I don’t agree with anything that she is saying. My soul is crushed because of his addiction. Period.

Come all to me after you've lived with your spouse having a porn addiction for almost 25 years. And whom has made you do things all cause he sees it in porn. Women need to stand up against this. Either your man/woman loves you or loves the porn more.

Lived with a man for 30 years who had a porn addiction. I am now in a divorce. Pornaddiction DOES NOT GO AWAY!! He had 4 years of therapy And what you say...i do not agree.

I really don’t understand how you can separate when he’s rejecting you for his addiction it does hurt both people period

So if someone randomly assaulted you, does that mean the person could be like "Remember, if you get angry, feel scared, or distrust me, it's because your thoughts CAUSED you to feel that way. We are in separate lanes. It's not my fault you feel these things."... ?? 😳 No, because pain, fear, trauma, etc are autonomic. Even distrust can be autonomic. If someone chooses to not be trustworthy, then distrusting them is a natural healthy response. Trying to heal and be safe when someone is actively abusing you is like a soldier trying to heal while still in the battlefield being shot at with explosions all around. Again, the fear from being unsafe is autonomic. TRAUMA is autonomic. Look, I do get what you're trying to say though, I used to say all of this stuff too, but it's not practical or efficient advice when there's abuse present, and this advice can be dangerous for abuse victims (and even more dangerous if the abuser hears it). And since polls from betrayed abuse victims show that 99% have experienced abuse from their sex addict partner, abuse victims are the majority of your audience. When someone abuses you, cheats on you, lies to you, gaslights you, and overall puts you and your kids lives in danger, and you feel like hurt, scared, insecure, distrust, etc. afterward, it's the abusers fault. The abusers choices caused it. Not the victims "thoughts". And when working with victims it's crucial that our language doesn't indirectly blame victims or mitigate perpetrator responsibility. Plus, I've known some of the healthiest, confident, and self loving women, yet they still "bled" when their partners betrayed them. The last thing victims need is to also feel guilty and blame themselves the next time they feel like crap after their husband cheats on them.😢 Feeling hurt after the person you love chooses to lie, cheat, and abuse you IS a normal healthy human response. It's evidence that you are a loving human being who cares 💗🤗

I cant tell you the amount of betrayal I've faced in my 13 year marriage. I would do anything for porn to have never existed. Our biggest issue is that he's never seen anything wrong with it. Therefore even when he said he stopped I know there is no way he will ever stop while he sees nothing wrong with his actions.

Sounds like she's disassociating so she doesn't feel the pain of his addiction.

This is beyond not true. She is not placing the blame on the perpetrator and is victim blaming. Saying that a betrayed abused woman is hurt because of her own thoughts that are her fault is disturbing. Beyond disturbing.

I agree with most everyone here, this video and it’s nonsense bs is not just stupid, it’s dangerous.

Pure nonsense. You can heal even though your husband is beating off and lusting over other women. Just take of yourself even though your husband continually lies, disrespects, and deceives you. Um no… he needs to get help or face the consequences.

I do believe we have to focus on ourselves but porn causes all the same intimacy problems that cheating does.

As someone who struggles with porn, this is BS. You are right to demand more from your husband and to be affected by it. That's natural. Porn is so insidious and evil.

This video is stupid and unhelpful. His actions cause other lack of actions. And a personality shift as well as attitude. Porn has always been a thing but it's out of control now because of ease of access. If you can't even talk about it with your spouse without them getting angry and starting an actual fued with each other it's a HUGE problem. And yes it's their problem, and like any other addiction they will not get over it if they do not want to. Addictions are hard enough to get over when you actually want to. So when they don't try because they clearly don't want to and they stop talking, caring, and don't want to show an understanding even though THEY KNOW. It hurts. Who does the side talk to? It's embarrassing. "Hey my husband is just so into porn he cannot go even a few hours without it. He doesn't want to get intimate with me. And is willing to get fired to keep it in his sights constantly." Can't even find articles to help the spouse that has to deal with it. Porn addiction is a joke to people who don't know and they're spouses are just "controlling" because everyone watches porn. And that's the end of that. Incredibly heartbreaking and frustrating. How alone can a person get with what's destroying them from the inside...

You don't ever accept that behavior

My boyfriend of over a year once told me that he "could go month's without sex but not a week without porn". Not sure when he finds the time to work in viewing porn, but just recently he told me that "its your fault i feel weird watching it now". Which is just a super shitty selfish way of putting things. Its always some excuse for him: his neck hurts, his back hurts, hes tired, etc etc. I took his not so subtle hints to start working out, especially when i made the choice to work out. I'll throw on lingerie. Idfk. But i can wager good money that if our dudes caught us pleasuring ourselves to hot guys in porn, they would start to think "hmmmm maybe this isnt that good?" Dont settle, ladies. Even if you married the dude he can always change his ways if youre brave enough to challenge his perceptions

Does this count if you’re partner didn’t come to you? Lied time and time again about massage parlours etc? My husband lies and gives half truths when I catch him out.. thats what hurts me most.

Most men won’t come to the partner - my husband does not want help - he has intimacy anorexia now and I’m getting help because he does reject me - he’s always saying I’m not good enough if my hair is up you should wear it down, I’ve lost 30lbs and instead of him saying you look good he’s like now work out and firm everything up I look at what he searches and it’s all tiny and teen and nothing that compares to me

Our healing is separate and our job, yes. But are you implying that he doesn’t need to take responsibility for the hurt he causes with his addiction? This is super over-simplified and, regardless of whether or not your intention- you’re making it sound like it’s okay for a partner to continue doing things that hurt the other because he’s in his lane and I’m in mine? The basis of her advice is the most basic obvious thing I’ve ever heard and offered ZERO actual help for the victims in these situations.

Ladies, have a talk with your partner about porn BEFORE getting married. Its okay to learn how to be self sufficient without having to live with a spouse who gave his wedding vows, then abandoned them many times. If you're already married, I am so sorry for the betrayal. Its unfair to be faithful, when the other is routinely not. It's okay to say "I am enough for me" and leave the marriage. I wish someone had told me that years ago.

1 TIMOTHY 3:4 He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of tull respect.

The reason why so many people disagree with the video is because (its my observation) Jolene is coming from a different place compared to (perhaps most) women with corn addicted husbands. Jolene might believe there is nothing wrong with corn itself, so if something hot happens that doesnt lead husband to watch corn, she claims "my feelings are my responsibility, he is not doing anything wrong". Most women say that there is something wrong with corn, thus truly dont want husbands to lust after other women, and that's why they feel a certain way if something hot happens. In this situation, yes the feelings are her responsibility, but they come about from her deep values not being aligned with that action. In this case, no your healing is not independent from what your husband does.

I have to disagree too. Mine didn’t tell me mine became emotionally unavailable to me. Sex life suffered. He was done before I started. He lied to me and has cheated on me and when I found out about his porn addiction he told me “if you did it more often I wouldn’t have to find it elsewhere. So yeah there’s that

The feelings are the body's NATURAL GOD GIVEN RESPONSE to this ABUSE- Telling us to DO SOMETHING. This is classic 12 step lane crap. When you are married, you are in THE SAME CAR, not seperate lanes.

No. I think he knows I was already hurt and insecure. I never think he made me this way. I think instead of him helping me he's harming me worse.

Don’t bother. Lock Down your bank account, std tested and RUN!!!!!!!!

I've been addicted for decades, I stop for a while, then start again. Have hurt my wife for decades with this addiction... I believe I have finally kicked it.

What if porn is interfering with your sex life? I agree with you but if he chooses porn over you how do you change that

How do you overcome the lies and munipulations he uses

Porn abusers enact horrific emotional, psychological, and even financial abuse on their wives and families. The porn addict is uncoupled from ethics, values, honesty, turns away from true intimacy, appreciation, and emotional resilience. Also, the porn addict is financing and supporting a highly exploitative industry. Not to mention porn addictions can often escalate into the real world. None of this has anything to do with staying in one's lane. What you are describing above is rug sweeping and minimization of abused and victimized wives. This is not ok. You overcome your husband's addiction by leaving him and saving yourself if he does not go into full recovery.

This is bypassing, not healing.

This is nonsense. We had an amazing relationship before his porn watching got out of control. His actions effected my feeling. So ladies, don't believe a word.

Divorce is the only solution. He will never stop watching porn unless you throw away the computer.

Lmfaoo.. so his addiction CAUSED you to feel all of these emotions.. but yet somehow those emotions have nothing to do w him..? Tell me your whipped w out telling me your whipped

I am better then my husband, he got the problem.. to bad for him lol

Take things positively .

Ladies who care and dont want to lose the relationship will try to fix it. Its just in our female nature. But dudes who dont want to be fixed? They see nothing wrong with it.

Look up Dr. Trish Leigh. She's amazing and gives great insights into porn addiction

This video is the biggest lye I've ever heard. I've been through it and done 5years of research...

No offense but if a man needs porn so much then you aren’t doing it for him. Just leave him. Don’t be so dependent on men. Guess what, everyone is replaceable male or female.

I need help with greif after my husband's sudden death and he wasn't with me he was at work and had just been sexual with a prostitute. She was last to see him alive. I never got to say goodbye and now I have all these mixed feeling and greif. Help

My thoughts , is FEAR, and the fear creates the feelings, fear of the viewing of porn turns into following people on face book to joining dating sites, to chatting that forms a emotional affair that leads to a physical affair, that leads to being scammed of all our money and savings , that leads to bills not being paid that leads to house payments not being paid, that leads to being homeless , divorced and alone, , , so now I understand in myself why I have a problem with him watching porn, is because of fear, how to work through this emotion and Eliminate the fear,

Thanks for preparing this material. It´s helpful!

Your view is okey, but I would like what would be good for my partner too..., quitting would improve his quality of life as well as mine.

Why doesn't anybody address how the woman in porn are sometimes trafficked and what about the studies involving grey mass and the brain? Also, Getting off on people who have been molested or assaulted and haven't realized that they are worth more than their sexual being is just weird .

How should I overcome my wifes sex toys?

Best advice leave him,he broke

This is NOT a good video!!! I agree with taking control of yourself however you cannot just act like nothing is happening there!!!!

Who butchered her?

Making no sense at all. Backward AF. Actions speak louder than words. If he is looking at other women, he is over you ladies.

You're very attractive. Can't understand why your husband would look at or want other women when he has a beautiful, smart woman in his life.

The source of women’s problems with their partners’ porn addictions is their own insecurities. Porn is completely separate from desire towards wives. Desire for porn has NOTHING to do with desire for intimacy from wives.

So wrong 😢

He's only been dead 16 days

That haircut though... hard to take you seriously...

Porn isn't cheating. If you dont want your husband watching it, maybe try appreciating him, and be physical with him more than once a week or month. Some of my friends only sleep with their wives once every few months.

This porn addiction stuff is just people ignoring the fact that humans really really really enjoy sex and just becuase you're married that doesn't change lol Become swingers or become single. The end lol

Why don't you just join in? Many do!

Wi-Fi’s wrong with your hair cut 😮