblia? la invito hacerlo hallara respuesta a preguntas como ¿hay vida despues de la muerte? por que sufren los buenos? etc

you cut the cord and walk and live a peaceful life. simple. now if they keep boomeranging back with greater and greater force seeking your annihilation.... well I suppose they win. Ya can't beat malignant insanity

I don't know how strong your empathy is, but I see a lot and feel way too much. No one can understand that... and people often have such dark thoughts and often thoughts full of sex drive and violence. There was no other conclusion that I could come to. I don't know what the book was called. It stated that if you want a social revolution in which people like and respect each other, a technological revolution must be the basis. Explained differently, from the ability - for example - we have the speed of light and can exploit asteroids or colonize other planets, a social idea follows: we no longer have to wage war against each other, since we can all colonize other planets, do research, etc. and all have one goal can have. For example, the Arabs and Palestinians could be the photovoltaic builders - in the desert. Every people would have tasks. Then it's no longer called Arabs or Palestinians, but power generators or asteroid builders or... Why do we as humans declare ourselves according to peoples and not according to tasks? Well, helping people emotionally individually is pointless. An example, two women want to come to me, they are both pretty and I would want both of them. But I receive the envy of four men who are all horny and horny for the two pretty women. I feel the need to become ugly and make myself small in order to escape the darkness of the human spirit. It's so sad what people can think and how dark they are. So the logic is to unite all INFJs and install that we want to develop the world in a positive way for everyone. Yes, and that might be worth it.

well, one more addition. I tried. Starting in 2005, I redeveloped AI, medical applications, and nanostructures. Of course, given the statutes, not all of them are my developments. The art of the INFJ is not to be able or have to do everything alone, but to know the right way. The nanorobots will be able to fight all known diseases in the human body. AI could improve the world. Yes, and what do people make of it? Secret services want to use the robots to cut blood veins. A murder disguised as a brain attack. People turn all light into darkness. They are incapable of thinking positively and kindly. It's not your style. We are the aliens. We are the outsiders. We are the ones who are always kicked and tried to be killed again and again. - Because we are good and this doesn't fit into this world.

Please do not use abstract words Please give examples from everyday life so we can relate

Why are you flashing a white supremicist hand signal? (your content is good, you may just want to get rid of the hand signal.)

make one thing clear to you. There is no situation where you can really help people and they are happy. - unless of course- you decide to become part of our group - but even then it takes years until you understand how to be happy. People are so full of hate and envy and even more full of hormones and . Don't try to help them, but try to help yourself, because we are different.