This kind of more critical craft content is actually what I CRAVE from authortube. I eat this stuff up! I would be super happy to see other stuff of this type in the future -- though it doesn't need to be all books you hate. You could absolutely just loosely redraft stuff you wrote when you were younger or maybe workshop audience suggestions? Or maybe even just take something you like and explain how you'd rewrite it just for fun? I think it'd be really neat

"I expected it to be mid but it is so unpolished" is such an utter mood reading Lightlark. I'm an editor and... I do not want to believe this book saw one? Basic connotation and structure of paragraphs, plot, and character arcs had me legitimately baffled.

It almost seems like with the rules and worldbuilding that she wanted to create something tense and threatening but they were inconvenient to her and how she wanted to write the story so she just tried to find ways around them, inadvertently making these rules and the worldbuilding not make sense and not that threatening or tense at all.

Your “lazy” solution version of the story is SOOOO MUCH COOLER! Especially the ocean revealing the island that no one can leave from. And putting a sacrifice at the end to appease the God an if the God don’t like it they have to return for the next time!!! That would really explain the whole “once every 100 years” thing. It seemed like when the author was writing the book she just had a plot point and just wrote without planning it out. Which is fine if thats the way that works for you but i feel like with a story thats supposed to be so complex you have to plan it out or you’ll never catch your plot holes. Love the idea!!

i know you said t was a "lazy" solution but i love the cold uncaring deity making kings fight to the death type of beat

High level changes for me. 1. Isla doesn't have the starstick. 2. The power mixing doesn't work, you only get one. 3. Isla goal is freedom, whether it is Grim or Oro, she is willing to marry one of them if she can't find another path. 4. She is the same age as the other rulers but she doesn't remember. The whole thing with a 500 year old marrying is 18 year is already creepy, but this resolves why they want her so bad. She is an equal. 5. Oro is unable to kill himself, but he is tired of the game. He just wants to be done with it all. The 'Heart of Lightlark' is a poison to him and it can only be given to him, he can never take it.

It almost upset me how this trash heap of a book was compared to the hunger games. It’s almost laughable! the hunger games which was CATERED to younger audiences still holds up to almost all ages of readers. This book had so much potential, and i’m so sad it fell so short. I love the revisions you made, you are so talented and so pretty!❤️

Damn, this re-write is fantastic! One thing I would change about it is that Faux Isla should still be cursed. It would open too many plot holes to have her exempt from curses. BUT Wildlings only have the one curse where their lovers die. The heart eater thing is pointless and nonsensical even for this fantasy setting. So she's still affected, but it's not going to totally break her motivations for wanting to run away from it all. She'll just have to be OK with being a hermit. Celeste's betrayal could have more personal stakes. She had a thing with Grim in the past and wants to get back in his good graces, and/or helping him means he won't vote for her to be sacrificed. There's also the star/night theme. Speaking of the lings, if we're gonna have stupid names for these cultures let's get more creative with it! Wilding and Nightshade are fine I guess, but the others should be Sungleam, Dawntreader, and Moonbeam. Get rid of Starlings and Cleo, make Celeste a Moonbeam.

this reminded me of the concept I had for a rewrite where the stakes of the tournament were that the rulers do fight to the death until one is killed - the realm of the dead monarch gets the curse of the monarch who killed them in addition to their original curse. Isla in the rewrite is actually a royal guard since the wildling realm was severely affected by the last tournament and can't afford to risk another ruler dying/getting another curse your rewrite was really cool and intriguing!!

this rewrite was so entertaining to listen to!! as someone who can't plot for shit i was like 'wow i'm fr getting a crash course from lightlark fanfiction' LOLL. something that i wish we would've seen more of in lightlark was the other leaders? i LOVE big casts but if they're underexplored it makes me sad :') why add them in when they're just gonna be furniture pieces yk? i kinda think if that web of relationships was developed (since they're all stuck on the damn island/have the stressful responsibility of saving their people) the story would've been so much richer for it. just my hot take & personal bias talking 🙅‍♀ but i agree with the other points you make sm 🥰 slaying these bookish vids (and your red eyeshadow is so pretty)

i've been watching a lot of ya fantasy rewrites, so that's probably why i stumbled upon this video, and i came out a fan! i really like how calming the tone of the videos is, and the advice in this and your other videos has helped me a lot, even from how little ive seen so far. the rewrite in this video is so fun, and i feel like it really captures the potential the original missed

i appreciate that you recognize that this book SERIOUSLY needs an edit. i'm not sure what the industry is doing these days, but it doesn't seem to be assigning competent editors to authors and getting them to realize that their writing is not the be all and end all. everyone needs a second opinion, and that's okay!

11:35 - if she gets Oro to fall in love with her, she can use his power, and make up for the fact that she has no power of her own, and save the Wildling newlands

I don't usually comment, but I'm loving this video. so informative and a fun way to learn!

publish your version of Lightlark, cause it'd be funny af to see Lightlark by Lynn D. Jung be more popular than the original iteration of Lightlark

Am i the only one who wanted Aurora to succeed in her plan? Like your fiance cheats on you with ur best friend and both are talking about getting married behind your back? OHHHHH I would be hot.

Thanks for the video!!! You have a FANTASTIC editorial eye :)

Never have I subscribed so quickly! I LOVED your rewrite, I think that is such a cool skill to have to be able to reimagine a story like that. Love your vibe! Also congratulations on getting representation (yes I just watched that video but came back here to comment on this because I wanted you to know that this video is perfection)

This is such a fun idea! It was great listening to you break down how you would make it into something readable. I almost wonder if we could do something similar in the discord as an exercise? Take a universally panned book and each attempt our own rewrite of it.

I loved this video so much!! it felt so creative and actually constructive aswell. So many light lark critique videos are so negative and like super super long it’s crazy. You explained things so well and now i wish I could read your version of the book hahaha

Girlll the rewrite was SO GOOD! Now I need you to help me plot my own book 🥺 because I cannot figure anything out lol 😀👍

I would love to hear your review + rewrite of Fourth Wing. Loved the video. This is the type of content I’ve been looking for :)

I agree with the age change. Here's another reason why they should not be centuries old; having done the trails more then once would give way too much of an advantage to a ruler and it makes it even stupider that they haven't figured out how to break the curse yet. What makes more sense is if Lightlark seems to appear sort of "between generations" of rulers. Meaning, like it does in the book; every 100 years or so, but it happens to line-up in a way where the last ruler who attended has already died before the current ruler, who will have to attend, is alive/ old enough to learn directly from this predecessor. This way you've got sort of a new layer/theme of complexity, without actually creating a bunch of extra material to write; that "theme" now being how information is lost through time. It never needs to be directly focused on, though; readers would just naturally understand that's a factor with how the timing works out. By the rulers always being on the younger side, in that early stage of their reign/career, they are then all lacking in the wisdom that might otherwise make the mystery much easier to solve. The problem I have with the original book is it's difficult to understand how challenges scale versus how powerful the characters are; grounding things in real world, relatable issues like age, time, maturity, the passing down of knowledge, the loss of knowledge through time, so on and so on is easier for any reader to comprehend without needing a huge exposition dump to justify it. Fantasy stories with creative magic and original concepts are great, but interjecting real world, very personal/intimate human issues (not politics / broad marco issues) such as aging, mortality, learning, growing, so on helps to ground the narrative and make it more visceral / believable off the bat.

i would have actually liked to read your version of lightlark, it sounds fun

i enjoyed this sm and learned so much just from hearing ur revision suggestions!!! love love love

DUDE I LOVE REWRITING BAD BOOKS YOU ARE MY KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR

Really enjoyed this. Excited to have found your channel! 😀

very much agreed. I do love the idea of the plot line. I did have fun listening to it more than reading the book physically. It was better because I listened to it with my husband. When we went to read Nightbane, I couldn't remember any of the story.

SO BEAUTIFUL

Just realized Lightlark and The Fourth Wing are so generic in their genres that when I saw a video about The Fourth Wing part II, I had the plot of Lightlark in mind 😅

I gotta say I started reading the 2nd book and it is so much worse lol. I liked the 1st for some reason but the 2nd just really has me rolling my eyes a lot. I find Isla so annoying and it's relying on Isla's past memories to continue the story lmao. ALSO I AM SO SICK OF THE 500+ YEAR OLD LOVE INTEREST TROPE!! I allowed it in ACOTAR but it's so overused!!

I LOVE THISSS UR SO COOL

OOhh this was really fun to watch! My gosh you are underrated, I'm surprised that this only has a bit over 1k views. I've heard a lot about this book and it being horrible, but not really about what it is (probably because I'm not big into book tok...?) so this run down was interesting :00 ngl when i read some books i want to rewrite them too 😭too lazy to think it out that well. Also, I have a serious contender for the worst ya published book (not sure how popular it is, but on the front it brags that the author is a million book best seller?). Not read light lark tho, but "the girl who dared to think" is peak not like other girls (cuz she can think lmaoo) + terrible romance (there is an actual point in the book where the love interest promises rly important stuff for a kiss. She kisses him... and he doesn't deliver lol. The worst part is it happens TWICE) + confusing plot. It could possibly be worse... 😨also "geek girl" is a whole nother can of worms. Also, small correction, but Isla is normally pronounced "eye-la", like in island.

With how exciting the end was (two people probably injured, one dead, one person on the lamb because they tried to betry the others) it would be hilarious if the ocean god finally was like "you did it!" because the leaders were finally entertaining lolol

Well if someone told me why I betrayed and apologized I would accepted that but told him that that we aren’t friends anymore or partners

I honestly didn’t realize how bad the writing was until halfway the book (as I listen to the audiobook). I felt like the book didn’t really get the ending either, as it was confusing and the writing style felt choppy.

I love your version of Light Lark compared to the author. I read the first chapter of the book and was already to confused.

Can we have an updated video after reading book #2? 🤔🤔 I honestly was happier with the series after book 2. Would love to hear your thoughts! I loved this video so much! Thank you ❤

wait that actually sounds rlly good i'd read that book

I learned about this book in a 7 hr video by Krimson Rogue and then pirate it for this exact reason

I gave Isla a different love interest called shade he’s a half human half ghost And with Celeste I made it that Aurora took over Celeste at the start

I kinda really hope you do the sequel. 😂

For her having nightshade abilities I think her dad was a nightshade

Where can I purchase this Grim-free version of the book? 🤚😊

Is Nando the one who pissed and moaned about Black Panther being invincible in his suit, even though Iron Man is practically invincible in his suit and Hulk is just generally invincible until he snaps his fingers?

After watching this, i feel like Aster saw this vid, stole everything from it and shoved it into Nightbane without thinking of implications and contradictions to her shitstain on the page. Because istg, practically everything you said is somehow in there. The other world people are trying to escape into, more focus on Grim to justify him existing (to our disappointment and cringe), more "romance" and "politics", outside force compelling plot to happen, Grim working with Isla to find a mcguffin that would save the world or whatever

I love the book but I want to rewrite it

I know it’s not related to the book, but I want to know what’s the name of the background melody and its composer? I like it. Anyway, the Mai character's name is pronounced as ice-la. I wonder if you’ll read the next book, Nightbane.

It's just so depressing knowing how much potential this book had! It was a pretty fun premise, terrible execution.

I like your Ideas. The ending best. Maybe the god didn't want a human sacrifice but a human that sacrifice him/her/them self for someone else? I mean ceartaily the ultimate sacrifice would satisfy a god. What would I change? It's not my book. But I realy, realy want to sit Alex down and talk about worldbuilding. The heart eating thing has to go or to be explained. I did the math with one heart per wildling with 100 and 1000 and if they need a heart per week or month. The math ain't mathing even if they do eat the Starlings who die at 25 and therfore must breed like rabbits. Then we have to talk names. I mean I have no problem with obvious names but a lot of people do. And why is Isla the only one with two names? One Spanish one English? Then the Ling thing. Either all are lings or it's strange. If she has the latin based naming, most is Spanish, already why not staying with it and do the "tribe" names in pseudo latin. The Cielorian, Solarith, Lunath, Steliain... what ever those are just my instant naming Ideas. My next problems are the unequal curses. Some like the Skylings just can't fly but the Starlings all die at 25? Seems harsh on them.

youre a genius dejbdeuhd

I couldn't take the word 'starstick' seriously and reading the book went really slow for me... Although that could just be because it was an ebook, which I'm not really used to yet :) Also, I didn't finish it soooo I'm a little short on info 🤭 Honestly, even with the little amount of appearances Grim made, he was my favourite character. I kept making ridiculous notes everytime he showed up, my first one literally just being his name and I added 'Already love him'. Yeah... The rest of the book was sooooo boring to me for some reason?? Basically was just there for Grim.

The reason she has to kill the king is because wildlings are beautiful and can seduce with just a look and if she gets the king to love her, she will get all his powers. ? It said that many times

funny enough that's what happened to star wars : - )

Wow. A lot of curses.

I think you missed a few important details or key points. I haven't read the book, and while it doesn't sound like it's clear even to most people who have, other read alongs tell *me* that you can't just "not be cursed." Isla not being cursed in the actual book doesn't even make sense, especially since she manifests powers at the end. While it does sand your brain down if you have any capacity for nuance, I believe it's made pretty clear (for Lightlark anyway) that their entire population will die if their leader dies (in the centennial anyway). Personally I find this kind of crypto-fasci in its symbolism, but this also makes it clear, if it wasn't already, that everybody is cursed. Let's say instead that Isla is an imposter. Isla is a Starling. Everyone gets the powers of people they fall in love with from other kingdoms right? (When they reach Lightlark, at least.) Isla's handlers have erased most of her memories to help her focus on her mission. This has negatively affected her ability to use her powers over all, but they are confident she will be able to manifest Wildling powers when she reaches Lightlark, in order to pose as their leader, because she fell in love with the true Wildling leader (also a girl) who has gone mad, but is very much alive. They're keeping her hidden and locked away to preserve the realm. Once the curse is lifted Isla will be reunited with her true love, who will return to sanity, and Isla's memories of her will be restored. All of this is a lie. There is no "true ruler" Isla was always the one and only. Falling in love is incredibly advantagous, but they are cursed against it. When Isla was very young her people noticed an unfortunate proclivity for romantic flights of fancy. They know if she falls in love they are all doomed. However they have discovered that people who suffer significantly impaired memory are unaffected by the curse. You can't love someone if you can't remember them. However this is a closely guarded secret, because there is no known way to afflict impaired memory that isn't experimental, and more importantly, extremely dangerous for the brain. Weigh that against the welfare of an entire kingdom though... The day they feared finally comes Isla begins to fall in love, and once they've erased her memory, for the very first time, they know that it works because Isla doesn't even need to eat human hearts. It is as if she really is the girl from nowhere. This may seem as pointlessly convoluted as the book itself. So I'll breakdown the gambit very simply: As the Wildling ruler Isla must be the one to attend the Centennial. To survive the Centennial Isla must be the most powerful. To be the most powerful Isla must repeatedly fall in love. To fall in love Isla must not know her true identity as a Wildling. To conceal her identity she must have an alter-ego. Said alter-ego must be motivated to succeed on behalf of the Wildlings. By nature Isla is most easily motivated by thoughts of true love. The star stick was planted to encourage her to roam, and meet people from other lands. When she falls in love, like she does with Grim, they just wipe her memory after awhile to be safe, and so she won't get any crazy romantic ideas like "monogomy" that could tie her down to a limited power set. Telling her she is a Starling puts a starstruck lovers ticking clock on every relationship she has, making whirlwind romances more likely. It's not clear that without memories she will ever manifest powers before going insane, but it's better than the alternative of just letting that happen. As a bonus, they reason, if she is no longer cursed then perhaps if she were to die during the Centennial, while unaware of her true identity, her people would be spared as well. They train her in every other way they can under her alter-ego to give her her best chance at survival.

The only issue I had with this video was how you pronounced Isla’s name. You said it like “is-la” it’s pronounced as “eye-la”

I see all your points but i just feel like you made all of the plot twists dissapear. I do see all of the books lack but i feel like the good thing about the book was all the many many plot twists. And now Theres not even that anymore

Me every time I read a bad book 😅