"I can't believe you threw it at me!" I fell out of my chair.

I'm on Team Husband for this one - 'If I'm awake I'll carve the chicken' DOES NOT MEAN 'wake me up violently to carve the chicken'!

I’m watching this with my wife . She’s laughing so hard she just left the room . We can so relate to this .

He can tell that story for a 100 years and it will never get old!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

"If your wife said you said it, you said it" Had me laughing so hard! :D This comedian is absolutely brilliant, I love him so much, I always laugh a lot.

Really appreciate the clean comedy - very refreshing!

Jeff Allen is one of the best comedians there is. He “mind-paints” all of his marriage experiences to the point where his audience clearly relates to every detail.

Oh, wow! Thank God for my wife. She's an amazing lady! She goes out of her way to keep everyone quiet when I have a nap. She must be an angel. And I'm saying this after 23 years of marriage!

There must have been a carving class somewhere between the bedroom and kitchen🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

He makes me think of my marriage and it brings me to tears. Then I remember I am divorced and I can smile again.

Seriously paused the video to discuss with my husband whose side we should be on. His response, "I'm on whichever side Jesus is on." How do I agrue with that 🤷😄

"Apparently there was a chicken carving class...." lolololol

"When I got married, I didn't realize that the phrase 'are you watching that?' was rhetorical." Yup.

First time I've heard him. Hilarious! As someone whose been married for 20+ years, this is right on.

"Oh! You're awake." 😂😂😂😂😂

I ask my wife to take a nap with me, she said: "I don't take naps"!! .... and apparently neither do I, ..... anymore!

If someone woke me up in that way, we’d have a problem. If someone wakes me for something that trivial, we have a problem. If anyone expects coherent human interaction out of me within 30 minutes after waking up, it’s simply not happening... and we have a major problem. - A woman

Sleep loss has ended a few relationships for me. Sleep isn't negotiable for me. Especially when im hurting, sleep is an important part of recovering from arthritis flares.

Walked back into work with tears of laughter rolling down my face after watching this.

I’m dying laughing!!! Especially when he said his wife took a chicken carving class in between the bedroom and the kitchen

"Marriage is much more than just a word, it is a sentence" ... lmao this is one of those sayings which has such an immense amount of double-entendre truth... all I can do is shake my head laughing, while crying inside.

My husband is like Jeff's wife. He never lets go. As of today he still remembers things that I said 20 years ago.

Absolutely fantastic well done Jeff and no swearing 👍🏻

"When she's awake your awake" hahaha awww that's so messed up ....lmao 😂Let the man sleep lady hahaha

I believe in letting them sleep. A sleeping man or child is one less problem to deal with. Lol

I like Jeff Allen. My wife and I watched him on the "Apostles of Comedy" . All 4 guys were very funny. I love to make people laugh so I appreciate good clean comedians. God bless!

His wife is a frightening woman.

Never been married, not even been in relationships, single&solitary my entire life and apparently have little to regret

Chicken carving class. I laugh so hard at that one! Classic.

Damn this is so accurate it hurts a little

After watching about an hour of this clips, my God this man is whipped

How can you dislike this amazing show? He is hillarious!

I am so glad I am not alone in the universe when it comes to naps. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I loved when my husband took naps. I'd finally get some quiet peaceful time to myself to read or write.

When I'm in bed on time, and my wife gets in bed late, she doesn't mind waking me up for a cuddle (yes, cuddle). God forbid if it's the other way 'round. "I need my sleep!". To paraphrase Terry Pratchett: three happily married years. The other 17 weren't too bad either.

"If your wife said you said it, you said it" My wife: "Yup, he learned a thing or two."

My parents make me laugh when they disagree with my meat carving. They bring their electric carver which has a really short lead and my mum who is left handed shows him, right handed, struggling as she guides his hand to get the thin slices they like, with the thing close to the wall socket. Nothing like seeing your parents tied to the wall in a fight with a buzzing blade going in between their hands.

I’ve been married 3 months and this has already started lol fun to laugh at yourself

If you’re married you definitely get all the humour.

Heres another classic which I heard from my wife. "I'm not like other women. You will have all the freedom you need"

*I'm Team Sleep!* I hate waking sleeping people!!

I had a mouthful of water when said he was going to pause while the audience chose sides. I almost did a spit take and ruined my computer screen.

Lol. During meal time in our Bible study, after our pastor corrected my hubby when he said I didn't say something that I'd just said, my hubby disagreed with him. I 'gently' reminded him that he was arguing with our Pastor. Lol.

Ppl who want you to be awake if they're awake are the worst kinds of ppl.

My wife can recall something i said 5 years ago. "You said, 5 years ago, to this very minute 'In 5 years, if I dont have that Bronco fixed up, i'll get rid of it'" "Shit.."

My man works long hours, when I'm over and if he's napping, I let him sleep an hour or more cuz ik he needs it

Hope my husband has a great week. Now where did I put his car keys?🤔😂

And I thought only MY wife was like that.

I have the ability to laugh at myself. It's made my marriage hilarious at times. He's silly in his own way , anyway I'll do something stupid away from my husband and can't wait to tell him so we can both laugh. Laughter in marriage brings you closer.

The simple things, that's the start, just cuddle each other more, and skip the junk.

You have no one to blame but your self for getting married.

This guy makes me laugh so hard that I actually forget to breathe.

Sleep deprivation is a tactic of cruelty. Neither my husband nor I ever do that to each other no matter what. Even if one of us is sick the house stays dark and quiet. That’s what I called love!

It really happened to me! I was dead tired (working my @ss off to try and help her brother's debts), and she began vacuuming. I couldn't believe it. Luckily for me the relationship didn't end well. :)

Poor bloke, sounds like love to me

I need to hear both sides of this story before i make a ruling 😎

Have not laughed SO HARD in a VERY long time. THANK YOU!!!!

Couldn't get anything past the line on the chicken carving class between bedroom and kitchen. had to rewind almost half the video, after 10 minutes of hysterical laughter ...

He is so funny! We have fought over the dishes many times, now it's our son's job 🤣

Lmao the vacuuming part

I'm a woman, and I'm on your side. That was very unacceptable. People should be able to nap. And two, learn to carve it yourself. You're an adult. I have friends that have no regard to being quiet. Annoying.

My guy and I take naps every day and have since we were in our 30s. It is just *understood* each one of us gets a 2-3 hour nap every day and we take them at different times. I can't imagine one not letting the other have a nap, especially for energetic hyper or high-strung people, we need naps! We're both extreme extroverts, must charge the battery!

I've just discovered this comedian on DryBar Comedy. So now I watch alot of his clips. He is very funny Sidenote: I've heard this bit done by a different comedian on PG Comedy. I guess they "loan" their bits?

"Does this dress make my butt look big?" "No, you're butt makes your butt look big" (not the right answer)

Just remember your oaths say "until death do us part" but before then DOUBLE her life insurance policy coverage.

His wife sounds like my mum ... we weren't even allowed to take naps after age 10.

Darn this guy is clean and funny.

It's been a long time since I laughed this much!!! Thanks for the upload :)

Ha! It’s the other way around in my house. G*d help anyone who dares make a sound when my husband naps but if I need to rest for a few minutes, he’s banging and smashing something to prevent me.

OMG THIS WAS HILARIOUS!!! I needed this laugh

My ex made the mistake of waking me up with loud noises, and found out the hard way that it was the 1st and last time it would ever happen. I waited until she was asleep a few days later and came blasting into the bedroom banging pans together yelling, "wake up!" She flew out of the bed yelling, "what's wrong?" I said calmly, "nothing, but don't ever wake ME up with loud noises again." She was pissed, but never did it again. And no, I'm not sorry.😂

He must be married to my ex’s clone.

Every man has had this exact argument 1000 times

That sounds like my ex - wife. She told me she loved to cook. Turned out washing the dishes was toxic to her. She could make some Great cake's an cookies. And in the process dirty every dish in the house. I knew I was about to learn a whole new skill set when I heard her on the phone talking to her mother. And she says, How do you make mashed potato's ? I may not have ever been accused of having an over abundance of brains. But even I know you cook a steak an boil a potato. After our first year together I learned how to cook most anything I wanted. Strange thing she turned into the twice the woman I married, literally twice the size, and complained about every thing I cooked. At this time I was a fork lift mechanic. They had sent me to a place that processed chicken's. So I had to take the fork lift out side to work on it. It's close to 100% outside no shade. Some how these people had gotten peaces of chicken wrapped up in the wheels an steering. I spent most of the day pulling rotten chicken peace's of this lift. The smell was awful and I was covered in it, I almost threw up. I get home an she says to me look what I learned how to cook. There sat a big plate of fried chicken. Driving through KFC an picking up a bucket of chicken is Not the same thing as cooking it at home. No, I could not eat that, In fact it took me a few years before I would eat chicken. About the only time I got any peace is when she would go to sleep. So I let her sleep. She would let me sleep. When I got up she would use her jedi mind games on me. Like not talk to me an cry for week. It was exhausting trying to figure out what I did wrong. Only to hear from her say, I wanted to spend time with you an all you wanted to do is sleep. So I guess the guy is right in this video somehow it is always the man's fault.

God bless you Jeff Allen

hahahahaha that was awesome !!!! i cant believe how accurate his descriptions are ! i felt his pain ! LOL

ITS LIKE IF GOD HAD A SENSE OF HUMOR, HE PROJECTS IT THRU CHRISTIANS LIKE THIS. LOVE YA JEFF ALLEN. AND THANK YOU

This is way cuter than how We almost got divorced quite a few times over doing the dishes, him being the expert... until I stopped doing them altogether. We have now moved to a new place that has a dishwasher, thank God! :-D

Thank god ill never get married again, watching this just reminds me why Ill never do it.

omg this brings back so many memories. Funny beyond belief

My husband was a shift worker. I never would wish to wake him. I didn’t even wake him when both of our children were to be born.

omg he is HILARIOUS! absolute world class

It’s amazing the little things couples fight about.

My wife will jump on me, and then ask “Are you awake?” Me “no, I’m still sleeping.” Her “oh good, you are awake.”

Laughed so hard I couldn't breathe.

Sounds like my mom. You never wanted me taking a nap when I came home from school and I was always so tired

He is so hilarious !!

sooo true..i havent slept in 45 years and i have never won an arguement with a lady.. i grew up in a family of 25 great aunts and uncles and their daughters and their husbands wives... and children... and my sisters and brothers wives and all their daughters etc. i used to be in the plant nursery and florist business..owned 100 florists.. talk about lots of women.. then i was in the airlines.. 1000s of women.. and now orphanages in 50 countries .. ive been told what to do and think and eat and sleep for 50 years in a dozen languages ...ahahah doc johnny sicily and congo

"When she's awake your awake" Nobody followed that rule more then my grandmother. I challenge you all to tell me a more crazy example then what happend in my family. Me and my mother lived in the apartment under my grandmother and grandfather and one day my mother goes upstairs for something. She smells smoke, not uncommon since we did have fireplaces in the apartments. Except that this was during the summer. And one look at my grandmother who is alone in the livingroom looking cranky makes alarmbells ring. So following the smell of smoke she find the source. A small bonfire burning under my grandfathers bed where he was napping. A neatly stacked little bonfire she litteraly lit under his *ss cos he took a nap and she didnt like that! Yes, she said so herself!

Almost died laughing!!! Ahahahaha. Had a good laugh.

I got tears!!! I'm dying 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

HILARIOUS !

I LOVE Jeff Allen.

Again let me say to you all : job well done !!! My face is sore, my sides are hurting so from listening to these funny, funny people telling these stories and jokes!!! THANKS THANKS THANKS !!! (I am so glad to have found you with these talented people with such craziness happening these days) BjT from NC

Love him clean comedy

Hilarious, accurate & spot-on!

Hilarious!!! If your wife tells you that u said it then u said it lmao

That sounds like a horrifying sweeper! LOL!Jeff is soo funny!Iam rolling laughing! LOL!

Omg laughing so hard my sides hurt that was to funny 😆🤪🤣😂

My wife allows me to nap BUT starts some kind of story telling immediately which i should listen to... NOW I don’t want a nap😂