Nobody talks about the actor. Damn, that is something.

Man, last time I watched this video was 4 years ago, when I was in active addiction (meth+heroin) crying because I missed my daughter and couldn't believe who I let myself become. Coming back to it now gives me full on body chills. Happy to say that shortly after that I got sober for good, now building a career and have my family back. Feels good, man. Feels really fucking good.

"Death is not the greatest loss,the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live"

Bro the look on his face when hes walking on the street after seeing his paycheck hits so deep. The look of frustration and despair. Being lost with no direction or any idea on how to even begin to resolve your mountain of problems.

(Edited 9/12/21) After watching this MANY times now I feel like I can join in the fun and explore the meaning behind the video. Not saying this is correct, just my interpretation from the visuals along with the lyrics. The song and video both center around one thing; addiction. People can become addicted to all sorts of things, not just drugs. In this case, he is addicted to his love's smile. You will notice EVERYTHING he does is for one ending goal, to see her smile again. At the beginning of his day he's shown smoking, he seems like he's itching for a fix, worried and stressed to get to it. As he works his mind goes to flashbacks of his favorite times with the girl he loves. He finishes work and is off to get what he needs. He stops at the bar to get a shot. Something known to calm the nerves. Notice how he rotates his wedding ring, another sign that brings us back to where his thoughts are. As he enters this drug den it's obvious he's still "new" to this whole scene. And as he is led back to a room by dealer his mind flashes back again to past happy days. After he is out of there he seems filled with a burst of energy. He's got what he needs and is making his way home. And here is where the real question starts. Are the drugs his, hers, or theirs? I think a few things answer this question. One, when he comes in he literally stops to compose himself before going in her room. He has to be strong for her. If he was high I don't think he would have reacted the same or showed the same emotion. But the REAL clue is when we finally see her in bed. On the bedside table you will notice EMPTY pill bottles. Leading me to believe the drugs are for her. And we see one more thing. We see that smile. And in that both of these addicts have what they need to get through the day. Addiction comes in many forms. Love is one of the best and the worst, all at the same time. This is captured beautifully in this video. LOVE it. Update! I think the end isn't just about getting her the drugs to feel less pain. I think it's even deeper than that. I think it's him assisting her suicide. The hospital bed at home is something that happens when people are in hospice care. Also know as end of life care. I think she was ready to go. The struggle he faces in the video is thinking about that. And as much as he wants her to stay, he loves her enough to let her go. And that makes it that much more heartbreaking. What do you think? Love to hear your thoughts!

It amazes me that eden can write such songs despite being so young. He was just 19 when he wrote this song. Can you believe it. ?

This song helped me release my pain after losing Micheal Schoepfer. He was a good father, an amazing Marine, and my best friend. He passed on September, of 2019 to a drug overdose. I will never forget this man. We have been on two deployments together, he helped get me on the bird when I was wounded in Afghanistan. There is absolutely no replacement for someone like that. I love you Brother! Semper Fi!

Man this hits so hard only by watching and listening. Cant imagine what it is like to go through this.

I was Lonely And Very Depressed. But Then I was scrolling down for a music and I found your song Circles. I listen to it and made me shed a tear. I listened more Songs of yours and it keep me joyful and Full of life. Thanks EDEN...

You always say thank you for how us, your fans, have changed your life. But i'm not sure you realize how much you've changed ours. Your music holds me up when i'm falling and there were many days I played your voice on repeat just to stay sane. I know we all feel the same. So for this and everything and everyone I say thank you. I hope one day you can fathom the difference you've made in our lives. -a fan from the beginning, a fan till the end

The story of a man who does everything he can to be good enough, but always feels like nothing. Constant struggle just to keep up and move forward. This hits home way to hard.

His expression in the beginning, reminds me of every week being sober for 3 or 4 days broke as fuck. Telling myself never again. Getting that paycheck. Telling myself there's no way I'm going to pick up again, Telling myself I hate dope with every fiber of my being. Heart slowly accelerating. Sweating, as I go to the bank and cash my 300$ check. Head spinning KNOWING I will never spend what little money I have on more fucking dope. Texting my dealer saying I'll take a sack, sitting there on the curb waiting, telling myself it's not real and there's no way I'd ever do more fucking dope, and then having my dealer roll up, and repeating the weekend bender, staying up for 3 days, paranoia. Freaking out. Missing work on Monday like every week. And then crawling through the next 4 days, broke, Telling myself ill never do fucking dope again...... this video reminds me of thst insane cycle, and I can't express how important that is after 7 years sober.

Eden's voice is so unique, I love it so much

How is it possible that EDEN has never made a bad song?

Still can't get over the emotional punch this song brings.... hits home deep.. much love to everyone out there struggling...

dont ask who’s still here in 2020 because we never left

The feels are strong in this. I teared up a little at the end, not gonna lie.

Things I would rather be thoughts in the back of my head but im addicted to hurting

I can listen to this 5000 times a day and still not get tired of it..Eden I'm your biggest fan and hope that tiktok don't ruin this song..

So relatable. Hits deep especially the looks on his face, the drug deal, everything. You can just tell hes been there before and its killing him inside.

that moment when you've been here since again was uploaded, and now you watching him explode in popularity, while not even letting it phase him. I respect jono for the fact that he has stayed true to what he set out to do, it isn't about fame and fortune rather about creating something for the people who are supporting him. I have so many thanks for him, helping out me in times id rather forget, but I'm not the only one. idk what I'm saying anymore, just rambling.thanks for everything you've done

"not what you needed but what you wanted" really hits me hard

Eden is such a good artist... we need more EDEN!

this song still hits hard even after four years of listening to it

i think the drugs for cancer are too expensive and he cant afford them with the job he's working at so all day he see's how they were happy together and how she was well; he wishes it can go back to that but he knows the harsh reality that it never will. i'm saying that because she's in the bed in home and not in a hospital because he probably can't afford the care in a hospital. he buys the drugs (painkillers) to numb her pain and to give her some type of enjoyment out of life because he knows her end is near. beautiful video.

Notice how the colour grading before and after he bumps into that dude. Before is an orange ish tint, making it look warm and cosy. Then after he bumps into that man it's made to look cold and sad by the darkish colours. This is a really well thought out video. Just thought I'd share this with anyone who didn't notice :)

Dude This video still hits me hard after 4 years. Truly amazing performance by the actors. And great music.

I have a life threatening disease not only am I tired of how this illness makes me feel... I'm gutted watching how it effects my husband and my children having too watch me suffer. I love this video, this is so hard. Chronic illnesses, cancer any illnesses. 🙏🙏🙏 I'm sending positive vibes too all who has too go thru this.

I guess the hardest part isn't loosing someone you love, it is knowing you will loose them.

I don't want to sound weird or anything like that but about a month ago I lost my wife to multiple brain aneurysm, I barely made it through every day and I cried each and every one of those days many times and every time that I wanted to just die I found myself listening to your music that is helped me get through. This song in particular because of all the pieces that she had heard that you have made this was her favorite. I miss her so much everyday and I'm positive I would have killed myself so I could see her again which would have left by four year old boy alone so thank you I could never say it enough

This is the ultimate “wait for it” video. I didn’t see it coming. Those of us that suffer with addiction related from the start. We thought we knew where this was going: drugs to numb the pain of loss. The last ten seconds of this video had me bawling like a baby. 😞

"The saddest part of life is when someone gives you the best memories becomes a memory."

this was the first song i've ever listened to by eden and i cant get over how good this is

cause im a fuckin' mess sometimes

I miss the old time when I was younger and happier , I didn’t know how happy I was.

to all the men and women going through post-love trauma...blessings and prayers to you in the quarantine. May you be healed,and i hope you heart feels peace.

When you were listening in early 2015 to monstercat and he was called the eden project ... that project has finally become a reality keep it up man I love your music!

"Drugs" now officially passed "XO" in views and is Eden's most viewed song on KZfaq. I've been waiting for this for too long.

I still hear my favorite song

I see real love in this video

This is sad. This is hot. This is stunning. *And that's all EDEN.*

IM ACTUALY CRYING

For the last three years I’ve been listening to this song multiple times per week and with every instance that I come back I cannot resist watching the video aswell. It really adds to the emotion of the lyrics. Thank you EDEN for my favourite song of all time

LYRICS: Cause I had the best of the worst sides And I had these lungs, oh And I had too many flash fires That I just let them burn 'Til my chest is on fire And my head just won't die I guess I'm lying 'cause I wanna I guess I'm lying 'cause I don't 'Cause I just feel so tired Like it's move or slowly die You say, you ain't you when you're like this This ain't you and you know it But ain't that just the point? You don't know How to let go, who said this must be all or nothing? But I'm still caught below And I'll never let you know No, I can't tell you nothing 'Cause I'm a fucking mess sometimes But still I could always be Whatever you wanted but not what you needed Especially when you been needing me 'Cause I'm a fucking mess sometimes And I'll say what I don't mean Just 'cause I wanted or maybe I need it Swear lying's the only rush I need, yeah 'Cause all I needed was some words to say That all these feelings don't mean shit to me 'Cause it's all just chemicals anyway, anyway, yeah And I got way too many routes to take to make this all just go away And find another heart to break, so heartless with these words I say Just saying what I'm supposed to say 'cause I had nothing for you I can't love when I can't even love myself Things I would rather be, thoughts at the back of my head but I'm addicted to hurting And I got these lungs, yeah And I spent too many late nights Just thinking a hole in the earth 'Til the sky is on fire And my head still won't die I guess I'm lying 'cause I want to I guess I'm lying 'cause I don't 'Cause I just feel so tired Like I need something to come alive She said, "you ain't you when you're like this This ain't you, what you done?" And I said, "That's the point" And you don't know how to let go Who said this must be all or nothing? But I'm still caught below And I'll never let you know No I can't tell you nothing 'Cause I'm a fucking mess sometimes But still, I could always be Whatever you wanted but not what you needed Especially when you been needing me 'Cause I'm a fucking mess inside And I'll say what I don't mean Just 'cause I wanted or maybe I need it Swear lying's the only rush I need, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah I need it, I need it, yeah, yeah, yeah

After reading many of the comments, I've compiled all things people said about this song. Here's a basic summary of that: Notice how the color degrades before and after he bumps into that guy in minute 1:51 or so, before he does the colors is kind of like orange-ish tint that made it look warm and cozy. Then after he does bump into that man, it’s made to look cold and sad by the darkish colors. Basically the drugs are for cancer are too expensive and he can’t afford them with the job he’s working at all, so all day long he see’s how they were happy together and how she was well before, he wishes it can go back to that but he knows the harsh reality that it never will. This becomes obvious when you see her in the bed at home and not in a hospital because he can’t afford the care in a hospital. He buys the “drugs” hence the song name which refer to painkillers to numb her pain and to give her some type of enjoyment out of life because he knows her end is near, and so is his addiction or his own “drug” - her smile, which is what we last see in the video.

Been here since Man Down was released, still love you Jon.

I’ll know if I’ve found my soulmate if she listens to Eden.

the video made this song a lot more depressing to me.

The end of this video hits me so damn hard everytime. That moment he collects himself outside the hospital room before walking in and him trying not to show the pain in his face when he looks at her. I have done the same exact thing when i would visit my brother before he passed of cancer. I will never hear harder words in my life then when my brother looked at me and my mom already unrecognizable from the torment cancer and chemo had put his body through with tears in his eyes and said " i dont want to die, im scared." I had become pretty good at putting on a smile for him so he doesn't see the pain in my face but this time i couldn't do it so i didn't say anything i just hugged him. I never got to speak with him again and tears hit my keyboard as im typing this because i hate that his last words to me were out of fear. Thats not him. I Love you Chris and i miss you so so much!!!

this might be one of the best music videos I've ever seen in my life. the ability to cohesively display a narrative in the middle of what is an arguably dance-worthy song is shockingly impressive. 11/10

Whilst this doesn't make me cry it's still one of the most emotional songs I listen too. The pacing of the beat and especially how wrecked the vocals sound at the end always get me

The hardest part about losing someone is knowing no matter what you couldn't have changed anything. It's knowing that all the laughs, arguements, all the tears you once shared are all just memories of someone you used to know and now you will never get anymore. That is what breaks me.

That Moment when you watch this song once ... and then now you have watched it over a 100 times

Weird how from the moment he dropped the bag I felt him. So happy how far I have come, I am crying at the end of this because just how easy it is to go back...

Man, the first time I heard eden was in 2019, I've been addicted since. I was (I'm still) in a phase of life where I was confused and lost about what to do and how to live life correctly. After I found Eden and his work I felt like I found something important, something that was meant to be found. Eden has influenced me in so many ways, this work has influenced things that I write like songs and poems. Sometime I just sit in the car and put my headphone on and just shuffle all the Eden's songs, just laying there for hours. To be honest, I've been at my lowest mentally for past 5 years, struggling to feel alive but the times I get to listen to Eden I feel like my head is rushing through the clouds, in a bliss. If I could give my younger self an advice it would be to discover Eden a bit early cause man I feel like I skipped the journey of Eden but still I'm still going to enjoy this piece of peace that I found and cherish it.

I want him to be our little secret but im scared thats not gonna happen

I've known this song for a long time but never listened to it much. It really evokes emotions in you, but I wasn't at a point where I could relate to him. A few months later, I'm back here, listening to this song for the fifth time on repeat and the sixth time throughout today, dried tear tracks on my cheeks because I can't fucking cry anymore. It's not even me. It's this person I know and love deeply. I can hear them singing this. They're dying and I'm helpless. All I can do is stand on the sidelines and watch a wonderful tapestry unravel, an awe-inspiring sculpture crumbling apar. Paint that was once a beautiful work of art smearing, it's canvas tearing at the seams. I'm sorry I can't do better. Forgive me.

The amount of emotion Eden puts in his music is outstanding

Please man, do not stop making songs like that... it's literally from another world ❤

Songs like this make me wish KZfaq had a repeat option.

so sad that even after 3 years of being released, hardly anyone knows about this masterpiece. music and video both. EDIT: to everyone commenting about the views being a lot, when I posted this, this video was around 8 million views and EDEN had around 1 million monthly spotify listeners. yes that’s a lot, but when you compare it to other artists who are way more popular, it’s hardly noticeable.

Realising that you lose someone and cant do anything is way worse then loosing them in an instance. The hopelessness, the helplessness, there is nothing you can do and it just hurts to watch as it all goes on...

This song will always connect to me in more than one way. Everytime I think I have it figured out I learn something new about it.

This is just fucking amazing

I think that it's because of you that I'm still here Eden. I have so much pain inside me and I feel so alone, but you let me know that I'm not. I may not have anyone, I may have a broken heart, but you help. thank you so much for making some of the most life changing music I've ever heard. I will never stop loving her, but I know that I'll move on. even if I don't want to, sometimes I wish the pain would just kill me, but it won't and the only way my life will get better is if I make it better. Thanks man.

This song has always been a rollercoaster of emotions and I never watched this and now wow this extended the ride by a whole hour

I didn't expect to be crying right now. Thank you for your song and perspective.

1:50 I love this transition + the timing with the music xd

im crying 'cause i just discovered him just last month... i wish i could have discovered this amazing guy sooner

One thing I have always liked about EDEN it's that he's songs are very deep.

Still one of my favorite songs out there, years later. South African survivalist and self-reliance KZfaq content creator. Love to all. Your music is truly incredible Eden.

typing this in school, I have to hide phone under leg... but I HAD to see EDEN'S video

Who else thought that she left him and the drugs were for him at first?

If you ever come across people who do you harm, please try and understand that they didn't choose to become that way, life's circumstances shape us all. Some are luckier than others.

I had youtube playing and when this song played... my heart dropped. You did amazing at making heartwrenching music.

Yo this video...my god. Almost made me cry

"You ain't you when you like this..." Eat a Snickers, you're not you when you're hungry.

How could you tell a whole story in just one video....this was so beautifully directed!!

4 years... still listening in 2020 heh I remember when this came out made me cry so god damn much man...

I was here before his Grammy, just so you know. You future people ;)

Does anyone else get goosebumps and have a weird feeling inside when the lyrics "cuz all I needed was some words to say that all these feelings dont mean to shit to me cuz its all just chemicals anyway... anyway. I got way too many routes to take to just make this all go away and find another heart to break so heartless with these words I say. Cuz I cant love when I cant even love myself... things I would rather be thoughts in the back of my head but I'm addicted to hurting"? I do.

October 2020 and this song still gets my emotions running. Im also 40 and from the North side of Columbus Ohio. Just shows how good music reaches who it needs to reach...the video alone will choke you up

I have been listening to the song for three years now and i still love it like it was the first time

why tf does it get all blurry? edit: was crying, nevermind.

My brother fought like Hell and beat cancer(squamous cell carcinoma). Sadly squamous cell carcinoma took so much from him. His will to live and it was psychologically and physically devastating. He had his jaw bones removed, he has no nose. His lymph-nodes were removed. The roof of his mouth was removed, all of his teeth. His vision has been limited and so has his hearing. He had tubes placed into his ears that need to be drained on a regular basis. Some of his arm and leg. He went down to an almost unrecognizable weight also. He was a big guy that could easily carry a fridge on his back. In fact his job was primarily moving furniture. He won't go anywhere and if he has appointments he wears a surgical mask. It's a daily Hell. The pain and despair. I moved back in to be there for him. In closing I would like to say f*ck you cancer. Really... F*CK you cancer! If cancer had a face I'd smash it to bits just like it did to my younger brother. Sometimes my brother and I talk about how there are likely so many more people like him that suffer in silence away from public eye. We just don't see them because this sh*t devastates them, it changes them. So my condolences to all that have lost loved ones to cancer and much love and respect to those still fighting and those fighting alongside them. Also if you are one that is fighting and one of those people that is out of sight, or alone, I'm with you. My brother and I are with you. You all have my deepest respect.

It’s been about 2 years ago when i first discovered this song and EDEN and i’m grateful for his music for getting me through the rough times.

What an emotional rollercoaster... When he gets to her door towards the end and he has to really collect himself and hide his emotion before going in... I felt that hard.

Cause I had the best of the worst sides And I had these lungs And I had too many flash fires That I just let them burn Till my chest is on fire And my head just won't die I guess I'm lying cause I wanna I guess I'm lying cause I don't Cause I just feel so tired Like it's move or slowly die You ain't you when you're like this This ain't you and you know it But ain't that just the point? You don't know How to let go Who said this must be all or nothing? But I'm still caught below And I'll never let you know No I can't tell you nothing Cause I'm a fucking mess sometimes But still I could always be Whatever you wanted But not what you needed Especially when you been needing me Cause I'm a fucking mess sometimes And I'll say what I don't mean Just cause I wanted Or maybe I need it Swear lying's the only rush I need Cause all I needed was some words to say That all these feelings don't mean shit to me Cause it's all just chemicals anyway Anyway And I got way too many routes to take To make this all just go away And find another heart to break So heartless with the words I say Just saying what I'm supposed to say Cause I had nothing for you I can't love when I can't even love myself Things I would rather be thoughts at the back of my head, but I'm addicted to hurting And I got these lungs And I spent too many late nights Just Thinking a hole in the earth Till the sky is on fire And my head still won't die I guess I'm lying cause I want to I guess I'm lying cause I don't Cause I just feel so tired Like I need something to come alive She said you ain't you when you're like this This ain't you what you done? And I said that's the point You don't know how to let go Who said this must be all or nothing? But I'm still caught below And I'll never let you know No I can't tell you nothing Cause I'm a fucking mess sometimes But still I could always be Whatever you wanted But not what you needed Especially when you been needing me Cause I'm a fucking mess inside And I'll say what I don't mean Just cause I wanted Or maybe I need it Swear lying's the only rush I need

I'm not in the right state of mind to be watching this video. :(

I've heard this song so many times. Just saw this for the first time... I'm not crying... you're crying!

I think this is the first song I ever truly cried to. Still do from time to time 'till this day. I can't express how home this all feels. Sending love!

His drug is her smile...

Damn this video hit's too close to home. The desperation, hopelessness and search for a release from the shackles of a world you aren't equipped navigate through. The realization that the only relief you can find is only temporary and makes things worse and then to find love in that place with someone who is suffering more than you. It's like looking in a mirror at a reflection of your self knowing that you can't help her because you can't even save yourself.

This song takes away a part of me everytime i listen to it Reminds me of a buddy who left too early.....

I’m up at 4 A.M and I’ve repeated this song 6 times already

eden deserves more subs!!!

*HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WATCH THE MUSIC VIDEO THROUGH ALL THESE TEARS*

lost my grandma to cancer she won the first fight but lost the second the hardest part was just watching and knowing that I can't do anything everyday I knew she's getting worse and one day she didn't recognized me anymore that completely broke me and my mom was fighting breast cancer, she won but it is back and I feel like the past repeats itself and I have no more strength to go through this again I just... I can't....

Ano 2018, aula vaga, corredor do 9°ano escutando Eden... Que momentos bons... Sempre que escuto Eden me emociono pq lembro de muita coisa, principalmente pq as músicas deles fizeram parte dos melhores momentos da minha vida. Agora só resta saudades 🥲

It's sad but what I got was he found out his wife had cancer and instead of spending all his time with her, he focused on himself. He thought that because of cancer she would never be the same and so he gave up straight away and replaced her with drugs. You see she's happy he's finally returned to her in the end though when she's smiles, showing he realized he made the wrong choices. That's what I got from it anyway :)