"Don't try to fix it. I just need you to listen." Every man has heard these words. And they are the law of the land. No matter what.
Пікірлер: 8 900
@SahilJ786 ай бұрын
Before you heal someone, ask him if he's willing to give up the things that make him sick - Hippocrates
@Bolsty74 ай бұрын
nononono just eat drugs and talk about feelings duhhhh
@invisiblelemur4 ай бұрын
"I'll help you out of your hole, but first you have to stop digging."
@wildfire92803 ай бұрын
@@Bolsty7 *eat hot chip and lie
@crazyleaf2573 ай бұрын
Love that
@ravingcuriosity63452 ай бұрын
@@invisiblelemur Oh, I saved that sentence to use in the future!!
@ABY68193 Жыл бұрын
Truly hit the nail on the head with that one. Much appreciated.
@jasonBGI7 ай бұрын
This deserved more likes.
@kristene23726 ай бұрын
Pun intended
@LtHarkness1875 ай бұрын
This comment nailed it!
@phoenixofthestars075 ай бұрын
take your like and go 😂
@ASD128London5 ай бұрын
Yes I see the point of that comment. You should hammer it home.
@obiwanpez7 ай бұрын
We have a friend who ALWAYS asks, "solution or sympathy?"
@ravingcuriosity63452 ай бұрын
OMG! I gotta start using that!!!
@BoomShard17Ай бұрын
😂❤
@Concord003Ай бұрын
I think that's actually a pretty good approach!
@loupaxАй бұрын
I tried saying something similar and she got mad at me. Apparently it sounds “condescending”
@lank5582Ай бұрын
Yeah I... don't think I would love that, in practice. Then again I don't share my feelings much so the people near me don't often have these puzzles to solve, I'm sure it's useful for some
@tomhazelton3070 Жыл бұрын
If there's a man out there who doesn't instantly relate to this, then he has never had a wife, a girlfriend, or a female friend.
@MonteaNoLipton Жыл бұрын
Sooo....what you're saying if he doesn't relate to this, he must be happy lol
@yrevet Жыл бұрын
man or a parent 😂
@TradBarbie Жыл бұрын
Choose better.
@tomhazelton3070 Жыл бұрын
@rbie You mean to find that tiny sliver of women who would rather solve their problems than wallow in them? I would LOVE to find that woman. We ALL would. It is literally what every guy is looking for, but it has gotten to the point where the mere suggestion of trying to actually solve a problem is considered sexist. And I'm a FEMINIST!!!! I really wish it weren't this way, but alas...
@TradBarbie Жыл бұрын
@@tomhazelton3070 Funny, my late Husband Thom was also what I consider a feminist. I'll tell you like I tell all other guys who speak like this... *Stop finding women in the bar or women who ×××× on the first date AND GO TO CHURCH.* You know what helped my Husband get a good wife who hasn't slept with a man seven years after he DIED?? *He* was a very devout Orthodox Christian. You have to be deserving of what you want. All these men want Holy women, but they're *not* Holy men.
@grahamesd8 жыл бұрын
I applaud the actress for allowing the props guy to bang a nail into her head. The things we do for art.
@franklyput3 жыл бұрын
Underrated comment ^
@stevenelson14563 жыл бұрын
It was an accident. They made this in the ER waiting room.
@jayms162 жыл бұрын
I’m pretty sure it’s a fake nail with make up
@zuriruchan97062 жыл бұрын
@@jayms16 welcome to the Internet
@EggsToYourBacon2 жыл бұрын
PUT ME IN THE R/WOOOOSH PICTURE!!!
@consultkeithyoung89829 жыл бұрын
This is the most true thing I have seen on the internet. They nailed it.
@TheNobleScoundrel9 жыл бұрын
+Consult Keith Young They nailed it right on the head.
@KyProRen8 жыл бұрын
+Consult Keith Young Crowd that hates puns in general: "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Me: LOL
@BoydOfPray8 жыл бұрын
BOOM!
@CommentCritic8 жыл бұрын
+Consult Keith Young You are a fucking genius.
@Leadeshipcoach8 жыл бұрын
+Consult Keith Young LOL!! I see what you did there! lol!!
@jamestoton35935 ай бұрын
I saw this at a leadership training symposium. It’s lesson has proved WAY more valuable in being married for 36yrs and counting.
@aaditshah46895 ай бұрын
Sir, the video is only 10 years old.
@moustachescarz5 ай бұрын
@@aaditshah4689They have been married for 36 years. They did not watch the video 36years ago, but when they did, they found the lesson applicable to their preexisting marriage.
@Michael_Print5 ай бұрын
@elimbag5372 Uh, he's making a joke.
@lurifaks925 ай бұрын
@@Michael_PrintGo outside
@colonelJ775 ай бұрын
God....I hate humans
@JMGENTERPRISES Жыл бұрын
If your partner just wants to talk about things, that's all well and fine. But I have found especially in relationships is that if they don't resolve the problem, it will eventually become your problem. Either financially, emotionally or so on. I just don't want added work or stress in my life because they cannot or refuse to fix an ongoing issue.
@JMGENTERPRISES7 ай бұрын
@@pawemarciniak4929 Thanks for sharing your opinion. To each their own.
@JackFou5 ай бұрын
@@pawemarciniak4929🤣🤣🤣 nice fan fic
@davidm45665 ай бұрын
Some people would rather have a problem so they can complain about it than fix it and have the peace of no more problem.
@JMGENTERPRISES5 ай бұрын
@@davidm4566 I hear ya. I will never understand that 🤔
@Redskies4535 ай бұрын
@@pawemarciniak4929just an FYI, if you put something in quotes it's supposed to be exactly what the person said or wrote, you know, like a quote.
@volttherobot5 жыл бұрын
"…and all my sweaters are snagged... I mean ALL of them" Line kills me EVERY time... HAHAHAHAHA
@stevenelson14563 жыл бұрын
Can't believe I missed that the first time!
@AlexiKaruna2 жыл бұрын
Yeah that's the line that makes you fall in love with her
@chrisdahler55572 жыл бұрын
I think the guy's non-verbal reaction to this line supports perfectly.
@quicksilver455 Жыл бұрын
what does that mean?
@volttherobot Жыл бұрын
@@quicksilver455 I mean that when those particular audio waves are detected by my acoustical detectors, it causes me to suddenly cease to function.
@rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr12 ай бұрын
Lots of comments saying men just don't understand women. But that's laughable. Women really don't understand men and it's clear in many of these comments. There are two issues: 1. Men don't immediately grasp the impulse ("need") to share your feelings and frustrations because, honestly, no one gives a shat about men and our problems, we just have to deal with them without expectation of sympathy and with little help. Wallowing in self-pity just brings contempt from men and, especially women--so experience and observation have taught us that it's a self-defeating and harmful strategy. Realizing that that is not the case for women is a leap we have to make (but most do). 2. Making that leap tends to breed resentment and/or impatience. So while we definitely hear and understand that this is something that women "need" we're caught on the horns of the belief that we're actually harming the women in our life by engaging in it (our own experience of the world) and the idea that women live under a much different and easier rule book.
@westingtyler1Ай бұрын
yeah I had to eventually end a relationship because of stuff like this. i realized my sympathy for the SAME SOLVABLE PROBLEM can only last so long, before it's actually inconsiderate of them to expect me to keep devoting emotional energy to it, when the other person has no real interest in solving the problem. sometimes people seem to get enough dopamine off the validation that they don't feel the need to actually be proactive. in a relationship the stress should come from you two facing the world together, not from the other person's poor judgment. the moment you feel like more of a parent than a partner, it's not gonna work. you also owe it to yourself to not continuously dump energy into an emotional black hole.
@chuchernaut74194 күн бұрын
Yeah, same has happened to me many times. The best you can do is get away from them. It's like trying to save someone from drowning while they swim downwards and pull you with them, or like setting yourself on fire justo to keep them warm (when they are going to swim on frozen water 5 minutes later anyway, and blame everyone else but themselves.
@westingtyler13 күн бұрын
@@chuchernaut7419 yes totally
@Tamales213 күн бұрын
Damn. This hit me square in the memories. Now I got the feelings.
@westingtyler12 күн бұрын
@@Tamales21 well you're not alone!
@aaronh2778Күн бұрын
But dat a$$ tho….
@WatchYouUpTo17 күн бұрын
"I don't want to feel better, I want everyone around me to hurt as much as me." That's the vibe this gives.
@TyinAlaska5 ай бұрын
He did listen. He showed that by responding with interest and an on point conclusion. She's the one that's not listening.
@PeturMag5 ай бұрын
You must be from some other place because here in the west nothing is ever a womans fault ever. We have a joke here in Iceland... "A women took responsibility for her actions and apologized."
@domojestic41555 ай бұрын
You're missing the point. He's listening to what she's *saying*, sure, but listening goes beyond that first superficial level. You have to listen to what *the person thinks they needs*. And that "thinks" is the operative word here; you might observe what you believe the clear source of a problem, but in that moment, the issue is more emotionally charged than logically so. If he had just sat down and listened - without trying to find where he could input, because that's not really listening for listening's sake - then she would've felt heard and more comfortable. And *then*, paradoxically, she would be more open to solutions. If the wind is blowing so hard that your garden is being ripped to shreds, the solution is to build a greenhouse. But to build it in the middle of the torrent is a fool's errand; let the wind pass, then enact the solution under more peaceful and manageable conditions.
@Lost1ntheSauc35 ай бұрын
That's literally the point of the video
@georgiynikitenko76005 ай бұрын
@@Lost1ntheSauc3i still missed it though.
@JB-xl2jc5 ай бұрын
@@domojestic4155But if you come to me with an issue and ask for my input and advice, and based on my experience and skillset I feel I can genuinely help you, then you ignore any advice and experience from me... why did you even come to me? Just to vent? Fine, then say that upfront... but be prepared for me to vent in return about how frustrating it is to constantly be presented with solvable issues for which my solutions aren't desired or implemented.
@straxacore2 ай бұрын
Still accurate over a decade later. Will probably still be like this in a millennia
@Voodoomaria11 күн бұрын
This has been accurate since the beginning of time.
@_Mikekkk10 күн бұрын
Human nature does not change.
@JacksRifleRacks5 ай бұрын
Just so you all know, this video was used in my law enforcement training for crisis management/dealing with a “suspect” or person of interest in crisis as a means of verbal de-escalation. I have shared this same video since being shown it then, because it is real. Active listening skills are remarkably important when resolving someone’s disgruntled emotional state. Sometimes in order for someone to return to homeostasis, it requires empathy and understanding, not to attempt to solve their problem. A fragile emotional state is not the time for that. The time for logic and reason is later, once homeostasis has been achieved. You can’t efficiently fix a problem when you’re in emotional distress. You need to be calmed first before being able to apply reason. (Edit: added “verbal” to de-escalation.)
@thagomizer47115 ай бұрын
What country? I highly doubt the U.S.
@Joseph8435 ай бұрын
Good question lol@@thagomizer4711
@PxlMrk5 ай бұрын
Thanks for leaving this comment! I often struggle to communicate with people who are not in homeostasis and wonder why facts and logic doesn't help them come into reason. Your comment was so helpful for me to realize that I need to help them find homeostasis before I dump a bunch of reason and logic on them.
@Kommander_Rahnn5 ай бұрын
You should probably delete this.
@thagomizer47115 ай бұрын
@@PxlMrkthe fuck are you talking about?
@alr6463Ай бұрын
"It hurts when I bang my head against this wall" "Ok. Then stop banging your head against the wall" "Will you shut up"
@Scorpious1878 жыл бұрын
This video changed my marriage. My wife will let me fix things now... occasionally.
@danl15197 жыл бұрын
wow!
@peggyevans16857 жыл бұрын
Dan L
@livenfree7 жыл бұрын
So by just reflecting how she is feeling opened her up to accepting your help?
@livenfree7 жыл бұрын
Gurfi0 - sarcasm?
@deadmoron17 жыл бұрын
No, no. _Innuendo._
@dhe7779 жыл бұрын
A woman was drowning. I look at her from the dock and said, "I know you do not want me to "fix" your situation. I want you to know that I know what your feeling, the desperation, the fear, you see I almost drowned, so I can relate, I sympathize and have compassion for you. I am sorry this is happening to you. The woman died, but I feel very good that I provided her with the comfort of my sympathy and compassion and did not upset her by "fixing" her situation.
@raekah46168 жыл бұрын
Maybe you didn't upset her, not bc of not trying to "fix" it, but maybe you didn't "upset" her by not failing to pay attention, acknowledging the circumstance/respecting the position of another human being, then one is more able to evaluate the situation and then employ the response that would actually fix the problem and the more we practice to pay attention, consider others' feelings (just like we feel as well) the faster we can do it in times of emergency. And In my understanding intuition and reaction is sometimes instinctive and crucially essential but emergency situations (such as reacting to a drowning) are different from regular interactions when human beings need to be acknowledged or else who is going to be doing the listening ever if no one is listening?
@idonno4188 жыл бұрын
+Dennis Espinoza - Brilliant. =)
@dhe7778 жыл бұрын
+Rae Kah To recognize the issue is "listening". To fix it is to integrate compassion with action that actually accomplishes something more objectively tangible. The point I was making was one of priority.
@Mirani28 жыл бұрын
+Dennis Espinoza You know, maybe you could, I dunno, save her AND not deny how she's feeling? Men always want excuses to ignore women's feelings, but they never seem to have any problem empathizing with other men, hmmmm, I wonder why that might be...?
@Mirani28 жыл бұрын
+Dennis Espinoza No, dennis. Because a lot of times the man uses the excuse of fixing it to IGNORE her feelings. There is no excuse for that.
@luisacarneiro9367 Жыл бұрын
I am reading the book "Emotional Agility" and she described this video in one of the chapters. Wow it is perfect!
@theapologist6717 Жыл бұрын
I was thinking about buying that book... Recommend it?
@luisacarneiro9367 Жыл бұрын
@@theapologist6717 Yes I think it is worth it. It has some practical advice and she really makes you think about negative emotions in a different context. Give it a try.
@0xp5569 ай бұрын
I'm reading Ego Authority Failure and this video was mentioned 😂😂😂
@husainhaider7867 ай бұрын
I too found it in Emotional Agility by Susan David
@z-beeblebroxАй бұрын
The true unstoppable force and immovable object is the clash between the problem solver and the empath.
@alexeykrylov999515 күн бұрын
But the girl is not an empath here. She ignores his partner's feelings in this clip.
@IDadGoodAlot2 жыл бұрын
Jason, i just wanted you to know that this short has shaped my conversations over the MANY years since release, with people thousands of times. I find myself saying “That.. sounds…… really hard” ALL THE TIME. I have shared it (along with many of you other KZfaq vids) and i will continue to share it, cuz it is timeless and perfectly succinct. Thank you.
@bmfitzgerald32 жыл бұрын
It's truly a work of art, and of course so insightful to those who choose to truly understand the message(s) being conveyed.
@synthetic2402 жыл бұрын
I've been doing it too and you know what? I actually does work. Well, it doesn't help solve their problem. It works to get people (not just women) to stop complaining so much in the moment, but the downside is that now "you're a really good listener" and now you've got to hear about all their other problems. And they all sound... really hard.
@Rainlitnight2 жыл бұрын
@@synthetic240 a friend is venting to you because they're frustrated and sad and overwhelmed. And you're listening because you're a good friend with a kind heart that leaves space for them to be comfortable to vent. If it actually bothers you to listen, stop being fake about it. If it only gets to you sometimes (hey, listeners need to vent too, or they need breaks), COMMUNICATE it Edit: venting is not for problem solving. It's to express pain without needing to seek a solution. Often times we have a solution in mind we can handle ourselves but things are too overwhelming in the moment
@jhssuthrnmama Жыл бұрын
I don't think you should capitulate the stupidity. It is stupid to just want to complain and complain about a problem, and not want a solution. It's perfectly reasonable to want to vent about something, but if you only want to vent, and not solve, and you want to do it in perpetuity, especially when the solution is very obvious, that's just stupid. P. S. I'm a woman.
@apwill4765 Жыл бұрын
@@Rainlitnight isnt the point of the video making fun of the woman for preferring to complain about her problems rather than implement the simple, obvious solution? I don't think this is extolling the virtues of venting.
@joedavenport9342 жыл бұрын
I have watched this video a hundred times and shared it many more times than that. This video has single handedly helped me with so many relationships, not just romantic ones. I am a black-and-white "fixer" and to those who are storytellers I appear very cold and unemotional. Using this video has helped me be more emotionally available to everyone.
@PerryandKim2 жыл бұрын
How does this video help you as a fixer? I'm 100% a fixer too. I need help. I want to understand people, but... I don't understand why they seem to prefer to hold onto their problem and keep complaining, rather than try a reasonable solution. And why is it good and helpful for me to hold my tongue and make sympathetic noises, rather than press them to solve their problem? Honest questions!
@Peakprospr420 Жыл бұрын
@@PerryandKim never change my man. Tell her straight up.I'm only available to speak if we gon discuss a solution.if not I ain't listening.
@cheffromspace9771 Жыл бұрын
@@PerryandKim People often already have a solution in mind when complaining. It's not for problem solving it's just things are so overwhelming in the moment they need some validation and sympathy.
@apwill4765 Жыл бұрын
@@cheffromspace9771 I think the whole point of the sketch is to point out the stupidity of that. Making useless sympathetic noises but keeping actual solutions to yourself because your partner isn't interested in solving the problem is... stupid. Especially when you've heard the same vent 1000 times.
@allison9810 Жыл бұрын
The sketch is obviously written from the perspective of making fun of the woman, but it unintentionally highlights the frustrations on both sides. The man's immediate assumption is that the nail is causing her problems (fair) and that she hasn't figured that out for herself yet (less fair). It's very reasonable to imagine that she knows about the nail, that she can't just "get it out" because it's lodged in her brain and requires complex surgery, and the fact that she's suffering because of it is upsetting her. Next time you see someone with a nail, consider that they may already have put themselves on a long waitlist for delicate nail-removal brain surgery, and in the meantime, they are expressing valid pain and frustration over something they can't do *more* about right now. It's okay to set boundaries about not listening to complaints you can't handle, but when people express frustration about others trying to "fix" their problems, it's usually not the solution that's upset them but the assumption that they don't already have a solution in mind, and the implicit devaluing of their emotions while they're struggling towards that solution. Some of us have just been told that we have to wait six months before the nail can be safely removed, and we know we're going to spend those six months in pain, and we're *upset* about it. Being listened to and having our frustrations validated helps us to endure that pain.
@MERCYFRANK6 ай бұрын
If telling people their blind spot upsets them, take them to a mirror. It sinks deep when insight comes from ones own mind. This is a powerful message even to me.
@antediluvianatheist52625 ай бұрын
She knows the nail is there. but she has brain damage. because there's a nail in her skull. and she gets upset when people tell her to fix the nail, because everyone assumes that her headache MUST be cause by the nail. It might not be. It might be stress. But it's very probably the nail.
@Bolsty74 ай бұрын
Woman misses the point entirely. Nobody is surprised.
@robertellis68532 ай бұрын
@@antediluvianatheist5262 It very probably is the nail. And if it isn't the nail causing the headaches, it's obfuscating the issue. And it's the thing tearing up her sweaters too most likely. So let's at least look into the possibility of having it removed. Maybe, instead of just saying "It isn't the nail", she should say "it might be the nail, but for the moment please just commiserate with me." Or even "this is not about the nail, but how it makes me feel." Both of those let the man know that his input is heard, and understood to be not unreasonable, but also not what she is looking for at the moment.
@guardrailbiter5 ай бұрын
Listen to her..... then tell her she's been working hard lately and probably could use a restful nap. Once she falls asleep, carefully strap her down to the bed and retrieve some locking pliers from your toolbox.
@LaurieWilliams-lk8fc4 күн бұрын
No. Get the pliers and leave them by the bed.
@connorohare22349 жыл бұрын
in her defense it's damaging her frontal lobe(controlling her reasoning skills)
@Cannonissomoney8 жыл бұрын
She has an actual nail in her head?!
@twelveytwelve8 жыл бұрын
Cannonissomoney I'm assuming you're being facetious but, in case you're not, no, that's actually a fake nail used for the purposes of the skit.
@shoppermom268 жыл бұрын
+thejollyjumbuck Seriously?
@Rooshman8 жыл бұрын
+Connor O'Hare No. It's just her.
@souravzzz8 жыл бұрын
+Connor O'Hare Stop trying to fix it!
@Bea7682 жыл бұрын
She wants to be heard but doesn't want her problem fixed. This is fine for as long as she gets headaches and her sweaters get snagged being the only problem. That is her problem and she can choose to fix it or not. What about the moment when the nail poked her husband at the end though? Should he risk his eyes being poked out or should he say: "You can choose to go around with the nail in the head, but I will not come near until I feel safe"? In reality, the nail is not only her problem, but her partners' as well. Personal problems remain personal until they start affecting others. Then they become shared problems and we all have the right to tend to our own issues and fix them.
@Sarasclinic12 жыл бұрын
I'm a woman and I have to say you have a point in the respect that if it starts hurting others then it definitely should be helped but I think the point is, if it's not hurting others, sometimes a woman or a man, just want to be heard 🌻 I did laugh though as going through cancer now and it's difficult to talk sometimes and just be heard without fixing 🎗
@jennsacks13022 жыл бұрын
Honestly, listening to someone you care about complain about an easily fixable solution is very draining. There's only so much sympathy i can offer before it becomes a me-problem too. Empathy means we feel for the other person. If we empathize with someone, and share in their pain, then we are hurting too. A quick venting session isn't a big deal, and if someone has a not-easily-fixable problem, that's understandable too; But if you're close to someone who wants to regularly talk about how a very solvable problem is negatively affecting them and wants you to empathize, i just see that as childish and selfish. "I'm in pain, and even though I could fix it, i don't want to. But i also want you to feel bad for me."
@lunettasuziejewel2080 Жыл бұрын
I had to tell the love of my life that I was going to step away until she came to me ready to work on her (admittedly, extremely serious) problems, because she was "dealing" with her problems by literally refusing to engage with me. We've always been long-distance, so this took the form of not answering calls, texts, emails, IMs, anything, for days or weeks; finding reasons to avoid coming to see me; and always being "busy" on those occasions when we did get to see each other, avoiding eye contact, shaming me for wanting to hold hands or rest my head on her shoulder in public. When she finally admitted to me what the problem was, she flatly refused to let me talk to her about her mental health. And I did try to abide by that, but when her behavior didn't change, she clearly wasn't getting better, and all I did was cry all the time and obsess over if I was helping or hurting her, if I was selfish or not... I had to give up, not because I was done with her but because I could see that her method of coping--ignoring what she needed to do to get better, and refusing to have even a friendship with me, let alone a romance--was not helping her get better, and that it was making me worse, or at least just swapping out one sort of misery for another. Unloading on someone who loves you and then refusing to either let them help you, or to not allow them to see that you're doing something to help yourself...it's devastating.
@mr.dirtydan33385 ай бұрын
It's not about not wanting the problem to be fixed. Obviously any sane person wants their problems fixed. There are ways to help people without giving them the answer. And goddamn if it's that big a deal tell them to go see a therapist.
@mr.dirtydan33385 ай бұрын
@@thatvalensteingirl sure, but I would also argue that people often times already know the answer to their problems. It's just a matter of actually realizing the solution. Sometimes people legitimately cannot do anything about their circumstances, and just want someone to listen to them.
@MRtreeguy90420 күн бұрын
That is why after 20 years of marriage and 10 years of dating I am just single, I can't do this anymore.
@dougler5005 ай бұрын
And she went on to star in Top Gun! Great Success!!
@pdxgolfpro5 ай бұрын
Thank you! I was looking for this comment. I couldn't remember where I'd seen her. Monica Barbaro. Also in the new Netflix series Fubar with Arnold.
@jamesha1755 ай бұрын
right then. Top Gun was 38 years ago - i bet it predates this by quite a bit. thumbs up though for recognizing her.
@CrankyOldDave4 ай бұрын
@@jamesha175Umm...Not the original. The sequel. IMDB is your friend. 🙂
@jamesha1754 ай бұрын
@@CrankyOldDave wow i didn't even know that there was a sequel
@mbrackeva4 ай бұрын
@@jamesha175 That's because it didn't need a sequel. Just like so many other sequels today.
@michaelritz39510 жыл бұрын
I love the hypocrisy of needing to be listened to but not listening back, so sad.... so true....
@pauljackson240910 жыл бұрын
Excellent point. In fact she's not only not listening back, but snapping at him when he tries to help.
@caitsgrden5 жыл бұрын
@@pauljackson2409 ( above are both men )
@pauljackson24095 жыл бұрын
@Caitilin McGuire Yes, and you're not listening. Kind of proves our point, doesn't it?
@jetsamperes57625 жыл бұрын
most people don't listen. They are only waiting for their turn to talk.
@Xollob25 жыл бұрын
@@pauljackson2409 it rather does. Typical of females sexist attitudes towards men.
@Wolfingrey7 жыл бұрын
I think it's interesting how different people view this in totally different ways.
@SomeGuy-xf9bc2 жыл бұрын
It's horrifying.
@GlazeonthewickeR5 ай бұрын
@@SomeGuy-xf9bcyou’re horrifying
@CorpsesReborn5 ай бұрын
@@SomeGuy-xf9bc Now imagine the nail applied across every subject in life that has human interaction.
@trith725 ай бұрын
If you are a straight man who is or has been married, there is only one way to interpret this.
@yfrit_gg5 ай бұрын
@@trith72This is just flat-out not true lol. There's interpretations in the comments ranging from "women are so annoying and just want to complain instead of ever doing anything" to "often what the issue boils down to is not the problem at hand but their distress about it, which is getting in the way of fixing the problem".
@kenriehl7852 Жыл бұрын
The truth Is, so many people today would rather continue to complain about a problem, instead of actually addressing and fixing it.
@ronwerner4 ай бұрын
Can listen for awhile, but eventually, something has to be done about the nail.
@TealSwanOfficial3 жыл бұрын
This is the best video I've ever seen to sum up what it is like to have my job!
@mithusurendra16643 жыл бұрын
You know at first, I thought it was you in the thumbnail Teal
@andreperry33013 жыл бұрын
That sounds very hard.
@Goodwishes673 жыл бұрын
Yes teal!!!
@notanothercomedian3 жыл бұрын
i feel the same way evwrytime people unload their problems on me. ita just like, "well if you stopped doing that you wouldnt have this problem"
@simonavin37873 жыл бұрын
Facts 😂
@leonh19713 жыл бұрын
I laughed at this video and my wife got mad and said "A man must have made this" I think we might be fighting now but I can just never be sure anymore. Funny video, At least I think so.
@OtherMike50003 жыл бұрын
Stay safe!!
@coreybrown41923 жыл бұрын
It’s not about the nail !
@nunuvyobiznes91493 жыл бұрын
Of course a man made it. It’s good!
@nicomultilocke3 жыл бұрын
@@nunuvyobiznes9149 shouldn't have laughed that hard to this
@mikestrickland27553 жыл бұрын
She's pissed because it's accurate AF!!
@StefaniRd5 ай бұрын
i'm a natural fixer. when i was 17, my first gf told me that when she'd vent, she wanted validation rather than problem-solving. it didn't make sense to me, but i still adapted to do it, and it changed our relationship for the better. i've kept that in mind since then. sometimes people need to get their emotions under control to be able to fix their problems; and then they'll usually even be able to fix it solely by themselves. it's unfortunate that so many fellow fixers in the comments are defensive about it, being a supportive listener is an invaluable relationship skill.
@DannyJoe085 ай бұрын
Woman's opinion detected. Invalid.
@theswissmiss695 ай бұрын
This is a really beautiful comment! Thanks for sharing.☺️
@radiohead22064 ай бұрын
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
@isaacruiz39914 ай бұрын
Wouldn’t it be possible to provide the support/validation needed….and then fix the problem afterward?
@StefaniRd3 ай бұрын
@@isaacruiz3991 sure! in my experience, usually the person can fix it by themselves after venting, but if they need help, they'll be more likely to accept it if they had their feelings validated first.
@patrickvalentino6004 ай бұрын
10 years on, still one of the best videos
@TheNobleScoundrel9 жыл бұрын
"Honey, I'd agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong..."
@restoretheearth28296 жыл бұрын
TheNobleScoundrel + thinks he is smart. Not.
@odinswald5 жыл бұрын
What a wonderful quote!
@russelllovett42724 жыл бұрын
you can be right, or you can be happy
@oap814 жыл бұрын
I'm stealing this
@redrock19634 жыл бұрын
I'd agree with you but one of us has to be right.
@paulnewman24268 жыл бұрын
I saw this years ago and every time I'm in a "is it the nail?" situation I come back and watch..this is brilliant on so many levels and his facial expressions perfect he's my hero
@holaholahee Жыл бұрын
do u still do dat
@mj8495 Жыл бұрын
@@holaholaheeits still not about the nail 😊
@toddgunther8272 Жыл бұрын
"...and all my sweaters are snagged..." gets me every time...
@eyesuckle Жыл бұрын
*All* of them!
@philipr.609017 күн бұрын
How did she keep a straight face?! 😂
@MrSchwamp3 ай бұрын
Sometimes the best thing you can do is just get where someone is at. Don't try to fix, solve etc. just get it. Heard that in an est Training, Jack Tar Hotel, San Francisco 1978. Werner Erhard you are the BEST!
@frederickvan10 жыл бұрын
They totally nailed this one.
@ruconscious10 жыл бұрын
Every woman I've ever dated...
@AndyZavodny10 жыл бұрын
Oh but it is about the nail.
@DonnaMorton10 жыл бұрын
Totally nailed it!
@GriLtCheeZ10 жыл бұрын
No, you nailed it, sir!
@RendallRen6 жыл бұрын
I am jealous that I did not think of this pun.
@JohnnyWishbone858 жыл бұрын
I think that both types of person can learn from this. Sometimes, someone just wants to be validated, to know that they aren't crazy, and that it's okay to feel the way that they do. Other times, you have to stop crying and fix the fucking problem. The key to being an adult is knowing when to take which approach.
@rxramon8 жыл бұрын
I ask my wife off the bat if she wants me to just listen or help her figure out a fix.
@simplyfrancois8 жыл бұрын
+RxRamon Best approach. Thanks
@Psalm139v138 жыл бұрын
+RxRamon, you are a wise man and will still be married after many others have been divorced and on their second and third marriage. Teach a class! Way to go!
@rxramon8 жыл бұрын
+Psalm139 v13: Lots of trial and error, but a lot of people don't adapt to either. A class sounds interesting, ha! Maybe a psa on my page.
@rxramon8 жыл бұрын
+François Auerbach: I'm going to make a short marriage psa video with some weird humor and see if anyone seems to appreciate it.
@Maouww5 ай бұрын
0:33 "It is _not_ about the _nail_." [bombastic side eye] I love this actress so much!
@woodrow10375 ай бұрын
Yep, spot on. My wife and I dated 4 years, and now have been married 47 years. And this is a good representation of how it's been. Only took me 7 or 8 years to learn it.
@kevinlamour7825 ай бұрын
you nailed it!
@blableebleebla5 ай бұрын
Poor bastard !
@MrCmon1135 ай бұрын
You're married 47 years to someone, who completely refuses to acknowledge the obvious.
@georgiynikitenko76005 ай бұрын
Still learning...
@grappler1856 жыл бұрын
Thousands of years of the complexities of a relationship between a man and woman explained in 1 minute and 41 seconds. Brilliant!!!
@jenniferhush66012 жыл бұрын
Right??? Totally brilliant!
@virginiaafentoulis94322 жыл бұрын
Because relationships are not complex, we make it so with our stubbornness, fear and anger. Lol.
@laurakusch74492 жыл бұрын
@@virginiaafentoulis9432 "Stubbornness, fear and anger" AKA being a human being. So yeah, relationships ARE hard. Because we're humans.
@apurvabhatt16092 жыл бұрын
@@virginiaafentoulis9432 Well, that's what makes relationships complex Lol!
@mbg96502 жыл бұрын
She wants to deal with emotions; he's looking for a rational solution. They're totally imcompatible.
@unabAshedVO2 жыл бұрын
I feel this so hard! People tend to not want to take responsibility to fix the problem, they want someone to support them in not fixing the problem. It's called "fighting for your limitations" and it's a problem in and of itself. As a person who people tend to come to for advice that they don't intend to listen to, I am thankful for this humor. I also have learned to ask some questions before offering the advice so we don't end up wasting each other's time, or just not being available for it at all.
@onetooneafrica7125 Жыл бұрын
Right?!? The world must accept me for who I am, is the common response vs taking responsibility for one's own rubbish, and Doing The Work!
@robertliberto666410 ай бұрын
How insightful. Supporting them in not fixing the problem 😂
@saraholmes59999 ай бұрын
Totally. But if we let people talk it out, they can feel better, and AFTER feeling better be able to see it more objectively and find some solutions/see repeating patterns.
@adissentingopinion8488 ай бұрын
@@saraholmes5999 Indeed. In medicine, we sedate the patient for surgery not because it causes them less pain, but because it's easier to fix stuff while it isn't crying or screaming. Doctors would do it either way, just look at surgery before anesthesia. But the pain and emotions are real and they are included in the problem by default. A patient forced to be asleep will jerk around unconsciously if you don't manage their pain. Babies and children remember this pain and it can cause bad reactions later in life. Now, if babies and children can develop neuroticism from a bad childhood experience, don't be surprised when suffering individuals accumulate increasingly larger damage. If you don't manage this pain, the person involved may become inefficient or incapable of problem solving all because of these emotions. They stick with them. Listen to sounds people make like you listen to sounds your car make.
@agm54245 ай бұрын
@@saraholmes5999 Is actually supposed to be the other way around. You first the problem and then latter when it's no longer around to cause more problems, you analyze it and talk about it so you can learn from it and don't repeat it.
@michaelstafford46285 ай бұрын
So a therapist asked me to watch this video to understand how sometimes women don't want a solution they just want to be heard and get some empathy. And honestly this just encapsulates my frustration and the only thing it taught me is to leave them be and hope they figure out on their own. I'm not going validate their feelings when there is solution to how they are feeling.
@rugcutter2849 ай бұрын
1:02 “I don’t know what it is” He literally just told her what it is…
@eleuinvideos8 жыл бұрын
whenever you try to give someone free tech support, remember you are that girl that we have to deal with
@hnst9018 жыл бұрын
Been there!
@squareyes19818 жыл бұрын
+Gordon Freeman Or any motoring matter. Us partonising gits with our silly 'expertise'.
@eleuinvideos8 жыл бұрын
***** tech support is really a pita for this very reason though. It doesn't matter if its the right way or even good, experience shows you just don't don't screw up their mess, even if its causing the problem. People always complain about change, no exceptions
@squareyes19818 жыл бұрын
Gordon Freeman That sounds really hard, {sorry, couldn't resist]
@ArtfulShelley8 жыл бұрын
+Ian O'Riordan Expertise vs. not is the issue...not women. I get the same issue in graphic design...and I'm sure others do in their professions.
@chris.strobel8 жыл бұрын
I wish the thumbnail didn't use the nail image - lessens the impact for viewers who catch a glimpse of that!
@chris.strobel7 жыл бұрын
Yeah, but the nail could be any kind of nail...the thumbnail's visual lessens the impact when it appears in the story.
@randaji7 жыл бұрын
Stop trying to fix everything! It's not about the thumbnail!
@Tipster496 жыл бұрын
Randy Reichenbach 😂😂😂 clever!!! literally laughing out loud
@Tipster496 жыл бұрын
Chris Strobel you make a good point but I think Randy got the last word on this one 😊😂
@diedraajayi27765 жыл бұрын
Yeah! They would definitely have nailed it had it appeared just before the kiss, oh...lol
@billirons62772 ай бұрын
This is a classic. What a great job. What great insight. I love you all.
@georget.63575 ай бұрын
Excellent video! It is best to allow or guide the person with the problem to figure it out for themselves. We shouldn't take away a person's opportunity to learn from their own mistakes. If they can take responsibility for their situation, they feel empowered not threatened. And, yes, sometimes there is just nothing you can do for them.
@markmacinnis2758 жыл бұрын
The look of painful restraint - priceless. Great work!
@eyesuckle Жыл бұрын
For me, too, the funniest moment has to be that cut where we first see the man and the pained expression on his face. That and the snagged sweaters line.
@sdjnjferri9 жыл бұрын
If a man says something in the forest and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?
@johnkuiper4019 жыл бұрын
probably so.... need to learn to ignore the nails, I guess
@billybobturtl9 жыл бұрын
Sean Ferri of course he's wrong: if he's saying anything , it means he's distracted from felling that tree she so desperately needed. _( of course, when he eventually gets it dragged home, it will suddenly appear to have been a nice shrubbery that had been demanded all along... )_ _rinse._ _repeat._ _segue into monty python skit_ ...
@NoSheep29 жыл бұрын
+Sean Ferri You could know that yourself from the start, unless you are thinking out loud, which is what I do...I verbalize my thoughts and work out solutions as I hear myself articulate them. I also keep a journal to write down first impressions, go back and look at it when I can and contemplate the situations. You might examine your viewpoint and decide if you are right or wrong. I have found, earnest people, male or female, offer considered thoughts and respond in kind.
@MaximusArurealius8 жыл бұрын
+Sean Ferri, If a woman says something in the forest and no man is there to hear her, is she still nagging?
@billybobturtl8 жыл бұрын
MaximusArurealius yes. _( it's known as the "automatic nag reflex" - an intrinsic feature emergent from all structures lacking a Y chromosome... )_
@parklloyd669029 күн бұрын
I have sent this video to so many people. It's so perfect to show the differences between men (fixers) and women (feelings), relationship issues, etc. Even with my wife of 34 years, if I try to help and get shut down, I think "If you could just get that nail out of your head," but I've learned to not say it. Cheers.
@robertcanup44736 күн бұрын
Monica Barbaro was absolutely perfect in this role, and it led to her role as "Phoenix" in "Topgun Maverick". The first time I saw this my reaction was "Where did they get that actress?".
@omnipotentgoku3 жыл бұрын
I have to come back to this every now and again. This is internet gold
@mikekrier14658 жыл бұрын
This is so well done. I mean not just the concept but the camera work and the actors (her subtle eye movements at the begging)... The whole thing is brilliantly done. I give this a 10/10
@ultravioletron5 ай бұрын
This will blow up 10 years later....wait
@TheBonsaiZone2 ай бұрын
Imagine how trapped the nail feels.
@philipr.609017 күн бұрын
😂
@douglasjessup4 жыл бұрын
This is about as timeless and universal as it gets right here. Amen Jason!
@susanboatright86624 жыл бұрын
I get that listening is important but sometimes we get so caught up in whatever is going on that we don't actually "see" the problem! I personally like it when I talk to my husband about my problems and he has suggestions that I may not have thought of! Simply telling me that I understand you are hurting, in pain, confused, etc. does NOTHING for me!
@ranredd854 жыл бұрын
Exactly. Men offering solutions shows we care. We want the problem to go away. We want to solve the root cause. Just validating the feelings doesn't make the actual problem go away.
@RichardChappell13 жыл бұрын
That means you probably haven't been steeped in grievance studies. Universities have inundated the nation with this kind of behavior.
@nodoboho3 жыл бұрын
@@ranredd85 Exactly x 2. *Women* (like me) offering solutions shows we care. For all the same reasons you gave. It's not as "gendered" as people think. It's about personality. I'm a problem-solver, analyzer, thinker...I'm empathetic, but I'm pragmatic..."fix it and you'll feel better".
@josephbrosk43843 жыл бұрын
What makes you think there is a problem? It's not about the nail. That's her problem & she will deal with it when she is good & ready. She is talking about her ability to soldier in spite of the difficulties, like snagged sweaters. She's to be admired for her perseverance! (In the same way we admire Scott of the Antarctic. He never solved any of his problems either, but is greatly admired for what he endured.)
@Ayachii2202 жыл бұрын
It’s not so much an issue to provide solutions, the issue is that often when we jump right into problem solving mode it can leave the other person feeling invalidated or like the other person did not hear them fully. Sometimes people talk about their problems just to feel heard and other times they do it because they want advise and help. It’s important to always empathize first and then ask do you want advise or help coming up with solutions after. At the end of the day everyone is different and it’s just best to ask what they’re looking for do they just want to vent or are they looking for advise, just asking that simple question can help with any tension that may happen if you just assume they want you to fix it.
@wildfire9280 Жыл бұрын
The male version: “I feel worthless and unlovable.” “Just go to the gym bro.”
@Ghost-jk3oi3 ай бұрын
This is so true. Everyone is acting like this is just a man vs woman problem when it's just a human thing that occurs in basically all social circles
@Ghost-jk3oi3 ай бұрын
This is so true. Ppl are making this into a man vs. woman situation when it's just a human thing that can be found in virtually every social group
@TalkingWeirdStuff247 күн бұрын
I'm a woman and my Dad was and is a total "it's not about the nail" person. I was a captive audience to this video for about 2 decades, and these people are insufferable and will break you down incrementally over the years. My Dad's modus operandi is to passively aggressively complain about something, then when you offer a solution, he refuses the solution because things should just be the way he wants to them to be with no effort on his part. These people are waking nightmares and the way they behave frequently borders on outright gaslighting.
@riffgroove9 жыл бұрын
Chris Rock said it best... "We men are handicapped when it comes to arguing with women... "We are handicapped because we have this uncontrollable need to make sense."
@stopthephilosophicalzombie90175 жыл бұрын
If you connect this observation with what's going on with the Kavanaugh hearings, you'll see why there's a sudden interest in the "Repeal the 19th Amendment" movement.
@williambarnes50235 жыл бұрын
It's not even the sympathy a woman wants. Sympathy is just the litmus test she uses that lets her know she has a workable excuse. When a woman comes to you with her problems, she's not looking for a solution, or even really for sympathy. What she wants to know is "How much of my personal responsibility does this excuse allow me to abdicate and how much can I get away with not doing or what can I be given because of it?" Men pull the nail out because the answer is "zero," so they need a solution. Men want to pull the nail out of the woman, because an upset woman makes trouble for men, and so they need a solution. If women pulled the nail out, they lose their scapegoat and have to be responsible again. So it's not about the nail, it's about testing how worthy a scapegoat the excuse of the nail is. They don't want the problem gone. They want to collect all the excuses they encounter in their entire life history in a jar like fireflies, to be held up and shaken at any time whenever someone has expectations of them. That's why she remembers that one thing you said five years ago, or the one time you told her that some idea she had was logically flawed. It's a firefly. They certainly don't want some man to come along and shatter the jar and fix all their problems. That would ruin everything. Then they'd have to get off their ass and do something. Men are trying to get the job done. Women are trying to make it not their fault that the job isn't done. Which usually involves blaming a man and making him do the job. Because everyone knows men have to be responsible. Because women can't be. And this is why when you come home from a long day of work wage slaving to provide for her, and catch her getting banged by Chad and Tyrone, it's your fault that she's cheating on you, because look at all these fireflies in my jar. And when she says it's all a man's fault, she's actually right. It is. When the dog crashes your car, it's not the dog's fault. It doesn't have the capability to take responsibility for its actions. Why did you let the dog drive your car? You knew the dog couldn't drive.
@stopthephilosophicalzombie90175 жыл бұрын
+William Barnes That's brilliant. Hence the "Happy wife, happy life" mantra. What's creepy though is that the feminist infection is inculcating men with this same ethos. I know. I was raised by one, and I'm still in recovery.
@stopthephilosophicalzombie90175 жыл бұрын
+William Barnes Sounds good to me. I love your take btw, reminds me of the moment when I realized how women 'shit test' in early relationships. How did someone so young (presumably if you're on KZfaq) get so wise?
@williambarnes50235 жыл бұрын
Don't listen to what people say. Watch what they do. That's all there is to it. Stereotypes don't come from nowhere. There's no stereotype about how Turks are made of glass, or how Brazilians are shrewd gamblers. That's not an accident. Stereotypes have to convey useful information or warning to stay alive. The black stereotype about watermelon and grape drink is falling away as we speak, because it was a passing fad. The ones about stealing, contempt for education, and being fatherless, aren't going anywhere. Why not? It is the deepest of mysteries mankind was not meant to know. Lol, just kidding. It's obvious. Once upon a time, I got offended by proxy when I heard someone use stereotypes of Jews being money-grubbing loan sharks. I think it was an episode of South Park, where the little Jewish boy was playing with a dreidel at holiday time. They had a song, and that made me wonder. Because I didn't know any Jewish holiday traditions, or how to play dreidel which is apparently their big cultural game, or about the song, and I was interested in proving that the stereotype of money grubbing loanshark banker was just unfounded bigotry. I will now wait, while you look up the rules to how to play dreidel.
@PVAPlayy8 жыл бұрын
This video is truer than most people will realize.
@Moviefan2k48 жыл бұрын
Or admit.
@DJAZAlwayz7 жыл бұрын
V Remus on sooo many levels . the accuracy is on point
@post52304 жыл бұрын
True that
@jarpero Жыл бұрын
That's because most people are women.
@1001Hobbies5 ай бұрын
TEN YEARS LATER, and 25 MILLION VIEWS......that's all? This is one of the best things ever on KZfaq. You really made something special. I commented on this 10 years ago and just now it came up in my "recommendeds" again. This is something special Congratulations for catching lightning in a bottle.
@ryder16585 ай бұрын
"I'll listen if you promise to get the nail taken care of after."
@trainofthoughtmadden85468 жыл бұрын
As a marriage therapist, I recommend this video to everyone.
@kattie066 жыл бұрын
Train of Thought Madden my DBT therapist showed this to our group during a validation session. Brilliant example
@djj64526 жыл бұрын
And how should women react to men’s thoughts .
@kattie066 жыл бұрын
Seadog. Exactly the same way, just listen. Trust me, there's many a time I bite my tongue and let my man do things the wrong way. Aka the nail. Because to constantly just fix it for him isn't any help, sometimes it better just to ride the waves and listen, go with the flow, and let them sort it out themselves. Empowerment
@djj64526 жыл бұрын
Kathryn Tubecki : Thank you. But sometimes I can’t help myself from helping.
@richardweber5735 жыл бұрын
It might be the wrong way for you, but it's the right way for him. . . . . Did you think he was wrong for wanting to take the nail out of her head?
@andriuszokaitis19683 жыл бұрын
This is spot on. Someone who created this is a genius 👏
@mermerac96105 ай бұрын
Perfect. It does not get any better or clearer that this. Bravo 👏🏻👏🏻
@Daniel-deMerrivale11 күн бұрын
I really liked the line “and I keep snagging my sweaters”😂😂
@kwade195710 жыл бұрын
I know some people won't like this, but it's the truth. In dealing with the women in my life (1 wife, 3 daughters), I find I sometimes have to outsmart them in situations like this. For example, if I were in the situation shown in this video I would say, "I'm sorry, but I'm really having trouble paying attention to what you are saying because I am too distracted by the nail in your head. Can you please help me solve MY problem by getting it removed so I can focus better on listening to you?" I have found that women are almost invariably willing to help solve a perceived or admitted-to failing in men, and by reframing THEIR problem as a failing on MY part, it's amazing how quickly and willingly I can get them to set about solving *MY* problem!
@ravivdlin94125 жыл бұрын
Lol so instead of listening and understanding you make it about yourself? Got it!
@JennyDolma5 жыл бұрын
Wow I’ve the same prob except I’m a female and I have this problem with my boyfriend. I’m gonna try this. Because you’re right, he is very logical and considerate when it comes to MY problems but when it comes to his, he gets very negative, complains and (he doesn’t even believe this one or i think is even aware of it) doesn’t want any solution or make it better. Hopefully this works. Thanks!
@Sundanes5 жыл бұрын
This is exactly how I have to deal with my brothers and dad.
@williambarnes50234 жыл бұрын
*"Lol so instead of listening and understanding you make it about yourself? Got it!"* Well, you have to talk to them in a language they understand.
@Fakeslimshady3 жыл бұрын
Years later they will collect enough of your "failings" and use it against you
@bethrutterr8 жыл бұрын
I'm a girl, and have this problem with friends frequently. JUST GET THE FUCKING NAIL OUT!
@Londronable8 жыл бұрын
+Beth Rutter Basically all friends of my sister are male for exactly this reason she has told me. They get shit done. She tells her friends and there are 5 guys willing to help her out, that's what friends do according to her. Not go "ow, that's awful for you".
@superpoluha18 жыл бұрын
i bet she does a lot with those 5 guys.
@Londronable8 жыл бұрын
Tommy "Johny" Wiseau I of course don't know but I doubt it. It's not exactly something I want to know about :p. From what I've heard and seen with a few it's more of a brotherly relationship. She once asked for the same drugs(I believe XTC) her friend got from a 3rd guy and that friend basically start saying she isn't getting this shit and that she's better than that and threatening the dealer if he gave her any. She got an hour long lecture about sticking to weed only.
@kabukiarmadillo8 жыл бұрын
I'd ask you to marry me if I wasn't already... :D
@keyvet8 жыл бұрын
It's nice to know there are rational ladies like yourself out there. Thank you Ma'am.
@user-ik5mn8qv5z6 ай бұрын
This needs to be revisited every now and then to be reminded that we ALL struggle in different cultures, places and times. Very funny and relieving clip.
@TheSpinoza43221 Жыл бұрын
This is easily in the 10 best videos of all time. The song at the end is perfectly picked.
@WarriorWomanOfGod9 жыл бұрын
I'm a woman happy to admit. IT'S THE NAIL LOL
@sophiasmith59494 жыл бұрын
😆
@MaiToi1008 жыл бұрын
This is Awesome! lol A great analogy for so many things. Love it
@richthomas436315 күн бұрын
Every man that's been in a relationship with a woman for longer than a month has had this exact conversation.
@allisonbarclay1543 ай бұрын
There's also a huge difference between a problem that can be fixed relatively quickly and one that can't. Let's say I'm complaining that I'm miserable because I don't have a way to get to work. If you're going to tell me there's a bus that goes directly there, which I don't already know about, by all means go ahead. If you're going to tell me that I need to get a better job and improve my credit score so I can someday buy a car, guess what? I already know that. What I need right now is to vent a little bit so that I don't get so upset I break down crying at work and lose the job I have.
@peepeepoopoovdbhxvbcc6683Ай бұрын
That’s not how it works. The more you hyper focus on your problems the worse they get. You’re not a feeble little thing who’s going to lose everything because your emotions get the better of you in an instant you don’t aunt to do some sort of pressure release valve to keep your sanity. Maybe go for a brisk walk
@realityhitsmehardbro3 жыл бұрын
I used to laugh at the woman in this video, thinking she was completely ridiculous. Then I realized the world is full of people just like this. The events depicted in this video are not fiction, and this is one of the most personally applicable videos on KZfaq. As a "fixer", nothing would insult me more than to finish talking about a big problem in my life and hear someone say, "That sounds really hard". To a "sharer", this is exactly what they're looking for. Just for somebody to listen and acknowledge that they're going through a very hard time in their life. Quite often, nothing else. In fact, they would be highly insulted if you did anything besides hearing them out, just as the woman in this video. I believe this video can be a lesson to both parties portrayed. To the "fixer", to just be quiet and listen when someone is venting, especially when they did not ask for feedback. To the "sharer", that they indeed can appear utterly ridiculous while enduring something easily fixed or entirely prevented in the first place. It really isn't about the nail. It never has been. It's about interacting with people very different from yourself and attempting to understand their needs. By the way, the story is not dependent on the genders as portrayed here. It very well could have been a man with a nail in his head and the lessons remain unchanged. Although the "sitcom dysfunctional couple" may have been chosen for increased comedic effect. Maybe Jason Headley can chime in on this.
@iruns12462 жыл бұрын
How about this: If you just want to be heard, go tell your story to a sharer. If you want to fix your problem, go tell it to a fixer. Why do people force others to act to match their own selfish expectations?
@asheking86032 жыл бұрын
@@iruns1246 Because you don’t get to choose which type the people in your life are. What if your partner, spouse, etc is a fixer and you are a sharer, and you need THAT person to acknowledge something wrong in your relationship? No one else will do, or the problem doesn’t get solved. It’s selfish to think you shouldn’t accommodate for the people you love.
@iruns12462 жыл бұрын
@@asheking8603 well sure, if that's the specific, serious case then it has to be accomodated. I was talking more about the daily conversation. Forcing yourself to accommodate that stuff daily can really take a toll on someone, and on the relationship.
@Mark-em5zm2 жыл бұрын
@@iruns1246 problem is when your partner finds a sharer or fixer from the opposite sex. Now she or he is getting their emotional support from someone else. Emotional cheating is just as bad if not worse than it’s sexual counterpart.
@Mark-em5zm2 жыл бұрын
Let’s be honest, 95% of sharers are female and 95% of fixers are male. It’s how we are wired, kind of like how does a bird know how to make a nest. It’s just ingrained in us.
@berylturner14558 жыл бұрын
Have lived this. Formulated solution; instantly channel her focus to clarify the nature of the conversation. Dramatization rendered below: Her: "Can we talk? Me: "Do you want to talk or do you need me to listen?" Her: "Umm...." Me: "Please answer the question, hon. I need to know so I can proceed correctly. I can't 'just know;' I need for you to make it clear." Her: "Okay...I need you to hear what I have to say." Me: "Thank you for clarifying. I'm here and I'm listening." Her: Me: Okay. I've heard you and I get it. But just to be sure; was I here to be an sympathetic ear or to help you solve the problem?" (Answer #1) Her: "Thanks for listening hon...I feel better now." Me: "Love you too. It'll be okay." (Answer #2) Her: "Can you help?" Me: I'm on it. Love you. Her: "Love you too...." As long as you let them know that you still give a damn, you can easily work within this framework.
@Ghost-jk3oi3 ай бұрын
The best response in this whole comment section. You've restored some of my faith in humanity lol
@jimmy_x5576 ай бұрын
I learned the fastest way to peace was to hold my tongue, if I disagree - I pretend I care/understand her feelings, and then if possible, do my own thing anyway.
@julianray5 ай бұрын
I've seen this a zillion times and it's still more true than ever. You... nailed it, Jason!
@alphadog33843 жыл бұрын
Really good representation of what BPD feels like. The triggers, communication.
@bobcompton72939 жыл бұрын
OMG, I sent this to my ex. She always said" what happened", we were so happy. WOW.
@FokkeWulfe5 ай бұрын
Yeeeeap. I'm saving this link. I'm sending it to my wife, and my mother.
@Logan-cw9yr5 ай бұрын
Best advice ive ever gotten on this is that men and women process stress in almost opposite ways. For men we process it externally. We find something external that is causing us stress and correct it to get rid of the stress. Women process stress internally. She will appreciate your help in getting rid of the extetnal stressor, but only after she had sorted through the internal feelings of stress that it is causing and gotten back to a place emotionally where she is ready to confront the actual issue. This is why in moments like these both parties feel frustrated. The woman will systematically explain every aspect of whats stressing her out while the man internally screams "JUST SOLVE THE PROBLEM" and then feels ignored or like her stress is being minimized because there is an "easy solution". Conversely, women watch men quickly correct their stressors and then struggle with the emotional aftermath for much longer than she would and wonder why he doesnt decompress the way she does when she has a problem. Its honestly pretty funny how much our programming seems to PREVENT the opposite sexes from coexisting, but love is a powerful thing 😊
@LaurieWilliams-lk8fc4 күн бұрын
And what happens if a woman is in a situation which needs urgent action and is delaying implementing a necessary and obvious solution? Too late, opportunity lost, irreversible damage done, but the woman had her feelings time.
@inkermoy2 жыл бұрын
I was looking up what other work Monica Barbaro has been in because of Top Gun Maverick, and pleasantly surprised that she was The Nail Girl in this short I saw years ago! Classic! She's come a long way!
@TrevonAdams-wc1zn Жыл бұрын
Mr. "Headley" - You sir hit the nail on the head with this communication gem!!!
@psygnale2 ай бұрын
So >this< is what Rollo was talking about! LOL.
@Rangerthelonewolf5 ай бұрын
This is amazingly perfect. Showing how men and woman think differently. Yet having to know when to just let it be vs her really wanting advice. I’m in tears 😂
@joshuaboston71148 жыл бұрын
buddy at work told me I needed to see this after I told him about some shit my lady is dealing with. Nailed it.
@MeantToBeLindseyB5 жыл бұрын
This is literally one of my favorite videos ever. I always share this with friends who have never seen it.
@dotconnector1746 Жыл бұрын
Anyone else who needed THIS level of clarity??? 🤭😜
@user-ix6vv8lo5j2 ай бұрын
i was married for 15 years, this is absolutely spot on. women are so stubborn it is unreal
@skukipeeshaun52322 жыл бұрын
Just watched this while attending a Tony Robbins' seminar. This is such a powerful message on communication for couples. Both men and women have something to learn here 💯💯💯
@shelberz12 жыл бұрын
Love it!! -My sister showed this to me and her life partner and we all had different take aways. So symbolic of our challenges as a society.
@user-rg8sj3su9m Жыл бұрын
uhtutuh, you mean as women. Imagine if we did the same
@ot2323410 ай бұрын
More like our challenges as men to put up with women's foolishness.
@LEFT4BASS6 ай бұрын
I mean, I can only see a couple different takeaways. First is that you should listen to loved ones who are trying to help you. Second is that you can’t help someone who won’t accept their problem
@Volkbrecht5 ай бұрын
@@LEFT4BASS Third one: don't try to fix them while they are whining. This is the classic male/female communication problem. Men only take their problems to another man when they assume that that person can help them fix it. Women take all their problems to their female friends/sisters/mothers to share them for emotional validation. So when women go into their classical "validate me" rants, the result is miscommunication. As a dude, instead of trying to fix her, just nod and say uh-huh.
@zeke12205 ай бұрын
@@Volkbrecht Nobody is entitled to my emotional labor. If she doesn't want help, I don't want to hear about it.
@therainenetwork35103 ай бұрын
Some people want to complain about a problem more than they want to solve the problem