You are not alone. Be gentle on yourself too.

Staying calm when feeling very angry is so hard. But its a learning progress for all over our lives... I try to remember myself in these moments to take a moment for myself , and reminding myself that feeling angry and behaving angry are 2 different things. We can be angry, and its ok. But we shouldnt act according to it. Taking a time to breathe or maybe drinking some water. Whatever helps to cool down :) You can even say it to your child “ im feeling angry right now, and need some time to calm down” Its even a great lesson and example for them on dealing with emotions :)

Sounds tough, I'm not a teacher but a parent, for situations like hers as far as her being mean rude and disrespectful I'd go hard on discipline and consequences, she no longer gets her favorite treats and snacks when she has misbehaved. You must talk firmly and be emotionally controlled, when we maintain our composure children are more likely to listen to us because we are in control of ourselfs and they are able to trust us. Definetly do not allow her to get away with being disrespectful immediately interrupted her get down to her eye level and explain her behavior is unacceptable, you must be strong and be the leader.

I'm not Sarah or a Waldorf teacher, but maybe all the adults consistently let her know that that behavior is wrong and not appropriate? You all know the situation in detail. Let there be firmness and repetition in communicating with her that it is wrong and some type of discipline that aims to be fitting but the most gentle and merciful. It may be a little harder now that she is 5 because I've heard and read something about establishing socialization before age of 4....but of course shouldn't deter you at all. It is the adult/parent's responsibility to socialize the toddler to be pleasant and agreeable and polite. You want other children to look forward to playing with her. You would want other adults to genuinely smile at her presense in public. Don't let your children do anything that would make you resent them....seems to be sound advice.

Maybe a type of marble jar specifically for this problem.....or a large jar of pretty little things or sticker jar. Something with the same/similar item. Every time she says or does something cruel one thing gets taken out of the jar. Use some other separate system and object to reward for good behavior so she can see the marbles disappear when she keeps misbehaving towards the stepdad when she truly is wrong and unkind. Once she consistently displays good genuine behavior towards step dad (for at least a week? I don't know) then place all the marbles back in the jar. But yes, maybe a specific jar if this is her main behavioral issue. Good luck and God bless

Being a stepmum myself I would say that reprimanding the child for this will probably fuel her anxiety and fear and make things worse. I think you need to ask yourself what has changed in the family dynamic that has made her react like this and how you can make her feel safe and loved. There are some really helpful books about blended families and even some for children which you can read with your grandaughter. Mum and Stepdad also need to be extra kind to this child. Punishment or rewards will not change the way she feels or the underlying issue. Good luck.

I was wondering if it is possible this child may be immitating behavior she has seen or heard. I have observed sometimes children exhibit behavior that they found hurtful as a release of the pain they feel inside, sort of giving their pain to someone else. Perhaps this child does not feel accepted by this stepfather, possibly because he has his own child and she doesn't know how she fits into his affections, perhaps she is rejecting him before he can reject her. -a subconscious self preservation reaction. I'm afraid responding negatively to her negative behavior will just make her feel more alienated and less loved by all. Maybe what she really needs is tender moments with those she loves to show her she is not being replaced in their hearts by another child or even the stepfather. I also wonder if in all the excitement and the efforts to make the new family members feel welcome, the child may have felt forgotten. Lots of possibilities depending on the circumstances, but in any case punishing the child for feeling anger or pain and expressing those feelings will only deepen those feelings and worsen the problem. Intimidating and threatening a child's well-being by taking away the things she enjoys will only make her feel like her fears of being less important and less loved are validated. Good luck, in an case, it sounds like you have your work cut out for you.

Maybe instead of saying no, let her choose a few toys during the intervals of your day. If she knows she can choose a new set of toys say, after breakfast, after snack time, after lunch, after dinner and trade in what she has. Maybe this rhythm will help her feel secure that she can play with whatever she wants to throughout the day, and keep the mess manageable at the same time. Maybe you can say," We will play with 'the toys she has' until snack time and then we will choose some new toys." Also maybe she needs some help in her selection so she can cover a variety of play, maybe she chooses a doll, and a blanket. You could include ten various blocks and a toy animal in case a new idea should take form and she needs different materials. I don't know what you are already doing, but I hope this will give you a spring board for some ideas. Good luck!

Not using the word “no”, doesnt mean the child should have everything what they ask for. But offering them something else. Maybe like: showing the toys and telling that these are the toys that can be played with now. Maybe she needs some toy rotation though? Or practicing playing on her own?

Are you kidding me? I don’t think you listened very well. She never said the child didn’t want to be held. Of course she didn’t restrain the child or hold her against her will!