This guy is so good at talking, holy shit just listening to him talk makes me feel better.

How to recover after an argument: Have a disagreement and snap back after it quickly is so powerful. - What to do when you wanna move on but are stuck. Get vulnerable. Open up. Ask for support and appeal for help. Giving them guidance and a roadmap for what you need. Being a great teammate, making them a partner in overcoming this situation.

I have no idea how I stumbled upon this EXACTLY when I needed to. There must be a force in the universe that showed me this video. I also feel very angry at someone but common sense tell s me that I shouldn't be that angry (maybe less angry lol). But I FEEL very angry and really want to be alone to sort through it but there isn't much to sort through... frustrating when emotions and common sense disagree.

There's strength in being vulnerable and open. Especially when your admitting what your irritated about is a bit ridiculous. We all have these moments, and it's great to be able to ask for some help.

Love the personal touch, authenticity of emotions and passion in this video. I almost felt like I was in your place at that time. Most importantly, the message of being a team is so beautiful. We almost always forget to be partners when we're upset. It is our responsibility to communicate, help the other understand and give them the opportunity to make it better or right. 😊 Better to fight FOR each other not WITH each other.

this is my problem right now. i will never recover from this argument but i am confused because somehow i still like him but a part of me wants to be alone. i want to breakup but i want him to still be there as well.

My ex would get angry with me for similar things and then he would shut down and literally would walk off not wanting to solve the issue for hours or sometimes even days. These times were torturing me. I did not know what to do. Then we would get together and he would act as if nothing had happened so the issue got never really solved and stuff like that was just piling up. This was my first longer relationship and I learned so much from it. Somehow at the back of my head I knew it was not right but he just never wanted to talk about it after therefore I felt like I was overreacting. Now I know better thanks to this relationship and of course you, Matt :)

I like it when you share personal stories you should tell them more often.

Her recovery time = 5 minutes. My recovery time = 5 hours. There's no attempt at apology or resolution and I'm still pissed.

When I said: "please help me get through this feeling", he will say: "I want to help you, but you don't want to listen to me, how can I help?". then we will end up in the stupid 2nd round arguing on each other.

I know exactly how he means. It hurts, I feel like I’m the only one that ends up crying in the end, thinking about things over and over and just can’t get over it. I didn’t get what was wrong with me. I’m glad he said exactly how I feel right now. This helped, it’s hard being vulnerable tho.

I agree with asking for help when you are struggling for the right thing to say or do, but sometimes the other person feels put upon to provide a solution for your problems, and they want you to do the work. I' ve done this with my wife, and she usually responds with "why do I have to find all the solutions? Can't you work this out and help me?" That's a hard spot to be in for both of you. Best to think of what to do, then take a chance when you can't, just can't , come up with anything. Keep helping others, Matthew, you're doing great!

I saw this video a long time ago…the words stuck in my memory. Yesterday my boyfriend, Nick took me to see the new spider man movie. We had a disagreement before the movie started and I was triggered. Because of this video….I found myself coming back from disconnected anger and allowed myself to be gentle, softer, more emotional to emotionally return back to him.

... Kintsugi is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold. Overcoming an argument the way Matthew suggests is kind of like relationship Kintsugi...

I need to remember that... "I don't want it to bother me but it still does. Please help me get over it" I'm sure that'll help me through some stupid feelings I have sometimes, cause he tends to overthink and feel bad a lot when something between us bothers me

This is great advice. My husband and I had a big fight and we handled it as best we could. We are better now but Will definitely have this too moving forward. I know my husband will appreciate it. Thanks buddy

I had an argument yesterday with my fiancé .. I wish I knew this information before .thank you matthew . You always say what I want to know

So this is where Harry Potter has been through his adulthood

Oh man, this hits home. Great tip on how to make someone a teammate and not alienate them. Gracias!

ive cried every single day for a week straight, i miss him so much man he wont go back to normal after paragraphs of apologies and me crying in front of him, i dont even wanna live anymore im just getting by day by day, barely.

I actually have tried this many times with my spouse before I watched this video. It just led to more arguments...he can't wrap his head around vulnerability. I'll keep trying.

Matthew, can you give advice on long distance relationship?

So many of us needed to hear this.

You need to give People and Yourself Space after an Argument in My Experience!, Even if I am around People who I Sense have had an Earlier Argument I will Leave them alone if I pick up or Sense any Static/Atmosphere!, People need Cooling down time & Pick the right Moment to maybe Discuss calmly what happened to try & Resolve and move Forward!.

This happens so often in relationships. Thanks for this, I will for sure use it.

It unfortunately doesn't always work. Sometimes our partner might just say; "You have to get over it on your own."

So crazy that people just arguing in the comments 😂😂😂

I love this! This beautiful. This is how to be a real partner....this is being honest and open with love. Thank you. ❤

But we want to know how it ended! 😅 What did she say eventually to soothe you? Did she manage to make you feel better? Cause sometimes you open up to people but they are unable to say anything at all and that sucks even more than being angry in the first place..!

Oh boy that is so true, if they say sorry and you still can't get over what they said to you.. Because they hurt so deep!!

omg I just realized that guys can be sensitive....maybe I was too harsh in the past

How does this work if you're both angry at each other and your partner does not want to help you get over it?

i can recover quickly after an argument, My boyfriend doesn't! so I can feel really upset and unsure if we will recover or not! I do always tell him what i'm struggling with so I already do the team mate thing ...

Its a big window from petty reasons to serious reason arguments.

Appeal to them (!) Tell them that you want them to help you (!) Thank you again!

Great message, I think that that is a problem I have . After the conflict I withdraw, and need skills for how to get over a conflict, and wisdom to know what is salvageable

This does make sense! We often shut down after an argument and expect the other person to be out saviour (partner), when they don't have a clue to help us.

What if your boyfriend told you he felt rejected after you were short in your replies, and you sent a paragraph of your feelings and the reason you were being short and afterwards he replied okay and you didn’t talk for a day.

What this guy is saying that his recovery time is correct and hers is wrong. That may have been because he lashed out and relieved his frustration and he feels better as a result. He gave his negativity to someone else and is blaming her for not recovering on his schedule. No help, This is just a story about how he's right and she's wrong.

Ugh if our partners would just see working through pain and conflict is so romantic and attractive in the end … just try and say something nice when someone is hurt or upset. It can change so much around when you finally don’t get defensive

Your video on this particular topic couldn't have come at a better time. Thanks Mathew (:

I feel terrible to tell my partner that he needs to say sorry, i was waiting for him to come for almost 2 hrs (i knew it wasnt his mistake cause he had some trouble at work). But honestly I still cant get over it now it's been 2 days i am staying cold. All i need him to do is to at least feel sorry but he never does. In this situation, what shld i do? Tell someone to say "sorry" doesnt feel right

That happened to me today, but we could pass the moment and still have a wonderful evening

I wish this could be applicable to my case, but it's hard to solve an issue, with someone who thinks they're always - ALWAYS - right. When someone can't overcome their NEED to be right all the time - it is impossible to close the argument and learn something from it. Any suggestion in that department? How to deal with a difficult partner ?

This is brilliant advice. Thanks Matthew.

Omg you are genius Mattew! Ur videos are always so helpful

But....like how do they help? If both of us don't know? If I don't know how to get over it, how will they?

That’s all well and good and you tell them what you need and they don’t help you get through it even with all of the tools

I don't know where to ask for this but i really really really need you to teach us in a video how to stop apologizing for ourselves..like what you can say whilst being on a date when the question comes what you do for a living and you're not proud of what you're doing (at the moment, but it's just something you have to do for now) .. I, myself - i'm a Danish 23 year old girl who's kinda "behind in school" everyone i know of same age is going to university.. but i'm a songwriter and i've achieved a good amount of recognition and succes in the industry, still i'm not a known songwriter so when people ask me ,,what do you do?" i tell them i am a musician, proudly! - but when they ask me ,,so what do you study?" i have to say that i study at a "productionschool" which is known for housing young people who didn't get the highest scores in school, and so i feel like apologizing and it's making me so sad everytime people ask me especially now that i am on a lot of tinderdates.. i just feel like i apologize too much but i am fucking proud of what i've done so far musically, but no one asks me THAT question. how can i stop myself from apologizing cause fact is i am not proud of being on that school because of "where i should be", i'm attending the school only for the money i get for being there (yes we get paid for attending school when we're above the age of 18) ... even in this comment i am apologizing, i know! i just need to tools to make me stop!

I have but he shuts down any way leaving me sad and vulnerable for atleast another day because I feel my emotions aren’t important.

And what if your spouse then gets angry with you, because you didnt ask nicely, but, you didnt think/realize it came across as not nice, just factual. And then you ask them how would that sound, what is an example of what I could say that would make it sound nice for them? So that I can say it that way. And theyre like, I dont know how that sounds, just nice.... FML I feel like I have a really big problem and asking my spouse for help and he KNOWS that im barely keeping it together because of my problems and he still chooses to get angry with me because I didnt say something in a certain way to him.. Give me a break, dont kick me when Im down man. Thanks for letting me rant and thanks for your videos.

This is the best advice I revieved. Thanks Matt.

Beautiful! That one right here was pretty good advice, thank you man:) I am very easy to recover, very fast but sometime other person does not help because he is being agree too long and I am lost, you are wise man, and you know you are;)

Really great advice !!!!!!! I never looked at an arguement as an opportunity to actually build more of a partnership and a better relationship. Thanks!

You are the best Matthew.. Can't stop watching

You have all rights to feel angry about that naked photo, what matters is how to deal afterward.

This is so relevant, omg.

Great advice again.Thank you 😊

What if you give guidance but he still says he doesn't know what to do and tries to make you feel less worthy because of this?

My partner when we argue no mater what always brings up the past and during the arguement kicks me out and my mom lives in the in law apartment and now even tho mom done thing she kicks us both out every arguemet

What did your ex do to help you in that moment? I like this idea of asking for help, but not sure it works so smoothly in practice, especially when two partners are both angry during an discussion / argument.

yes yes! finally... see you understand Metthew.. Ohhh god you are really a love relationship god.. 👑

Is this irrational? I don't know, but I was depressed when I realized my person sent me photos they'd sent to someone else previously. We talked; every date, idea & gift was the exact same thing they did for every previous girl they dated. It just broke me that they couldn't even try to treat me like an individual. I can't bring someone to where I took my ex because we had a 7 yr relationship & it just reminds me of that person & brings me down. The ex of 7 yrs also brings people to that place often; I have to work with them still & they love to overshare. I probably have a lot of things to work through & have a hard time conveying things, but I just wanted to know if anyone else felt the same way about the photo recycling.

never be afraid to say what's on your mind you can't go wrong and the person CANT misunderstand you cuz u point blank told them. don't know if my current relationship will work out long term but when it comes to minor disagreements I'm picking up that he doesn't like heated debates or misunderstandings, he gets over sensitive about it. unless it genuinely hurts his feelings I could care less about that tbh my take is there is a problem here dont pretend there isn't we r going to f*king talk about it okay?. he's not used to this it's my first serious relationship so I've been by myself for a very long time. but when it came to one specific disagreement he got annoyed and I got hurt. I told him clearly if he's gonna verbally attack me then stop what I'm doing go to another room and calm down before u talk u can't make me feel like that not ever and the same goes for me. it has served it's purpose so far resolving things:) just be yourself and don't be afraid to voice your feelings as cliche as it sounds it's also I feel going through a bit of a transformation cuz I'm not really one for much romance and dates and having someone help me out with my problems or giving advice it's just not how I function and it's embarrassing for me. this balance is hard I'll admit I'm certainly not there yet but this is why I think people say space is important and being able to take care of your own life not have someone else do it for you

The single emoji response is the worst . For example "🤨" "😐" or "🤔" after you've practically texted an essay.

Just today I had an argument with this guy I've been dating for 2 months. We havent seen each other in about a month due to vacation and he asked me time and place to be to get together today. And I asked him if he was going to come pick me up and he said no! to go to the bar and we'll meet there. Like whaaaat?!?!? He said he couldnt come pick me up he explained, and I told him to pick me up an hour later since at that time he can and he goes "I don't get you?" I'm so pissed, you asked me out you come pick me up -____-

How to know, if you need space or you need to be vulnerable? 🤔 When someone gets angry or gets into argument, many suggest you to give space such that a person can calm down. So I'm confused, if being vulnerable is something that needs to be done, instead of giving space.

Thank you so much. I am trying this with my boyfriend right now. It works like miracle. it was scary though to say this to him.

Life is too short? Really?

I'm in this situation right now.

This is great advice. What do you do if you're the person on the other end who's gotten over the fight and your mate is still angry. Instead of taking his alone time to get through his anger, he's thought himself into an even angrier place. How do you get through to someone like that? It takes hours and even a day for my boyfriend to actually get over a fight.

Matt, what should a woman do in an argument when she opens up and asks for help, but a guy says that what you are feeling is WRONG and you should "just get over it"?

I needed this and it helped tremendously !

This is GOLD!!!! Thank you!

I just want to thank you for your beautiful advice

ah this reminds me of the time i felt really really sad and talked to my friend about it. He tried to help but i still felt rlly sad and nothing he did was really working and instead of him helping me out he pressured me. He was asking repetitively (probably even sarcastically) how he could help and in the end we both got frustrated and fed up. It really sucked. I wish I knew what would have helped me back then, sometimes you just dont know why you feel things much especially when its sadness.

so basically it’s not you against me, but us against the problem

Wow your words made me feel better, thank you

Had an argument with my SO. Just feel kind of weird, without like any sort of exactly negative or positive feelings. I just want it to be done so we can keep living.

This is great advice. Thank you

This was really good, Matthew!! Never thought of this but damnn was it crucial. Now what if I'm the one at lost on how to "get him" back after an argument and he just wouldn't give me a roadmap on how to help him be okay again? My man has not been the same ever since. This whole corona thing isn't even helping. He chats me again but you'd see it's far different than how he used to. He also often leaves me on seen which he doesn't do before the argument

This has helped me so much. Thank you 😌

We have been dating for 4 years and having a terrible fight right now. He is out of town and just straight up ignoring my texts and calls and I completely melted down over it. so - now its silence. and i dont know what to do- i feel helpless.

Had a huge argument today with my boyfriends best friend. But I'm in school so I guess it doesn't matter as much. But its the first time something as scary like that has happened to me where everyone seemed to be attacking me. I tried to ask what I had done but I soon realized that there was nothing I could say to fix it. Its possibly been one of the worst days of my life and I know its going to get harder as I bet older. So yay...

Super energy Great job

Um, I think here is necessary to make a distintion. One thing is that there might be issues you need to work as a couple, that need more talking. And other different thing is that people might need a different amout of time to cool down after a fight. In my case, my boyfriend cools down very quickly, but I need more time. I need a time to be by myself, and relax. And then, I can come back and talk about what bothers me in a constructive way, more rational and less emotional. Otherwise, it would be like "Dear, I want you to help me to deal the fact that at this moment I want to throw you all the books in the shelf, including the dictionaries". I don't think that would be a good idea.

I am fine, I give time and then I am done but, I still want to see you and need to be with you and doesn't feel right without you. 😔

I so love this guy!!!

Thank you it works! Thank you for saving me!

AWESOME tip!!! Thanks, Matthew!!! :-)

What if someone is upset at you after an argument when you’ve gotten over it and it makes you feel bad because you feel like they hate you

Fantastic video

You’re so awesome dude✌️

Well damn I already reacted the completely wrong way and didn’t all my partner to try to understand where I was coming from when she didn’t know. So now she’s been distant for a couple days

oh thank you so much. I had a big fight with my boyfriend yesterday and I want to fix things. this might work :):):):)

What if he knows he did wrong but keeps telling you to just “let it go” but it still upsets you & him saying that constantly makes you feel like he still isn’t getting what upset you

Omg I love this!

Thank you so much that helped a lot

i know my question isn't about partners. its about my mom , i've completely shutdown from her, i have explained my feelings clearly several 10 times , and i explained that we need to work on them n nothing , i feel completely alienated in my own home, n i don't know to deal with her

Going through this right now. Going to try it tonigh. :)