How to STOP Approval Seeking | A Monk's Perspective

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Күн бұрын

How to STOP Approval Seeking | A Monk's Perspective
A common issue that many people struggle with is regarding the need to seek approval from external sources. We do this through praise and validation. In this video, I wanted to share my perspective and give you some practical tips of how you can cultivate an internal system by validating yourself. I find that this takes practice, but it's well worth it in the long haul. I hope this is helpful. Enjoy! #monks #buddhism #mentalhealth
Timestamp
0:00 Intro
5:14 What if you still get attached?
8:10 Any good journal prompts?
10:03 Anything else on this topic?
13:12 How do you personally not attach?
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Пікірлер: 305

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

Is seeking praise, validation or external approval an issue for you currently?

@kemageorge2194 Жыл бұрын

Unfortunately, yes.

@photovincent Жыл бұрын

Most helpful was saying that dependency on praise also makes you vulnerable to criticism. I will think about that!

@artfuldodger7838 Жыл бұрын

I have problems accepting it. Typical artsy type, I see the mistakes. I've had to learn to see my own value, and external approval doesn't much matter to me. I've learned to say thank you for it, but it still makes me uncomfortable. I do what I do because I am who I am. I don't look for external approval.

@lukemckean6155 Жыл бұрын

Yes

@sadieveronica7188 Жыл бұрын

It has been an issue for a long time, going back to childhood. I valued other people’s assessment of me more than my own. It’s a very difficult way to live. This talk is valuable as I continue to work with it. Thank you!

@rebornmmmmuch Жыл бұрын

I love how you always say “it’s ok”. There’s no pressure on us. The feeling of not rushing on everything is very soothing❤

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

Thank you my friend 😊😊😊

@Lamakunphel Жыл бұрын

kzfaq.info/get/bejne/aNeIertltNu9Z6M.html

@JennaOnTheBeach Жыл бұрын

Totally! I love that too. So cool. 🙏🏾

@NallahBrown Жыл бұрын

Honestly 🌷

@Themystergamerr 7 ай бұрын

I also love his midsentence chuckles ❤

@kitten8249 Жыл бұрын

I love the part about how seeking validation takes attention from the work. It’s interesting to think about how much energy we put into having others approve of us, instead it’s more useful to focus on what you have to offer regardless of praise.

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

Yessss! It’s definitely takes a lot of our time for sure 😊

@daynaparadis9219 Жыл бұрын

"I don't have time to be a leaf". I will remember that!

@sergio93940 2 ай бұрын

ME TOO

@AmeliaConway 9 ай бұрын

i dont find you boring at all, i love that you talk calmly and softly - alot of the modern popular KZfaqrs are so intense, feels like they are shouting at you, and in every sentence trying to be so clever and witty and funny, its exhausting to watch

@nickkeomahavong01 9 ай бұрын

Thank you so much for your kind words 😊😊😊

@JP-ve7or 2 ай бұрын

So, so agree!

@amanr6346 Жыл бұрын

Hi Nick, I’m retraining as a Psychotherapist at present, and I return to your videos and rewatch them to remind me ultimately of what everything we do is all about. This issue of external validation is so pervasive from young age through to adult life, unfortunately it goes hand in hand with sadness and feeling unfulfilled for many. The concept of intention as you discuss is so crucial! Best wishes 🙏😀

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much my friend and congratulations with your training. Keep up the great work out there 😊😊

@noemarie8 Жыл бұрын

thank you for your work !! here in canada becoming a psychotherapist requires a lot of physics and maths studies and that’s not my forte but i hope to help people heal in other ways regardless !

@c.cabanilla8963 Жыл бұрын

Helping those in crisis is an honorable work! Keep it up

@charleenhaynes3057 Жыл бұрын

You are so right, self validation is less risky. People can be negative and hurtful and removing yourself from that can difficult. Deep down l think you know when you have done a good job but it is nice to be told so long as it is done with good intention 🙏🏻❤

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much 😊

@vivianwalsh1098 Жыл бұрын

I admire your wisdom and sharing your thoughts so I can learn from you. I'm 71 yrs. I want to finish the story I started in my 30's. It's an ongoing memoir that may entertain while helping others. I'm having some Dementia showing up and I want to finish my book. This will help. Grateful 🙏❣️

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

Oh wonderful Vivian! Yes keep going. It will be a great gift to the world 😊

@Easy-English-Hi-fi-Confidence Жыл бұрын

I love how you say "Good evening everyone ". I also say like yours

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

😆😆 thank you my friend

@yuleydicruz7252 Жыл бұрын

We also look for validation from our partner or spouse . I am currently single after dating for two and half years and the hardest part is that I still look for his approval. I know I can do well on my own, just to have to find myself again . Be alone and be okay ❤

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

Yes that’s normal. Just take time to observe yourself neutrally 😊 be kind and patient with yourself

@Lamakunphel Жыл бұрын

How to live in the present time By lama kunphel kzfaq.info/get/bejne/bdBmhtp2rp-zmGQ.html

@carladirden Жыл бұрын

Shadow work helps a lot especially after a break up. Use tapping too. Helps to bring you back to yourself...and quickly.

@mjkasey20 Жыл бұрын

When you stated that to seek approval from the outside is to put power outside of yourself it was refreshing to hear. Thank you, Venerable Nick 💜

@jacquelineireland2273 Жыл бұрын

Those who find you boring are seeking the wrong things. Fortunately you have developed yourself to let those comments roll off you like water on a duck. Know that you are appreciated and accepted by many. Peace and love to you.

@WendyKroy70 Жыл бұрын

Thank you for this valuable guidance Venerable Nick 🙏 From a young age, our brains were coded for approval seeking either by well-intended parents who were also raised suffering under this attachment or by mono-type dysfunctional education systems. We need to get awareness and free our minds. Thanks for showing us the way to be happier.

@dannymeske3821 9 ай бұрын

Your not boring at all, and you talk at the right speed Ven. Nick! May peace always be with you

@nickkeomahavong01 9 ай бұрын

Thank you so much Danny 😊

@coolbreeze5683 Ай бұрын

I think we centre a lot of things in society that are outside of ourselves. Centering and seeking approval from those with money, from those with some sort of "power", from a romantic partner, etc. takes a lot away from us. It takes a lot of practice to dismantle what we've been conditioned to do throughout our entire lives but the practice is worth it. I just started watching your videos and they're all amazing. Thanks so much for your knowledge 🙏

@ZengHuaXiansheng Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much Nick! I definitely have this problem, probably because many things that I did as a little kid weren’t regarded as good enough. Seems this video is one of the greatest tutorials on how to get self confidence. And you’re totally right, it’s always a chase without an end. I just realised that many of the things I thought I’d do for others I even don’t actually do for them, instead it’s like trying to stuff a black hole inside myself using the wrong material. I think that if I really want to help others I first have to develop the right material inside myself to stuff that black hole.

@distaff2935 Жыл бұрын

"Please like, share, and subscribe." Actually, now that I think about it, I can't remember you ever ending your videos that way. But, when I remember to, I press the Like button. Thank you for all the good content!

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

😊😊

@quinnandfinnadventures9143 7 ай бұрын

I find your videos very soothing, never boring. I can't believe someone would actually say that. Just know that you are helpful to so many people.

@rileyreeves2961 8 ай бұрын

My new response to any insult. "I don't have time to be a leaf."

@nickkeomahavong01 8 ай бұрын

Hahaha! Yes very true 😊

@AlotusNine Жыл бұрын

Another great video Nick🙏Thank you for your serene presence and bringing peace to my mind once again.

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

It’s my pleasure. Thank you so much my friend 😊

@bobc4d 9 ай бұрын

I really like your talks, they come form the heart and resonate with me. myself, I do not like praise or recognition for doing my job, I do not require it to feel validated. I know I did my best and got the task completed.

@nickkeomahavong01 9 ай бұрын

thank you so much :)

@matttheman9740 Жыл бұрын

When you used a book as an example at the start.. I immediately went "😲" lol! I'm in the process of writing out a story for a graphic novel I plan to make. And I'm not gonna lie, I kinda started it because I do want some validation from my family. Feeling like I'm behind on everything Is bringing me down, this graphic novel is gonna be the hardest thing I've ever tried. I really love the process of creating but sometimes I get so consumed by the obsession of being validated they I forget my passions. Anyways, this made me realize that I am putting my energy into things for the wrong reasons. I do feel a little sad that I'm not where my family probably expects me to be, but I feel like if I just can enjoy what I'm doing, then I can accept myself for where I am and make better progress. Thanks for your wisdom 😊😊

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

You’re welcome Matt and yes that’s normal. Dealing with family pressure is not easy; however, just take the time to reconnect with the pure intentions 😊

@rollandjoeseph Жыл бұрын

This is a great topic, as in today's world people online constantly need validation ( I did this or that, what do you guys think of this etc) . It's really getting old when the format is setup like this ( ie: "likes" ) . This is one reason why I want to "unlike" a bunch of pages that I follow as everyone asks for validation.

@marianneeckertjensen4723 Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much! Yes, and there is always going to be childish people who praise you one day, and feel disgustes two weeks later. 😊👃

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

😊😊 thank you

@obsieheissen 9 ай бұрын

i got enlightened by the sound of the caterpillar gnawing on the mic, thanks !

@nickkeomahavong01 9 ай бұрын

😆😆

@sakadachum Жыл бұрын

🙏🙏🙏 I have been blessed yet again to watch your videos

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

Sadhu sadhu! Thank you so much 😊 hope you are doing well!

@anamisidro8453 Жыл бұрын

Thank you 🙏 validation from others could be very toxic. It really freezes you in the moment you have to decide, to plan or even to dream.

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

Yes definitely! Thank you so much 😊

@joankennedy1148 Жыл бұрын

Thank you for this Nick. Self awareness and self efficacy is a useful tool. Intention as you say is key. I believe keeping my ego in check and responding in a neutral way to comments maintains integrity. This lesson is very timely for me Nick. Thank you.

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

Wonderful Joan! Thank you so much 😊

@bennnyyastremski Жыл бұрын

People with low esteem need validation to try to pull themselves up a little more from that darkness. I found being a foreman when I see workers doing a good job. I tell them that they are doing great. By giving them a little validation, they do even better work.

@rochellearellano7135 Жыл бұрын

The comment that the less you are seeking validation means you can put the effort into doing or making whatever you are doing or making to the very best of your ability was very helpful.

@SundayBoy72 10 ай бұрын

Revision lesson today. 27/7.23. Thank you teacher.

@nickkeomahavong01 10 ай бұрын

Wonderful 😊

@Akina_Nikka2315 2 ай бұрын

This video has helped me a lot about the subject because I´ve been seeking validation from my narcissistic mother my whole life...thank you so much ❣

@KAEmmons Жыл бұрын

Profoundly blessed by the wisdom you share Venerable Nick. 🙏💗🌻 Blessings and peace to you. Namaste.

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much my friend 😊

@alyssacortijo2235 11 ай бұрын

I love your teachings💗 Thank you so much for your precious gift of knowledge. You don't know how much this is helping me. God bless you and your family always 🙏

@nickkeomahavong01 11 ай бұрын

You are so welcome 😊 I’m glad it’s helpful.

@c.cabanilla8963 Жыл бұрын

Recently I have been focused on improving my meditation and the view point of looking at life with objective lenses.

@herrweiss2580 Жыл бұрын

I concur. Subjectivity is never good. ❤

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

Oh wonderful! Please keep it up 😊😊

@reni6771 Жыл бұрын

Honestly this really helps me! I always feel like I don't matter if no one else cares about my life. You are so sweet and full of kindness thank you for this wisdom i will cherish the moments I spend watching ❤ namaste 🙏

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

Oh wonderful! I’m glad it’s helpful 😊😊

@user-yc3em3rl1f 2 ай бұрын

I got alot from this teaching and it made me realise how mcuh ive been seeking validation at work and how that has affected my productivity and presence , , Thankyou for sharing this( NON Boring) Wisdom :)

@nicky_bee Жыл бұрын

You are so not boring! 😆 Coolest monk I know.

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

😆😆😆 thank you so much my friend!

@lauraromeroescarcega3079 Жыл бұрын

Always a pleasure to listen to you I love your laughter specially when you said people tell you you are boring 😅 it is so refreshing to see your reaction 😊 wish you well, thank you 🙏🏼

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

😆😆😆 thank you so much Laura

@jimmykeys9784 11 ай бұрын

You do an excellent job sharing your perspective and It helps me to calm down and put things in a better perspective for me to move forward. Thank you!

@nickkeomahavong01 11 ай бұрын

Awww thank you so much my friend. That’s very kind of you and I’m glad it’s helpful 😊😊😊

@annlaing8714 Жыл бұрын

You really inspire me to take a step back and think about things to take a look at myself and see how I’m doing in my life. To use your wisdom to really be honest with myself and my motivations. I thank you for this as it helps me to be the person I wish to be. L ways love and light to you ❤️🙏🏻

@lenengquist592 Жыл бұрын

Interesting timing for a video like this. I definitely needed. Also at 14:17 I love how you laugh at the examples your giving for people who dislike what you do. It just really shows that I shouldn't take offense to something that's not my problem.

@mnznita Жыл бұрын

I have recently started working on my self validation and this video was so helpful! I forget how much mindfulness helps me tune in w better choices for myself

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

Wonderful! I’m glad it was helpful 😊😊

@Bonora11 Жыл бұрын

This is gold!

@shilparamgopal1221 Жыл бұрын

Such a treat to listen to your wisdom. Thank you, as always.

@katehenry6666 8 ай бұрын

I like how you can laugh. It's a small moment of joy you share with us. Thanks🙏

@nickkeomahavong01 8 ай бұрын

😆😆 Thank you so much 😊

@rochellearellano7135 Жыл бұрын

Thank you. I found this helpful!

@batman5383 Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for these videos! There are many individuals in this beautiful world that are lost in their thoughts, and people like you help bring them to the light!

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

You are so welcome! 😊☺️ thank you

@SundayBoy72 Жыл бұрын

Yes. I often tell my customer that praise is not necessary. If I do good it’s because I like to give my best. And if on the street you recognise me, give a smile or thumbs up. I know I do well. I just hope you have a fruitful experience and I can help you. Your words resonate so much. Thanks Nick. ✌️❤️

@lynnettecapozio7327 6 ай бұрын

hahaha "you are so boring" made me laugh. I have watched your videos for most of my day and I do not find you boring at all :)

@tj3954 9 ай бұрын

I love your statement "I don't have time to be a leaf." 😄

@nickkeomahavong01 9 ай бұрын

😆😆 thank you so much

@margarettownsley9500 Жыл бұрын

Thank you Nick I so appreciate your wisdom I’m learning a lot from you

@Lentzkhan-yf1zk 5 ай бұрын

hi nick u make things so simple.u give us a choices,if it work for u used and if it do not its ok. i like that about u ,u are so humble in my opinion,i don't have to meditate,when i listen to your lectures it automatically relaxes me. tbank u

@kellitasmith8490 Жыл бұрын

I LOVE AND ADORE YOU!!!! YOU ARE ABLESSING IN MY LIFE🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

@sofiadiazlalova277 Жыл бұрын

This video really helped me, thank you brother Nick

@jimmypaguila7256 Жыл бұрын

Thank you so muck, Nick! Your voice made me calm to the pressure of socity. 💚

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

You're so welcome! Glad it was helpful 😊😊

@Nightsedge444 3 ай бұрын

Absulutelly amaizing thank you

@swagsavior7 Жыл бұрын

needed this!

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

Wonderful 😊😊

@rebeccarussell1358 Жыл бұрын

Just when I needed to hear your words, there you were. You were tremendously helpful during my struggle. Thank you.

@tracys4673 Жыл бұрын

I enjoy your videos.

@josel.casanova5405 Жыл бұрын

Thank you Nick, much appreciated 🙏🏻

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

My pleasure! Thank you Jose 😊

@AngDevigne Жыл бұрын

Thank you for creating and sharing this, Ven. Nick. 🙏 🙇‍♀️ I've struggled with external validation for as long as I can remember, and you made the solutions sound so simple and achievable. Specifically loved the journal prompts. With time and effort, I'm confident this approach will work. All the love for you!

@mia92baer Жыл бұрын

True words. Thank you

@TheAnnieApplePie Жыл бұрын

Nick, you are such a blessing! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! You mix mindfulness and practice of spiritual principles with stories that also make me laugh, help me stay alert, and discover my own path of actually "practicing" and improving my inner/outer world. Peace.

@mridulaism Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much, Nick

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

You’re welcome ☺️

@filmmaker5457 11 ай бұрын

Thank you for being here for us, Venerable Nick. Im working on a feature script that involves Buddhism and I'm studying a lot. Your channel is incredibly helpful. I've also been practicing meditation every day for the past 3 months. Thank you.

@nickkeomahavong01 11 ай бұрын

Wonderful my friend! I’m glad it’s helpful. Keep up the great work 😊

@filmmaker5457 11 ай бұрын

@@nickkeomahavong01 🙏

@SundayBoy72 Жыл бұрын

Thank you Nick. I have watch and re watch and binge watch. Every time I get a new understanding. From listening to understanding to comprehending to internalising to gaining the wisdom… thank you again for sharing.

@catd3685 Жыл бұрын

Thank you 🙏🏽 that was very helpful ❤😊

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

You’re welcome my friend 😊

@heidigone Жыл бұрын

I'm always so happy to see your videos. You have helped me so much! Thank-you!

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

Aww thank you so much Heidi 😊😊

@allenperdue7723 Жыл бұрын

Thank you very much indeed!

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

You're very welcome Allen. Thank you 😊

@senflyer- Жыл бұрын

This is an issue I struggle with a lot. Thank you for explaining it and giving possible guideposts to use for self validation.

@susyahamed2906 Жыл бұрын

Thanks for all your hard work

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

My pleasure! Thank you 😊

@nyalimuir4103 Жыл бұрын

Nick thank you 🙏 I treasure your wisdom and gifts.

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much my friend 😊

@JenSujey Жыл бұрын

This is such great advice and a good reminder. Thank you Venerable Nick.

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much. I’m glad it resonates 😊

@nonexistenty4152 Жыл бұрын

Best video ever! I am SO SO SO following this! I did the best I could in every moment of my life, I noticed!

@patriciafransisca5351 10 ай бұрын

Thank you Nick 🙏🏻

@nickkeomahavong01 10 ай бұрын

You’re welcome ☺️

@cassvanessa5 Жыл бұрын

It serves me, so much. Thank you 🙏😊

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

You're welcome 😊

@amaliaruja8947 Жыл бұрын

Thank you!🙏❤

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

You’re welcome ☺️

@joannahao925 Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for the video. Need this so bad right now.

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

You're so welcome! Glad it was helpful 😊😊

@consuelomarquez5173 Жыл бұрын

Thank you! As an artist, writer and teacher this is the most helpful! Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

@consuelociabattini5539 Жыл бұрын

Thank you very much. Your videos are very helpful and I am grateful to your work 🙏

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

You are very welcome. Thank you so much consuelo 😊😊

@nicolesage1344 Жыл бұрын

Thank you for putting out these helpful videos! You have definitely made an impact on my life and I really appreciate your work.

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

Aww thank you so much Nicole 😊😊😊

@KimberlyJelitza Жыл бұрын

Thank you Nick❤

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

You’re welcome ☺️

@hughp00 Жыл бұрын

Great video Nick. I understand how if I heap praise on what you are doing, your goal remains to simply keep the main thing the main thing. So simple and clear. Stay safe my friend!

@lukemckean6155 Жыл бұрын

As Lay Buddhists, we can hold ourselves up against the five precepts. How are we doing? Be gentle about it though. If we break one just remind ourselves to try and do better next time. Love and peace to all 🙏🏻❤️💎

@genevieverouet1340 Жыл бұрын

One more powerful video. Thank you Ven. Kind of : Demand much from yourself, little from others...

@gabrielacruceanu9922 8 ай бұрын

Great topic! Thank you 🙏

@nickkeomahavong01 8 ай бұрын

You are so welcome!

@myrahochreutener2040 Жыл бұрын

Thank you deeply. All the best to you and your sanga. Love from Switzerland

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

Same to you! Thanks Myra 😊

@sabrinas2181 Жыл бұрын

Hands down this is my favorite YT channel. Such valuable information & perspective.

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

Aww thank you so much for your kind words Sabrina 😊😊

@starrsteele1340 Жыл бұрын

Love how you speak; nice and clear. Thank you for sharing your wisdom God bless

@SardarSardar-el5ox Жыл бұрын

I really liked your videos.They are so helpful for me .

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much 😊

@susannegerber7360 Жыл бұрын

Yes, it is as you said.Thank you for displaying it so clearly. i would even say there are situations when the artefact that you create and share has a voice of itself and the creator is in service. Interesting subject!

@erinpetersen7824 Жыл бұрын

Thank you 😊

@pauladini7237 Жыл бұрын

Thank you Nick, have recently started watching your videos and yes, have really found them helpful including this one. 🙏❤️

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

You are so welcome! Glad it’s helpful 😊😊

@pauladini7237 Жыл бұрын

😊😊

@lieselotte521 Жыл бұрын

I can learn a lot from your wisdom and modesty that comes with it. You are far from boring to me , and I need information presented to me in a slow way to be able to process it . I think your tips are very useful for me , especially the " Why am I doing it " . Thank you ! 🔶️

@paulamarsden-robbins4981 Жыл бұрын

Thank you for this tool of wisdom Venerable Nick, helping me so much in my experience and you are definetly not boring!

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

You're so welcome! Glad it was helpful 😊😊 and thank you

@robertwilson822 Жыл бұрын

I started a new job recently. Catching myself about the validation stuff at times... When I don't look for external validation and just do my job and I know I did the best I could do, that's a way better place to be... I'm more calm and grounded then. This video is a great reminder thank you

@nickkeomahavong01 Жыл бұрын

Wonderful Robert! That’s so great to hear. Keep it up 😊