Which one of the 3 are you going to commit to doing more starting now?

every time I try to set boundaries I make a life long enemy.

I notice a lot of bully's get more respect than nice honest people

"It's not their job to set your boundaries for you--it's your job to set them if you want them to be respected." Absolutely true. Too often, we inadvertently let other people decide for us, rather than us deciding for ourselves. Great content as always, Julia!

I don’t think cutting people off is a bad thing. I think sometimes it’s necessary. Avoiding toxic people or behaviors is necessary to just avoid. We can make ourselves better and love ourselves first. Sometimes we can’t help others that can’t help themselves.

The worst is family.Nobody else trys that crap.My way of dealing with it is to not see them as much. I keep them at a distance.......

Couldn't agree more. If you're not happy in a situation then change it. Take control of your own life. Don't allow yourself to be at the mercy of someone else. I recently ended a long distance 'romantic' friendship with a girl because I felt I was getting a lot of mixed signals and strange behaviour on her behalf. It was just emotionally draining. Sometimes you can put up with such behaviour from people for months without even realizing it. It's very natural to make excuses for people whom we like. But eventually you wake up and smell the coffee and take action.

I am very nice and good to people, and I can tolerate a ton, yet in the end, if the person is not deserving of my niceness, then I have no qualms cutting him/her off.

I wasn't raised in this country but since I arrived here I noticed people love to just manipulate other people or take advantage regardless how the other person feels, they feel superior because of their financial status or position they're in or because they know more about life they're heartless

Set boundaries stand up yourself. Self respect Know your worth, value. Express yourself people. Speak up say no to things. Stay postive be happy. Be confident enough.

I don't agree that people take a cue from the person they are ill-treating. There is a moral responsibility for each person to treat others with respect. It is a lack of ethics on the part of the bully which is actually what is occurring - bullying behaviour or taking advantage of someone whom they perceive to be weaker than themselves in some way.

I work in the service industry, and this is so valuable in every moment. Servers learn to accept abuse, and are used to walking on eggshells and participating in uncomfortable exchanges. It needs to change!

Human boundaries are all roughly the same. We shouldn't even have to set them. If you're forced to, it's already over

I’ve had to cut a few people out of my life. Particularly those who always made false promises, or wanted me to do stuff for them all the time. I think also when you have chronic illness it’s easier to say no.

Thanks for this. I met my boyfriend's flatmate for the first time, and she was so rude (even before we introduced each other) I recognised by her deameanor and tone, and disrespect, that she was going to be a problem. I stood my ground and walked away. I actually made it clear that I will keep out of her way and have nothing to do with her. I think she was surprised. Fortunately I don't have to speak to her at all She tried to make me feel bad. She is a childminder and treats adults like naughty kids. I have confidence enough to accept not everyone likes everyone and if the feeling is mutual then it is clear for both of us.

Sometimes the people who don't respect boundaries, are elderly relative's, like mother's, and you feel you have to put up with it as to not lack in respect for your elders

I do t want to be talked into doing anything that I don't want to do. I had an elderly lady trying to get me to go to a particular church. I told her I don't want to go there at this time and she kept on. it was all her agenda. I didn't appreciate it at all. I had to keep repeating myself. then, this same person knows that I don't want phone calls after ten PM. But, then she will call at 9:55 PM and say......it's not ten PM yet. She knew that five minutes before ten is pushing it. This is all crazy behavior and I may cut her off!

I love this advise..I realized that I needed to put distance between a friend and myself..it was such a hurtful relationship. This is confirmation that I am doing the right thing..thank you.

It's about ourselves, always. We can't control what other people do. Some people can be quite dominant, manipulative and controlling and tend to gravitate towards nice, sweet, easy going people like myself. I think it comes back to our emotional needs not being met as a child, always, trying not to make a fuss and be the good child. By deciding to start dating and looking for a serious relationship, more and more I am seeing what I need to work on, on myself and it pretty much keeps coming back to the fact that it comes down to emotional availability, being open, honest and direct with people, so they know where they stand with you and setting boundary's to show them how to treat you :) work in progress ;)

One I'm doing right now is say my needs first thing. Right after the right greeting I go straight to saying what I need from the person in front of me. Needs are what make us feel like a person and not an object.

Stop worrying about people.Don't care just do you express you you are unique with a purpose and eagles fly alone .You love you and everything else will fall in place.

I love your advice and videos! I’m learning to say no without feeling the need to explain why I can’t do something. I think many of us women don’t want to hurt feelings and always feel the need to explain. Society tells women they have to be “nice” and not be a b--. I’m truly learning it’s ok to say no and it’s very ‘freeing”

I've watched several of your videos and they have been helpful or inspiring should I say. I really feel your energy through your voice. Your tone is like this raw, powerful, light with a heavy node. You seem to poor out the vibe that if you want to play nice I'd love too, but ill ninja your mind if your not nice. lol. I think your great, thank you!

I did the say "no" only last night to my now ex, it didn't go down too well, I was getting fed up of the goal posts being constantly changed so made a stand, for once. No regrets. Great video, thank you.

The third one really resonates with me. I want to respect my own boundaries. Thanks so much Julia.

I used to be very nice to my new neighbours although i dont know them well , i found them think i am weak and they can treat me in rude way , so i just set the boundries and show them they are not allowed to treat me this way.

Learning how to say... "thanks but not thanks" That's very powerful :)

Boundaries are highly important! Some people do not understand the concept. This is something that one has to be upfront and consistent with those that would violate them.

Establishing boundaries for other people is essential: many people are not capable of situational or individual analysis but are puppies with little ken and they must search your face for clues to how to interact. I have always found that, at the first appearance of a problem, it is important to establish your inviolate self, delay will only confuse the situation. Be prepared to find some negative feedback (who does he think he is?) and be strong. Above all else, be kind and remember the golden rule.

I’m a yes person trying to learn to say no. Recently a friend was coming to spend the night in order to attend an event. Then her friend called me to ask if “my inn was open” because she wanted to come and stay too. I said yes ok bla bla bla but was upset. Later I texted her that it just was not going to work because I’ll get stressed out. As it is both of these friends show up empty handed after I have spent money for groceries for them, (which I can barely afford) cleaned and gotten their rooms ready, give them my bathroom and remove my things out of it and then they don’t lift a finger to help cook or clean up but just expect to be waited on.

Thank you, I just realized my friend was putting boundaries and I did not know. I need to pay attention to those small details.

If someone has no respect for themselves they simply can't respect others fully, it's universally impossible. So if you want people to respect you only hang around people with high vibration and high self-esteem. Lower self-esteem will never respect anyone because they simply don't have respect for themselves.

People need to understand why they find it difficult to say NO. And that's because they don't think they are good enough and yet they are. We are enough. You are enough. You matter.

So glad i came across this channel! OMG! My new fav channel! Thank you so much for sharing your gift!

The only person who can respect you... is yourself... you always.. always have this right. Nobody can have this power over you to disrespect you, you and only you allow to give that person and opening to disrespect you, you give them the control over you. When the other person shows you disrespect... you MUST make a decision immediately on the spot... straightaway...don't let it go for another time, react back to them and tell them that, call the mup This lady explains how WE allow people to do this to us.

Julia, thank you so much! Awesome videos and I love the quality! you are amazing!

This is the first video of yours that I've watched, thank you for sharing that.

you inspire me. I want to be a life coach just like you. im liking all your videos because you have helped me deeply. don't quit your channel anytime soon lol. your a life saver

Love your videos, shared this one with all my facebook groups, "U DA BOMB, GURL!"

thanks Julia..sometimes i find myself really having a hard time reconciling people and things...this is very helpful without having to compromise relationships.

Thank you! I love to see you talk..you have great nuances of expression, passion and clarity. The black and white video does wonders for your complexion by the way (!) and enhances the wonderful sharpness of your natural beauty. Your videos have helped me a lot, so thank you thank you. You're great : )

The idea that stood out the most to me was that most people look to us to decide how to treat us. Why? Why cannot we decide for ourselves how to treat others... because that is the kind of person we are...how we want to be in the world. Could we see each other as being worthy of respect no matter what? If you need a justification...think about how strong and creative you had to be to be born into this life. All of us deserve respect just for being here. Or think of how we are all part of God, the Universe. Why would you disrespect part of God? Nelson Mandela said be the change you want to see in the world. We are all much more than what appears on the surface. That is just the beginning. Look deeper and you will see yourself and also the face of God. We are all connected. WE are all one.

Love this lady's wisdom, great video. Keep up the awesome work 😎

This is great advice. A real must to follow by me! Thank you Julia.

I started to have a friendship with a man he gets angry then says he’s joking and he also went on about a woman who was the prettiest woman he’s ever had a relationship with I get the feeling this man is not interested in me at all I’m going to tell him we’ll be friends only

I’m new to your videos and boy am I glad I found you, Maybe this can help me start to get past the BS I’ve been put thru, the emotional abuse , the gas lighting from a career narcissist, I feel like I’m in the twilight zone, I mean I’m literally seconding guessing everything I do,see AND hear ..... Plus it’s done number on my self esteem and now I’m dealing with severe social anxiety .. Honestly I feel like I have lost my damn mind and have become a borderline recluse bcuz I don’t trust anyone or anything..... H.E.L.P Idk whether to laugh or cry ...

Very accurate. Thank you so much. I need this. 💐💖👍

Thanx julia yr videos r so helpful. When u r suffering from depression n stress it's hard to takd care of yr self or to take care of yr children. This makes it so easy for people to disrespect u as some of my family hav done. Although they say they understand but they don't. Also feeling the way I do I find it hard to be assertive n stand my ground. I haven't been able to work n hav to rely in my family for money i hav to put up with a lot of digs abt money. Thank you again

Great great video!!! I desperately needed to hear this!

LOVE your videos! Thank you!!

Soo needed this thanks!🙌

Thanks Julia!

I am glad I discover you - your video is beautiful - so clear (I mean the lightning and recording)......And the comments on your channels are worth it as well. Your name is beautiful too.

Best video ever. Couldn't come at a better time. 😁

Great advice! Thank you.

Thank you for this video! Has helped me sooo much. 🙏

Thank you 🙏 Julia I love ❤️ all your videos is a lot of help thank you to be the person you are GOD BLESS YOU

Timely for me and helpful. Thank You.

Thank you thank you thank you!

Just discovered your channel - really enjoy your advice and your videos. You're very helpful and your advice helps me put things into perspective and sort thru the crap at work. Thanks again.

1. Notice if you're giving into influence or peer pressure, and don't. 2. If someone doest respect your needs or boundaries, distance yourself from.

Wow, very happy I found your channel. Much great advice. It seems such common sense but as the saying goes, common sense is not all that common sometimes. I subscribed. 👍

Thank you. I geuss I forgot some if that,changed It today!!

As a 23 yr old British born,ethnic Indian female, living alone, still trying to get an education and get into regular paid employment, living an honest life, and basically forever trying to compensate,fix,heal everything, I'm really struggling, in fact suffering badly.

Thanks, if I got you loud and clear;Respect other people before they respect you and walk out of the situation which is not comfortable to you.Mabor; from South Sudan

Great advice, it all starts with self-respect! Then the rest follows.

I watched several videos on this subject and enjoyed this one best.

Healthy people dont need all of these boundaries.....they already know how to treat people with respect.!!!

One more sub. Amazing job!

I am a different person today. I won't give them a second chance. That's it. Even if don't like them, we still need to respect them in public, respect their age and respect their position in front of others. And then, minimise the interaction with them to show that you don't like them and can't agree with them.

You are awesome. Thank you.

Hello Julia every day I listen to you videos and you are really fantastic thank you

Respect yourself. Learn to say no. Remove yourself from uncomfortable conversations.

I am learning to trust my gut, and can say no to my siblings. Also, I can excuse myself from a situation that is going south.

I am so glad I found you!!!!

I was in a situation of being intimidated by this woman's voice tone when I walked away from her because she was my ex manager, I had to listen to her if she's get mad she's yell so loud, it was scaredy, my feelings got hurt, it led me to be around good people.

So true totally agree:-) great info

Seeing about 3 or 4 of your videos it is clear you have very high energy. As beautiful as that can be I found it hard to ingest, so had to takes breaks every 20 - 30 seconds. This video is much calmer and easier to ingest in one go. It is therefore also easier to digest the information. I left a reply saying secure people don''t overdo the shiny happy puppies to a reply on one of your other videos. Sorry - I was just so overwhelmed by your energy and was so frustrated as I was unable to ingest what I wanted.

Thanks so much! I'm going to listen to this over and over until I make sense of this properly. I keep letting people walk all over me.

Notice when ppl talk us into things we don’t want to do.. if we don’t respect our own preferences others won’t.. not their job to set boundaries for u. 2. U don’t have to stay in any conversation or situation that u don’t want 3 if u set a boundary and they don’t.. but my needs are important as anyone else. If they won’t want to respect my needs that you need to take some space.

Thank you.

Great advice that will definitely help, however, the number one trait that will affect how much respect you are given, is your appearance. People who are considered "attractive" (ie. men who are tall and handsome & women who are slim and attractive) will automatically be given more respect. Humans are very shallow in that regard, sad but true. The positive side to this is that if you are aware of this tendency, hopefully you will treat people fairly, giving respect to those that truly deserve it.

I started to watch your videos because of your clear english pronunciation, but friend, lots of interesting thoughts to meditate of. Congratulations for the channel, and greetings from Catalonia.

Thank you 🙏🏾

Hi Julia, this is my first time tunning in to your video. I wanted to start off saying I love you for being here. Yes, you are right on the dot. I am 48 years old and I am barely seeing and recognizing that I am and have been surrounded by people who have taken advantage of me. Now that I am dealing with my soon to be ex who has covert narcissist traits and I have been educating myself for about a year, I still find myself second guessing myself, confused, all that you mentioned on your 9 signs of gaslight. Now that I am learning to say no or putting boundaries, people are slowly but surely try to stay away from me. I just realized, even my own family took advantage from me. I always had to be a responsible one, I had to be a mediator, I had to jump into solve the problems... and so on. Not realizing this couple of years ago and go against my wanting to help out due to my own situation, one of my brothers and I are almost enemies. He discarded me. It is so hard to find a therapist who gets it. I have gone thru few therapists recently because I felt they didn't really what's going on with me. Is it because they are not in a position to be straight out and tell me YES you are living with someone with traits of covert narcissist? I don't know but I am still struggling to find someone I can see with deep knowledge of narcissism and all that relating facts and matters. I finally finally decided that I am going to get a divorce. Been abused for last 17 years and I can't do this to myself nor my kids. I am still learning about all that relates to all these abuse I have gone through. O gosh, there are just toooooo much to learn and gain knowledge of all these abuse. Parent alienation is one of the maaaaaaany that I am learning. I didn't know why I am so isolated and walking on egg shells around my kids too. Kids are so affected and now we are temporarily separated. Kids have been taken to the in-laws for couple of weeks. DCFS and police are involved and out lives are just a mess. But, I am going forward with the divorce. I don't even know how the outcome is going to be. it's very scary and I am scared. But, after I tried my best with everything I got, I am just realizing that I can't control others and that includes kids. And this is just sad and I am just so broken inside. But all these, there really is no hard evidence to prove because most of people just don't seem to get it. I am still looking for that "one" who can help me through all these; therapist and attorney. I have been a homemaker for last 13 years, and recently in school full time. I was able to find a probono attorney and I hope that he can really help me. Sorry for this SA. All and all, I just wanted to say I say you for being alive and providing me /us with your true heart.

Me: *sets boundaries* People: *ignore boundaries*

Very helpfullll. Thank you!!!

Courage is the key.

Im on a sabbatical from my sisters, very passive aggressive stuff. Healing, thank you for this great reminder.

Thanks for this!

Wow! That medicine was bitter. But I feel better already.

How does removing ourselves from a situation by saying "I need to get going" or "I have to excuse myself right now" garner respect vs. saying straight up, I don't like that you're talking/asking me this. I feel like those are just excuses to deflect and ignore and makes others feel like you're hiding something and doesn't send a clear message. However, I do have to say, when I do voice my opinion about my dislike for a conversation or situation, it always backfires and people end up getting offended and then ignore me instead. I'm not sure what would be the best approach to say what you need to say clearly but garner respect.

My favorite method to deal with @4:00 is to just walk away in silence and not answer any more questions. That really leaves them in a fog. I love to do this whenever someone starts to disrespect me, or disrespect my ideas. Why do I do this? Because people who habitually disrespect others will never be friends of mine. Peace.

on point!

I love this content!

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so scared of abandonment or feeling lonely. This is the only reason I've been taking crap from people for so many years and not asserting my boundaries....Now I am so mentally and emotionally exhausted that I just push anybody and everybody away....and now I am willingly isolating myself. Also, I come from an enmeshed Indian family where the word 'boundaries' is alien to everyone, so I didn't even know we were allowed to do so until much later.

These are awesome videos

I’m always in a situation where I’m too scared to say “no” due to worrying about how people might feel. Whenever I have people trying to force me into doing things that I’m not comfortable with, I feel myself getting all hot and bothered that I stay silent and keep it all inside me and when it really gets to me later on, I find myself letting out my frustration by complaining about it to someone who I’m open to face to face or via text message in order to feel a lot better.

But dysfunctional people I care about don't want to respect my boundries... And i have found my voice and others, even therapists, can't handle my assettiveness.... I don't get it. People Like me vunerable. I try to release toxic energies, but I miss the good parts. But one cracked, its never the same anyway....

You have a soothing voice.