“It’s not about removing emotions, it’s about learning to wield them.” pure gold. Thank you Matthew

the other day my partner told me "I like to miss you, It's like another feeling I have for you. And then when I finally see you, I feel like I love you more" and I can totally tell :)

Invest in yourself. Be confident and be the best you. Then sit back and watch the quality fellows come. 😋😛😉😚

"Wise men say, only fools rush in, but i cant help falling in love with you"

I made dinner for two... ate both.

Romance can only develop in the space created. Not when a couple are constantly together. People should be secure enough to spend time apart. Only 10% of your happiness should come from a partner. 90% from you.

I don’t know if anyone will understand this. I’ve noticed that I feel a deep sense of love every time I look at my cat. I think that is partly due to the fact that while at times he will cuddle with me to the point that I want to push him away. Most of the time, he is doing his own thing and doesn’t want to even be disturbed. That’s when I crave a cuddle most. Is this as Mathew suggests here that while he does his own thing, I miss him and respect him more. I know this sounds cat crazy. However, I feel there is something to learn from my Cat.

Dont trust words... Watch paterns

Emotions: doing what feels good. Logic: investing to feel good.

Actually, when you find the right person you will feel calm and will not feel the need to prove you are lovable by investing to much because they will give you a calm feeling of knowing you are loved. Good luck all!

As a guy who dated many girls, I would say, Invest in yourself. Make yourself a priority (Unless you have children then make them priority). From my experience, I feel unattracted to women who invest so much in me because it kinda show them as needy. Truth hurts yeah but again you girls would be turned off if a guy gives you ALL his attention all day. It's a sign that the guy has no passion, hobby or anything going on for himself other than clinging on you.

I think being emotional and not overthinking the relationship won't ruin a relationship that is willing to work. It will only accelerate the end of the ones who aren't meant to be.

I think I lost guys every time because I flood them with my emotions and love and devotion. lost the guy I really wanted because I choose to be sincere

"Some people know how to manage their emotions to make it work for them, and other people work for their emotions" woooooooooo POWERFUL.

Not even in a relationship but still here

“Love is when people are together. Desire is created in the distance between people”

What you are talking about is insecure attachment. Both men and women would benefit so much by understanding attachment theory and understanding their own attachment style. Without it, it's impossible to break out of self defeating patterns of behaviour in dating and relationships. Amir Levine's 'Attached' is the best resource and entry point to understanding adult attachment.

the strongest snd best relationships are the ones where you can talk abt this stuff with your Partner

Keep the mystery, not being needy or too attached. Have your own life.

I’ve been in a relationship with a guy for 6 years, we live together and I still use this advice to keep the desire alive. We do our own things for work and so on and then it creates that tension for when we see each other next and makes us want to spend some quality 1 on 1 time. Just wanted to make that point that this advice can be useful even after it’s become long term.

I have waited a whole year (almost) before going into a relationship. And for the first time in a loooong time, when I am together with a guy - I can also feel a need to pull back, focus on myself, my future, my goals, my aspirations etc. It is so refreshing and a relief! I am not dependent on this person because I have hobbies and passion for other things as well. I am not even head over heels in him - yet. I am leaning back a little, teying to see what he comes up with, let him take the lead as much as I can and my emotions allow me 😉 After all, a relationship is a two-way street. I am very grateful for your videos Matthew, you always bring something of value to the table. Thank you for that 😇

I’m seeing a guy and he’s so nice to me.. I’m not used to this level of gentlemanliness. I watched a lot of your videos and they have helped me to accept that I actually deserve to be treated like an absolute queen. I’m pumping the breaks because he’s a total catch, being honest and vulnerable.. it’s been a total game changer. I refuse to erode the time I spend on myself.. this is new for me.. again.. wow 👌 Thank you for all your insight 😘

I am so guilty of all these mistakes, good thing there's people like you that helps us realize this 😕

I love that man. I literally was just in my head on this subject “am I giving too much too fast?” “Is this why it feels like things are slowing down?” And then this popped up in my notifications!! Matthew Hussey the angel genie! 🧞‍♂️

Are you reading my mind, Matthew?! All of your videos are incredible, but I NEEDED this one. Thank you for all that you do for your KZfaq family!!

I did everything that you said in my first relationship, Matthew. It took me 6 years to realise how much I gave up because of that feeling that this realishionship is all I ever needed. I agree completly on that you shouldn't loose the things that make you YOU.

Having been with a love bombing narcissist made me drive away from crazy romances rationally and emotionally.

What I take from this: keep your identity separate as it gives interest to the relationship. The old saying - 'distance makes the heart grow fonder' is now 'distance creates desire' - all true in my opinion. Distance also gives you something to discuss from your day, it creates excitement too. A very important topic Matthew. Thanks.

This is what I needed, this new guy i'm dating he's really patient with me and I did notice that I am requiring way to much of him two soon because I really like him and can tell he really likes me back. I want to see him all the time and talk to him but its not logical we have responsibilities and I have to let go and let it grow naturally. THANK YOU MATT!

Giving too much too soon has been a behavior I have struggled with. And since I have been watching your videos I have been wondering how to find the middle ground of giving enough of myself without becoming over-involved in him and letting my emotions getting the best of me. Now I get it..sort of..lol

Wow, this came at the perfect time. Needed this one to open up my eyes. I was in self destruct mode because I was SO wrapped up in him and losing myself. I was making myself crazy and losing what makes me who I am! It was ruining our relationship. We're teetering on the brink of a breakup. I'm hoping he'll be open to continuing and working on it.

Your arms look great Matthew 😜

But also when you are truly in love with someone , it shouldn't make a difference how much or how little time you spend together because you can have an unspoken understanding when can't be together 🙂

Basically, the difference between short-term, immediate gratification and long-term fulfillment.

I just lost the best girl in my life because I did all of this. You honestly have changed my life because I watched this video everyday for weeks straight. Thank you.

I was experiencing with investing too much time and energy in a man I loved at the first sight. It didn’t work out that way because he pulled back. I’m trapped in a friend zone now but I’m happy with it. I don’t want to be with a man who is not sure what he wants. Thank you for all valuable advices, Matthew ❤️

I definitely get too invested too quickly so I needed this. Thanks!!

Just reconnected with a guy I dated years ago. I need this.

I vote for longer videos, love to see all the concepts you taught in the past put together and create a story that I'm sure reflects most people's new relationships. This was awesome!!

i wish i listen to this 18 years ago.... i might have a different kind of relationship. But, it is never too late! Thanks, Matthew.

Going to counseling to work on controlling my emotions so my emotions don't control me.

I totally relate! Thanks ! When I start liking someone I totally get overwhelming by thinking about him, and I lose myself. Learning to control one’s emotions and keeping grounded is keey! Thanks

I’m just staring at him the whole time thinking about Camila’s perspective staring at her boyfriend. 💕 Like “Damn my bae is finnnneee”!😍

I suck at falling too quickly... I'm too big of a softy... Sigh. I'm gonna die alone

i let my emotions get the best of me and i think thats why i lost him.

The man...he doesnt into you. How much you take slow or invesr fast. Its nothing at all. You invest and know early better than spent time with him and regrets later. But this is a good lesson for next chapter.

Wow. Couldn't be more of an ironic time for me to watch this video. Having some hard, emotional recent days having zero to do with the opposite sex or relationships, just life, but just like you said it can apply to any other aspect as well. Thank you!

He's a cross between Daniel and Dr.mike!

I definitely had to learn the hard way to pull back and be more logical. I’m a planner and like to place things in boxes just like my time and relationship. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Being carried away is not a bad thing but if you do it with a toxic person then you put yourself in danger. Be sure that person is not trying to be with you for wrong reasons first

You’ve always been one of the ‘relationship advice’ you tubers that I’ve felt was genuine and realistic, hearing you address the issue of ‘over analyzing’ and taking some responsibility for it was honestly one of the most memorable things I’ve heard. The fact that you are real and that you are aware of your viewers and their actual real life circumstances after implementing your advice is commendable and the fact that you shouldered some blame (unnecessary in my opinion, we are grown ass adults with free will) is outstanding and totally impressive. You’re authenticity, in my opinion, was refreshing and you deserve lots of shine for taking the time to care and then start prepare.

You are right Mathew, it's amazing how wise you're turning by the mere fact of your work on relationships, observing, listening, paying attention. And it's true that this balance of emotion and logic is the golden key in every aspect of life: love, family, work, community, self, otherness. Thank you so much!

I understand now. I thought that spending time almost everyday, was always fun, getting to know one another. Especially in the beginning in a relationship. I never thought of the idea that maybe spending so much time together that the sparks would slowly fade. That we would need to have time apart, so the next time we can rekindle the spark, or the fact that when we started to together that what the my were attractive to us was the time that we were doing, or hobbies, or interest, and we slowly stopped to be invested in our relationship. I learned a lot in this video. Thank you so much.

I wish so much I had seen this video and some of your other videos before I went into my previous relationship. I truly feel it would have saved my relationship and prevented me from getting my heartbroken in such a profound way I’m still not over it a year later. I made exactly these mistakes, all with the best intentions in my heart, not realizing they were in fact being counterproductive to what I intended. I guess lessons learned, and I’m so grateful I have now seen these videos because I know I will take them with me into my next partnership and have a much better, healthier relationship ❤️

that "watch this" and for the first time , it deserves to be watched , thank u for everything for sharing . love

I love how he explains it all. This all makes sense from a women's view. God bless him.

But it's not fun because most people are holding back and are wounded, scared, and inauthentic because of it. I feel like the black sheep for going out each day, talking to people, and being happy. I actually want to know others and have them know me.

Just recently broke up and I think what made me snap was it was always “what do you want to do, what do you want to eat, whatever you want” everything was plan by me and almost all the time we spend together was because I work around his schedule so he wouldn’t go to sleep late (he work at 6 am) it made me feel like I wasn’t a priority at all. I snap ask for time, we talk then he ended it because I hurt his ego refuse to acknowledge my pain. I sometimes think is because we both try to please each other so much instead of truly saying what we wanted. I have attachments issues and he has trust issues. But oh well 😔 i leave everything in the hands of god and whatever is meant for me will come. 💓

I am a very emotional sensitive person. Its in my genes to go out of my way and care for others and hurts so much to see people around change the very notion of love completely today. I never really understood until I saw this video! This video literally spoke to my heart!

I’m so guilty of losing self in a relationship :/ stopping that behavior now . Thank you

I'm a victim of PTSD. Worry is part of my life and i always break up with guys out of worry for the future. Gosh its so hard.

Wow . I’ve been following you since I was 22 I’m now 28 . And now I need to take your retreat. I love you ! Thank you!

I hate having to figure things like this out at my age. Everything is far too complicated. I think we have deified independence and self while devaluing family and marriage, to the point that love and desire are viewed as weakness.

I feel proud of myself that I've allowed myself to grow and choose this balance naturally rather than over compensating

Omg Every video u make just speaks to my soul , Lol 😆 I just love hearing You Speak ❤️🤷🏽‍♀️

When it comes to time apart, it happens naturally with my boyfriend and I as we both have full-time jobs, so we can't really see each other more than 2-3 times a week for dinner. We're still in the 'honeymoon phase', so my emotions definitely say we want to be glued together 24/7, but it's probably for the best that we're not.

You have a maturity about your content that far surpasses other relationship mentors. I’ve learned so much from you in the past year; I’m not quite ready for the retreat program. I’m still working on some rough edges. Thank you just doesn’t seem enough to extend my gratitude for the information you provide. May you have continued success!

I NEEDED this video! I swear, your uploading scheme always aligns with what I'm going through--I literally had a conversation about this dilemma this morning!

Very much agree with you Matthew that pleasing someone all the time could create a selfish relationship. We should always know when to say NO or say what we like or want. It's part of getting to know each other right?

MATTHEW....I LOVE YOUR VIDEOS AND ESPECIALLY THIS ONE !!! TY FOR POSTING IT. IM SGE 50yrs WITH NO CHILDREN AND A WIDOW OF 4yrs. I MET MY HUSBAND ONLINE IN '95 WHEN I WAS 27yrs AND HE WAS 35yrs. WE FELL IN LOVE VERY QUICKLY WITH HIM KNOWING FIRST BUT BEING A BIT CAUTIOUS BECAUSE HE HAD BEEN DIVORCED A FEW YEARS EARLIER WITH NO CHILDREN. SHE HAD LEFT HIM AND USED HIM FOR MONEY. WE DATED LONG DISTANCE FOR A YEAR BEFORE I MOVED IN WITH HIM. WE GOT ENGAGED ONE YEAR LATER AND ACTUALLY MARRIED IN 2003. WE HAD A VERY HAPPY, FAITHFUL, STRONG MARRIAGE AND WE WERE EACH OTHERS BEST FRIENDS. UNFORTUNATELY AT AGE 54yrs....HE WAS ON VACATION FROM WORK AND AT HOME WHILE I WAS OUT OF TOWN VISITING FAMILY. I COULDN'T GET HIM TO ANSWER THE PHONE ALL ONE NIGHT WHILE I WAS AT HOTEL AND THAT WAS NOT LIKE HIM, I BEGAN TO PANIC. I CALLED SHERIFF'S IN OUR AREA AND HAD THEM BREAK INTO OUR HOME WHERE THEY FOUND HIM DECEASED FROM A HEART ATTACK. THAT WAS JAN. 10,2015. MY LIFE TURNED UPSIDE DOWN. I THEN LEARND THE VALUABLE LESSON OF ALWAYS TELLING SOMEONE HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM WHEN YOU DO. EXPRESS YOUR EMOTIONS....BECAUSE TOMORROW ISNT PROMISED. THANK GOODNESS THOSE WERE MY LAST WORDS TO MY HUSBAND THE LAST TIME I SAW HIM. ITS BEEN FOUR YEARS AND ILL ALWAYS LOVE HIM, HE WAS 20yrs OF MY LIFE. BUT IM READY TO BE HAPPY AGAIN. BUT I FIND THAT MEN ARE NOT OPEN TO THIS EXPRESSION OF FEELING AND THIS BOTHERS ME. THEY SEEM TO BE LOOKING FOR MORE CASUAL SEX AND THEN WANT TO MOVE ON. THATS NOT ME OR MY VALUES. IM GETTING FRUSTRATED, RESENTFUL OF MEN, I CANT TRUST, AND JUST PLAIN LOSING HOPE THAT ILL EVER BE HAPPY AGAIN. I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE. HELP!!!! WHAT AM I DOING WRONG. ??? I JUST WANT RESPECT, FAITHFULNESS, COMMUNICATION, AND A GOOD GUY. SORRY THIS WAS SO LONG..... THANKS FOR ALL YOUR HARD WORK AND SUCH A WARM PERSON. 😊🙏

Emotional incontinence comes to mind when you mention people that work for their emotion.

Thank you so much Matt for not “making” me, but helping me find the confident young woman I already was but didn’t know how to invest it in my personal, love life!♥️🙃

Approaching any type of relationship from these perspectives will create space for people to come to you. Classes on life skills, relationships and personal empowerment should be taught in schools. Thank you for the guidance, Matthew 👍

Sooo, what do i do if i have it the other way around? I like a guy, i suggest i like him and he goes craaaazy... i feel like i havent earned it and i lose interest because he seems desperate. So i end up being attracted to the non-commital types because they dont suffocate me. (But they also dont give me the commitment i want EVENTUALLY.)

I learned how to use logic and emotions together since a very young age and I never realised it until now, the only problem is that nobody invests in me in the first place

Omg Mathew , it’s like you spoke to my mind directly! I’m a deep thinker and wear my heart on my sleeve , and I find I can give to much too soon and over analyse my moves when it comes to dating! you just spoke again - to perfection - on this point ! Not to over analyse or over think but to let the feelings flow but not to loose yourself in trying to please everyone ! Perfect ! So yet again , another amazing video from you !

Haha that's me. My friends criticizes me saying that I am playing games with the men I date, not being emotional etc..But ı tell them ı am doing this with a good intention and for a more romantic relationship :) they have trouble to get my purpose and think about me a mean girl. Actually, as it seem it is a bad or unemotional move it is resulted in more romantical ways and I benefited my logic and my man also loved that made him more invested and happy.

This speech makes my INTJ ass so happy.

Mathew inspires people all around to be the shiniest and best versions of themselves - no matter they are looking for relationships or are in one or don't even want one. Also, I love how dramatic he is. 😏

I agree that when other people are involved, as well as your own safety when you’re by yourself, harnessing your emotions is important. Diplomacy is critical when more than one person is in the picture.

This was so helpful for my daily "single" life, that's amazing mat, thank you very much ♥

Yes! I was currently in the middle of an emotional takeover so this was good to hear!

I really needed to hear this. My relationship ended a couple of weeks ago and I truly believe that the root cause was all of the things you talked about. I invested too much of myself too quickly and lost myself trying to make him happy. And he dumped me like Sunday morning garbage. I really was a slave to my emotions. I am ready to be better and make the necessary changes to ensure I never do this again in a future relationship. I am a young university student and can't afford your retreats and a lot of the material you have to offer so unfortunately your retreats won't be in the cards for me for a very long time. But through watching your videos, I hope to be better.

I am SO going through this phase in my relationship right now, it's not even funny. Thank you for your words.

This is a great video matthew! Keep it up! I feel like ur my big brother always giving advices! Take care

This is the best advice!

Good stuff, Hussey! I’ve been working on myself for years now and this is probably the most succinct antidote for not being a slave to emotions that I’ve come across. It resonates. You rock.

I'm lucky to have found a partner who felt the same way as I did. We both fell super fast, and established a relationship very very fast. We got emotional and serious in just a week. We rode the emotions and nurtured it, relished in it, entertained it, while here and there we put a little reason in, we talk about our concerns logically, realistically. It's just. We know it's a balancing act, but we gladly do it everyday si things do not go out of hand. Communication is vital in a relationship, and making sure you are in the same page. Whether it's emotional or logical communication, it's important. Say what you are feeling and thinking but do it in a compassionate way, especially when you are hurt. Don't go roundabout, be straightforward and respectful.

Sounds like Matthew read some Carl Jung

Thank you Matthew.. That was the most insightful and empowering video. I always go into a relationship /friendship with my emotions at the wheel, especially as I'm getting older... I'm a huge people pleaser, and I care so much for others and their feelings.. and it's the combination of these things that allow my emotions to take over, and basically ensure the new person runs (screaming into the night lol)... Anyway, thank you again.. I really hope I can turn things round

Every time I have a dating issue, you have incites that help so much.

Having time apart, although can be challenging, can definitely create desire and longing 🙏🙏

You are so cute and smart. Camila is so lucky!

Thank you so much, Matthew! Omg, you've just described literally all of my mistakes that I've made in the past 😝 Didn't know till now what in the hell I do wrong, gained clarity👍😇

I got bpd, every emotion i feel is like 10x more intense. Not that that’s an excuse but it does make controlling emotions a lot harder. I feel so blessed to come across your vids because you explain so clearly and simply how to break unhealthy habits.

This is great. It’s about getting a good balance of the two which then gives you a “wise mind” to make decisions in. I was running purely on emotion in my last relationship and after it was over I was still extremely attached to the person and only wanted validation out of them, no one else. I’m slowly starting to detach now with a lot of therapy, but I cannot even put into words how emotionally draining and damaging it has been for me.

It seems You are ready for love Matthew ;) and Happy Birthday for the 19th x

Wow. This is very motivating. In my last relationship, I was slaved by emotions. Of course, he ran away. This video really explains our problems in life, thank you very much Matthew =)

You definitely have to give people time to miss you and Vise versa. I put my man on a pedestal and make sure I always let him know I only have eyes for him. Yes, he struggles with believing that sometimes but as time goes by it gets easier and easier to believe based on patterns. I even struggle with it sometimes, thinking hes up to no good. You just have to be thoughtful and understanding. If you cant be then you're in a relationship you shouldn't be in. Because when you really like someone you figure it out. You cant really like someone unless you know they really like you. Life is too short to waste time and hurt yourself. I know I had to be right with myself before I'd ever be right with anyone else. Self reflect. Be cool. Be real. Be happy.

The best video I ever listened to. My life direct emotions and I want to change it so badly but don’t know how. Thank you for your video.