Thank you for your transparency. I am so sorry for your UNNECESSARY pain as an exchange student in Japan! You are a woman of depth & character. You know WHO you are and who you ARE NOT. Don't ever change. I would be blessed to have YOU in my social circle!❤

I did an exchange in Spain but only for a measly two weeks, but it's crazy how wildly different of an experience we had. My host mother was warm, the foreigners I met were great and happy to go out and get to know others, and the general environment was one of fun, social acceptance. You can have the most beautiful location in the world, but without the right people around, it's still going to be hard to be happy. The people in our life are what makes it so special. Thanks for sharing your experience.

Why do they even bother being a host family if they're gonna do stuff like that?

jeez those discord messages reflect some of my thoughts and exchange experiences to an extent its scary. its not easy to share that. mad respect for your honesty

I watched the whole episode and I must say that I think you were already very strong and courageous at that time. I used to live in Japan and I totally understand how sometimes (even for a fellow Asian (Taiwanese) like me who look alike them and with similar cultures) can be extremely difficult to get along with local Japanese even if you speak their language. btw I think you are a very good storyteller, I thoroughly enjoyed the whole video👍😆

Thank you for the video, i m sorry for your experience. This video deserves more views.

Hello, I've stayed with host "families" 4 times, all in france. My first time i was 20 and it was 1997. My host was in fact the only positive part of the experience, as the french university system is awful and the french students were too. My host, who was a 48 year old single guy, did his best to integrate me into his social life and help me with french. It was a little odd because he was my parents' age but i didn't mind. I was also socially starved and just happy to have anyone be nice to me. My last 3 experiences were in 2023, for 2 weeks each and also in french cities. Very similar situation... Single, much older people who were supportive and very sweet. They werr again the best part of the experience. French people i met outside the homestay were completely disinterested in meeting foreigners (this is just a defining and ugly parr of french culture). Anyway, here is my real point: every one of my hosts told me i was the exception to their regular experience hosting people. They said they had little personal connection with previous guests, who are usually young and drunk and frankly iditoic or immature. I think they're doing it to make some extra money and were just pleasantly surprided to have a different type of guest, so they were very open and friendly with me. If I'd had a bad host it would have killed a large part of what made these trips worthwhile. Nothing worse than being totally uncomfortable when you go home each day.

Thanks for your honesty. My daughter (18) will be going to Japan in a year or so and is good to hear from all perspectives specially as most of what you hear is mostly “amazing”… I’m sorry that your host family failed to welcome you and hope you will have many great intercultural experiences in the future.

did an exchange semester in germany and even though i love the country, the cities and there were many pros in general, my experience was so exhausting for multiple reasons as a broke erasmus student to the point that after these 6 months i was glad it was over. not sure why im mentioning that here, your experience in japan is still something vastly different, its probably because people here share their own not-so-positive stories of a student exchange and i feel kinda guilty still whenever i hear people sharing their exchange stories being always so positive when i cant really relate

I found your story very interesting and can see you've really learned a lot about yourself and the host family and you've come to understand the dynamic that was occurring when you were there. You were so strong to stick that out! It sounds like it was very difficult. Anyone would have found that very hard and it does sound like you suffered some trauma from the experience (not surprisingly!) I do have a question, our 16 year old (very quiet) son is going to stay in Japan for one month as an exchange student. His school has arranged it and there will be other students staying there also, in different homes. Can you give me any advice to give him about how to behave with a Japanese host family? What to do, or what not to do?

May I ask what program you went with ? Im doing a homestay starting tommorow in Japan and im terrified ill have a similar experince. Your reaction to it was 100% valid. I would feel discouraged too... I hope you eere able to gain back your love for it and hopefully in the future meet people in Japan who match you. It sucks to be introduced to the country in such a way.

Wow what an experience you had in Japan, usually I only hear a life-changing good experience from foreigners so it was kind of shocking to hear that the lady made you go through the nightmare and pains. I had a similar experience in US staying at American host family home. I felt like I am outsiders (I am but...) , felt like I was always on their way and not getting included in any family event/activities, evidently my 1st host mom was doing that for money not getting to know other country's cultures which she cared less from first place. I called up my agency and having them changed to different host family after 1 month of stay , 2nd host family was great, I actually stayed there for 3 years until I graduated. It is a past , can not change it but you should have changed to different one if you had a choice. I am sorry for your horrible experience in Japan and glad that you came strong. As a Japanese , shame on her that she could not perform ”おもてなし”。She might not be a real Japanese after all........

I feel like everybody who decided to go for host families in KGU was upset. Especially you, J', and I' (you know what I mean, yeah ?). Even though being in a dorm was not funny sometimes (especially because we couldn't invite people from outside, particularly boys, even if they were family members) it was the best option for me. Your host mom was crazy. Really. Listening to your experience 3 years later reminds me how lucky I was to have K' by my side at this time (Christmas and New Year spent together (also with you ;) ), when online classes due to covid started + summer holidays) because everybody left the dorm (we were only 2 foreigners remaining with M', and she was really doing her life on her side). I was completely alone too when the second semester started (we were only 2 in my class what a joke), but thanks to K' I always had someone to talk to, also his family was so kind to me. I remember that I was completely focused on having good grades that I didn't go out often during the first semester, but I used to go out and hang out with him so much when covid started. Basically, I had someone by my side for all these important events that occurred during my stay in Japan and this is why my experience there is really precious to me. I am also glad that I had a part-time job because I could talk to people who were not linked to school, which was refreshing. BTW, going to the cinema with you to watch movies I don't know anything about the story was one of my best memories in Japan. 🥺❤

Hey. I'm going to Japan this next fall semester. And I am on the fence about staying with a host family or staying in a dorm. But I don't think I am stuck with a host family. It is the cheaper of the two options and I think it will be a good language practice option. So if I don't like my host family I could move to a dorm. I just hope that I get a good match in terms of personality.

I would have loved to go to those places with you!

Sorry to hear you didn't enjoy your time in Japan. You must remember you entered a completely different culture. If you listen to the story your host mother told you, she had a completely different set of values than you, and it doesn't make either of you bad just different. You said it yourself.

Thanks for sharing your experience. I'm surprised you lasted a whole year haha. I think it's really un-Japanese that your host family was critical of you being studious. I think you're right that the host mom just had a different set of values. I went to Fukuoka to study Japanese for 3 weeks at a language school and on the last day at the airport I ran into one of the teenage students with her host mom at the airport. I ended up talking to the host mom as we had to take a shuttle bus together and she found out I could speak Japanese and studied a lot. She then complained to me non-stop about how her exchange student didn't study Japanese while she was there in Japan (she went to class etc but didn't do any homework it seems). Total opposite of your experience. To me, anyone hosting someone from a foreign country should be very open minded, understanding, and accommodating. There's so many different kinds of people. I think sometimes you can really tell the people who have not spent time abroad themselves. If you have, then you're a lot more open minded. This also reminds me of high school. My dad studied German when he was growing up and liked to volunteer to host German exchange students. For the guys, he would kick me out of my room so they could have a proper room and bed to themselves. The girls would share my sisters room because my dad had given her the master bedroom in the house (he doted on her) and there was a lot of space. He was very considerate of the students and did everything to make sure they were comfortable etc. Of course he made sure the students ate dinner with the rest of us along with any other activities. Or at least he made the offer. Sometimes they spent time with us but also, as you can imagine, often they liked being alone too and didn't want to talk much. I did a homestay for a month with a family in France when I was in college. It wasn't terrible but I felt like they didn't like me and that took away from the experience. I basically decided if I study abroad (and I have) again, that I'd avoid a homestay. I think it can be invaluable if you get a good match but I'm just not willing to risk it. When you live by yourself it's a lot less intense of a cultural exchange experience but who wants to be stuck with a family they don't get along with?

Change title from "I regret staying with a Japanese host family" to "How I Overcame and Learned More About Values Via Host Family". :)

What's the incentive for host families? Do they get paid?

The following thing applies to each person on this planet and each country, as well. We're all different on this planet, and as well each country is different, has it's own culture and such. Due to 1 unpleasent situation/ experience that you had, doesn't mean that everyone is the same in Japan, as well in Germany or any other country. Give it another go, maybe try to apply to jobs and then move to Japan again and make the best out of your life.

I find it surprising that you decided to do a year of exchange in a country that is culturally so far from European countries without first learning about the culture of the country and trying to understand it somewhat. Unfortunately, through your speech, it does not seem that you made the effort to understand it when you stayed there and only noted that the values were different without ever trying to understand the reasons for these differences. It's too bad. Japanese culture is rich and complex, made up of customs and traditions, and judging it based on the values of its country of origin can only lead to dead ends. Your host family probably tried to bond with you, but you didn't understand it because you expected them to behave like your compatriots would. What your host mother told you about finding a husband was an important point in the women's culture of her time, but you definitely decided it was wrong based on the values of the society you grew up in, always lived without wondering why it was different in Japan. I am sorry to tell you that you have missed out on the wealth of this country because of a narrow vision of the world and a certain lack of open-mindedness. Yes, cultures are different depending on the country and even more so if the historical and cultural roots are different. I invite you to read some works on cultural differences and you will see that even geographically close countries can present major cultural differences which greatly complicate collaborations between companies in these countries. Perhaps with age you will become more tolerant and understand that it is up to you to adapt to the country you are staying in and not expect locals to behave as your relatives would. This is what I hope most for you. Kind regards.

I reached a decent level of fluency in Korean when I lived in Seoul (friendships, novels, watching TV, etc.) but some negative experiences really soured me on Korea, and as a result I lost motivation to study after I left and even though I still understand a lot, I've also lost some confidence in my speaking which used to feel pretty fast and effortless. Still, all of Korea isn't to blame for my weird go of things, right? lol. A few years later, now maybe I think it's sometimes important to separate a passion for a language from specific events, people, and places. Otherwise, you end up like we both did -- perhaps unfairly associating our language learning with something else entirely. The target language trauma effect? hah. Thanks for the video. 정말 수고했어요.

Your experience with this particular host family was NOT a case of a "clash of cultures." You just had the wrong host family. This is not the first and only KZfaq video I've seen about a bad Japanese host family. These bad experiences are the exception, not the rule. Most people I met that had the host family experience in Japan report nothing but a positive experience. From your description in the video, your college placed with this particular host family. You should notify the college and tell them about your experience so they don't place another home stay student with this family again.

Was there somewhere you could give feedback to the program ? It sounds like they aren’t the right fit for that program and shouldn’t be involved

It sounds like it was a real mismatch and your host mom had superficial values. One could imagine that the family wanted to host a foreigner as a kind of status symbol. Also, while you were really focused on learning Japanese they were perhaps hoping to learn English from you and didn’t want to help you learn Japanese. Do you think that’s true? Anyway, your English seems more or less perfect. Is there a particular reason for that?

The issue: Go to a different country and family and expect them to adapt to you, instead of the other way around. Why didn’t you get out of your room and participated instead of waiting in a closed door room for someone to come plead you to join?

You have to understand, your host family was in the same situation as you. They didn’t know anything about you or your home country. Also, it’s really hard to have a host student. We had one for two week. Because we were half Japanese family. Both my kids were half. I’m American, my wife was from Tokyo, but has been in America for 20 at this point. Both my son & daughter were preparing for college and busy with activities and their lives. So they did not want to be stuck with a shy teenager from Japan that barely spoke English. She stayed in her room mostly crying. My wife did try to take her places. But mostly she just wanted to go to Japanese markets. It was an extremely difficult two weeks for both sides. We didn’t do host family anymore. The first time i went to Japan, i discovered, its very fast paced. My 日本語 was not up to par… and i would get mentally exhausted. I could only last for a week. But i went back 10 years later for Kendo and vacation, and i enjoyed it immensely. Two factors helped: i was more mature and i started alone, & i understood the culture more and could speak & read more 日本語 . I think once you are a stronger adult, and more mature, you should take a vacation and go there on your own. You will enjoy it more. Also your opinion of the host mother because of her choices was a little too judgmental. When she was growing up, Japan had a lot patriarchal aspects in their culture. And actually, throughout the world, there are a lot of women that would prefer to be Homemakers. So for them, they must marry the right person. Anyway that’s my thought as i have experienced as a host family.

sorry say at home

I just find it silly that you wanted to be treated as part of the family. But the moment your host mum openned up to you about her past, you judged and ridiculed her. Sounds more like a YOU problem

Everyone: ohh poor you sorry they did that to you. Me living in japan: nooo you were wrong. You not the main character. You had to put yourself more into their life. Atleast they gave you food. Their life goes on you just need to adapt. Japanese culture is not for you 😂😂😂😂 you germans always think its all about you.

Seems like you built-up a fairytale experience in your head and now you're upset it didn't happen, you wanted them to automatically accept and treat you like a family member, its a rual area why did you expect ample wifi, if they went out and left you food you complained, did you ever step back and think what are you doing that could be abrasive, did you ever think you're not the center of their universe