I saw it.. you were doing a lotr-shire-rivendell theme background! It's a great video. I hope more and more people keep subbing your channel. I love your "Infj" way of explaining things, makes perfect sense to me. And it means alot for someone to finally get it. Alot. Thank You for that. ❤

This video was actually one of the best from this channel. It’s level of ironic humor in delivering objective info on the infj type wasn’t the best comparatively to his others, but it gave personal and authentic insight of a human being’s experience who just happens to be an infj. And THAT is the true rarity amongst this “rare” percentage imo. Respect. Thanks for sharing, Frank! 💚

The 7 Unhealthy Signs one is MONEY on objective insight and endless wit though! Everyone should def check that one out 👌🏼

Adam Delonge 3 strikes 👉🏼Yoooooooooou’re Ooutt‼️ not kidding

Also I think by the time the cut off comes, we've been living a lie for so long it feels like there is no way to salvage the relationship & it's the most empathetic thing to just leave it. Being yourself with that person going forward seems impossible, therefore continuing the relationship is pointless.

Daya Tom , u should meet my Dad. He’s a very strong INFJ empath.

..I was lucky to meet one,, and we agree on all things.. 😊😊

Where

Other Life Goal: Marry one!

Come to Sacramento looool

Yes

Not taking any more new peeps into close circle for the time being.

🤣

Big mood as an INTJ who acts like an INFJ in public.

violetwitch I do. I feel like I’m on a reality show sometimes.

Hey :) At what minute does he say that?

@@evanna1965 4:32

That's exactly how I feel.

Oh shit I finally found the proper words to describe that feeling 😂

Yes

same

Yeah and the saddest part is even got hurt by their words and actions we can't say them out because we don't want the other one to get hurt

We're a gluten for punishment.

I'm this person. Sadly

😭

Adela. Any advice on how you cut them off? I'm in the process of shutting the door myself on a narcissists.

@@keyanna2633 just dont entertain them but be nice still. That way they'll realize they dont affect you.

Adela then possibly they’ll keep trying harder and digging lower .. My door slam means no contact .. you’re dead to me .. no love for a narc .. period

@@OldManClutch If thats the case, then yess. But if your dealing with narcissists who you cannot avoid, just ride in their conversation but not entertain them. If they know they get to you, thatll just fuel them.

Keyanna indifference. The indifference will show them they don’t affect you and that’ll hurt them. They’ll want a reaction out of you. Be polite and just nice but don’t let them get a rise out of you. I cut off a bestfriend and It took time but it worked.

Especially wishy washy women!

Yep

Exactly Rich! If you provoke it, you definitely deserve it...ijs. You can't push an INFJ to the edge, hence...the door slam. Sorry, not sorry 🤷🏾‍♂️

Now here's coming a weird INFJ explanation, but for me I try to see it that way as well, like as using the door slam in the worst case, but sometimes I shut the door unconsciously, looking back at it tho makes me realize that I wouldve done then either way one day.... "just" cause these relationships felt so wrong aka felt like they would go nowhere

@@tiffjay4731 😄

I use a combination of the first one with the second one for that one last chance, I parcially or completely stop talking to them, but I still observe them (that sounds creepy but it's not) if I see they changed, I slowly open the door again, if not then I don't. I use the first one most of the times, so it seems natural, not harmful The second one If I still need to have contact with this person The third one when I know the other person doesn't care about me, because I can just go right away and the other person won't care either, or when that person harmed me a lot (that doesn't happen often, maybe because I notice from the start)

I'm kinda in the second one with an ex friend of mine. My other friends are friends with her too. And they don't know how to feel about her and her behavior and they still keep her in their lifes. So i wont initiate us having out all together (including ex friend) but i won't be petty and not hang out with them is she is invited. And i stay civil because i don't wan't my friends to get caught in the crossfire. (Btw i talked to her about her behavior and nothing changed and she only saw herself as the victim and basically blamed us for the way we reacted to her while not acknowledging her actions )

Yup and yup. I do the first one very very often. It does seem the most natural and least directly harmful or brutal, but on the other hand I do tend to let things fade and choose to do it more that I should probably. I rarely have had the leisure to do the third "door slam" of the few times some really has hurt me that badly for that long, they are usually connected to another part of my life that I can't avoid (at least for some time after). So like I do the total emotional disconnect, I cannot care even if I wanted to, but also still have to be around the person(s). ALSO YES, the one last chance. It is like a death knell. It's the last nail in the coffin before the heartstring is severed forever. Honestly, as long as I don't give them the "final chance" then they could maybe make up for it and maybe we could have a relationship/friendship in a couple years after healing. But if I give you that chance...oh boy. Use it wisely or you'll never be ripple in my mind again.

One of my friends is a total narcissist and I’ve tried to cut him out twice but it didn’t work because he keeps crawling back. I seriously tried to full door slam twice and he didn’t get the message. And it’s even more infuriating because it’s really easy to tell he doesn’t like me

@@ianhamilton9600 have you tried the "grey rock" method? It's where you become so boring, bland, uninteresting, and unresponsive until he no longer wants to have anything to do with you because you're so blah. What would be even funnier is if you only do that around him, no one else.

INFJ wants to be friend forever? That's the biggest joke I ever heard.

I completely agree with this. Also him/her/them.

INFJs might want to be friends forever, but they are naturally not disposed to valuing long term relationships.

@@KironKrishnan what do you mean by that?

@@TheUniverseBrewer First of all, INFJs use their Ni to find the meaning of and judge the feelings of others. Unlike in the case of systems and actions which make the bulk of "Thinking" judgements, the feeling judgements have a high chance of being inaccurate, as feelings are more changeable and less predictable, more individualistic than INFJs think they are. This often reflects in INFJs making highly wrong choices about judging the feelings of introverted feelers, which makes them good only in the shallow herd that they want themselves to be accepted by. Mature INFJs tend to acknowledge the introverted feelers and be more empathetic, but INFJs don't naturally accept the logic behind it. Second, INFJs proceed by Fe, that too in their auxiliary, which is cool. But the Fe kinda shallow and instantaneous sympathy isn't what that fires a long term relationship. INFJs feel instantaneously and impulsively, but not densely. At any moment, an INFJ is prone to forgetting that relationship isn't all about their personal pleasure but also the other partner. That results in the partner having no clue that INFJ isn't as deep into relationship as they are. This hurts them, and INFJs for the worse have their most stupid defense mechanism to shoo away people who desire long term relationship. And with that, I come to the third point - the stupidest INFJ defense mechanism which is tertiary Ti. As much as INFJs base their decisions on other's feelings, their ego, their inner aspiration is grounded in the assumption that everything they do is logical and vindicated unless they themselves rethink about them. Naturally, this translates to extremely bad at receiving constructive feedback from genuine people. Ti is also responsible for the infamous door slam, it makes sure that over time, INFJ tends to cut off all people who try their best to form long-term relationship with them. INFJs are made for being cult-leaders, insight-providers and a lot of things, but not genuine empathetic relationships.

Yeah, I enjoyed that too!

ROFL! Couldn't stop laughing! Had to pause the video!

🤣😍

It was an INFJ who deleted that scene, another door closer

Atinuke Oyinbo I know, me too!

Atinuke Oyinbo Me too. Seems we are so rare that I don't think I will ever meet another one in real life.

Atinuke Oyinbo hello, I feel the same way.

Ya me too. Sometimes I want to clone myself and hangout with myself

Atinuke Oyinbo We are here with each other in spirit! I know I will find the friend or two who gets me. Quality over quantity.

Same...

well said

EXACTLY HELL YES OMFG.

THIS. It's, like, when I'm at the breaking point and the door slam is the only thing that can save me emotionally.

It sounds very petty and cowardly frankly. and pretentious.

Exactly

For me, the "last straw" was when a manipulative half-sister, who treated me like a shitty slave to her while I was living with her, gave me suicidal tendencies, and gave me a reason to seek out therapy, yelled over the phone, "well, I thought about getting heR a cARD, buT i gUesS i woN'T NOW!" when she overheard I got upset about something that didn't even concern her. Like. Bitch. You think you're the martyr, here?

I can relate

Because you were too much of a coward to talk things over like normal people do. So instead you simply cut them out of your life like they are dead to you. This is the so called “empathy”. What a joke.

I fucking LOVE that.

I just saw this quote today and felt it in my soul!!

You shouldn’t have been such a coward as to not confront the person in the first place and do what’s called COMMUNICATE. instead you act like a chickenshit and cut people out acting like they are dead to you and it’s all in the name of some high minded self righteous concept. Here’s something you probably never considered, oh holy infj: it’s likely no one gives a shit whether you’re in their life or not.

Hahaha i don't want to be a masochist too but this society force me to do it😂

as introverterd as we are, infjs are highly empathetic. we NEED and CRAVE interactions (which also why ppl can wrongly assume infjs as extroverts). if we have narcissistic parents or amoral friends, we mirror them. we became 'not good' and 'bad things' being normal to us bcs that's all we know. it's not us being masochistic. it's just us trying to function the best we can.

@@wienzard36 true that

Same here (but more recently and without the wedding). I did reach out to see if things were ok, but even after that nothing changed. It got so bad it was actually starting to affect me mentally (lonely even though I was with other friends and in other scenarios where I would usually be ok being alone). Now I feel a lot better mentally and feel like myself again in my own company.

No the truly miserable part is that we don’t even want to do it in the first place.

Steven Bakos Surgically removing a piece of you, ghost pain, but it will br forever someone invisible, if this person burned all the infinite forgiveness of any INFJ. Imagine what happens when this "person" is your whole surroundings... Very bad feeling. But usually people try to come back, call you an a.hole, hate you and think you're too cruel, but in the truth, they are all just hypocritically ignoring their part and all the wounds you keep hidden inside yourself. I think the destructive side of infjs start from here. When they hold so many wounds inside them that or they harm themselves or they harm all the world.

Exactly me. I have a very long fuse but when I get to the end of it, it's *done*.

It actually takes me 3 significative situations. If that person steps upon my beliefs or disrespects me for more than 3 times, then he's out. I speak my mind out the first 2 times, though. Hereupon I doorslam. My weak point is definitely my high principles and unbreakable values.

It seems a lot of times I overlook about 5 -the 5th action they do is obvious to others as well as to me that it is totally unacceptable, escalated, disrespectful behavior. You have great points. I think by the 5th action it’s proof to me that it’s bad enough and ok to do it. That’s cool how you made me think about this subject!

Ditto. Takes a lot to get me there too, but when I'm done, I'm pretty much done.

Exactly

Yeah, it’s also a normal human psychological function to go from a place of grays to a place of black and white when we first experience a loss. All humans naturally do it and have to find their way back to the grays in order to fully grieve. Psychoanalytical theory 😉

Lol ikr 🤣 I find comfort in reading all the comments lol, we sure are an interesting bunch.

YES OMG I FEEL SO UNDERSTOOD

I'm actually proud of this quality.

Yep!

Right?!

Do keep in mind, though, that we're also emotionally greedy, needy, and idealistic. When someone doesn't speak the same "love language" as us, we tend to get aggravated but, really, they just don't communicate on the same wavelength. And that's fine - we need to try to listen rather than impose our own ideals. I find myself doing the latter a lot, and it's because I have that INFJ mold of a perfect relationship.

YES. YES. YES. I need, no, I crave deep undertanding in a relationship, and when I can't get that then boom *doorslam* Because as Florence Given said "Don't settle for crumbs when you deserve the whole damn cake"

so true.

Same issue here

💯!!!!!

Good luck with that. I'm 61 and believe no one understands me and no one ever will. Fellow INFJs excluded, of course.

21 staples.. That’s as many as three sevens.

Agreed. Oddl6benough, I took 21 years of shit from my ex and divorced her in year 22.

Forgive them, they know not what they do....

@@peggyesterhuizen4207 After 28 years, yeeah... they ought to know by now, in my case. No reason why I should 'feel bad.'

The silence means they’re already dead to us... like there’s no point in responding because we’ve completely numbed to them emotionally

@@mikaelapierce1819 the good news is no one gives a shit what you think.

Listen to how proud you sound to completely disregard another human being. It’s like you relish in it. You’re just waiting for an excuse to commit evil. Pathetic.

Elise Kuby Absolutely agree!

Elise Kuby its brutal cuz of how the other person feels, i know you wanna word things to feel good about yourself but thats not a good way to use words. It is brutal, dont twist language around for ego.

I agree. We will put up with a lot of bullshit to keep the sanctity of a relationship alive.

Elise Kuby / well said

amen

wow

someone put it in words lol

Yes perfect

And then the egomaniac narcissist enters the picture, and in all his genius can't seem to understand he is trying to charm a cobra. He will be warned multiple times. He will be told the evidence and ammo against him. He will be told that if he forces you to choose between yourself and him that you will, eventually and very painfully, choose yourself. But he won't stop. He knows that your peace of mind and need for solitude keeps you balanced, so he does everything in his power to intrude, and infringe upon you in any way possible. He hates that you can be alone and he is a whore to attention. He hates that his abuse and rape did not break you enough. He is pissed that your own children revealed his sadistic debauchery, and cannot afford to let you process it, because letting you find balance is a bad idea. What he doesn't count on is the strength of your beliefs, and how you have nurtured and fed them your whole life, through molestation, rape as a teenager, abandonment by your dad, and being beaten like a dog as a young adult. He doesn't know that you preserved your ability to love at all costs. He can't even imagine the depth and breadth of your convictions. He has only seen the wishy-washy part of you that made excuses, forgave, and gave concessions out of love. Then you tell him, "remember when you were my self-defense teacher? You taught me that if I am ever in a fight, once I start hitting, don't stop until the motherfucker is down." He forgot about that. It was so many years ago. But you didn't forget. It is part of your life's Big Picture. And all he can say is, "fuck you," when he realizes that you learned more from him than he could ever learn from anybody. And that is the INFJ gift. We learn, digest, absorb, and incorporate all the little shards of meaning from every little experience. Then, just when they think they have us on lock, boom! Not so fast. A lot of bad people get away with a lot of bad shit with INFJs. But the best thing they can hope for is to let us go away. If they don't, well, I'm not sure what happens. I haven't been pushed across that threshold yet, yet.

Patriot77 Hit the nail right on the head. I can't hurt anyone like that, so I am the bad guy, and I accept it. It is easier on me to do it that way.

Yea. I need to get all the way, away from my surrogate. I tried to stay around because I help pay some bills for she won’t(I mean her boyfriend) wouldn’t have to pay all the bills by his self. I but the other day she said she didn’t need me. So I been looking at apartments. Deleted all the social media, and changing my number ASAP No. Negative Vibes

I've come to realize I've been doing it my whole life, ever since I was a child. Just cutting off connections I have no interest any longer, or that harm me in anyway. I consider myself to be a kind person, and very warm to those I like, but when I ghost people that's when I'm usually accused of being cold-hearted. That can explain why I've always had very few friends in my social circle, very picky, and if you no longer have value to me, then we're done.

Know the feels. From another INFJ-T

@@momokat4082 don’t worry I’m positive the people you are out of your life are just as happy to be rid of you.

Omg I completely agreeeee! - Fellow INFJ and Scorpio

omalila Yes! This.

omalila Damn, well said. I need to work on this too.

Well said!!

But what if you door slam after only one mistake? That's my experience with INFJs.

omalila...how well you described what a door slam really is! We are so hard to get, it is very hard to find like minded people.

Dayum to the tee

Wow that's just exactly what it is! How did you manage to perfectly describe it?! I am impressed really 😊

@@ahlambeyoud1709Sadly I guess I've experienced it a lot. 😁

Perfect way to say it!

Omg exactly! You explained it so well. Half the time I think most folks only miss what I gave them rather than actually valuing me as a person. That truth hurts but it’s a truth nonetheless

You seem to be too unforgiving of her flaws. We all have flaws and so do you. So who are you to judge someone else for theirs?

​@@user-qu6xp3jq4cit's alright to have flaws but others flaws are not your problem to deal with sometimes you just have to let go (as they explained in their comment it's not that they're judging them it's about how they have tolerated a person's flaw that is harmful for their mental health so they had to let go and move on for their on sake)

I did the same when my husband's betrayals came to light. Only two friends, a married couple, did what I expected and completely cut him off. I tried with others, but nobody would even look at the evidence I had over his lies about me, and even my neighbors who made a point of saying they believe me (because the asshole raped me!), but they still chatted with him in the driveway. To me, as an INFJ, that is unacceptable. It is gross. Don't tell me you believe me that my husband raped me, refuse to even look at the text where he apologized for doing that, and then think it's ok to still be friends. Maybe it is the idealism. But I don't want to be friends with men who rape their wives. I cut my sister off for way less shit than that. I don't feel badly about it either. I will expect the same loyalty and ethics in others that I am willing to live by myself. No more. No less. It has taken nearly 50 years for me to realize that what I offer as a friend and family member is valuable as hell. I have cried and wished so hard I had a friend that was like me, someone willing to look at hideous shit no matter how badly it sucks, and also willing to stand by their ethical claims in action. As far as I am concerned, all that small-talk, and petty bullshit most people take part in is bullshit. I was a Crossfit coach before my downfall, and if I could have a "me" from that time, to push me and build me back up, I would be a lot better off right now. But I guess it is true that we are rare.

Martick05545 you did the right thing. They weren’t being fair to you.

Lets jump all of them

Sounds like a necessary door slam

Shit bro, similar thing happened to me, I cut all the people from the circle from a recent "doorslam" the one ahole assaulted me at his wedding, and when I privately attempted to deal w him plus my husband he turned around and called for help to "clear his name"... everyone joined in bashing me, as I had anticipated even my BBF whose kids I took care of for 4 years, THEY acting like my no contact was so cruel and harsh... yeah no, people who stand with a rapist against an assault victim have no sympathy from me. It's out and moving on. I dont waste time wanting revenge karma got their justice ready.

Gotye got a taste of INFJ Brutality. I have been thinking of that song ever since I found out that I am INFJ-T 2 months ago. 😂

😂😂😂😂

Rebekah Scheible some bodyyyyyyyyy

I love this song!

I like this song hahahahaha

I did it to my sister! Granted, she is bipolar, and has refused to take medication for 23 years(since diagnosis), and much of her anger was taken out on me. But I still felt like something was wrong with me(as if I don’t care about family), and have had to rationalize many times why I did it.

@@katieandnick4113 Well, so much for the 'compassionate' image of INFJs.

My sister says "You're sweet, until you're scary!"

LOL LOL LOL. Right...

Lol, that’s the most accurate statement ever

Anthony Bogart 😀

Anthony Bogart That part of his personality is called being a prick, sorry.

If I verbally abuse someone out of hurt or anger it’s BRUTAL. Horrible.I sometimes don’t even know where the words come from or remember saying them. And yes I can just walk away..without thought. The powerless feeling is real. Sadly, sometimes, when I burn the bridge I enjoy it 😬Yes, the dog was me, now I just smell smoke and run talking the coffee with me..🤷🏻‍♀️

Dont have to be infj to be one

as all the humans would be.

Man, you may never see this but one way to do this is expressing / speaking up when you are hurt. The right ones will make it up to you, the wrong ones wont care. This is how you know who to keep and who to let go of. Also please I hope you see this cause I am absolutely proud that you realise that this course of action is actually toxic and causes more harm than good. I will you all the best 💖

Lol right

It really sucks to be on the receiving end of this brutal abuse

I did this 2 years ago and I still miss them and somehow justify all the shit they put me through. I keep contemplating whether we should get back but you know what the disrespect is too much and people like them don't change so its better to leave them alone and live our best lives of self-improvement and healthy relationships

Haha, only 2? NPD is an epidemic far more dangerous than COVID and I have zero tolerance for narciness or abuse on any level. So, as soon as they confirm who they really are I ghost em. I think probably 4 or 5 this year so far. No regrets, other than maybe tolerating too much for too long.

Don't feel bad. If they don't respect you, they don't deserve your respect.

Just 2? Lucky you.

@@aadnyc01 5 more this year

"When kicking the unworthy to the curb, kick correctly lest they bounce back to you." ~ Anonymous

Sarah Collins It's just the last straw on the camel's back. After taking their brutality for decades sometimes, we finally have enough. Why are they surprised? That we didn't wise up sooner?

Recovering Soul exactly

You're so right!

Sarah Collins and often as INFJs our boundary setting to the offensive behaviour is so suddle and soft (but feels huge to us) that the other person doesn’t even notice so by the time we are fed up enough to leave forever they feel blindsided and confused,they don’t understand why we have disappeared. I’m convinced the key to this is : 1.) knowing your boundaries 2.) setting them respectfully but forcefully and just sucking up how uncomfortable that feels 3.) learning to identify the types of people that are actually bad fir you very quickly and not forming relationships with them to begin with. What do you think about that? Do you think that would work for other people too?

Thank you! 😕

Slam it Ruth! As I've gotten older I've noticed it's neccessary. It's me or you once you put me in that position.

@@tiffjay4731 Totally agree! I have to put myself first,and when someone's hurt me over and over again it's definitely a must that I slam that door.

Exactly!!

Hard to slam doors at family members' faces :( unfortunately

Of which you obviously have none if you’re so busy being self righteous enough to act like people are dead to you. Maybe they are glad you’re gone. Ever think about that, your holiness?

pamelam4 I could have written the same thing

This whole 'doorslam' concept is infamous when it shouldn't be. All the types do this. All people cut other people out of their lives who are too destructive or abusive or selfish. But INFJs get shit for it because of all the types, we understand you the most, so like he says, we let things go on for far too long. And selfish, immature, thoughtless people take that for granted (like everything else) and they start to assume it doesn't matter what they do, because INFJ will always rationalize their behavior and forgive them, and never leave. But they're wrong. We're kind. We're not morons.

pamelam4 they can't.

pamelam4 I was the INTP who pushed the INFJ. I guess I just have to deal with it. She tried to get through to me, but I just too shy & didn’t know what to do with the kindness she was showing me. So I pushed her away again and again, and now she’s done, understandably. But you live and you learn, I guess. (Sorry if I’m over sharing)

pamelam4 I was the INTP who pushed the INFJ. I guess I just have to deal with it. She tried to get through to me, but I just too shy & didn’t know what to do with the kindness she was showing me. So I pushed her away again and again, and now she’s done, understandably. But you live and you learn, I guess. (Sorry if I’m over sharing)

I’d be more scare of pissing off an INFJ than a narcissist tbh 🙃

I was in love with an ENTP, she was so confident I would never leave her and started treating me more poorly every day. I can't say it wasn't somewhat my fault, because I let her mistreat me and still was super kind, but one day I was just done and suddenly cut her off. In my pov it wasn't that much brutal, bc i don't even think she really cared about me. But the point is, we're (speaking for myself) usually nice to the people we like, so i understand the confusion.

andyawe13 I almost think being too emotionally exhausted to put out someone else's fires all the time is a blessing of self protection in disguise.

I've re-connected with a friend I cut ties with but ultimately it was me who apologized again. I wasn't so sure about if I was big too demanding or if they were just so selfish and uncompromising but I've also realized I've become less nice than before all this mess. I wish there was a way to get close again and get that same level of niceness

I feel more powerful now that I can be a little more assertive, even mean sometimes. I just recently told a co- worker who I considered a friend, albeit a wishy-washy one, that I am done w her & we spend 40 hrs a week in the same office space. My boss likes to try to keep the females from jumping on each other & insists that we at least say good morning & I told her I would not & have not. Lol. It’s been months.. And yes someone mentioned low tolerance, that is so me. I just can’t.

Exactly. You mourn the loss of the relationship because you know it's coming to an end, then when you do get out and you're calm, everyone thinks you're heartless for "not caring." I cared when I was trying to fix the relationship, I cared when I saw everything was falling apart and so was I, but when I decided to leave, I was all out of caring. And when I did leave, I was glad. People kept telling me about not giving up or that I didn't put enough work in to fix the relationship instead of throwing it away, but what is wrong with people who only care about a relationship when the other person leaves? Why was I expected to stay with a man through thick and thin if he wasn't going to love me? And to fix him if he wasn't willing to fix himself, and expected my entire person and identity to revolve around his whims, and to sacrifice my life to make him look good? Maybe for some people the title "relationship" is enough without any actual connection, but if I will not be loved, I will not be staying. It's as simple as that.

Same! Watching this video brought me back to how I felt when I broke off a relationship. I was a nervous wreck and emotional while together but once I had made up my mind it was nothing but relief. I had done all my mourning ahead of time and by the time it was done I was over it

Oh my gosh. Yes! I knew my last relationship was going to end before it did. Cried like hell. By the time he pulled the plug, I didn't cry. I was all cried out. It was almost a relief.

brittyb300 Amen! I def do it out of self preservation!

Ever since I cut the cord and changed my name on FB, it's been bliss.

Wow, that drowning analogy perfectly describes how I felt after years of abuse from my ex. Any time I found the strength to leave, he would swoop in to get me back and tell me he’s changed. It was like a roller coaster from hell, until I finally got off.

That was so dramatic.

@@timefortee If i was tilted just a bit more, I was ready to show him hell on earth. lol and plus, if you are an INFJ you know our lives are full of unwanted drama.

@@johnnyyoonifier4657 I'm proud of your patience 🌼💗🎉

yeah like that's something to be proud of 🙄🙄🙄

EXACTLY! Perfectly put. Recently had this experience with my mom 😒 I've been trying for years and years but it's pointless and I've realized that now for the last couple years. She's very toxic and basically said that my boundaries (me distancing myself from her) were hurting her boundaries, that I was invalidating her, and basically abusing her for putting some distance between us so that we don't continue such a toxic cycle... Some people will never get it and will make you out to be the meanie-pants because they have the complete lack of ability to take responsibility for their own actions and mistakes. I have no qualms with mercilessly cutting people out of my life now (whereas I did before I wisened up) if need be. Even my blood related family members. If you don't respect me and treat me decently then why should I give you any power in my life???

Belladress, that was an excellent explanation.

AMEN!

But what if only one mistake or miscommunication was made? Other types like myself, an ENFP, see you INFJs as having too little patience or grace. Meaning one mistake = burned bridge.

Matthew Blom What you see as ONLY one mistake may be a thousand mistakes to an INFJ. You fail to see the other 999. They didn’t even register to the person who made them. But the INFJ lived through them, made explanations for them, forgave them, endured more, tried to compromise with, forgave more, endured more- but eventually the INFJ realizes that the other person never recognized the 999 things. And this 1 thing is just the straw that broke the camel’s back. And the relationship will never improve because the other person never got it, never will get it. It’s best to rip the bandaid. Doorslams are never based on one incident. But one incident will be the breaking point.

Well said! Completely relate 😢

This is probably the only reason people are shocked by an 'INFJ doorslam'. It's because of their ego. The relationship has been all about what they want, what they need, how they feel, that INFJ isn't even part of it anymore. And if people recognize that, it's a very natural progression, from not being treated like you're an essential part of the friendship; to ending it. But it's also the reason they never see it coming. Because /they're/ happy. So everything is fine.

exactly.

Janet Baker sage advise and I’m doing just that. The friend circle is pretty much depleted and unfortunately the dating pool is in drought status 😂.

Sweet . I feel you and I just did this to a 36 year friendship. Was a lead up. Nothing too shocking when it kicked in- just brutal logic .

crowechick66 yay drought

Very much so

So true!

Isn't it shocking how they never think we will do it? My husband was so shocked I thought he might have a heart attack. Yet, I warned him for nearly three years. Duh.

Yup!

I have a port. Where I ship them all off form.

Wendy Norrell self defence can be brutal, try not to sweet coat words for ego. Be *brutally honest* with yourself and clarity follows.

Now, this is a story worth sharing. I think a lot of us have thought about leaving our current life in search of something more fulfilling and even as a kid I imagined "different country" to be the answer.

You just described my dream! Only 6 more years until my youngest child is grown. My partner of 10 years (ISTJ) and I (INFJ) have, on many occasions, talked and dreamed about moving away and only telling the kids where we are. You actually DID IT!!! That’s so amazing! You should write a book.

Jane Hi Jane I hope you and yur partner's dream becomes a reality.About the book,I thought of a few titles.Just having fun with the idea. My journey to the country where I now reside took an hour by plane,this could be incorporated into the title.Hete are some of my ideas. 1. "One Hour from Self" 2. "One Hour from Torment" 3. Know Your Place" 4."Catapulting into a new Realm" 5."Patience a Virtue or a Hinderence" 6 "Glutton of all Gluttons" (referring to the saying ,glutton for punishment) Maybe someday I will write a book Jane,you never know. It was fun to think of titles.All the best.🌹

I want to do that so much. I don't really want to be so far away from my kids, but the idea of just dropping all connections and moving on is very, very attractive. I think in a former life, I might have been a hobo.