He's not wasting my time, I'm wasting my own time.

The simplest, clearest rule of thumb: look for guys whose actions align with their words.

If a man tells you he doesn’t want a relationship with you, but behaves as he does, that’s the end of the story. His actions say he wants friends with benefits, no strings attached. In other words...you’re holding the spot until he finds what he really wants WITH SOMEONE ELSE!

stop 👏 giving 👏 boyfriend👏 privileges 👏 to 👏 guys 👏 who 👏 are 👏 not 👏 your 👏 boyfriend

“This relationship comes without a title” that sums it all up. He wants the “girlfriend experience” whenever it suits him. Not the girlfriend.

If a man tells you he doesn’t want a relationship, BELIEVE HIM. He might continue to see you with no strings attached. Don’t be a no strings girl.

I forget where I heard this, but it cuts to the chase. “A relationship is like a shark, if it’s not moving, it’s dead.”

I had a man who wouldn’t stop saying things like “im not a good person” “you shouldn’t get attached to me” while being an amazing person in our relationship. I thought oh naurrr why would you degrade yourself that much? I will save you with the power of love… Well guess what? He was the worst thing that ever happened to me and I wish I took those words seriously 🤡 If people tell you who they are, believe them.

If someone says they don't want a relationship but behave as though they are in one, they are using you as a placeholder. They get the benefits without the commitment. Then when someone "better" comes along, they can say they were truthful and said they didn't want a relationship with YOU. They know what they're doing.

Don't settle for less,girls. Always put yourself first.❤️

I guess another way for saying this is to just make sure his words and actions are aligned, and also that they align with what you're looking for.

When they are doing everything but say I don’t want a relationship. They are wanting the “girlfriend experience” without any responsibilities and expectation.

"I don't want a relationship " is code for "I'm looking for someone hotter ".😒 until I find it I'll let you give me your best.

This video literally came five minutes after I left him ..... Cause he's wasting my time. Thanks for confirming my suspiciouns though ^^

In other words "if you want to know someone's true intentions, ensure their words and actions align"

No one can waste your time unless you allow them to do .

For me personally, if I notice that someone's actions & words aren't in alignment, I feel that it indicates they're not in alignment with themselves. Therefore they're not someone I want to invest energy in 🤷🏻‍♀️

if a guy tells me that he doesn't want a relationship, I will trust what he said, end of story, no more drama, no time wasting.

Yeah, really listen because guys can say: “ I could see myself with a girl LIKE you..” that’s not him saying he could see himself with YOU. Lol

If you spend more than three days worried about his feelings, dump him. If he was sincere about you he will come back. If he wasn’t, you didn’t waste time, and good riddance

Biggest lesson in 2020 Met a covert narc and his words were beautiful in love bombing stage but his actions didn't match his words and was stringing me along and wasted my time. Do yourself a favour and be ruthless when it comes to men. We are worth more than a situationship.

the progression to a relationship should be effortless. It should feel like you're in the flow. When you have these doubts come up thats triggered by the red flags that a sign to take a step back and reevaluate if this relationship is still for you. You are worthy of a great love ❤

That's EXACTLY what happened to me: I started going out with this guy that I fell in love within the first two months, we were going out from the beginning as if we were already in a relationship, going out like 5 times a week, sleeping in each other's place. Three months in, I asked the question "do you want to make this official"? And that day, it broke my heart cause he said "I think there's something missing, so no" and me, as a desperate person, I humiliated myself saying "well.. then lets just keeping being friends with benefits!" (because I didn't want to let him go, and I also had the hope that he would realize that the "thing missing" is already there, and dating me was the right choice). The thing is, after that I felt that I had something to prove and felt that I wasn't good enough, so for the next 3 months I was going the extra mile 100%, trying to show how perfect we are together... and then, I asked the question again (we were going out for 6 months at that point). And he said "no... I dont want a relationship yet". So, I died inside and left. But I never understood how! "How is there something missing? we behave like couples, we have mutual respect! It feels like a partnership! How is there something missing??" Anyway, we went apart, to different countries even, for 5 months, without communication, until he sent me a message. He said he was going on with his life, keeping himself busy, going out with other girls, but he couldn't stop missing me. So, we decided to meet. We got back together, we now live together and we are creating a life together. We support each other's dreams, and we are a true team. But I am not gonna lie, it took me a solid half a year to trust him again, to trust the situation, to actually believe that he liked me and not that he just couldn't find anyone better... At the beginning, I was really insecure thinking he would just wake up one day and change his mind and leave, and he understood that. He understood that because of how he treated me in the past, I needed more reassurance of his feelings for me, and indeed, I saw how much work and effort he puts in making me feel loved! So, what I am trying to say is "YEAP, actions speak louder than words". It felt like he loved me the way I loved him, even if he wasn't saying it.

For the flip one: And then when they get you. They leave. That’s a player mentality

I imagine there are a whole set of guys that habitually act in relationship-type ways but refuse the label, because it means they get all the close feelings without the need to ever 'break up' - they can just drift casually into another label-less relationship, with the same tantalising lack of accountability. And the woman then wants the guy even more because she knows she doesn't really have him, so he feels super desired and his ego inflates even more - which makes him want to keep living in such a way.

I'm honestly wondering how some girls get the girlfriend title these days. There's so many players and non-committal men. And even the ones with girlfriends cannot be trusted. I know because they are always pursuing me, trying to involve me in sh*t that I have no desire to be a part of.

I just have a very easy way to avoid this: be clear and talk to them what you want. Be honest and that is it! If he or she does not communicate their honest intention and stop bothering about their behaviour or what they said. Just confront and if they do not reply in the way you want, move on! As simple as that. I am tired of hearing that we should be looking for red flags and etc.. I just continue to be honest and tell people right in their face what I want. I am tired of interpreting what they might think or feel. Just be f*cking honest to each other and stop wasting each others time!

THANK YOU I have been in this type of relationship for a few months , where he would say that "no women he'll marry will ever be as special as i am" but at the same time that "he doesnt see me that way" . About 3 months ago , i decided i'm over with it. I just told him for one last time that this "relationship" doesnt match what i want in life , i was highkey waiting for him to hold me back , to tell me that he actually wants something serious , but no he didnt . A few weeks later i started regretting my decision and started to find him excuses , i started thinking that maybe i was rushing him (LOL) so this video came ON POINT. The problem isnt in me , the problem is him , he is the one who doesnt know what he wants and i DESERVE better. Thank you for this strenghtening video ❤

I'm a simple minded person. If a guy says, he doesn't want a relationship, I leave him alone and search for a guy, who want a relationship with me.

I've always explained my action plan as "Listen to the hesitation." Whether the hesitation is expressed through words or actions, hesitation is the #1 red flag a woman should watch for. Enthusiasm vs hesitation. Which one sounds more fun? I looked for a man who was completely enthusiastic about being wirh me, confident about me, sure about me. It was worth the wait to live this happy now.

This video has helped me a lot. I think my BF of 2 yrs will never want to get married. I don’t like his mom any way. Thanks for showing me the light.

Take mixed signals as a NO Next! If a guy can't communicate and action on it You'll find somebody whose actions will match his words..

I would say “to know someone’s intentions watch their actions and make sure they are congruent with their words.” This way you’re still paying attention to actions but you’re also looking for consistency. You don’t want a scenario when he says he wants you and doesn’t act like it, or he says he doesn’t want (to be with) you and acts like it. Either scenario is going to make you doubt yourself and chip away at your self-esteem.

You know if someone is wasting your time, often we just don’t want to accept it / start over.

29 years old and I still don’t know how it feels to be loved.

HOLY. This video was like a sign from heaven for me. I was in this exact scenario where the guy said he didn’t want a relationship with me but kept me in a convincing unofficial relationship so I was confused. I blamed myself for so long because he had always been upfront with me but his actions gave me hope for something more, so I ignored his words because I thought I knew what his heart really wanted - based off his actions. I waited for him to be ready and he never was. It took me 9 months to leave him and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. It just happened two days ago and I’m heartbroken and struggling. I’ve been asking for a sign telling me I did the right thing. This is it. Thank you so much Matthew. 😩💕

Hahaha that was a brilliant comparison to the pharma commercials!

The only person who has made me from nothing to something is Matthew..I was lost completely but u made me so strong and I thankyou for that.. I have been following your advises for more than 3 years now and that has made me so self reliant and a person with self respect..I never commented before but today I needed to hear what u said in the video.. A big thankyou to you from girls like me❤️

Someone commented: “read the small print gals.” I agree. Exactly. And, if you’re not sure: ASK! He’ll tell you he’s not interested. Makes it easier cause now you know for sure instead of relying on hopes and assumptions.

Matthew darling, you’ve already said it in another video: Attention DOES NOT EQUAL intention.

I have never been approached by a guy that wasn't lying. Sometimes it took months for me to catch on to it or even a year but they presented themselves as the person they thought I wanted and when I found out that's not who they are I had no chance but to leave. A lot of dating advice is for honest people who deal with other honest people. I would love dating advice for honest people who don't want to get screwed but also don't want to give up hope that good decent and honest people exist and that I can be with one of those.

The best predictor of a person's future behaviour with you is their past behaviour.

I guess at the end of the day we all just hope that regardless of what he says he wants right now, that maybe he would see how amazing we are and change his mind. It’s that hope that keeps us hanging on and it’s so sad and so hard!

The best thing about a forum like this is that we not only learn from Matt but also get to see that there are so many of us that fall for the same bs. These type of men continue their game because it has proven to be successful. Meanwhile we end up getting our feelings hurt. It always comes back to make ourselves priorities and paying attention to our gut feelings.

The Supremes said it best: "Set me free why don't cha babe Get out my life why don't cha babe 'Cause you don't really love me You just keep me hangin' on".

Great topic but I may add something to consider! Many people like the feeling doing all the couple things because it feels good but then when the not so pretty part of a relationship comes up we don't want it. And that may be part of the equation of their actions, they want the good part but not the commitment and compromising part. Thanks for all the great advice you give through your channel Mr. Matthew Hussey!

Read the smallprint gals.

This is called future faking. Narcissists are notorious for it.

Matthew . Is it just me or are you getting more handsome in this quarantine ? 😂 Drop that skincare routine, brother ! 😂

i lived someone telling me no relationship, but doing all the right things. we dated for years, finally got married and 8 months later crumbled. i learned to listen because people will tell you.

‘He might LOSE YOU and all the privilege you are giving him, yet he still clarifies it fOR “YOU” that “HE DOESN’T WANT A RELATIONSHIP”. I’ve never seen/heard anyone explain this as clearly as Matthew did! Finally understood the importance of it! THANK YOUUUUUUU

Yesterday I broke up with a guy I really liked because I wanted a realtionship when he didn’t. He did and said exactly everything Matthew was showing in this advertisement clip of his... That‘s a weird coincidence but good to hear though!! Thanks Matthew ❤️

I needed this video right now. He’s buying me things, being physical and attentive but with the disclaimer “I don’t want a relationship.” I was so confused but need to listen to his words , over his actions. Thank you!

Yet again you said something sooooo deeply meaningful in such less time and the most fun way possible

I dated a guy this summer who fits this description perfectly. He told me upfront that he wasn’t looking for something serious, just for the summer because we go to colleges two hours away. But then he behaved as if we were in a real relationship. He would take me on lovely dates - we went mountain biking, kayaking, motorcycle rides, hiking, go karting, restaurants, and so much more. He introduced me to his family and friends. He spent so much money on me on these dates, insisted on paying for everything, and really prioritized me even though I knew he was busy with work and classes. He never pushed me to do anything physically that I wasn’t comfortable with. I mean, it’s no secret what he wanted, but he respected my boundaries. I enjoyed spending time with him, but I was confused - his words and actions didn’t quite match up. But judging by his actions, how could you blame me for thinking he wanted to take this seriously? I got my hopes up, but it was all in vain. I guess he was getting sick of waiting around for me because I saw some messages on his phone from another girl, and that was unacceptable to me. Even though we were never officially exclusive, it still really hurt. I quickly got up and left and didn’t make a big deal about it. And that was the end of that. I’m still confused on why exactly he invested so much time and money into me. Was it because there was no one better around? Either way, I now know to beware of guys whose words don’t match their actions. This video was a great reminder of that, so thank you Matthew!

Been there, done that, almost three months in, he didn't want to date exclusively (I assumed we were, never assume!). I wished him well and goodbye. Never give somebody privileges if you both haven't vocalized clearly where you stand. Don't feel bad or guilty, standards in your life come with experiences. It's a lesson learned. He is the bad person for taking advantage even though he knew from the beginning what my intentions were, going that far is what nasty people do for their own gain.

This message reminded me of a guy from a few months ago who said up front he wasn't ready for a serious relationship since he just got out of a 2 year one, with the woman I'm sure he thought he'd marry. I could see he was a good man and his heart was broken to break her heart. He in no way was ready. I was his rebound, which is always one of my worst fears. Same thing Matthew is saying here, his actions weren't mirroring those words of not wanting the relationship and I knew if I I invested any more time in him, he'd ended up breaking my heart, whether it was in two more months or two more years. For example, if he really thought I was great, he wouldn't have even said that stuff after several weeks of talking went by. My brother met his wife 3 weeks after a very difficult break-up and they have been married 11 years now with three beautiful children. So guys, just be honest. Don't be nice and lie for her feelings. This guy in my case was just sparing my feelings. He just didn't want me except for an ego boost. Oh well. Other fish in the sea!

Perfectly put... and it’s so much harder to take a stand against someone who has spoken their truth... when I chose to end it he claimed he didn’t mean it but there was ‘shadow behavior’ that backed his true feelings against commitment. Things like talking about the future in terms of “I “ and “me”. Never buying gifts or small tokens of love (yes, I stayed through my birthday, Christmas,and Valentines Day and there was always a reason, excuse, and promise that next time he’s going to give me ‘something special’. Don’t walk, run when they say, “I don’t think I want (to commit in whatever form).

I met someone who initially said he didn't want a relationship, matched all the actions in this video, then asked to BE in a relationship (to which I said we need to have some time to think about it cause the person was getting over a breakup), only for him to then flip the script and say I expected more from him and he doesn't want to be in a relationship with ME. He then asked to be "friends" and I'm so glad I walked away from that. Huge lesson but if someone is confused you gotta let them be

This this THIS!! This is probably one of my top 3 favorite videos from you. So well done and EXACTLY what I have been looking for in the past. Thank you!!!!

Omg...I LOVED the ‘small print’ analogy...well done guys, another brilliant video 👌🏻

Stop giving girlfriend loyalty to people who haven’t given you the boyfriend commitment.

Matthew Hussey..Ur emotional intelligence is beyond compare.. U r a blessing to the world..

He maybe doing all these things just because he wants to feel the experience of having a relationship with no commitment. Don’t let him do this!

The guy I am talking to straight up told me he doesn’t know what he wants and he is still on his own journey to figure things out. Which i have respected and never tried to show “oh i can be this great girlfriend date me” we literally are super silly and goofy. We DO NOT sleep together or do relationship things he is the most respectable guy I ever meet. He never leads me on, he knows his boundaries. We talk almost everyday I never Initiate the conversation. I just learned that sometimes people are on their own love journey. We should just enjoy our moment. It’s never a waste of time if you are happy. Also huge mistake to sleep with a guy who doesn’t know what he wants or even give him boyfriend treatment. He told me he takes along time to trust and like someone, he has never been in a relationship but I love spending time with him, we grew to be such great friends. I hope we all can find someone who starts off as your very best friends. What ever happens between me and him in the future is resting in gods hands 🙏🏽

Sounds to me like a get out clause in case something better comes along. Pretty cruel way to treat her, being all lovely but she doesn't really know where she stands. He's a fake, don't feel sorry for him, he knows perfectly well what he's doing. Let him go, she deserves someone true 💖💖

Actions + words = clear intentions! Love how Matthew didn;t just focus on the Action part. A person could be doing everything right but have no intention to commit.

Specifically do NOT waste your time with someone who has a personality disorder. If you've been experiencing weird inexplicable patterns that you can't get out of, please educate yourself on this subject and save yourself your time and sanity. All the best of luck to people going through a difficult time Xx

Wow! This is the first video I saw when I woke up this morning and it is exactly the message I needed to hear!🙌🏻Thanks, Matthew.

Needed to see that i had this question in my mind too.😊 clever one!

great quotes " I have feelings for you but I don't know what to ask myself I can't do relationship now but that doesn't mean I won't no question with attraction I just have no energy then we bcam "friends' and had frequent communication.then I found out he had ENERGY for a relationship and with his new a year and half without telling.

I dont mind about relationships im here to see this guy with a good heart

I have been watching your videos for a few days now. I see so many mistakes I made that was my pattern all my life. I also see that something has been very very wrong on his end as well and I am able to move on now thanks to really learning so many things that now make perfect sense. Thank You so much.

Basically words should be proven by actions! I want both yes!!!

This is so true and fantastic awareness. Thank you for speaking truth!

its not about the action, its not about the words.... its about alignment...consistency... if actions align with words, words align with action, if not.... you ARE wasting your time✌🙏

Exactly what I needed to hear right now! Thank you, Matthew ❤️

I've definitely experienced all of the above, I just think a lot of men (and woman too) don't really know what they want? Or they are ruled by head and not heart, or heart and not head...such a disconnect...and they haven't taken the time to really figure all of this out...so maybe also boils down to self awareness and maturity levels? I watch now for when head and heart don't seem to be working together, a red flag telling me that something is off. Love this video, you rock. Just looked up Kevorka..."the lure of the animal" LOL

Why settle for something less when you can get more, put yourself first and know your value😉.

Mathew you're so smart and creative in your articulation of all these principles.

It's simple. When the storm come, he will say: I've always been honest about I didn't want a relationship. He's playing safe.

If he says I don’t want a relationship yet behaves like he’s in one …it’s up to you to walk away…a man/woman will do what you allow! this hurt when I was told 😩 🤯but it’s true 😘 as someone who just got out of a bad relationship…I’m not ready for another yet…but if I was to meet someone amazing …I’d be honest and say “ not now but also not never. Let’s be friends and move slow see where it goes “ and sleeping with them wouldn’t happen for a while ( less confusion ) and if he can’t respect that …I run 🙋🏼‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

Spot on!! Creative video and to the point, very insightful!❤💯

If this video is taken recently (August 2020), you are looking good and well Mathew! Thank you for all of the videos, insight and help with finding ourselves and building the relationships we want.

From my experience, if someone genuinely likes you, it will happen, you will meet. If not, let it gooooo.

I'd say, if you want to know someone's intentions, watch what they say and what they do. If their words and actions are the opposites, move on!!

it’s crazy how this and another video on the same topic just came out of no where to me when things are so complicated with this man

I completely agree with you cause I have wasted so long with this issue. I'm just happy that I get to choose for myself 😊

Tea break learning! Amazing advice I’m definitely switched on after years of watching Matthew’s videos. It takes time to process and practise - but you get WOKE in the end. 😀I feel inner happiness hearing Matthew speak. 💪🏻👌🏻thank you Matthew. 💖

You’re literally so clever Matthew 😘

💯 never waste anyone's time. Quit and let it go

YES!! Those small prints are CRUCIAL to notice, always choose yourself if someone’s words don’t follow their actions! ✨

I think when it comes to love & relationships, actions ought to line up with words. Otherwise, trust would be non-existential I guess. Its an important foundation to up-keeping a relationship that's strong and lasting. Talking about strong, I have never been with a guy who does well in the moral and ethics department and I really want that in my quest for ever-lasting love!

This is great. You’re hilarious but also thank you I needed exactly this right now. I literally just ended something that mirrors exactly what you describe. It’s very difficult to be in my 30’s, stay motivated to date and be confident the right person for me is out there. Especially when a person thinks it is normal to say he wants me to come live in New York with him-I live in Miami-several weeks ago and two days ago trying to break up with me so that he “doesn’t lead me on further” because he FEELS that I want something more serious than he’s ready for right now. 🤯🤯🤯

When i was 20, you were about 5. But I sure do wish there could be time travel. Only now I’m earning what you teach. Would have saved me soooooo much time!

Well said. He just needs emotional and physical connection but has no plans to fully commit.

A guy told me that he loved me, he said he wanted to marry me, and he tried many times to sleep with me at same time which i refused. He promised me if i sleep with him he will marry me within a week, i still refused. The next day someone else who knew him well told me he was already married from last two years. I was shocked. When i asked him about this, he answered “ cant a man marry second time?”... OMG,. 😭😢

This was a great video Matthew because this just happened to me. Everything was going great but when I asked about our relationship, he said he doesn't want anything long term. I walked away...

Thank you Matthew. You've saved me a lot of pain. 🙏❤

Background is sooo beautiful😍 full of books!!! And thank you for sharing great insight.