Don't hurt a woman who has never been loved by her own father

"Dear self, you did well,

made me fall asleep while crying at the same time :(

" I am proud of you, and I will always be. It doesn't matter when, or where you are, I will love you regardless of what you have become "

A person who loves hard,

I leave this note because i was like this sometimes and so someone can read this. Sometimes you dont know what path you take its either you want to be a kind person, a gentler person or you just want to take revenge to others that did bad things to you but i just realize i just have to focus on my self, i just have to be more mindful to handle the things mostly the things i cant control you just have to be you. You dont have to take revenge on people, you have to focus on yourself, you have to make a improvement. You have to enjoy your life you dont have enemies, you have rivals but at the end you both just want to be a better person.

"mereka mengira aku kecanduan game, padahal aku kesepian"

"terkadang waktu yang singkat memiliki kenangan yang hebat"

"ternyata begini rasanya, berjuang sendirian demi mempertahankan hubungan" :(

If you love him, then let him be happy with his choice :)

Ingin menyerah tapi harus kuat

Dear self, its been a long journey, i know your in a going through a tough obstacles in this pase of your life. I know you got no one to talk to, i know youre lost, i know you’re in so much pain. But things will get better soon, i cant promise you that you will achieve every single one of your dreams to come true, but i hope that despite of all of the things that youve been through, remember that your always the one, the only one that you could lean on to.

"Tubuhku...sehat ya...kuat ya...hingga masa kemoterapi selesai...tubuhku ku tau imune ku kuat...imune ku super...sehat yaaa....biarpun kita hanya berjuang sendirian krn dia yg kita harap mensupport mental kita tapi...😭tak peduli lagi...tapi ngga pa2...tubuhku...mentalku...kita kuat yaaa krn masih ada Allah ❤"

Just wanna cry until I can't anymore while listening to this.

Don’t hurt the one who doesn’t have the love of his family

this song unlocked a deep core memory of me and my grandmother before she passed away, now i've been playing this song whenever i miss my grandma and it's somehow comforting me everytime i listen to this.

I sit here and lament on my brother. My brother by bond instead of blood. He was kind, gentle, and loud. He was so intent on being himself, being unequivocally him, and I loved him so much for it. The world didn’t accept him and I always did. I loved him dearly, appreciated him, and did what I could to make sure he was always happy with me. I have made mistakes, I haven’t always been the greatest friend. But you’ve changed. Your heart is wrought with anger and malice. Your forgiveness and kindness gone, locked in a chamber of judgement. You were my brother, and now you’re a stranger. I’ll miss you, I cherished you so deeply. I realize that this sort of pain is a permanent cut. A gash that will scar a part of my body. But with it, I will achieve the dream I imagined I would someday share with you. I will succeed. I deserve to show you just what kind of person I truly am. I’m sorry you believe I am selfish and uncaring. One that is careless and lazy about anything that doesn’t include himself. I’m sorry you felt that way. I wish that we could’ve talked, but I was scared. I didn’t want to hurt you so I spared you my feelings. I locked away my gripes of how I felt, because I believed your wounds were never intentional. And now you’ve left me. Alone with your boyfriend. I wish I could’ve let you know that I always cared. I haven’t been the best at showing my affection, I’ve always hated myself for a long time. My inaction was never because I didn’t care about you, it was because I didn’t care about me. And, I guess it made it hard for me to care about you in a way. My self hatred made it hard for me to ever stand up for myself, and deep down I know you saw it. I had cracks in the arrogant armor I put up, with every quip and egotistical line it was only a way to live a fantasy. Well, I don’t know if I want to live in my head anymore. I think it’s time I become the person I’ve wanted to be. I’ve dreamt enough. Monty, I hope you have a prosperous life, I hope you’re happy with your boyfriend. I wouldn’t wish anything less than the best for you. I hope you succeed, and find what you seek. I hope you accept yourself and learn to work with people and let them in. You have such a kind heart, and you have too much faith in only your understanding of the world. It will destroy you if you only listen to certain people. Everyone in this world can teach you something, from the CEO of a company to a homeless man on the street. This world has many lessons to teach. The path to true wisdom comes from listening to all, not just those you believe are worthy of your time and respect. For almost everyone is deserving of respect. Nobody decides to be a bad person, and a little empathy can go a long way. I remember when you approached me about lying to the friend group not with anger or disappointment, but with understanding. And now, you can’t seem to understand me anymore. We grew into different environments, and I began to become more and more foreign. But you didn’t accept me. You decided to judge me, like how you judged people like me before. I’m not a selfish person by nature. I’m a very giving person, but I express my lack of freedom in less than moral ways. And it’s a problem I’ve become better with dealing with. But it isn’t because I care about myself, it’s because I just want to feel like everyone else. Like I have control over myself, like I have some semblance of power over my life. Well, either way, I’ll be going back to living. I will succeed, for me, and the brother I used to love. Rest easy Matanel, maybe someday we’ll reconvene and look back and laugh. Maybe we’ll return to how we once were, and our bond will be how it used to be. But for now, this is goodbye my brother. Wish me luck on this journey I’m embarking on

I really wanna ask advice from my past self how can i look forward my life again, see the world in colorful vision, wonders on the unknown places, laugh and crying with my friends and looking forward to go home. All of it feels so strange now😢

I really miss him😢. I hope we can talk like before. ImissU my love

I tried to apply some rain sound in the background, it was totally fantastic with the music!