nononono just eat drugs and talk about feelings duhhhh

"I'll help you out of your hole, but first you have to stop digging."

@@Bolsty7 *eat hot chip and lie

Love that

@@invisiblelemur Oh, I saved that sentence to use in the future!!

This deserved more likes.

Pun intended

This comment nailed it!

take your like and go 😂

Yes I see the point of that comment. You should hammer it home.

OMG! I gotta start using that!!!

😂❤

I think that's actually a pretty good approach!

I tried saying something similar and she got mad at me. Apparently it sounds “condescending”

Yeah I... don't think I would love that, in practice. Then again I don't share my feelings much so the people near me don't often have these puzzles to solve, I'm sure it's useful for some

Sooo....what you're saying if he doesn't relate to this, he must be happy lol

man or a parent 😂

Choose better.

@rbie You mean to find that tiny sliver of women who would rather solve their problems than wallow in them? I would LOVE to find that woman. We ALL would. It is literally what every guy is looking for, but it has gotten to the point where the mere suggestion of trying to actually solve a problem is considered sexist. And I'm a FEMINIST!!!! I really wish it weren't this way, but alas...

@@tomhazelton3070 Funny, my late Husband Thom was also what I consider a feminist. I'll tell you like I tell all other guys who speak like this... *Stop finding women in the bar or women who ×××× on the first date AND GO TO CHURCH.* You know what helped my Husband get a good wife who hasn't slept with a man seven years after he DIED?? *He* was a very devout Orthodox Christian. You have to be deserving of what you want. All these men want Holy women, but they're *not* Holy men.

Underrated comment ^

It was an accident. They made this in the ER waiting room.

I’m pretty sure it’s a fake nail with make up

@@jayms16 welcome to the Internet

PUT ME IN THE R/WOOOOSH PICTURE!!!

+Consult Keith Young They nailed it right on the head.

+Consult Keith Young Crowd that hates puns in general: "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Me: LOL

BOOM!

+Consult Keith Young You are a fucking genius.

+Consult Keith Young LOL!! I see what you did there! lol!!

Sir, the video is only 10 years old.

@@aaditshah4689They have been married for 36 years. They did not watch the video 36years ago, but when they did, they found the lesson applicable to their preexisting marriage.

@elimbag5372 Uh, he's making a joke.

@@Michael_PrintGo outside

God....I hate humans

@@pawemarciniak4929 Thanks for sharing your opinion. To each their own.

@@pawemarciniak4929🤣🤣🤣 nice fan fic

Some people would rather have a problem so they can complain about it than fix it and have the peace of no more problem.

@@davidm4566 I hear ya. I will never understand that 🤔

​@@pawemarciniak4929just an FYI, if you put something in quotes it's supposed to be exactly what the person said or wrote, you know, like a quote.

Can't believe I missed that the first time!

Yeah that's the line that makes you fall in love with her

I think the guy's non-verbal reaction to this line supports perfectly.

what does that mean?

@@quicksilver455 I mean that when those particular audio waves are detected by my acoustical detectors, it causes me to suddenly cease to function.

Yeah, same has happened to me many times. The best you can do is get away from them. It's like trying to save someone from drowning while they swim downwards and pull you with them, or like setting yourself on fire justo to keep them warm (when they are going to swim on frozen water 5 minutes later anyway, and blame everyone else but themselves.

@@chuchernaut7419 yes totally

Damn. This hit me square in the memories. Now I got the feelings.

@@Tamales21 well you're not alone!

But dat a$$ tho….

You must be from some other place because here in the west nothing is ever a womans fault ever. We have a joke here in Iceland... "A women took responsibility for her actions and apologized."

You're missing the point. He's listening to what she's *saying*, sure, but listening goes beyond that first superficial level. You have to listen to what *the person thinks they needs*. And that "thinks" is the operative word here; you might observe what you believe the clear source of a problem, but in that moment, the issue is more emotionally charged than logically so. If he had just sat down and listened - without trying to find where he could input, because that's not really listening for listening's sake - then she would've felt heard and more comfortable. And *then*, paradoxically, she would be more open to solutions. If the wind is blowing so hard that your garden is being ripped to shreds, the solution is to build a greenhouse. But to build it in the middle of the torrent is a fool's errand; let the wind pass, then enact the solution under more peaceful and manageable conditions.

That's literally the point of the video

​@@Lost1ntheSauc3i still missed it though.

​@@domojestic4155But if you come to me with an issue and ask for my input and advice, and based on my experience and skillset I feel I can genuinely help you, then you ignore any advice and experience from me... why did you even come to me? Just to vent? Fine, then say that upfront... but be prepared for me to vent in return about how frustrating it is to constantly be presented with solvable issues for which my solutions aren't desired or implemented.

This has been accurate since the beginning of time.

Human nature does not change.

What country? I highly doubt the U.S.

Good question lol​@@thagomizer4711

Thanks for leaving this comment! I often struggle to communicate with people who are not in homeostasis and wonder why facts and logic doesn't help them come into reason. Your comment was so helpful for me to realize that I need to help them find homeostasis before I dump a bunch of reason and logic on them.

You should probably delete this.

@@PxlMrkthe fuck are you talking about?

wow!

Dan L

So by just reflecting how she is feeling opened her up to accepting your help?

Gurfi0 - sarcasm?

No, no. _Innuendo._

Maybe you didn't upset her, not bc of not trying to "fix" it, but maybe you didn't "upset" her by not failing to pay attention, acknowledging the circumstance/respecting the position of another human being, then one is more able to evaluate the situation and then employ the response that would actually fix the problem and the more we practice to pay attention, consider others' feelings (just like we feel as well) the faster we can do it in times of emergency. And In my understanding intuition and reaction is sometimes instinctive and crucially essential but emergency situations (such as reacting to a drowning) are different from regular interactions when human beings need to be acknowledged or else who is going to be doing the listening ever if no one is listening?

+Dennis Espinoza - Brilliant. =)

+Rae Kah To recognize the issue is "listening". To fix it is to integrate compassion with action that actually accomplishes something more objectively tangible. The point I was making was one of priority.

+Dennis Espinoza You know, maybe you could, I dunno, save her AND not deny how she's feeling? Men always want excuses to ignore women's feelings, but they never seem to have any problem empathizing with other men, hmmmm, I wonder why that might be...?

+Dennis Espinoza No, dennis. Because a lot of times the man uses the excuse of fixing it to IGNORE her feelings. There is no excuse for that.

I was thinking about buying that book... Recommend it?

@@theapologist6717 Yes I think it is worth it. It has some practical advice and she really makes you think about negative emotions in a different context. Give it a try.

I'm reading Ego Authority Failure and this video was mentioned 😂😂😂

I too found it in Emotional Agility by Susan David

But the girl is not an empath here. She ignores his partner's feelings in this clip.

It's truly a work of art, and of course so insightful to those who choose to truly understand the message(s) being conveyed.

I've been doing it too and you know what? I actually does work. Well, it doesn't help solve their problem. It works to get people (not just women) to stop complaining so much in the moment, but the downside is that now "you're a really good listener" and now you've got to hear about all their other problems. And they all sound... really hard.

@@synthetic240 a friend is venting to you because they're frustrated and sad and overwhelmed. And you're listening because you're a good friend with a kind heart that leaves space for them to be comfortable to vent. If it actually bothers you to listen, stop being fake about it. If it only gets to you sometimes (hey, listeners need to vent too, or they need breaks), COMMUNICATE it Edit: venting is not for problem solving. It's to express pain without needing to seek a solution. Often times we have a solution in mind we can handle ourselves but things are too overwhelming in the moment

I don't think you should capitulate the stupidity. It is stupid to just want to complain and complain about a problem, and not want a solution. It's perfectly reasonable to want to vent about something, but if you only want to vent, and not solve, and you want to do it in perpetuity, especially when the solution is very obvious, that's just stupid. P. S. I'm a woman.

@@Rainlitnight isnt the point of the video making fun of the woman for preferring to complain about her problems rather than implement the simple, obvious solution? I don't think this is extolling the virtues of venting.

How does this video help you as a fixer? I'm 100% a fixer too. I need help. I want to understand people, but... I don't understand why they seem to prefer to hold onto their problem and keep complaining, rather than try a reasonable solution. And why is it good and helpful for me to hold my tongue and make sympathetic noises, rather than press them to solve their problem? Honest questions!

@@PerryandKim never change my man. Tell her straight up.I'm only available to speak if we gon discuss a solution.if not I ain't listening.

@@PerryandKim People often already have a solution in mind when complaining. It's not for problem solving it's just things are so overwhelming in the moment they need some validation and sympathy.

@@cheffromspace9771 I think the whole point of the sketch is to point out the stupidity of that. Making useless sympathetic noises but keeping actual solutions to yourself because your partner isn't interested in solving the problem is... stupid. Especially when you've heard the same vent 1000 times.

The sketch is obviously written from the perspective of making fun of the woman, but it unintentionally highlights the frustrations on both sides. The man's immediate assumption is that the nail is causing her problems (fair) and that she hasn't figured that out for herself yet (less fair). It's very reasonable to imagine that she knows about the nail, that she can't just "get it out" because it's lodged in her brain and requires complex surgery, and the fact that she's suffering because of it is upsetting her. Next time you see someone with a nail, consider that they may already have put themselves on a long waitlist for delicate nail-removal brain surgery, and in the meantime, they are expressing valid pain and frustration over something they can't do *more* about right now. It's okay to set boundaries about not listening to complaints you can't handle, but when people express frustration about others trying to "fix" their problems, it's usually not the solution that's upset them but the assumption that they don't already have a solution in mind, and the implicit devaluing of their emotions while they're struggling towards that solution. Some of us have just been told that we have to wait six months before the nail can be safely removed, and we know we're going to spend those six months in pain, and we're *upset* about it. Being listened to and having our frustrations validated helps us to endure that pain.

She knows the nail is there. but she has brain damage. because there's a nail in her skull. and she gets upset when people tell her to fix the nail, because everyone assumes that her headache MUST be cause by the nail. It might not be. It might be stress. But it's very probably the nail.

Woman misses the point entirely. Nobody is surprised.

​@@antediluvianatheist5262 It very probably is the nail. And if it isn't the nail causing the headaches, it's obfuscating the issue. And it's the thing tearing up her sweaters too most likely. So let's at least look into the possibility of having it removed. Maybe, instead of just saying "It isn't the nail", she should say "it might be the nail, but for the moment please just commiserate with me." Or even "this is not about the nail, but how it makes me feel." Both of those let the man know that his input is heard, and understood to be not unreasonable, but also not what she is looking for at the moment.

No. Get the pliers and leave them by the bed.

She has an actual nail in her head?!

Cannonissomoney I'm assuming you're being facetious but, in case you're not, no, that's actually a fake nail used for the purposes of the skit.

+thejollyjumbuck Seriously?

+Connor O'Hare No. It's just her.

+Connor O'Hare Stop trying to fix it!

I'm a woman and I have to say you have a point in the respect that if it starts hurting others then it definitely should be helped but I think the point is, if it's not hurting others, sometimes a woman or a man, just want to be heard 🌻 I did laugh though as going through cancer now and it's difficult to talk sometimes and just be heard without fixing 🎗

Honestly, listening to someone you care about complain about an easily fixable solution is very draining. There's only so much sympathy i can offer before it becomes a me-problem too. Empathy means we feel for the other person. If we empathize with someone, and share in their pain, then we are hurting too. A quick venting session isn't a big deal, and if someone has a not-easily-fixable problem, that's understandable too; But if you're close to someone who wants to regularly talk about how a very solvable problem is negatively affecting them and wants you to empathize, i just see that as childish and selfish. "I'm in pain, and even though I could fix it, i don't want to. But i also want you to feel bad for me."

I had to tell the love of my life that I was going to step away until she came to me ready to work on her (admittedly, extremely serious) problems, because she was "dealing" with her problems by literally refusing to engage with me. We've always been long-distance, so this took the form of not answering calls, texts, emails, IMs, anything, for days or weeks; finding reasons to avoid coming to see me; and always being "busy" on those occasions when we did get to see each other, avoiding eye contact, shaming me for wanting to hold hands or rest my head on her shoulder in public. When she finally admitted to me what the problem was, she flatly refused to let me talk to her about her mental health. And I did try to abide by that, but when her behavior didn't change, she clearly wasn't getting better, and all I did was cry all the time and obsess over if I was helping or hurting her, if I was selfish or not... I had to give up, not because I was done with her but because I could see that her method of coping--ignoring what she needed to do to get better, and refusing to have even a friendship with me, let alone a romance--was not helping her get better, and that it was making me worse, or at least just swapping out one sort of misery for another. Unloading on someone who loves you and then refusing to either let them help you, or to not allow them to see that you're doing something to help yourself...it's devastating.

It's not about not wanting the problem to be fixed. Obviously any sane person wants their problems fixed. There are ways to help people without giving them the answer. And goddamn if it's that big a deal tell them to go see a therapist.

@@thatvalensteingirl sure, but I would also argue that people often times already know the answer to their problems. It's just a matter of actually realizing the solution. Sometimes people legitimately cannot do anything about their circumstances, and just want someone to listen to them.

Thank you! I was looking for this comment. I couldn't remember where I'd seen her. Monica Barbaro. Also in the new Netflix series Fubar with Arnold.

right then. Top Gun was 38 years ago - i bet it predates this by quite a bit. thumbs up though for recognizing her.

@@jamesha175Umm...Not the original. The sequel. IMDB is your friend. 🙂

@@CrankyOldDave wow i didn't even know that there was a sequel

@@jamesha175 That's because it didn't need a sequel. Just like so many other sequels today.

Excellent point. In fact she's not only not listening back, but snapping at him when he tries to help.

@@pauljackson2409 ( above are both men )

@Caitilin McGuire Yes, and you're not listening. Kind of proves our point, doesn't it?

most people don't listen. They are only waiting for their turn to talk.

@@pauljackson2409 it rather does. Typical of females sexist attitudes towards men.

It's horrifying.

@@SomeGuy-xf9bcyou’re horrifying

@@SomeGuy-xf9bc Now imagine the nail applied across every subject in life that has human interaction.

If you are a straight man who is or has been married, there is only one way to interpret this.

​@@trith72This is just flat-out not true lol. There's interpretations in the comments ranging from "women are so annoying and just want to complain instead of ever doing anything" to "often what the issue boils down to is not the problem at hand but their distress about it, which is getting in the way of fixing the problem".

You know at first, I thought it was you in the thumbnail Teal

That sounds very hard.

Yes teal!!!

i feel the same way evwrytime people unload their problems on me. ita just like, "well if you stopped doing that you wouldnt have this problem"

Facts 😂

Stay safe!!

It’s not about the nail !

Of course a man made it. It’s good!

@@nunuvyobiznes9149 shouldn't have laughed that hard to this

She's pissed because it's accurate AF!!

Woman's opinion detected. Invalid.

This is a really beautiful comment! Thanks for sharing.☺️

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Wouldn’t it be possible to provide the support/validation needed….and then fix the problem afterward?

@@isaacruiz3991 sure! in my experience, usually the person can fix it by themselves after venting, but if they need help, they'll be more likely to accept it if they had their feelings validated first.

TheNobleScoundrel + thinks he is smart. Not.

What a wonderful quote!

you can be right, or you can be happy

I'm stealing this

I'd agree with you but one of us has to be right.

do u still do dat

@@holaholaheeits still not about the nail 😊

*All* of them!

How did she keep a straight face?! 😂

Every woman I've ever dated...

Oh but it is about the nail.

Totally nailed it!

No, you nailed it, sir!

I am jealous that I did not think of this pun.

I ask my wife off the bat if she wants me to just listen or help her figure out a fix.

+RxRamon Best approach. Thanks

+RxRamon, you are a wise man and will still be married after many others have been divorced and on their second and third marriage. Teach a class! Way to go!

+Psalm139 v13: Lots of trial and error, but a lot of people don't adapt to either. A class sounds interesting, ha! Maybe a psa on my page.

+François Auerbach: I'm going to make a short marriage psa video with some weird humor and see if anyone seems to appreciate it.

you nailed it!

Poor bastard !

You're married 47 years to someone, who completely refuses to acknowledge the obvious.

Still learning...

Right??? Totally brilliant!

Because relationships are not complex, we make it so with our stubbornness, fear and anger. Lol.

@@virginiaafentoulis9432 "Stubbornness, fear and anger" AKA being a human being. So yeah, relationships ARE hard. Because we're humans.

@@virginiaafentoulis9432 Well, that's what makes relationships complex Lol!

She wants to deal with emotions; he's looking for a rational solution. They're totally imcompatible.

Right?!? The world must accept me for who I am, is the common response vs taking responsibility for one's own rubbish, and Doing The Work!

How insightful. Supporting them in not fixing the problem 😂

Totally. But if we let people talk it out, they can feel better, and AFTER feeling better be able to see it more objectively and find some solutions/see repeating patterns.

​@@saraholmes5999 Indeed. In medicine, we sedate the patient for surgery not because it causes them less pain, but because it's easier to fix stuff while it isn't crying or screaming. Doctors would do it either way, just look at surgery before anesthesia. But the pain and emotions are real and they are included in the problem by default. A patient forced to be asleep will jerk around unconsciously if you don't manage their pain. Babies and children remember this pain and it can cause bad reactions later in life. Now, if babies and children can develop neuroticism from a bad childhood experience, don't be surprised when suffering individuals accumulate increasingly larger damage. If you don't manage this pain, the person involved may become inefficient or incapable of problem solving all because of these emotions. They stick with them. Listen to sounds people make like you listen to sounds your car make.

​​@@saraholmes5999 Is actually supposed to be the other way around. You first the problem and then latter when it's no longer around to cause more problems, you analyze it and talk about it so you can learn from it and don't repeat it.

Been there!

+Gordon Freeman Or any motoring matter. Us partonising gits with our silly 'expertise'.

***** tech support is really a pita for this very reason though. It doesn't matter if its the right way or even good, experience shows you just don't don't screw up their mess, even if its causing the problem. People always complain about change, no exceptions

Gordon Freeman That sounds really hard, {sorry, couldn't resist]

+Ian O'Riordan Expertise vs. not is the issue...not women. I get the same issue in graphic design...and I'm sure others do in their professions.

Yeah, but the nail could be any kind of nail...the thumbnail's visual lessens the impact when it appears in the story.

Stop trying to fix everything! It's not about the thumbnail!

Randy Reichenbach 😂😂😂 clever!!! literally laughing out loud

Chris Strobel you make a good point but I think Randy got the last word on this one 😊😂

Yeah! They would definitely have nailed it had it appeared just before the kiss, oh...lol

For me, too, the funniest moment has to be that cut where we first see the man and the pained expression on his face. That and the snagged sweaters line.

probably so.... need to learn to ignore the nails, I guess

Sean Ferri of course he's wrong: if he's saying anything , it means he's distracted from felling that tree she so desperately needed. _( of course, when he eventually gets it dragged home, it will suddenly appear to have been a nice shrubbery that had been demanded all along... )_ _rinse._ _repeat._ _segue into monty python skit_ ...

+Sean Ferri You could know that yourself from the start, unless you are thinking out loud, which is what I do...I verbalize my thoughts and work out solutions as I hear myself articulate them. I also keep a journal to write down first impressions, go back and look at it when I can and contemplate the situations. You might examine your viewpoint and decide if you are right or wrong. I have found, earnest people, male or female, offer considered thoughts and respond in kind.

+Sean Ferri, If a woman says something in the forest and no man is there to hear her, is she still nagging?

MaximusArurealius yes. _( it's known as the "automatic nag reflex" - an intrinsic feature emergent from all structures lacking a Y chromosome... )_

😂

Exactly. Men offering solutions shows we care. We want the problem to go away. We want to solve the root cause. Just validating the feelings doesn't make the actual problem go away.

That means you probably haven't been steeped in grievance studies. Universities have inundated the nation with this kind of behavior.

@@ranredd85 Exactly x 2. *Women* (like me) offering solutions shows we care. For all the same reasons you gave. It's not as "gendered" as people think. It's about personality. I'm a problem-solver, analyzer, thinker...I'm empathetic, but I'm pragmatic..."fix it and you'll feel better".

What makes you think there is a problem? It's not about the nail. That's her problem & she will deal with it when she is good & ready. She is talking about her ability to soldier in spite of the difficulties, like snagged sweaters. She's to be admired for her perseverance! (In the same way we admire Scott of the Antarctic. He never solved any of his problems either, but is greatly admired for what he endured.)

It’s not so much an issue to provide solutions, the issue is that often when we jump right into problem solving mode it can leave the other person feeling invalidated or like the other person did not hear them fully. Sometimes people talk about their problems just to feel heard and other times they do it because they want advise and help. It’s important to always empathize first and then ask do you want advise or help coming up with solutions after. At the end of the day everyone is different and it’s just best to ask what they’re looking for do they just want to vent or are they looking for advise, just asking that simple question can help with any tension that may happen if you just assume they want you to fix it.

This is so true. Everyone is acting like this is just a man vs woman problem when it's just a human thing that occurs in basically all social circles

This is so true. Ppl are making this into a man vs. woman situation when it's just a human thing that can be found in virtually every social group

If you connect this observation with what's going on with the Kavanaugh hearings, you'll see why there's a sudden interest in the "Repeal the 19th Amendment" movement.

It's not even the sympathy a woman wants. Sympathy is just the litmus test she uses that lets her know she has a workable excuse. When a woman comes to you with her problems, she's not looking for a solution, or even really for sympathy. What she wants to know is "How much of my personal responsibility does this excuse allow me to abdicate and how much can I get away with not doing or what can I be given because of it?" Men pull the nail out because the answer is "zero," so they need a solution. Men want to pull the nail out of the woman, because an upset woman makes trouble for men, and so they need a solution. If women pulled the nail out, they lose their scapegoat and have to be responsible again. So it's not about the nail, it's about testing how worthy a scapegoat the excuse of the nail is. They don't want the problem gone. They want to collect all the excuses they encounter in their entire life history in a jar like fireflies, to be held up and shaken at any time whenever someone has expectations of them. That's why she remembers that one thing you said five years ago, or the one time you told her that some idea she had was logically flawed. It's a firefly. They certainly don't want some man to come along and shatter the jar and fix all their problems. That would ruin everything. Then they'd have to get off their ass and do something. Men are trying to get the job done. Women are trying to make it not their fault that the job isn't done. Which usually involves blaming a man and making him do the job. Because everyone knows men have to be responsible. Because women can't be. And this is why when you come home from a long day of work wage slaving to provide for her, and catch her getting banged by Chad and Tyrone, it's your fault that she's cheating on you, because look at all these fireflies in my jar. And when she says it's all a man's fault, she's actually right. It is. When the dog crashes your car, it's not the dog's fault. It doesn't have the capability to take responsibility for its actions. Why did you let the dog drive your car? You knew the dog couldn't drive.

+William Barnes That's brilliant. Hence the "Happy wife, happy life" mantra. What's creepy though is that the feminist infection is inculcating men with this same ethos. I know. I was raised by one, and I'm still in recovery.

+William Barnes Sounds good to me. I love your take btw, reminds me of the moment when I realized how women 'shit test' in early relationships. How did someone so young (presumably if you're on KZfaq) get so wise?

Don't listen to what people say. Watch what they do. That's all there is to it. Stereotypes don't come from nowhere. There's no stereotype about how Turks are made of glass, or how Brazilians are shrewd gamblers. That's not an accident. Stereotypes have to convey useful information or warning to stay alive. The black stereotype about watermelon and grape drink is falling away as we speak, because it was a passing fad. The ones about stealing, contempt for education, and being fatherless, aren't going anywhere. Why not? It is the deepest of mysteries mankind was not meant to know. Lol, just kidding. It's obvious. Once upon a time, I got offended by proxy when I heard someone use stereotypes of Jews being money-grubbing loan sharks. I think it was an episode of South Park, where the little Jewish boy was playing with a dreidel at holiday time. They had a song, and that made me wonder. Because I didn't know any Jewish holiday traditions, or how to play dreidel which is apparently their big cultural game, or about the song, and I was interested in proving that the stereotype of money grubbing loanshark banker was just unfounded bigotry. I will now wait, while you look up the rules to how to play dreidel.

Or admit.

V Remus on sooo many levels . the accuracy is on point

True that

That's because most people are women.

Train of Thought Madden my DBT therapist showed this to our group during a validation session. Brilliant example

And how should women react to men’s thoughts .

Seadog. Exactly the same way, just listen. Trust me, there's many a time I bite my tongue and let my man do things the wrong way. Aka the nail. Because to constantly just fix it for him isn't any help, sometimes it better just to ride the waves and listen, go with the flow, and let them sort it out themselves. Empowerment

Kathryn Tubecki : Thank you. But sometimes I can’t help myself from helping.

It might be the wrong way for you, but it's the right way for him. . . . . Did you think he was wrong for wanting to take the nail out of her head?

Lol so instead of listening and understanding you make it about yourself? Got it!

Wow I’ve the same prob except I’m a female and I have this problem with my boyfriend. I’m gonna try this. Because you’re right, he is very logical and considerate when it comes to MY problems but when it comes to his, he gets very negative, complains and (he doesn’t even believe this one or i think is even aware of it) doesn’t want any solution or make it better. Hopefully this works. Thanks!

This is exactly how I have to deal with my brothers and dad.

*"Lol so instead of listening and understanding you make it about yourself? Got it!"* Well, you have to talk to them in a language they understand.

Years later they will collect enough of your "failings" and use it against you

+Beth Rutter Basically all friends of my sister are male for exactly this reason she has told me. They get shit done. She tells her friends and there are 5 guys willing to help her out, that's what friends do according to her. Not go "ow, that's awful for you".

i bet she does a lot with those 5 guys.

Tommy "Johny" Wiseau I of course don't know but I doubt it. It's not exactly something I want to know about :p. From what I've heard and seen with a few it's more of a brotherly relationship. She once asked for the same drugs(I believe XTC) her friend got from a 3rd guy and that friend basically start saying she isn't getting this shit and that she's better than that and threatening the dealer if he gave her any. She got an hour long lecture about sticking to weed only.

I'd ask you to marry me if I wasn't already... :D

It's nice to know there are rational ladies like yourself out there. Thank you Ma'am.

😆

That’s not how it works. The more you hyper focus on your problems the worse they get. You’re not a feeble little thing who’s going to lose everything because your emotions get the better of you in an instant you don’t aunt to do some sort of pressure release valve to keep your sanity. Maybe go for a brisk walk

How about this: If you just want to be heard, go tell your story to a sharer. If you want to fix your problem, go tell it to a fixer. Why do people force others to act to match their own selfish expectations?

@@iruns1246 Because you don’t get to choose which type the people in your life are. What if your partner, spouse, etc is a fixer and you are a sharer, and you need THAT person to acknowledge something wrong in your relationship? No one else will do, or the problem doesn’t get solved. It’s selfish to think you shouldn’t accommodate for the people you love.

@@asheking8603 well sure, if that's the specific, serious case then it has to be accomodated. I was talking more about the daily conversation. Forcing yourself to accommodate that stuff daily can really take a toll on someone, and on the relationship.

@@iruns1246 problem is when your partner finds a sharer or fixer from the opposite sex. Now she or he is getting their emotional support from someone else. Emotional cheating is just as bad if not worse than it’s sexual counterpart.

Let’s be honest, 95% of sharers are female and 95% of fixers are male. It’s how we are wired, kind of like how does a bird know how to make a nest. It’s just ingrained in us.

The best response in this whole comment section. You've restored some of my faith in humanity lol

And what happens if a woman is in a situation which needs urgent action and is delaying implementing a necessary and obvious solution? Too late, opportunity lost, irreversible damage done, but the woman had her feelings time.

uhtutuh, you mean as women. Imagine if we did the same

More like our challenges as men to put up with women's foolishness.

I mean, I can only see a couple different takeaways. First is that you should listen to loved ones who are trying to help you. Second is that you can’t help someone who won’t accept their problem

@@LEFT4BASS Third one: don't try to fix them while they are whining. This is the classic male/female communication problem. Men only take their problems to another man when they assume that that person can help them fix it. Women take all their problems to their female friends/sisters/mothers to share them for emotional validation. So when women go into their classical "validate me" rants, the result is miscommunication. As a dude, instead of trying to fix her, just nod and say uh-huh.

@@Volkbrecht Nobody is entitled to my emotional labor. If she doesn't want help, I don't want to hear about it.