There's no greater revenge on a man that steals your wife than to let him keep her

I went through this 4 years ago. To call it a kick in the guts is a vast understated. The one thing in the world I was certain I could rely on was my Wife's loyalty . I would have layed down my life without hesitation to protect her. I could have somehow coped if it was just sexual. But I asked her " Do you love him?" She replied " I think so." Then I asked her " Do you love me?" She replied " No." I'm now a 55 year old hermit. I don't know what the future holds for me. He dumped her a fortnight after she dumped me.

Psychopath ex actually gave me advice: "Use people. Take advantage of them. It is just a game. Not your fault if they are foolish and believe you". Stunning that there are people like that out there.

Affairs are heart breaking. I feel sorry for this guy and anyone who gets cheated on. It’s such a violation of marriage

If the betrayal tells their partner exactly what happened, exactly the same way in words and emotions as they tell their friends about the affair, almost no partner will ever take them back.

I actually found out about that terrible betrayal and as a parent of a little girl, it shattered my world and still does. Finding out that a person is capable of that really bothers me, especially when the narcissistic, psychopathic personality exists out there. It's tough to move forward and redefine myself. I hope that all betrayed people find peace and calm.

During my divorce from a narcissist I came across the quote "I'll always love the false image I had of you". Read that again and remember it. Loving the good memories of someone who betrayed you is not love.

I found out my wife was having an affair. Thankfully I didn't have kids. He was on his second marriage after cheating on his first and was now cheating on his second, whom he had akid with. I didn't tell her at all while I got myself a lawyer. I had to not say anything for two weeks while I found a lawyer and got the divorce papers ready. When she was finally served, it was such a relief for me. I was able to move on by finding a better higher paying job in a new state and bought my own house. I have picked up skiing and started making new friends. I was lucky to be able to restart my life and be in a good place again. I know many people don't have that kind of luxury. I hope everyone who deals with this is able to recover and be an even better person.

Thank you, Jordan. My wife crossed a line in the sand over a year ago and never said sorry it will never happen again, just it makes me happy, so what's the big deal. A lot of your videos have helped over the year, but this video, I mean, wow. I told her I wanted a divorce about 2 weeks ago, and it was like a semi has been lifted off my sole.

My ex was bi-polar and BPD. 20 years of stress and then an affair. Wish I could have pulled myself up outa that despair sooner, as it took years. I got custody of our two children and 15 years later my children are over 21 and I am still single. My ex married the guy and was miserable with him towards the end. She died young and missed out on raising our children and wasn’t allowed to enjoy our first grandchild. I just feel sorry for what she missed. Her new hubby got what he wanted and his health isn’t good. He never had any siblings or children and didn’t understand life very well…he was quite a bit younger than my ex or me. Trying my best to be a good father and grandfather.

I wish I had discovered this man's wisdom decades ago, it would have saved me a lifetime of grief and sorrow.

Here’s what you do. She is not deserving of the pedestal you have her on. Quietly speak with a lawyer and move in the direction of divorce. Don’t fight with her. Protect your heart. And move on realizing there’s something wrong with her.

You leave, immediately and never look back!! ❤

_I Discovered My Wife Had an Affair" How do I navigate this?_ You divorce her, no exceptions, a woman's fidelity is the cornerstone of a relationship so if she has cheated it's over. Any man that tolerates that is a fool, it doesn't matter whether you love her or not - deep down she has *_contempt_* for you...

My wife cheated , then ran off overseas with the guy November 2010 . Left me with 3 kids all under the age of 13.I have not recovered since then I’m 60 can’t trust anyone the shame and disgrace this bought me , I cannot recover from. My kids are grown up and are great kids, I hope in my next life I don’t find her again.

Just had this happened to me. Been together 27, married 25 years with 2 kids. Its devasting, but the excuses and lack of accountability makes it even worse. He's right in stating that the confession and regrets have to be as deep as the actual affair. If she's just "sorry" she hurt you and the family, a reconciliation won't work since she is making excuses to avoid accountability. Ask me how I know... But to all the commenters saying...dump and divorce her. Its easy when you have not been married for long and have no kids. In my case, there would be a lot of collateral damage beyond the kids to consider and the impact on your eminent retirement .

Simple. Fired. Gone. Out. Bye. I think people should be able to sue their partner for breach of contract. Simple as that.

If you don't have kids leave and show yourself you're a much better person than your wayward. If you have kids also leave and show them how a man responds to such a disrespect.

If anyone cheats on you, you leave and become a better person and move on. Life is too short to be with a cheater. If they are capable of doing that to someone they love, they are a broken person, and it’s not your job to fix someone

If your wife cheats on you get rid of her, you chose poorly, do what you have to do to get out of it with as little financial trauma as possible. You can never trust a cheating woman again.

At least my first wife mustered up the guts to tell me she didn't love me anymore. Not every Man gets that opportunity. Some people just aren't mature enough to get married, I'm just disappointed it took me 9 years of my life and all of the emotional abuse I went through during it to come to that conclusion. Thank God for God, my family and people willing to stand by me. There _is_ a future, and a person made for everyone, out there.

Trust me, there is only one solution to this problem and the best thing is to forgive and move on. Staying in such a situation because you think that you can work things out is a recipe for disaster because it won't be long before you revisit that issue over and over again. It's a spiral of trauma and torture.

This by far Jordan at his very best... In the past 5 yrs I have been through this betrayal, and my beloved Son's suicide... The pit is vast, deep, and dark. It has many traps and dangers... Facing hard truths about yourself and those you love will strengthen you on your journey out of the abyss.

I went through the betrayal like that with a women that was highly narcissistic. Not only did I not get a confession until after I dumped her, but never got an apology. Only threats and rage. If you think that's not much, try this: she self inflicted bruises and accused me of beatings and rape. If that's not enough of betrayal, try adding this: she convinced one of my friends to testify against me. I've spent half a year in prison. It took a huge amount of psychological strength not to kill myself in prison. Luckilly, I endured. I have a girlfrend now and still struggling to trust her. Always resisting the voice in my head screaming "run!". Going through psychotherapy to get through it and not to ruin it because of my experience with that monster.

I went through this 9 years ago. How blind I was to do the signs and how sudden and oh how much it hurt when I found out. Oh, and the pain... The betrayal and the hurt. I really really thought it would be impossible to recover from this... The lies, the deceit... It took two years just for the pain to subside. 9 years later I look back and I realise, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I had to go through that to become who I am today and I love it. A new partner, one that truly loves me, and everything is fantastic. I'm loving life and I can only be in this life thanks to the previous betrayal.

Imagine being able to deliver an astoundingly reasoned and articulate response like that, completely off the cuff, with no advance preparation for responding to the question.

Reading the comments, listening to the video has been like therapy for me. I have just found out my wife has been cheating on me for the second time in our 13 year marriage. I feel i have wasted the best years of my life with this woman. The only good thing to come out of it is my beautiful 12 year old daughter. You put up with the behaviour, lies and they somehow make it feel like your partly to blame. Reading the comments has given me comfort in knowing im not the only one. This is hopefully the beginning of my healing and moving on. You believe you can change someone and take comfort in the few occasions of good times you had together, believing you can work through it, things will get better. I now know you can't change someone and you can't fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed. If you are just starting a relationship and the warning signs are already there get out now. Don't waste years on someone who doesn't deserve you. I was watching another jordon Peterston video and something he said really hit home and summed up my situation perfectly. He said if someone is drowning, you help them but you don't drown with them. I have been drowning for 13 years. I will move on to a better life without this person and will be stronger for it

A confession as deep as the betrayal itself. I never would have put that together on my own. That was incredibly well explained.

I came from a broken home and I swore to myself that when I grew up if i ever got married and had kids i would never treat them like that. Until I got married I wasn't commited to any one woman but after I got married I stayed true to my wife and our two boys. As time went on she decided to have an affair with the father of eight kids that lived down the road that we both knew and some of which came down to our house and hung out with our boys. Their sperm donor didn't work he had already lost the machine shop his dad left him when he died and decided it wasn't his job to support his kids. He came from a big family as well and they had lost their mom to a random bullet to her head. Rumor had it she had decided being a dedicated wife and mother wasn't her thing. So one day bang that all came to an end and it was over. Nobody knew what happened or where the bullet came from. I'm not saying I know it was something that wasn't talked about. Needless to say I loved my wife and our two boys and one of the boys that came down all the time I loved him like he was one of my own boys. When I found out what was going on I told my wife I wasn't going to be treated like that and she told me she hadn't ever treated me badly. She is a sick woman that couldn't see past the end of her nose. That's life. I gave her the boot there was no saving our marriage. She chose not to be a wife or a mother that was her decision to make and she made it alone all by herself. Selfish, self centered the whole world revolved around her. Cool, see how far that gets you says I. Henry, the boy I loved like my own son would tell me years later, Joe you're the only Father figure I ever had. Children need their mother and father that's what makes a family and family is what makes our world go around.

Dante wrote "The Divine Comedy" on what he describes the 7 Circles of Hell (Inferno) and where he puts traitors in the lowest circle.

If you ever want someone to love and respect you enough to not cheat on you, you neither exhibit nor condone the behaviour. Staying with someone after they've done this to you is not love, it is reliance.

He said exact thing that was boiling in me almost five years.Her betrayal, later her therapy during I've heard "Get over it! You have my word that I will never do it again". And I was never allowed to express my anger,rage and process it.I felt deep in guts were needed for me to process it . Everytime I've started to speak about it I was shutted down."Stop it! It is attack!" .Thank You JP for expressing all of it out loud.

Past behaviour is greatest indicator present and future behaviour.. Hard to come back from

Illuminating the complexity of this scenario is very helpful to listeners. It's never been presented better ! Thank you

Immediate divorce is the only play

I found my ex fiancee cheated me months before the wedding, (dont ask me how) i called the wedding out, dumped her and i am grateful that i dodged that bullet.. She wanted to have a kid with me, divorce me, get the custody and make me pay her and the child support while she was gonna go back with her ex boyfrind. . (She revealed the plan on an e mail to her girlfriend.) I made a huge party to celebrate i did not marry hert. Later I met another woman and i married her 11 years ago and still rolling. Bufff, she was a Covert NArcissist everything was always a lie, my god, she would have destroyed my life and my parents life too. What an evil person, all fake, all acting allways. She was a monster.

Theres only one courses of action , divorce and self improvement , become the most successful and confident version of you ,that you can be .

I think Jordyn hit the nail on the head when he talked about a guy’s willingness to stay is oftentimes the reason she usually leaves. Self respect/ self love is so important in EVERY relationship, not just a marriage/ltr. If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything 🤷🏽‍♀️💯

My x told me years after our divorce that she never really did love me. She was angry at ME(?) for uncovering her affair and exposing her misdeeds. When she said that, I thanked her. She laughed at me thinking I needed to be ridiculed even further. But I told that's the first time she's told me the truth in a long time and that's all I've wanted, the truth. It was your lies that devastated me. But you can never hurt me again because I have let go completely

If there are children, the woman's infidelity is an even greater contempt towards her children. Why? Because she knows, in the back of her mind, that if she gets found out and it ends in divorce, she will likely retain custody of the children. If the divorce laws were such that it was much more likely for the man to get custody of the children, women would think much more long and hard before embarking on infidelity.

Women’s love is not unconditional, it is circumstantial.

This is JBP at his best. Betrayal is really tough because it can lead to you closing off to present and future connections. It really takes take courage to go forward and extend a trusting hand to another whom you gauge as worthy of having such an opportunity. Each time a betrayal happens you learn something… You don’t want too many of them however or you’ll be so battle scared that you’ll flinch at any potential connection. Tread carefully, heal, take gauged risks and learn to value yourself enough to be willing to walk away and never return to a person that clearly shows themselves unworthy of your trust.

Such an important video for such (sadly) common scenario !!! Accurate and important insight and advice.

I wasn't married, but i was in a long-term committed relationship and she up and left one day out of the blue and casted me out like I and everything we had and worked for was nothing and immediately replaced me with someone new. Looking back, I notice things that could be signs of infidelity, but I unfortunately will never get an honest answer from her on whether or not she did, and it kills me internally

God bless your Heart brother, that betrayal and disappointment is real,, I pray u come out strong

You leave her, she committed the ultimate betrayal, she's worthless.

What an awesome video thank you so much. Such words of wisdom.

Holy smokes I haven’t even been cheated on but he just tapped into feelings and ideas I hadn’t even known I had

I'm a guy that probably takes signs pretty seriously. I met a woman was trying to take it slow. I started seeing signs. Funny how after a first real date , I thought went well, she was already with someone else. Women know that there are a 100 or more men they can pick from.

The question is not that the man still loves his wife after her affair. The real question is, "Does she love him?" The answer is NO. Cheating on one's spouse is the ultimate way of saying, "I don't love you and I don't care about you." This is what guys who've been cheated on need to understand.

I’ve been married for 20 years. Shit happens. Just make sure if you choose to stay together you get some good advice. Good advice is probably the most underrated tool for anything in life, and relationships need work.

I’m really enjoying this format of presentation.

Great advice. I’d add a couple things. Go MANY places for help. Some “friends” suck at their advice. Don’t keep it private. Talk to people ….and fast. 2) protect the other areas of your life that your partner did not screw up. Don’t make ANY major decisions for a LONG time. 3) don ‘t underestimate how fucked up you are. You’ve got 10 times more Rage than you even know about.

Watched this live in the audience. Listening to him live is mesmerising.

I had a pattern of associating with people with BPD. I had to very volatile relationships in a row and the women in both relationships had multiple affairs. So glad I never married them and so glad I am now happily married to a beautiful wonderful woman who would never betray her family that way. Affairs will leave people with a permanent scar. Very hard to recover from.

In other words if you didn't fix it & it's gone to where it is it's over!Forgive!learn and start fresh..Give me & attention to your spouse,always speak of how you feel.Don't settle without a proper resolution because you will kill a part of yourself & you'll never make peace with it,even if you pretent you have.

What an intelligent response!

Betrayal is crippling i known. Take it from someone who has been there. If theye do it once they will do it again. And the man or woman who thinks they have found something special. Being your wife or husband. Will soon realize what kind of mess they have gotten them selves into. Take it as a valuable education. Grow to become the best version you can possibly be. Love you all.

One point a couple should discuss before marriage is how would they handle temptation...an adult should be aware that if they fell in love once they can fall in love again...We all can become attracted to another, we all can be tempted, it is how we handle it that becomes the point of a marriage...the true adult should turn to their partner and confide in them and ask for help working through it... It may mean leaving a job...moving...it depends....

You don't even entertain the thought, you just leave her. Longer you linger around, the more everyone thinks you're the problem, not her. Yes, what others thinks of you does matter in this case.

"Naive willfull blindness". holy shit that hits hard @09.20

Cheaters become serial cheaters, there is no fixing it because it’s not a problem with the relationship but with the cheater. Not only do these demons betray you, but they take you for all that you are worth, like parasites. You will be reminded of this time and again if you stay with a cheater

12:35. That's where you start to recover. If you can't even get there, you can't even begin to establish the reconfigured relationship he describes.

I hope the guy who asked this question got the answer he needed. I personally don't believe it's something that can ever be reconciled. Even if you somehow find a way to forgive, you will never forget. And if she was the kind of person who could cheat on her spouse, she's the kind of person who will feel like she got away with it; and can get away with it again. Learning from your mistakes means something different for a person like that: A normal person will learn, "I'll never do that again." A cheater will learn, "I know how not to get caught again."

Don't even have to watch this one, a wife, girlfriend or woman/young female NEVER gets forgiven for cheating EVER.

Let go and grieve then make a new life.

I really like how he mentioned the fact that you still love her after the fact could be the key to why it happened in the first place. You could appear to be the type of person to be easily taken advantage of. So in a sense you ignored the signs before it happened.

What's there to navigate? The bond is broken, the relationship is over right there.

I’ve found the best way to get to the bottom of any betrayal is acceptance. Accepting the facts that happened leading up to it. Was it the environment, character of your partner, things you did to push them into that direction. Once you have the acceptance. The next thing you have to do is decide. Decision based on two paths. To walk away from the betrayer or to find the courage to extend the hand of trust again. If you take the latter, don’t feel like you are a pushover or a weak person. It takes incredible courage and inside strength to want to trust this person again. And it should only be done taking into consideration the events leading up to the betrayal and your partner willingness to work on their flaws and shortcomings. Both partners will then need some serious hard work to rebuild the foundations of a relationship again, and make it a lasting one this time round.

My ex was a narc. I've learned a lot. I'm still here and will not let them have my soul. Trust in God. I know it's hard

This is deep, and very emotional !!! Extremely difficult... This makes us human, but we are the worst acceptable on earth, unfortunately...

That opening moment of honesty and truth was wonderful.

The guy is just amazingly brilliant and articulate and insightful.

I went outside of my marriage. The marriage had so many flaws. We were both broken people who didn’t recognize that we operated from our past trauma. I didn’t know it at the time. I blamed him. Then I started doing some inner work. I have realized so many things wrong with myself, and how all my faults landed us where we did. I have guilt, shame and regrets. I know what I’m capable of. I know I can absolutely destroy things. And I feel all those feelings because I know this. But I also have appreciation for my growth. Knowing what I know now…. I could never behave like that again. Never. It’s cruel to both people. I try to be compassionate towards myself regarding what happened because I didn’t know. I didn’t know all the things I know now.

… the same “devious pathway to hypothetical freedom”. Love it!

There is no returning from a betrayal of that caliber. Some boundaries simply must never be crossed.

A woman's infidelity is *ABSOLUTELY UNFORGIVABLE* , the biggest mistake you can make as a man is to take her back, she would look at you with disgust because you have zero spine and that's enough to make her resent you.

Do you know where to find the longer video?

You can get through it. You both have to make a commitment again. If you can't, get out. But if you can, you can't hold it over the other person's head. If you are unable to let go, then get out.

As always Your on point.

A wife’s loyalty is a thing of yesteryear, both my wives cheated after 10 & 14 years of marriage + 4 years of dating. Like NFL QB Tom Brady I am a good guy, tall, good looking, make good $$$, high sex drive, love kids & have a bunch of them, yet just like Tom’s wife my wife’s also strayed. All I can say is their straying forever changed the way I look at them, it’s like having your best friend betray you, intentionally hurt you, nothing more painful. Since divorcing them I almost feel bad for them because the other guy soon dumped them & each of them has been & will probably be lonely till the day they die.

Caught my girlfriend of 3 years sleeping with a friend. Devastating is an understatement. But boy it made me tougher and my skins thickness became rhino level. The actual challenge to recovery is allowing yourself to be venerable again. You do, but with a guard up.

As someone who was betrayed, I can confirm what Dr. Peterson said here. But since I'm not a therapist I can give advice. Don't take your rage out on your spouse if you hope to salvage your relationship. Don't even speak of it for a good while until you've dealt with it with friends, family, therapists, etc., not to your spouse anyway. They'll only see it as you trying to control them with guilt regardless of how justified you'll be in doing so. They won't care about justice at all. If they've gone this route they've almost certainly already stopped caring about the principles they're violating. You can make them feel remorse, but they'll only associate it with you and want to get away from you more. I found that out the hard way. Assuming they aren't a narcissist or psychopath, if you want them to stop and reconcile you will need to get their elephant of emotions to go where you want them to, and discussing things logically will only get the elephant rider to try to follow you. But if you know anything about elephants and riders, you know the rider can only direct the elephant to go where it's at least somewhat inclined to already. Confront them, demand nothing, with through your anger and disgust, and make yourself irresistible to them by becoming a better version of yourself than you ever were when you first met. During that you can seek couples therapy. At some point, if they have committed to you again, and that might take many months, you can start working on honest reveals of what happened from your perspective and how it made you feel.

Bingo! Absolutely nailed it!

If she cheats its done.

This is excellent advice. It’s good that he gives ways to move forward and doesn’t simply say ‘the whole population/group is bad and can’t be trusted’. Some women cheat. Some men cheat. Some women and men don’t cheat at all. Some cheat in every relationship. Some cheated only once during their lifetime. It’s an offense and betrayal of trust whenever it happens. I’ve known couples who have grown stronger after the betrayal because 1) the cheater accepted responsibility and worked to rebuild trust and 2) the betrayed partner agreed to try to rebuild that trust. But it depends on the individuals involved. The relationship will never be the same as it was before the cheating. It could be stronger. It could be better or it could be worse but it will definitely be different.

Wow soo powerful Beautifully put

I have been with my wife for 8 years, her daughter was 4 when I met her, she turns 13 this year, our son starts school next week, he is 5… I found out my wife has been having an affair for the last two years, lying to him and me the whole time. I love her still, I think I always will. But it’s over, I don’t think I will ever understand how someone could throw away their family and not know why. She was my best friend and I promised her my life. Now it’s going to be a fight for custody of my son, I hate this, I never asked for any of this, she lied to my face everyday for two years, but finally told me something truthful “I’m not in love with you” I would end it all if my son didn’t need me

If you truly love someone you can't simply pick up and leave that life behind like it never existed. If you can, then you really need to better understand what true love is, and it could be your hurt pride is making your decisions, rather than true love... Yes, chances are if your spouse betrayed you they didn't love you as much as you loved them. As Jordan pointed out, in order to get around that problem, to a point where trust and mutual love can be re-established, is going to be extremely difficult. Can you satisfactorily live in a one-sided marriage, where your partner isn't totally in love with you? Will that weight heavily on your being so hard that you can never get past that? As Jordan says, that's going to be very hard to do, but is it easier to just walk away from the love of your life, even though they've hurt you? Not that simple, and the hardest problem you likely will ever have to face in life. There's no one answer fits all solution.

The short answer is: Attraction is not negotiable. Game over. Leave her, don´t look back. Be smart, don´t show any emotions to her. First step: go to a lawyer with goog advice how to move to reduce the finanviell loose.

Every marriage is a different planet.

My wife left me for a week. Cheated on me the night b4 we met up. I prayed on this. I told her that if this was going to work she could not hang with that person (the friend) she had that causes her to do horrible things and hates marriage. She agreed. She then left me 3x more and a physic ward visit. Gets diagnosed with bipolar. Then one day neglects my son. That broke the straw I was treated like shit. She destroyed our marriage. Disrespected our home and my son. We meet with a lawyer in 2 days. She sleeps on that friends porch. She has been gone a minute and I went thru a yr of brokeness. I am free and a man again. I pray for her soul as she hops in bars and couches.

Step 1: Get proof of it you'll need it for the attorney. Step 2: kick the chick out

That talk blew me away. Wow!!!

Took the words right out of my mouth. Brilliant. Love, “chalk full of snakes”. Or is is “chock full of snakes?”

To any man going through something like this , under no circumstances should you take her back and do the "one more chance" rubbish , she had her chance and made it clear by cheating who and what she is , if she's crying and remorseful it's only because she's been caught , she doesn't care how you are feeling , she cares about getting exposed to yours and her family and also you leaving her and having to financially do it on her own , she might be promising you it won't happen again etc etc , don't be stupid enough to believe a liar and a cheat . You will never forgive or forget , and there's a 99% chance she's going to cheat again , except she will be more careful this time , if you are crazy enough to stay with a lying cheat you should expect to be cheated on , if you don't you are stupid and probably deserve everything you get

Although she won't admit it, I suspect my ex cheated on me. She thought I would take her back like her past relationships, but out of self respect and as much as it hurts, I can't go back. It takes much mental strength to say no and walk away, but once it has been broken, you can't fix it. It's been more than a year and although it still hurts, I am confident we are not meant to be together and I now know what I don't want in a relationship. Someone will treat her like she treated me someday, and then she will learn. Karma is real.

Leave her

“Each one is being drawn out” appears in the Bible, in James 1:14. The verse reads, “But each one is tempted, drawn away, and enticed by his own lust”. In other translations, the verse reads, “But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed”

In a sensible world people would never dare to commit adultery for fear of the terrifying consequences.