Totally

Dude yes there’s nothing right about them like red flag warnings going off

Got to learn to follow our gut instincts

Yes!

Yep!

Yes it is! I am finally showing myself some empathy.💟

😬

Yes!

..yes.

@@realhealing7802 me too

Absolutely. Because it is concerned with how other people perceive you. Maybe distinguish between people who have natural charisma because of how wholesome they are versus people who want to learn it as a means to get their way.

My ex abuser was quiet but charming, I should have known better. He also didn’t have any genuine friends just associates.

So funny- I used to think that too. It’s now my #1 warning flag. Supper charismatic people send my Spidey senses into overdrive. I’m literally repulsed.

Charisma is the best skill a person could have if the person is a motivator speaker like Tony Robbins. The more Charismatic the better. Even Tony Robbins tone down off stage, but he is a little hyper from ADHD. Hahaha 😄😄

@A M Hmmm... is that why my friend tried to turn people off from me when they shower me with kind words? Was he jealous of my natural charisma? Or just want me all to himself?

Sometimes they kick up their antics first, and then try hard to shove their other supply down your throat as one person did to me. I could never figure out why she kept doing it after months of it not working.

Def. Was happily not in a relationship till this current abusive one Then it was "well it's sad you have up", "love will find you", "there's someone out there for everyone", "you shouldn't give up", "don't you want a family of your own some day", "you WANT to die alone" Constant peer pressure to be in a relationship. Social pressure, media pressure. So much judgement. Then there's the people "well, maybe it's a good thing no one likes you", "you're not the best at wording things, you're probably single because of that", "if you wore your makeup different, maybe.....", "Not like you dress to impress" trying to rationalize why you're single because it couldn't possibly be by choice. Last I recall, my body my choice. If I want to share myself with another, that is my decision and no one else's to make. Mind your own business unless I ask your opinion. Simple. Why can't people butt out? Because we, as a society, have been groomed to harass one another to be as similar as possible.

@@sunsetkitty2932 yes its ridiculous, especially if you're around 25/30 and you're not dating or living together with someone.. it's just as rude as asking why a couple doesn't have kids yet.. people; mind your own business! My sister got very depressed a while ago and stopped watching Instagram /Facebook since everyone around her got married, bought a house together or got their first kid and at 28 she feels like she "has to" have a boyfriend or she will be "behind"... while I said to her; everyone has their own story.. be glad you dont have children yet or would be able to travel as much as she did... People are driving other people crazy with their ideals.. my ex MIL wanted to be a grandmother, but I was like no thank you.. Im not getting a kid because you want to be a grandmother.. it has to be my choice, not hers... Ive even heard stories where women were almost forced to have children even when they didn't want to... Or did it just to please their parents/inlaws..

@@sunsetkitty2932 Curious, where do you reside where that butting in happens? Because where I'm from (city in CA), no one is that judgmental, and having no children is deemed as a smart decision

Some of us are so exhausted after being in relationship with narcs that we don't have the energy for even healthy relationships. The solitude is good to reflect and learn to be ok with being alone, realizing you don't have to be lonely. I enjoy my own company these days.

@@sunsetkitty2932 absolutely. I married the ex narc later ,, mid thirties. Every family wedding, funeral, gathering someone was inquiring, questions in a negative way as though I was abnormal to be single. That had no influence in marrying the quiet, shy covert Narc. Or, did it ? I wanted to cancel the wedding and regret that I did not. Beware, if any single person has good job, owns a home, car, etc you are a target for these predators, be very careful and take Time, a long time before making any commitment. They observe you owning a condo, home, nice card, remember, it is A Transaction for them. I wish I had said it wasn't mine, just family owned . Much better never to reveal your financial status at all . He now dates a wealthy widow, Not by accident. He seeks out those with pensions, steady jobs with good pay, widows with $$$$$$$$$$. BEWARE

Agree

Very profoundly said. That's me, I find peace in my own space and company, especially after the breakup with the Narc. Thank God! 🦋

I’m enjoying my alone time post-narc. He’s imploding with the alone time. It is interesting to know how differently we handle being alone with our own souls.

If you can't stand your own company, you're usually right 😁

Unfortunately, society tells us we must be in a relationship. It's almost as if our value is determined by our relationship status Look how people look down single mothers? Most women are in bad relationships because they don't want to be single mothers. If tell people you are single, you get funny looks. Am single right now by choice not because no one desires me

Nope that doesn't save you. I got into a situation like this by initiating it myself. I had known her for months and I didn't spot the issues. She was actually hesitant at the beginning but after that it was love bombing and all the rest that follows after. She reeled me in with a victim story of abuse. I've got some narcissistic behaviour in my family and I guess that's what got me attracted. The childlike behaviour.. but the good traits. Unfortunately I didn't want to see the lack of accountability, the lack of empathy and the lack of emotional maturity.

I'm naturally like that because I now what is it to suffer and giving love and help to others is my way of conjuring my past in a way. I can't support to see someone feeling bad or alone and I'm always nice and empathetic with everyone but I learned since I've met my husband to not being used for my love of others. I know that I'm like that because I've been mentally abused during 20y by my mother, step father, brother and a lot of times the rest of my family and since I was all alone and vulnerable I've been abused and r*ped by a pedophile 50y older than me from 12y old to 15y old and I've never said anything while being so depressed and lost because my parents always said that I was not normal, crazy and a problematic child so I thought that everything was my fault. I did years of therapy after leaving the house to live with my current husband when I was 20 and since then I'm happier than I've ever been and being happy, nice, having a lot of amazing friends, a wondeful life and giving to others what I never had while growing up is my way of doing a ginormous middle finger to the people who treated me like a doormat all these years. Today my mom is dead, she died in 2018 after 9y of fight against breast cancer, I don't speak with my brother since 8y now and I don't care at all about him anymore I just whish happiness to him but far away from me and now that my step dad is alone he thought a lot about the past and understand why I'm an amazing person and always have been. He apologized to me and said that I'm the stronger and smartest person he ever met because even if they treated me so badly I never did anything bad to them or anyone because I know what is it to suffer and I don't hold any hatred or grudges against them and for this I'm a best person that he'll ever be. He changed a lot and is more peaceful today but it doesn't change the fact that he abused mentally a little girl and didn't protect or help her when he discovered her full of scarification scars and wanting to kill herself. I'm 100% sure that if everybody was giving more love, empathy and sympathy to everyone around themselves the world will be a better place and if someone say I'm stupid to not be more selfish I'll just answer that when I'll look at myself in the mirror at the end of my life I'll be able able to look proudly into my eyes and say that I've never been like my parents and fought the darkness of this world everyday of my life. I'll maybe never change the world but I already changed the life of a lot of people and their smiles are the best gifts I can recieve in return. Stay strong yall because any bad period of your life is gonna end one day. Life is already difficult enough so it's "stupid" to spread conflicts, hatred, loneliness or any other bad thing, spread love, generosity and empathy instead 😉

or autistic?? tf man

I disagree. I think many of us empaths are like that. We just authentically like deep personal connections. There is no using in it. It’s lovely to see another human being thrive. Which can make it hard to tell if you are connecting with a broken empath or a narcissist. Time really is the only way to tell.

Right?! I’ve learned from her for 5 years or so now. Thank you so much Dr. Ramani!!

I agree!

@@patricehoward9831 What the hell are you talking about??

I agree! She's incredible ❤🙌❤

Yes 🙌

Yup. The gifts come at a price. There’s this sentiment of “you owe me” whatever the y give you it’s not genuine.

Jesus... now I know why I have such a hard time accepting gifts. From anyone. This makes so much sense now. I was so used to gifts/kindness being used to manipulate me as a child.... rarely based on genuine love or care.

Wow, yet another inconsistency clarified for me. I have resigned to the fact that nothing in this relationship was genuine but it is still hard to face even more in hindsight.

They try to ingratiate themselves to you so it becomes a transactional relationship. Once they get what they want, devaluing starts.

And he would give me things/do things that had no meaning to me & ignore what I'd asked for, he'd pile on the odd, meaningless stuff, expecting my gratitude....pay attention to such...

Wow!

It's from Bojack Horseman, I love that quote!

Million percent

Agree. Because they are covertly trying to control the relationship and getting away with bad behavior.

Like pedding a pup

👍

The love bombing stage is the grooming stage.

That’s part of why it’s dangerous to confront a narcissist. Particularly if they are the vengeful type. Not all of them are, necessarily.

Or at least try to destroy you! Finally getting out of a 4-1/2 yr relationship! 2 of those years we’ve been divorced, and I have been attempting to set boundaries of friends with NO BENEFITS! I’ve succeeded, but with a price of my health getting worse. My siblings and adult sons have all npd tendencies,so needless to say I hung on out of loneliness till I finally realized it is just not worth it! Looking to begin a great new chapter in my life even if I am disabled and alone! Blessings ❤️

@@mariamartinez5618 I’m so sorry for what you’ve had to go through. It’s so difficult. Being lonely inside a crown is so much worse than being lonely on your own. At least you don’t have to wear a mask, don’t have to pretend, don’t have to walk on eggshells or any of the sort; you find you can be free, and as painful as it may be, it’s also peaceful. You’re stronger than you know.

@@mariamartinez5618 I can relate Maria. My new chapter also started when I finally realized “ it’s just not worth it anymore “. It’s better to be alone than with people that make you feel alone. Sending my support and best wishes your way. It’s going to be a bumpy ride, but we haven’t really loose anything, have we? You can’t loose what you didn’t have.

@ Mi Ci, good one 🙌👍

🤣

😂😂😂

is called “fast forwarding”.

They chase you until they get you and then they just mess you about. It all becomes a nightmare.

@@user-fk8rb8ue5h Yeah, it's that disorganized attachment thing - wanting something when its leaving, but running from it/complaining about it when it comes towards them.

And future faking...

The irony is- you did NOTHING wrong. I really hope you know that in your heart. We all have problems and flaws- and a Narc will spot and exploit them for their own gain. Always. It’s not you. It’s them.

Yes, but anything you say is seen as criticism and an attack on their fragile ego, therefore any discussion is deflected.

This is so true, when I would bring up any issues he would say I was critical.

I met my narc for the first time in April (after 7 years of friendship). "What's your love language?", she asked. "Acts of service is top priority", said I. "Oh, I'm really going to have to work on this, then."... what? why? When I got there, she was very attentive to bringing my coffee (I have cerebral palsy in my legs and would definitely be spilling everywhere), and squeezed herself next to me. I wasn't buying that... it was just ... off-putting. Couple days later, I said "Hey, I'd like to date you." "Why? We're just friends." Whut? LOL She wouldn't let me do her dishes after our meals, wouldn't even let me load the dishwasher. Ugh. I'm glad to be free of that crap!!!

@@dalenjurgens6751 yes having a disability is also a magnet for a predator. My ex was also my carer since I am legally blind. Good riddance!

They hate women! They compete with you and are not more than broken babies. They find everyone to take care of them. Go use someone else. No loss they are psychopaths.

Oh so true.... esp. after they convince you in your delusional stage, to give them your all - love, $$$, etc., etc. 🤮🤮🤮

True I agree with you. Narcs are v good at bringing people to support them. Other side of story is just ignored completely and blindly. I resonate with you.

@@spiritualswarna3 if there is anyone who is still willing to listen and support you, then stick by them. Everyone else are sheep. I hope you find the support and friends you need to believe the truth from you. 🙂

@@Gazelle54321 gratitude to you for kind words. Yes sheep's around me.

@@spiritualswarna3 of course! Find people who are genuine and are not flying monkeys. 🤙

Protecting another is dangerous business if the narc knows you are between then and their target. Good luck.

I do too

Same here!

Hey Judy

Me too

Ditto. Most of the women I've come across are incredibly grandiose and lacked any concern for my well-being. I see it now and avoid any relationships nor do I put myself in a position to be around anyone.

So true

You realize that actual narcissist are very rare.

Still here, still breathing. Glad to see that you are, too.

@@genevalawrence801 cheers, Geneva. Glad to see you’ve survived another holiday season as well. All my best xx

Hate Christmas. December 25th also happens to be my narc mother’s birthday. Xmas and mother’s day are the worst days. I have to be fake and send gifts and pretend that I love her. 😒

Exactly how I've felt

Right!!!!

I’ll say to you, too, ‘stay strong! I know you will.’

I feel this. I didn’t like being love-bombed; it was weird, just didn’t feel okay. Too much too soon. And I thought the same, perhaps I was cold. I sort of forced myself into giving in to the vomitous “affection” displays. He made me feel like all the things you mentioned, adding needy and weak to the mix. Once I gave in and started showing more affection, devaluation began. I wonder why the go through so much trouble. Isn’t it all exhausting, for people they don’t even value?

@@Chuleta_9 Right? I constantly have these thoughts about my ex. He's much older than me and I just can't understand how someone could have gone through life this long, being like that. It does not seem fun. And the thing is, they *are* tired and miserable because of their narc ways, but simply don't know how to be any different. I don't even think some of them fully realize what they're doing and really do believe they're great people and nobody appreciates them lol like how some people with mental illnesses or addictions are aware/ accept that there's something wrong with them, even if they don't try to change, seek help etc but others don't. even recognize or acknowledge it at all.

@@kaatyblue Same, I don’t like older guys, but he made himself seem so innocent and sweet, that I didn’t mind it. He’s definitely not aware of himself, but he’s noticed how at thirty-something there aren’t many people who want to be in his life. If it serves of any consolation, I’ve seen the future of my abuser through other narcs who are now isolated, because of all the wrongs they’ve done. People eventually grow tired of their bullshit, and it distresses the hell out of them. That’s what they need to become aware, narc injuries, isolation, narc crashes. What they do with that awareness is a whole other story; some seek help to improve, some become more cunning. Don’t know how they can live with all that darkness in them either. It’s so heavy to experience it as the receptor, imagine being them. Shudders.

@@Chuleta_9 Wow it's like you're describing my ex except he's in his mid 40's. And exactly! If it's a nightmare to be part of it temporarily as a receptor (in my case it was only a few months, not even 6 I think, but felt like an eternity), actually living with that shit inside of you your whole life is beyond me. I can't exactly feel bad for them but yikes.

@@kaatyblue Are you me? And I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re the same person xD, except for that age gap. Everything happened in 5 months with me; 2 years and a few months later I’m still recovering. The permanent damage they do in such a short period of time is incredible. I feel sorry for the ones who’ve opened up and told me the childhood abuse that created the narcissism, and are actually trying to improve. It’s quite the inner war. But I don’t feel sorry for my abuser. He only said he had mommy and daddy issues, but hardly ever gave any details, so I just got the sense of it being yet another manipulative pull. Screw him. He deserves to be alone.

I agree. It’s why I think it took me so long to really learn the truth about these conditions. I had seen the articles, but didn’t know what they had to say (& teach).

That is what love bombing is.

@@ladennayoung2939 yep. 😭

Beware of Greeks bearing gifts

Yes after being called beautiful and bombed with gifts you be willing be called fat and ugly ungrateful as he has already moved unto the next victim

High five! I’m on the same page. Always have been good with being single really, but have received some pressures from friends who think I must be lonely because they would be lonely if the tables were turned. I agree that we need to normalize single status as a viable and healthy state of being where happiness and fulfillment is possible in order to cut down on unintentional societal gaslighting and keep people from the common delusion that an abusive relationship is better than no relationship at all. Thanks!

Yes!

Being single is viewed as defective. There is something wrong with YOU. I could list a litany of examples of blatant singles negative connotations. One of my pet peeves is: match making.

Yes. We need to be fighting for acceptance of single people . If you are single, especially if you are for a long time, people do judge you. They dismiss you as either being too afraid to be in a relationship, too selfish, "you're not putting yourself out there enough ", or defective somehow. It's bad when you are single and in your 20s, people pressure you and try to set you up with someone. It's even worse when you are still single and older and people just stop asking and merely write you off as a spinster for life.

Covert are the worst according to my councellor

@Eric Logos My ex's sister did this to her husband for 23 yrs. He divorced her last summer. She would make stuff up and tell me, I shut my mouth (read did not propagate to anyone in the family) knowing she was nutz. Nuttier than the christmas fruitcake, At least he has peace.

I'm curious if it's a common pattern if narcisist types shift after one relationship to another. Mine was Malignant but shifted to comunal and then to covert? It's a doubt i have.

@@GraceZales That's a question I too had...I'd really like to know what an expert would have to say about it. We know they can shift and sometimes there's an overlapping coexistence of two or more subtypes, but what really triggers the change...Idk. What I found even odder though, is how ready she seemed to pick up some of the ''old'' traits again.

Spider, I thought that, too. Since you love me, do you really need something in return ???

A narcissist thinks the sun shines out of their bum

Very well said. My thoughts exactly...we are not alone.

I was in a narcissistic relationship and the therapist never called her out.It took a long time to come to that..at the time I was believing a bit too much in a false narrative.So I get how hard it is to find a good one.

“Giving birth to yourself is not for the faint-hearted.” Wow, well said!

Me too. Never again. I'd rather be lonely than miserable.

I fell for the love bombing and I am in the mature category, but I had never had it happen before even though I have had previous narcissistic relationships, they were never like this one. Don’t beat yourself up these evil people are master manipulators.

Oh no! Academia is a cesspool of inappropriate power trips and endless supply. So gross. I’m sorry this happened to you. You are not alone.

They pick the positions of power to keep us in control, the very reason people don’t believe in our creator anymore. The truth has been in the shadow. Our creator has shined his light on the truths to the (on you tube) *LAWS OF ATTRACTION * CHAKRAS *SOLFEGGIO FREQUENCIES *ASTROLOGY *NUMEROLOGY Here are my sources of reference along with my own research, experience, and intuitions. *WAYNE DYER-life’s lessons *JOE DISPENZA- the science and research on the brain *AARON DOUGHTY- vibrations *LEWIS HOWES- The School Of Greatness *JAKE DEUCY-laws of attraction So many more references along with *Dr. Ramani. *Numerology I used a book by Hans Decoz with Tom Monte-A complete guide to understanding and using your numbers of destiny along with the website numerologist.com Google, KZfaq, and a lot of experiences in the field with humanity has gotten me this far. It’s on each individual to learn about this yourselves, to reconnect with our source of love. I hope to see you ALL on the flip side. This side sucks I don’t want to feel hate and pain anymore, OMG THE LONELINESS!!!! No more!!!! 🖤💙🙏🏼 namaste.

Creepy!

The ex narc I'm fighting so hard to get over is a prominent academic and professor in the department. For two years he groomed me very slowly. I genuinely believed he was in love with me. Well, one day I found out on social media that he had married another woman behind my back. I found this out after he had still been lusting after me AFTER their wedding that summer. I don't trust male professors at all anymore. Too much power, too many inflated egos, and too many eager young women to prey upon.

I've been single for the last couple of years after a particularly nasty relationship with a narc, and a string of narc females as friends. I found Dr Ramini just in time, and this has stopped me making the same mistake in my next relationship. Problem is that all I see are red flags everywhere in every guy that shows an interest. I block them off and shut myself away. The trauma of those relationships has brought me to the conclusion that I'm just gonna live a single happy life for the rest of my days. The people commenting in this thread about being single and society pressures to be a couple, have a family and all of that is very real. Society has a real hard time accepting that single people are now becoming more and more normal. They try to rationalise your choice to be single, as if it was a grave misfortune. It is because of this that I feel children should be taught at school about how to navigate toxic relationships, and what to do to minimise damage, where to get help when they need it etc. This pandemic is seeing a huge rise in the number of people suffering. I can't see the number of narc's in the world declining anytime soon.

Same story.. just a woman for me. I got really lucky that she discarded me.. I would have stayed in this relationship I think.

Dr. Ramani is great but I would also check out Jerry Wise Relationship Systems on youtube. Both have really helped me. Jerry gets into detail about how to build yourself up.

I do this too. I find it extremely difficult to verbalize my achievements and successes. I recently went on holidays to the beach alone and didn't tell anyone or post photos because I felt guilty about enjoying quiet time alone

​@@jenlovesthisstuff I know exactly the feeling. The guilty feelings are trained into our bodies but they can be trained out! You deserve love and to feel good when you provide yourself with self-care. Keep practicing and it gets easier.

That is very sad for you...please know that Jesus Christ can love you the best and will never hurt you...True healing is found only in Him...many blessings

Forget therapy--Get Jesus! He loves you so much and has the power to deliver you from this.

Congratulations for picking up on the red flags and getting out so quickly 👏🏻

Thanks for this explanation. Gave me validation about my own situation. I had cut out a toxic sister a couple of years ago but would doubt myself every so often because I've seen that she can be nice to her inner circle of family/"friends". Yet, she's nasty to me and people in service positions..which is crazy because she is in the service industry and complains about how she's disrespected!! There's always an excuse and a reason for how the people she treats poorly deserves it. When I finally cut her out, she started bombing her own social media pages about how I am "fake"..because someone like me, who's always there for others and willing to help must have been fake the whole time since I've hit my breaking point and cut her out.

Ah there is away. You take your past experiences, and everything that you have learned about this disorder. And you share that information to your children. That is it, and that is all.

It is VERY important to learn about codependency, empaths, the golden child, the scapegoat, and so on and so forth in order to teach about this subject matter properly. You can't speak or teach about this from a victims mindset/mentality at all.

Sounds like my ex-girlfriend

Very relatable. I also had a friend who would play similiar games. I had been texting a friend for months with no response. I even texted asking if everything was ok with her and heard nothing back. It wasnt until I texted her that the silence between us sucked that I received an instant response from her. It was because she took that as a negative from me. Strange huh. I did cut all ties with her shortly after. I want balance and stability within all my relationships. I realized she would rather have me all worried and up in my head wondering if she was ok and if I did anything wrong rather than sending me a text to say not to worry and she was fine. I just got real tired of her mind games and decided game over.

It's called weaponizing a child.

The apt reply would be "no you did not give me a child we both made a child without me you could have not given me a child it takes 2 to make a baby. Also how much of the responsibility do you actually take for your child? I am the one who is handling all the child's responsibilities"

From constantly reading comment sections I think that people need to understand there’s a huge difference. I’m 31 and been through a lot and value my time and energy when it comes to people. If I really really feel the vibe the girl is going to get the full effect of my personality. I’m outgoing, fun, & charismatic, but can also stay in and watch movies, read, chill out. I think it’s unfair to label any strong personality as being narcissistic...some of us are just blessed with natural charisma. I have attachment issues from my family, but I’m also extremely intelligent and have a high level of self awareness so I know what’s appropriate and what’s not.

Well said! Thank you!

I find now it is a good idea to discuss what is happening with other friends that can be objective with me. Someone that does not know the other -- whose opinion I value. I also have my therapist. Coverts are very hard to spot as it begins so subtly It has begun to finally relax I have been hypervigilant about people for several years and only in the last few months felt trust towards others. I still know that I must practice discernment, a concept my therapist has helped me understand. There has been what Dr. Ramani expressed a lose of innocence that people are not as kind hearted as I once believed. Its challenging and I understand your thoughts. I also feel I need to be rock solid about boundaries in how people speak to me.

@@silentgrove7670 very well put! Thank you!

@@silentgrove7670 I agree, this is great, @Silent Grove. I love that you have trusted friends and it sure does take a while to start to trust again. I'm glad you're getting there. I hope to be there one day.

@@silentgrove7670 How do you practice discernment?

Better late... than never. Better now... than becoming them. Better to wake up... than to live an entire lifetime with eyes wide shut.

@@zoezzzarko1117 - yes, thank you & I agree.. strongly 😁 Can't wait to get free & start my real healing - and find my smile & inner joy again. I do believe in me, T.G.

@@mdee860 It will come... one step at a time. As long as you're moving forward, you're doing great. Congratulate yourself even w the little things !! 😎 You got this 💗

Same here. Cheers to 2021 !!! 🥂😎👊✌

Why do they want to go back to the narcissist?