Confidence vs Insecurity. I've found assertiveness comes from a sense of true confidence in one's self. Dominance/aggressiveness comes from a place of insecurity, that's being masked with wanting to be in control.

Assertiveness is a dialog ....Aggressiveness is a debate ....... 👊 thank you

Assertiveness comes from an inner tranquility. It requires to be connected with oneself to know what you want

When a wise person speaks, you listen. It's not about disagreeing. You take in what you need or what your level of understanding is. Esther speaks wise words here and I am grateful she is willing to share them.

“Assertiveness is a dialogue. Aggressiveness is a debate.” Wow! Beautifully put - Concise, clear, functional!

Asking for my woman's opinion doesn't make me any less of a man. She is my equal, not my slave Guys who think with their ego are inherently weak.

When Esther speaks....i stop and listen...

I love how she can speak the English language fluently but doesn't mimic the American or English accent. Plus everything she says makes sense! 💙💙

I've always believed that being confrontational was honesty at its primal state. But now at almost 40 this is the one thing hurting my relationships; and I found that the root of my issue is fear of rejection. Basically, self-sabotage. Assertiveness is having a dialogue and Aggressiveness is having a debate; is what I took from this video. Thank you, Esther. I really want to change this.

assertive=confidence aggressive=defensive

Assertiveness is a dialogue. Aggressiveness is a debate.

I love her accent. It makes her her. Gives me a lot of courage to speak foreign languages without worrying that I sound weird.

Yessss, i love how men are participating with their energy, their presence, their emotional intelligence and much more than just being providers in bringing up their children. I think that’s going to make society so much more healthier.

I think this woman is a genius! She is such a powerful teacher! I am so grateful I've discovered her.

Fantastic advice. To stop being aggressive, stop being defensive. Simple and actionable.

This women is gold

All men and women need to hear this. So well said and so concise. Bravo! 👏👍

I could take this myself bc I find whenever a staff tells me how to handle a situation, as a leader, I immediately want to attack back because I feel, as if, takin advice from him or her weakens my position as a head. I then go into the defense statement like ‘oh well, this ain’t my father’s company.’ I ain’t here to control this or everyone.’ ‘I wanna do my job then go home.’ I refused to listen to what the other person has to say because I feel I will become influenced by him or her. Doing so, would threaten my position to make decisions. It’s sort of twisted weird but it happens. So I truly get she’s saying. I’m learning how to counter such behavior by being still. That’s, I keep quiet to listen. I listen while I shut my mouth from having to respond every time. It hardwork also good works which make a lot of difference in the long run. You never have to feel threatened or weakened by anyone or a situation bc of your own thoughts. Relaxed. Actively hear what the someone else has to say. Say nothing, even if you somewhat disagree with a few things understanding for the situation comes thru actively listening to the other person. Lastly, thrive to put aside every ego.

5:15 Assertiveness is a dialogue, Aggressiveness is a debate

Engaging dialogue prevents aggression when being assertive. Brilliant insight

I feel that being assertive means you come from a place of confidence in yourself and your "grounded-ness". A confidence that allows for input, that allows for reflexion, doubt, that allows for changing your opinion without feeling threatened in ones identity. It also allows for recognising that sometimes it is just ok to agree to disagree in mutual respect. Being aggressive comes from a place of lack of confidence, where the need is felt to be right and input from others is perceived as a threat for the "self". As Esther Perel says, aggressiveness is on the defence and it comes from a place of doubt in ones own personality. Now being perceived by the other as assertive or aggressive depends also on how confident the other person is. In a work environment, I can sometimes perceive that some coworkers are not that confident. With them I will consciously and actively use that phrase of "it is ok that we do not agree", sometimes I will adapt the timbre of my voice to not scare and come across as dominant even though I am just being assertive. I do that, because in a work environment it is really counterproductive in the long run when people have a lack of confidence and come to resend you for your confidence. In my personal relationships however I will choose to be with someone who is confident enough to doubt. Which makes for a richer relationship all together.

This woman is the smartest therapist I read about and I read many great ones. Maybe Jung and Froid of course, but not many more. It's not just the knowledge and understanding of masculinity and feminity, cultural and biological differences, but it's HOW she communicates it. With such sensing, soft, warm and kind hearted love. She deserves to be TIME person of the year. I'm just being honest. Hopefully her message will reach a wider and wider audience. I also hope I get to talk with her once. Would love to juggle ideas with her, I think she would enjoy an intellectual discussion. Last point, she absolutely changed my life by making me understand the variety/independence vs security. Once she said it once it was clear a day and my life started improving with super speed after that. Am now living alive while having that security with my wife. All thanks to Esther. My wife is also slowly starting to understand what Esther is about. It's scary of course. If you read this: Thanks Esther, you are the best. Hope you have an amazing fulfilling life. :D

Her "Gift of Service" is to all who hear with their hearts open and pride set aside. The benefits are ours for the taking from this wonderful tree of life.

Me too! She is absolutely gifted. I've been sharing her videos with my friends.

I love the way you explain how things have been, how they have changed and how to operate with the current expectations. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.

I could listen to you talk for hours you have so much wisdom

My my my... you’ve continued to be incredibly helpful in my life esther. My father raised me to be like a man and so in many ways my relationships with men led me to push them away with aggression. I’m glad to have gotten clarity about this.

Wow just wow! You put things that we all know underneath but don’t know how to express in words! Being able to do that almost seems like magic! Bow to you mam

Every time I see Esther talk, I learn something new. She’s a 💎 , great teacher ! ❤️

Thank you Esther!!!!!! I’m so glad you addressed this, your advice is well needed in our culture today! 💕

Wow. Esther's videos are smth I've discovered recently... I feel that I've found a treasure.

Esther, this is timely and very necessary at this time. Thank you !

I know what I want and I am prepared to listen to you with a full heart.

Good question Carl great answer Esther thank you so much.

wow! wonderful! thank you! 68 yrs old and still loving to learn new ways! Great explanation

Thank you for sharing such wisdom.

Excellent observations from Esther as usual. Assertiveness is dialogue and aggressiveness is debate. Very well put I hope I can apply this to relationships in my life.

Your videos and the manner in which you deliver is a poster for assertiveness... Great message as always. Thanks 👍

You get your value from your presence....love this

I love you Esther! Been binge watching your vids for a while now. You’ve been very helpful in my relationship!!! ❤️😘

Thank you Esther, I listen and learn from you xx

The part about shifting roles starting at 3:14 is even more relevant now in this post-pandemic world with WFH and other changes entering the equation of balance between partners. Your words of encouragement and shifting towards assertive, productive dialogue are exactly what I need right now. Your passion and fearless attitude towards tackling modern relationship issues are so appreciated! Thank you so much, Esther.

WOW beautifully said. I really feel like we have more options than our ancestors had.

This is so eloquent and resonates with me.

Thank you, Esther!

Regardless of the topic (which are always riveting), I could listen to Esther all day long. What a lingual artist!

You are powerful teacher! I love the way you explain . I love you ! ❤

Thanks Esther! I learned something about myself today!

Thanks so much EP, you are changing me for good

This was extremely helpful. Thank you

I think I have never come across someone who uses the most correct words as you do. Thanks Esther, God Bless You

Mama Perel jus got her hair did🤩on this video. Also i love how you love your jewellery and the story behind how you met the lady who designs & makes it

wow!Esther, you really helped us differentiate between being assertive and aggressive. You explained it beautifully and the different perspectives of the emotional presence men can have today.

Thank you for this and the way that you explained it!

You are such a treasure, my goodness! You are the light house that guides the ships home through all kinds of weather. I absolutely adore you.

"Welcome dialog." Simple and powerful!

Amazingly insightful!!

Nice job Esther! It all makes so much sense.

Brilliantly kind! 💖

Very useful . Thank you , young lady .

Great question, great answer! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and wisdom x

simply excellent advice. thank you!

i love this woman.

Wow, this Is So powerful. Thank so much.

Thanks Esther!

Wow! Love it! Thank you.

Very timely to me right now right here. Thank you

Wonderfull words. She brings it to the core of the problem.

Beautiful view on it being a gift for men with these new times.

This is so Good, your insight is incredible, thank you Esther…

This video advice was everything. I uploaded it to fcbk and sent to my family and friends.

I think you are great Esther! Thanks for good videos.

confidence verses arrogance is a vital distinction yet it is possible to be easily misunderstood when expressing confidence

Wow ... oh new learnings ano 💖 the interpretation (assertiveness vs aggressiveness) as a Maori woman in my working world I often heard that I was aggressive (amongst my peers) engari internally I knew that I was assertive (confident-because I worked hard - long hours of research/practice - no short cuts or quick fix) that led to knowing what I want & able to negotiate,. Esther Perel tips -assertiveness - confidence (dialogue) vs aggressiveness - attack (debate) is 151% on point. THANK YOU! xo

I truly appreciate Esther Perel. I can listen to her talk all day. The video from 00:01 - 2:40min is her repeating the question. Her answer is revealed at the last 10 seconds of the video.

Clever, insightful and beautiful

I so love all of your videos. Great advice, and having studied in college the philosophy of sex and relationships I am soooooo grateful for your perspective, I didn't agree with most other that spoke from the place of biology..... just didn't feel right-too many unanswered questions. Can't wait to read your new book!

so well said.

Thank you.

Thank you! Be well 🌹

Wise person speaking, im listening

This is fantastic. The question circles in on an issue that has plaguing me for my entire life, and I think plagues female/male interaction in general to a massive extent - even if we had some basic education on this we would have much healthier interaction between men and women. I would honestly buy a book on this subject and devour it.

I LOVE YOU ESTER!!! Jesus ... As a men I started having this challenge and uncertainty once I started being more assertive, I thought I am being aggressive or dominant and always started questioning myself and then maybe become defensive BECAUSE I was questioning that and it wasn't clear ... You solved my confusion, nowfollows the work 😄 One step closer though ✌

Thx you told me the basics

Okay so she just gives you an expert’s interpretation of the modern relationships between men and women then gives you well formed life advice. This lady is cool

great explanation 👌

Love the last sentence...

This is awesome

Woman you are totally AWESOME! ✨💖✨ If Carl heeds your input, he will be AWESOME!

Thank you

Esther ..The real Queen od Wands ..pure energy ..

I had to rewatch the first minute and a half because I needed to hear that again!

For men in the corporate world, you must be aggressive, assertive, always admit your mistakes without hesitation, be ruthless to incompetence and infinitely loyal to those who put in the work and get results, but most importantly, carry yourself like you belong there. Emulate it, and so it will be.

Thank you for sharing. As a man living in this social climate, it can be difficult to assert yourself without being shamed for coming off as aggressive. This video helped a lot.

Wowww! You have the soul of angle realm.

Esther u are like a queen to me....

Simply amazing

Esther I just want to talk you, you’re a genius.

Bravo ms Esther!! The character u described remind me of the Lord.. Assertive yet gentle .. Leading yet humble :))

Esther truly is a gem