It always gets me when people immediately assumes an adult child living with their parents were getting "free rent". I even know people in high school who were the breadwinners.

My wife and I did this for 10 years. Trust me- it absolutely wipes you out mentally, physically, and emotionally. You essentially put your life on hold to tend to the needs of your parents. No one that’s ever been in this situation can understand it. The siblings who have essentially washed their hands of it have put this guy in an impossible situation. I’m quite sure they are not volunteering to help out.

Aches and pains? Really? I am getting the impression that both his parents are irresponsible and are taking advantage of the one child whom they have not already turned against them.

I had to care-take for my father after his health suddenly deteriorated when he was only on his late 50s. I was 24 and about to graduate from college. I managed to finish school just in time. Chose to forgo a bright future of moving to NYC for work, only to move back home and care for my dad. Didn't get help from my slightly younger sibling so it was just the two of us - father and son. In the process, I came to discover how bad my father's finances were and how it nearly fell into financial ruin because of a few unresolved problems that I was never aware of. We wrestled over these issues but eventually, I managed to get him some legal help which changed everything for the better. Eventually, we found a better living situation that allowed for him to be supported with 24/7 care for veterans. This allowed me to pick up and move on with life. It took a number of years, but I was eventually able to build a career, buy a home, pay off school, and build a desirable life. But those two and a half years of supporting my dad still haunt me inside. Care taking is not for the weak. It can be very taxing on body, expensive on your finances, and distressful on your emotions. Seeing your elders suffer, sometimes at the hands of ineffective decision making can lead to feelings of disappointment because we always had higher expectations on them based on how we were raised. You find yourself becoming the parent or the more competent adult in the room. I agree 100% with Dave in that while it is an honorable thing to do in the short run, it is definitely an unsustainable lifestyle to live in the long term; our life's potential for greatness becomes less and less realized. Care-taking for family is also just flat-out financial suicide between the cost of providing for them while being not being able to elevate your own productivity. Not to mention, you miss out on the more priceless moments in life like love, marriage, travel, socializing, and so much more.

I'm actually in a similar situation myself. It's emotionally and mentally draining. I believe parents like these never thought about their future, or their children's future well enough to realize how disastrous things could turn out later on in life. Just a little bit of forethought would've helped.

I did it Myself for 18 years, and no it's not a life you want to live in. God Bless You

That's why it's so important for people to be financially independent BEFORE having kids. You don't want your kids to be your retirement fund, it's not fair to your kids because you are hindering their future and their freedom to live their own lives. You become a burden to your children and this will stunt their future successes. Edit: I noticed alot of third world cultures who expect their children to be their retirement fund and that always causes relationship issues between the family and their future spouses. I have a lot of foreign co-workers and we talk about this all the time. They are stressed out because their parents were ill prepared and now expect the kids to financially support them.

Ramsey is right on. Young ppl deserve to find love and settle down and build a family and future.

Take these people for a daily walk. That is the start of your road to freedom. I am surprised Dave didn't ask about the house, how much is owed, how much it is worth. I'd look at selling the house and getting them something smaller for them. Get your own place and check in with them daily. I am 69 and have arthritis but would never expect my son to live with me. He comes over when I let him know I need a hand with something, like pruning the apple trees.

aches and pains are not a health issue , its called getting old .

Setting yourself on fire to keep others warm.

With a $3000/month income, these parents have a better than a average social security income. He shouldn’t need to support them honestly. If he’s paying all the housing costs, then I wonder where their money is going to?

As a parent, if I am getting $3K for SS benefits monthly, I won't live with an adult kid.

I commend him for taking care of his parents. Ten to twenty years from now, the parents will be in worse shape, mentally and physically. This is what happens when parents don't have a plan, as if they don't know that they will get older. It's really selfish. Their kids are their plan.

Some nationalities expect this from their children. It's freaking sad. I couldn't imagine making my kids do this.

Parents, your children owe you NOTHING!!! My mom feels this way. “You’re going to take care of me when I’m old.” (Aka I’m allowed to be financially irresponsible and then depend on you…). My children owe me nothing. I will never put any financial responsibilities on them, it is my job to take care of myself and set them up to lead their own life.

Dave, I’m so thankful for your straight talk. It’s so easy for people who feel a strong sense of duty to end up feeling incredibly depressed and trapped under years of strain. It’s wonderful to hear your care, concern and sense. It brings such a sense of relief!

I have aches and pains and I'm in my sixties and I'm working!

My parents are immigrants and I am first generation living in Canada. My parents sacrificed their lives in raising us, providing us with shelter and everything. I dont remember them having days off, or holidays. All they did was for us siblings to have a better future. Now I am in Medical school in Canada, and my parents are in late 50s. I will support them until they die, and yes you can have a family, a job and can take care of your parents. This is my opinion.

My daughters are all independant one not married, i had both knees replaced last march and my oldest daughter came to live with me for 2 weeks, it was wonderful

A teacher and mentor once said to me: If you're not careful you'll end up 50 years old and alone with little future after your parents' die.

I think his siblings should be pitching in financially, even though they live out of town. The parents could, perhaps, go into some sort of senior living residence, with home health care assistance.

Aches and pains, what does that even mean? Sounds like she's never worked a day in her life.

This is “parent tax” where you now have to sacrifice your future for the future of others”. I got myself out of this situation and told my mom she’s on her own coz she started taking advantage of me and only loved me when money was involved, if there was no money she’d hate me and turn my brothers against me, I cut them all off this year.

Tough situation......he's a very good man for doing all that. A very good honorable man. Best thing he can do is to make lots of money. It won't be easy but he has to do what really pays around his area.

God will honor his commitment to support his family. I hope the caller does eventually get the support he needs. I have an 80 year old father who still works 60 hours work weeks because he loves to work. Mom and dad are young enough to redeem their health. Sounds more of a spiritual problem than a financial where the parents are OK to take advantage of the good son.

My mother was 39 yrs I was 21 working and giving her wat ever she needs, bcuz I thought I was obligated to do it bcuz she helped me with my son… I eventually took my son wen he was 14 to live with me.. I paid off a house for my mother took care of her house billz wen she quit her job and all…. Now I’m 35 and have another baby and I’m not able to give her the world any more… she don’t care about me any more not even the new baby bcuz she so bitter that I have another child and she can’t relax and take full advantage of me any more. Our relationship went south

Medicaid nursing homes are horrible. There are home health aides that can come in and help for a few hours to give you a break. I admire his responsibility when many people dump their parents into nursing homes.

I envision two 350 pound smokers.

I'm sort of in the same position too. Parents won't let me move out to live my own life. They expect me to stay with them forever and then they have audacity to tell me to go and start a family while living with them. Im looking at a miserable life ahead of me.

"What would be the next best step . . . ?" was his question. The elephant in the room is that his parents never planned for their future and are now taking advantage of him, and he is letting them do that.

That poor guy his parents are putting a huge burden on him with their poor financial planning. My mom takes care of my grandma, she has mobility issues but my grandpa well before he died did excellent financial planning and walked my mom through it all so now my grandmother is stable on that front and is not a burden financially to my mother just care wise

My parents planned very well and have paid into long term care. I’m am grateful for this as they get older because my sibling would not help me care for them financially if the need arose. I respect people who are in this man’s position. It’s becoming more common.

This is my exact situation. I'm the bread winner but everyone outside the situation thinks im a bum. Ive even had people have the audacity to chastise me for being jobless and living with them EVEN THOUGH I AM GAINFULLY EMPLOYED. My days off are also used to do errands for them which ruins my plans for other business ventures that put money in my pocket. Im almost in tears everynight but i cant just leave them to fend for themselves considering how ill they are. Ill try to figure it out somehow

I'm in the same boat.... if I dont help no one will.

Pray for me. I’m going through the same thing

What a good son

I don't ever wanna burden my kids this way.

This young man is a treasure. I support his loyalty. One never regrets taking care of their parents.

This guy's parents are taking his entire life. That's not a parents love, it's selfish and manipulated. Loving parents, wants what is best for their children, see them grow, succeed and have a happy, full, loving life beyond them.

My mom lives well under that amount and she is 89 in a house. I'd recommend maybe they move to FL in a trailer - would be much cheaper. Many wonderful couples live in those trailer parks year round. if mom just has "aches and pains" - that's not really needing round the clock care.

This situation is common amongst immigrants who came with nothing but the clothes on their back and weren't educated on saving for retirement :/

I'm so happy that my parents don't expect me to throw my life away to take care of them. It's important that children make a life for themselves, the same way that the parents did. And the parents that make their children feel obligated to take care of them are disgraceful

hmm, sounds like at least the mother is allergic to work... time for part time jobs!

The parents' job is supposed to raise their child to live on their own and eventually support their own family, not to take care of the parents when they're old. Parents who burden their kids with supporting them in retirement, because they did not plan ahead well enough, handicap their kids' and grandkids' futures.

They've got $3000 a month coming in? Let's delve into the housing costs and debts. Even if he's there for care, he shouldn't be on the hook for costs too.

Absolute solid wisdom from Dave.

It's nice he's helping his parents but I feel like there is details missing. They are getting a little under $3k monthly but have their kid paying their expenses? Do they have a lot of debt ? It's good the caller will be able to get out of one of his biggest debts . Seems like the caller wanted to know the next step of saving. (3-6 month emergency savings for expenses then 15% towards retirement funds). My parents are both forced retirement due to disabilities and make less SSI then the callers parents. They are very independent and wouldn't want their adult child still living with them lol. I do help them out when I can. Sometimes it's little things that will help make their life better. Most of the time they don't want to ask for any help

This makes me so glad that my parents are active have a retirement and have a home. I wish this caller well.

Great advice!!! Well done Dave.

My parents were there for me and so I will be there for them until the end. God will bless you for taking care of your parents.

What financially irresponsible parents.

He is a 31 years old. no wife no children, Raising his parents. They are selfish parents who do not allow him to live the life he is supposed to live.

Mom has aches and pains so caller pays their way 😂

During my early military years, I rented my own room from my parents. And I am grateful that they treated me as another renter in that line. Had to buy my own food also. Although the rent for all tenants included supper every day, breakfast and lunch were our own to sort out.

That’s a tough situation. My mom just moved back to help with my grandma because she has been diagnosed with dementia. All three siblings are there and it’s still a lot for them.it’s really hard to see people who raised you now unable to care for themselves. I see and understand both sides of the situation. I wish him the best.

For those of us who don’t have parents who budget or have retirement plans in place, pretty soon this will be all of us. This is some thing I told Rachel Cruz years ago on her KZfaq channel before inflation or the pandemic Isa more and more parents finance their lifestyles and what’s going to happen is that the children in their 30s and 40s will be the ones to have to take care of their parents because they leveraged their wonderful lives. I assure you there will be many many more calls like this in the future Dave.

The parents should get into assisted living and get on MA so they can get to state to pay it. This young man needs to have a life of his own he should not be giving up his own for his parents and it’s very selfish for his parents to allow this, what did they think they were going to do, did they always think that they were going to be young?

Im sorry, but I'm with the caller on this one. It's such an American way that when their parents get old just stick em in a home where they could care less about them. Yes, its hard but I did it for my parents and once they were gone I didn't feel any regret of the sacrifices I made for them, I feel at peace and happy I got to spend that time wit them. Bless anyone who goes through this because it ain't easy, but for some of us it was worth it!

"Dear Mom and Dad: Get jobs. Live within your income. I'm not your retirement plan."

I wonder what the callers question was. I don’t think he ever got to say it.

He will wake up one day when he is 50 and realize this is why he is single and lost out on his life.

Good man.

Dave ofc starts with the "so you live with free rent..." comment

At what point does he get his own life?

I NEEDED THIS! THANK YOU!!!!

Have any of you ever been in a senior home? It's worse than death. His parents can consider themselves to be very lucky to have him. Cause that's not the norm. The vast majority of the seniors are literally dumped and at maximum get visitations once a year for five minutes. And you might consider the way you treat your parents is the way your children will treat you.

This is sad. He is giving up his chance of having a family of his own.

We are in a similar situation. We are both 70 and provide half time care to mother in law at age 98. Brother in law does the other half. Mother in law is obnoxious and has been kicked out of three extended living homes before. She is financially okay having had a deceased husband who left her with life time pension income. It is a choice between a rock and a hard place for us. But we continue providing care three days a week with excellent meals and transportation plus time with her. She is nearly deaf and blind. But I really miss having our own life in our very nice out of state home.

I own two houses and my mother lives in one of them. She pays me some rent, but not enough to cover the mortgage. My sister and I pay her utilities and we also pay to have someone come in and clean once a month. I pay for repairs and maintenance on my house, but she pays to have the lawn cut. It costs me about $500/month, which I can afford. And when I eventually sell that house I’ll get some of that money back. But, I’m not in that man’s situation. I have my own house that I live in. She does not live with me!

Wow that's one hell of son he will be blessed very much in his future I admire him you don't see that these days May God always bless you in everything you do

God will bless him for this. Such an example of picking up your cross. The world rarely sees this type of sacrifice.

In a similar situation and breaking free in a year

Rough. I have been in a similar situation except I'm the only child. Dave is right, you need to find an exit ramp. I've been doing this for 10 years now living under the same roof and it truly is not sustainable. But my husband and I have finally decided to simplify our life and overhead so we can utilize excess income to subsidize my mom's income. This will be a line item in our budget and allow us to live our own lives and dreams. Hope it works!

To Americans, please realize some parents had to sacrifice so much for their children, especially immigrants, Which is why they are broke and broken… please take care of your parents like they took care of you, if not better.

I really appreciate and respect you dear. Am a African and we take care of our parents till they pass. God bless you and if marriage is in your future that beautiful soul will join you and help care for your parents. Just ask God.

He needs to find a way to take care of his parents as well as starting his own family and having his own life.

I am a person who live this,it cause so much problems ,I had to many co- dependents on me ,I had a breakdown & end up cut family out so I can be mentally well.

Honor heart 💖💖💖 this man deserves a good Life

You're siblings look at you because you don't have a wife and kids as , "well you don't have a family, you take care of them." And I wouldn't expect expect other siblings to help financially.

Why is it that siblings that ate married feel like it should all fall on the sibling that is not married. That is so selfish.

I love this boy

I just don't like it when Dave assumes the parent were irresponsible. Maybe they did the best they could; maybe they've had years of unexpected health problems or expenses. We don't really know. Many people find they just couldn't continue working when they expected to be able to do so.

It’s a lie that your “morally obligated” to be responsible for your parents.

Keep taking care of your parents till the END.

If he’s going to do this, and I wouldn’t do this, then he needs to be getting equity in the house, at a minimum, both from his payments he’s making for the expenses and for the work he’s doing in caretaking. You could also sell the house and move into a smaller place with a granny apartment, something like that, where the parents are living with HIM in his extra space instead of vice versa. And that’s being very, very generous assuming these mid 60s “aches and pains” are actually a real debilitating injury and not just laziness.

I think too many adult kids think they are helping their parents when the truth is they are grown and should be chipping in on bills.

This guy is throwing his own life away. He will be single forever if he keeps going like he is now.

He's a good guy

His siblings will not speak to him/about it because they don't want to contribute. YOU are taking care of them brother, YOU KEEP taking care of them.

A few years ago my wife and I were faced with a potentially similar issue with her parents and her younger sister. We managed to sidestep it, aet some boundaries, and not get bogged down in it. Fortunately, with my parents it is not the case. Some background. Honor in terms of family is a big thing in Asian culture. Taking care of parents is a given. My parents in law are in their 70s. My wife is Vietnamese. She immigrated to the USA to be with me when we married. I am American. Her parents, and sister, after we were settled in the USA as a couple, wsnted to come and live permanently in the USA. My wife and I, after assessing the ask, politely answered with a 'NO'. They tried to guilt trip her, but it didn't work. The money didn't add up. My in laws were not able to socially function in the USA. They had no clue how the USA works. If we had done it, we would have been totally miserable. They even didn't speak English, and made no attempt to learn it. They didn't want to. The solution was for them to stay where they are in Vietnam. Their house is paid off. They have good medical infrastructure. They have money that works in Vietnam. They are socially functional and integrated into society there. They speak the language. What my wife and I was to help them connect more so with otger family members. We slso set them up to keep their money square. We got tgem connected for food at the local market. We got them connected to appropriate mobile healthcare, who comes to their house in addition to going to the doctor. We slso helped her younger sister to get her life straight so that she is in a better place to get the day to day stuff managed. It is now 6 years since my wife politely told them 'NO' and they are doing well. In fact my in laws see another elderly uncle and aunt in frail health (in their 60s) that immigrated to the USA because someone didn't have the backbone to say 'NO'. That uncle and group of relatives are now miserable and struggling in California. The Uncle had to go back to work, and is in poir health. They sold off all assets in Vietnam.. house and all...to fund the move to Vietnam. Life for them is miserable.

I agree that this isn’t sustainable for 20 years. But Dave offered no real solutions other then “get out”. How? Set them all up with financial peace university and a coach! This man has already paid off a huge amount of debt, he is open to the baby steps and making progress. He called Dave for a reason. He just needs guidance on how to move forward now. I’m a single 32 year old woman, and I’d be happy to get to know a man who holds this type of honor.

He’s a nice guy but not a realist.

Why can't they get a low income senior place

I think a good question to ask him would be, let's say you marry and you have four kids, and you and your wife find yourselves in poor health. Would you want one of your kids to do what you have done, put his or her life on hold indefinitely out of a sense of "duty"?

Sounds like the parents need to sell the house and move into an apartment, assuming they don't live somewhere like California where a roach infested studio apartment would cost as much as they make in SS, then they can have the rent and basic expenses covered by SS and use the proceeds from the house as their retirement.

Dave is right. Siblings must help him. They should pool in some resources to get them the care they need. But it's a very tough situation.

Wish I heard this call 10 years ago!

“Kindness to a father in his age will not be forgotten.” Ecclesiasties chap. 3

he needs therapy. he is co-dependent.