"Their bad behavior shouldn't be the cause of your heart-attack." Brilliant!

I know at least 5 ways to deal with them: 1. Never take their words personally. Always have this suspicion in mind, that they do not wish good for you, so you shouldn't trust their opinion of you. 2. Don't compete with them. It is futile and drains your energy. 3. If they attack you, stay calm, indifferent and if possible give them a sneaky compliment. The odds are they are used to people attacking them back and it takes them off guard when you see the positive things in them rather than the negative. 4. Don't become them. If they are negative, be positive. If they lie, tell the truth. If they speak behind your back, speak to their face. Always lead with example, because they might not simply have the skills to do that. 5. Do not trust them. Don't tell them personal details about your life or things they could use against you. Keep your distance and value your boundaries. Protect yourself.

You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing things with logic. True power is restraint. If words control you that means everyone else can control you. Breathe, and allow things to pass.

Repeat after me: It's safe to set boundaries with difficult people. No matter what they say or feel, I am safe.

Difficult people are okay. The tricky part is dealing with people who are allowed to bully all others, and no one will say, “No”. Those of us who aren’t managers are left to receive cruel attitudes, and take responsibility for bullies’ failures, or lose a job. It’s the norm in many organizations.

“It’s your heart attack” this is very true

I swear I need this to deal with my whole family 🥺

You can't control people's actions but you can control your reaction

This only works if all people involved are reasonable. If one or more parties can't be reasoned with, then the problem continues. You can communicate until you're blue in the face, but if the other person isn't willing to communicate appropriately, then you've hit a brick wall.

Anyone else dealing with a difficult coworker

Long story short: keep the convo brief, simple, cool, calm and level headed. Only give one word answers than a full sentence. Don’t give them the benefit of the doubt. Be the bigger person and do yourself a favour and save yourself from that heartache. Trust me when I say this it works every time. Giving them a reason to whine and complain and talk about said drama only repeats itself if you give them the time and energy to do it. When they get less of that, well, the difficulty becomes easier to manage 🙃

10:54 - The best advice - "It's much more valuable to be a friend than an enemy. If people like you, they will do business with you. If they don't like you, they will do everything in their power to usurp your success."

Cannot communicate with sociopaths on any reasonable level. People who cannot empathize will never see things from your point of view. Someone who is a sociopathic master manipulator can only be dealt with by affecting what matters most to them, money. Unfortunately, office sociopaths who gaslight daily rarely get reprimanded. They have everyone else in the office convinced they are wonderful and that you are the problem. Best solution is to remove yourself from that environment.

“Each of us are a difficult person for someone else” yes. love that. I just got the notification for one of the likes and saw I had like 200... how come I didn’t get 200 notifications? Lol Anyway thanks guys 🙃

Whenever i have to deal with difficult people, i switch on my “im not gonna talk to this person forever.” Im really good to that.

These things work with difficult people, but not people with real mental health issues or substance abuse behaviors.

Are you reading comments while listening?

Among other things, the most important thing I learned from this is that when our flight/fight system is activated, the way to tell your body that it isn't a real danger is to breathe. Your body knows that in real danger, you would not be able to stop and take a deep breath, so it turns it off - and basically, your brain goes back online. Why o why did I not realize this before!!!! Thank you for your talk. Great presenter, great message. :-)

I like the way he ends the talk by giving a clear picture of "what's in it for me". In my experience angriness/holding grudges towards other people is a double edged sword. If you think that you punish another person by showing that person hostility, you have forgotten who is carrying the angriness on the inside.

don't let some one else's toxicity become your heart attack ... so very true.

Some one else's bad behavior, shouldn't be your heartache..!!!

Dealing with toxic people is a waste of your time. You simply cannot and do not want to get into the thinking of toxic people.

Anyone dealing with a difficult boss one thing I learned to get them off of your back.. Even if you know how to do something ask them to help you with things they can’t say no to.. After the third or fourth time they will avoid you this has always helped me at work

We can't change other people's behaviour but we can change how we react

Stress is the number one cause of all illness!

Once dealt with difficult people in a small company and I can say that no amount of behavioral intelligence I exercised made my time lighter or gave insights to their own behavior. I basically just gave up being nice and leaving the company was the most rewarding thing I did. On my last day, I wore a shabby sleeping t-shirt and slippers, walking around the office with my head held high.

“Because it’s your heart attack.” So powerful.

“…each of us is a difficult person to someone else.” Many people, if not most, use this to excuse being difficult! When I tell my friend: “That’s the way he is”, I don’t mean for them to dismiss their feelings about that person’s behavior!

If it’s your boss, they are not going to change. Plain and simple, YOU must change. Or go find another job. No other way

Difficult people at work place in my experience is all about jealousy, you just have to ignore them. If you need to talk to them because that is the nature of your workplace, just be so calm and wear a cold mask.

This line is just amazing: "Cause it's your heart attack and no one's behaviour should be a cause for your heart attack"

I'm dealing with a difficult parent. My father is "old school" and won't listen. He is always right. Today is Easter Sunday and we didn't even talk or hug each other. My dad doesn't know how to be vulnerable and admit he's wrong. At this point, it's easier to distance myself and let him believe he is right. It's a "painful" peace. Painful, because he is alive and we don't have a relationship. I am a good person and genuinely wanted my dad but I am learning to accept that my father will never change. It's best to keep my space. My mother is always on his side. So, I can't even talk to her either. It's very surface conversations with my parents. It sucks so much but I am learning that they put themselves in that box.

💯”Is that behavior worth my heart attack!” I hate being around a person that tries to treat you like their servant! I know it’s their “unjustified sense of entitlement”, but I hate their audacity!

*Behavioral intelligence* *1) Explain existing behaviors-* contemplate why someone would behave a certain way. Separate the person from the behavior- removing the label. Not what's wrong with them, but what happened to them. *2) Predict future behaviors-* helps reduce anxiety producing uncertainty *3) Influence other people's behaviors-* be inclusive when communicating e.g. "WE are having difficulty communicating." Also use praise and recognition when possible- gets you out of enemy zone and into friend zone *4) Control our own behaviors-* be self-aware. Take a deep breath, count to ten. Approach with thoughtfulness.

12:05 start here, you welcome.

THE ONLY thing that kept me going was my Faith! Thank you God!!!

Some of the most annoying behaviors: 5/5/23 - Thought to capitalize more severe terms NARCISSISM - When someone only cares for themself. (Someone with narcissism usually possesses at least 5-10 of the other traits mentioned below) (Added these parentheses 5/5/23) GASLIGHTING - When someone tries to make you think you're crazy even when you have evidence. (WATCH OUT, THEY'RE TRYING TO BAIT YOU INTO AN ARGUMENT, DON'T FALL FOR IT, ESPECIALLY IF YOU KNOW THEY'LL GET CRAZY CRAZY ANGRY) CONDESCENSION - When someone feels they're better than everyone else. (WATCH OUT, THESE PEOPLE WILL TRY TO BAIT YOU INTO ARGUMENTS USING CONDESCENSION AND TREATING YOU LIKE A BABY) Presumptuousness - When someone "thinks" you'll be ok with something but doesn't care to ask and they make the decision anyways. PASSIVE AGGRESSION - When someone says something to you that has an opposite meaning than what they said. (WATCH OUT, THIS CAN BE VERY SUBTLE AND HARD TO NOTICE, THEY WILL SWOOP YOU WITH THIS AND YOU WON'T REALIZE THEY WERE BEING PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE) VICTIMIZATION - When someone makes you out to be a bad guy and acts innocent when they're not. (WATCH OUT) Delusion - When someone says things about you that aren't even true. Jealousy - When someone hates you because you have a characteristic they lack. Hypocrisy - When someone gets on to you for doing something then goes and does the same thing they got on to you about. Pettiness - When someone gets mad at the littlest things. JUSTIFICATION - When someone always feels "in the right" despite what they've done. (WATCH OUT, SOMEONE ALWAYS MAKING EXCUSES FOR THEIR ACTIONS IS SOMETHING TO WATCH OUT FOR) LYING - No need to define. Boisterousness - When someone purposely tries to get on your nerves. Ego Stroking - When someone acts interested in you ONLY so they can get what they want in return. GHOSTING - When they ignore you out of the blue. (WATCH THIS HAPPEN MULTIPLE TIMES, YOU'LL WONDER IF THEY'RE EVEN DOING IT, IF ANYONE WANTS AN EXAMPLE OF GHOSTING BECAUSE THE SIGNS ARE SO SUBTLE, ASK ME AS I HAVE A PERFECT EXPERIENCE EXAMPLE) PROJECTION - When they put their negative emotions onto you. (WATCH OUT, THIS IS HOW A NARCISSIST LIKES TO DEMONIZE YOU AND PUT THINGS UPON YOU THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU AND WILL REROUTE THE CONVERSATION TO MAKE YOU THINK ITS YOUR PROBLEM IF YOU ARGUE) SABOTAGE AND REVENGE - This is a sign of a terrible narcissist. We all should know what these terms mean, but watch out because their sabotages can be passive aggressive. (WATCH OUT WATCH OUT WATCH OUT, THIS PERSON HAS DONE WORSE THAN ANY OF THE OTHER TERMS ABOVE) TRIANGULATION - When someone is constantly talking behind someone's back and saying this that are not true. (WATCH OUT WATCH OUT WATCH OUT, THIS IS ANOTHER ONE ON PAR WITH REVENGE, BECAUSE THEY'RE SPREADING UNTRUE INFORMATION ABOUT YOU TO PEOPLE YOU KNOW, ITS A WAY TO ISOLATE YOU) MOST COMMON SIGN (AS IT WILL OFTEN BE SUBTLE): They speak untrue bias behind others' backs. BAITING - Someone trying to make you mad and trying to lure you into an argument. (WATCH OUT WATCH OUT, THE SIGNS CAN BE VERY SUBTLE, THEY'LL GET FAR MADDER THAN YOU ARE IF YOU COMMUNICATE WITH THEIR BAIT, THEY'RE ALSO SEEKING YOUR REACTION) Trauma Bonding - Watch one of the experts' videos, explaining this is hard EDIT: Adding new words I didn't have down before / Fixing errors 10/18/2021 - Added Ghosting and Projection 5/5/23 - Added Triangulation, Baiting and Sabotage/Revenge - Signs of BAD BAD BAD narcissists. Also, thanks for the likes everyone. 😊

I’m the only one at work doing my job. I’m carrying the weight of the whole building while everyone else gets the credit. I don’t gossip, one up. I’m just a lot older than the rest. I’m honest, loyal and kind. I try to stay in my own space and now I’m noticing my boss is taking about everyone behind their back. Things are out of control. I can’t even reach out to our district manager because she is always on the guys side. Fed up but need the work. At least they pay good but not sure the extra money is worth me being exhausted.

Lack of communication is never a way to solve issues.

It’s your heart attack! Behavioural intelligence: 4 quadrants: Explain existing behaviors Predict future behaviors Influence other people’s behaviors Control our own behaviors How do we explain behaviors? Why did someone behave like that? Is it intrinsic? Ask ?’s Why Predict: reduces uncertainty and anxiety Influencing: inclusive language; togetherness. Reward and recognition. Control low road: deep breath..O2; count to 10...take Separate the person from the behaviour

We are living in a world where people blame others for their own transgressions

No one is worth me getting a heart attack 👍 thank you 😇🌷

'seperate out the person from his or her behavior' not easy but worth trying. thank you!

There are jealous freaks, fragile egos, self proclaimed sweet hypocrites, toxic people, stubborn egos and stereotypical ones. Being an empath for such people and trying to believe that they are the way they are because of a reason only supresses your frustration on top of all the negativity seeping in you..........no point in putting up with such people

When I started using "we" instead of "you" when having a deep conversation with my ex, the response I got was still the same. That's part of why we're not together. No matter how I approached a conversation, his defense response always prevented him from hearing what I was really saying. He was also a thief, liar, and "master manipulator" and had no regret. He claimed he did but he never changed his actions or patterns to be a better person.

Good choice of words. I noticed the speaker said, "We're getting a little passionate." As opposed to, "We're getting angry/heated/upset."

this made me realize that the way I have dealt with a particular difficult co-worker was probably not the best way to go about it. I'm someone who is very personable and gets along with people easily, so when a difficult person came into my workplace, I didnt know how to handle them because I've never been faced with this issue. ill be leaving my current workplace as I got an offer from a better job, but now ill go into this new environment with a different mindset. I don't need to let people give me heartache, its not good for my complexion!

In other words: « Be excellent to each other! » Bill and Ted.

"Because it's your heart attack" , point made.

Being told NO throughout growing up, finally using it now has been the best thing ever in my life!

That was pretty good. I’m dealing with difficult people in the workplace and it’s a challenge. He said you can’t change peoples behavior and I’ve heard that and although I agree I also think that on some level if for instance someone is constantly putting you down or berating you and being rude to you, you standing up for yourself can be the difference between them continuing to do it or them stopping. Bullies only respond to strength. I know a lot of this was in the workplace but I think it can be applied to any situation really. Sometimes reasoning with someone might not work.

This approach is predicated on the idea that everyone is able to relate to others on an equal plane. In most workplaces, there is a distinct hierarchy. Minions do not get to choose to deal as equals with bosses or higher-ups on the pecking order. And what of pernicious gossips, what are the benign interpretations of their behaviour? He is assuming good intentions where in fact they often do not exist.

Dealing with difficult coworkers is one thing, when it’s a boss that can be toxic!

God is our resource....bible the book of correction and guidance.... the glory belongs to God ....

💯@ 12:40 ”Everything is okay, look at how we’re breathing! Look at how we’re managing ourself!”

I feel as I used to be a more difficult, angry impatient person due to external stresses. It wasn't fair on my family and work colleagues. Thank God I recognised the problem. The important point I took from this is "it's my heart attack" I'm happier, my family are happier and I think I relate to people much better.

Humans are fractious by nature. Don't be wide open , and end discussions that are deteriorating, avoid that person for as long as possible. If it is work related they will get even and your opportunities will be limited. At that point, start looking for another job and learn from any mistakes you might have made to contribute to the problem. If it is family, learn to get along but in small doses.

I struggle with rude customers the most, their anger and rudeness makes me feel like it makes me feel like I'm bad at my job and my anxiety therefore makes me feel worthless. It's frustrating. But I enjoyed this Ted Talk!

People who disliked, probably don't understand how effective this conversation is!

I love this. My whole life, people have been insulting me and offending me and hurting my feelings with their words. Most of the time, I never said anything back because their words shook me so much. Other times, I’d stoop to their level, and I’d take it out on others.

Don't deal with them....why waste your precious time. Mental cases do not deserve my time and will not get my time!

Such a beautiful concept. I can only control my thoughts and actions. I will not waste my previous time, energy, and health controlling others and reading in between the lines.

This guy is on point and giving some good knowledge. Most difficult people have some type of proximity to perceived power and they leverage it in their favor. Too bad people that lack morals are positioned like this.

I’ve tried using this idea of complimenting a coworker I didn’t like for getting a promotion and we ended up being good friends after that.

This puts a whole new perspective on the way I think about others actions and my reactions. I can't change people but I can change the way I think and feel. And also asking questions is another good point, very well said!

I really like the speaker... worrying about my heart attack.

This man is saving lives.

i choose to be around positive people or environments that are value me because I only have one life so, therefore, my value will be worth else where.....

This is so true! Becoming a master of self, emotion, and reaction is key to enjoying life fully and being in control. If you do learn these skills be careful of working for people who are too controlling or authoritative because you will clash until your unhappy. People who hold grudges are the worst and definitalty prevent you from remaining your "healed self". So yes remember it's your heart attack so learn to forgive yourself, others, and find an environment where you can thrive in. Remember you control where you choose to be and there is another profession, industry, or setting where things are completely different.

Recently I was working with a difficult person and when I was ready to make amends and move forward. New software came into play for the business and when i offered to help the person to set me up. It was denied and I was left going to work doing nothing. I then realized why am I here, maybe this is a sign to get out. Things will not change! When I gave my two weeks notice that day, that day I was sent an email stating I was being let go of. So right choice made but a lesson was learned there and it relates to this video. God Bless us all 🥰😇

What I learn: do not enage with their threat/anger/attitute... Keep yourself neutral or get out the situation. And other thing is just don't judge. Anyone coming angry, intimidating, threathening... just have fears and the need to be in control. But you are not under their control, so just be calm and gentle. Or not, just get out if things get heated.

Well, I agree with those that commented about narcissists but, on to of that I got a great answer from this :"because it is my heart attack". This will help me a lot. Thanks.

I came here just to learn to speak English. But I learned a lot from here, not just English.

Not a difficult person but a difficult situation, I 100% agree on his points but they are all solutions to misunderstanding between non difficult people. Difficult people are those who when spoken to exactly the way he described, instead of changing their attitude they instead become defensive. Instead of calming down along with you they talk over you, not giving space for you to calm down or even think. Those are difficult people, people who refuse to listen to reason and logic and trying to deal with those types of people will only lead to chaos. So far my best solution for that has been to exit the premise in order to save my own sanity. Really was hoping to get some new or even better solution. Oh well next video.

Thanks for the talk, I agree 100% that conflict in the workplace is costly.

Your Heart Attack... Exactly... And yet people won't care about you, instead they'll throw you under and find someone else. It's very frustrating when you're the one working and grinding and gritting your teeth all day and theres no thank you, or no acknowledgements at the end of the night.

Your speech was one of the most brilliant I have ever listened to. It caught my attention from beginning to end. That's how to deliver a speech! I love the way you Americans organize your speeches. Greetings from Italy ❤

I learn only in the later life to focus on myself throughout my working experience of working with difficult people at work. I used to get really stressed out and express my annoyance and irritation working with difficult people. Now I still get annoyed but take a deep breath and tell myself focus on myself. Everyone works differently they don’t have to be what and how I wanted to be. If I don’t like it I will change it myself rather than asking them to change.

The best way to deal with it: -If they are so set on there own views then remove yourself -Respond as formally as possible and be proud of yourself as there are probably other people out there just like you (aka: don’t let a single person(s) thought differ from yourself -Review you self normally and from the conversation (really think about you and your influences) -Show forms of care for the situation as more tension from the type of person wont lead to no better resolve -(optional) try to attempt to understand there view on the situation (may flop based on sererity) -Be proud of yourself mentally, and physically, emotionally and socially. From here you have to figure out where you plan on going with yourself as every situation is different. Complexity differs, and situations can be very vast. One of those things you have to learn on your own or with help from someone who is willing to listen if possible. Stay true to yourself 👍 not everyone is perfect but you can trive for greatness. Spread the word.

Heart attack beautifully explained and to the point 👍🏻It’s after all your life which matters, and someone’s behaviour should not make you suffer

This is great. I had been searching for strategies and tactics I could use to rebuke pointless interactions and this video just pointed out an even better perspective to have when engaging those reactive dramatic personality types that (use to) anger me and infiltrated different parts of my life.

This Man has Prevented Alot of In Voluntary Facial Reconstructions

A great discussion and super relevant for me the hospitality industry! Loved it all!

Love this TED talk!

i love how you said this about not putting blame other people. it's not always easy though dealing with difficult people. I rather not deal with toxic behaviors especially at work. I like when my job allows us to express our concerns so it didn't affect how we felt during our job performance. always important in working together in a company

Respect to this speaker and to the sensible folks in this thread. Glad to know you all are out there. Peace.

I appreciate you for discussing such a gripping topic and admitting that you used to be a difficult person as well. It's a great treasure to be able to connect with others as a real friend and all problems solve with the clear head. Wow, it was so amazing to hear that situation, when both colleagues have problems in relationship as one was asking right questions, but other was bad listener. There was the main reason for the quarrels and misunderstanding between them. We all has strong bias and couples have the same problem which can lead into the divorce. So, the best way to deal with it, to overcome the problem and to find the ability to be successful

Thank you for your talk. I will use inclusive language when talking to a difficult person to avoid escalating an argument. I can totally put this to practice👍💕

"It's your heart attack" I love this man

Very true... Thank you for enlightening us/educating us on what really matters. It is our own health and well being.

Outstanding presentation. We live in world where most people don't do self reflection to become better so their behavior impacts us.

Love this talk! Thanks for posting.

The talk is awesome & the various comments are outstanding. Appreciating all of the practical tips!

I agree with Jay Johnson that only by improving our behavior will we be able to cope with the conflict and that can occur in dealing with difficult people. Jay is a professional in his field and this confirms his countless awards. Unfortunately, office sociopaths, who daily cover the gas, rarely get reprimands. Everyone else in the office is convinced that they are great and that you are a problem. The best solution is to remove yourself from this environment.

Very helpful, thank you. I will be putting it into practice in my daily life.

I left a 👍, but really, a talk like this should include forgiveness.

Thank you for this one. Great message from a well spoken presenter.

Veil lifted .. deeper realisations .. brilliant presenter . Thank you to the source .

Iam astonished with this guy! Everytjing is relatable! I loved listening to his speech

"Explaining behaviours helps predict behaviours"