How to Tell the Hard Truth to Someone You Love
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Күн бұрынOn today’s show, we hear about:
A mother worried about telling her son he’s the product of sexual assault
A woman concerned her mom can’t afford a monetary gift
A woman wondering how to help her sister cope with Parkinson’s
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The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel paralyzed, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well-and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
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@eetoved1758 10 ай бұрын
What kind of screwed up world do we live in where a rapist is allowed any parental rights? God help us..
@rheinhartsilvento2576 2 ай бұрын
In the same world where any woman can potentially call any man a rapist. For revenge. For manipulation. For control. For whatever.
@gregtomo 11 күн бұрын
Actually there was a court hearing on this rape allegation and the man was dismissed of all charges. So what does that tell you? Is it really the woman making up a story? I'm just speculating of course, but it is a real possibility that this is all made up and that she didn't like the guy for whatever reason and made up the rape allegation and the rest as we heard on the video.
@adamlambboy8332 9 күн бұрын
@@gregtomoperhaps but if she’s calling in about advice for this situation we’re not going to play devil’s advocate. She’s believed until proven otherwise.
@carriet5772 10 ай бұрын
Terrible advice to first caller, you think a rapist should possibly have part custody of a child born due to the rape. Tell child when he is 18. She will no way get in legal trouble, ridiculous.
@susanjean3114 10 ай бұрын
I would not want my child near a rapist... even if it is his biological father. What happens if he demands visitation? This will just further traumatize his victim and potentially put the child in harms way.
@user-gn4by2kr7f 5 ай бұрын
I am stuck sharing custody with Predator. It's been living hell. This was risky advice, in my opinion. Either way, it's a mess, and it's not that Dr. D is wrong. Legally, there are no good options. It's the laws that need to change. I will be forever heartbroken. My experience with the military and civilian sides, the system is failing protective parents everywhere. We're simply being forced to assimilate. It's wrong.
@user-gn4by2kr7f 5 ай бұрын
I am stuck sharing custody with a Predator. It's been living hell. This was risky advice, in my opinion. Either way, it's a mess, and it's not that Dr. D is wrong. Legally, there are no good options. It's the laws that need to change. I will be forever heartbroken. My experience with the military and civilian sides, the system is failing protective parents everywhere. We're simply being forced to assimilate. It's wrong.
@Trish-lamour 5 ай бұрын
Exactly
@latashaepps1060 2 ай бұрын
This sucks
@lorraineyork4259 14 күн бұрын
I would tell him I didn't know who his dad is , I got drunk and I can't remember
@minziwinzi2554 10 ай бұрын
I would not allow a rapist near my child. Invite him to access your life- absolutely not. There are limits to what can be expected of a mother
@hopebell2659 10 ай бұрын
If she did not list him on birth certificate, then there is no legal paper trail to this horrible man. As an adult he won’t be forced by the courts to have custody with the rapist. Do not notify the rapist. This coming from a domestic violent mother, who has to send her young children to their abusive father who has continued to abuse his step-children in front of my children and DHHS won’t do anything to protect them. The courts will not protect your children. Do not tell the dad, protect your son at all cost
@sackettfamily4685 10 ай бұрын
I feel like she would have said if he wasn't on the birth certificate. But maybe not...
@sarahalderman3126 10 ай бұрын
Exactly.
@mimimonster 10 ай бұрын
I think the right thing here is to reach out to an attorney. If it gets back to this guy one day that they have a kid… it’s a huge risk. And the kid can find out on his own with 23 and me and then it’s a whole other rabbit hole.
@thelastminmom5251 3 ай бұрын
@@mimimonsteri agree
@sarahalderman3126 10 ай бұрын
Screw that. This man raped her and got away with it, obviously. No way I would be putting my child at risk by informing the RAPIST that he has a son.
@Feliciations 10 ай бұрын
She could potentially get into trouble. She needs to go to an attorney and make sure her ducks are in a row.
@MicheleHerrmann 10 ай бұрын
I can understand John's answer but I recommend she learns about the related laws in her state and seek legal counsel.
@mystiquevening 10 ай бұрын
How traumatizing… to let the rapist know there is a child…
@gwendolynstanfield2653 10 ай бұрын
Yeah... he got this wrong, legally and morally. Unless it's Minnesota
@pejisan 2 ай бұрын
maybe in Texas
@Qwackdawack 13 күн бұрын
I'd rather move and keep it quiet
@AgiGraycie 3 ай бұрын
There is something really fucking wrong with the law when a rapist has the right to be around children. Even if that child is his own .
@nathaliebasile6168 3 ай бұрын
Dr John … your answer takes into account the father’s right ????? I can understand the boy’s right … but what about the mom’s … being deeply violated … I would not want to be around any man who violated me … never mind possibly sharing custody of my most precious …. Your perspective is deeply rooted in a world I do not want to be part of … where offender have rights ??? To perpetuate the offense …. Every time she will see him again, she is going to relieve the offense. That was the most fucked up rationalization I ever heard ! My ❤ goes 100% to the mom !!!
@jenniferdouglas1740 2 ай бұрын
He's right though. Same with DV, the father still has a right to the child and most likely custody will be 50/50. The system sucks at protecting women and children.
@evilkitty1994 5 ай бұрын
This is horrendous advice. It brings a predator into their lives that can get custody. A rapist doesn't have a child. They forced a victim to either abort or have a child. This counselor should know better. He must have seen abusers get time with children and now mom can do nothing but follow legal orders to hand child over to a rapist.
@kristaw2686 10 ай бұрын
I love delony but he's wrong. The rapist does not need to know the child exists. Period.
@flashthecorgi2053 10 ай бұрын
He’s not wrong it’s going to be more harm if the son finds out on top of this awful situation his mother lied to him. Also, it’s already been recorded with the military and she signed paperwork saying he’s absentee which is illegal because technically it’s a lie. I fully understand why she did it but I think John is looking at the future of her relationship with her son!
@AnthonyMcNeil 10 ай бұрын
@@flashthecorgi2053He is. Her relationship with her son is more important. This is a tough decision and if the lie is continued it will only hurt her son even more.
@kathigratton2286 2 ай бұрын
Totally agree with you Keep it short and sweet for when they’re young and I think it’s older. If you have more questions, you could tell him what happened when he’s able to understand. And I will get into therapy And if my son wants an adult, would like to go try to find his father that’s on him, but until then that man is nowhere near me or my children He does not have a right because his kid had no right to take anything from that woman and damn you think he has a right to a child that was made out of
@cathyosullivan718 10 ай бұрын
I can’t believe a man could rape a woman and still have access to her child. Sometimes abusive men will try to impregnate a woman so she can’t leave. This is just an extension of this.
@cathyosullivan718 10 ай бұрын
That’s definitely unacceptable but this man raped her.
@Westernkoala 10 ай бұрын
He doesn't know about the child so I don't think impregnating to keep a woman around is the case here.
@robertaturk 10 ай бұрын
The military authorities did not agree that it was rape - they fluffed it - so her claim that she was raped has no baring. He squirmed out of being held accountable for the tape. A double bad character. A Common situation in the military.
@tinam761 10 ай бұрын
@@robertaturkit’s terrible to be r-worded period… in the military getting justice seems worse.
@shimmeringchimps3842 10 ай бұрын
Unfortunately in most states, rapists have a right to custody, even if the rape was acknowledged in court, they still have the right to custody and/or visitation.
@ez2u1 10 ай бұрын
Well you are wrong here John no rapist has the right to know his child… a mothers first job is to protect and take care of her child.. when this man grows up in a healthy family and he is upset because mom protected him but he has a solid family background.. He can make better decisions. Don’t put children in dysfunctioning relationships.. these man has step over the line when he RAPE her…his mind isn’t right..
@hansendesigns 4 ай бұрын
Why would she want her kid near a rapist, it’s awful
@aliparker3 10 ай бұрын
First caller: go with your gut and do not do this own your own! The only state in the nation where rapists retain parental rights is Minnesota. You got this. ❤
@Feliciations 10 ай бұрын
It is military, and he wasn't convicted. John is 100% right that she could get herself into legal trouble here, and she needs to contact an attorney.
@evilkitty1994 5 ай бұрын
@WBD905 I'd rather get into legal trouble than to hand my child over to a rapist. Put me in jail. Fine. But it is downright child neglect to hand over your child to a rapist on a platter. As there is no conviction the father will get legal rights. The law is wrong. Go with logic.
@Dbb27 10 ай бұрын
My brother passed from Parkinson’s. He refused to talk about his upcoming death. I had to get an attorney to come to the hospital to sign a will. My mother and I ended up at odds as to his funeral and burial. She allowed an open casket which I know my brother would have abhorred. PLEASE everyone, sick or not, do a will. Let your family and friends know what you want at your funeral/death. I had such a mess on my hands with my narcissistic (diagnosed) mother. His funeral became a display for her to perform.
@gwendolynstanfield2653 10 ай бұрын
Dr. Delony, you got that first caller WAY wrong. I am so dissappointed in you. The law in almost all states do not require a rape victim to have a continuing relationship with her rapist because that rape resulted in a child. In those states, parental rights for rapists can be terminated without the need for a conviction. Minnesota being the exception
@flashthecorgi2053 10 ай бұрын
It’s the problem of him not being charged that could get her in trouble. John clearly told her to go consult with an attorney… no reason to be disappointed in John! He did the best he could with the info he has!
@gwendolynstanfield2653 10 ай бұрын
@@flashthecorgi2053 him being charged is not required in any of the states.
@flashthecorgi2053 10 ай бұрын
@@gwendolynstanfield2653 well technically she lied straight to the state by signing papers he was absentee so yes, it for sure could get her in trouble. John gave her the best advice go call an attorney! (21:41 ) I just feel so bad for this woman and hope that she doesn’t have to let this guy in!
@misshairpassionista8378 2 ай бұрын
@@flashthecorgi2053 I agree to this. John is not giving everything with finality that’s why mother needs to talk to a good lawyer and counselor. I think he also is protecting mother and child by mother not losing custody, which is worse.
@hansendesigns 4 ай бұрын
Contacting bio-rapist is like poking a stick at a snake. The br could say the mom is a liar and sue for custody just to be an ass.
@annstewart8506 10 ай бұрын
Omg! This poor woman! I would feel she has the right to protect her child from the creep who took advantageous of her. Inform the child when they are at a mature age to process. So very sad.
@LifeBetweenTheDash 2 ай бұрын
And that age isn't 12 or 13.
@cascabeles1 10 ай бұрын
First time I totally disagree. Why would a mother even entertain the idea of a sexual predator being around the kid? Just me but no. They would have no rights to the child. I would tell the child they can attempt a relatiinahip when they are grown if they wish but not on my watch.
@indiasurgeon1487 2 ай бұрын
I also had a child with my ex who abused me in DV and sexually. He’s kept me in court since 2019 costing me $20k. Don’t have the dmn baby or do not tell your abuser or THEY WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL!!! It’s sick obsession and pure controlling tactics.
@timothysturgess5985 10 ай бұрын
I'm really surprised, that the conversation turned into defending the aggressor. " hey you were assaulted, but hey ya never know, the man who rap*d you, might be a good dad!" ya, he'll be a great example of how a man should be. if I had been the one in her situation, I would have hung up. I bet she never asks or reaches out for help after being advised that a rap*ist could be a good dad. men who do that will only use the child as a reason to terrorize his victim.
@thirdintegra 10 ай бұрын
That is not at all how the conversation went. Slow down with the drama.
@megalopolis2015 10 ай бұрын
I was taken by surprise with this advice, too. If the father assaults the mother, that, to me, is an automatic relinquishing of paternal rights. I wish it reflected that in all legal jurisdictions, too. I was especially shocked that Dr. John didn't recommend seeing a lawyer immediately, one for criminal action, and the other for custody.
@amyhull754 10 ай бұрын
That bothered me tremendously as well.
@sylvestercoffee7212 10 ай бұрын
Exactly what I was thinking!!
@mora945 10 ай бұрын
I think what was l said was the man was found not guilty in the military court. The lady who called will not be able to hide this from their child and if the new husband want to adopt they will have to let the father know and in order to protect the caller its best she gets ahead of this and inform him to better protect herself Heartbreaking si
@nikk3251 21 күн бұрын
DELONEY ! Utterly shocking advice. And all of it so disempowering to the victim, the mom. And such disregard of her trauma. He sounds like a sperm donor not a "dad". If he "wants to be the best dad that ever exosted" how about starting by confessing to the military .. ! Love to this mom and her son 💜
@AnyaEightySeven 10 ай бұрын
There's no law that requires a mother to inform the father about a child's birth. She can double check with a lawyer.
@Dbb27 10 ай бұрын
She’s talking about her SO adopting her son. The father probably has to be notified and if she pretends she doesn’t know who it is the father might be able to legally come after her. Every state is different and has different laws.
@AnyaEightySeven 10 ай бұрын
@Dbb27 Maybe so. However John made several points about her needing to tell the father before she brought even up the adoption. Such as the father sitting near her at a school play, or taking legal action for denying time with his son.
@AnyaEightySeven 10 ай бұрын
@bav192 Nope she has no obligation to tell him legally. Google it.
@elladeon 10 ай бұрын
@@bav192 No, rapists do not have the right to see the product of the rape. Even if he wanted to challenge custody, in Texas, violence is absolutely justification for completely losing access to your child.
@aliparker3 10 ай бұрын
@@bav192not in NC
@heathergessling1106 21 күн бұрын
Why in the world would she ever allow that man back in her life? Dr. Delony usually nails it but this did not seem like the right answer.
@andreyataylor4633 10 ай бұрын
Dr. Delony, your show has helped so much. Im terminally ill and currently struggling with how to have tough conversations with family. Your books and videos help deal with the anxiety of it all
@kandace45 10 ай бұрын
❤
@tinam761 10 ай бұрын
I’m so sorry… I recently lost my father and a chaplain shred with me some things to bring up when saying goodbye. I love you. What I love most about you… Thank you. What I will always remember… a special memory … what I will miss most about you … I’m sorry. Please forgive me … is there something you need to hear from me… I forgive you… My father died from cancer and the gift of a death you know is coming is getting to say goodbye. I’m so sorry… I pray 🙏🏼 you are able to make peace in your close relationships in a way that brings you peace.
@andreyataylor4633 10 ай бұрын
@@tinam761 sorry to hear about your dad. I May have worded that incorrectly. Tough conversations in the context of me wanting to end treatment and they are not supportive of that.
@k.l.massie8702 11 күн бұрын
Totally disagree. That guy doesn't deserve to know anything about this child.
@joygarrett8397 10 ай бұрын
I will add that my father financially helped me a few times . . Always with major strings Attatched! First with my first car in college . . He dictated size/engine size/ brand & had to be new . . & he Did Not want me taking out a car loan!(even tho that would have helped build credit). Oh yes I paid him back, but ended up with more of an expensive (& size of) car than I wanted . . . Do as I said or he would disown me & tell all my relatives how ungrateful I am when “he’s just trying to help”!! Same thing when I was a single parent of 2 young children (kids dad had a medical brain injury & ended up in LT care permanently) & looking to buy a small house for us; helped with down payment (again I paid that back) but dictated size/specifics etc etc. Never again!!!! The even bigger kicker?? He told all the relatives about how much he helped & NEVER told them I paid the $$ back!! Yes I was greatful for the help but it came at a steep price! Btw I am 65 now . . .
@megalopolis2015 10 ай бұрын
This was the worst episode Dr. John has ever done. I'm so disappointed. A huge emphasis needed to be placed on contacting criminal and custody attorneys to see what the next steps would be. Certainly guilting the mom into contacting her rapist is one of the worst things I've ever heard. Any person who assaults the other parent automatically forfeits their parental rights. The law needs to reflect this. The safety of the child and mother here are paramount. It seems as though the military is backing this loser to save face. Hard to say. But, considering the fact that the caller isn't married to the "stepfather" yet, the alleged rapist appeared to be exonerated in military court, and the child doesn't know about this guy, and is too young to understand the complexity of his parentage, all of this mess needs to be brought up to the lawyers, as well as a child psychologist, so that the truth can be revealed in age appropriate ways. The caller seemed skeptical and extremely reluctant to directly contact the man who hurt her, and I can't blame her at all. You did okay with the second caller, and were your usual amazing self with the sister. But you dropped the big ball with the survivor and her child. I hope you have her information so you can make this right.
@flashthecorgi2053 10 ай бұрын
I don’t think John wants her to reach out directly he said several times to contact legal and ask! Delony is looking out for this woman but he also has to acknowledge the reality of the law and how harmful if she lies to her child could be especially if he takes a DNA test, finds his father and then legal gets involved because she lied and said he was absentee. I’m not disappointed in John he did the best he could with this call it’s just a hard situation. Praying for this woman and her son… it’s just an awful situation!😢
@Feliciations 10 ай бұрын
No, that is incorrect. John actually gave good advice here. Rapists can and have been given custody of their "children". I was assaulted by my former spouse and the court gave him visitation (in California). So the best course of action is for her to contact an attorney.
@megalopolis2015 10 ай бұрын
@@Feliciations Contacting at attorney was mentioned by him, but not emphasized.
@megalopolis2015 10 ай бұрын
@@flashthecorgi2053 He shouldn't have mentioned her contacting him in any way, and only suggested at attorney. I listened very closely to him, as well as the caller's response. It was not a good exchange.
@flashthecorgi2053 10 ай бұрын
@@megalopolis2015 I didn’t see anywhere where he said to actually have her contact him without an attorney present the last sentence of the call 21:41 “I would consult a friend who’s an attorney and tell them everything” to me that’s putting emphasis on it!
@csleung444 3 ай бұрын
First caller! Please read top comments! Seek legal counsel. Not saying Dr John is wrong but I dont want him to be right. Id like to think this man has no rights.
@amberslilrose3954 11 сағат бұрын
Jenny, I would never mention it to that man or anyone else outside of your immediate family. I would be vague but HONEST with my son at an age-appropriate level as he grows up. I would never take a chance that a monster could become involved with my child! Tell your son the truth! What happened to you and WHY you chose what you did. Tell your son that you struggled with what is the “right” thing and that this is where your intuition led you. ❤Good luck, mama!
@singlemomlife2261 9 ай бұрын
Nope he handled that so way wrong
@melissazabower339 10 ай бұрын
Third caller breaks my heart. So sorry.
@phyllis9750 2 ай бұрын
Sorry John. Wrong. I do think she needs a lawyer. You do not want this animal back in your life. When your son is old enough, you can explain.
@robinharris4247 10 ай бұрын
He is so right. The truth will come out eventually and the last thing you would want is for your child to look at you and say you lied to me my whole life I hate you. He would think his whole world is a lie. Not to mention the toll it will take on you to maintain a lie and the worry that one day it will come out.
@tinam761 10 ай бұрын
Oh Christina … your heart comes through so strong. How you responded to Dr.John … knowing your mission … what a gift to your sister to stand in the gap and help get things in order. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 prayers for you all as you walk through this … and hoping husband can get in mission mode along with you to help your sister in her last days however many there are. Wow … just wow … you’re a good sister… the best … ❤
@mimimonster 10 ай бұрын
My brother has been raising his wife’s son since he was 6 months old. My nephew was the product of a one night stand that I always had the feeling wasn’t the most friendly encounter, knew he had a child (he had impregnated many women around the same time including his live in girlfriend). My brother had an attorney send him papers to sign to adopt him years after marrying his wife. The bio father, who had chosen to only see him once and never be in his life, then said “oh, well what if I don’t want to sign it?” The attorney said “the We’ll come after you for back child support.” He signed them. This man ended up passing away shortly after anyway. Point is, considering how this child was conceived, the father should know and be presented with a legal way to get out of her mess he created and give the real father in this situation the opportunity to adopt your son. (A good attorney will threaten criminal or legal action outside of the military). Then no secrets come out later and your son can learn the truth in full when the time is appropriate and he can grasp what rape means. Obviously, a 4 yr old cannot.
@lindapage5749 10 ай бұрын
I wet gas c we etc Is e
@Menckenperson 10 ай бұрын
Thank you for putting the show’s topics back in the video description
@eetoved1758 10 ай бұрын
Yes yes yes
@potluck712 10 ай бұрын
I wish there were a system that protects women who were assaulted and children that are conceived from it. That father has no right to see or know about that baby. However, I can see how so many woman who hate the guy or don’t want to deal with him seeing the child, would use that card if a system was set up to ban rapists from knowing about their children. If you can rape someone you have no bounds to what you might do to a child
@tinarollings8719 10 күн бұрын
I told my daughter "This is your chronological dad AND "This is your biological dad". She asked the definitions when she was ready for the answer. A little at a time.
@anunez3450 2 ай бұрын
I would pray noon and night about this situation because my body is screaming to protect the child. And if he calls the other guy Dad i Don't see what the problem is. A Dad is the one who is present not the one assigned at birth.
@mslindal7062 10 ай бұрын
Oh John, that was dissapointing coming from you. ( First caller )
@neaevangelina1682 4 ай бұрын
Not great advice here in my opinion. Her job now that she brought this child into the world is to protect him and give him a better life than what he comes from! Yes the truth will emerge at the proper age when she can tell him as a grown adult when he can process and decide on his own if he wants to find his biological father. I hope she does what is best for her and more importantly her innocent child.
@sommermcdaniel9723 15 күн бұрын
Exactly. She doesn't need to do any of that. If she wants to protect herself, I'm pretty sure there is a rule where you have to put the fathers name in the newspaper for 30 days. If he doesn't come to claim his child, then the courts will revoke his rights without his say so. Then what she should do is immediately have her partner adopt her child. Her child is protected and safe, and she never has to deal with that pos again.
@AuroraAbendrot-zq4ry 2 ай бұрын
He is completly wrong. The woman wanted something completly diffrent from him and he is talking her into something that can retraumatize her many times. Allowing a rapist back into her life. So wrong, i am so angry with that!!!!
@maryhatfield848 10 ай бұрын
I absolutely love your show! I binged when I first found you, lol.
@rochellelower2781 10 ай бұрын
John loves his own knowledge. That's why he is in counseling.
@nikstar1313 2 ай бұрын
Wow, I’m reading the comments quite alarmingly surprised about Dr D and his handling of this..ready to listen ❤
@tanyapatra5342 10 ай бұрын
First call where I completely disagree. No you do not want to open that can of worms. Sure don’t tell that the other guy is his dad. Tell him the truth I agree there. But do not initiate this relationship! No! To dangerous. To much on the line.
@actuallyterry 10 ай бұрын
I would definitely say I cant remember who the dad is.
@Dbb27 10 ай бұрын
There are legal implications and also you would have your kid thinking you were pretty loose.
@flashthecorgi2053 10 ай бұрын
Unfortunately, if she already signed legal paperwork claiming he was absentee she probably had to put some personal info, as well as the military knowing about it… I’m not sure you can hide that!
@alyross2850 10 ай бұрын
I get the temptation but if the kid finds out the truth one day, it would be much worse. The father apparently claims that the allegations are false so he is going to bring that up if he meets the kid, believing that the mom may have told him about the rape. Edit: and more than likely, he will meet the kid and if not him, a relative. (Stop giving these people your dna) 😊
@Westernkoala 10 ай бұрын
If someone said that I'd assume they just didn't want to tell me.
@T-CainesZR1 10 ай бұрын
Man that first call was rough. That situation is bad.. in my opinion, having a child with a rapist is a bad idea. Ppl can do what they believe, but im against that.
@user-kn2xe9sm5o 10 ай бұрын
Well, it wasn’t by choice…
@T-CainesZR1 10 ай бұрын
@user-kn2xe9sm5o the act there wasn't a choice your correct. But after that there was.. that what I'm talking about. To continue on or end it.. is the choice I'm referring to.
@T-CainesZR1 10 ай бұрын
@bav192 well that wasn't a little boy at 4 weeks. So... we got different opinions. I don't see it as fucked up. After 12 weeks.. sure, Before that I'm ok with. Because the what going on now is truly fucked up. We just got different opinions.
@arielrocks10 10 ай бұрын
@@bav192I commend her for having her baby boy, but none of that was her choice. She didn’t choose to get raped or choose to get pregnant..so I get everything happens for a reason, but she’s a victim. In the alternate choice where she didn’t want the baby, she should just feel morally obligated?
@aprilwashington96 20 күн бұрын
It just bewilders me, with all the experience, education, and credentials someone has, they can get the small details wrong that CREATES (major) problems. Somebody please tell John to stop planting the harmful seed that we are half our mom and half our dad. That’s not true biologically or physiologically and to state otherwise does severe psychological damage to us as adult children as well as when we’re adolescents. Each of us are our own separate distinct selves. We (the individual) get to decide who we are and how we want to be! We are NOT half monster because one of our parent’s are. Please stop touting that false narrative. Thank you.
@asdf4678z 2 ай бұрын
I don't think I would feel obligated to let my rapist know that he had created a child. No way in hell would I want to open that can of worms.. I would not make any attempts to make contact with this kid's biological father. If the child wants to reach out and make contact when he becomes of age that would be his decision. That man did something evil. If someone thinks rape is okay, what kind of person is that? Her job is to protect her child.
@denisec9870 10 ай бұрын
It sounds like she made a restricted report. If that is the case I would say I was going to make it unrestricted and go forward with the investigation. Chances are he will just sign the adoption papers. When your son is old enough he can choose to have a relationship with the man and you will not have to interact with him.
@juliewells8564 26 күн бұрын
I gave my daughter up for adoption when I was 16. She was told about me starting from 4 years old. I don't know how necessary it is to know he was a product of rape. But definitely start telling your son he has a different father. Illinois has very strict laws regarding father's present in a child's life. Do not wait to contact an attorney and letting the father know. My hope is, he will let your new husband adopt him
@littlepixel1650 10 ай бұрын
Rapists are NOT ALLOWED to have visitations with a child that was conceived in rape, if THEY WERE jailed and convicted.
@TMac3075 8 күн бұрын
Heck no. "I dont know who your dad is". The legal system is way too of a mess.
@elenakhamidullina9742 20 күн бұрын
Thanks
@willbird1 Күн бұрын
Speak that Ramsey gift into existence DJD!
@GarzaGirl3 10 ай бұрын
Hmm. I was also raped on the military and there was a witness who after interrogated recanted and then the Rapist was found not guilty per military authorities! I was 18 years old in Okinawa Japan. I was charge with falsifying official statement. 22 years later when I retired I was awarded a disability rating for Military Sexual Trauma based of my medical records but the legal side was covered up… I empathize with you!
@NoMoChacha 2 ай бұрын
"I'm part monster too" THIS is why my mom kept the date rape that created me from me until I had children of my own. My grandmother often raged about my mom's dad who abandoned them---& my mother grew up thinking she was 1/2 bad.
@curiositykilledkat1 2 ай бұрын
The thing is he is not wrong. The woman said she wanted to be honest with her son in an age appropriate way. I agree with Delony that the child will know. My daughter did. No matter what the circumstances of a conception the child is half their mother & half their father & the child will always always want to know the other half of them & want to know where they came from, how they came to be & why they don’t have that other half of them & in the absence of their mother’s guidance they will fill in the blanks themselves - more than likely by developing a feeling that there is something wrong with them. This is particularly an issue if the mother has feelings that the child WILL intuit. Imagine the child intuiting feelings the mother has about being raped & getting pregnant but the child has no actual sense making re this. He is so right that the truth will come out. I’ve lived through this whole thing too & completely agree with him. It’s a horrible situation to be in, really horrible but it is true about avoiding becoming a monster. The advice he gave is 100% correct IMO.
@robertaturk 10 ай бұрын
Move to a state with better terms for your situation.
@goose4284 10 ай бұрын
I’m not sure it’s a good idea to have a partner adopt. He isn’t bought in fully yet either.
@tinam761 10 ай бұрын
💯 he has not married the woman to begin with. It does make a difference. It’s not just a paper.
@maddynavarro77 10 ай бұрын
I so appreciate how much compassion and wisdom you have with people, especially this first woman. May God continue to bless you and all who are involved with your show. 🙏🏽🙏🏽
@pejisan 2 ай бұрын
She needs a lawyer, now! Now! The child is 4. The rapist might already demand custody and accuse her of hiding the kid. Therapy yes, but LEGAL support first.
@marionmoulton5847 10 ай бұрын
DNA hides no secrets.
@dianamerren1317 2 ай бұрын
My cousin went through this and soo know what I am saying, the man didn't want to be a father until she was going to be adopted. Then at the age if 13 the made my cousin have visitation with this person who she didn't know she was severely injured from this enter action . And for John to keep telling g this poor lady that because the Military who have a shot track wreck record for prosecution that she doesn't ha e a leg to stand . That is like dismissing her S.A like it dosen't matter. She ends up being S.A.ed again .
@KrysBevan 10 ай бұрын
My blood boiled listening to your advice to the woman who is trying to do everything right by her son who is the product of a violent rape. John Delony - HORRIBLE ADVICE. As someone who has walked in these very shoes, I cannot beg this woman enough to NOT LISTEN TO JOHN DELONY'S POOR ADVICE. To this woman: please, please, please - follow your gut instinct. The legal adoption by your now husband, the protecting him from a rapist, etc. Sure, these awful "23 and me" things do exist, but your job is to protect your son until he is 18 years of age. Him learning who his "sperm donor" is will only hurt him, hold him back, and guide him to find relation and connection to something so evil - it will lead him down THAT path rather than the whole, positive, strong foundation of a life you're trying to create for him. Delony - I am appalled.
@jet209- 2 ай бұрын
I AM LIVID LISTENING TO THIS NONSENSE
@KrysBevan 2 ай бұрын
@@jet209- more often than not, I appreciate Delony. But he was SO FAR OFF THE MARK here. And him not being willing to speak on that makes me doubt him.
@ph3266 13 күн бұрын
This guy is blah and sometimes makes up stories and forces them down the throats of callers
@Maria-jo6nn 5 ай бұрын
Dr John I love how you help these people.
@kathigratton2286 2 ай бұрын
Nope, I wouldn’t be telling him Talk about legal right to his child. He’s illegally rates somebody he has no rights after that far as I’m concerned. Why is it up to her? I have to go through all this other aggravation and legal forms and money to give this guy writes something he should’ve never had to begin with if he didn’t do what he did but you know what everybody has a right to do what they want to do. I’m just really really surprised by his answer. The child to be adopted I’m pretty sure the child doesn’t have his last name , I don’t see any woman that’s gonna give birth to a child and last name to a man who did that to her
@juliestoffel4822 18 күн бұрын
Normally, I agree with the doctor, and his advice is pretty sound. Keeping her child safe is a mom's most important job. Giving a rapist access to her child is not going to keep him safe. This bad advice has put a child in danger if this poor woman follows it, and it also revictimizes her, too.
@indiasurgeon1487 2 ай бұрын
I disagree. I am a product of rape. My mom moved away before I was born. I found him online when I was 26. He decided to come on to me sexually and tell me how sexy I was and what he wanted me to do to him…. So….. what do you think would’ve happened to me if I was in a shared custody plan? I thank GOD my mom kept him out of my life.
@josephmbimbi 24 күн бұрын
I understand not putting yourself in a bad legal situation but i was confused by his advice on getting contract to your r**ist about your child, the added trauma on the victim, and the possibility of harm on the child, And possibly for the rest of your life. Doing it "for the same of Truth" doesn't feel right at all
@deamon506 10 ай бұрын
Last caller that’s tough
@magdalenapichler4182 12 күн бұрын
Mater semper certa. That's all we have to know.
@tomnohmy1273 10 ай бұрын
Is Dr John on today
@roosplans 10 ай бұрын
I hope the lady still report to REGULAR civilian police, that she was r*ped and the guy who did it. And the proof is the baby! Hopefully she gets a lawyer to help her case!
@whitneypledger1659 9 ай бұрын
I like this show, he was being so fucking unfair w the first child.
@nah.-wy6fj 13 күн бұрын
I dont think they need to contact the sperm donor at all. You can be, age appropriately, open and honest with your child about their other biological parent without inviting a predator back into your life. They didn't create a child "together". Mom didn't have a choice until after the fact. The ex doesn't deserve to be in that childs life. The boy has a father already. I disagree with this advice.
@dheins57 10 ай бұрын
Big yikes John you majorly missed the mark on the first call. I think I’ll take a break from this show for a while smh
@graishawnlandry6558 5 ай бұрын
Its crazy to think that theres soldiers in the Army who are rapists. Like I know it, hell I've experienced in but to process the true gravity of it is something completely different.
@tomnohmy1273 10 ай бұрын
I focus on untruths, only tell them what they want to hear.
@whitneypledger1659 9 ай бұрын
Scary
@michellegriffith6968 2 ай бұрын
I think I might claim random sex with strangers before I would let my rapist know he potentially had access to my child! Just claim ignorance about who until your child is older and able to understand why you kept bio dad away.
@Whosonthird 24 күн бұрын
Don’t inform rapist some secrets need to be kept to protect the innocent 🤫
@evachalupa6459 20 күн бұрын
How can you advice a raped woman to expose herself (reach out) to the perpetrator and even consider letting him participate in the child's life?? I thought the number one principle of all interactions with people was the safety first one
@rainap88 18 күн бұрын
1st caller, tell your son what happened to you. Do not contact the father. If your son turns 18 and wants to find his biological father, hopefully it's to beat his ass, but you do not need to tell him the name of this man or where to find him. I agree with many of the comments, I do not support this advice. Just because John Delony says something does not mean you need to take it and run with it, and the likelihood is that your son would NOT want to go form a relationship with this guy if you tell him the truth.
@alyross2850 10 ай бұрын
Lady with the mortgage. Sounds like she needs/wants the money but something is telling her not to take it.
@BrunhildeHips 23 күн бұрын
are you crazy today John...that woman and that child do NOT have to have anything to do with the rapist...are you crazy!!!!!!!
@sandyelliott3350 26 күн бұрын
Bio dad doesn't deserve to know he has a kid
@samanthasmiles9112 2 ай бұрын
Did John just tell this woman to reach out to her r@pist and to give him the courtesy of knowing that a baby was produced during the r@pe?? Oh, John. 🤦♀️
@killercurvez 10 ай бұрын
You’re absolutely right John!! The truth always comes out! I was 12 years old when I found out I was the by product of my mother being raped by multiple men. Talk about losing your entire identity and feeling a disconnection from everything you’ve ever know. I wish that on no one! Up until a couple years ago did I know what my actual heritage/ethnicity was. Thanks to 23&me and ancestry. Although, I’m living a good life now. And I thank the Lord for my life. The resentment and heartache I felt towards my mother for allowing me to live a lie all to protect herself. (But it was to protect me, she says!) it made things so difficult for our relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I know it wasn’t my mothers choice or fault to be brutally violated but it was her choice to keep a toxic secret and allowed me to call another man my father who later spilled the beans to hurt my mom during their divorce. I hope Jenny has the bravery to hold no secrets or truth from her son. Sending my prayers to this family!
@evilkitty1994 5 ай бұрын
Would it have been better to find out which rapist was your father, inform him of your presence and then handed you over to him every Wednesday and every other weekend? Sure she should have told you the truth. But to inform the father is downright stupidity and child abuse.
@Author_I 9 ай бұрын
With caller 1, she needs to go to the police and get an attorney. Report the rape to the police and explain the initial rape report is with the military. Be honest with her child. Keep in mind he is 4 so his mind can't handle the full truth at this age. Begin with telling the child he has a different father. As he gets older, continue telling him the truth as he is grows. She should report the rape to the police.
@McGuireHypnosis 13 күн бұрын
Absolutely disagree, telling the rapist is not required, it’s dangerous and traumatizing. Protecting herself legally is good advice…. I hope she reads this and knows we stand with her
@fremmedfryd 2 ай бұрын
is there a name for the ethical branch that say it’s not right to confront someone who is hurting before you have the relationship to? Caring and beautiful, but what’s the name of the ethics?
@jet209- 2 ай бұрын
WRONG DELONY
@seanmurphy5140 10 ай бұрын
She will want to move in with them later. That is why in my opinion.
@cascabeles1 10 ай бұрын
I hate the comments here that rapists have rights to the offspring. I know it happens but it angers me that they are not , for some crazy reason seen by law as a violent, sexual preafator and should never be around the victim. Because the child becomes a victim too in this instance.
@nomadic_orthodox 10 ай бұрын
I don’t understand why Dr. D thinks a rapist should have a relationship with a child created through rape. “He maybe wants to be best dad on earth”? Excuse me, what will this guy teach his boy, how to become a rapist, how to hurt others? Biology isn’t everything, he’s not his father.
@Trackpad12 10 ай бұрын
Is for the child not for the father!!! You need to know your father.
@theemileechannel5379 10 ай бұрын
For the first caller , such a hard situation , I feel so sad, but it is best for the truth to come out. ❤ I have experience with a similar situation and my teenager is going through alot of therapy now , bc I wanted to protect her from knowing the truth but in the end I also hurt her and he's a "great dad" now. I pray for you.
@FilthyMcNasty69 2 ай бұрын
@raulrivera3833 my dad was an abusive maniac and I'm glad I never met him
@AC-jl7hb 19 күн бұрын
@@Trackpad12 No child needs a father like that
Matthew Hussey
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