agreed but it’s not even about it being smart it comes natural to her and she wasn’t trying to keep him attached. I wouldn’t try this because I know I would get attached but I wish I had it in me to be more free and detached lol

Nigga...The fact that you don't recognize that this is just being a Psychopath shows how fallen we are.

thats called manipulation lol

@@digitalhistorian7786 No. It's called discernment. I think more women should have it.

@@EarCandyAsmr I agree. I been seeing this guy for the last year and a half. When we met, I had been single for about 7 months and the last thing I wanted to do was worry about a another relationship or trying to be in one. We mutually seemed to be on the same page because he never mentioned a relationship or any strong feelings so that's my assumption. I wanted to be single for a while, even though me and him met and it just continued on. I got feelings for him and I like him but

yeah in the beginning, I think it did overtime

"A person interested in your pleasure may not necessarily be interested in you as a person." Wow. I fascinating how this was put.. I honestly feel this is a very mellow way to communicate a person being sexually objectified lol

@@NallahBrown yeah thats a really good way of putting it 😕

Indeed a gem i never looked it that way.. smh so having good intense sex doesn't me they like me beyond it.. so sad but glad about the realization

@@sweetcapricorn really saddening

Mmmm, that’s definitely a valid point and should be discussed too

Good Luck to all the women holding out for "the one" while they are funking around. Most men trade down in both years and education level of a woman when they are ready to settle --

agreed these arrangements can end well but most of the time they don’t that’s why people hold out

@@lisaariottiart well it’s hold out for somone you are compatible with and a situation you feel you are deserving of or choose to settle. I’d rather be alone than do that. Good luck to those people

@@EJ-ne4cs agreed! I refuse to settle. Nobody is perfect. However, I will be with just anyone out of fear of being alone because I haven’t found what I truly deserve.

Same with me and my now husband Friends with benefits for 2 years dated for 3 more and married for 3 now 🥰

Moral of the story the cuddle guy got no ass guys dont be the cuddle guy

It’s rare to see the open/poly relationships last long term. They work, til they don’t. But why mess with what’s been working? I’ve been around a lot of the people in the community, and often many are using sex as a hobby and are trying to find fulfillment in an area that it is impossible to find. It will be fun, but the desire for more is always there. Also, a lot of women I have found, even in the community, when they are really into a guy, have much less desire for other male partners. Look at this video, case in point. But of course you are free to do as you wish, just throwing in my unasked for two cents lol

@@jaredmello it depends on what you mean by rare. To me, I mean if you look at the statistics, every relationship has a higher rate of failure or chance of failure the longer people are together, monogamy included. Just look at the rate of failure of marriage. Now if you add in how many people date seriously and break up without getting married, I mean the number is astronomical lol.

@@jaredmello so maybe we're looking at failure in relationships the wrong way.

So true!

So true!!!

Facts

This is probably true and also part of it is Shan was honest with herself, honest with Jarod, and Shan’s communication skills are almost unmatched so a lot of it was Shan’s approach and communication style.

I agree. Plenty of women have don't what she has

I did that and let me tell u fell in love with the D. We did have the relationship conversation and we don’t have the same values so we didn’t

They are good for the long run.

Exactly!!

It really be the cuddling 🙆🏽‍♀️🙆🏽‍♀️🙆🏽‍♀️

cant have your cake and eat it too all the time

@@digitalhistorian7786 true. I had a FWB relationship with an ex, we were both married (to other people of course lol), yes it was bad, we still love each other although live in different states so cannot have each other physically.

Love this. Yes.

I’m jealous, but happy for you too lol

@@chelseavp7 As a single demi sexual not sure how I would survive without my friends lol

Seems like y’all understand the idea of having love and fondness for each other without forcing something unnecessarily. Love that for y’all 🥰🥰🥰🥰

I am a fan!!!!!! So do you engage others in a romantic/intellectually & emotionally intimate way outside of the sexual relationship you have with your f buddy friend?

A lot of women end up with the guy they cuddle with. If anything women fall on the opposite side. Not ending up with the physical guy and actually having a relationship with the cuddler. Only because the cuddler tends to cuddle you with coins too. So they end up being a provider and someone who is not there for sex..it makes you want to fully lean into the stable provider relationship. Then that sex ends up being better than the former

I would like to bring into another point of view that came to me, which is that I believe because of those boundaries, there is space to invite someone in your life and create a 'playground' (being the boundaries): a place of a consensus where both parties agree that we're meeting each-other in this playground and are exploring to see if there's a connection there (and what kind of connection that is). Like kids in the playground, right, you walk up to someone, start playing together and sometimes it ends in an argument, sometimes you've had a great day but also seperate ways again and is fine as is, and sometimes it blossoms into something more, a deeper friendship or relationship and you continue to meet each-other. The playground, the structures, help to lay out a foundation for that meeting. And yes you're right about the deeply connecting experience + life source part, I completely agree with you and I myself barely have had a sexual relationship nor have I been participating in any for a long time for that same reason you state. Yet I have discovered that by which I just wrote down doesn't have to exclude a healthy relationship and if done in a careful manner with understanding over your needs (maybe being; I would not be able to deal with a f-buddy relationship because say, sex is a vulnerable part of me that I wish to honour through a more emotional bond with someone) and tap into your own authority. For those that find commitment more difficult i.e., it can be a great meeting point of assessing if this is indeed someone you wish to build lasting things with. I really valued your comment but I also wanted to share what I've been learning for myself! Doesn't have to be for everyone and I'm still not having sexual relations myself, but I definitely have shifted the inner-experience towards it and towards approaching relationships a lot -- it's continuously changing according to what enters my life and what I allow and choose. F-buddy relations used to be very harmful for me too, because I was needing a lot more and kept desiring for more. While I wasn't being truthful to myself and wasn't acting/communicating and deciding according to what I needed to those that provided (or didn't provide) that. I had a rough time cutting that cord, while it was my saving grace and has been a real growth. Sorry a bit personal there! just wanted to tap into your comment and share :).

Thank you!!

@Marie Baker I believe there’s way more “traditional seeking” men then there are women. Plus, women leave their marriages at a 70% rate.

@Marie Baker I’d argue women are NOT raised to be wives (in the traditional sense) modern, western women are not traditional, yet want traditional outcomes. Men are not resided to “plow” everything. Currently 30% if the men under 30 years of age are virgins. I’m so tired of this victim mindset as well… Even if I said 30% of the time it’s got the most egregious acts (infidelity, abuse etc). The other 50% would be to “irreconcilable differences” essentially no fault divorces (a newer concept) has given women an out because they may feel some type of way about something. We know women feelings change A LOT!

@Marie Baker that’s most divorces NOT all but we know for a fact the majority of divorces files are by women. And the men women desire most may behave that way… but let’s be serious most men are invisible to most women…..

@Marie Baker the primary reason is “irreconcilable differences/lack of commitment” abuse, finance falls very low as why women divorce. All women think they’re 10s in terms of attractiveness. So their expectations will of a man is unrealistic, go watch Rebecca Lynn Pope (prior dating coach for women) who outlined why she quit match making women because they’re unrealistic expectations. Most women don’t even believe they have a level to date at that………..

After writing this I had Shan’s voice in my head; letting me know how I’m limiting myself by ruling condoms completely our, maybe there is a right kind of condom for me? When I’m honest I haven’t really given them a fair chance. So I’ve been looking up natural & eco friendly condoms.. and the results are really promising 😏💦

Polyamory exists, just saying. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to be monogamous.

@@Ilikefrogs.. He wants to be monogamous and I love him too much too loose him for that.

Maybe that's one of the drawbacks of f*** buddies, it can be so good and satisfying that it doesn't get better than that

I am soooooo in the same situation 😂

Same here!

That's awesome

Yup. If you don’t things are gonna get ugly quick. 11:30

Also don’t let them touch your breast. That breeds attachment. You can research it.

@@coachzaynab355 omggggg

Email, #Drdodoyi on KZfaq now for any disease or illness you suffering from. kzfaq.info/love/sYxUef8ey3b3nfcP0acVww 🌀

Email, #Drdodoyi on KZfaq now for any disease or illness you suffering from. kzfaq.info/love/sYxUef8ey3b3nfcP0acVww 🌀

I'm not Shan, nor am I a professional in this area, but here's my advice, should you decide to take it. I think it's better for your peace of mind and lack of confusion to end it and move on with someone else (if you're comfortable with that). Whether you decide to let him know is 100% your decision and dependant on what your relationship is like with this guy. If he later on down the road decides he's ready to continue, you can decide if you want to as well. But don't sit and wait for him. You could also push him to give you a rough estimate of when he's likely to be back on it and plan according to that information. Again, I'm not a professional in this area and I don't know you personally, but those are just some ideas on what to do if you're completely blank on ideas.

He's probably got another f buddy

You don’t have to “end it” bc it’s not a relationship. Find another love

Get out your feelings cause you definitely caught some.

Would you mind elaborating?

Would love to hear more as well.

Yep

@@dlizzy3835 attractive people have way more options and people treat them differently. I’d know 😉

@@jaredmello I guess I should have clarified that I meant in the context of this video, because the original comment was vague. I know about pretty privilege. But research has shown a human tendency towards assortative mating meaning we select partners with similar characteristics or of similar status. So technically an unconventionally attractive person should have options, other “unconventionally attractive” people, and an exceptionally attractive person wouldn’t “date down” anyway so to speak. Most people should have the ability to find a fwb whether “conventionally attractive” or not. (I use quotes because I hate all of this superficial bs and wish we were blind to each other’s exteriors initially and saw intent, auras, natures, personality, character, etc. first) *edit: maybe I should have said “date outside of their range” instead of “down” just making it clear that I’m speaking as a spectator, in my world a prettier person is not higher or more valuable by default.

@Media Watch Possible in the sense that anything is possible. But when it comes to how likely a person could have this type of relationship for a significant period of time without it ending badly, it is VERY unlikely. The control of emotions aspect is really saying “If you can out smart your own human nature and biology, then you can be in a F buddy relationship.” Evidence would suggest that is why things go south in F Buddy situations.

Marriages are the only way to keep “score” of any relationship…

I feel like it caught her off guard?? No judgement here girl, just noticed this too.

I think he's being honest in a way that a lot of people aren't capable of... We don't know how conscious those motives/thoughts were at the time either, he may have realised this much later

For real, but I’m here for the total honesty!

He's very honest and I like that. A lot of other guys would've lied. But Shan has said that she wants total honesty from him. When he has given it, she has been "whoah!", but understands that she needed to hear it.

Wow, so interesting. At least you KNOW what you want right? Hope you get it

It's "idle minds."

Lmaoo 😂

That's the real question!!!!

You’re women. You control the access to sex.

Email, #Drdodoyi on KZfaq now for any disease or illness you suffering from. kzfaq.info/love/sYxUef8ey3b3nfcP0acVww 🌀

Personally I think the cuddle second is a lie. Its a manipulation by her.

@@ruthsikorski5495 i know because if it was good you want to cuddle with the person you are with …nobody is totally happy alone you just cope with it.