"In the end, what will hurt the most is not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends"

This video is from 2013, it's so sad that we are in 2021 and we are having the SAME problems.

This is so important. Some years ago I became aware of my own misogyny and began the process of unlearning it. And over the years since I’ve challenged my male friends and family members when they’ve said or supported sexist comments or ideas and at first it was uncomfortable for them, but over time I think they began to really appreciate it and our conversations have really matured and so have our friendships.

I love how he is so passionate, he is out of breath. I GET I DUDE AND THANK YOU FOR THIS!!!!

I honestly dont get why this video has so many dislikes. Everything he said makes perfect sense.

"If you remain neutrality in the face of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor."

WARNING: So many anti-female woman-hater comments in the thread. Do not read the thread of comments. JACKSON KATZ, thank you for being a REAL MAN. May God Bless You and Your Family. And, thank you to all those out there who UNDERSTAND what Katz is talking about, and apply it in their own lives and community experience. Blessings, Peace & Love.

After I saw this vid (as a man) I was really baffled by the fact that it got so many thumbs down .... I don't get why

Hello just here in 2021 to say how on earth have 20% of people voted this down? I mean I think I know the answer but still...

Women often get blamed for sexual violence towards them which fuels the idea that it’s not men’s issue. This is age old problem. It’s narcissistic abuse, like a nail in the coffin. It’s time for men to acknowledge their responsibility. I’m a CSA and SA survivor myself. I’ve never dated one man who did not become violent in some way or another and I was blamed for it. “No” has to be taken as a final answer. Blaming your victim doesn’t free you from your responsibility and actions.

I don't really understand why this video has so few views because it was published more than six years ago!!! This words are so obvious and essential for us in modern society. I get so scared when I realize that almost nothing has changed in the issues of violence since then, especially in countries other than Europe and America

I’m here because of Sarah Everard.

Its not a women or mens issue, its a Human Issue. We are creating a problem by separating ourselves into groups. Men and women need each other, hence this so called issue is not either man or woman but a human problem.

I should know by now to never read the comments......

So I spent 8 years active duty Navy and repeated this Bystandard Intervention training annually and I never knew who came up with it. Now I am a full-time student at Loyola University New Orleans and I came across this video as a part of our material and I'm like hey... I know what he is talking about. It is a great model and I think if somehow this training could hit the whole nation's population it would at least bring numbers down. I think right now, year 2020 would be a good time to somehow boost this video or do another one to bring it into the light. The country is very receptive right now and TED talks have become more and more popular. This material deserves more than 260k views.

This needs to be boosted. This is very important message

I really shouldn't read the comments.

I absolutely love this! Jackson Katz nails it. Violence is a male issue. Focus should be shifted. We need to redefine what it means to be a "man" or maleness. I wish we could clone this man.

Real men don't abuse anyone. Real men can be neither predator nor prey.

I'm disappointed by the number of dislikes. This is an excellent and perfectly reasonable talk, but perhaps some viewers are threatened by its accuracy.

I find a honest man filled with truth and integrity to be the sexiest of them all. I bet his wife is very happy with him. ;) Beautifully said Jackson.

He is a revolutionary that has a message I will carry on for the betterment of our humanity. His message is a balanced recognition of everyone to achieve truly civilized actualization. Sadly, it looks like some of the women in this comment section are defending the male privilege because they may be as much of the issue as the men. The dominance and power of the dominant group must listen and watch more often. Our time is not the era of barbarism anymore. We have the technology to enhance our lives, and ultimately, society!

"In a sense, isn't your silence a form of consent and complicity?" Wow, that was powerful.

Shouldn't he just say men committing violence rather than specifically against women? In all honesty men are the cause of the majority of violence in the world. Against women and men... mostly men. The domestic violence in our society is probably mostly against women but the rest of the violence, gang violence and fights in the streets and bars, is male on male. 90% of our prison populations are men. Men are filling up our prisons at an alarming rate all due to their incredible violence (I'm not talking about bullshit drug charges). Why are we failing our men so badly? Why are we raising such violent beasts that die so young and go to jail so often. There really is a problem in our society with men being violent, but this kind of divisive talk doesn't really get at that problem, it makes it a feminist issue (although he does say a men's issue) by making it about gender violence when the problem with men isn't that they hit women too often... it's that they hit people too often.

I was raped very recently.. I didn't really know the guy, but I did get a first name and a phone number.. This traumatic experience hasn't stopped messing with my head.. is there anyway to be able to block it out of one's mind easier? and if so can you let me know

Don't worry you are not at all. At my University I know a vastly diverse group of men ranging from athletes, artists, to scientists who agree with this and constantly strive to be strong male role models. Don't give up, keep pushing for this cause.

I think I'm getting the hang of this: "Mary took the kids and the house from John. John lost the kids and house to Mary. John lost the kids and house. John lost. John is a loser." Oh.... I can totally see the potential in this linguistic circle jerk.

I absolutely LOVE this guy! I try to live my life by that 'bystander' model. It IS necessary to call people on their bullshit, whether it's sexism, racism, any form of hate speech.

I have been binge watching male feminists and similar talking heads and this man seems so genuine and real. You can tell he actually cares about this.

Attending a Domestic Abuse Advocacy course and I’m the only male there. Only sharing because, whatever puts men off, it’s so worthwhile learning how to help someone who may need support.

It is called a "women's issue" only when it is a campaign to end "VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN". If we start talking about, "Let's end Domestic Violence!", then we can start talking about it being an issue for all of us. Segregation in language abuses people. He even cites this himself.

all the videos of women discussing these issues, unless from an anti-feminist point of view, have so many more negative comments and dislikes. the fact that this time its a man speaking and the response is so different, says something about us as a society. About how we don't take women seriously, and how offended men get when a women tells them the truth, but will only ever listen if its another man saying the same thing. i see this time and time again.

Warren Farrell (Myth of Male Power) has been has been shouted down several times by women's groups. I think he presents a fair look at many negative issues men face and how these issues may promote male violence. We raise our daughters differently than our sons. We don't teach our daughters to defend themselves against violence, while teaching (dehumanizing) our sons to be violent. Why?

This is an awesome and insightful speech. Pretty disappointed in the comments though :\

"One of the many ways dominant systems maintain and reproduce themselves, which is to say that dominant group is rarely challenged and made to look at its dominance because that is one of the key characteristics of power and privilege". And then he excludes women from the abuser role... Do feminists simply not understand the astounding hypocrisy in their word? How so often they defeat their own points if you merely apply one of their points to another? *Facepalm* Wearing a suit doesn't make you any less of a clown.

Thank you very much. Our society relies on people like these to perpetuate the snowball effect of building up a better world. This idea then spread to friends, fathers and sons, and one day we will see less sex abuse, less pornography, less prostitution and also less dumb KZfaq comments of people that don't agree with this TED Talk.

This guy starts out trying to separate gendered violence from violence against women. He then proceeds to conflate the terms he was trying to separate. Let's use the language game: Mary beat John. John was beaten by Mary. John was beaten. John was battered. John is a battered man. Mary beat Jane. Jane was beaten by Mary. Jane was beaten. Jane was battered. Jane is a battered woman. Most people who read the last sentence about Mary from the video and John/Jane in the examples I used would assume that all were beaten by a man? Why? Because people like this muddy the waters with the language they use. Another example: ISIS killed nine men and one woman. Nine men and one woman were killed by ISIS. Nine men and one woman were killed. Ten people were killed; one of which was a woman. Women are being killed. The message is still: men are bad and are the victims of mens abuse. Violence is violence no matter who does what to whom. Take the gendered aspect out of the dialogue.

The comment section totally proves his point.

This is why I'll never apologize or be ashamed for being a straight dude.

In every situation a man abuses a woman he is in the wrong and the sole cause of the event. However the problem is calling out or critiquing anything about the woman's behavior or actions as 'victim blaming' is not preventing these events as much as it might be more politically correct. I would tell the woman in my life not to walk down a sketchy ally at 4am dressed overly provocatively because that could actually save them in the short term. Yes I hope one day we can live in a world where that is no longer an issue but until then that 'victim blaming rhetoric' as unPC as it may be is potently saving lives and woman from being abused. Yes the conversation needs to be brought closer to the mind of the general population ofcourse but until then I won't be afraid of the political correctness.

What an absolutely flawless talk. He put forward some ideas I had never considered... Thanks a lot! This was really educational.

he is right, I am with you on that

My Father always walked away or corrected men, even as a soldier in WW11. My Mother also a soldier WW11, faught for women's rights.

Thank you for your leadership, Jackson Katz. This is the message!! Creating a "currency" where respect rises above denigration...for all. Would like to see your presentation at a major TED talk with a significant male audience. Namaste' Katrina Wynne

This Talk was made 10 years ago, which I give thumbs up. Could we have an update, please?

Thanks a lot man, it made me emotional. Felt like a man is speaking up for me against the men who abused me!!

That gets tiring for me to hear as well. Especially with all the time and energy i invest, as a male role model in my community, working towards ending domestic violence. But just think, who is more likely to put an end to at least the men's side of domestic violence (which is the most frequently occurring). Us, we as men, and that's why I stand up for this and take action towards reducing violence. I don't spend my time whining that male's are victimized in a feminist society (not to say u do).

when i lose faith in men completely, i come back to this video for hope. Its SAD how unfamiliar those questions are, asking why men do this, why men hurt children, why aren't more people asking that?? family annihilation has been on the rise for years and no one is talking about it, why is no one talking about it? Why are we talking about TikTok bans in Congress but not the violence against women? The violence stemming directly from men.

I love this video I love the message and I love Jackson Katz This is a societal issue that men haven't been and need to start being a huge part of

I feel like most people didn't even watch the full video before spewing their anti-feminist filth.

I do not think he was suggesting that there are no violent women.I am an ER nurse and i have seen men who have been abused / beaten up by a woman.The fact that the focus of his talk was on the male role models and leaders that are needed to help curb the violence does not suggest there is not violence on both sides.you are so correct Raymond, the verbal bashing needs to also be looked at seriously. These things being said the majority of victims of violence in my beds were attacked by males.

The problem with this is that men who don't engage in domestic violence or sexual abuse cannot relate to the problem, it is abhorrent to them. Men who do engage in either, are probably on denial about the issue or it is somehow justified in their mind.

His speech is excellent. We can stop the gender violence if both the males and females integrate into this notion. We should work together to put an end to gender violence.

Can not even watch this because just as many women beat men

He's talking about a social problem in this country from a broader point if view. Changes are made by a collection of people, just like positive changes this country has made in the past...from a broader perspective. He's right. Domestic violence and violence against children is out of controller. I agree with him, you can't change anything if people keep looking the other way. Change can start at the dinner table, or over drinks, or a conversation among peers but it needs to start somewhere.

I really wish a lot of people who have commented on this video took the time to watch and consider this entire video before they commented. I think a lot of concerns and complaints in the comments were addressed by Dr. Katz. His commentary was really about creating a non violent more empowering world for everyone, INCLUDING men since men are most often the victims of other men's violence.

We men need to acknowledge that there are certain problems which are primarily our fault even if we are not directly responsible for them. The first step in understanding stuff like this is to acknowledge our privilege.

We’re raising a 10 year old and this is refreshing. We’ve taught our son it’s okay to stand alone when standing for something he believes in. So far, he’s made some good stands. Thanks to your teachings we can show him your videos so he sees this is the proper direction of young men and not just because Mom and Dad say so.

Very good and insightful speech.

great, great, great talk. thank you. especially loved the mention "i know there's more than men and women, there's more than male and female".

If you find it necessary to judge me, please judge me as an individual.

Anyone who claims that Jackson Katz has just disregarded the fact that men also face abuse should go watch "The Mask You Live In." Katz acknowledges that men are victims too, but this conversation is about violence against women. This is an important conversation, and anyone who disagrees because men are victims too, are part of the problem.

In short, bystanders(especially powerful adult men) should stop encouraging/being silent to the men who resort to violence.

Thank you so much 💚💚 for standing up and talking about this important topic !

This guy gets it. Thank you.

Every adult should watch this video on a regular basis.

My ex-wife punched me hard in the ribs. I never hit her, even once.

He seems to be focused only on men hurting women but not the other way around. Women can sexually assault men. I knew a guy who saw a car who looked like his abusers and he started feeeking out and i had to calm him down. Also he started taking my car around town so she would not randomly hop into his car when she saw it. Luckily for him she moved away. The freak out mentioned at the beginning was after months of her being away he heard that she had come back to visit some people and he thought he saw her car. Also lucky is that during the time she was inappropriate with him he only saw her when playing Pokemon go (pogo) and she didn't know where he lived or anything but most of his friends that still lived in town where pogo players so he could not avoid her. Before anyone realize that he didn't like it they saw her grind on him while he was standing agenst a wall outside. This was at night.

It's clear that there's a lot of missing posts here. Where's the comments from the people who clicked Thumbs down? (It's the reason people believe false feminists points. They re'write history/reality)

so beautiful and poignant. everyone should see this. this should be a required video in our schools curriculum

Am I the only feminist lesbian who isnt an angry person or a man-hater. And also am I the only one who sees men being battered by women (or men) as a seriously disturbingly under reported issue???

Really? Funny because I remember that Domestic Violence for Women on men is pretty high too, Thou I guess blah blah blah not real women blah blah. Remind me where women go if they are abused? A shelter? Oh and when men? hahaha he probably somehow deserved it, she is the real victim because she is a woman, and he is a man. Even if women do get arrested for domestic abuse it's likely they will be released the next day, or at worst 2 months in the county jail, so yeah masculinity is the total problem with todays society. And all this strong powerful womenz hear me roar crap or a victims complex isn't somehow related.

Bravo. This is a talk that needs to be heard and to be thoroughly understood.

If I could like this a billion times, you bet your butt I would.

*Oh wow! I started NOT liking how this man spoke-aggressive, too macho, like an overzealous salesman, which of course is a UNIVERSALLY DESPISED kind of "human" being.* *By the midpoint, I realized HE and I HAVE the EXACT SAME PERSPECTIVE about the ENTIRE topic of MEN!* *Now, I don't feel so alone in my mission here in my poor, backwater and not-so-civilized country.* 😐 - Sharing this in schools!

"Males are more likely to [...] use a weapon." In gender/domestic violence? This goes against most statistics I've read. Can you point to a proper source? Or did you mean general violence? Because if so, and given that most armed conflicts are carried out by male armies/militias, there's no way that statistic would be relevant to the topic at hand.

I am here because of Marina 🦋

I was a victim of sexual harassment and discrimination due to my racial color and gender in high school. I had to deal with that burden all through high school and it was not easy because I felt like my best friends were acting like devils, but high school is a place to meet new people and not a place to create hell. Domestic violence against women and men has to stop in our society, especially men acting violence towards young men like the Penn State University example.

Not exclusively a men's issue but men have a role to play of course. His idea that males need to promote healthy attitudes towards respecting women is mostly already practiced, at least from my experience. Most men would agree that violence against women is wrong and growing up we were taught that's it's never OK to hit a woman. Men who are violent towards their partners typically hide their behavior from others around them. If a women is in a violent relationship she may be the only person who can act to change that situation whether that be reporting it to the police or leaving the relationship, that is why it's seen to be a women's issue, because it effects women directly. This is even more exaggerated in reverse as violence against men is generally not even seen as a men's issue but as an issue only for the male victims and is largely ignored. So, while I agree with most of what Jackson says, I don't agree with him labeling it as a men's issue. Non violent men can be advocates but are not to blame for the actions of violent men. This is a societal issue, we raise boys to be tough and often teach them indirectly that success is achieved by physical or mental dominance. Mothers are just as responsible for instilling these ideas in boys as their fathers. For the most part this is balanced with teaching respect and good values, but for some it is not balanced, usually because the parents do not have these values and may even be perpetrators of violence themselves. You can't paint domestic violence with a black and white brush, it's just too complex for that.

I agree 100%, and also very well argued indeed.

well this snowflake speech has aged nicely 😂😂😂

He directly addresses people like you at 7:22.

I was a criminal defense lawyer for a quarter of a century, and, in my experience in both urban and rural areas, the overwhelming majority of perpetrators of violence and sexual abuse were men. I'm talking over 90% of my caseload. I don't have the statistics on prison populations in front of me, but they prove the same point. There are vastly more male than female violent offenders serving time. This speaker is talking about a culture of male violence that is real and needs to be changed.

Life tip: the comments are full of ignorant people, don't read them

16:53 kind of hard to do for dads to parent their children when they are being alienated from them. It's kind of hard to do for a man to stand up against bully and put them in his place when that bully is protected behind a badge or in a robe or in a suit. These are pretty words but the reality is something different. Yes this is a man issue to a point, but on a whole it's a societal issue

I personally don't know much about linguistics so I'll leave your comment as is but this talk was definitely TED-worthy. Admittedly, this could have been a better 'talk' however that does not dimness its importance in helping to bring this problem to light. TED Talks- "Ideas worth spreading" and the toast is only just being buttered my friend

I respect this guy for speaking out as a guy. The courage it would have taken to do this would have been huge- we need to empower not just women, but everyone on this planet, so that everyone can speak out against things that are wrong in society.

But why are we ignoring the fact that MEN are abused by WOMEN at equal rates?

When he first mentioned how it was a leadership issue, where men have to learn techniques to be able to talk out about this stuff without it being socially unacceptable... really hit a note. I tend to get tired (and feel super preachy) trying to educate my friends about this stuff, it's too much work to change literally everyone around you when you grow up in these social circles, so i opted to just let most of my old friendships fizzle out. But these ppl are just someone else's problem now :-/

In the past I have spoken up and many friends have changed their attitudes and ways and this is heartening. Sometimes though, as with many people commenting here it is hopeless It's great that you do that though, I wish more people had the strength to confront their friends or step in when they felt something was wrong.

Jackson Katz is a highly accomplished and practiced speaker, so it is puzzling to me as well. My guess is that many people don't agree that to help solve this issue we need to address the problem of how men are brought up and how men act towards women in our society today. i agree with him because I strongly feel that if more individuals (male, female, other) are active bystanders in their communities and don't tolerate violence towards others, we wouldnt be facing such a crisis.

Wow wait, slow down, that was revelational. And it's only been the first 2 minutes. WATCH THIS NOW.

It's not just women who get sexually abused or deal with domestic violence. Men can also be domestically abused by women or by their partner.

I am so very impressed that i just love the Truth that finally a man can stand up and speak so that Finally other men will listen.thanks you stand With women not against them. Oh please move to my city in Canada and speak.

Actually the guy does point out that violence occurs the other way as well. This talk focuses on just one area of violence. Anyone with half a brain knows any adults can be violent towards another adult.

What a great man! Thank you for choosing to talk. The world needed that

Thank you for continuing the conversation I need the practice. A schema describes an organized pattern of thought and/or behavior. And language patterns drive our patterns of thought and behavior. It is quite well accepted that everything we do has the most often subconscious intention of meeting our needs behind it. not just in some cases in 100% of cases. And yes it is a static language that describes what people are and the idea of retributive justice that creates our violence.

This guy is a verbal virtuoso! I liked the part where he said that he was not doing the sensibility training with the marines but he was doing the leadership training. This is how I am going to call it when I will be lecturing my kids. :) But I think my kids will see right though this.

He said that what we should put into practice is holding leaders accountable for remarks which glorify violence, like we have come to hold leaders accountable who make antisemitic remarks, and that we should also do this in our peer groups. I think that's pretty practical.

Awesome message!!! one that needs to be herd