Welcome. I hope this video can reach and help many who are struggling with this difficult process. Thank you for watching and sharing!

i want to share my life as a South African. I grew up roman catholic and later when i got older i joined charismatic pentecostal church. Even the Bishop of my church was my parent's friend. The pressure was alot to keep up I even went to a christan school. The first born son in my family had a complication with his birth and receive brain damage. My older brother couldnt speak, he always talk like baby, he lost the ability to walk, experience muscle atrophy. he developed bad case scoliosis of the spine. He had epilepsy. Til his death. when i was young around 12 i used to pray alot to God begging him to sacrifice myself so that my older brother can get better. I honestly believed God created Eve from Adam's rib, you had to believe the literal Word of God. so i thought that God can reconstruct my brother by using parts of my brain, and leg bones and muscles. If God could do it my brother could finally be normal. God is the creator of all, nothing is impossible with God. i would never hear God's response every time i would pray, i would even say you can send me to hell as long my older brother is fixed. Even if i died my parents still have their daughter and my twin brother. The hospital were my brother was being treated had so may kids like my brother. Some even worse, blind with brain damage, no hearing. I would be so shocked that there so many kids. I would think why would God do this. I would walk in different wards praying for healing. i would lose abit of faith everytime i would go there, and everytime my brother would get worse. I would hear stories of God healing people, people who couldnt walk can now walk. I would say God why help them but not my brother. You help people with filling up their car with fuel. When my older brother was on his death bed, i started to pray again to god begging him save him, i will sacrifice myself. What went thru my head was Abraham and his sacrifice of his son, God is testing me. I grab a knife tempting to kill myself so that God can finally cure my brother. I snapped out of that thought and said why should i die and then my parents and siblings will have to bury two kids. i dropped the knife. Religion dogma is bad especially for kids when the church teaches all these things from the bible, God is Omni, God loves you all, Ask and you will receive. Not even my sibilings and parents knew what i went through. My mother is devout christian. She would always say she is disappointed in us for stop goin to child. You could see it broke her heart. i learned to keep things to myself to protect my mother. when we burried my brother i felt so guilty because i thought i failed my brother. i was weak not a true christian. I would to go to church but i wasnt totally there i felt so fake. People would say God had plans for my brother i would say to them saying you have no idea the impact on my parents and what they had to go through. I would never wish this on any one, not even hilter. God works in mysterious way was always the excuse. It took many years until i was around 24 to fully step out of the religious hold. These things can be so traumatic to children that you even carry into ur adulthood. Now that the burden has been lifted, i could finally have peace with regards to my older brother. For those that think it was only my brother that contributed to deconverting me it wasnt. Growing up in mixed family, having a black mother and white father in South Africa during the 90s. This was the start of the fall of apartheid. You see alot of stuff the death threats because we are mixed, the failed attempts to kill my family from both black and white people. Many things went into deconverting. This video will help people knowing that they are not alone in this.

As a trans person coming out as trans was rough, and now here I am with atheism too ... This video is literally directly applicable to any type of coming out and I can confirm the advice you gave is spot on.

I'm in the process of telling a few people. It was a huge relief for me when I no longer had to decipher which religion is correct from the bible. I quit attending Catholic church. I'm gradually telling my kids. I will never tell my JW mom. I am really lonely. I've lost the little bit of community I had. I broke up with my fiancé. It is so tough. Love your thoughts on this.

I've heard of younger people that still live with their fundie parents wanting to come out to them. I think that it's ok to say that it's not a good idea to come out if it might put you into harm. They may kick you out, stop feeding you, or in some cases be abusive. It's ok to acknowledge that you can't until you're self-sufficient.

Making a big deal of coming out as an atheist here in Denmark would just result in a lot of awkward silence and people looking slightly confused by your 'big announcement'. - "Okay, so you're an atheist then? Well ... good for you I suppose. Actually we never knew you were a Christian to begin with but ... congratulations or whatever".

There’s only one thing worst than coming out as an atheist; coming out as a LGBTQ atheist.

Excellent video. Thank you. My strategy for coming out is not to make a big public announcement, but to mention it matter-of-factly when the subject comes up naturally in a conversation. In general, such a moment is very rare, now that my parents have passed and it's easier to live as my authentic self. I'm determined to help normalize non-belief by acting like it's not a big deal.

WOW! just finished the whole thing. This should be the video every new atheist watches! So much healthy wisdom and perspective. Thank you, Brandon for putting this together. I wish I could have had such an example when I was going through this for the first time!

I still haven’t really figured out the best way to go about it and have mostly avoided it for a few years. Mainly because when I did initially begin to discuss it the response was such shock that it kinda of…shocked me back? I wasn’t ready for the reactions, nor was I ready to be the mature person in the conversation due to other personal reasons. I really appreciate this video and I hope I can use it to help take some of the necessary steps that I deserve to be able to take for myself.

Great video as always. Again, this is the best atheist/agnostic KZfaq channel I’ve seen come out in years, and even exceeds most of the other great channels out there. Seriously, thank you for jumping in and doing this. As a former lifelong Christian in Alabama, I look forward to your videos each day like a kid on Christmas morning.

Sound, practical, comprehensive treatment for this. Excellent word choice examples and optimistic results orientation. It'll be a great day when "atheizing" and unchurching are completely normalized. Also love the letting the genie out of the lamp on the background.

If I was a believer about to deconstruct I would greatly appreciate those 7 essential tips.

In general I’m a good example of how NOT to come out as an atheist. I did it right with a few but, wrong with most. I didn’t even know atheist KZfaq channels existed when I had my epiphany. I could have benefitted a lot from this video! I started out not telling anyone at all. Eventually I told my adult daughter who had rejected religion when she was 15. After a horrible tragedy occurred in my life and my extended family really failed me, I came out very bluntly. They of course blamed it on the tragedy and still no matter how I explain the process was years in the making and the tragedy only prompted be to stop being inauthentic by hiding it they have not believed me. My timing was very off and my very assertive honesty was more than they could handle. We no longer have relationships but, more because of the lack of emotional support than anything else. My KZfaq “family” has been the best community I have ever had.

I like this video. For me it's a little late. I had to come out to everyone last year because me and my wife were expecting our 4th child. And as a Christian we had to get our little girl baptised. My wife still is a believer, I am not. I supported my wife, but I had to stand in front of a full church at about 1200 people who all saw/heard that my wife answered with yes, and I didn't answer that question. In my close family no one understands, but they don't shunt me out, but I did have some harsh comments.. all of my friends and all of my family still go to Church.. that's the hardest part, being the only one who sees religion the way I do.. Anyway. I hope this video helps people to get out of religion in a better way than I did..

This doesn't apply to me , but I appreciate how important it is for others. 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

Your channel is like therapy. Thank you so much for your kind and logical way of sharing your experiences and advice.

Hearing about what damage can be caused to relationships after coming out as an atheist in the US made me aware of how lucky I am to live in a secular country where being an atheist is considered normal. Good luck to anyone deconverting in a heavily religious environment, I'm sure these advice will be appreciated.

It goes with the territory…it’s okay to be angry. We all go through a phase:)

Ive been deconstructing for the past 2 years. Im agnostic now and would have kept this to myself for a while but recently I’ve been convinced I should be vegan. I have lived the past 6 months attempting to live out my new belief but whenever I go back to family, I break. I feel the demands of morality telling me I should come out but if I told my family I would almost certainly sever relationships completely. Ultimately I feel like a coward and it is killing me inside to keep this to myself.

As a hidden atheist myself in a Seventh Day Adventist household, this was very helpful and I'm thankful that you've made this video. I hope my parents will understand my reason and get to accept it.

Well thought out tips. As a practicing Catholic I find these tips quite reasonable and balanced overall.

I am myself in the process of coming out as an atheist. So far, I only told it to my girlfriend and my mother-in-law about a year ago. Don't know if I'll ever tell my parents. As it stands right now, I'd be only deteriorating our relationship for essentially nothing

I wish you had made this video a couple of years ago, my coming out was during arguments, but it was through these arguments, I learned who I really was. I lost my church family and my fiancé, but I gained a new life with a new family, and I can honestly say that I've never been happier.

This is a great video. Thank you. I still haven't figured out how to come out to my parents, or if it's even worth it.

Interesting video, thanks. It made me realise how different things still are on your side of the pond. I am from the UK and it would be difficult to imagine anyone nowadays from a Christian background, particularly if they were under 60 or so years of age, feeling that this was advice that needed to be widely shared for the benefit of the newly ex-Christian community. In a previous life I have been an opinion pollster and questioned literally thousands of people on matters of belief and affiliation, and, having interviewed even in rural and traditional areas, my own experience is that at least half the population no longer identify as Christians. Even those who do will often qualify their belief as being nominal only. I myself am in my late 60's, raised by atheist parents, and can honestly say that I have never felt oppressed or discriminated against in any significant way for this reason, and this is despite the fact that our head of state is also the head of the Anglican church and that unelected bishops still hold privileged positions in our parliamentary upper chamber. I think things are definitely different for young and not-so-young British ex-Muslims, coming as they often do from traditional cultures with often reactionary values, but the "Christian" mainstream in the UK have definitely come a long way since the 1950's. Hoping things won't be too long getting better for y'all across the pond too.

Very valuable takes here. While I don't actually consider myself an atheist, I can really see how well thought out these tips are. Good stuff. :) I really like your closing, how your horizons have been broadened by taking off the blinders. That's a helluva feeling. When I was a kid I would watch nature documentaries about dinosaurs and evolution and stuff and I remember my parents explicitly saying not to believe what they said because it obviously didn't agree with the Bible. The willful ignorance is insanely frustrating in retrospect, but like you say it's incredibly liberating when you finally cast off those shackles. Great vid. :)

Thank you. This is incredibly valuable to a lot of people. Fellow heathens, we will survive 😂 just waiting for a christian to come in "oh just wait for your last breath". Oh the love.

I just straight up said it. Most people I know were like whatever but my family didn't take it too well, especially my mom. She got real hurt.

these videos are creating on this channel are going to go down in history as some of the best ever.

Very valuable video. I have been an atheist for about 15 years but I have only told my mother. I didn't have to share with my husband because he deconverted from Christianity at about the same time. He finally insisted I tell my mother and I agreed that she should know. She didn't have much of a reaction except to tell me that she didn't want me to force my beliefs on her. Kind of ironic given my upbringing but okay. I will not come out at work because I absolutely feel I would be shunned and ultimately would lose my job. I would like to work elsewhere but I live in such a conservative Christian place that I can't imagine where I could work that I wouldn't have the same issue. I don't tell friends or acquaintances because I don't think it's any of their business. I didn't go to church for years before I changed so I didn't have church friends. My other friends and I don't have religious discussions much so leaving this fact out isn't hard. But I think most of them would reject me as well. So I'm not living authentically and I am coming to really hate that. I don't know if or when I will ever tell more people but I appreciate your advice.

This was a really good video. I'll probably watch it again, before I tell my family. A really good idea you had was not telling everyone all at once, I think I will tell my single family members individually and my coupled family members as couples. I have a similar story to yours. Sister was having her baby dedicated at a church, so I went to support her. Interestingly, the pastor admitted that this was a statement saying that the parents are going to indoctrinate the children. He used that word! No self reflection! (Side note: since becoming an atheist, every time I have gone to church I have left thinking "yup, I don't believe that anymore.") Finally, you are not alone in having your mind being opened up! This might be because we both have a fundamentalist background. Now, I'm learning so many new things, like science, history, and mental health! It can be overwhelming and scary sometimes, but overall it is exciting and rewarding.

Oooh, neuroscience. I'm right there with you. For me the best populist for Neuroscience is Steven Pinker. I highly recommend his books, but especially. 1. The Blank Slate, the Modern Denial of Human Nature. This positions neuroscience in the Nature vs Nurture wars. 2. The Stuff of Thought. This goes into the mechanics of the brain as manifest neurology. 3. The Language Instinct. The title says it all.

Your timing with this video is impeccable soooo... thanks for a third time man.

This is so good. I'm smackdab in the middle of deconstruction. I haven't "dropped the bomb" yet. This is such a big help. Preciate you for this video and for everything else you do.

I've only told my immediate family, my aunt, and some folks on Discord and Reddit among other places. I shudder to think of what most of my extended family would think once they find out the truth about me, which is why I'm waiting until I've got my own place to explain myself on KZfaq.

Thank you for sharing those tips.. I have only come out as an atheist to my wife and adult daughter. My wife first reaction was that I must be worshiping the devil. After I explained my thoughts, she grudgingly accepted my position.

I feel the same way. The awe and excitement that comes with a understanding of science, of evolution by natural selection, cosmology, etc., is so much better than “god did it”. I’m so much better off and happier. This video took a lot of work and it’s very appreciated. I can envision it helping many, many people.

some notes I am making as I hear your video. I moved first to Deism thanks to Thomas Payne and the "Age of Reason" lingering there for a good while then to atheism. In addition the rejection of evolution by most in my Chruch and family caused me serious problems back in the late 1960's and early 1970's. I was raised in the rural South and attended a smaller Southern Baptist Church in the 1950's and 1960's. I also agree that others "act out" because they question their own faith. It scares them that someone they know can dismiss Christianity. I have seen this firsthand. To many that live around me. politics and faith go hand and hand like never before. You just about have to be a republivan to be a true christian. From the outside I have watched this develop. When I fell out with the GOP and didn't vote for Trump that was a sign of a sin to many. (I know you are not getting political here but I am discussing myelf not your channel_) I never confronted my family or friends about my beleifs. It was a slow one on one process to me. However, some discussions could of got heated if I'd of let it. Many family members still refuse to believe I rejected the faith. I don't tell them that being a Christain is wrong. I just tell them it is not what I believe and sometimes give them ideas why I don't beleive. I will say that after "91l"(World Trade Center) I did get more upfront with my rejection of faith and the danger of faiths to humanity. But still I am not shouting it out. I just stopped walking away from discussions. I never got in the position to debate passages of the bible with folks. If they push the bible and bible verses then I want them to explain the supernatural events first. But as far as discussions about bible teaching, I just don't do that and I am not interested in studying the bible again to have such useless discussions. I don't need to study the bible to confirm what I believe which is all that ever happens. I know some of my family blamed my Mom and said she was too hard on me by making me go to Church all the time. This is funny because they did the same thing with their kids lol They have asks my wife about this. They seek to find some emotional problem that would cause me to drop the faith and to guide me so far off track. My mom's faith didn't cause me to leave Christanity. I think it was in fact a roadblock keeping me from saying much earlier as I didn't want to hurt her feelings. She was a very good woman and I didn't want to cause her pain. , I don't miss Church because I sat there and would think all the time "that's bullshit" I do miss the people and the connections before the services started. Some people will not do anymore than speak to me now because I am not a Christian. Some people say they will not do business with anyone not a Christian. I usually ask them why are buying products made in China and Japan if that is true. I think you have to find piece in your own mind and all the rest will work out. It "working out" may mean you loss friends. I will not live in a lie to have friends anymore. If they don't like me as I am then f**k them. I did live like that for a long time and was not happy. I found being at peace with what I beleive to be more important than judgement of others. I will confess however I never directly told my mom before she died. We talked around the edges but not directly . If a Christian tells me personal experiences in order to change my belief then I will push back sometimes. I didn't always do that. I also will push back at people that constantly try to get me to go to church after I have told them I am not interested. Some of my family don't understand that as well. I told them that after a while being asked to go to Church is nothing but harassment. I am intelligent and know where most of the Churches are in my local area and could find one if I wanted to go to one. I don't have to yield to their faith as I once thought in order to get by in the world. My personal believes are just as important to me as theirs are to them. I do however understand how this could be a huge problem if you work in some of the Christian businesses like some of the ones here where I live. They will fire you if you don't play the stupid game. Luck for me I never had to play that game. When my Dad and then later my mom died I didn't stop the religious services as their families were there at the funeral home. I told the preacher that I was not a christian but they were and they would want religious services. I also told him the rest of my family would want a religious service. I could of controlled this since I am an only child. I did however refuse to have a dinner at the Church after the services were over. That was just to much for me.

Thank you for this, Brandon. It really helped me in determining who and when I have come out to. My son and youngest brother were easy, and they came first. My son is not a believer, and my brother has some mystical ideas about religion. My cousin, who has been such a close friend, has pretty well written me out of her life. She said that Christianity was all we had in common. I remained calm and kind, but, boy, that was hurtful! My niece, who is a very strong Christian, said that she saw it coming for quite a while as my conversations with her slowly changed. She visits with me for weeks at a time a few times a year, and I wanted her to know that I just just don't believe anymore before she arrives for her visit that is coming up soon. She said that it might be uncomfortable periodically during the visit but that we will work through it day by day because of our deep love and respect for each other. That warmed my heart. As far as my Christian friends, who I do not see as often, I'm just not pushing it. It will only take me telling one of them, and it will pass quickly through the prayer chain! I'm not quite ready for that. One day at a time. Thank you again for this video. I devour every one of them, but this one has helped me the most.

Most important: You don't owe anyone an explanation. So don't get trapped in a conversation where the goal is to "reconvert" you. It won't be productive.

I'm not an atheist, but I'm still in the process of leaving various Christian based communities and figuring out how to express my changing belief system to Christian friends. And also to my young children.

I’m traveling the deconversion path and have been for about two years. Many points in this video are relatable to my story. Thanks for the tips.

There was just too much to handle: the strong pioneer heritage of my family, the gayness, my mental disability, and the vicious rumors about my lifestyle. I went into self-shunning mode. My partner and I have lived in a cocoon for years. We are not hermits, exactly, but we have a very limited social life. As I interpret what you said, there is no course of action with the label, "One size fits all."

I mean sometimes when family or someone says god bless you, I don't respond because they know, just don't want to believe and other friends of mine also, but at times it stressful, I mean I hang in there of course. ( Note: they say bless because they so used to saying it, at times I just look the other way. ( Great video, my guy.

If this topic is ever revisited on this channel, and I'm sure it'll keep coming up periodically, one note that was overlooked is to remind young atheists especially to make sure it's SAFE before coming out. This is true not just for young atheists, but young non-binary and other LGBTQIA+ individuals. If you have parents that pay the rent, etc, be careful not to put yourself in a bad situation!! Have a backup plan just in case things go unexpectedly unwell. It may be safer to wait until you're old enough to get your own place before telling your parents, for example. All families are unique, and you should keep your family's dynamic in mind before putting yourself out there. It can be harder to be homeless than it is to be a covert agnostic.

I told my parents and they are pretty unhappy about it. However, I could never tell my extended family which are still very fundamental and conservative with their beliefs and coming out would absolutely destroy them. So I’m still in the closet but at least my parents know.

Another great video, Brandon. Practical tips and useful questions. Your channel has helped me (and I’m sure many others) deconstruct mindsets from Christianity that I didn’t realize were so internalized and still affecting my worldview! Even after watching atheist content for a long time, somehow those lingering ideologies still existed in my perspective and were detracting from my personal happiness, and yours is the first channel that made me realize that. Thanks again for all you do!

watching back through your videos, both intentionally and letting the algorithm suggest stuff too, finally stumbled apon this. as an agnostic atheist like you, i appreciate your articulation so much on every video i’ve watched. many around me know (and can/have inferred) that about me, similar to my sexual attractions (bisexual, but in a long term relationship with my boyfriend. i tend to use partner and boyfriend pretty interchangeably). I never really had a “coming out” for either, but have been mindful of the conversations i have with certain family members, as like you mentioned, sometimes coming out/having that dialogue with being a non believer would be more detrimental to keeping them in your life. both sets of my grandparents were/are heavily religious, one set in the non-denominational aspect and are in certain ways more open minded, and the other was church of christ (my minister of a late grandfather was CoC), and my living paternal grandma that I still talk with, is one i wouldn’t want to burden that conversation with of not believing and not being heterosexual, even though i’m in a “straight” relationship. we still talk about god and the bible from time to time, but with her age and health, and how she is (still the sweetest lady), it’s not hurting me to allow her to continue what she believes in, and it brings her comfort. i think it’s really helping her through this time in her life (she’s defying “the universe” as i call it, by living longer than projected for her terminal illness, and i think her faith plays into it). anyway, long winded to say that i enjoy your content, wanted to share for anyone else that may stumble across this video and comment section, and give you some more engagement. thanks for your work Brandon! editing to add: be prepared for grief feelings too, and for others that you share with, may deal with it too, with coming out. i’m sure some grief comes up (i have) for deconstructing for others, but i felt called to add as well.

I`m so happy I found this channel! your very clear, understanding and straightforward in how you explain. I`m sure what you do helps so many people, thank you!

I’m sure this will be very useful to a lot of your viewers. As someone who has been out as an atheist since age 13/14, I never had to deal with any of that but then again, religion was almost exclusively a school thing for me and I was fine antagonizing everyone. My father was very religious and we did have terrible arguments over this, but those were unavoidable and no amount of deliberation would have changed anything. I can’t put myself in the believer’s shoes, although I can obviously try, as I was never one- not in the same terms, at least; I did believe in God as I was indoctrinated but I never cared for the character.

Dan Barker is awesome. 😎

Nice.

This video was like therapy for me. Thank you.

a very methodical and comprehensive approach to such a difficult matter. by the way, religion is one of the great taboo subjects here in greece, along with sex, love and mental disorders (of course).

I just want to say... Thank you for this.

I highly recommend Dan Barker's book Godless. It is a great book to read while deconverting from religion.

Excellent vid, Brandon. I think most people are afraid of death, which in Christianity, you don't die, you go on to best place and are reunited with Mom and Granny in heaven. And you can keep Depression at arms length by the promise of Good Things to Come and seeing people you grieve over having lost. No need to grieve, you get reunited. That's a strong basis to have faith. And they are afraid of god, with reason, of what he will do if he gets angry, OT is full of whole towns being destroyed b/c of bad actors among them, killing innocent people along with bad guys. So being a non believer you are a Jonah and need to be tossed off the boat. People join and like cliques and turn on those not in the group. I work closely with theists at a job where we have to have each other's backs or we could be seriously hurt or killed. I'd hate to be the outsider who is the "other". Could easily have something happen and be seen as proof of having fallen out of god's favor. See god will get you thing. And they are Ok with god as supreme tyrant, got to kiss up or else, and I get it, life can be like that, but personal relationships?

I was born, raised and educated into a fundamentalist religion. It took until I was in my 40's to begin the process of falling away. I didn't make any claims about it to my family or anyone else because I just didn't care. As I entered my 50's about five years ago, I realized much to my relief that I am indeed atheist. If the conversation of religion or god ever comes up I just speak about it factually and make it clear neither I nor my kids are part of that any more. I get some shocked looks now and then, but since I have no need to defend it or debate it, the conversations are inconsequential. I just don't care. I think if a person has to stage a "coming out" it speaks more to wanting conformation and/or acceptance which just ain't gonna happen. The way I see it, if I were to make being an atheist a central part of my identity, I'm just replacing one religion with another. If I want my family members to accept it and I try to defend or justify it, I am still just preaching. Other people are younger and may have more serious consequences. For me, I just don't care, so it's likely easier.

That was super insightful and helpful! Thank you!

Great video. A good way of understanding a balanced attidue when trying to explain the reasons to someone we care about.

Great video! I leave this offering to the almighty Algorithm hoping it will hear my prayers and spread it far and wide. 😅

When I came out to my roommate that I was a lesbian (we are like sisters) she asked me outright if I still believed God. I said a very simple "no". Later, weeks later, faith came up again when she was ready. I calmly stated how I felt, where I was in my belief, and instead of pointing fingers at her, I simply told her I felt MUCH more peaceful after deconstructing and opened the door for her by asking if she felt peace, and if so, it's perfectly okay. She said no... not really... and then changed the subject, so I let it drop since. Your video was a big help!

I think agnosticism is the most honest position most of the time.

Thank you so much. I can't put into words what this video means to me.

Thank you! This is my favorite podcast. Your breakdown on the issue is tremendous!!

For me, it was public announcement with explanations. I was defiant and said everything I disliked at once. It was not Christianity, but a convert religion for Westerners (Buddhism), so no hard feelings.

It was easier and with fewer repercussions to come out as gay three decades ago than to come out as atheist five years ago. My older sister and her family will barely speak to me and a few friends no longer consider me one, but for the overwhelming part, life goes on as normal. Living your life rather than acting a life is worth it. Others have gone through it and there are people out here ready to help just as MindShift is. BTW, being gay had almost nothing to do with my becoming atheist. It was the required cognitive dissonance that Christian apologetics demand -- How can God's words actually mean something completely different from what was written, especially when any interpretation of them is awful? Couple that with Christian hypocrisy: the Beatitudes are just suggestions, "neighbor" suggests a mile-limit. Fastest way to atheism, read the bible as you would a non-fiction book, preferably a concordance Bible with commentary on the translation and other versions/sources (some differences in ancient fragments are theologically significant). All of it, the failed prophecies, the contradictions, the unrealistic and anti-scientific; not just the fifty carefully selected verses you hear at church. Don't just pick out the few good parts that mimic behavior also displayed by other pack animals, my dog more-or-less obeys most of the applicable Ten Commandments. I don't know if the Sabbath should be Saturday or Sunday so Prints and I take both of them off, except he will still pick up sticks so as a good Christian I suppose I should stone him to death.

Im going through this now, thanks for the video. I relate to pretty much everything you said about interests now that I am no longer religious.

Jesus was right as he said: "You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." Knowing and understanding the truth about god being not real totally set me free from all those shackles.

Wonderful video! I'm sure so many of your typical watchers have already come out, but i hope this finds the right ones!

I grew up fairly secular. We did go to church when I was young but in grade 5 we had stopped. But I have always had fear of God. Even now at 60

"I don't know" is the honest answer to all of the god claims. I tell everyone I'm an atheist and why. It helps that I live an independent life in a democrat, liberal left county in California and my Catholic family lives on the east coast.

I loved this video so much. You are helping me so much, thank you

I am very thankful for this video. Thank you for your mission and for this advice. 💛

I’ve told my partner and that’s it. I think my dad knows but I’m not disclosing it unless he asks. No one really has a right to know and I don’t want to be evangelized to The truth will come out of its true. Preach the gospel at all time and when necessary, use words. Francis of Assisi said that and it’s one of the reasons why I’m now an atheist

Question for you (let me know if you already covered it in another video) - I’ve deconverted pretty recently (about 8 months ago) and I’ve only told a couple people. I’ve done a lot of the things you talked about and I’m taking my time because I know it’s devastating news for my family and friends. I’m honestly currently struggling with wanting to tell the whole world the good news of not believing! I feel so free now and happy and have this amazing appreciation for life and those around me… and I want everyone to feel this way and be free from religion. I feel like a veil has been lifted and everything makes so much more sense. I also have fear for my nieces and nephews and want to protect all these kids from the indoctrination I grew up with and want to warn everyone not to do this to their kids… Have you felt this way? How do you deal with this?

It all sounds good. I've been feeling militant about it all,but I certainly don't want to ACT militant. I'm 56. Both my parents are living, both Christians. My mom has taken to sharing amen memes lately. The easiest thing would be to just share this video on fb and let the chips fall where they may. I have a channel. I want to make a video expressing my thoughts on this, but I get emotional on subjects like death and I can't even get a rough draft on paper. I think a person by person approach is best, but I know it will be a rough conversation with my parents. Much hand wringing and head shaking and am I a Satanist? 😅 I feel I have so much to say but can't process it all. My wife walked in on me having a moment thinking about it all 2 days ago. I feel like a big stupid baby sometimes. Like I'm grieving a loss, but what loss? I've never really been a believer. I've always felt phony in church. Just going through the motions, even though common sense is telling me this can't. Be real. It's like Roman and Greek gods. Sorry about all the typos I'm on a phone. I'm glad for videos like yours and the other stuff I watch. I'm grateful for the outlet.

Speaking from experience, I shall add that you should make friends with at least two people who do not ascribe to the same faith that you do. None of them have to be an atheist, an agnostic, or even of a different religion, though it would probably help, at least on your end. I understand that finding even just one may be rather difficult, but it is okay if you only find one. I recommend going for at least two because no matter how many it ends up being, you will likely have to reach beyond your normal circles in order to find them, and if you do manage to find one from doing so, you really can do it again. From here on, this is under the assumption that you have found one such person, but this applies equally across however many you do. Befriend them, bond over anything - and maybe even everything - other than religion. Once you know and are comfortable with whatever boundaries you both have and how far you both are willing to go beyond them, hold (ideally) harmless discussions about each other's religion. Do not ever bring up the possibility of converting to another religion for either side. Whatever you discuss, maybe for the goal of being a better person, do not bother with bringing up either side's faith or religion; just strive to be a better person in general, and if there is plenty in their holy text that can be used to reinforce that (ideally without any threat of some kind of punishment otherwise, explicit or implicit), use it. Also, do not try to bring up any logical or philosophical arguments - Kalam, cosmological, ontological, or anything else. Those are death traps, and both sides (yourself included) will likely dig in their heels in defense of their side. Granted, it is good to think about them for yourself, and you can certainly talk about them if you really want to delve into them with others open to discussing them, but do not bring them up to whoever you even _suspect_ will snap back against them. Again, speaking from experience, these arguments may appear to end on your side, but it is too easy to get swept up and heated over them, so unless you actually have the temperament for level-headed discussions over them, do not bother with them. Do not be afraid to make jokes (preferably lighthearted ones) about certain aspects of each other's faith or religion. If they express genuine enjoyment for the material of the likes of George Carlin, Lewis Black, Bill Hicks, and/or others who have a reputation for eviscerating religion, then you _might_ be able to make such jokes. Otherwise, keep it friendly, and do not aim to hurt. This has been my experience with my best friend, who I had met in university and was a Sunni Muslim. We did not meet over any sort of religious or philosophical discussion, but rather in a student area over both of us having the same handheld game system (PSP) and the same game at the time (Metal Gear Solid: Portable Ops), and we joined a multiplayer setup between us. From there, we introduced ourselves, we got to know each other, including our faiths (I was Catholic at the time), and we generally had fun. How we bonded the most, though, was over comedy albums, and because I brought them up earlier, yes, it was the ones of George Carlin, Lewis Black, and Bill Hicks (I had them in my iTunes library on my laptop, and my laptop actually had two headphones jacks, so we got to listen without needing to share headphones or disturbing anyone around us). As an aside, when he heard Carlin's bit of "If there is a God, it has to be a man. No woman could or would ever f^^^ things up like this," he simply shrugged thoughtfully and acknowledged that he had a point - and he nearly fell over from laughter at the closing bit about invoking God to strike the audience dead before switching to himself. As another aside, I joined him through Ramadan (think of it as the Muslim version of Lent but taken to another level) for two years, and we exploited one of the loopholes given for it, namely the one on no entertainment unless it was educational... which meant lots of binging of Mythbusters during our lengthy breaks from classes. That kind of stuff, bit by bit, will make it easier to come out as an atheist or even just agnostic, at least with them. Those discussions about being a good person in general, regardless of any faith held, will probably do more to help you than the other parts of whatever friendship you build, though every part will undoubtedly help. Who knows, you might even end up getting them to come around to atheism themselves, though I cannot emphasize enough that this particular outcome should _NEVER_ be a goal. Like how it likely did with you, this is something they will have to come to themselves, and any perceived attempt to guide them towards it (it does not have to be a real attempt - just them imagining it as such is often enough) is very likely to backfire. I know how objectivist this sounds, and I am someone who despises objectivism, but if you are considering atheism in the hopes of pleasing someone other than yourself, then you had better stop with that right now, for you will be in for quite possibly nothing but disappointment. This is something you have to decide for yourself and yourself only. I understand how terrifying that can sound - again, experience - but this is the nature of it. In many ways, this is like coming out as LGTBQ+ (granted, I am not such, so I can only infer from relatives of mine who are): if your family, your community, cannot accept you for what you are and instead want you to be just like them, then they were never truly your family or community to begin with. This kind of experiences will likely teach you very quickly (and quite possibly painfully) that family is more than sharing a bloodline, which is nothing more than a convenient means/excuse. I do not blame anyone looking to come out to dismiss what I have said here. After all, it probably sounds like I had a rather pleasant time for my coming out as an atheist. Sure, that final moment might have been the most (comparatively) pleasant, but that was after so much of other stuff going on for quite a long time, such as taking separate cars to Sunday Mass so that me and my brother could ditch our mother (leaving her with her own car) and not have to wait for her to wrap up her choir activities. That's how it is: bit by bit, hint by hint, step by step, inch by inch, and some of these are going to be more painful than others. The point is that if you never do any of this stuff, you will never get anywhere, and any sudden attempt you might make will be all the more unprepared and thus more painful. All I tried to provide is one possible step towards that final goal. It might not truly be required, but every tip helps, and it comes down to you deciding whether or not to utilize it.

For someone like me who lives in one of the Northern countries of Europe. Where 'Don't believe in a deity' is the norm, and where you won't be disadvantaged at all if you come out with not believing. Is it very hard to grasp, that in some countries it can be a real struggle. And especially in 'first world countries' (maybe I'm using a wrong word here but my native language is not English. My sincere apologies if I'm wrong here). If I can make a small contribution, it will be with the following. How many people know about that particular god, let's say, some 500 years ago. Does that mean that already billions of people who lived before that time almost all over the world had useless and hopeless lives? And would you really want to worship such a god? Wishing you lots of strength and Look at Northern Europe, what has happened there in the last 50 years.

Imagine that. Getting all of your knowledge from the Bible your entire life. And suddenly you discover neuroscience, kosmology, biotechnology etc.. Must be awesome to experience that.

I'm having a hard time telling my father. He is 88, and it will definitely upset him. I probably never will. I'm very conflicted.

8. Fade away. If you are not out yet then you are already in the process of fading even if one is going through all the motions previously when one was a believer. Here are some tips for fading away. 8.1 Just stop attending events. When asked why just say you're no longer interested. 8.2 Learn the Christian tropes and use them. Christians will say things to atheists like, "you're angry at god", or "you were never a true Christian," or "read more Bible", or "it was a trauma", or "college did it", or my favorite, "you want to sin more". As you fade away just use these based on the situation like, "I guess I started losing interest when I attended college", or "I'm angry at god cause he didn't answer", or "I never felt like a true Christian", or "I quit reading the Bible", whatever. Given Christians use these then they are most likely to believe them and stop the conversation from going any further. 8.3 Use interest instead of faith. I always say I lost interest. Interest doesn't fit into the Christian tropes for atheists losing faith. I got bored is not something they will easily have a comeback for. 8.4 Say you believe in god but are not religious. There are many ways to say this. Say you are agnostic. That's what my sister does. What most religious people react the strongest too in my experience is "atheist". Avoid the term. Sometimes I think it is the shock that people object to the most. By taking a couple of years of gradually fading away then people can prepare and say, "well, I saw that coming."

I really like how you mention that you are an atheist to Yahweh and other "gods" that have been presented in this world... and agnostic towards what really started the cosmos. I think that is how I have been sharing my story... I am agnostic when it comes to how life began and atheistic towards the "God" I grew up with. So I get the label of agnostic atheist. it's actually easier to explain that way and less offensive. It is a claim against what I was asked to believe in as a narrative... not the whole enchilada that really remains unknown for me. I let go of theological certainty and didn't feel confident enough to embrace scientific certainty. I am a poet who likes to look at her world with wonder and curiosity. I like the stories that come from the scientific world view... but I'm only 55 years old. I am not 17.3 billion years old and I don't understand how they get that number anyway. But I would rather believe the Grand Canyon was carved over a massive amount of time...versus a divine snap of the fingers. That is poetry... to embrace the gradual change... because that is also what I have experienced in my 55 years of living. Nothing happens at the snap of a finger in my life... so it makes sense to believe in the evolving process with something so massive like the cosmos. Thank you.

I stopped going to church. I never explained to anyone nor was I asked. It has been 50 years.

Hey Thank you for the video I wish I had this before I came out as an atheist to my parents, especially my mum. My dad handled it quite well and was pretty supportive although him being Christian. My mum however was dead silent once I told her. My dad knew before my mum. That's because I have a good relationship with my dad and can openly talk to him about pretty much everything. It was hard for me to tell my mum on the other hand. My mum is very conservative and hates homosexual and despises atheists. It was very hard because I had to hear her comments on atheism and people being Atheist. It hurt me and I was really conflicted. The main reason why I told my parents is that I didn't want to lie to them. I wanted them to at least tolerate me because of who I am and not who they want me to be. My mum basically said that atheist are immoral and have no sense of purpose. That they're blinded by satan. She also called them Satanist and demonic. She also said other things but you get the gist of it. Hearing her comments made me cry once. I really couldn't believe that she's thinks that of me (indirectly). I still am unsure if I should've told my mum or not because she always tries to convince me, while sending me quotes and shitty YT Videos with flawed arguments. My relationship with her is alright, but I barely engage in discussions concerning religion or I just don't say my opinion.

One of the few, angry atheists? Bro, I don’t know many former theist atheists that weren’t angry for a couple years. I really appreciate this video. I wish I had it earlier on… but I think angry atheists are the majority for the first while after coming out.

Sometimes there is no point in coming out My father is 94 years old and has been a devout Christian his whole life He lives 350 miles away from me I feel no guild whatsoever about telling blatant lies to him about still being a Christian going to church He would be extremely upset and concerned if he knew the truth

Thank you for creating this particular video. I’ve been deconstructing and as someone who thoroughly loves learning new information I find it difficult knowing how to bring up these new interests without causing negative response from the people around me. I’m curious if you and your partner have both deconverted or if you are in an interfaith(less) relationship?

Idk if anyone will see this considering how old the video is, but I wanted to say it somewhere. I have only 2 people I want to come out to, but those 2 people happen to be my parents(who I live with). My whole life they have been extremely controlling and willing to take away everything I care about in the blink of an eye. They also have a firm stance against atheism, which probably makes you wonder why I even want to come out in the first place. The issue, and the reason I want to come out, is that I'm caught in a farce where they believe I'm an extremely devoted christian. Having to pretend and maintain the illusion that I agree with their beliefs almost every day is exhausting, to an excruciating degree. The worst part is that I still have probably a good 1-2 years at the minimum before I have the resources to move out. I don't know how much longer I can keep ruining my mental health for this. If I didn't know that the fallout would most likely be extreme, I would've come out a long while ago, especially since I've been fully deconverted for at least a year and a half. I just don't know what to do about it at this point, I feel like giving up and telling them almost every day. I just want to stop having to pretend to be someone I'm not all the time. Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this

I was named Matthew and hated it, like being named Muhammad, but for Christians... so I changed it to Max, legally! Like if the two T crosses in Matt fell over into an X.

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Trying Googling: THE SUNDAY ASSEMBLY

Hello from Jamaica 🇯🇲...I'm the only out athiest in my community and family...the thing is no one cares..my mom is a talibangelist....my dad not sure ..the bulk of my inner circles are talibangelicals...but no one cares that I'm atheist...no noticeable changes in my relationships with these people..

Most of my family took learning about my atheism just fine. My dad every so often keeps trying to convince me evolution isn't real like somehow he thinks that's gonna convince me that Yahweh has to be real and Christianity has to be true without asking me why I'm an atheist. Its honestly annoying but at least he doesn't di it often. It just comes out of the blue every 6 months or so. He also doesn't understand how evolution works and doesn't listen when I try to explain it to him either.

The phrase "this is YOUR life" will be argued by believers. They will say, "no, your life is GOD'S not your own." Which is why suicide or euthanasia is such an abhorrent concept to them. Not only is your life not your own, but it's sacred (their thoughts, not mine) and "who are you to destroy something sacred? Your life should end in god's time, not yours." I know my wife is of this mindset. Not easy being a deconverted believer who is married to someone who still believes. Brandon knows this very well.

TheraminTrees had a video on coming out, but it's not there anymore. Maybe he found out there was bad advice in it and took it down? I thought it was great but i never had to come out so i'm not confident in my judgment. But maybe some people didn't like it and flagged it? Anyway, i wanted to compare it with yours but it's been too long since i watched it so i won't be able to do that.

This discussion is related only to specific societies, e.g. USA. In most of Europe you would not even consider " coming out", what on earth from?

I feel sorry for people who have grown up in strongly religious communities, but have come to understand that the reality of life doesn't match with those religious beliefs. There is a great deal of potential insecurity in accepting the unproven as proven, so I can guess that believers would want to twist things, in order paint disbelievers as being the foolish ones. The faith argument has always been weak, as seen in the slanderous attack of Psalm 14:1 “The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.”

I don’t know if I agree with this premise. I didn’t come out as someone who doesn’t believe in unicorns.