My boyfriend has severe ADHD and anxiety. I struggle to find ways to help him when he’s going through a sensory overload / anxiety attack. What I’m trying to work through is making him feel comfortable to tell me how he’s really feeling. He often just tells me he’s okay, or that he’ll manage and he’ll be okay, even though I can tell he’s not and the anxiety attack is still happening. He worries about telling me because he doesn’t want me to worry about him, and doesn’t want to stress me out. I want to be there for him. And I tell him all the time that I am here for him, that I will listen and be his support whenever he needs. I think he’s starting to get a little more comfortable telling me. But it’s still a process I’m trying to understand more. He doesn’t necessarily like to be touched / hugged during these attacks. Which is difficult for me to understand because when I go through panic attacks that’s what helps me the most. When he’s going through them he will rapidly move his hands and sometimes repeatedly hit/tap a surface like a desk or a wall or his hands together, paired with bobbing his head back and forth. This is the first sign I can tell he has an anxiety attacking coming on. Loud noises like a blender or airplanes also sometimes endure his attacks. I try to get him to talk to me about random things like how his day has been, and describe to me some of his favorite activities or hobbies. Like snorkeling, I’ll ask him what kind of different fish he’s seen while he was out there. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like anything I say helps him though and I sometimes feel like I could be a reason he’s going through an attack. It’s hard to ask him what he needs because he doesn’t know what he needs. He used to be on medications as a teenager, his parents had him on way to high of a dosage and this has scared him away from ever using medications again because it made him feel like a robot, didn’t have any emotions, is what he tells me. He wasn’t able to sleep while on them, and he lost a lot of weight. I don’t blame him for not wanting to use medications again, but he’s beginning to feel like the attacks are coming on more frequently and getting worse. He’s scared one day they’ll be too much for me to handle and I won’t want to be with him. I try to reassure him that I’ll always be there for him no matter what, but i think he has a hard time trusting that response. I want to try the 5-4-3-2-1 method you mentioned in this video next time it happens and see if it helps at all, I feel like it could be really beneficial. I also ordered some fidget toys for him to try to use instead of hitting objects or his hands together. I think that might help. As someone who just wants to help, feeling like I’m unable to help him makes me feel useless and uncaring. It’s so hard to be okay with knowing that doing nothing or saying nothing sometimes is actually more helpful than saying or doing something. This is a new experience / journey for me. And I want to try to learn as much about his conditions as possible so I can be a better support system for him when he needs it. I appreciate your video!

just gonna leve this here: 1 hug goes a long way

My mom has anxiety and panic attacks and I feel like I don't know what to do most of the time. This was helpful!

I've had more panic attacks that I've hot dinners, so this vid gets my seal of approval

One interesting counter-note: when my wife feels overwhelmed by anxiety, she actually *hates* being asked "What do you need?" Instead, she just wants to be held and told, "I'm here with you." I suspect there's a clear reason for this: in general in life, she's already keenly aware of what she needs in every situation, and trusts herself to articulate it. In moments of anxiety, she just wants to feel like she doesn't have to think or articulate anything, but rather just wants to be 100% taken care of. She will articulate if she needs something different. In a way though, this is also a form of answering the question, "What do they need?" but just by knowing the person ahead of time :)

Since my one and only big brother died… my mom is having panic attacks at night and i want to help her with it

I know I need reassurance. I need to know its going to be okay and that this (feeling, moment, situation) will pass. To also hear someone say 'It must be terrible to go through this' really does help. It makes me feel heard and understood. It doesnt solve issues but it builds a connection between the anxious person and the supporter. I dont feel as alone. Its daunting to be in my own mind right now, and when I get stressed or frantic its sooo good to feel understood, beacuse often I don't feel like myself and that aids to the spiralling. Be a rock for your loved one. Let them anchor onto you for this bit of time until the panic or anxious feelings pass xxxx

My friend had a panic attack or anxiety attack today at school and I didn't know what to do and just tried to ask what was wrong and listen to what they were saying. So I wanted to learn what I should do when that happens and this helped a lot thank you:)

Such amazing advice on how to help someone who's having an anxiety or panic attack! Thanks for sharing Reuben!

My sister’s anxiety has been really acting up lately. Sometimes She won’t talk to people, hug people or try to express it with anyone. I don’t know what has been going on with her, but I know she’s not ok. this video was very helpful though!!

This is such a helpful video when trying to help someone with depression or anxiety.Asking them what happened is a brilliant question because of course for every effect there is a cause. So in a lot of cases it will get to the root of the problem I would think .Well done

This is such an incredible video, I am shocked it doesn't have more views. Showing this to my partner tonight! It's so hard to explain what to do & what not to do when you're in the middle of an anxiety spiral or panic attack. Thank you so much!

Someone who gets it. Thank you.

Thanks man. This was something I really wanted to learn because there is someone who I care about and I want to have this knowledge for.

His little acknowledgment at the end 😭 thank you so much for the whole video!

Excellent video. So many practical good tips and advice. Sometimes one simply doesn't know how to help those they care about who are experiencing acute challenging symptoms. Well done!

Very helpful, I wanted to help out my friend that's going through a lot, Thanks!

Thank you for this. What you do is very important. I have a new friend who struggles with anxiety and panic attacks, and I want to be able to help them as much as I can because I’ve never done this before. This helped a lot!

Yesterday I had a panic attack due to my anxiety. It was horrible. 😢it feels real

Over the past week I've had three panic attacks and I'm trying to get information so that if I have one at school and can get ahold of one of my friends they can come help me. All of mine this week have been mostly at home, but they start with this feeling of something bad and next thing I know I'm crying and trying to work through it

I wasn’t expecting that “big ups" 😢😭

thank you! My friend is going through really bad anxiety lately and I hope I can help a bit

My partner takes it personal when I’m having a panic attack he thinks Im not happy with him then gets mad at me while I’m having one.

Amazing session brother ❤

Thank you so much Reuben. I found this so helpful and I've subscribed :) Blessings from New Zealand :)

This is going to be so helpful! I struggle to find the right ways to support people when they’re struggling with anxiety. Awesome video Reuben! I subscribed and am excited to support you as a fellow small KZfaqr!

Really practical, clear & useful. Thank you!

This is an incredibly helpful video anxiety is such a widespread issue affecting all ages and having tools to navigate it and help others too by being open and sharing all your great ideas will surely help a lot of people who are struggling out there .. thanks for this

I have a little bit of anxiety myself at a work setting. I think caffine has something to do with it. Thanks for the upload man and good luck to you and your channel!

Thank u so much for caring i hope that can help my best friend

Big ups to you too Reuben!! What a great video - I had a friend have a panic attack after telling me something important and life changing in their life around Christmas time and I felt so lost as I didn't really know what to do other than to try and comfort them and distract them from the attack. I think the 5-4-3-2-1 tactic will really help if I end up in a similar situation again! Thank you!

Very kind! I am the very example of living anxiety! This is very helpful! Thank you!

My partner suffers with severe anxiety and panic attacks and it gets to the point she needs to be hospitalised and I try to comfort and be there for her as best I can but most of the time I don't even know what to do, I always seem to say or do the wrong things to help her through it and it sets her off off worse sometimes when all I want to do is be there for her so I appreciate this information and I will try and apply these techniques next time it happens thank you!!!

Superb advice.

This super helpful! Really liked the bit about asking what has happened as opposed to what is wrong with you. I have personally felt like my anxiety is invalid in the past which has made it worse so this is a great way to acknowledge that our anxiety is an accurate response. Very validating!!! Thank you!

What's happening to you? vs. What's wrong with you? That differentiation alone was an eye-opener. Thanks for sharing. This is a very informative video.

This was huge man. Thank you so much.

Thank you!

I care for somebody a lot but they’re panic attacks freak me out a lot and I feel so panicked myself even tho they say that me being there helps them. And now all my other friends are telling me to back off such a stressful place to be in

My favorite sister was trying to help me bringing all sorts of reasons why I had anxiety, instead of helping me, she became one of my problem. She kept calling me once I told her I feel fine and enjoying my time vacationing with my husband and kids. She kept calling me, and I told her off not to ever mention anxiety and even not to send me videos. She took it hard and send me not nice note, and w don’t talk ever since. I don’t care!

Great points I wouldn't have thought of. Thanks for sharing!

Really good vid mate 👊 getting better every vid (still loving the backdrop!)

This is very helpful

My grandfather had copd and enpazema. He is close to the end of this life and he is scared. This causes major anxiety and panic attacks. I'm looking for a good way to help and care for him.

Such useful and easy to remember advise in this video. Well made and well done!

Thank u! Good video

Thank you for posting this.

Thank you for sharing this video! It will help many people.

I hope your doing okay my brother n i would love to talk to you one day about some things i need help with

I have anxiety .i need your help

Sorry for being awkward but you are a very kissable person 🙃 I mean you are hot.... but its the warmth and kindness that compels to just kiss you out of love .... Keep doing what you do brother ❤

Thank you 🙏

Such an important topic! I love these topics cause so many people struggle with Anxiety in one way or antoher.

Thank you ❤

Such awesome advice on how to help others. Love your videos!

By the way, I love your background.❤

Best video ever

Really good information.

If u don’t wanna watch the video, just distract the person, try to get them not to think about it, that simple

I get so much anxiety about school because I used to get bullied and I’m not sure if I still do. Any advice?

Irie

Sir, I want to ask what if the person wants you to talk but you don't know what to say?

it's 8 am and i have had 3 panick attacks in a row

My uncle had a panic attack today and its happend before but when it happened before it was when we were at home and we were driving home today when he called us having a panic attack

My daughter has anxiety attack when I want to manke her understand that ur first priority to focus on ur studies and career and limit socialising with friends in this pandemic and she don't want to inform me in advance or take my permission and suddenly did thinks & plan with informing me when I tell her why u did this she is reacting that I m restricting her

I’m sorry, I don’t think by labeling problems is a good idea at all. The person who is trying to help a person with anxiety should just listen. Labeling makes it worse. My sister labeled one thing that I love to do, might be the cause for my anxiety, and that made me even more upset.

*Watches to support wife* “Hey not bad, this is very insightful! Maybe this’ll give my oblivious mind an edge in not being useless to my partner during the next attack 👍” *I want to take a moment to acknowledge you* 10:05 “Aye man *wipes tear back* you don’t have to do me like that let’s focus up here...” 😂

Next time include sub captions as not everyone understands the English you speak due to different accents

This is for my girlfriend

You can now find me on my podcast Reuben Recommends: podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/reuben-recommends/id1555563972

Ok but why did your acknowledgment at 10:10 make me tear up? 🥹