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*_Unspeakable feelings need to be expressed. However verbalization of very intense feelings may be a too difficult at times_*

I hope everyone here is ok. Look after yourselves, and your kids.

"You're now an adult". Kinda. A part of the conscious mind is stuck as a child still. And that sucks.

The moment when you realize you have a problem is very important, then your constant "what is WRONG with me?! turns into "how do I fix this?"

I was publicly shamed by a friend in a very nasty manner when I was young. I've had so much trouble making friends since then. I find rejection really terrifying, which makes me withdrawn and odd to others.

_'The catastrophe that the traumatised fear will happen has already happened.'_ ~ Donald Winnicott

I am one of those persons that fear to be seen, because as a child when I was seen, I was hurt. This video talks about how traumatized people tend to think that others are likely to mock them, and I really felt that.

For me the worst part about my trauma is not only the anxiety, it's more this indescribable loneliness that I feel and also the dissociation from the world and myself which creates this feeling of isolation. I feel like a prisoner in my own body and mind

*Trauma takes time to heal* and the best thing we can do is to be present with our emotions. Take the time to feel, be present and grow from the experience.

"In order to find the gist of what might have occurred to us long ago, we should ask ourselves not so much about the past (we wouldn't directly be able to remember it anyway), but about what we're afraid will happen to us going forward. Our apprehension holds the best clues as to our history." This is one of the wisest, clearest and truest things I've ever heard in my life. This channel is a blessing. Thank you.

The part about not remembering your trauma years later really hit me! I tried to talk to my therapist about the root of my trauma by giving specific examples but I could barely remember any because I’ve been trying to forget that part of my life for years. It’s like you remember the general sadness during that time but you don’t remember specific events, so weird.

Having a breakdown in 2017 was the best thing that ever happened to me. Embrace it my friends.

It's easy to sink into sadness when you realize all the ways in which trauma prevents you from enjoying life. It feels almost like a little curse that will always follow you. On bad days this thought really cuts off my appetite for life. However, it's important to see it from a neutral perspective. It's not a handicap. It's more like a feature, like a birthsign. It's a part of us that manifests in a myriad of ways that make up who we are. For example, I recently realized my entire life has been unconsciously governed by my fear of ending up dependent on my parents ever again. This fear is preventing me from reaching the kind of deep connection that occurs when you entrust people with vital parts of your life. That is particularly sad because I do strive for that deeper connection and I feel a terrible inner conflict every time. But this fear also helped me become a strong and independent person. It made me more driven in my professional life, it made me able to question authority and be a better activist. It made me a more reliable person because I don't want to cause people that kind of insecurity. I've come to accept that I will have to live with these trust issues for the rest of my life. With things like this it's more a question of coping than overcoming completely I think. But even so, there are people who can empathize with my trust issues which creates a different but still deep connection. There are people willing to put up with them, people who find them fascinating. It doesn't have to be a curse.

THIS. Is. The topic that I've been wanting the school of life to cover for years. This hit me so hard, thank you.

Complex PTSD, from surviving to thriving. Polyvagal theory. The best I have read of plenty.

I often feel sorry for my baby me :(

Having worked on my Neglect and trauma from my own childhood, I am now able to be the very best version of myself as a parent to my own child. However, I am constantly checking my own neuroses and remaining trauma so not to influence my child in a negative way. Thank you so very much for these videos. You have helped me a LOT! Respect and gratitude from an Aussie KZfaqr 🌹🌹

I was a special-needs kid, and dealt with a number of teachers that bullied me throughout my childhood and teen years. Replace “how we view the world” with “how we view ourselves,” and this video fits to a tee!

My very first 'crush', one that I liked very much indeed from elementary/primary/grade school died unexpectedly. They simply dropped dead in their home. It was my first encounter with death, let alone my first encounter with losing a loved one. I dont think about it often but when I do, I can notice suppressed feelings that have followed me all this time. I'd always been a "quiet" albeit curious kid, but that incident definitely changed me in ways I have yet to fully appreciate. You have not been forgotten, Isabella.

Yet again, *the most underrated channel on KZfaq*

Like that Bojack meme goes, we inherit our parents' trauma but never fully understand it.

Emotional neglect from 0-18 years left me fearless because i had nothing to loose. No emotions to identify with. Emotions weren't allowed.

I recommend, "The Body Keeps The Score" by Dr. Vanderkolk to anyone that is or knows a survivor.

If you suffer from trauma, neglect, abuse, I highly recommend the book "the tao of fully feeling" by Pete Walker. The cover and the name might come off as cheesy but it describes things in such a clear and crisp way, has short sections so you can read at your own pace, and has just been extremely valuable to me in recovering. All the best!

My trauma was witnessing my sister being violated for years and being powerless to stop these attacks. While I felt that the physical beatings I received pales in comparison to what my sister received, it took three decades for the family to hear my story. The only poor advice that I have to offer with overcoming trauma is to advocate for yourself, and disassociate your memories to keep from living in the past. I feel that if you can find it within yourself that you are worth a shit, that despite even your own beliefs that you deserve a better life, and the realization that your history isn’t what defines you, then perhaps you’ll gain some insight on the vices and triggers that intentionally confines you in that traumatic state. Give yourself patience, time, and most of all, be that person you needed when you were younger. Not sure if this advice will help anybody, but regardless if it does or not... I’m rooting for you.

Some traumas are nebulous... some people don't remember clearly but they know there is something huge that explain why they are as they are... love is an unknown adventure, so hard to (accept to) be loved... the lonely on his pathway knows what i mean, but some others too

Everyone please take care of yourself, it hurts to see people live in absolute misery and then try to act how everything's fine, I genuinely hope you guys fight through, and please don't give a care about other, just stay healthy and don't hide so much emotions, please PLEASE find a way to get it all out!!

One of the bibles about traumas is the book "The body keeps the score". Highly recommended to anyone who has interest in the subject, specially victims of traumatic events. Depending on the trauma, specially childhood related ones, they never really get overcome, people just learn how to cope better with them by understanding that the "symptoms" are not so unique to themselves, but to most of people who went through something similar. That might help dealing with self blaming, shame, anger and other harsh common feelings one experiences when trying live a normal life while dealing with frequently abnormal reactions triggered due to past traumatic memories.

2017 was when I revisited my childhood trauma, later on, I got diagnosed with Chronic PTSD. These past three years I have put so much work into my healing and I can now confidently say that you have the ability to heal and integrate your traumas! All this “take these meds” and “learn to live with this” is pure nonsense! Mental illness does not have to be permanent if you commit to facing your traumas with an open heart and mind. Purge out all of those bottled up emotions first so processing isn’t so overwhelming! Soon you’ll see that the more you allow yourself to FEEL with no judgment but with awareness, the more you’ll see that you just had to purge out all of these sad emotions to feel good emotions again. Takes time but then you’ll soon be crying tears of joy as I have been all of 2020✨🙌🏽

As a child victim of years upon years of trauma resulting in CPTSD, now aged 62 I realize that you can't change or heal it. All you can do is learn to live with it and work round it once you understand it's effects. In effect one remains a victim of the effects

I cannot heal my trauma because my narcissistic toxic parent is still alive and I'm stuck with them

My father was abusive. And by abusive i mean he used to beat me and my brothers. Terrible beatings, used to bash my head against conrete wall, choke me untill i lost consciousness and many more. And my parents got divorced when i was 11 and since then i was terrified when someone knocked the door i would dread. But now i have my own kids and even if i try to love them as much as i wanted to i just dont know how to do it. And sometimes i find myself shouting. Terrible thing. I dont even know how i ended up there. I alwasy ran away from it but now i am. Fuuck.

after what happened, i’ve felt so confused. stuck. alone. weak. always looking for a distraction, unmotivated for anything else. i’m still very much at the beginning of whatever this is, still stuck in fear. i wish it weren’t this way. just wish i weren’t in my shoes right now. idk. things will get better with time, i hope.

Psychotherapy has been very helpful for me. I don’t remember most of my childhood, and I’m glad I have a responsible therapist who doesn’t try to force my memory, but who helps me identify the effects of trauma and combat what you so aptly identified as dread. Thank you. I loved this one

Therapies like EMDR and EFT are good for releasing trauma. Peter Levine has written some books on how trauma is held within the body.

This rings so true, that it's painful just to hear.

I'm currently dealing with leaving an abusive and toxic relationship. I completely agree with this video. I have a hard time telling people how he made my life hell but have a hard time recalling exactly what those things are. My brain has hurt so much that forgetting makes it easier to cope or excuse. It's hard to move on because I still feel like I love him but know on every level it is detrimental to my well-being. I can see how easy it could be to fall into an even worse situation. The manipulation, even if not physical, really puts your brain in a state of survival out of fear. I'm hopeful there can be a happy ending and I know logically this is so, but it does not seem like there is a light at the end of the tunnel at this point. Just thought someone out there might benefit from my situation. You will have friends again and you can be happy again whether alone or with someone.

I am beating trauma by being the parent I needed when I was younger. I make sure to always show up for myself, I give myself the attention I need, I tell myself that I am love and worthy of it, and I’m seeing major improvements in my confidence and self esteem.😊

I dont have any trauma thankfully but my condolences to those who have it

honestly trauma is such a stupid thing "congratulations, you suffered, now suffer some more"

above all, thank you so much for addressing the “memory” aspect of trauma. it took me longer than it should have to accept my own experiences because i couldnt remember much of them, and therefore kept being dismissed and even dismissing myself. memories surrounding trauma are so complex and not enough people talk about that.

I have to say this is very true and thank you for this video. The biggest problem haunted me years is that I didn't realize I was traumatized until a friend pointed it out to me what happened long ago had great impacts. It covers almost all of my adult life and I always had issues with commitment and relationships.

Thank you for the somewhat cathartic words and visuals.These videos are helping me heal from a breakdown and helping me look more closely at myself.

The most effective way of reducing trauma in all of humanity is for parents to stop being immoral trash towards their own children.

So relevant to me right now Thank you

I watched my parents fighting with each other over the silliest little things since I was a child, even until they have a grandchild they're still in disagreement. I'm scared of commitment thanks to them

I had a car accident last month.. today I started driving again. Trauma is cured by positive experiences... go out and EXPERIENCE.

Sometimes you are an adult who keeps getting hurt and neglected not from parents, but everyone around you. Even church members, authorities, people that said were friends and so on... that's when this video doesn't work. But thank you.

As always, you do invaluable work. This channel will in years from now be seen as the main philosophical tool of the internet era. I am so thankful I came across you and your books 2-3 years ago.

The best is to keeping away from the people who have traumatized you. My parents have abused me verybally AND physically AND psychologically. I did the only right thing and moved away from them as soon as I turned 18 in 2011. I even went abroad for a year in 2016, but when I returned in 2017, I propoably made the biggest (and yes, I mean THE biggest genuinely) mistake of my life. I moved back in wth my parents. When I moved back in, there was nothing but fighting, and they essentally continued their abusive behaviour. That, dear friends, has essentially created new wounds and re-opened many old ones. I live by myself since early 2019 again, but those past two years where I had been living with my parents is still haunting me.

This is a very important video with a paramount message. Not everyone's childhood is smooth and positive. I was once treating a doctor and together through a certain method unearthed a long forgotten trauma which had happened in her childhood when she was 4 years old. Once that was resolved her improvement was almost instantaneous and her condition remarkably improved. For those who are struggling with some of the stuff mentioned in this video, my suggestion is to seek help. Do not tackle it alone.

One of the few reasons I have understood that I've been tramatized as a child (and after childhood too) is beacuse my fear of the future has always been that it doesn't excist. It doesn't feel dark or terrible och anything like that - it just doesn't excist. Everything was ending all the time, always, and my greatest fear was that all human beings would dissapear. My greatest fear was living my whole life without talking to anyone or having any kind of interaction with a human being again. And it didn't just feel likely to happened in the future. It was the only thing that could happen , if not the other thing that is ever worse would happened - the world would dissapear too. It's only the last 3-4 years (I'm 26 soon) that I've come to believe myself to have any kind of future at all. I went to school almost by conincidence, needed to fix my high school grades (but truly I just wanted a break from my job) and all out of a sudden I'm good in school. I don't know yet but I know my grade will be at least fairly good, maybe even very good. I'm so confused and depressed. A teacher that everyone likes and admires (who's also a university teacher) told me that she is certain I would do very good at university and almost tried to convince me I should study something more academic than what I thought was possible for me. I just can't understand it. I feel extremely boastful but I got the resultat back at a national university test we have here (in sweden, called högskoleprovet) and it was good. Not extremely good or anything but without doubt, it can give me a good future. Like very good. I failed in school before beacuse I knew life was over in every second of every minute. It was over. I always knew that, so I was extremely uninterested in everything. My last graduation (with failed grades) was one of the most depressing days in my life. I love this video beacuse it describes very important and forgotten aspects of trauma. It's not only about flashbacks all the time, it's also about completely losing the faith in the very existence of life. Why should I believe in a future when I didn't really had a now - or a past?

I would love to know how to see the world as not a terrifying place..

I remember my childhood where I was hit for being notorious and messy. And if I cry they'll say cry without a sound. So Ill go under my blanket and cry without a sound with lumps forming in my throat and cry myself to sleep. They never trust me in anything even now. If I spoke my mind still they blame me for being irresponsible disrepecting them. The trauma is worse than I thought. I thought i was exaggerating but as days pass on Im started to fear whether ill be the same person as my parents to my partner and kids. My partner tries to bring me out of this and sometimes I hurt him too. Its really hard.. 😭😭

Slowly coming out of decades of trauma in my 40s. Tiny first steps, but it's so liberating and already my mental health has improved dramatically. All this in the midst of a global pandemic too!

*It takes TIME* It’s not as easy as it sounds, but with anything, if you are willing to change it and make the best out of it then you will find every way to make yourself feel better again and be PATIENT. 🙏

I needed this today, thank you for all the work you do

i went on for 16 years with trauma caused by one who were very near to me and i have been decaying all these years i never conected the dots to this person i even tryed to fix everything even tho that person almost killed me its scary to think that i couldnt fully remember it even back then. every day is a struggle. but getting more and more help with dealing with it now. i just had to tell my parents about it and i wish i did 16 or so years ago. got a son now and i will not let this drag me down any more or have the chance of leaving my son getting traumatized by my actions or my mood. thank you for your video.

There are certain traumas you can never recover from. It can be managed

Holy shit I didn't even know how much I needed this

One important and often forgotten aspect of trauma, especially this specific kind, is not that we are just afraid of rejection and criticism, but afraid of our own anger/rage, afraid of our capacity to be aggressive and harm (note: capacity != doing). We need those aggressive energies to be assertive and protect ourselves, and it's very important that we can feel them instead of fear them. If we can do that, suddenly unpleasant situations become quite a bit less unpleasant.

I cannot express how thankful I am for your clear explanation of such complicated aspects of ourselves. Taking deep breaths now and starting my own healing journey ✨❤️✨

Few tips from my side as I have undergone bad depression and emotional trauma 1. Used google notes at night and have written whatever thoughts emotions come to my mind : but remember to have a title for every thought , like hurting thoughts , damaging past , people I hate etc and write under them and finally archive it . Slowly your mind will easily identify the thoughts and it knows which section they belong to and also you will get capacity to archive it within your head. Train your brain to do this way! 2. Speak speak speak , biggest problem with trauma is not being understood. If you get one person who identifies what you are going through and talk in those lines there are good chances you will get out of it quickly , so instead of being silent and waiting for right person just talk with everyone and express your feelings , I am sure one or the other will say what you are going through and that gives a good relief and you can be out of that immediately as soon as you identify that. 3. Meditate - this helps great but difficult to do when in trauma , try to the extent possible this has its impact . Focus to identify that behaviour of yours or nature of yours which is hurt and causing this emotion or pain and try to give up that nature , this is good to make you much stronger mentally.

When I was a kid(2 years),I used to be really sick but my mom and dad left me alone at home for jobs. When I grew up I felt like don't deserve love and I couldn't make friend because I felt like I didn't deserve them and I didn't matter at all. I don't deserve anything,I am worthless,for the past two years I went on being tortured by my own mind! It wasn't easy. I felt like shit. For the most part I tried to put a happy facade but pretending to be happy won't make you happier. But slowly I have come to untangle stuff and I'm learning to see the problem as the problem and not attach my whole past with it

At 30 yrs. of age, I was a happy, athletic mother of 2 little girls. I got very sick and had to be hospitalized with Viral Encephalitis. soon, when my daughters visited me in the hospital, I had no idea who they were. Or who I was, for that matter. I forgot everything as soon as it happened, and all balance was gone. I couldn't walk, couldn't hear, wore a diaper, and couldn't even figure out how to tie my shoes. I was very angry, I was very volatile, and I did things that horrify me today. it's been 28 yrs. and I can't forget. I can't move past it. Still no balance, and I fall, I can hear well enough, I suppose, but there is a background noise that hasn't let up, and probably won't. my girls are grown up, but they hold resentment for things I did, and I can't blame them. I can't change any of it, and I don't know what to do. I am unable to even support myself. Social Security has turned me down for disability times.

My house almost burned out yesterday and now im at my auntie's with mom, mom went to our house with my grandparents to check out everything.. last night i couldn't sleep at all and when the thought of my house getting all burned out came in my mind, i always pray to God...My dad is in Germany to work and im here in Romania with my mom

It feels like being constant broken and isolating yourself from others to sort yourself out until you shake the trauma off temporarily then put a mask on.

So every time it comes up that a lack of love is a major cause. And love is needed to cure it. But how do you find love? How do you get love? How do you build love around you? Nobody helps with that. And not just the theory but also the practical. I’m heavily traumatised, and the one thing i need most, will have the most positive effect on me, help me the most to overcome trauma, is love. But how, where, who? Nobody helps you with that. Perhaps because nobody knows what they’re doing.

I was sexually abused by three of my class mates when I was eight, one of them was my best friend. Three or four years it happened again with my neighbour and his friends on his birthday- I was the only girl. I never thought this had affected me. Ten minutes after it happened, I already wasn't thinking about it anymore. Only now as an adult I have realized that my brain just blocked the experience out. Suddenly my addiction to my computer and my anger issues make so much sense to me.

I pray for all those who have faced trauma in their lives, either at the hands of people you thought would make the world beautiful for you; your ealy caretakers or loved ones. May God heal us of what we couldn't control. We are not bad people. We are not defected. We are not at fault for our past. We are simply those who've fallen to unfair circumstances and we will grow out of it. God sees, and hears. He understands why we fear and what our past was and present is and future will be. May his hands guide you through the right path.

I've been traumatized by the end of a 6 years relationship. I always took it for granted, but when we moved countries my ex changed her behaviour completely. She showed no interest in me at all and in three months we got divorced. I could see she was feeling so good being on her own and I had one of the hardest moments of my life. I did seek for help, talked to psychologists, went to the gym, went out with friends, did meditation, cold showers, nofap.... I couldn't live in the same town that she did, so I moved. I am in the beginning of a new relationship now, but still can't stop feeling sorry for myself and thinking about her. I know when we say trauma, we are talking about people who undergone way more serious situations than mine, like violence, abuse, war etc. Still, I feel pretty miserable and it's about to be one year since it all started. I still talk to my psychologist, twice a week lately. I know it depends a lot from person to person, on one's capacity of resilience. For me, it has been very difficult.

I always assumed I was emotionally weak and over-reactive, dramatic, or overly afraid. Yes, my mother was very critical of me and my father was depressed, yes my parents hated each other since I was young and still do, but the amount of self-loathing, doubt, and fear i felt/feel regularly seemed unjustified. A few years ago I began to suspect maybe I had repressed a traumatic event or wasn’t old enough to remember it, but that seemed like a convenient way to make excuses for my lack of emotional stability. This makes me feel validated and justified, something I have felt very little in my life. My parents were very young when I was born and though no one told me, I eventually realized that I was a complete accident. They also divorced when I was barely 1 year old, and their arguments in my early childhood were explosive. I must have witnessed arguments like this while they were still together, as an infant, which traumatized me. I am frowning or look confused in all of my baby pictures.

I lost my leg 9 months ago. This accident happened in the middle of living my best life. I’m at my lowest now, it’s fucked me up

This was posted the very week i felt my life fall apart and my breakdown in full swing. I found a breakthrough in my breakdown and this video perfectly captured my experience of decades in trauma and realizing it now at 35.

How to overcome trauma? Good question. I have a better one: How to PREVENT trauma? Most childhood trauma was totally preventable by proper knowledge and skills about parenting. But strangely not any diploma is needed for parenting, no education, no school, nothing.... So trauma is passed on from generation to generation.... Also I think people with psychopath-genes in their dna should NEVER have children at all. Also narcissistic and sociopathic personality types should be discussed for having children at all. We are over populated; it's not like we're an endangered species: we don't need their dna in the gene pool. There's enough knowledge and science-proof about the life-long effects of failing parenting skills. And no (mentally) healthy parents would like to ruin the life of their own child. If they had known better, they would have done better. (Except if they are psychopaths, sociopaths or narcissists: they don't care... only about themselves they care)

It's amazing that mother nature left such a flaw in the human condition that a child can be traumatized for life in its first few months of life. Thanks Mum,😕

I never deserved what happened to me, but it happened. I'm 15 and it still affects me and the only thing that doesn't make me want to stay in my bed and cry about how much I hate myself and how much others hate me, is drugs and drinking. I wish that it just never happened, I just hope I get a wake up call soon because if I keep going down this path I'll never get myself out but all I care about anymore is smoking weed all day and the only thing I'm good at is skating. And I've gone my whole life with everyone thinking I'm weird and hyper and it got to me and now I only have a group of like 7 other friends, no one else will accept me

My dad hit a deer and i saw how the poor thing flew 😭😭😭 if not this video, i would not have thought of shutting my brain off, so thank you a lot.

2nd of September 2008, 14:30. Admitting that my lens might be distorted. Zero hour. I've come a long way

I just want to tell everybody please please listen to your children, please believe them, please don't make them feel it was their fault!

This is so on point it's scary. I've been medicated for nearly 20 years and my psychiatrist never brought up trauma as the underlying cause of my fears, anxieties, depression, and other dysfunctions.

I faced some hard things in this past month of May. I've gotten better, but I'm still processing things. Good luck to all you with coping with your experiences. If I've learned anything these past two months it's that mental health is so important and shouldn't be neglected. Neglecting your feelings, or bottling things up will ALWAYS bite you in the ass eventually. Please talk to someone and if you need to... CRY. Crying is good to deal with your emotions, so put that tough guy shit in the trash. Good luck everyone, I hope you all do well ❤️

"...and so that the world may not be the dark, fearful, overwhelming and dread-filled place that we've come to assume it must be." It's always nice to wrap up such videos on a positive note. But do you really feel that the world is actually not a dark, fearful, overwhelming and dread-filled place? I find that the longer I've lived, the harder it is for me to convince myself that it isn't.

Great video. I think the biggest trauma for me was when I was 9 years old and my father betrayed my mother and I by falling in love with my mother's sister and gave more love to my cousins than to me. This situation latested for 20 years. Because my father preferred my cousins than me I became very unsecured and I don't trust people. The best way for me to deal with this is with my psychotherapist

Reaching out for help from trauma is so tough. Finding people who are able to help and also finding the strength and courage to work through it. It's like these things need to happen at the same time, the right help at the same time as being ready for help.

I wish all these videos came with a list of book recommendations

I feel i have mental blocks. They happen only when i talk. Sometimes i stutter and many times the fear itself of stuttering makes it even worse: i fear failing. I think i know where this comes from: I was raised by my mother alone. But i once saw the one who was my biological father (who i saw only three times) in bed with my mother. I was 6 years old. This infuriated me a lot, i started breaking things, etc... but the thing is that the strongest feeling was me trying to repress that thing i was seeing in front of me. The repression. Ive also spent my whole life also holding my stomach/belly in in order to look thinner. The thing is now im feeling the same repression in my speech.

I'm still looking for a KZfaq channel as educating as the school of life.

Please spread the technique of EMDR. After years of curving around my trauma with known therapies, this was the breakthrough. EMDR + Yoga (body work, process stuck feelings) + meditation (calm down triggers through soothing amygdala and findin a more conscious space to deal with feelings and thoughts). all the best to you.

I just took so many notes from this video and even came to some of my own revelations about my traumas. Thank you

*Honest and thorough introspection helps to overcome trauma* ...💪

I just experienced something at work that shook me to my core. I’m putting in my two weeks notice… it’s just too much…

Nice vid lol. Useful af. My childhood was fucked over and left to rot by people that were very very close to me and i'm haunted. These type vids and teachings help.

i mean we live in a world where the Holocaust happened, where fascism and racism are on the rise again, global warming, growing financial inequality, corruption, exploitation, death etc. so it's not entirely false to view the world through fearful eyes, to be alive is traumatic

Not possible, if it always gets renewed. The daily grind is one of my biggest traumas, it destroyed me beyond repair. Recently I got beaten unconscious and robbed, as I lied in the hospital, with a bloody and beaten up face, I asked myself a very specific question: If I felt worse sometimes after work, and the answer was yes. I often feel more beaten up by work more horrible, than literally by three thugs. The thing is, I can't buy myself free and every bit of recovery gets annihilated as soon as I'm forced to work. It's never ending torment, like Prometheus, whose guts get ripped out by a bird, just so they can heal up and ripped out over and over again.

i just recently found out what a seizure looks like. my baby sister had one. and the look and her face. the way she tried to scream for help. how her face went blue, and how her body turned grey. she almost didn’t wake up. the doctors said if my mom didn’t do CPR... she wouldn’t be here. my mom saved my baby sisters life. this was a couple days ago. i can’t stop replaying it in my mind. it won’t go away. i’m always so scared. i’m never able to rest. i see it in my dreams. i can never stop thinking about it. i’m distancing myself. i need help. i need something.

I go back to past events in my life when someone did something wrong to me and talk to myself about that situation and how that person has no power over me or my mind and that I am better and stronger now since i survived that situation and then i visualize removing that individual from my mind by sending their negative essence into the sun as a black ball of energy.

I saw my mother in bed with whom was supposed to be my father. He lives in Brazil and i've only seen him 3 times. The last time when i was 6. I'm 25 now. That experience made me really angry and impotent. Although the main pain was not anger or impotence but the desire to supress the feeling. I don't really know if things like these can have any effect, but i've been "diagnosed" with social-anxiety by my psychotherapist. I'm better now, but when i turned 18 the fear suddenly appeared out of the blue and i started feeling really awkward around people. I couldn't understand that since i've always been a happy guy. but anyway, i'm doing better now. Although i stutter and mumble a little bit sometimes.

This Is A Video To Get Someone Off The Ledge. Thank You.