I Helped a Writer Fix His First Chapter

Рет қаралды 19,293

Күн бұрын

Today, I'm helping a new writer edit the first chapter of his fantasy novel.
Want me to coach you? Apply for my Fantasy Outlining Bootcamp: jedherne.com/outline
⏲️ TIMESTAMPS:
00:00 - Introduction
01:05 - Ethan's goals for the call
01:49 - Correct manuscript formatting
02:57 - The opening sentence
03:23 - Character backstory
03:41 - Ground us within the setting
04:56 - How can substances impact the magic
05:37 - Scene transitions
06:36 - Dialogue formatting
07:41 - Paragraph spacing
11:40 - Action beats with dialogue
12:33 - Speaking names in dialogue
13:24 - Understanding punctuation
16:04 - Fix foreshadowing later in the edit
16:48 - How to describe coughing
19:24 - The importance of intention
20:06 - The Emotion Thesaurus
23:02 - Back to expressing coughing in dialogue
24:21 - Lean into the apprentice trope
25:59 - Formatting interjections
26:32 - An industrialising fantasy world
29:55 - Writing accents
31:29 - Creating a culture inspired by leafcutter ants
32:52 - An easy worldbuilding win
34:09 - Be cautious about this
34:47 - Learning from The Name of the Wind
36:03 - Writing songs
36:38 - Where the chapter becomes interesting
38:22 - Shortening the chapter
40:11 - Conveying the magic system
43:13 - Dealing with a tone change
47:12 - Picking the right character for exposition
48:16 - Establishing promises
48:41 - Series or standalone?
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🧑 ABOUT ME:
Hi! My name's Jed. I'm a fantasy author with three published novels and a bestselling video game. On this channel, I draw from my 10+ years of writing experience to help you become a better writer.
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Пікірлер: 124

@m.j.johnsonbooks7856 8 ай бұрын

I love the inspiration Ethan is taking from history and nature. Sounds to me like he’s got some great instincts for writing. I hope I get to read his stories someday.

@Iso20227 8 ай бұрын

I know right. I’m trying to do the same thing, but he’s done it better.

@sladewilson9718 8 ай бұрын

His constant, but not forced, use of the word heart in the beginning is very well done. It’s not unnatural to talk about people’s hearts racing or slowing in a story, but it’s obvs alluding to a greater meaning to be revealed later here. It’s very Virgil Aeneid like👍🏽

@xdawnxangelx 4 ай бұрын

right, I want to line up some historian podcasts to listen to myself - no particular topic, but what if you were listening to something that REALLY HAPPENED and then had a sudden amazing idea to weave into your own story?

@ApolloBSG 8 ай бұрын

Only 15 minutes in, yet it is already very enlightening. I know Jed is early in his career, but he does have some great advice. He isnt mere hours into this. It takes thousands of hours to write his back catalogue- there is gold in them hills.

@poisonshift78 8 ай бұрын

Sneaks in the old Pokemon joke. "Coughing. Weezing." 😅

@Jed_Herne 8 ай бұрын

Wow I totally missed that haha

@FabbeNJ369 8 ай бұрын

Watching your videos always make me motivated to write more, thank you for great videos

@Jed_Herne 8 ай бұрын

You are so welcome!

@ArtbyMSB 5 ай бұрын

This is very cool, I like how you help others and share it here with us. Thanks, Jed!

@TheMemeMachineMatt 8 ай бұрын

Hi Jed, just found your channel recently, watching through a lot of your stuff. Has been very helpful so far. Awesome to see another Aussie (Brisbane) quitting his job to be a full time author. Gives me hope.

@user-tm6ui1os4h 5 ай бұрын

This video was SUPER helpful to me, to see how the back and forth would work and the tips I picked up along the way. Is there any more of these types of videos? Really valuable, thanks!

@ethandowler4669 8 ай бұрын

Absolutely fantastic content. Thank you, Jed! This kind of thing is so helpful for me. I've done a lot of research on the principles of editing, but I haven't seen a lot of practical examples. Hearing your thought process is awesome.

@Jed_Herne 8 ай бұрын

Glad it was helpful!

@ReeceG231 8 ай бұрын

Damn dude you dropped some gems in here. Thanks for the video! Super helpful!

@Jed_Herne 8 ай бұрын

You're welcome!

@bluebeastgamer7494 8 ай бұрын

Ethan looks like a nice and kind guy not only that he's also giving me friendly vibes.

@MatthewChanWrites 8 ай бұрын

Hi Jed, hello from a fellow Aussie! (Melbourne) thanks for putting out this video, I found your process very interesting! Been following and really liking your stuff! Especially because I love fantasy! Cheers!

@Jed_Herne 8 ай бұрын

You're welcome! Glad you enjoyed it

@MelodyBassett 4 ай бұрын

Thank you both for sharing this. I'm in a similar place to Ethan with my first draft and often having someone to bounce ideas off is all you need to get the creative juices flowing. Please consider doing more of these types of videos. :)

@heher5270 Ай бұрын

I Hope you finish your novel someday and I get to read it. :)

@akhilchauhan689 3 ай бұрын

Your channel rlly motivates me to get on my manuscript and just improve it. I feel like that's what writing is about; you're not always gonna be putting down 1k words a day, but you must always have your manuscript tab open, itching to enhance the narrative you're crafting. That's where true literary growth comes from- the moments where you want to feel hype, reading your work, but instead cringe at how much better it could be. It's a pretentious joy that ignores the work going into generation, but it's a great joy nonetheless.

@narnia1233 11 күн бұрын

I was editing an indie video game for a team of writers-all of us just volunteers and non-professionals-and honestly this makes me feel really good about myself. Because I was doing very similar editing. And this was my first time ever being an editor. I did really well in English in high school and college-but it wasn’t my focus because I went into healthcare as an X-Ray Tech. But the writers were so upset at me for my in-depth editing like this that they kicked me off the team. Sorry right now I’m in mourning a bit. I know the writers and everyone think probably nothing of discarding me like garbage despite hours and hours of work, but I am a human and it definitely hurt.

@jimmccleery9394 8 ай бұрын

This is awesome great coaching advice!!! Love it 🖊️ 📄 📝

@sethlowen2303 8 ай бұрын

It’s so great to see aspiring authors get the help they need. Do you have any videos, or plan to make any, on marketing/advertising your work? I just got my first novel published through a smaller company and I’ve been looking into ways to share my work with as many people as I can. Any advice would be really helpful.

@lavmakinprogress5491 8 ай бұрын

Ethans pretty cool

@Mikeykneeled 7 ай бұрын

Having to teach bro about basic punctuation gave me lots of confidence in my own abilities

@realmofRelnaria 8 ай бұрын

Damn that is a cool story

@xdawnxangelx 4 ай бұрын

I just want to be friends with Ethan. What a smart wholesome dude - willing to learn and adapt quickly. Let's all be like Ethan when we grow up. (I'm 32 lol)

@ourabouras 5 ай бұрын

Um actually, historically elves have been seen as small child-like beings, think Santa’s elves. Even Tolkiens elves were smaller than humans in the books. It wasn’t until the D&D era (last 40 years) that we’ve redesigned elves to be statuesque, fae beings.

@joshuam2212 8 ай бұрын

reading a line for the book they are editing the line rob remember is what they call AS YOU KNOW BOB telling the reader something by 2 people talking about something they both know just to make the point and also using rob's name is awkward not many people constantly use names unless they are calling out to get your attention

@user-eu4gl9yd8g 8 ай бұрын

So." Beat washing" feel like this should be an h word.. and then i thought of tuning.. that looks wrong but like you tune instruments so musical conotations but change t to h an add an e to evoke colour which is attached to emotions.. " Huenning". Or "Hearding".. using that both words sound the same.. heard or herd..one associted with sound the other with control..

@scloftin8861 8 ай бұрын

I have to admit, I write in block paragraphs, but I usually leave a double space between the paragraphs ... which is actually how block paragraphs work. and I know how to reformat into manuscript style before I share it with anyone.

@Docsfortune 3 ай бұрын

Another immersion aspect to consider at 25:00 is adjectives like juicy. That's a fairly modern use of the word, and it shouldn't be too difficult to figure out a fun and immersive synonym like scandalous or gripping.

@frogpaste 3 ай бұрын

I love this kind of interaction, and obviously Jed can't do something like this with everyone. Does anyone know of any resources where one could get this kind of in-person/virtual going through a story and giving feedback? Preferably a resource that doesn't cost thousands of dollars. 😅

@narnia1233 11 күн бұрын

Discord. I was an editor on an indie video game recently, unpaid. It has video meetings built in. Plus lots of creative projects are developed on there. You might be able to find editors on there.

@L_For_Literature 8 ай бұрын

I would be weary as it pertains to the whole notion of show don’t tell. It seems like you want everything to be shown. You should look for show and tell. You don’t need to go through every eye twinkle and motion they make. It’s okay to tell. Moreover, I’d be careful about making everything “easier” for the reader. If it’s a grammatical error or clunky sentence, sure. But I’ve seen so many writers dumb down their prose and lose their voice and style in the process… just my two cents. Other than that, great video Jed

@manuelgarcia-ve5vm 8 ай бұрын

do you edit in spanish? 'cause i have my own fantasy writings but is almost imposible to find an editor in my native language ... i could write in english but i chose not to do it

@mattygascoigne6961 8 ай бұрын

It will be very hard to find a Spanish editor. If you can translate it into English, it will save you a lot of trouble.

@Joyride37 8 ай бұрын

@@mattygascoigne6961 There are plenty of books published in Spanish, so they shouldn’t need to translate their works just to find an editor. However, they may need to search in hispanohablante spheres because the anglophone spheres are just going to prioritize English

@snowdolphvov4193 3 ай бұрын

Wait for gpt5

@linkow 8 ай бұрын

Oh, so you wrote the Siege of Trebulain? Nice. I wouldn't call it a videogame though.

@bgtyhnmju7 8 ай бұрын

Beat matching, beat leading (alliteration!) beat subversion, beat syncopation, beat channelling... so many options. Beat stealing ! Beat theft ! Beat flogging! Beat seduction ! Borrow, lend. Beat-setter, beat powerhouse, beat sprinter... Have fun writing your story dude :o)

@NewEndijs 8 ай бұрын

Hey Jed, I wanted to ask this. I really want to write my fantasy novel, but since english is not my primary language, I always lose motivation since I feel like my book will be riddled with mistakes even after I finish all the editing, I also don't know how to stylize the book for an english audience. Any advice?

@Atypical_Typo 8 ай бұрын

Hey, i'm exactly like you. I kinda know my way around English, but as a French native, I get many things wrong. Would also like some advice rather than me just "winging it." Aspiring writers like us do have that extra layer of difficulty😅

@Eurasian_ 8 ай бұрын

One thing I'd say is don't be afraid of making mistakes. It's not like when you're done writing, it's done and done. You can always proofread prior to publishing and even have other people help in said proofreading/beta reading. That being said, don't be afraid to find betas! Try finding a friend or colleague who's proficient in English and understands the current predicament. As an amateur writer who's getting started on AO3, beta readers are going to be your lifeline when it comes to checking mistakes. In fact, _avoid_ trying to publish works without another writer reading through and greenlighting it. That's the best stamp of quality possible for rising authors such as us. When it comes to "stylizing to an English audience", there's not really something that can be relied upon. You only need to do _your own style_ rather than just trying to find what style the audience could want. Most readers are understanding either way, and style ultimately doesn't matter as long as you can stick with it. You also have the option to write it in a language that you're more proficient at, that's always an option even if it may look like it'll drive away readers.

@NewEndijs 8 ай бұрын

@@Eurasian_ thanks for the advice man!

@ElijahStormblessed 8 ай бұрын

Hiring a copyeditor and proofreader is an important part of the publishing process for everybody, even native English speakers. Do your best, of course, but it's ultimately their job to polish your work until its grammar is best suited for your target audience; you don't, and shouldn't, need to do everything on your own!

@arnoldfossman1701 8 ай бұрын

Should an aspiring writer work on short stories until he has a bit of practice, or is a novel just fine? A bit of history for my question here. A number of years ago some people on AOL (that might give a clue on how long ago) some people in a reader's/writer's area suggested that I try writing a short story based on a profile that I had made for a purpose other than I was using that screen name for at the time. After I started I found that it took me in directions that I hadn't intended. Some of those directions included a possible novel and when trying to cover backstory for my protagonist a small series. While trying to write I wrote a couple of flash fiction stories that were totally unrelated and possibly not worth trying to get published. Then a couple of things happened in my life that caused me to not be able to work on any writing. Now I'm 69 years old and have the time and means to try again, but I'm wondering if I should try to work on the earlier larger works, or if I should work on short stories, possibly even flash fiction. Any advice here?

@IllickPlaster 8 ай бұрын

I'd say, throw yourself into a novel. It's actually a pretty different experience from writing short stories, mainly in terms of throughout cohesion of events, maintaining pace and theme, and holding the ropes together for a lot longer. That's one of the things you can better learn by doing.

@ArianeEvangelina 8 ай бұрын

Short stories, I feel, are the perfect starting point for less well-read authors. It's more of a way to hammer out basic grammar rules, writing style, and component balance than it is a way to warm yourself up for writing an actual novel.

@Jed_Herne 8 ай бұрын

If you want to write novels, start by writing novels. If you want to write short stories, write short stories. Just do the thing you want to be doing, and I find that has always helped me learn the fastest :)

@arnoldfossman1701 8 ай бұрын

@@Jed_Herne What if you have a novel or two in mind, but you have written a couple of short stories that might be good too?

@fightingprawn8918 8 ай бұрын

The best warm up for an exercise is the same exercise at a lower intensity

@eious791 8 ай бұрын

Hi can you help me with my first chapter???

@mentkansleyunitedstatesgov6364 2 ай бұрын

I find i think it was Stephen king who gave the advice "wake up early, go out for a walk for an hour or two and then write 2k words and then stop for the day then repeat i feel this is helpful

@trikebeatstrexnodiff 2 ай бұрын

bookmark 05:00

@SleepParty30 8 ай бұрын

I have a question. Is it really necessary to use end-of-line hyphenation when writing a book? Why not simply justify the text?

@Jed_Herne 8 ай бұрын

Justifying the text makes it harder to see mistakes, because it interfers with character spacing. For instance, if you accidentally have a triple space between words (like this), that might be harder to see if you use justification.

@Junior-FNC 8 ай бұрын

I am a teenager what do I do to do the submit my chapter 1 and chapter 2

@promeni9132 8 ай бұрын

Find beta readers!

@Junior-FNC 8 ай бұрын

How can I find beta readers @@promeni9132

@carimeslockdownedtree2654 8 ай бұрын

I agree with the beta reader comment! Find yourself a group of friends or writers online and get talking. A good beta reader will make your piece much more coherent! I use Discord, but there's bound to be more sites available for that. Good luck! :)

@EjDantes 8 ай бұрын

Good example of how to brainstorm and what things new authors do not think about when writing. One thing is that I don't agreed with is that he should spend a year on a 2nd draft. You will not be a better writer by editing 1 piece over and over. 80/20 rule applies and if you write another book, then you'd be able to edit or write a better version of the previous book. If he sits on the draft and write book 2, then goes over book 1 sure. Otherwise, write under a pen name first, get it to the best of your own current ability and then publish. Don't spend years on a single book.

@user-vl9vy6mp7l 2 ай бұрын

I want to cry I have suck a good story even a popular author of devil slave and some others showed intrest liked it but I suck at writing

@ZenofAI 2 ай бұрын

Ideas are a dime for a dozen. Execution and craft make the story. Spend time learning the craft, like you are by watching this video, but access other sources too and most of all PRACTICE. Writing is like playing a musical instrument. There are very few prodigies and even they practice to improve. Sanderson wrote like 13 novels before he got published. It was that practice that made him what he is.

@xandermedina2065 4 ай бұрын

The ines who control others heartbeats, call them drummers. Cuz they control the beat. Prolly not first to offer this idea, but here ya go

@AnotherDuck 7 ай бұрын

String tugger.

@virginiaweir-hj1rt 5 ай бұрын

I think Matt's comments urge towards the harsh. The trouble with the democratisation of writing is that many nowadays want to be published, like yesterday! It takes many thousands of hours to get yourself to the required standard. It's like the schoolboy who thinks he can become a doctor because he has a GCSE in general science. These people sign up for MAs in creative writing thinking that this will miraculously turn them into writers. You ask them what they've written and they will point to a few poems or a couple of short stories if that, as if they can buy their way towards becoming a writer. It's like the twenty stone fatty who thinks they can turn into a marathon runner in a fortnight, LOL.

@sorrynotsorry9044 7 ай бұрын

That’s odd I could tell Tepel was a older man when he was telling the stories and knew the accents and it also called him a man once or twice

@aix83 6 ай бұрын

So much time wasted with such low level feedback. 15 minutes on formatting, transition sentences, where to paragraph. These aren't advanced writing tips.

@xdawnxangelx 4 ай бұрын

I think it could have been mentioned more concisely & wasted less of Ethan's time, but it is definitely worth mentioning (and emphasized, not just mentioned in passing). It is easier to digest/edit your own material when it's easier to read.

@ZenofAI 2 ай бұрын

Where does it say "advanced writing tips?" What it does say is "helping a new writer write his first paragraph." And he went over exactly the things a new writer needs to know when starting out.

@izmatopia4347 8 ай бұрын

Rob is talking. It seems confusing bc you broke his perfectly fine formatting and separated Rob's dialogue across 3 different paragraphs when there was no need for it. Long paragraphs are ok, especially if the same dude is talking smh you confused this man for no reason other than your own aesthetic taste.

@ReeceG231 8 ай бұрын

This is terrible advice lmao. Jed I right and it's not just aesthetic. Dialogue is much more flowable when broken up a bit more especially if there are multiple people speaking. Locking dialogue into a giant wall of text along with narration is horrendously bad and amateur

@goneloko1368 7 ай бұрын

There's no such thing as perfectly fine, so there is that problem with your argument from the get-go. Jed is right on what the readers would do with that.

@matt_jude 8 ай бұрын

He has some good tips, but also a ton of bad ones. Guys like Jed are just grifters looking to capitalize on the dreams of amateur writers. There is only one sure fire way to become a good writer: read, write and live your life. Do these things everyday and you’ll be content with yourself as well as your writing. It’s really not that hard. I understand wanting to find a way to be published, but these writing gurus and “On Writing” books don’t actually progress you towards that goal. Sure, there are technical aspects to it that should be learned. However, this can be achieved through your reading diet and writing regimen. After you learn that, it all comes down to you and how comfortable you are with your own style. Don’t take advice from these silly videos and figure it out for yourself. Writing isn’t something you learn through courses. Good writing comes from the desire to write, not the desire to get published.

@TheRedHaze3 8 ай бұрын

Just reading and writing is not enough unless you're very talented. You need to actually think about your craft and analyse it. Writing reviews is probably a good way to get into that habit. Videos and books about writing are also a good way to get you thinking about writing - so long as you actually are thinking and not just uncritically absorbing everything being said.

@matt_jude 8 ай бұрын

@@TheRedHaze3 if that helps you get started, then sure. However, you’ll soon see your limitations if you rely too much on books and videos on writing. They’re quite literally telling you how you should write. There are major problems with this. Writing is an introspective exercise and good fiction comes from yourself, not from someone else’s instructions on how to write fiction. If you let someone else’s principles dictate your writing then it isn’t actually your writing. It’s what someone else wants your writing to be. Imagine the authors that wouldn’t exist if they subscribed to someone else’s writing: Faulkner, McCarthy, Woolf, Franzen, etc. I agree with your premise though. You should think about and analyze this stuff. Having someone else telling you it is not the answer, it’s quite literally the opposite. Great fiction comes from those who were able to come to their own conclusions. Figure it out for yourselves. Especially if you pay for this shit. Jed charges $2700 for his “Fiction Outlining” Program, $5000 for his special program. Whatever the fuck that means. I mean talk about grifting. Most of the shit you “learn” from videos like these you can figure out from reading great fiction on your own. Writing comes from dedication and passion to the craft, and that includes reading diligently.

@TheRedHaze3 8 ай бұрын

@@matt_jude Lots of people have trouble introspecting alone, which is why other people - in this case, YT videos and book - can be helpful. Again, I'm not suggesting that you just uncritically absorb what these people are saying, but they can be helpful if they get you thinking about what "show, don't tell" actually is and when you should apply it in your stories, for example.

@matt_jude 8 ай бұрын

@@TheRedHaze3 Like I said, it’s fine for starting off. You should read ‘Elements of Style’ if you’re trying to figure out how to start writing well. Perhaps read ‘Zen in the Art of Writing’ or King’s ‘On Writing’ for motivation. Funny enough, these books will tell you the exact same things. It’s hard to think critically about a YT video because there’s nothing more to it. Books are not equivocal to videos. By their very nature their spoon feeding you information rather than you gleaning these insights yourself. You’re supposed to have trouble figuring this stuff out, that’s the point. You can’t cheat your way to the end by a silly video. More than anything, because these videos are solution oriented and not thought provoking, they teach beginning writers bad writing tips. Reading books on writing is okay to start. You mention show don’t tell, funnily enough, YT videos are the violation to this. These videos tell you directly how you “should” write. Meaning you’re doomed as a writer before you even start if you rely on these. However, what makes this stuff unforgivable is when hack writing scumbags like Jed prey on the dreams of young writers and charge them THOUSANDS of dollars to “teach” them how to write. To be honest, you shouldn’t be squabbling with me, but reprimanding Jed for this channel. Which is one giant grift. He’s a self-published author passing on writing advice like he were an editor or best-selling novelist. Look at his books, their garbage. Which is why he has the backing of no major publishers.

@amankhadka9622 8 ай бұрын

@@matt_jude his VIDEOS are useful I have learned a lot from it but I think you are right by seeing the charge of the program and since I can't really buy the books you mentioned so alternative

@cheesekk239 6 ай бұрын

👎👎👎

@Luna.Raphael 8 ай бұрын

JK Rowling does not write good dialog, her writing is terrible

@beatriceonbooks 8 ай бұрын

Just perfect. I will apply for your coaching program when I hit 70000 words 🥹✨️

@JohnCena-um5uo 8 ай бұрын

Don't

@beatriceonbooks 8 ай бұрын

@@JohnCena-um5uo Let's hear your reasons

@Joyride37 8 ай бұрын

@@JohnCena-um5uowhy not?

@verigumetin4291 8 ай бұрын

Follow your gut instinct. If it tells you to apply to it , do it, and if its no good, well, you tried. Unlike many others, you will be able to say that at least.

@judoshrew 8 ай бұрын

@@beatriceonbooks$2750/$5250 is a scam for this stuff. Go join a writing community, use free resources. Its not that hard to go and look up the chicago manual of style. For paying options, you can get a full manuscript critique with developmental editing for much cheaper than this. I get people being upset that people being toxic in a positive space, but this has a lot of money involved in it.